*trigger warning* For those not in the headspace to see about grief and pets just skip this one.

Isis has been declining health-wise over the last year or so, more severely the past couple of months. I honestly wasn't sure she was going to make it into the new year or her birthday (a week ago). The only reason she's even been eating the last few months is because I've been making her chicken and eggs with toast and cheese twice a day. Occasionally she'll be hungry enough to eat a little dog food, but it has been rare. But the fact that she still wants to eat a majority of the time gave me solace.

Her mobility has also gotten worse. Specifically her back end. She struggles to get up on the couch... and stay on the couch when she lays down too close to the edge (she just slides off onto the floor if I don't manually move her over). Our walks are really slow going (30-45mins/mile). The last couple of days she's really been struggling and has been pretty agitated too. Just walking in circles. Yesterday I think she was doing that outside and she fell off our little patio into a small garden plot. She couldn't get herself up alone. I gave her trazodone Monday night because she was so agitated. For some reason this kills her mobility, so I had to carry her up the stairs to go potty even in the morning.

I don't mind doing all of these things for her (I haven't even mentioned the amount of indoor potty accidents I've had to clean up... which also sometimes include a bath) because I love her. But I don't think she's even remotely having a good time anymore. I thought when she stopped eating, I'd know. Or when she wouldn't go for walks, I'd know. People have been telling me that I'd know when it was time. She's still eating and going for walks, but she's so agitated at night (sometimes during the day) and just seems like she's not having a good time.

So I think it's time. Time to let her go. Which is hurting my heart so much to even think about. I know it is an act of love to stop her suffering, but to suddenly be without my only constant companion of almost 16 years is going to be so hard. I know it is selfish to be thinking of my own comfort in this situation, though I doubt it is all that unique of me.

I emailed my vet last night about the situation and they replied this morning asking me when I'd like to come in. I've been crying and torturing myself about the decision for the last two hours. To think that this time Friday or Saturday she'll be gone depending on my decision. I considered maybe we could just wait until after I finish my work week. But that means the earliest we'd probably do it would be Thursday of next week. Would it be fair to Isis to make her suffer for another week just for me? I don't think she's in any considerable physical pain, but mentally she's doesn't seem great. Like her doggy dementia is also getting worse. I considered maybe she had another UTI, but she doesn't have any other symptoms.

If I'm honest, I think in the back of my mind I'm hoping that if I wait maybe she'll just pass on her own and I won't have to make the decision. I've been back and forth between emailing the vet to set a date and emailing to say I want to wait until next week. I don't know what to do.

This venting/trauma dump has gone on way longer than I had planned. No decision has been made, but I've cried many more tears.

I'm not too certain but based on your posts it seems like Vasco and Machete's relationship might not work out in the end, which is sad but understandable. What about the modern day versions of them, though? Less crazy circumstances to lead them to ruin, right? Maybe I'm just being naive and hopeful 😅

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having a really old dog is just repeating the mantra to yourself "i am grateful for the time i've been given and when it comes time to let him go i will do so gracefully. i am grateful for the time i've been given and when it comes time to let wait why are you not pooping normally WHAT IS GOING ON WHY WON'T YOU POOP ARE YOU DYING" and then calling the vet in a panic, being told actually he's fine but give the probiotic some time to do its thing and then let us know if anything changes, and then you take a deep breath and go "cool. yeah. obviously he's fine. anyway. i am grateful for the time i've been given and

across the river willamette

I moved away and couldn’t take the cats. I cope by watching a 16-second video of Bennett purring on repeat. Watching other cats doesn’t satisfy that need; I miss my cat, the one that knew me. Sigh.

Anyway, cat comics are going on a brief hiatus.

COMING UP NEXT:

ive said this before but giving your gay machiavellian parody figure a little crusty eyed doggie who looks like shit and is pushing a million in dog years and is also named wuffles is honestly the best character design move a person couldve made for vetinari

Skeleton of a beloved terrier, Penny, cleaned for a customer.

Life update: adopted a kitten and it made me realize I really do not want kids.

Hey! Just got a quick question. If tumblr were to disappear tomorrow, which app/platform would you go to?

ain't that the fucking question

At the moment, I have no plans of going anywhere (frankly I've tried other platforms and nothing works for me quite the way that tumblr does) but if I do decide to migrate I'll definitely make a bunch of posts about it so people know. I have people I'd prefer not to leave behind if I can help it...

I've seen a few different names bandied about (cohost? bluesky?) but I know literally nothing about any of them and won't be attempting to learn unless under extreme duress _(>﹏<｡ゝ∠)

If the hypothetical digital apocalypse happened and tumblr disappeared and I needed to migrate IMMEDIATELY, you'd find me over on Pillowfort under BenevolentErrancy, probably. It is literally completely empty, but I made it Just In Case back when tumblr first enacted the Porn Ban and things looked rocky for a hot minute

“Why do you shake?” Bookie I’m autistic,chronically ill and have anemia…I do nothing BUT shake

caught him grooming his wife and he looks scandalized

I joked a while back that Isis's passing was going to be great for my weight since I knew it was going to destroy me. So far I'm being proven right. Not that I'm doing it the right way. I'm vacillating between complete lack of hunger, slight hunger, or stomach aches.

I cried doing the dishes this morning since I was washing Isis's bowls.

I just dropped my dog off with friends and I miss her already!!!!!

everyone, meet Buster

I will elaborate on this later probably but something ought to be said about the irony of Gehrman infantalizing Maria with the Doll's design yet one could argue he's actually the one being infantalized by two different Great Ones (the Moon Presence and the Orphan of Kos in the Hunter's Nightmare being sort of a version or projection of him).

Ironic what he inflicted onto others he is getting x10 in turn.

MOODBOARD FOR WWWYF2024 LINEUP

idc new york haters are objectively wrong its the greatest city in the world forREAL