#for context they gave me this cahse i went to seminary for like a year and a half | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tubapun · 9 months

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My grandpa passed the other year and my uncle is down helping my mom go through some of his stuff, and they left this piece of paper he had on my desk today

It reads:

The new Priest was so nervous at his first Mass, he could hardly speak. Before his second appearance in the pulpit, he asked the Monsignor how he could relax. The Monsignor said, "Next Sunday, it may help if you put some Vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips all should go smoothly."

The next Sunday, the new Priest put the suggestion into Practice & was able to talk up a storm. He felt great, however, upon returning to the rectory he found a note from the Monsignor.

1. Next time sip rather than Gulp.

2. There are 10 Commandments not 12.

3. There are 12 Disciples not 10.

4. We do not refer to the Cross as the "Big T."

5. The reccomended Grace before meals is not "Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the Grub, yeah God."

6. Do not refer to out Savior, Jesus Christ & His Apostles as "J.C. & the Boys."

7. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

8. The Father, Son, & the Holy Ghost are never referred to as "Big Daddy, Junior, and the Spook"

9. It is always Virgin Mary, never "Mary with the Cherry."

10. Last, but not least, next Wednesday, there will be a Taffy Pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter Pulling Contest at St. Taffy's.

He would have done numbers on this site

#for context they gave me this cahse i went to seminary for like a year and a half #i am no longer catholic to be clear but this is still funny to me

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