rewatched kingsman recently

Fantastic Four Vol 1 #223

Tues Apr 27 2020 [09:18 PM] Wack'd: And so the Four, plus Agatha and Gabriel, are off in the Pogo Plane to New Salem, in order to undo Nicholas Scratch's possession of Franklin. [09:19 PM] Wack'd: Who?! Who calls you that?!

[09:19 PM] Bocaj: His barber [09:19 PM] Umbramatic: the narrator apparently [09:20 PM] Wack'd: There are other "here's how the crew is doing" panels but they're all roughly what you'd expect. Ben angry, Sue determined, Reed thinking, Agatha contemplating fate [09:21 PM] Bocaj: Shake it up, the fantastic four [09:21 PM] Wack'd: Johnny musing on how he's never seen Reed and Sue this intense before besides the thirteen other times he's never seen them this intense before [09:21 PM] Bocaj: Pfft [09:22 PM] Wack'd: Reed and Sue have a moment where Sue gets kinda weepy and Reed reassures her that he'll do everything he can [09:23 PM] Bocaj: Shake it up, the fantastic four book [09:24 PM] Wack'd: How have these fuckers not been consigned to the dustbin of history already

[09:24 PM] maxwellelvis: Because Scratch hasn't yet. [09:25 PM] Wack'd: Even if I concede there are some cool designs, which...eh?... this is the first sign of personality they've exhibited in like three storylines [09:25 PM] Umbramatic: i'm a sucker for nagas but i dunno how to feel about the snake arms

[09:25 PM] maxwellelvis: Gazelle looks a little less Marge Simpson-y this time. [09:26 PM] Wack'd: The lack of yellow skin helps [09:26 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Nick possesses the lion dude and recruits them back into his dark army [09:27 PM] Wack'd: And reveals his master plan, which is to bring back the...essence???...of the Dark Realm to torment humanity [09:27 PM] maxwellelvis: I too am puzzled at how many reappearances these glorified minibosses are getting. [09:27 PM] Bocaj: That’s how I feel about zodiac [09:27 PM] Bocaj: In avengers [09:28 PM] Wack'd: I think seven is too many distinct henchpeople for a villain to have, also, especially in a team book and especially if they're always gonna be a group [09:28 PM] Wack'd: Like there's so much wacky happening here but it just kind of cancels out back to boring [09:28 PM] maxwellelvis: And I do mean glorified because the law of conservation of ninjutsu means they should not have handled the Four as easily as they have in the past. [09:29 PM] Aleph Null: @Wack'd the seven deadly sins? [09:29 PM] Wack'd: The Salem Seven [09:29 PM] maxwellelvis: I could understand that if they had to fight them all one at a time in a series of progressing battles up a tower, but [09:29 PM] Wack'd: Anyway Nick possesses the folks guarding the Seven's cell and lets them out [09:30 PM] Bocaj: I could get behind a shonen style tower climb mini boss squad fight [09:30 PM] Wack'd: Dude seems to be getting a lot of mileage out of possession and it's making me wonder why he even needs a physical form? Though I guess that's not really his goal since he's doing the whole "release the essence of the Dark Realm" thing [09:30 PM] Wack'd: Still though he doesn't seem particularly weaker in this form than he did on earth. He might as well have never been banished at all [09:31 PM] Bocaj: You had one job with several distinct tasks under it, Agatha! [09:31 PM] Wack'd: The Seven, now free, decide they have some free time before the plot kicks in and decide to torture some civilians for shits and giggles [09:32 PM] Wack'd: Really just Nick used to establish what everybody's shtick is with some actual breathing room, which, y'know, finally, but one row of panels each is not a lot [09:33 PM] Wack'd: Vakume (the solid grey one) makes a tornado that sucks air out of everyone's lungs [09:33 PM] Aleph Null: that doesn't sound right but i don't know enough about wind physics to say otherwise [09:33 PM] Wack'd: It's magic, they don't have to explain it [09:33 PM] Aleph Null: ...then why is the tornado necessary? why not just cast a fuck you no breathing spell? [09:33 PM] maxwellelvis: STYLE [09:33 PM] Wack'd: Looks cool [09:33 PM] Wack'd: But not cool enough to screencap [09:33 PM] Wack'd: Vertigo (the Pam Grier one) uh...gives everyone vertigo [09:34 PM] Bocaj: Ah like Zaheer [09:34 PM] Wack'd: Actually I guess that's it because we cut back to the Four [09:36 PM] Wack'd: This is a perfectly prefunctionary, even good, "Ben knows what it's like to be othered" speech, but I'm losing it at it being deployed in defense of Baby's First Dungeons & Dragons Character

[09:38 PM] Wack'd: And I can make that joke because my first Dungeons & Dragons character, before orc vampire and dragonborn stage magician, was in fact a mysterious loner with strange powers who keeps to the shadows. I know from whence I speak [09:38 PM] Umbramatic: pffft [09:38 PM] Umbramatic: i don't think mine was that weird [09:38 PM] Wack'd: I am deliberately and specifically not saying it's weird [09:38 PM] Wack'd: It is super boring [09:39 PM] Bocaj: I’ve been thinking the whole time [09:39 PM] Bocaj: Is this just nick fury doing Dresden larp? [09:39 PM] Wack'd: It is, I assume, everyone's first Dungeons & Dragons character [09:41 PM] Wack'd: Anyway I looked up Gabriel--sorry, *Devil Hunter*--to see if I should bother caring about him. Turns out he's not a new character, but the lead in a short-lived magazine-format book from the mid-70s called *Haunt of Horror*. [09:41 PM] maxwellelvis: I went with Eberk, because clerics were busted as shit in 3.5e [09:41 PM] Wack'd: Written by--and you might wanna sit down for this--Doug Moench. [09:42 PM] Bocaj: Ha [09:42 PM] maxwellelvis: No. Say it ain't so. [09:42 PM] Mousa The 14: Of course [09:43 PM] Wack'd: These two Fantastic Four issues are his first appearances since then, and his last for twelve years before he briefly resurfaces as a recurring Hellstorm supporting character in the early 90s. [09:44 PM] Umbramatic: wow [09:44 PM] Mousa The 14: “I mean, we have the IP, we may as well use him!” “Yeah, but why tho?” [09:44 PM] Wack'd: He has since the only been seen in Marvel encyclopedias. [09:44 PM] Umbramatic: welp [09:45 PM] Bocaj: I still think he’s larp Nick Fury [09:45 PM] Wack'd: Fair [09:46 PM] Wack'd: Anyway, the team arrives in New Salem, where Scratch reappears inside Franklin to say more mean stuff. [09:46 PM] Wack'd: I would assume he's been quiet because he's been busy possessing loads of other people, but no, Gabriel is important

[09:47 PM] Wack'd: Johnny then feels bad for writing him off as a moody loner cliché since he was actually doing shit apparently [09:47 PM] Mousa The 14: Good grief, what a joke [09:48 PM] maxwellelvis: Why's he EMOTING so hard in that second panel? [09:50 PM] Wack'd: (Oh if anyone cares the red haired lady who placed the cryptic phone call is also from Haunt of Horrors and also appears in Hellstorm's 90s book. She dies) [09:50 PM] Mousa The 14: As women do apparently [09:50 PM] Wack'd: Back to the story at hand. It is time for a fight scene [09:51 PM] Wack'd: And then a capture scene [09:51 PM] Wack'd: It's a good thing this book has so much dumb minutia in it or I woulda been done half an hour ago [09:52 PM] Wack'd: So the team is placed on an alter and Franklin's powers are used to bring forth the Dark Realm [09:53 PM] Aleph Null: this is a fantastic four comic right? [09:53 PM] Aleph Null: just checking [09:53 PM] Wack'd: Yeah but this is not terribly off spec for them [09:53 PM] maxwellelvis: Yes [09:54 PM] maxwellelvis: Also we were still in the middle of the Satanic Panic at the time. [09:54 PM] Wack'd: Fantastic Four doesn't really have a consistent tone or manner of threat. They're from the 60s, they'll do whatever [09:55 PM] Wack'd: Gabriel and Agatha use their combined power to turn the Four into a literal love bomb to defeat Nick Scratch's hate

[09:56 PM] Aleph Null: My Little Superheroes: Friendship Is Magic [09:57 PM] Wack'd: This is a nice scene but I'd be a lot more convinced if Nick Scratch didn't try to murder Agatha gruesomely every previous time he appeared

[09:58 PM] Wack'd:

Ben: That wuz the easiest fight we ever had...and it wuz the best weapon we coulda used.

[09:59 PM] maxwellelvis: "We contributed the bare minimum to our own story!" [09:59 PM] Wack'd:

Agatha: Nicholas, you must be punished...severely. I hav erred on the sign of leniency in the past.

[09:59 PM] Wack'd: agatha you banished him to a nightmare dimension but okay [09:59 PM] Mousa The 14: Yeah but she didn’t kill him [10:00 PM] Mousa The 14: They’re magic people, nightmare dimension is really more if a time out for ‘em [10:00 PM] Wack'd: Honestly the "Dark Realm" was originally called "the World Beyond Worlds" [10:00 PM] Wack'd: So I assumed it was a Yu-Gi-Oh "Shadow Realm" thing until this story [10:01 PM] Wack'd: And so Nicholas' punishment is to become like the humans he so despised [10:02 PM] Wack'd: And Agatha decides to stay behind to be an ambassador to her people on behalf of non-magic folks to maybe cut down on future genocide attempts [10:03 PM] Wack'd: 

[10:03 PM] Bocaj: Awwwww.....www?? [10:04 PM] Wack'd: Even as the modern age creeps closer, silent panels are still kind of a rarity [10:04 PM] Wack'd: It's smart to deploy one here [10:04 PM] maxwellelvis: "Hey, how 'bout a little sugar for Gabriel?" [10:04 PM] Umbramatic: awwww [10:05 PM] Wack'd: He just kinda...vanishes [10:05 PM] Wack'd: Reed assures us he probably has his own way home [10:05 PM] maxwellelvis: He doesn't need the company of people with no sugar for him. [10:05 PM] Bocaj: Pfft

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Minor Disappointments’ Least Disappointing Releases of 2018

Preamble: I had a bit of a low (not Low, although that would’ve been preferable) period in 2018 that went on for several months. I didn’t really listen to music during that time, and so I missed out on a lot of things. I’m kind of too scatterbrained from holiday hysteria to really take in anything new. So these lists probably don’t designate “the best”, but they’re decent documents of what I wasn’t too distracted or down to take serious notice of.

Secondly, my own band released an album this year, and that occupied a large amount of time normally reserved for listening to other bands. I won’t rank it because I don’t want to be that conceited...but if you want to check it out for yourself, the highlights for me are “For the Rest to Rest”; “Open Up the Ways”; “Screen Test”; and “Suspend Disbelief”. One of my favorite reviews of it described our sound as being a “unique blend of post-punk, brit-pop, indie, and a little post-rock too.” and said we’re “one of the smartest bands to come out of Brooklyn in a very long time.” This is both why people should listen to it and also why they might not.

Thirdly, one of the things I listened to the most this year was Protomartyr’s Consolation EP, but I’m refraining from listing it as it’s not a full-length. That said, I think it’s as good as nearly anything I’ve heard this year, Protomartyr are the best and both of their live sets I caught were my favorite gigs of 2018. TLDR: Protomartyr = good. Most other things on this list = equally good but not Protomartyr. Let’s get started shall we?

10 Songs That Were Good: 

10) Neko Case & Mark Lanegan - Cures of the I-5 Corridor. How has a Neko Case / Mark Lanegan duet not existed until 2018?? No matter the year, something this gorgeous and heartbreaking is always worthy of making the cut.

9) Lana Del Rey - Mariners Apartment Complex . I remember Spencer Krug tweeting something kind of snarky about “Venice Bitch” a few months back, then deleting it, and damn well he should’ve because both that and “Mariners Apartment Complex” are blinders. “Venice” may be the most low-key epic ever, but the way “Mariners” takes hints of Leonard Cohen and Lee Hazlewood / Nancy Sinatra and places them in a pop context is perhaps even more admirable. It’s truly inspiring to hear mainstream music this nuanced.

8) Parquet Courts - Tenderness . I love the jaunty piano, and how Andrew Savage’s vocal take is simultaneously forceful and lax. But most of all I love how all its elements converge to create a sense of hard-won optimism.

7) Iceage - Thieves Like Us . Iceage do a swamp cabaret song and I just can’t love it enough.  

6) MGMT - Me and Michael . Yes, it’s ridiculously ‘80s, but you would have to be a very dour person to not smile whenever that opening synth riff kicks in.

5) Shame - One Rizla . Riff of the year. Hands down.

4) Bodega - Jack in Titanic . One of the great things about 2018 was witnessing Bodega’s success. To me, they’ve always been one of the few up-and-coming indie bands with the  charisma to be actual stars, and it’s been a joy seeing the rest of the world take note of this. From the moment I heard “Jack in Titanic”, I just knew it was destined to show up on a BBC Radio 6 A-or-B list at some point in the near future (and it did!). And yeah, they’re my good friends, but even if they were strangers I’d appreciate the smartness, melodic hooks, and sexiness all the same:

3) Preoccupations - Disarray . Click on that link because the song is really good, but be warned -- the vocal melody is never, ever going to leave you.

2) Protomartyr - Wheel of Fortune . This song has everything: a nerve-wracking stop and start guitar part, an at-once badass and terrifying refrain, Kelly Deal, and the exact sense of urgency that’s needed right now. Powerful, timely, and a rare example of a song that puts its guest star to highly effective use.

1) Janelle Monae - Make Me Feel . This song combines about five different Prince songs but Janelle Monae’s personality is so strong that the end result is something wholly her own. And if the song weren’t a blast on its own, the technicolor video is almost lethally fun: 

10 Albums That I Loved A Lot: 

10) Arctic Monkeys - Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino . I really loved this album but I’m ranking it as 10 just because it’s the Arctic Monkeys and I can’t believe I enjoyed anything they’ve produced *this* much -- especially a lounge album about a casino on the moon. I find Alex Turner overrated as a lyricist and cosplaying a Bad Seed isn’t endearing to me, but he obviously loves Scott Walker a lot so I guess he gets some sort of pass.

9) Moonface - This One’s of the Dancer and This One’s for the Dancer’s Bouquet . The only reason this isn’t ranked higher is because I haven’t been able to give it the attention it deserves. This is a concept album where some songs are sung from the pov of the Minotaur and others from Spencer Krug, and both these creatures are enigmatic are too enigmatic to be given mere surface reads. This all said, I’ve listened enough to glean that, as always, Spencer’s lyrics are awe-inspiring, the marimba is implemented well, the alternate version of “Heartbreaking Bravery” is excellent, and comparing and contrasting its themes with those found on Wolf Parade’s 2017 release Cry Cry Cry is a fun past time if you’re me or seven other people. Looking forward to delving deeper in 2019.

8) Janelle Monae - Dirty Computer . To be honest, I *was* a little disappointed in this. It’s not as cinematic or stylistically adventurous as Monae’s previous full-lengths, but I think Monae herself is extremely talented and I wish she was a much bigger star. Furthermore, when considered against the drek of the general pop landscape, this is still a bold, unpredictable, and intelligent pop record from a true enigma.

7) Luke Haines - I Sometimes Dream of Glue . Like “Kubla Khan” if it had been written after huffing a river full of glue, but instead of Xanadu it’s an English village full of miniature people having a orgy:

6) Parquet Courts - Wide Awake! . No other song better captures the frustrations and anxieties of living in NY in 2018 than “Almost Had to Start a Fight / In and Out of Patience”, and for that alone this album would make the year-end cut. But it also happens to be brilliant start to finish, with the two closing statements, in the form of “Death Will Bring Change” and “Tenderness” respectively, being among PC’s best.

5) Low - Double Negative .  Mimi Parker’s voice emerging from a sonic cocoon on “Fly” is one of the most gripping moments of Low’s fantastic career. This album challenged me the most in 2018, but it’s also one I frequently returned to, determined to crack its code.

4) Preoccupations - New Material . I suppose some would dismiss this as too trad. post-punk, but holy hell - these trad. post-punk songs have got some hooks! And there isn’t quite another singer like Matt Flegel, who somehow manages to channel Bowie and Mark Lanegan at the same time. I’ve listened to this so much that New Material already feels like a well-loved classic.

3) Gazelle Twin - Pastoral . I would argue that Pastoral is the closest anyone’s come to making something comparable to PJ Harvey’s Let England Shake. An electro-pagan examination of Britain’s heritage and history (and the whole Brexit thing) that manages to feel thorough despite only being 37 minutes long, Pastoral moves beyond being just “a record” and becomes something closer to contemporary art. Elizabeth Bernholz’s vocals, whether warped or unconstrained by processing, are remarkable throughout. A mash-up of folk traditions and modern beats that somehow works shockingly well:

2) Idles - Joy as an Act of Resistance . Boyfriend / bandmate James and I have discussed this album more than any other this year, and it’s been a pleasure hearing his love for it and forming my own appreciation of it in the process. What sealed it for me was James’ description of “Idles” as pagan, and how the band’s use of repetition and simple melodies (as well as their bacchanalian stage presence) created an air of ritualism. In their primalness, they even remind me of The Birthday Party - a “woke” Birthday Party, but a Birthday Party all the same. My favorite musical moment of the year may very well be Joe Talbot’s first shout of “UNITY!” in “Danny Nedelko”, primordial, raw, unpretentious, and completely punk. We *need* these guys right now:

1) Suede - The Blue Hour . There is a joke in the TV show 30 Rock in which Jack Donaghy -- Alec Baldwin’s network head character -- says he attended Harvard Business School, where he was voted “Most”. The Blue Hour could be considered “Most” -- it’s meant to be taken as one piece, it’s insanely grandiose and, like its predecessor Night Thoughts, listening to it makes everything in my life seem 18 times more dramatic and tragic. I don’t know how, but this bizarre mashup of Kate Bush, Jacques Brel, Pink Floyd, Scott Walk, Gregorian chanting, classic Suede, spell books and (of course) David Bowie somehow seems bizarrely in step with 2018. Seeing as this top three consists of albums that are arguably “pagan”, and folk horror’s representation in popular 2018 films like Hereditary, The Blue Hour feels accidentally on trend. It’s crazy to think that a band whose first release happened 25 years ago could still be relevant in 2018, but Suede somehow are so please give these dads a hand and then listen to The Blue Hour’s glorious closing trio of songs a lot, because boy are they “Most”.  

You’ll Be Playing Til Dawn In Horizon Zero Dawn

Have you ever seen the TV show Walking With dinosaurs? It was an old documentary series about dinosaurs, but thanks to the wonders of Horizon Zero Dawn, you can now walk with dinosaurs! You can hear the whir of their gears and the crackling of their servos. Enjoying the warm embrace of their hard metal plating and watching out for the striking glow of their eyes while hiding from their shoulder mounted orbital death cannons.

While they may not be the dinosaurs you remember, the world of Horizon Zero Dawn is meant to be our own, just one thousand years in the future, also with robot dinosaurs, and the only evidence of our modern day society lives on through ruined skyscrapers and overgrown streets.

One of the best things in this game is just the sombre and chilling world. Seeing familiar objects, but overgrown, empty and ruined can be so haunting at times. You have these new societies that have formed, worshiping various fragments from ancient times and having created simple, yet complicated, weapons. There are bows that fire weird pulse arrows and a futuristic, yet rustic tripwire launcher and setter. The juxtaposition that takes place in this land that’s set in the future, but limited to simple tribalistic clans with complex robotic creatures all set against wooden and stone huts adds to this wonderful and unique aesthetic that I got rather enraptured with.

There’s so much to get lost in in the setting of the world, both various biomes you come across as well as the shocking distance between the cultures and architecture of the different tribes themselves. I just fucking loved the world, alright?

The game itself is an open world adventure, similar in style and scope to The Witcher 3, to some extent. In my place of work someone has likened it to Far Cry Primal numerous times, and that doesn’t begin to explain the game, and is ultimately an insult. In terms of stuff to do, there are a number of bandit camps, collectibles and towers littered around the map, however, they aren’t over numerous and you’re not left playing map clean-up. There are vaguely interesting bits and pieces of lore to be gained from at least two of these map items, with one having a rather extensive story for a certain character, another introducing a peculiar character and quest chain.

The world doesn’t feel empty, it’s full of robotic dinosaurs for crying out loud, littered with herds of  automated animals, going about their business, but all just waiting to be engaged with and to engage you and make traveling a genuine peril. Sure, the settlements can be a little hit or miss for the most part, but there is still a plethora of interesting quests that take place in this world that I found myself getting completely lost just in living in this world, forgetting about the main story as I was enraptured with these side quests and characters, experiencing the world itself.

This doesn’t mean the main quest line is anything to scoff at, if anything it becomes one of the strongest parts of the game with some of my favorite elements throughout the entire thing. A number of characters are introduced, most of which are placed a thousand years in the past as you learn the history of this world and the events that led up to its birthing, of sorts. It’s incredible as you rapidly get to know all of these characters and I found myself enamored with their story and interactions with this near impossible task they have to undertake, which you obviously have some idea as to the outcome, as Aloy and the world around her are living proof, but how it came to be, watching that mystery unfold is truly outstanding.

I shan’t delve into the story too strongly, just know it’s very good, the only downfall of it is that the very final encounter of the game is a bit weak, but everything else is wonderful!

The characters themselves are all rather interesting, some are flawed more than others, some lost in their devotion to their various cultures and gods, others are “tainted” by the ways of the ancient ones and become lost in a thirst for knowledge and uncovering ancient technology. Aloy is an odd one in this sense as, as my friend put it, she’s either very progressive in her way of thinking, or stuck incredibly in the past, as she takes to incidents very level headedly, not caring for ancient and arbitrary rites that seem to exist purely to limit people. Never hungry for blood or revenge and lost in the ways of a warrior clan, but also oddly not too soft to not know what she wants and how to get it, and at times it feels like she doesn’t quite fit because of her modern way of going about things, well, modern in our sense, one thousand years in the past in the game’s sense, hence my friend’s “progressive/regressive” comment.

The game is not without some flaw, as the climbing in the game leaves much to be desired. Climbing is only allowed when the game deems it so, and this is rarely. Ledges that are shoulder height are insurmountable, as you’re unable to jump high enough to clear them, but the game doesn’t designate them climbable, so you have to rather frustratedly go a fair distance out of your way just to walk up a simple ledge, even when they’re waist height, just tall enough to prove too high for you to jump up and becomes an impossible hurdle, like some kind of lame man’s high jump. Further frustration is added upon the initiation of these climbing segments, whether it be trying to locate the ledge in the cliff face that allows you to grab it, or if it involves jumping directly onto the damn rope/ledge and the game deciding you’ve approached it entirely wrong and you plummet to your death.

Sadly this is something that happened a few times in my experience, I either missed a jump, trying to zip-line down, having to make a leap of faith that even the most devout  would struggle with, only to not grab the rope, that’s well above your head, or it’d be trying to take a simple step from one rock to another, maybe onto a log, and the game doesn’t trigger the climbing system, so you’re left taking a normal, non-magnetized step and plummet into oblivion.

I’ve made it known that one of the things that almost ruined the entire game for me were Glinthawks, an aerial carrion mecha whose only whim is to wobble around the sky, never floating still long enough to be even slightly simple and just buzz overhead, dropping ice cold death over and over. Much like dogs, Aloy should be unable to look up, as the camera doesn’t enjoy the soft pan into the ground, as the environment rapidly obscures your vision. It’s not just the annoying combination of nature and camera that sets these flying devils apart as one of the worst experiences in the game, it’s how they detract from everything else that works so well within Horizon Zero Dawn.

With ground based enemies you can lay traps and wires and easily tie them down to the ground. When another enemy comes into the scene you can see them coming as you’re still looking on their plain, maybe not their direction, but a quick spin around will reveal the angry robot gazelle headed at your spine. With Glinthawks, you’re constantly looking up, peppering the sky with arrows, narrowly missing time after time. The rest of the world disappears and all you see is a mech against the background of the sky, craning your neck up trying to keep a track on such a frustrating menace. The only other thing you’ll see approaching are other birds, to add more stress to your day, so you can easily find yourself suddenly taken down by an agitated mechanical alligator and they’re just not fun. There is another flying enemy in the game, the Stormbirds, but they work far better as an enemy as they’re both larger and also come down to the earth far more frequently, not living life above your head, just out of reach forever flying like some kind of aggravating albatross.

As for the rest of the machines, I think I enjoyed all of them. Every machine had a specific way to deal with them, their own weak points and strategies for getting to them. Every single machine is tough in its own right, and the process of learning how to deal with one is great. Not to mention that just because you know HOW to deal with a Fire Bellowback doesn’t mean it won’t still burn away your identity in a blaze of fire. Using and learning the pros and cons of each bit of kit you pick up pays off and works well as you’ll find yourself cycling through your arsenal frequently to get the specific effect that you require.

Horizon Zero Dawn is an outstanding game that I truly loved. The world itself is so enrapturing that I loved looking at the cities, the architecture and the different clothing that scattered the world. The designs of everything were incredible to the point where I’d genuinely consider having figures of every single machine with their strange mechanical designs, even the Glinthawks, the bastards. I love everything that this game stands for, with it being a AAA game that’s done things differently to everyone else, and it’s so easy to just get lost in the characters and world that I highly recommend the game to everyone and anyone. It starts a little slow, but you can quickly find yourself fall in love with a world of mystery and robot dinosaurs with heavy undertones of remorse and loss in the sombre ruins throughout the world, witnessing the final instants of the civilization we live in today.

(You can also watch me play a little bit of the game here)

The Wall #48: ZOOTOPIA

Well, it's about time I got around to this. Welcome to The Wall, and I'm not going to waste any time because I'm going to have a lot to say. I feel like I don't need to say this, but just in case you haven't seen the movie (not just this one, I mean in general) I'll try to be as spoiler-free as I can. Yeah, I said "try", because sometimes I'll see something as awful as Collateral Beauty or Yoga Hosers where I have to spoil the movie just to get my point firmly across in why those movies are as bad as they are. And yeah, that's a general rule of thumb: if I consider the movie awful I WILL spoil it (So yes, take that as your premature warning that I WILL spoil Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice in the next review. ;D). Seeing as this is the movie that revitalized the series and allowed it to take off in a way far bigger than I could even imagine, I have to pay its respects and give it the proper review it should have had in the past. So, let's dive right into the literal urban jungle that is the colorful world of Zootopia!

I’m not even going to waste time by dabbling in my usual routine of building up my points in a movie of what I liked and what I didn’t because I’m going to say something I haven’t said about a movie this year since Hell or High Water- I absolutely adore this movie. Believe it or not, I wavered a lot in how I felt about this movie throughout the course of the year, but my answer is finally clear. But first, the usual- plot.

In this movie, a young anthropomorphic bunny by the name of Judy Hopps (voiced by Ginnifer Goodwin, whom I last saw in that godawful “romantic comedy”, Something Borrowed back in 2011) dreams of becoming a cop in the big city of Zootopia to make the world a better place. This doesn’t turn out to be that simple as for a bunny trying to even train to become a cop proves to be incredibly difficult, though determined to not give up she pushes on and eventually manages to graduate from her training and be moved into the central district of the Zootopia Police Department, though instead of being assigned into a highly pursued case of tracking down twelve missing mammals, she gets assigned to parking duty. One messy turn of events later allows Judy to be part of the missing mammal case, though on the condition that she only has 48 hours to solve it or she will be fired from her job. She’s stuck with virtually no resources, though manages to find one clue that takes her to one key witness that may hold the answer for the case, in the form of a red fox by the name of Nick Wilde (voiced by Jason Bateman, whom I last saw in 2015’s The Gift, which was actually a pretty good movie… and then the ending happened) who turns out to be pretty uncooperative. The clock is ticking, and the evidence is minimal, so can these two unlikely partners come together for the better of their society?

Continuing with my usual formula this is where I would start listing down the negatives about a movie, and this was the part that I found the most tricky was how to feel about these because I have two: Gazelle, and the ending- specifically the climax.

Let’s start with Gazelle, who is voiced by mega-famous Colombian pop star, Shakira- heeeeey, finally a movie that has someone representing my home country of Colombia that also DOESN’T suck- isn’t that right, Hot Pursuit? Anyway, she suffers from something another animated movie I reviewed (and the first movie I ever reviewed on The Wall, as a matter of fact) which I will now call “DreamWorks Syndrome”. When your movie has DreamWorks Syndrome it will feature a big name voice actor or actress playing a pretty tiny role in spite of their exposure and fame to the general public. Granted, at least Shakira gets to talk in this movie whereas in Angry Birds, Sean Penn could have been replaced by a garbage disposal and the difference would have been none in the slightest. Shakira also isn’t a bad voice actress, then again I’ve been of the belief that pop stars and voice acting is something that goes hand in hand. She’s also at least not out of place in her role, unlike Miss Almost-30-Year-Old Rhianna voicing a 12-year-old girl in Home. I can’t be the only one who thought that she was going to have a bigger role in the movie based on how prominent she was shown in the advertisements. Hell, I was under the belief that the final showdown of the movie was going to take place in one of her concerts, and I was actually right! Well… sort off. As it turns out, that’s what happened in the scrapped version of the movie, not the final one. If you haven’t seen the movie (for whatever reason), that’s not how the movie ends. I’ll get into that (as spoiler-free as possible, of course) in a bit, but I’ll finish with Gazelle and Shakira. Gazelle’s role is pretty minimal and she doesn’t really add much to the movie. She’s not in the movie enough for me to say she’s one of the stand-out characters when the best use of her character involves a running gag about two other characters in the movie fooling around with this app that allows them to digitally insert themselves (or rather, their faces) into a music video featuring her. It’s actually a really funny gag, but that’s the best thing involving her character. The other reason why she’s here is for the movie’s title (and only) song, “Try Everything”. The song is… okay-ish, it’s really put together in a way that it’s pretty much just your typical generic uplifting pop song, though at least with Shakira singing you get her pretty distinct vocals to make the song at least nice to listen to. I’ll admit I was never a big fan of Shakira (my mom and sister LOOOOOVE her, though) so this song is just a “take it or leave it” type of deals- you hear it at two points in the movie, once at a montage, and at the credits for the obligatory “everybody dances” ending.

Speaking of which, when I originally talked about Zootopia I said I noted some pacing issues with the last act of the movie, and knowing what I know about the history of this movie that turned out to be very unsurprising. This movie was basically remade from the ground up at the last minute due to the original concept of the movie being too dark for its own good- and before anyone raises any complaints about “well they should have gone with that darker version”- no they shouldn’t have, though I’ll address that later, as I want to get through the rushed ending over first. So yes, the movie had to be completely remade and that may be what ended up causing the ending of the movie to feel a little fast. To be fair, all of the elements for the climax are there, they’re just blink-and-you-miss them. They didn’t need any more extra time being established- I think even just one extra minute could have made all of the difference. It’s at least more sensible than how Big Hero 6 ended up in a giant pile of explosions and nonsense, but yes I’m aware of the issues here and they sadly have not gone away. So how much does these two things affect how I feel about the movie? I thought about this long and hard, and if I’m going to be completely and totally honest… they don’t. My flag is up- despite this movie’s problems it has a metric ton of AMAZING things going in its favor that its negatives are pretty negligible by comparison.

First of all, I have to give absolutely major kudos to the amazing animation and design of the movie. There’s something particularly special about the way this movie looks to how everything in this world is constructed. The character designs are absolutely great, the city looks amazing- all of the districts are distinctively designed, full of life, and it gives me this absolutely giddy feeling of “holy crap, I want to go there!” I rarely ever get that feeling out of many movies, and that’s one telling sign when I knew this was something special. I could make an entire college essay at how amazing the level of detail in the environement in this movie is, but I really AM trying to keep this short as I can, so let’s just put it this way: A+ for not only the design, but also the REALLY great animation! This movie is fast-paced, colorful, full of great action moments, the expressions are absolutely joyous to look at.

The characters are simply wonderful! The crazy thing is that they’re all types, but the level of development they get, how layered and fleshed out they are really is something to admire. Nick and Judy are a pair that form the typical “cynical guy/optimistic girl” pairing, however a combination of great dialogue, perfect chemistry, as well as a really great level of depth allows them to not only be great foils to each other, but also makes them highly relatable and really easy to sympathize with the both of them. Not just them, this applies to other characters such as Bogo (voiced by Idirs Elba), Clawhauser- who also manages to score one of the saddest scenes in the movie- the other secondary characters are also unbelievably enjoyable, like Nick’s best friend Finnick (voiced by Tommy Lister), or Duke Weaselton (voiced by Alan Tudyk- wait a second, how many Disney movies have you been in now, pal?), and even more bit characters get their own really memorable moments (I’m sure the wolves need no introduction. Huh, I’d say between this and Storks that it’s been good year for wolves). Again, I could really expand on these a lot more, but there’s just no room or time here.

The comedy is absolutely great. It goes between really sharp, witty banter to even the use of puns, though these are used in a much smarter way than I’ve seen plenty other movies (especially animated ones) use them- they’re pretty much background gags. They’re never in your face, and they’re pretty much used for scenery, which makes them really great to go hunt down when rewatching the movie- I certainly did.

While “Try Everything” may be really far from the best pop song (though considering how awful of a year for pop music 2016 was, it may be one of the few that actually qualifies as even “listenable”) the rest of the soundtrack is really fun. Movie scores are something I don’t usually notice because 90% of the time they’re often really generic and forgettable, and then there’s movie scores like in Accidental Love which are grating and make you want to kill yourself. But this one has a score that is really enjoyable to listen to, goes really well with the movie and adds that little extra hint of fun to a lot of scenes (like Judy giving out the parking tickets for the first time, or her chasing Duke in Little Rodentia). I wouldn’t say this is the biggest positive about the movie, but I think it’s worth pointing out nonetheless. No, if you want a REAL major positive here it is:

The movie manages to combine a lot of really great elements that makes it a really enjoyable family movie, from the comedy to the characters, but it also has some really brilliant uses of filmmaking to make the movie also a really great mystery and leave little extra touches for anyone watching the movie to notice, even when they’re not in your face, or as I like to call it the “Edgar Wright Method” (He may not have been the first one to do this, but it’s my example so shut up and read). If any of you have seen a movie by Edgar Wright- and knowing my audience, I’m going to say that’s probably most of you- this movie pulls a really nice trick of putting tiny little bits of plot littered in the background. The brilliance of this is that it allows the audience to notice things that any less competent filmmaker would have just simply presented, but with someone like Edgar Wright he just leaves things like really great, funny gags way in the back that you may catch out of the corner of your eye, or other little moments that make you go “rewind that, I want to see that again”, which happens here but in a way that sets up the final act of the movie. Seeing the movie for the first time I’ll admit, I didn’t see any of these extra details, but now that I’ve seen the movie several times I feel like I’m discovering something new every time I rewatch it. Even shots are reused to make really sharp, contrasting parallels that actually help in the intensity and drama, as well as the investment in the audience.

I love movies that feel rewarding to revisit, these kinds of movies actually acknowledge that their audience is smart enough that they don’t need to have exposition jammed down their throat, they can find these details for themselves because they’re that observant, and seeing this kind of fine crafting in an animated movie of all things is the kind of thing that I want other movies like Sing, or Ice Age: Collision Course, or hell, even movies like Kubo and the Two Strings can learn a thing or two about Zootopia- movies are a visual form of storytelling, you don’t have to talk down to anyone just because your movie is restricted to needing to be seen by a younger audience, they’re smart too, and movies like this can really go a long way into showing what animation can really do.

Oh yeah, there’s a message in this movie, isn’t there? I pushed this until the very end on purpose, because, like I said, this movie has a lot of amazing things going for it that this is just icing on the cake. The message of prejudice is something that clearly hasn’t gone overlooked- it really doesn’t take a rocket scientist to notice it. Now I did say that I don’t think that the old concept for the movie would have worked, and here’s why: it would have come across as insanely heavy-handed. The movie would have suffered from a grim atmosphere, compounding that with the message of “prejudice is bad” would have come across as a more of a “no duh” moment, rather than how it’s presented here in the way that it’s entirely possible for someone, even if they are the nicest people in the world, to have prejudices of their own. Now, I’m being very specific with my wording here- “prejudice” and not “racism”, because the thing that it seems that some people who failed to grasp the point of the movie love to connect this movie as being a movie that’s about racism, when it could really be applied to a wide variety of different scenarios. Something else I don’t think this movie gets enough credit for is the fact that it not only gets you thinking about it, but it also helps you understand it. Not to give anything away but from the way we see one certain character be treated it actually becomes perfectly understandable why they act the way that they do- which is actually something that is really scary to think about. Again, I need to stress: “prejudice” NOT “racism”. There IS a difference, and it’s a very dangerous difference at that, and the way the movie deals with it is absolutely brilliant, as well as the fact that it answers what it can be done about it. It’s a crime mystery with a good enthralling mystery, and really smart commentary that also works within the context of the world, so even if you wanted to completely eliminate the message of this movie being connected to the real world in any way (though that’d be something really difficult to do), you can- the movie still works! The idea of taking a really beautiful, utopia and showing its ugly insides is a much smarter, more clever approach to deliver this kind of message; while there’s an obvious right and wrong, the morality is a little bit more grey and that allows you to discover shades about the characters and the world and how they all grow and develop into what, I consider to be, one of the true masterpieces of the decade. (2,636 words. This has, undoubtedly become my most positive review to date- and no, Finding Dory doesn't count because I spent half of that ranting about Pixar. Music: Shovel Knight- High Above the Land)

You know, back when I reviewed this movie the first time I gave it a... admittedly, joke review, and a joke score to go with it, but that was an intentional decision to exaggerate how I felt about the movie at the time. Though... that may not have been as far from the truth as I thought.

Yes, you're reading that right- not a 10, but an 11. I thought about this long and hard, but I can definitively say that Zootopia has joined an elite club of movies that I would call my unquestionable favorites. There's the 10s, movies which are absolutely perfect in every way, but then there's these movies- these are the movies that go above and beyond and will forever be part of a very small pantheon of movies that I not only find truly spectacular but absolutely worth watching again and again and never get tired of it. Now, if you have any problem with this... well, I'm assuming you made it 'till the end of the review, but hey that's what the comments are for, aren't they? And if not, then you're more than welcome to drink a cool, tall glass of "Shut the Fuck Up". Either way, it ain't going to ruin the way I sleep at night. Sigh... if only the next movie I had to talk about was going to be as fun as this. Next time, guys... I destroy Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice. Oh yes, it WILL be a bloodbath. Until then~