Casual Reminder

Not a call out or anything, just read some shit recently that got me thinking about some shit again.

Co-dependency is not an okay/cute/romantic relationship model. It's emotionally manipulative at best (at worst abusive) to force someone else to be responsible for your happiness. To hinge your emotional state solely on someone else is so unhealthy for all parties involved and it is so disrespectful of the wants and autonomy of your partner don't do that shit it's pretty evil. And I don't mean like "when my partner is happy, I'm happy" I mean like "if you don't love me in this specific way then it will break my heart and devastate my will to live and it will be your fault for not loving me this certain way that is likely much more than you're comfortable with" or "if you don't conform to my idea of how you should feel and act in our relationship then you will be hurting me, and if I hurt myself it's your fault because you made me do it".

There are lots of varieties of co-dependency and all of them are manipulative and many are abusive. Co-dependency can of course include the kinds of threats of self-harm, and blame shifting I just mentioned, but it can also be gas-lighting to make you seem like the abuser and your co-dependent partner seem like the victim. These are strategies to make you feel like you're in the wrong and that you owe some amount of reparations or loyalty to your partner for having treated them so badly, making it easier for them to control you and your behaviors within the context of your relationship.

Basically if you think you may be co-dependent, or have a co-dependent personality, please do not date until you've sought professional help and overcome your abusive tendencies. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. If you think your partner may be co-dependent like this, get out. Get out all the way, and sever all ties. Cut loose and never look back. Block all contact with them. Burn all bridges. Destroy friendships if you must but get away. Because it won't get better. They will only drag you deeper, make things worse until you're just a tool for their own self-gratification.

I worry about this because there's so many young authors out there writing fan fictions that depict co-dependency as cute/romantic/idealic relationships, "without character B around, character A would get depressed and die, that's how much they love them, how romantic!" It's not. People are autonomous and self-sufficient individuals and forcing someone else to be responsible for your happiness is evil, lazy, manipulative, abusove, inconsiderate, disrespectful, and about the worst thing you could do to someone you truly cared about. Sure if your SO breaks up with you, it's okay to feel sad, but it's not okay to use that emotion as leverage to keep them around.

In conclusion. Don't be in a relationship until you can treat your partner with humanity and respect. And don't stay in a relationship where your partner's feelings always outweigh your own!