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sardonic-courtney · 4 years

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Crowley x Reader. We Met Before. P3/7

Summary: You end up living with Bobby after your parents die. You go to church and meet Priest Crowley and you end up getting along (if you know what i mean). A few years later when Bobby passes you move the the bunker with Sam and Dean and end up meeting Crowley again.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Warnings: Mention of loss, Spelling mistakes, you go to church?

Around 2500 words.

Let’s Get Coffee.

“Yay thank you” You yelled heading up the stairs to get changed…

Training went well, although you didn’t really do much. Bobby who was still reluctant helped you to shoot inanimate objects and some basic hand to hand combat with no weapons, because in his words “you won’t always have a weapon on you so that’s the best place to start.” You are pretty sure it’s just because he is buying time before the brothers come into town so they can deal with the more athletic training. Not because Bobby wasn’t good, he was but he was quite impatient and not the best Teacher.

Time Skip to the Next Saturday Night brought to you by Juliet.

The last week consisted of a few training lessons here and there, you were starting to get really good with a gun, and to Bobby’s ‘luck’ he did some blade training and you actually weren’t half bad. Right now, you were eating takeaway, 8pm, on the sofa with Bobby watching some old tv show.

“So kid, Winchesters are coming round tomorrow. Want me to pick you up from church to save you walking so you can see the two idjits sooner, I know you miss them”. He said emphasising miss in a teasing manor.

“Oh yeah soo much” You replied rolling your eyes. “But no, I’m good, I’m actually going out after for some coffee”.

“So, you and Lena finally meeting outside of church?”

“Nope”

“Wait so who are you meeting with then? A new boyfriend of yours? If so, I want to meet him first.”

“What? No, I’m not completely sure, just a group of us meeting up after church.”

“What do you mean you don’t know. Who asked you? That old woman that lives next to the church because if so, I wouldn’t go she will just talk everyone’s ear of about her cats”

“No, the Priest actually just to share ideas about the bible after.”

“Right well err have a good time?” He replied unsure

“Thanks Bobby I’m gonna head up now and sort everything out and go to bed”

“Don’t use up all my water, I’ll see you after your coffee, call me if you want a lift.”

“will do, night”

“Night kid.”

*Beep Beep* Your alarm read 8:30 Sunday. You go up and got showered and dressed. You opted for an outfit which made you look good but it was still simple and casual, whether you were trying a bit harder because you were seeing Crowley or because the boys were coming you wouldn’t say. You grabbed an easy snack and decided to take the scenic route as you had 30 minutes to get there and you didn’t want to wait around. You arrived exactly at 9:32 and waited a few minutes before walking in, no sign of Lena anywhere, strange. Your seats however remained empty, so you sat once again on the seconded row back. Just as you received a message.

Lena- Sorry my mums not feeling well so I’ve had to take my brother to football. Hope service is good.

(Y/N)- No problem, have fun at football.

You replied before muting your phone and sliding it away just as Crowley came out.

“Good Morning…………………………………Thank you all for coming. Bless you all and I shall see you next week.”

Looking up at the clock reading 10:30, everyone stood up and headed out the door, you however being unsure of where you were going for coffee waited at the end of the pew, letting other passed. You didn’t really focus on the topic at hand but hoped you could blag your way through the teachings of rich man and Lazarus. As everyone left Crowley once again was behind you smiling.

“(Y/N) how are you?”

“Hi, I’m good thank you, how are you doing?” you reply, once again you feel strangely flustered.

“Better now that’s over and we can go get coffee.”

“Oh yeah about that where are we meeting?”

“I was thinking the little café down 3 blocks over. Small and easy to find a table.”

“Mrs Wolowitz’s?”

“Yes, That’s it”

“I think I know the way; well you better go, and I’ll meet you guys there” You say about to head off.

“I’m sorry love, you must be mistaken I meant just the two of us. If that’s alright”

“Yeah no sorry that more the fine, I just assumed.” You stuttered out. You hadn’t meant to jump to a conclusion but that seemed more likely then just you two going out for coffee. Alone in a small café. Damn it (Y/N) stop thinking again.

“Do you want to follow me in my car? In case you get lost?”

“Oh um.” You awkwardly laughed. “I actually walk here so I’ll get it up on my phone”

“No, no don’t be stupid you’re going in my car.”

“I wouldn’t want to intrude”

“No come on let’s go.”

The car ride was short and pretty much silent but not awkward. You were nervous but also happy you weren’t going to be stuck with a bunch of old Christians arguing about meanings. Before you got out the car, he took his clerical collar of leaving him in a normal black shirt. You got out, got a table and ordered your drinks, and reluctantly allowed Crowley to pay.

“So, Y/N how did you find todays service?” Crowley asked looking straight at you for an answer.

“Oh um, it was good” you replied suddenly feeling nervous and unsure of how to answer. You were sat in a café, with an attractive Pastor whose stare seemed to go straight through you.

“Anything to add? Any views on the passage?” Crowley said seeming slightly distracted.

“Not really no. Sorry maybe you start an idea and I’ll add?”

“I don’t really have any either, well to be honest with you I would rather get to know you then your views on the bible.”

“Me?” you smiled, this just got better now it’s apparent you probably aren’t going to be sat discussing the bible over the next half hour or so.

“Yes you” he replied a small smile resting on his lips.

“Well what do you want to know?” you didn’t really know what sort of thing to tell him so thought it best to just ask.

“Well how about we play a game?”

“A game?”

“Yes, a game, you know an activity one engages in for fun?” his smile turning slightly into a smirk.

“Oh, thanks I didn’t know what a game was, what sort of game?”

“I ask a question and you ask one back?” he paused “if you would like, if you wanted to sit around and talk about bibles, we could ask biblical ones”

“No normal questions are fine; you can start since I don’t know what games are” you say sarcastically.

Just then the waiter came and delivered your drinks, nodding his head slightly at your companion before he left. You took a sip of your drink as Crowley moved on; this wasn’t what you though this evening would be but it’s definitely an improvement.

“If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?”

“(Y/A) {your answer}”

“Why?”

“It just seems perfect. I could see myself walking around and just admiring everything there you know?”

“Well hopefully one day you’ll go.” Crowley took a sip of his steaming drink and returned to looking at you. Really looking at you, it was weird, like he was genuinely interested in what you were saying. “I’ve been a few times and I must say the {landmark} is beautiful to visit.”

“One day I will see it, anyway you seem like you’ve been to loads of places where have you been?”

“Pretty much everywhere, I do enjoy travelling.”

“wow, I wish” you sigh out.

“Do you travel?”

“Not really, when I was younger me and my parents would move around America but that stopped a while ago.”

“Oh, how come?”

“They died so I moved in with my godfather and haven’t left town since, I know if he could we would go but he needs to stay here for work and everything and now I’m blabbing on again sorry.” You said it more as a fact mentally ready for the normal oh I’m sorry and what happened and are you okay to come.

“No don’t apologise I’m interested and I’m sorry to hear about them but your godfather sounds like a good man, and maybe one day you can travel again, maybe even the world, what do you plan on being in the future?”

“Definitely the plan, and I’m not sure yet. What about you have you always dreamed of being a pastor?”

“No, definitely not. I’m only a substitute pastor anyway if there’s such a thing.”

“what do you do then when you’re not?”

“I guess you could say I’m a businessman, I mainly make deals and such.”

“oh, is that why you always travel?” You say looking down at your drink and sipping.

“Exactly why my job requires a lot of popping to places. Now if you will humour me, I’m curious, you go to church but don’t seem completely religious, is that so?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t mean to offend you, but I notice you zoning out during teaching and you just seem… I don’t know how to put it.”

“Well if I’m honest I’m not sure about it really. The whole believing in God thing. I mean I’m sure he’s there, but I don’t think there’s much he can do.”

“So why go?”

“Well my mum used to always take me and well it makes me feel closer to her, I’m sorry if that offends you.”

“Not at all, not at all” he said a slight smirk on his face again.

This was weird, not in a bad way but weird. As the time passed, he started to become even less like a pastor and more like a friend. You continued sharing random stories finding out how he grew up in Scotland and all about his random like and dislikes. He was a nice guy and you no longer felt nervous. Time went by and you both ordered another drink. Now your cups were sitting empty and you were discussing what the best era would be to live through, when your phone beeps.

12:51

Bobby: Hey, hows the discussions going, what time do you think your going to leave I dont know if I can deal with them alone any longer and theyve only been here 3 hours as it is.

You: oh, sorry I didn’t realise the time, um ill finish my drink and leave soon. Tell them I say hi.

You slid your phone into you pocket and looked back up at Crowley. Wow you had been sat talking for over two hours.

“Everything okay?” he asked

“Yeah everything is fine just didn’t realise the time. Sorry I’m going to have to go in a minuet I have guests over and completely forgot.”

“No problem, would you like a lift back?”

“I can walk it’s fine.”

“Please at least let me drop you of at the church, I need to pick up some things there anyway.”

“Okay.”

With that the two of you got back into his car and arrived back at the church both getting out and standing in the completely deserted parking lot.

“Thank you for the lift, and the drinks.” You smiled checking you had everything and looking up at him.

“No problem I had a good time, and maybe if you would like I could get your number and we could do it again sometime, get to know each other a bit more, maybe over some food.”

If you didn’t know any better it would sound like a date offer, in fact part of you wishes it had been but pastors don’t date, do they?

“Yeah sounds good today was fun.” You grab your phone pulling up your number.

“I’m sorry that may not have been clear enough” he said looking at your phone and entering your number into his. “I was referring to going out on a date.”

“But you’re a priest?” you blurt out before thinking. Mentally slapping your head.

“A substitute priest love, and like you I don’t hold religion too close to my heart” he said chuckling and putting his phone away.

“Well in that case that sounds great. I better start heading back but text me.”

“I will, safe walk home, if you’re sure you don’t want a lift.”

“I’m sure, goodbye Crowley”

“Goodbye Y/N”

And with that you left. What just happened?

*Times Skip Home*

You walk through the door into the lounge greeted with the boys and bobby drinking beers and talking, coming to a halt when you walked in.

“Y/N, hey how have you been” Sam asks looking up at you smiling. Before you could answer Dean butted it.

“Y/N Bobby here tells us you’ve been out talking about the bible, please tell me you haven’t it’s like half one.”

“Nice to see you to Dean, and no I haven’t I met with a friend. I’m great thank you Sam, how are you?” you reply going to sit down before realising a pair of legs in the way. “Deans move your legs”

Reluctantly he swung them over the coffee table allowing you to sit down.

“Good thank you” you’re not sure if Sam would have continued but bobby spoke up.

“A friend? You said you were meeting with a group of you, lying, now are we?”

“what? No, I just got a bit confused we were going to talk about the service but we got distracted. But what’s more important is what you two have been up to.” You reply casually leaving out the fact you had spent the last two hours with a male and had half planned a date.

“No, what’s more important is you are 18. And we have something for you.” Sam said poking his head around Dean.

“Sammy’s right Dean said pulling something out his duffle bag. It was neatly wrapped and slightly battered around the edges. Sam definitely wrapped it.

“Guys you shouldn’t have.” You said unwrapping it. At first you saw a leather-bound book. It was bound with a rope wrapped around and decorated with a light house on the front.

“Open it up (Y/N/N)” Sam said.

Unwinding the rope, you opened it up to find postcards and pictures from the boys, all in Sam’s writing.

“We, well I thought you could have a journal to note down anything you want its always good to have one. The postcards and stuff are from each of the places me and Dean have been. We knew you wanted to go, and you always want to here stories so I thought it would be a good way to make it seem like you were there.”

“Sam it perfect thank you so much.” You stood up and hugged him before taking a seat back down noticing Dean had a scruffier package in his hand.

Accepting it and opening it Dean began.

“I’m not as thoughtful as Sam but I saw this, and thought would like it.”

It was a rope necklace with a stone on the end. Under the stone was a small piece of card with a handwritten message explaining the stones properties of protection and healing. You read it and put it on twiddling the stone in your fingers (You can change stone to your liking).

“It’s beautiful Dean thank you very much” you say leaning over to hug him.

“I’m glad” he says pulling back smiling.

The evening goes on, you order food and joke with each other, Bobby leaving to go to bed and the three of you falling asleep sprawled out on the couch and armchair around 11pm

Wow that was long and mainly build up, but don’t worry romance will be in the next one. I hope you enjoyed this though, thanks for reading.

#crowley #Crowley Supernatural #crowley x reader #crowley x you #crowley x y/n #y/n #supernatural #supernatural x reader #xreader

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almaasi · 6 years

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reaction post typed while watching SPN 13x23 “Let The Good Times Roll”

idk what you guys thought but I LIKED IT and here’s why!!!! (EXCEPT THAT THING WITH THE KNIFE??? WHAT THE HELL???)

04:02pm

so it only took 45 minutes to an hour to find somewhere to watch this, my thanks to @trisscar368 for helping me out!!!

eventually found it streaming rather than downloading, would not recommend but HEY IT WORKS (for now) [http://gorillavid.in/zbtu97hfei65]

this feels like it’s 2008 all over again, trying to watch doctor who after school

OKAY LET’S GO

i’ve seen a bunch of major spoilers but i know cas doesn’t die so i’m good. apparently it’s A Boring Episode but also MICHEAL and LUCIFER so

idk idk let’s just watch the thing and find out what happens

04:04

rowena: is there, i dunno, music? CARRY ON MYY WAYWAR---

fuck

04:09pm

feels good having bobby there

BOBBY’S REACTION TO TRUMP IS THE BEST EVER

“and you call where WE come from ‘apocalypse world’?”

04:11

cas: “they’re talking about whether kylie jenner would make a good mother. consensus is no”

hey give her a chance

i mean i know nothing about her but she seems... teachable?

dean: “yeah well, that’s why i’m a chloe man”

WHOOOOOP dean loves his girly trash tv i see

brown werewolf: “now that is why i’m a chloe man”

dead brown person alert :|

how naive i was to think he might be left alive because he got a speaking line and made himself a dean parallel with that single line

04:16

mary: “do you really like the rain?”

bobby: “when it’s this beautiful, i do”

lest anyone forget bobby is a gentle down to earth sweetheart

soft papa bear

“rowena and charlie are road-tripping it through the south-west”

WOULD WATCH THAT SPINOFF

but #savewaywardsisters first

04:19

dean: “can you imagine? you, me, cas, toes in the sand, couple of those little umbrella drinks, matching hawaiian shirts, obviously”

PLEASE

“....some hula girls“

mmmm *squints at how that part was said after a....... pause, off-screen with the camera on sam*

04:24

dean to jack: “it’s not about being strong....... i don’t know what you went through over there... but i know you came out the other side. because you ARE strong”

good papa dean words

much love for him and his emotional avaliability

04:26

dean: “whatever you’re dealing with, whatever comes at us, we’ll figure out a way to deal with it. together. we’re family, kid”

sam said it to dean, dean said it to jack

i guess the next step is ...jack saying it to cas?? SOMEONE’s gotta say it to cas

but also WOOOO DEAN’S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT REGARDING JACK SINCE THE START OF THE SEASON

04:32

is it just me or is this a seriously unfortunate racist-looking coincidence

desperately hoping this wasn’t the guy who killed maggie

(i don’t think it is, which means maybe this is a “don’t jump to conclusions” kind of storyline which has a race-relations subtext??? i wish it meant nothing besides jack’s need to protect others, but given the lack of living characters of colour on this show, the minute a person of colour shows up, it BECOMES about the fact they’re not white, bECAUSE they always die, invariably)

anyway, my point is: this is problematic

also the red shirt. as in “red shirts always die” ??

edit: thank goodness....... RED HERRING

“3 sheeps” poster in the background

i remember this symbolism from something earlier but can’t remember exactly what

i’m thinking lambs to the slaughter, or being part of a flock, or being herded into something they’re wrong about, being naive, following each other one by one into the unknown

wow reading tarot has improved my “make a list of all the obvious symbolism” skills

04:39

the fact cas is suffering with the angel language whistle is interesting?? i thought it hurts dean because he can’t understand it

which means.......cas isn’t understanding this noise?

or maybe he is understanding, it’s just real loud

04:42

enjoying sam being protective of cas

lucifer: ........”the three amigos.... sam, dean, and the other one”

that’s probably how a lot of people see team free will tbh

how sad

lucifer: “you want a lightsaber?”

jack:

vroom

we mAY HAVE LONG SAID HE’S TOO PRECIOUS FOR THIS WORLD BUT WE NEVER MEANT FOR HIM TO LEAVE

04:50

that awkward moment when you’re trying to solve a murder and your adorable magic grandson comes home with the devil

the face you make when the devil makes an ableist joke about your son and then says “no offence”

(the ”i would murder you but there’s enough dead bodies in here right now” face)

04:56

maggie: “kinda seems like you have... you know, bigger.... satan-y... problems”

bless this girl

05:00

dean: “as shakespeare once said: eat me, dick-bag”

tbh shakespeare probably did say that at one point or another

add shakespeare to the list of dean’s bisexual heroes

(follow up thought: what if when cas could time-travel, he and dean and sam went to go explore shakespeare’s town and dean made.... Friends)

05:04

lucifer’s talking to jack about their future space travels

i mean i think it’s fairly obvious, lucifer was the one who killed maggie, so he could bring her back and impress jack

maggie said “i didn’t see their face but i saw their eyes” and that means it was either lucifer or michael with the glowing eyes, and micheal said to dean “you’ll be the first life i take in this world” which leaves lucifer

stinking nasty manipulative trash angel

05;07

micheal, while strangling dean: “could’ve done this quick, but i wanted to enjoy it, that moment when the soul leaves the body”

yeeeah okay sure, speak aloud your reasons you’re stalling for time while jack figures out how to get back

05:10

jack to lucifer: “you’re not my father. you monster”

HUZZAH

for the record i’m... reaLLY ENJOYING THIS episode so far

it’s all big and mighty and magical but the core of the story is a boy trying to find his family and figure out the truth behind his manipulative father

i’m so glad it led to this because i am HERE for this kind of story

the world hangs in the balance, but it’s not dean, cas and sam trying to save everyone, it’s jack trying to find his place among loved ones, and by following his desire to help people he’s learning what he needs to know

i fucking love this okay

05:14

lucifer: i just need your power--

OH NO I SPOKE TOO SOON

OH NO

05:17

michael: “this is the end. of everything”

I SEE DEAN’S COGS WHIRRING AND I WORRY

nine years of not saying yes to micheal and now it’s happening isn’t it

05:20

jack’s pained little whimper :c :c :c

05:21

dean: “i am your sword”

CHILLS

05:22

dean: “CAS I DON’T HAVE A CHOICE”

cas: D:

PERFECT MOMENT FOR AN AGGRESSIVE KISS but nope that would be too much like goodbye

05:24

third option rather than sam or jack trying to kill each other: they pick up lucifer’s blade and kill lucifer with it

05:26

WHAT

??????

BAD IDEA????

JUST STAB LUCIFER????

jack: i love you

NOO ;;A;A;A;A;A;A;A;;A;A

DJSGJD

I’M NOT ENJOYING THIS 0/10 WOULD NOT RECOMMEND

PLEASE STOP

05:27

WELL FUCK

hi there

WHHHOOOOOOO

meanwhile back at the bunker: cas has the weirdest traumatic boner

05:29

THE WINGS KEEP GETTING BIGGER

05:31

interesting angel flying physics here

dean flails while sailing slowly backwards

i mean i know he’s on a suspension wire but technically waving his arms about ought to affect his position

05:33

LITERALLY SAM COULD’VE DONE THAT TO BEGIN WITH

WHAT EVEN WAS THE POINT OF THIS

HE COULD’VE ACTED LIKE HE WAS ABOUT TO STAB JACK AND THEN GO WHOOSH AND STAB LUCIFER

SAM HAS FUCKING NOODLE ARMS HE COULD’VE DONE IT WITH HIS EYES CLOSED

JEEZ

05:35

okay but i’m laughing right now

are you telling me this is what happens if lucifer accidentally trips and falls on his knife

where did that golden blade come from anyway

has lucifer just been carrying it around this whole time?

COULD ANYONE HAVE PICKPOCKETED THAT KNIFE AND STABBY STABBY >>> EXPLODING FLYING FLAME DEVIL ??

WHAT BRAIN CELLS WAS LUCIFER MISSING TO HAND THAT BLADE TO SAM WINCHESTER IN THE FIRST PLACE

OR GO INTO BATTLE WITH MICHAEL WITHOUT THE KNIFE

OR TO HAVE THAT BLADE ON HAND IN THE FIRST PLACE ??????????

I’m sorry i just find this hilarious

i mean good fucking riddance to this trash angel but wow what a way to get there

all of this was so easily avoidable ?? i seriously don’t understand what possessed sam to think “aw yeah let’s pick up this magic devil blade to KILL MY OWN SON and/or HAND IT TO HIM SO HE CAN KILL ME” instead of “umMMM the devil just gave me a magic knife and is trying to tell us to kill each other maybe we should kill him with it”

I HOPE SOMEONE IN THE WRITER’S ROOM HAS A REALLY GOOD EXPLANATION FOR THIS

05:45

HAPPY RELIEVED SAMMY

why do i feel like everything’s about to go terribly terribly wrong, worse than before

05:48

i mean micheal!dean looks good though

despite everything i think dean would approve of the outfit

like he actually looks a little bit TOO attractive

definitely not to be trusted

you know when people just look TOO handsome and shiny and perfect and they’re TOO charming and you know something’s up

this guy’s got danger written all over him in sleek & elegant calligraphy

05:50pm

mmmmmmmmm okay, it’s over

i liked it ?

felt old-school, kinda like a buffy episode or an x-files episode

things i’m happy about: everyone lived and lucifer died!! this is a pretty cool progression of events and i’m interested to see where it goes (not EXCITED, i’m not EAGER, but i am interested). that black dude was not the one who killed maggie. maggie survived!!!

things i’m not thrilled about: the fact sam didn’t just stab lucifer in the face when he was right next to him holding the magic knife?????? i don’t get it and i don’t think any kind of meta is actually gonna be able to explain how ~UM EXCUSE ME JUST ONE SECOND~esque that moment was

no bechdel test pass

jack’s personal arc this season was great and i love him

as always, this show is riveting to me only because i care so much about the characters, and i cannot tELL YOu how fucking pleased i am that this show’s universe is now a universe where bobby, charlie, mary, rowena, dean, cas, sam, jack, jody, donna, claire, the other wayward girls, and billie ALL EXIST AND ARE ALIVE

seriously could’ve done with some kevin too, i’m still bummed that he’s died TWICE now and isn’t back permanently yet

but HOLY SHIT THE REST OF THEM ARE ALL ALIVE

GIVE ME A TEAM-FREE-WILL-MAJOR SEASON WITH ALL THE SQUAD ALIVE AND KICKING ASS AS A GROUP

like... save dean as a group, then one by one discover that dean and cas have been locked in a room without clothes for three days, then save the world and retire forever as a happy, healthy hunter squad with their gay dads

FUCK YEAH

overall, this episode is maybe a 9/10 just because that FUCKING KNIFE man. i dunno what to think about that.

like .........why

i also want cas to have a season arc!!! a positive one!!! where he actually accepts love and expresses affection and receives AUDIBLE AND VISIBLE AND TANGIBLE affection from others!!!

and for fuck’s sakes stop killing people of colour, give us more women of colour who are good and don’t die, pass the bechdel test more often

AND ABOVE ALL GIVE US WAYWARD SISTERS I WANT THAT SHOW SO BADLY AND EVERYTHING IT REPRESENTS

IT WOULD FILL IN ALL THE GAPS THAT ARE MISSING FROM THIS SHOW

PLEASE

#13x23 #let the good times roll #Elmie watches things #spn spoilers #season 13 #post of postiness

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beanie-beebo-writes · 3 years

Text

It follows

Series Summary: Reader is running from financial problems and his/her studies, will they catch up with him/her? Charlie's close friends (none other than Sam and Dean) go to check up on the reader due to Charlie becoming worried for him/her. Trouble pursues, as the reader wants to keep silent about his/her struggles.

Warnings: Brief description of vomit

Masterlist

Chapter 10

"You were talking to him on the phone while I was in the shower, weren't you?" Sam asked.

"Maybe.." You replied with a slight grimace.

Sam's well known puppy-dog look almost drew you in.

"You didn't have to lie to me (Y/n), it's alright."

You shrugged, not really wanting to get into detail about your doubts.

Thankfully, no one seemed to press on, so you all ate in silence. It wasn't awkward, yet there was still some tension felt in the air. Maybe they were too worn out from the drive to insist anything too greatly. You didn't really know, but you accepted it with open arms.

It was only a few moments later that you completely licked your entire foam plate clean. You hadn't had a decent meal like this in what seemed like forever, and you couldn't have been more grateful. You looked up to the boys' mirroring surprise.

"You gonna eat the plate too?" Dean chuckled.

You quickly pulled your tongue back in and turned a deep shade of red. "No.."

"We can get you something else if you're really that hungry, do you want anything?" Sam asked.

You were about to say no when your stomach grumbled in protest; as if you didn't feel like a burden enough.

"That just means I'm digesting, I'm good." You lied, again.

Sam looked at you in disbelief. "Are you sure, (Y/N)?"

You nodded before you had a chance to change your mind. "Yeah. Hey, are we doing more research on the case? Or are we going to check out the vics first?"

The brothers luckily took the bait. "We'll check them out first, just to give us some more concrete evidence on what we're dealing with. Gotta be thorough." Dean replied with a wink; his mouth stuffed with the last of a burger.

That was odd, Dean always seemed to jump to conclusions... At least from what you read. Maybe the books were different after all.

"I'll call the coroner to see if they'll take us earlier." Sam said, whipping out his phone.

"And if we can't get ahold of them," Dean made his way over to his duffle bag. "we'll head to the victims' loved ones, since we're headed there eventually."

Out of the large aged duffle came a suit neatly folded in plastic, which Dean seemed to be a little too cautious with (at least compared to his own clothes). He also pulled out a long navy tie for himself, along with a snazzy pair of shoes; which were still in a cardboard box. It then clicked that he and Sam rented their suits, and did not possess enough money to own one. Then it dawned you, that neither did you.

How had you not thought of attire for the case? Oh yeah, flashbacks. You shook your head to clear the memories that threatened to take control once again, and pondered deeply for a solution. There had to be something in your suitcase, right?

You instantly bolted to your luggage and dug for anything remotely businessesque. You were disappointed to remember that you left a lot of your clothes back at the dorm, figuring that traveling light would be best. But you didn't think you were going hunting with the Winchesters, so you didn't think to pack hunting essentials almost a year ago. After digging for a few minutes, you came across one of your dress shirts and a decent pair of slacks.

"Dean?" You asked a little timidly.

"Yeah?"

"Would this pass for an FBI agent?" You asked, holding up your outfit.

He paused from laying his suit out on the bed and gave your outfit a quick once-over.

"I think we could pass you as an agent-in-training at least." He remarked.

Sam walked over between you and Dean, explaining that the coroner would take you all within the next hour. Surprisingly, you weren't as far as you thought, as the three of you were situated on the outskirts of the city where the incidents all occurred; Kokomo, Indiana. With an acceptable amount of traffic on the road, it would take around forty minutes to an hour to get to the coroner's office.

"We better head out in a few then, if we want to get there in time." Dean replied.

Sam nodded. "You have something to wear (Y/N)?"

You held up the outfit Dean approved of, causing Sam to bite the inside of his cheek.

"We can always say she is an agent in training." Dean reassured.

"True.." Sam looked at the outfit once more and nodded. "Yeah, we can make it work. Alright, let's get going."

It wasn't until you got in the car that you knew it would be a long day. Your stomach began to rumble noisily again, but it was luckily unheard by everyone but yourself. You just hoped you could hold off at least until supper that evening.

You used water to tide off your hunger curb on the fifty minute drive to the Howard County Coroner Office, figuring that the sight of corpses would only decrease your appetite anyway.

"You ready?" Sam asked as you stepped out of the back seat.

You nodded with a gulp, knowing there certainly would be no turning back after seeing those haunted mangled bodies. Dean gave you a wary look, but you pushed him off mentally with an assuring nod. Although, you couldn't help but look back from the office steps at the world as you knew it.

"Agents, glad you could come earlier!" A stocky balding man beamed, in front of a small receptionist's desk.

"I'm glad you allowed us to, Mr. Seele." Sam replied.

"Is (he/she) a friend of yours?" Mr. Seele inquired.

"Oh, yeah. This is (Mr/Ms) Blaise, (he/she)'s our newest agent in training." Dean said.

Mr. Seele smiled warmly. "Well welcome to you too (Mr/Ms) Blaise!"

"Thank you." You replied as professionally as you possibly could.

He nodded in response. "Well boys, let's get right to it; I have a couple other clients to attend to this afternoon."

"No problem sir, it shouldn't take long." Sam commented.

The three of you were led down a slightly musty corridor. The room you were about to enter was a couple doors down on the right hand side, considering that this was the sole room to have extremely bright fluorescent lights. The boys looked at you one last time before they stepped into the room first. As another reassurance to yourself and to them, you curtly nodded.

The strong smell of chemicals watered your eyes as soon as you stepped foot into the room; the faint smell of multiple different bodily fluids and decomposition only made your stomach turn worse. How could someone even work in a place like this on a daily basis? You tried to focus on some more pleasant situations as the Head Coroner and the brothers discussed the bodies.

"I would definitely call this an animal attack, a weird one if that." Mr. Seele inferred, "You'll see what I mean once I show you the bodies."

Here we go. You tried to prepare yourself for the worst as he slid out seven bodies from their storage compartments; you weren't nearly as prepared. Bile burned the back of your throat as you slowly inched closer to the boys and the stiff shells of life that lay before you. They would have looked as if they were asleep if it were not for the large gaping holes in their chests.

"Do you have their reports on file, doctor?" Sam asked.

"We certainly do." He replied, pulling the coordinating files from multiple clipboards on a long table.

The names of the victims were Brayden Cole, Theodore Cromwell, Zachary Gort, James Page, Wanton Meers, Thomas Gartner, and Kelly Marx; as if that mattered anymore. They were lives of the past, that were currently who knows where. The only thing they all seemed to have in common thus far was the garish chest wound on each of their bodies. They weren't all the same gender nor same race, but of course, that wouldn't matter to a werewolf.

"I would have to agree with you doc, on the animal attack, but we'll still dig deeper anyway. We'll take it from here." Dean said.

"Alright. Just be sure close the door behind you!" The coroner responded.

"I would definitely say a wolf is what we're dealing with, the victims seem to have no relation to one another." Sam concluded as he flipped through the various reports.

You swallowed audibly. "It does look messy enough." You added.

"Now we just gotta find the culprit." Dean said, striding out the door to the morgue.

You were hasty to follow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You greeted the fresh air as if you would've never been outside from that moment on, at least for the rest of the day. It made you wonder if this lifestyle was really for you.

"How are you, kiddo?" Dean asked once you all were outside of the building.

"Um... I mean, I'm hanging in there for now, if that's what you're asking." You falsified.

"Good, because we still have a couple more people to interview, if you're up to it."

You sighed in relief for the distraction. "As long as I don't see more bodies f-"

It was literal word vomit. Contents likely from this afternoon spewed from your mouth onto the concrete steps and you choked. Your head spun, causing you to cling to the railing desperately. Several hands were placed on your back, but your head swam too much to tell who they specifically belonged to.

"Easy, easy!" Dean exclaimed.

Shivers traveled through your body as you finally finished emptying your stomach. You were sure that you would have lost it in the morgue, not around ten minutes later. You suddenly felt better but worse at the same time. So much for playing it cool.

"What the hell." You mumbled.

"(Y/N), hey, you okay?" Sam asked with a frown.

You cleared your throat and spit the remaining bile out from your mouth. "I think so." You answered truthfully.

Sam and Dean sat you down away from the vomit and comforted you for a moment more.

"Do you have any reason that my body decided to wait to freak out over a dead body?" You asked.

"Shock maybe?" Dean replied.

You lightly nodded, considering that they had their fair share of dead bodies to observe and deal with over the years.

"You good to go back to the car? Or are you going to spill your guts all over my leather seats?" He asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I'm good." You knew the remaining nausea had to be from the lack of food in your system.

#spn fanfic #spn x reader #spn reader insert

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stockwellarchives · 6 years

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“[Stockwell said,] I heard that Dino De Laurentis had rented the studio, that they were building the sets, that DUNE was going to be done, and that David Lynch would direct it,’ the actor remembers. ‘So, I put on my mental calendar that, before I left [where he was filming To Kill a Stranger], I would get over there and see if DUNE was being cast, and if I had a chance of getting in it. The next to last day of shooting, we had some stuff on the edges of the back lot, so at lunch, I asked Juan Lopez Moctezuma if he would be kind enough to get me an introduction to the DUNE people. Sure enough, I met David in the cafeteria, and it turned out, much to my surprise, that we had met once before, years ago. I said, “David, I love DUNE. I think it's great that you're doing this project, and I would LOVE to be in it.” I just flat out put my cards on the table. He thought for a second, then he had to tell me that the movie, at that point in time, was cast. So, I wished him all the best with DUNE and said goodbye. I left Mexico City and came back home [New Mexico], then went to LA for a TV show.

“‘Suddenly, I got a call from my wife, saying that my agent had called. I thought it was about another project, also being done in Mexico, by the first company that I had worked with down there. So, I called and my agent told me it was DUNE. I jumped up and down, very happy. He said they wanted me for the part of Dr. Yueh, and of course, I said to accept it. I finished [To Kill a Stranger], went back to my home, and made a telephone connection with David Lynch in Mexico City. What had happened was that John Hurt, who had originally been cast in the role, had found a schedule conflict and backed out of DUNE. Because I had fortuitously met with him in Mexico City, David immediately went with me.

“‘But the funny thing is, on the phone, the first thing he did was to apologize. He said, “If my reaction looked strange when you came into the commissary down there in Mexico City, please forgive me, but I had heard you were dead.” Whereupon I assured him that THAT information was incorrect.’ Feeling ‘plenty alive,’ as he describes it, Stockwell couldn't control his enthusiasm about DUNE. ‘My first reaction when I heard I got the part was, I couldn't care less which role it was because I just wanted to be in this movie,’ he says. ‘Then, I read the book again to refresh my memory. I thought of it as a part with a good deal of dimension to it. Yueh's not just a soldier. He has some guts. If I had chosen a character to play in this film, I think that he would have been among my first choices.’

“Stockwell also feels positive about his collaboration with director David Lynch. ‘David is just great to work for,’ Stockwell explains. "He has enormous respect for actors, and actors really respond to respect, let me tell you. If you want to get an actor pleased and doing his best work, just show him respect and you'll get it.....and love. David has that. He's not a technician who's only interested in the effects and the camera. His concern is the drama going on the screen. That, to me, makes a good director. And that's the kind of director with whom I enjoy working. DUNE was a lot of fun.’ The actor's admiration extends to producer Rafaela De Laurentis, whom he credits for carrying the project to its successful conclusion. Like many other production members, Stockwell had read Frank Herbert's novel years ago. An avid DUNE fan, he was well aware of the inherent difficulties of translating the Herbert masterwork from print to film. ‘At the time I read the book,’ Stockwell explains, ‘I NEVER thought of DUNE in terms of a movie, because there's so much internal stuff happening. If somebody had handed me the book and asked me about making it into a movie, I would have read it in a different way. I still would have been sceptical, because the obstacles to its conversion into a film were formidable. I think that fact was proved with the efforts of various other filmmakers to bring it to the screen, and failing. It wasn't until Rafaela De Laurentis tackled DUNE that it came about. I've worked with many wonderful, wonderful producers. But, in all honesty, I must say that Rafaela is the hottest producer with whom I've ever worked. She has the knack for it. It's as natural for her as walking is for a baby. It just comes so easy to her, that everyone feels at ease. You're not going to take advantage of Rafaela, because of her strength, but she doesn't put undue pressure on everybody, and things work themselves out because of her attitude. She's remarkable.’

“Despite his previous experience filming in Mexico, Stockwell admits that the shooting conditions for DUNE were ‘pretty rugged.’ He adds, "but, I was fortunate, in that my costumes were made of simple cloth. David has this thing for RUBBER. He has a fascination - you could even call it a PASSION - for rubber. He feels that nothing looks like rubber, and he's correct I'm sure. Working with the designer, he designed all the soldiers' outfits to be made out of rubber. Some weighed 160 pounds. The lightest ones, I think, were 70 or 80 pounds. All out of rubber, in the summer, in Mexico! So, you had many people passing out. As I said, I was lucky because I just wore a light cloth costume. I was down there for eight weeks, and I shot for six. I knew about the smog and the altitude. Their air pollution in Mexico City is pretty wicked. It's worse than LA. I think it's the worst in the world. But everything that I did on DUNE, was shot on soundstages. So, I didn't have the good - or bad - luck to have to go out in the desert to shoot. That must have been rougher still.’

“Shooting in such a large city far away from home for a long period of time can instill a sense of isolation among a film company. Yet, according to Stockwell, the loneliness blues didn't infect DUNE. ‘You didn't really have time to feel isolated,’ he says, ‘even if you weren't shooting every day, which was the case with many of us. Mexico City may be a big town, but the hotels where production people were placed were all in a central location. A long taxi ride to the studio, by the way. Most of the talent stayed in the “Pink Zone” two or three different hotels, all within a few blocks. If you were working, then, of course, everything was taken care of. But if you weren't then you would be walking around the block and there would be Sting, or Max von Sydow, or here comes the cameraman. If you went to dinner, there would be Rafaela and a group at one Italian restaurant. Go to another restaurant, and there would be David and somebody else. It became like a film festival because of the international atmosphere.’

“Stockwell found working with the international cast to be a pleasure. ‘It's a very gratifying feeling whenever you work with really top-notch, world-class actors,’ he says. "Of course, it does one's ego good. But, also it's very, very enjoyable, because you're aware of their competence, their professionalism and their total commitment. You can count on those actors, and that makes your work easier. I'm a big fan of Max von Sydow [who plays Imperial Ecologist Liet-Kynes]. It was a gas to meet him and share a scene with him. That was a trip. There aren't too many people who I get a little flustered about. But I was really impressed. He's very down home, personable and sweet. A very sweet man. He told me that he had admired something that I had done, and that just floored me. To have someone whom you really admire tell you that he liked something you have done is really great. It makes you feel wonderful. I also very much enjoyed working with Ken McMillan [who portrays the evil Baron Harkonnen]. He's a very dedicated, madman kind of actor. Ken and I spent quite a bit of time together on days off. We would go visit some little town or something. I enjoyed his company. He's an actor's actor if ever there was one.’

“Stockwell's favorite scene in DUNE may turn some moviegoers' stomachs. ‘I believe that, after people have seen the film, they'll remember it,’ he comments. ‘As everyone knows, Dr. Yueh is working for both sides. At a certain point, before all hell breaks loose, when everyone is aware that there's a traitor in the house of Atreides but not WHO, there's a little scene in Dr. Yueh's autopsy lab. Bodies of Harkonnen soldiers are laying around. A new body has just been delivered. Yueh has a kind of X-ray arrangement above the table. You see him with this body lying there, and suddenly he sees something imbedded inside the body. It's a tube with a message for him from the Harkonnens, which has to do with the plans for overthrowing the House of Atreides. Whereupon, he is obliged to take a scalpel and SLICE THIS BODY OPEN, then reach his hand into this body and fish around to find the tube! We shot the hell out of this scene, close-ups of my hand going into this body and fishing around. It was a big makeup deal. They had a fake body which was fantastically well done Everyone on the set was queasy from watching. If it had been my first movie, I probably would have fainted. It was pretty weird.’”

Lofficier, Randy, and Jean-Marc Lofficier. "DEAN STOCKWELL - THE TRAITOR OF DUNE." STARLOG Magazine, January 1985.

#Dean Stockwell #Dune #1984 #quote

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certifiablyplatinum · 5 years

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Can you save my heavydirtysoul?(Please say you can.)Twenty One Pilots concert story, 10/22/19

As I had missed my GA Floor seat show in June at home in Cbus due to my woeful injury, I decided to buy tickets when the boyz announced their second leg and stop in Cincinnati. I mean, why not? Fangirling all over the place here. Of course, I was taking Jordan, as the summer of 2016 was the Blurryface summer and we played it out on our deck almost every night. I am secure in my vast music knowledge and boldly admit my love for Twenty One Pilots just as I do my more bizarre and obscure bands. Diversity is where it’s at, babies, ya like what ya like.

The brilliant blue October day arrived, and my preparations were made.

First, I chose a hotel north of Cinci. I had a work retreat on the south side of Columbus the next morning, so shaving off those ends saved me time.

Secondly, I told the wayward Jordan “Meet me at XXX South High Street with your bags packed at 3:30 pm.” (referring to the event space I needed to be at the day after the show.) Jordan: Huh? Where? Why? Me: Just meet me there.

Third, I called the event space to ensure I could leave a car parked there overnight.

Fourth, I packed an overnight bag with 17 different outfits. I am not sure why.

I left work and drove to the space I was to be at the next morning, and Jordy showed up VERY promptly. (Me texting her: It’s just past the bridge going over 71. Her reply: I have GPS.)

She tossed her bags in my car, locked her car up, and off we went together. She drove, as I needed to focus up with a call and verbal beatdown to A T & T and a little light bill paying. An hour and a half later we arrived at our Blu hotel in Blue Ash, freshened up, poured a Citron and G2, and called an Uber to US Bank Arena.

Our driver pulled up, we tossed our cardboard coffee cups in the trash, and hopped in. He looked back at us randomly asked, “Do you like country music?” I diplomatically and cheerfully answered, “I do if you do!” He seemed to doubt my sincerity, as he wordlessly handed me his phone. I chose a 90s alt-rock playlist and, well…. Pearl Jam’s Jeremy came on first. I believe this set the tone for the whole evening and led to my overall uninhibited abandon. Because here’s the deal—I have this thing where I have a primal need to sing Pearl Jam loudly and also in a PREEEEETY spot-on Eddie Vedder voice. I simply can’t not do it. So when I began to bellow along in my Eddie voice, Mohammed turned the radio up so loud that my ears were bleeding, as if to urge me along. Still, I sang on. (OOoooh my jaw left hurtin’, OOoohhh dropped wide open…)

Anyway, we got dropped off and headed to get food and drinks at the Holy Grail Tavern. Both Jordan and I couldn’t stop looking at our attractive server. It got so that we were laughing out loud when she whizzed past us because we (the server and me) were always accidentally locking eyes. I said, “Oh my God she’s going to think – who is this perv staring at me?” And Jordan said, “Well, *I* get to see her as she walks away and she has a great butt.” This led us to the conclusion that we couldn’t stop looking at her because we, as a species, are so used to ugly being the norm (“Have you BEEN to the BMV, Elaine?”) that we can’t stop looking at people who are attractive. We drink them in like a scarce hidden spring in a dusty desert. The server asked, “One check or two?” as soon as we finished our food and apparently I spoke loudly and with a bit of shock: “Well I am HAVING another drink!”

We chugged away and then around 7 we headed out the door. I was in a bit of a conundrum because I had already walked a great deal and I didn’t know what side of the stadium we were on, and I didn’t want to walk in circles for nothing, as BabyCalf and BionicTendon were a lil sore. Just then, (of course, because this is how things happen to witchy little me), a jolly man called from one lone open-air shuttle across the street: “Need a ride?” And how! Not only did we get a ride, we got the VIP drop off at the secret back elevator! Up we went, got scanned in, and found our kickass seats—basically 6 rows up from the floor.

Once we knew where our seats were, we went up to the stuffed and crammed hallway overflowing with yellow and camo-clad Cliquers, and made our way to a hallway bar cart. The windows behind the bar cart looked out to the open air terrace. We figured we would go out and get some fresh air rather than wait in our seats, and asked the bartender, “Can we have someone let us back in if we go out there?” She said “No, but you can keep walking around the corner and come back in the main entrance.” No problem! But was it? We soon found it was, as we wandered back up to the main entrance with our brazenly open containers and were told, “No re-entry!” by a shocked looking person who may as well have added, “You dumbasses!”

“BUT! BUT! She said we could come back in this way!” I eloquently burst forth.

The ‘who are these stupid people’ gate attendant said with some ‘tude: “Who. Is. ‘She’?”

“The bartender!” I pouted.

“You can’t have open containers either!” he parried again, noticing our drinks.

“Well what do we DO!?” I demanded, my Scarlett O’Hara inconvenience bubbling up.

He sighed and pointed. “That guy in the blazer is the manager. Go talk to him.”

Another witchy win: the plaza was empty except for the one, lone, blazered manager, talking to a cop! What are the chances he was right there? I strolled up, my drink still blatant AF, and explained our predicament.

“No re-entry,” he said.

“Oh my God! We were clearly here! We had to get in to even be here with a drink in our hand. She told us we could go out on the terrace and walk around to get back in!”

“Who is ‘she’? And no open containers.” he chided.

Amazingly, our damsel in distress act got us back in and the manager bellowed “Let ‘em through!” to all the ticket attendants, and we sailed on through, triumphant. “Comin through!” I waved my hands. Back to our seats we went!

MIsterwives opened up, and I get it, auburn-maned singer Mandy Lee has a wild falsetto that yips and yodels and leaps around, putting me in mind of Kate Bush’s vocal style. Their wavy, colorful set and lighting was bright and cheery with rainbow tones and pops of pinks and yellows. The highlight was their cover of Lizzo’s “Truth Hurts”. Ballsy move! They bopped, boogied and bounced with great gusto all over the stage and when they finished with a rollicking “Our Own House” with its zesty horn riffs, the crowd was getting into it. (Jordan and I happened to be sitting in the “Family Section” and felt chastened by the uncertain-faced teens at their first show, not quite sure how to let loose, and their basic and somewhat resigned parents – neither of which group had a drink in their hands. Jordan made several trips up and back, soaking these poor people with vodka as she sloshed her way back to her seat.)

FINALLY – the main event! The arena seethed with anticipation when the curtain billowed back and forth, sooo close to unveiling the set and stage. Finally, in a burst of red lasers and flames, Josh and Tyler appeared on the scene and ripped right into Jumpsuit, performed as a car on fire burned behind them. JUMPSUIT! JUMPSUIT! COVER ME! He screamed at the close, as we all did.

Visually, the evening was a treat for the senses. Kaledoscopic shifting colors and shapes, lasers, catwalks, a B Stage…. Costume changes and bridges, Josh Dun and his abs on full display, Tyler with his various hats and costumes and instruments, a glittering swath of twinkling lights for the gentle “Neon Gravestones” shining like stars caught in a net: The production of this tour was top-notch and stunning, allowing for a visual orgy to accompany the talent of the hometown boys. I stumbled across a line that I think puts it perfectly:

“This wasn’t a band rocking out, despite how hard Dun plays the drums. This was a post-apocalyptic rapper-hero performing songs with his drummer-sidekick nearby, in the midst of lasers and explosions.” They really do have a kind of anime’, lone-wolf kind of renegade vibe going, especially with the way their albums tend to run with storylines: The Blurryface character, and now the bishops and mysterious DEMA of Trench.

Their setlist was packed full of the goodies…. Stressed Out (“what’s my name?” Tyler would chant rhythmically.) The frenetic insanity and staccato rapping of Heavy Dirty Soul. My favorite from Trench, The Hype, or as I say “The song with the best ukulele-backed bridge ever written.” God that song is tight! They shifted stages during the end of “Nico and the Niners” and returned back on the main stage by the time Holding On To You started….. ahhhh, where Josh does his perfectly timed backflip from the piano! Lean with it, rock with it. Swoon, y’all. Tyler’s laid-bare confessions are what resonate, causing the band’s wildfire-like leap to global fame.

Something that is becoming a bit of tradition with the duo is that every show, as far as I know, has always ended with Trees. It’s a euphoric communal outpouring to close the night, everyone jumping up and down singing “LA LA…. LA LA LA LA LA LA….. HELLOOOOOOO!” It’s a soft start, a gentle and sad build, and then a sweaty screamfest at the end. PERF!

As we made our way out the doors and across the plaza, we made up songs like “My momma needs to take an elevator because of her busted tendon” – Jordan, and “OOooh but I got ma fishnet stockings on, yeahh” -Me. Jordan also stepped on my foot and I howled in pain as she knelt before with remorse, boozily patting and stroking my foot.

Sooo we grabbed another Uber, and here’s where things shifts from a normal boozy concert night to one for the books. Our dude, Dean, pulled up with the license plate that began with LGR. Our relationship began with my opening sentence: “Your license plate says LIGER, like Napoleon Dynamite. It’s a lion—and a tiger!” And bam! Merrily we roll along!

I am not quite sure how this went from polite chatter to veering off the rails, but I will condense and recount what went down as best I can recall.

Jordan: She had her achilles’ tendon repaired!

Dean: Oh, I can fix that.

(Like, totally matter of fact. Oh, I can fix that.)

Jordan: Really? YES!

Dean: Sure. We’re all made of electricity. We’re just made of electric particles and neurons. I consult all over to doctors because I fix people.

Jordan: Why are you driving an Uber?

Me: .

Dean: Don’t worry, I’ll fix it.

Me: …How???

Dean: Electricity.

Jordan: How do you know how to do this?

Dean: I’m just kind of brilliant with this kind of stuff.

OK, so, I’m kind of brushing it off at this point, thinking I’ll ditch him when we arrive at the ol’ Blu. Dean says he’s going to find a place to park and he will be right in. Jord and I get out and stand outside for a minute as we watch him drive around the corner. “Let’s just go in,” I say. “Yeah,” she agrees, “I think he left.” My brain was so jumbled with confusion I wasn’t sure what was going on. Was he actually planning on coming up to the hotel room? “Let’s get inside,” I said, relieved that he probably was just messing with us and took off.

The automatic glass doors blew open to the lobby and we walked in. Right behind us, a dude with a bag of City BBQ carryout and a gray medical-looking case followed us in.

Jordan: What’s that?

City BBQ dude: This is my (blah, blah, blah.) It uses electricity to heal injuiries. (He says a name similar to something like the Electralux El Diablo 5000.)

Jordan: She tore her achilles!

City BBQ dude: Yes, this equipment will heal it.

ME: (whipping my head back toward him): OH MY GOD!!!! MY UBER DRIVER JUST SAID THAT TOO! WHAT ARE THE CHANCES!?

Like, seriously, I am thinking this guest of the hotel is maybe a doctor in for a conference, or whatever. It was only through muddled bits and pieces clicking together in my brain during the ride up in the elevator and ending when the bbq-toting man did not go to his “room” but walked in OURS that I fucking realized…

This guy WAS MY UBER DRIVER.

Not 2 separate people, both coincidentally on a mission and willing to fix bodily injuries with a machine with the equipment on their person.

I was so confused when faced with this reality it was like I was living in an alternate universe. As I am sputtering around saying, “Oh my God, I never really saw your face in the car, just the back of your head” Dean is busily and efficiently placing electrodes on my ankles, calves, shins, even my goddamn glutes. I find myself saying, “You know, my shoulder has hurt a bit lately too” and he briskly whips my arm around and jams his thumb right where it hurts, murmurs the word “Release…..” and then slaps an electrode on my shoulder. THEN he hooks Jordan up. “Is this a TENS unit?” I ask. “Pfft. This makes a TENS unit look like child’s play” he retorts proudly.

Jordan and I are now are standing next to each other looking like inmates of The Green Mile and sizzling with pulsating electricity. Dean eats his corn pudding, yanking the current up and down based on our grunts of discomfort. My phone is in my hand at all times with the first two numbers of 9 – 1 punched in and on high alert. But as he contentedly moves on to his green beans with his feet kicked up on the table in front of him, I have to admit he looks pretty harmless.

I think Dean the Electrode Machine was in our room until midnight, giving us confident tips on how to heal, saying he could bring his machine anywhere in the world, and I finally started giving signs of get-out-I’m-tired. In a gentlemanly way, he bid us adieu, as I babbled on about leaving him a big tip. I mean, he invited himself to cure me, but isn’t his time and trouble worth something? I tipped him 30 dollars and added him on Facebook.

Jordan and I try to get ready for bed but she then runs into a couple of questionable characters and starts talking to them. The three of them are standing outside (why did we go back outside? Perhaps to bid Dean adieu, I believe.) They start cooking up plans like long lost homies. I say “Get upstairs” and take her arm. (She can be hard to manage once she crosses that line.) We get in bed. It is nearing 1am. Jordan lays on top of me crying and blubbering “Promise me you won’t ever die.” I say kindly as I smooth her hair, “I will though.” We laugh about being electrocuted by our Uber driver. I say I can’t believe he just invited himself to our hotel room. She casually says with the air of a jaded and well-worn matriarch: “Please, Mom, everybody hangs out with their Uber drivers in their hotels now.” Then she gets up again and walks out the door. I am fading fast but I manage to say, “GET BACK IN HERE! Where are you going?” I close my eyes for a minute and I open them when I hear the door open again and Jordan puts her face right next to mine and whispers in a low, clear, concerned voice:

“Mom. There is a naked man sitting in the egg chair in the hallway masturbating.”

“Huh?” I whisper back.

She repeats it.

With STRANGE AND STOIC CALM considering my inebriated and disoriented state, I pick up the desk phone. The next thing I know, I am whispering as calmly and clearly as Jordan did: “Hello. This is Room 303. I want you to know there is a naked man masturbating in the egg chair up here in the hallway.”

DEAD ASS PAUSE on the other end. Finally: “Umm, ahh, ok, I… I .. uhhh… I’ll come check it out.”

Five minutes later the phone startles me out of my slip into slumber.

“Hello?” I answer.

“He’s gone.”

“Gone?”

“Yes. The man. No man.”

“Okay.”

It is 2:30 now and I don’t just fall asleep—I hurtle into it like a plane crashing into the ground, fading to black. I don’t wake up until I hear something. It sounds familiar. It’s a ringing sound. It’s that thing that makes you wake up. But where is it? “Jordan,” I hiss. “Huh?” she moans. She bolts upright and grabs her phone and stares at it. “This is new,” she whispers. “Make it stop!” I cry. The ringing continues. I realize it’s coming from my phone which is on the floor. I remember how to make it stop. It’s 6:45 am. I lay in exhausted torment until 7:15. Then 7:30. Then with every ounce of strength I can muster, I get my ass up and get to the excruciating business of getting my shit together and getting my shit together…( sayin’ wake up, ya need to make money!) At 8:10 Jordan and I are both in the car with a cup of coffee. You’re not hard core unless you live hard core, like Dewey Finn says.

I sail up 71 without incident. The coffee kicks in and I’m actually feeling pretty okay. At 9:49, I pull into the venue we are at for the day at work. Jordan’s car is safe and intact. I find a parking spot, wave to my friend, and tell Jordy to wake up.

She sits up, opens her eyes, retches, opens the door, and promptly vomits down the side of my car.

I squeal, then chant prayerfully: OMG PLEASE DO NOT PUKE IN FRONT OF MY CO-WORKERS!

I don’t even see her leave. She is gone, slinking away to her car, as I had practically pushed her out of a moving vehicle.

So. That’s my review of Twenty One Pilots and a little story thrown in to boot.

PS My foot doesn’t feel any better.

PSS Pics below of Tyler, Josh, me, Jordan,and Dean.

#twenty one pilots

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thebachelordiaries · 7 years

Text

The Bachelorette Season Sneak Peek: Jumping to Conclusions

What if I told you there are clues found within the “Extended Sneak Peek” trailer that can predict the goings-on for the rest of the season?

No, I’m not talking about this thing called “spoilers” that only cowards follow. I’m talking about making assumptions based on logic.

If you watch the trailer multiple times and pause every few seconds, you may pick up on some clues not visible to the naked eye.

I will say that this season’s trailer gave way less clues than JoJo’s, but that doesn’t mean still I can’t dug up some potential dirt.

Don’t believe me? A few weeks ago, I screenshotted a snapchat Chad Johnson took looking out a window of his Hollywood apartment and used Google Maps street view to find out which apartment complex he lives in.

I searched up and down the Hollywood Walk of Fame to find a corner that looked exactly like the corner in Chad’s snapchat. And guess what? I found it.

The proof can be found on my twitter, @thebachdiaries.

You call it creepy. I call it impressive.

I guess you can say I have a particular set of skills...

Now that you know what I’m capable of, let’s analyze the sh*t out of this season’s preview to see what type of clues we can find and what kind of conclusions we can jump towards:

It looks like Peter got a pretty cool 1-on-1 date in Denmark. You know the Bachelor or Bachelorette really likes someone based on who they give the best dates to. (ie: Nick with Vanessa, Ben with Lauren B.) It looks like the two of them go on at least two 1-on-1s, so Peter gets pretty far. I’d say he makes top three based on his appearances in this trailer. After I wrote this, I saw ABC post that he also gets the first 1-on-1. Damn, first limo entrance, first rose, first 1-on-1. Peter’s an obvious front runner. Almost too obvious...

I see eleven guys standing around the mansion, so this is probably around three when Lee becomes the villain. Lee is on a mission to ruin the other guys’ chances with Rachel, and here he is targeting Alex. Alex is aggressively telling Lee to keep his name out his mouth. I personally don’t think Alex makes it past top 6 or 7 and probably doesn’t get a 1-on-1. I think he gets extra time on a group date in Copenhagen. That’s it. Notice how DeMario, who everyone called a “front runner” isn’t there. More on that here...

This girl shows up in the second episode to announce that her boyfriend, who “just f***ed” her, is on the show as a contestant. I know it’s next episode because Rachel is wearing the headband she wore on the basketball group date. Also, the bleachers make it pretty obvious. Now, the girl was quite vulgar and obviously didn’t care how trashy she seemed. (Also she has a scrunchy on her arm. What the hell.) I would like to speculate that this is DeMario’s girlfriend. This logical choice is based on that DeMario got a lot of screen time on this date, according to previews. Plus, I can’t spot him in any scenes in the season trailer. My guess is DeMario goes home after this. Edit: Well, fuck. I just watched a new preview that just came out that shows it is in fact DeMario. I’m still leaving this here because my sleuthing is still correct, whatever.

Look what we have here. Somebody is injured and bleeding in the previews. Will we actually even see this while watching the show? There’s about a 50-50 chance. There is also a 100 percent chance to injury is not from a fight and might even be fake. Why does Kenny bleed pink blood? Hm.... The most interesting part of this picture, however, is the people in the background. They look like they’re wearing mustard yellow wetsuits that give them cone heads. I can’t figure out any reason for wearing that type of outfit. If you can, please inform me. I am stumped.

I saw a lot of Will in the previews. Enough for me to think he makes it pretty far. At least top 5. I liked this shot because they look super playful and like a real couple. Plus, I think her type is “quiet confidence” and Will doesn’t seem like the “out there” type like Alex, DeMario or the snitch Bryan. I’d say based on these previews, Will is getting to the top 5 or further. I can see Bryan the snitch getting that far too.

To my surprise, Dean got a lot of face time in the trailer. ABC likes to put us on false trails every season, but I don’t believe Dean is one. (Alex is this season’s false trail, IMO) I think Dean gets two 1-on-1s with Rachel, both in foreign cities, and they are seen kissing and laughing a lot. In one sneak-peak, Rachel is talking to Dean and he’s just giggling the entire time. Maybe Rachel is into that, maybe Dean eventually shows off another side of himself to her. I don’t know. Alexis said in an AOL interview that she visited the house and found Dean very attractive in person, more so than on television.

This image is here for the sole reason that Kenny called Lee a snake. Kenny is hilarious and will probably make it to the top 6 on his personality alone.

When you’re a boss ass woman and don’t take shit from nobody but you’re still likable as hell.

So...I tried to make diamonds out of coal, but you can only do so much when producers probably didn’t finish editing the entire season yet, which is why most of the final episodes weren’t in this season’s trailer.

Yeah, ABC, I noticed.

I hope you enjoyed this post. Its purpose was to jump to as many conclusions as possible using minuscule amounts of evidence. No Bachelor preview is safe.

#the bachelorette #rachel lindsay #Images via ABC #chris harrison

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