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‘someday, someday’ :: tumblr edition, #28

London was beautiful at 3am.

Rodger sat in the passenger seat flicking through the emails he missed during the day. BBC Radio 3 played softly as I navigated through the streets back to his house.

"Who'd have thought you'd be a Radio 3 fan," Rodger said distractedly.

"It's calming," I defended.

Rodger was quick to come back, "It's Nina is what it is."

"You're supposed to say how adorable it is that she's got me listening to Mozart in the car."

"Oh," He locked his phone and put a hand on my shoulder as I drove, "It's extremely fucking adorable. Didn't I say she'd be good for you? Look how cultured you seem now."

I laughed but shrugged off his hand, “Shut up, I’ve always been cultured.”

“This is Bach,” He deadpanned, “Not Mozart.”

“Oh, piss off.”

As I turned into their street, Rodger dug through his backpack for his keys and started rattling off scores from a football game while I found a park. By the time we were talking up the front steps to their house, I was well and genuinely freezing my arse off and ready to be with Nina.

I wasn't planning on spending the night here, but it was a few days since I had seen her and I knew Nina's rehearsals were taking a toll, but I wasn't able to get more detail than that. I had two days off, and once the idea to be in her bed tonight formed in my head, it took hold.

Rodger let us in and turned on the hall light, "Cuppa?" He asked.

"No," I shook my head, "Thanks, I'm just gonna go up."

"Righto, see you in the morning."

I ducked into the bathroom on my way up to Nina's room, using some of the toiletries I knew were hers to wash my face. I stripped down to my pants, so there was less chance of waking her up with undressing and then stumbled out and up to her door.

It creaked open loudly, but I held the handle so I could slip it in quietly as I closed the door again. I put my clothes in a pile on the floor at the bottom of the bed and smiled as I then tried to figure out where on earth I was meant to fit in the bed when Nina was comfortably asleep right in the middle.

"Harry?"

I paused and winced where I had barely pulled back the duvet to slip my leg in, “I’m pleased I was your first guess,” I chuckled lowly.

She rolled over onto her side and shuffled back, making room for me. I settled next to her and pushed her hair off her sleepy face.

"I wasn't expecting you," Nina said, quietly letting out a weary sigh, "How was your day?"

"It's 3am," I pressed a kiss to her forehead and shuffled closer to her, "Go back to sleep."

"I wasn't sleeping, not really."

I pulled back to look at her in the dark, only her eyes shone from the light outside, "How're rehearsals going?" "Fine," She yawned, sounding more awake. My eyes momentarily flicked to the necklace she was wearing, it was the one I gave her for Christmas. I pressed my index finger to it briefly.

"Still drama?" I asked, trying not to give her a pass to evade the answer. Nina had a tendency to underplay her own work at the moment, and the idea bothered me.

"Yeah."

"Tell me about it," I prompted.

Nina rolled over onto her back beside me, "You want to hear?"

"Yes," I told her earnestly.

She had been quite evasive about it over the phone for the last two days, but I could hear something was wearing her down. Since recording the song together last week, I felt like Nina had shied away somewhat. Rodger told me after the fact about a pep talk, he needed to give her before working on the song together. I had been scolding myself ever since for being insensitive to what walking into that recording studio would have been like. I just didn't think.

"Orchestras are like ..." While she collected her thoughts, I wound my arm across her tummy, "Where else would you have eighty to a hundred and twenty people all working together with the precision of a tenth of a second? It's high stress and high stakes, and everyone has skin in the game."

"Yesterday you said something about egos ..."

"Egos like you wouldn't believe," She confirmed, speaking quietly to the ceiling, "It's all about your chair. Your chair is your status in the orchestra and beyond. Some people sit in their chairs for decades, and it's always a pissing contest."

“Right.”

“A chair in the strings has come up this week, and somebody in the orchestra stepped into the position. Which seems simple enough, but now they’re trying to dictate who gets their old chair. It’s also final program week where section leads are figuring out if the soloists are right. It feels like everyone’s breathing down each other’s necks and I already know I’m a featured soloist again.”

I interrupt her, “You’re featured again? Isn’t that incredible news? Nina! Congratulations.”

“It’s not public knowledge yet,” she doesn’t accept my praise, “Ryan says I’ve got nothing to worry about, but I don’t want to step on any toes.”

“I’m sure nobody’s—

—I’m new, young and female,” Nina says over me, “Someone will have an issue, even if they only say it under their breath. Orchestras are superstitious as all hell. I don’t want any bad voodoo pointed my way.”

I wound my arm entirely around her and pulled her closer, “Hey,” I pressed a kiss to the side of her mouth, “You’re a treasure, hear me? You can’t change what people think of you, much less alter anything by worrying yourself sick about it. I don’t know anything about orchestras, but I know how corporations run … The people whose job it is to do so will make their decisions, you just worry about how you treat the people around you. None of them has a legitimate reason to dislike you, Nina. The whole orchestra benefits from the best talent being displayed.”

“I know.”

I squeezed my arms tighter around her, “And you know what you’ve got this time you didn’t a few months ago?”

“What.”

“You ... ” I kissed her again, “... Have a boyfriend who adores you who you should definitely offload on more frequently. Tell me this stuff, Neens. I can’t help, but I can listen and distract and encourage.”

She pressed her forehead against my bare chest and took in a deep breath, "Can't we run away back to New York?"

"Any time you want."

She sighed, we both knew that wasn't entirely realistic. Still, I liked that Nina wanted to run away with me, "I just want—hang on," She interrupted herself, "It's the beginning of birthday week!"

"Hmm," I hummed, thinking about the date and how many days were left until my birthday, "I suppose it is."

"Harry!" Nina was out from my arms and pushing me onto my back in a heartbeat, her palms pressing to my shoulders to hold me down, she slipped her leg over my hips and hoisted herself over to straddle me, "Happy birthday week!" She peppered my face with kisses, "Happy happy birthday."

I laughed under her, holding her waist and starting to squirm away from her grabby hands, "Ouch. Careful. Oh," she planted a long kiss on my lips and then held her head up to watch me, "Thank you. That was ... Joyful."

"I"m thrilled you exist," she whispered. "This week is gonna be fun.”

“It is,” I agreed quickly, trailing my fingers up her sides and hooking my thumbs around the straps of her sleep singlet, “May I?”

Nina took my mouth in a languid kiss, her hair fanning out around my face, “Please,” she breathed.

+++

Standing in their kitchen later that morning, Nina was frowning deeply at the saucepan on the hob.

"What did it say to you?" I sided up to her and laced my arm around her middle.

Nina bit her lip, not catching my teasing tone, "They're not staying together properly."

"Spin the water before you drop the egg in," I instructed gently, looking at the mess of egg white from her most recent poaching attempt. "Did you add vinegar?"

Nina pulled back with a sceptical look on her face, "Sorry, you're an egg expert?"

"Eggspert," I corrected, "Yes."

Her eyes narrowed by I caught the twitch of a smile, "Your sister warned me about this."

That surprised me, "My sister?"

Nina raised her eyebrows at me and nudged my thigh with her hip, "Yep. We text now."

"Hang on," I took the wooden spoon off her when she held it out to me and watched her move over to the fridge, "What are you and my sister texting about?"

"She's got me onto Love Island," Nina said, pulling a few items out onto the bench and then starting making us both a coffee, "And she's been helping with some birthday things. You're hard to buy for, we're bonding over it."

"Birthday things, you say ..." I leant down and kissed Nina's cheek as she took back the egg poaching station and gave me a delicious mug of coffee.

"She told me a really delightful story about you as a six-year-old stuffing an Action Man limb up your nose."

"That's a lie!" I spluttered out too quickly.

"You can defend yourself at dinner tonight," Nina smiled brightly as she blew on the surface of her hot drink.

"God, Gem will be loving this," I all but rolled my eyes.

We were playing, but I was looking forward to bringing Nina along for Gemma and I's usual Monday night dinner. I also didn't mind at all that they were texting, I'd never had that happen before. My sister was always deliberately separate from the women I dated. Nina and my sister were fast becoming two peas in a pod, and I couldn't say I minded a bit.

"Do you want to eat here or on the sofa?"

Nina had two plates of eggs on toast served up waiting for my response, "Sofa," I said, picking them both up and following her through to the living room.

Once we were settled, we chatted through eating breakfast, establishing our plans for the rest of the day off we shared. I didn’t care what we did, I was just craving being with her. Which is why well over an hour later, without empty plates still sitting on the coffee table in front of us, I didn’t care that I was watching the telly while Nina scrolled on her phone. Both Rodger and Max had come and gone, and the house was quiet around us.

“I like this house,” I said aloud. “Almost as much as I like my own,” I watched Nina look around their living room blankly, clearly not seeing anything praiseworthy. I dug my toes in under her thigh from my spot at the opposite end of the sofa, “Not the house itself … I just like being here is all I mean.”

“Was gonna suggest you get your eyes tested,” Her hand rested on my calf comfortably, “It’s certainly not as pretty as your place.”

“There’s a lot of love and safety in this house,” I explained, my eyes are drawn to Nina’s phone when it pinged with multiple notifications at once, “What on earth is going on?”

Nina frowned at the screen and started rapidly typing back to a message, “The girls are all on. And I’m talking to Gemma too.”

I crawled over to her and rested my head on her shoulder, “What are you all gas bagging about?” Nina flipped the screen out of my view quickly, but I reached for her hand and brought it back because I recognised the website she was on, “Gucci?”

“Don’t,” She tried to reach the lock button, but my fingers were stopping hers from being able to.

“What are you buying from … Nina.”

“You like Gucci,” Nina spoke quietly, avoiding meeting my eyes, “Don’t ruin it.”

I locked the screen myself and sat up next to her, keeping a hold of her hand, “Nina, don’t spend that kind of money on me, particularly on a brand I work with. I don’t pay for any of their stuff, babe.”

“I want to get you something you’ll love.”

I love you, I wanted to say, alarmed at how easily the thought drifted into my head.

“I don’t need anything,” I took her chin in my hands and made her look at me, noticing the small white line of Nina's scar from her childhood bike accident, “But I’d love it if you got me some classical vinyls … Like of some symphonies you like. Please don’t spend anything ridiculous though.”

“I have a job, Harry. I want to buy you something nice. New York was—

—Okay,” I breathed out, hating the conversation that was coming. Usually, I avoided it. No, usually things didn’t get serious enough to need to have the money conversation. But Nina was sitting in front of me planning to spend more than she could probably afford on my birthday because she felt like she needed to repay me for my more extravagant Christmas gift. “Neens, you can’t think that way. You really can’t. I don’t have normal circumstances when it comes to money … When it comes to almost everything, actually. The point is,” I continued slowly, “I love that up until this point things have been pretty even, you pay for a lot, and it means so much to know that you’re not just sitting back relying on me. But Neens, for big stuff like holidays and extras I’ve got it covered.”

“That’s not fair, Harry.”

I shook my head, “Money isn’t about fair, Nina. Relationships suffer for it every day, and that’s usually about not having enough. It fills me with shame to think the people in my life would worry because I have an excess. I’ve worked hard for it and sacrificed a lot. And you’ll sacrifice a lot being with me … Money can’t be what ruins this. I won’t let it. I don’t want to be scared to spend money on you or on us because when I’m away for months at a time or when our dating becomes public things will be stressful and money is one thing we won’t need to worry about.”

Nina sat for a moment, looking uncomfortable and a little glum. I leaned in a kissed her, she gave me a weak smile after, “You really want vinyls?”

“Yes,” I promised her, understanding that maybe she needed time to sit with everything else I said, “I really do. I’m extremely behind in my classical collection. Actually, that reminds me, I’ve got something for you to listen to.”

She gave me a curious look, “What?”

“Where does Rodger keep his good headphones?”

“I think there’s a pair of his studio ones on the kitchen table …”

“I’ll be right back,” I jumped up off the sofa and rounded the living room, scooting back in a moment later figuring out how to pair them with my phone. “Okay,” I leaned over the back of the couch and slid the cups over Nina’s ears.

“What on earth …”

I slumped back next to her, hooking my arm through Nina’s and pulling up the file Rodger sent me the day before, “I’ve got our song for you to listen to.”

She frowned, “It’s not our song, Harry, it’s yours—

—It’s ours,” I corrected her, “And I love it. Ready to hear it? Rodger finished it yesterday afternoon.”

“Okay,” Nina’s voice shook as she adjusted the earphones on her ears, “You really like it?”

I pressed a kiss to her shoulder, “Yes.”

I hit play before she could protest again, turning my head to the side so I could watch her as it played.

I could tell she was listening carefully throughout, her eyes focusing on different points in the room as I kept up with where int he track she was up to. Only the tiniest amount of residual noise leaked from the headphones, but I got exactly the reaction I was after about halfway through.

The intro to the bridge happened, and Nina’s eyes met mine, welling beautifully as she heard the incredible work Rodger had done since the rough cut she heard on the day. He’d added a choir of voices and the slightest echo effect onto the piano. The strings part Nina wrote we had recorded with a string quartet, and Rodger left in the sound of the piano keys falling back into place, just as Nina had suggested we do.

The song was incredible, and I was already obsessing over how to perform it live; over how to make that point in the setlist a real moment where we all shone up on stage.

“It’s so good, Harry,” Nina sniffed, dabbing under her eyes with the sleeve of her jumper.

“You’re happy with it?”

“Yes!” She cried out, “You idiot, it’s gorgeous! It’s sad but hopeful, and your voice is vulnerable, but the lyrics are sure and steadying … I adore it. The strings are great. Play it again for me.”

+++

Nina and Gemma were laughing so hard I was concerned cider was going to come out of someone's nose.

Ned looked across at me as though I might have an explanation for what was going on. I shrugged at him and took another bite of my sister's take on our grandmother's apple pie. There was no need to let dessert go cold.

"And then they—

—I know!" Gemma cried, nodding her head and wiping at tears in her eyes. "I know, oh my god. It's hilarious."

Nina beamed at my sister, her eyes shining with tears of her own, “I never actually would, but I’d go on the show just to be in those conversations after.”

“Me too!”

“Hold up,” I waved my hand across the table between them, “Are you still talking about Love Island? Because I can promise you, neither of you is ever going on that show.”

“Yes,” Nina squeezed my bicep, “But notice I started with ‘I never actually would’?”

My shoulders sunk, and I took another bite of pie, “Oh. Good.”

“So, what do you still need for Saturday, Harry?” Ned turned the conversation to my birthday party on the weekend, “I’ve got Friday off so I can come over and help set anything up … Or run out and pick things up. Whatever you need.”

“My girlfriends will also be around to help,” Nina added.

“I’ve got meetings,” Gemma said, “And I’m picking up Mum from the train after, but we can come over too.”

I look at them all, grateful to have everyone offering to help. I hadn’t been in the UK for a birthday in several years, and I was looking forward to it. It was going to be low key, I only sent out an invite email to a few dozen people a few days ago. I was planning on just having it at home, which kept things simple and meant I didn’t have to worry about the added element of paparazzi or other people being around.

“How about we go out for dinner on Friday night then?” I suggested, “I’ve hired caterers for Saturday so there’s really not a lot to do that can’t happen on Saturday during the day. Just have to clean the outdoor furniture a bit, although it’ll be cold. I’ll book somewhere for Friday, that’ll be a good start to the weekend.”

“You can’t take us out for dinner on your birthday weekend!” Gemma scoffed.

“Watch me,” I stared her down.

+++

Fresh orange and pink light beamed all around us as Nina, and I made our way hand in hand back along the streets from Hampstead Heath.

It was only just nearing seven am, but I was alive with the sense I’d been awake and could continue being awake, for days. It was a high I only really experience within the throngs of touring life, but starting the day watching the sunrise with Nina, standing with her back pressed tightly to my chest, gave the same sense of life. And I felt drunk on the feeling.

“Look at that picture, that’s a good one,” Nina held my phone up in front of us, tilting the screen when I squinted to see which one she was talking about. Walking lazily, side by side, was a strange kind of perfect.

“My forehead looks funny,” I commented, pulling her out of the path of a puddle when she started flipping through the rest of the photographs we’d just taken together.

“When did you take this?” Nina asked, eyes together as she assessed my personal favourite; Nina standing with her hands in her pockets, eyes closed with her face to the sky, sunrise lighting up the expanse behind and above her. As soon as I had taken it, I knew it would be one I’d keep. I had already made it my phone lock screen, and I planned on changing Nina’s contact picture to it as well.

It was Nina I always wanted to see; beautiful beyond belief, simple in that way that had me catching my breath.

“You were having a moment,” I explained, “I captured it perfectly.”

“I look ...” She trailed off.

“... Completely gorgeous,” I finished with certainty, snatching the phone away from her and shoving it in my pocket. “Now, pay attention to where you're walking please.”

We chatted about what it might be like to live like hermits for the rest of ours lives, and by the end of it Nina decided the life we’d described—early rises, countless books, snuggly nights, no television—sounded a lot like retirement. I smiled at the thought.

When we got back to the house, kicking off muddied boots and jackets damp with the moisture from the air, I flopped myself down on my favourite sofa as Nina said she’d be back after a quick trip to the bathroom.

“Harry,” She sat right next to my waist when she returned. “Are you ... Okay, you’re going back to sleep,” She answered herself, I opened one eye to look up at her. Nina was looking around the room like she was trying to figure out what she was going to do next. I mumbled a laugh and let the eyelid close slowly.

I stuck my arm out to incase her, keeping my eyes shut, “You fit too, c’mon.”

I managed to get her lying next to me for a moment. Still, just as I was adjusting myself against the back of the sofa and pulling her legs closer to mine with an expertly hooked foot, Nina surprised me by wriggling free and instead straddling my hips to sit up and look down at me.

"Why, hello," I opened my eyes and smiled up at her, wanting more than anything to be able to convey how fucking beautiful she looked.

"Hi," She grinned.

“Are you trying to say you don't want me to have a nap right now?”

“I mean, a nap can be on the list,” Nina said, pressing her lips to my neck and digging her hands underneath my shirt, “But maybe you’d like to do something else first.”

“Like what,” I insisted, letting her pull my shirt over my head but pulling her down for a heated kiss.

Nina sat back on my hips and surprised me by pulling her own shirt straight over her head without any hesitation, “I think you’re clever enough to figure it out.”

+++

“Do you no think if I start doing a bunch of media people will get suspicious? I think I’d prefer not to,” I told the conference call, my concentration momentarily pulled to Nina and her girlfriends assembling a string of garden lights outside. “I really want this EP to drop without a whisper of it beforehand, I don’t want to lose the fun of that.”

“I agree with Harry,” I recognised my manager’s voice.

“Okay,” The rep from marketing relented, “No media until afterwards then.”

“I’ll do interviews until my mouth bleeds once it’s out, promise,” I told them cheekily, hearing a screech from outside and then a choir of laughter. “Is that everything?”

It was, and the call ended soon after. I plugged my phone in to charge on the kitchen bench and peeked out the window again. Nina hadn’t stopped smiling since her friends arrived earlier in the morning. They had been out with Gemma buying lights and decorations for the party tonight. I couldn’t say I gave them free rein, they simply took it.

Gemma was off collecting our mum, so when I walked through to the dining area, I started on sorting through a whole bunch of crap on the table to be put away before the party. The doors to the back garden were open, so I tuned into the conversation going on out there momentarily, with Sam’s reply catching my attention. I was only just out of their view but stayed quiet to see if I could catch the moment.

“Oh shut up, this is the best stage of the relationship, Nina. Just tell us how it is!”

“Quiet,” Nina insisted. “This is his house!”

Sam didn’t listen to her, “You of all people deserve to be having all the sex in the world right now. Are you?”

“I hate you so much right now.”

“Leave her alone,” Isabel said. “She’s bright red. That’s confirmation in itself. Harry adores her, there’s no way that man isn’t good in bed.”

“I’m leaving,” Nina announced, appearing in the doorway a second later.

I spun around and met her eyes, she was bright red and looking flustered. Her mouth fell open when she saw me, and I bit my lip but smiled at her, knowing I had been caught. The girls called out for her and just when I opened my mouth she pointed right at me.

“Not a word from you,” She tried to look menacing, “Not a word.”

I held up both hands and laughed, “I wouldn’t dare … But for the record, I’d appreciate it if you defended my reputation instead of leaving room for doubt by being silent.”

“Harry,” She hissed, looking behind her to make sure her friends weren’t nearby.

“I mean, ‘all the sex in the world’ is a little hard to quantify, but we’re doing okay,” I grinned, watching her blush deepen almost as much as it had in the shower that morning.

Nina narrowed her eyes at me, “I’m going to put the kettle on for tea.”

“I’ll come help.”

“I’d prefer it if you didn’t,” She threw over her shoulder as she left the room.

I laughed loudly but followed after her regardless. She was embarrassed, and it was sweet. As I walked passed her in the kitchen, I gave her bum a light tap and told her she was beautiful. She told me to go away, but her voice was soft and affectionate—her heart not in it. When I returned to her side with a bunch of mugs and the tin of tea under my arm, I put everything down and looped my arm around her middle, depositing my hand in the back pocket of her jeans.

I gave her bottom a squeeze and pressed a kiss to the shell of her ear, guessing the question her girlfriends had asked her, “Tell me how the sex is, Nina.”

She smiled and was about to reply when we both jumped and turned around at the voices behind us.

“Urgh! See? They’re having so much sex,” Georgie cried out with Sam and Isobel close behind.

“Oh my god,” Sam wheezed, pointing at Nina, “Your face. Both of your faces. Gold.”

“You’re all uninvited to tomorrow night,” Nina shouted through a smile, “Tell them,” She nudged my side.

All four women were looking at me, and I was truly at a loss as to what to say, but I found myself laughing along with Nina’s friends, “Thank you very much for having this conversation while my sister isn’t here.”

They all laughed again, but Nina covered her face with her hands and turned back to the kettle. While Nina made the tea, the rest of us moved on to discussing where else they should decorate.

A plan was hatched to add some lights out in the front courtyard.

+++

“They’re never going to stop talking, are they?”

I felt Nina laugh against my chest and the sheets across my chest moved when she snuggled even closer, “No.” “You absolutely wish you were in with them, aren’t you?” I said into the darkness of my bedroom, “You have FOMO, just admit it.”

The sound of her friends chatting down the hall, despite the fact it was the middle of the night, was the only sound going through my house. We went out for dinner once my sister and mum arrived and now, a few bottles of wine at home later, Nina’s friends were very much enjoying themselves instead of sleeping.

“I thought we were all tired,” Nina mumbled through a yawn.

“They’re full of beans.”

She spoke sleepily, and it made me smile, “I love them.”

“Me too.”

I love you as well, I thought.

“Are you excited for your party tomorrow?” Nina asked quietly. My mind lingered on my previous thought.

“I am,” Her hair was damp against my shoulder, and one smooth leg of hers was spotted between mine, “Are you?”

“I’m a little nervous,” Nina admitted. “But it will be good.”

I kissed her cheek and wondered what the best method of reassuring her was, “Should we do sunrise again?”

Her head started nodding against my skin before she spoke, “Mhmm, let’s. You set the alarm, my eyes are already closed.”

“How you do know mine aren’t closed as well,” I chuckled.

“I can hear you blinking.”

“There’s absolutely no way that is true.”

“It is.” “It’s not.”

“You have lovely eyelashes, and I’m a prodigy, I can hear it when you blink.”

“Oh, now you’re a prodigy.”

“When it suits me, yes.”

#1dff #one direction #one direction fanfiction #harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #fic:someday someday #hina

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