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themarchblessing · 6 years

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TRULY GOD’S PLAN

COREY

Finding a bench to sit down at I checked the time on my phone, happy to realize that Eva should be here soon. So she finally hit me back early this morning on some crack of dawn shit. I wanted to do a backflip off my balcony when I saw that she responded to my message from a few weeks back. Just sitting by, waiting around and constantly checking my inbox was terrifying. We agreed to meet up in Central Park close to where the birds gather daily.

Adjusting the brim of my scully around my ears I shoved my phone in my pocket and chose to watch the scenery. Bikers, walkers, cops on bikes, and random exercise groups were all out enjoying the weather. For it to be March it’s still kind of chilly in New York but it feels pretty good out today. Just admiring this view gets my brain going to reflect on my life and what’s been happening recently.

My trip to Miami was amazing. That was probably one of my favorite work trips ever. XXL treated me like royalty. The best hotel, a car to drive and all the works. I was surely impressed with their hospitality. The magazine is set to hit the shelves by the beginning of summer, the company’s words not mine. As the main photographer I should get a copy before the public does so I’m definitely keeping my fingers crossed on that one. Damn, I miss that hot ass sun already.

“Well if it isn’t one of most handsome men I know.” A voice said. I turned to my right seeing Eva walk closer to me. She’s looking so vibrant these days. Clearly whoever her new man is giving her some good pipe.

“You know I do my best to stay looking good. How you been mama?” Standing to greet her I accepted her want for a proper hug, rocking us from side to side a bit. “You smell good as hell. Don’t tell me you got all done up for a nigga?” I teased pulling back to watch her smirk at me.

“Shut up boy. I’m good, how are you? Where have you been at?” She kissed my cheek and motioned for us to sit.

“Man I’ve been working and staying black. That’s what I do best of all. What about you?” I glanced at her left hand seeing her trying to hide the ring she’s sporting. “I can see that. Tell me about it.” I encouraged, stretching my arm out behind her back.

She tucked her hair behind her ear and showcased the rock proudly. “It was the best day of my life. Without a doubt. I’m so happy Corey.” She smiled genuinely.

“Tell me about it! What’s been going on?” I reiterated, getting comfortable beside her. Eva and I caught up for lost time and walked around for a bit. The vibe between us never shied from peaceful. Which is exactly what I want and hoped for. I always do my best to keep that friendly, level of respect between my past hookups and I. Not for any funny reason but because I prefer it that way. I don’t like negative energy in my life. I had so much of it in the past but now I’m too old for that shit. I just need peace and happiness.

“So what did you ask me to meet you here for?” She said turning to me.

“Okay here it is. So my homegirl came back home last month with her son. I’ve been spending a lot of time with him but something is off. Do you recall seven years ago when I called you really late at night asking for a favor?” I started.

“Mmm..vaguely yes. Wait do you mean when you FaceTimed me and asked me help you get a nut off?” She chuckled.

Nodding in embarrassment I sat back against the bench.

“I remember now. Why are you asking me about that night?” Eva looked at me intently and I knew this moment would clear everything up.

“Well the favor I asked you for...I ended up doing something kind of crazy with it. Long story short, I got this feeling that the boy is mine but I don’t know why I can’t remember how it all happened. The whole night is mostly blurry except for me calling you.” I explained.

“Um well yeah I do recall you telling me to hold on after we were done. I couldn’t see much but you were so damn wasted Corey. I think I saw you holding a small cup with a label on it. Why were putting your sperm in there? Is that what your friend wanted?” She asked skeptically. I dropped my head in my hands feeling the entire night rush back to me clear as day. “Oh my god! I get it now. Oh goodness Corey. What the fuck did you do?!” She gasped, gripping my shoulder.

Blowing out a breath I stared at the sidewalk just thinking freely. “It all makes sense now. I altered her entire pregnancy, goddamn.” Shaking my head abruptly I stood up from the bench, pacing back and forth not knowing what to do with myself. “He’s my fucking kid. That’s my fucking kid Eva. Oh my god. This whole time. This whole time I’ve been overlooking the comments from strangers, my old man..Brian. I can’t believe I did this shit! Fuck!!” I yelled.

“Hey, hey come sit down. Breathe and relax.” Eva coached. She grabbed my hand forcing me to sit down and listen to what she’s telling me. “Breathe Corey. Just breathe.” Eva gave me time to myself. Everything that happened the night of Bri’s 30th birthday with the help of Eva has come back to me full circle. How could I have gone this long not knowing what I did? “Corey? How long have you been feeling like this?” Eva spoke to me softly as she continued to rub my back and provide me with true comfort.

“Since the second time I was in his presence. I picked up on how alike we are and pushed the comments from others to the back of my mind. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions you know? I hate that shit and with something like this you can never assume. But my gut was right. And now I don’t know how to tell her. I have to right?” Turning to Eva I searched her eyes not knowing where to go with this.

“I think you need to. I could never tell a man to keep a secret like this and as a woman, I wouldn’t want any man keeping anything like this from me. You always follow your gut Corey. Always. I’m sorry you realized this now instead of seven years ago. But think of it this way, you not figuring out that he’s your son back then gave you time to grow and prosper. You said work is going well and you’re in a good space in life so don’t blame yourself. You were drunk and horny and it was a long time ago. Everything is going to be okay as long you take responsibility and keep your cool.”

After I talked with Eva we parted ways and I came straight home. I need time to think about how I’m going to tell Bri about what I did.

“That’s my boy.” I said over and over again. I’m stuck. I don’t know how to think or move. Eva was right when she told me that I needed to follow my gut. Just thinking of every encounter with Zay and seeing how happy Sabrina was is all I can see for my future. I’ve seen Bri at her highest but the smile she has when she watches our son and I interact is the most beautiful thing in my eyes. I told y’all ever since I kissed her I’ve been all over the place.

And now that I’m beyond sure that I have a child I want to complete this puzzle. When I can find the right way to tell Sabrina I will.

Searching around my room for my phone I spotted the device hidden under the blanket on my bed. I need to call my dad. I need to get his opinion on this subject again but this time it’s me actually having some news to share with him. The line connected and I could faintly hear the sound of someone snoring.

“Corey? Why are you calling me at midnight son? What happened?” My dad rambled sounding like he was in the middle of getting a good night's rest.

“Pop, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. I just really need to talk to you man..” throwing down face first on my bed I listened to my dad move around.

“Hassan, what’s going on? Why are you up? Did something happen to Corey..Liya?” And as if I didn’t feel any worse about myself I groaned in disappointment that I woke up my mama too.

“Nothing Carla, go back to bed. Corey and Liya are fine baby, go to sleep. Everything is okay.” My dad gave my mom some more reassurance that me and my sister were alright before I heard just him breathing. “Ok kid, what’s up?” He began.

Turning over on my back I slapped my hand down my face, hard. “He’s mine.” I muttered.

“Izaiah?” He rebutted strongly.

“Yes, I know for sure that Izaiah is my kid.” Nodding to my own truth I found a spot on my fan to look at and study. “I’m lost pop. I’m so damn lost and I don’t know where to start with telling Sabrina.”

“Corey, what do I always tell you? Keep your head in the game at all times. I know this news may be shocking for you and maybe even scary but I believe in you to do the right thing. And I know this might sound crazy as hell but I don’t think you should tell Sabrina right away.” The last words to come out of his mouth made my pull the phone away from my ear.

Did I just hear this man correctly? My father, the man who always gives me sound advice to follow is going against his normal.

“What the hell have you been smoking Hassan?” I asked sitting up straight. Letting my legs dangle off the side of the bed I glanced around wishing Lori and Izaiah we’re here right now.

My dad got a kick out of me addressing him by his first name. He gave himself a second to calm down before speaking again. “I know it sounds crazy not to tell her just yet. And I say that because you don’t know how she’s going to react. You confessing to your mistake from so long ago all of a sudden might seem a bit brash, crazy, and really fucking crazy.”

“I’m not doubting you on that. But I disagree with the first part. I have to tell her. I can’t look at that girl in the face everyday and lie to her! Do you understand how often I see this woman? Do you know how often I’m with Izaiah? I pick him up from school dad! Everyday it’s my face who he sees before he goes home to Sabrina. Mine. And Bri..” I had to take a minute to think. The reality of what my mornings, afternoons, and nights have become are swirling around my head. I’ve already put in time with this little boy. He’s already become so comfortable with me. I’ve even grown to a distinct level of comfort when I have him all to myself.

These feelings of warmth, protection, and a sliver of tenderness and likeness have taken over me. I always enjoy spending time with Izaiah. And now that I am more than sure that he’s mine, I’m overwhelmed with a whole new set of feelings.

“You love her. Whether it takes you the rest of your life to figure that out, I know you love Sabrina. You are someone’s father now, son. Just like I am yours and Liya’s. When I lost you for those three hours I wanted to lose my mind. I had never seen your mom more upset. Not so much with me but at the reality of the situation. I don’t want you to know what it feels like to have your child taken from you. Don’t get me wrong by any means when I say this. I love Sabrina too but she is the mother at the end of the day and woman tend to make decisions with their emotions a lot more than we do.” The explanation my old man is giving to me makes sense.

Nodding in agreement to his testimony I began to pace my room. “I hear what you saying and I understand all that. But how am I supposed to prove to her that I’m worthy enough to make up for a screw up like this? I drunkenly and stupidly altered Bri’s first pregnancy and then I FORGOT about it. What kind of man does that make me?”

“Well all do dumb shit when we’re fucked up Corey. The way you went about this whole ordeal is very unorthodox. It’s wrong as some would say but you weren't in the correct frame of mind that night. Son, please don’t sell yourself short. You know better than that.” He assured. Having my dad remind me that I’m human and that humans fuck up especially when they’re fucked up, is exactly what I needed to hear.

When I was talking to Eva earlier today in the park, a big part of me felt ashamed and embarrassed to reintroduce that night. To go over again aloud about how I hijacked Bri’s pregnancy made me feel sick inside.

“Thank you pop.” I sighed. Stopping in the doorway to my room I stared around my kitchen recalling the night I kissed Bri. The night that fucked up my head forever.

“Anytime son and congratulations. Take your time with this and keep your head up.” I let Hassan give me some more advice before calling it a night myself.

Today is also going down as an important day for me. Until I can find the courage to confess to Sabrina I think I need to sit on this. I want to make sure I’m fully aware of what I’m stepping into.

#the march blessing #short story

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