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#feeding my dogs thinking about how they feel after breaking away from bhaal
bhalspawn
·
9 months
Text
im so worried about. roan. i know theyre literally my character but im worried
#feeding my dogs thinking about how they feel after breaking away from bhaal
#empty furious lonely devastated ecstatic. afraid numb sheer relief. it goes back and forth
#going from relieved to be free to enraged at bhaal for everything to desperately wanting to return to him and then hating themself for it
#i think they try to find information about their foster parents. some kind of desperate hope that the memory of killing them is just
#a result of their brain being excavated by orin
#who i think they cared for! in their way! by the time of the absolute plot there's barely anything left that hasn't been honed by bhaal into
#an implement of destruction
#but orin is family; her blood is diluted but they still share it. roan sees the way she plays with her bodies as selfishness
#also that seems to be the way sarevok sees it and that's the vibe i get from the book/letter durge writes her
#which is interesting that she kept it
#anyway. roan kills her because they have to but even doing that feels familiar to them. some distant thought in the back of their mind
#that says they always knew it would end this way. and some part of them berating orin for not killing them
#thinking that this is what they meant; if she had just listened even a little bit she couldve been bhaal's chosen
#but she chose personal glory and satisfaction over bhaal and that's why she failed
#and i wonder just how much durge changes afterwards. how much of their thoughts still revolve around murder
#like. habitually. ofc it obviously varies for everyone but
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