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luvneymar · 1 year

Note

princess treatment pt.3? with mbappé, richarlison, and erling haaland? :)

# PRINCESS TREATMENT 3! — footballers! (final!)

— SUMMARY: you show off the princess treatment you get from your footballers boyfriends! (part 1) (part 2)

CONTENT: fluff, footballers being simps, light jealousy, sensual themes, just cute stuff overall!

PARINGS: earling haaland x fem!reader, richarlison x fem!reader, oliver giroud x fem!reader

NOTE: someone asked for giroud content so I combined it with this lol! any examples of this do not represent of the body type, race or ethnicity of the reader! tysm for reading! 💕

RICHARLISON DE ANDRADE — dollar bills!

Recently you saw a trend on TikTok where girls would hold their hands out to their boyfriends, friends, brothers or literally anybody to see what they would do.

Richarlison was currently playing video games with his friends on FaceTime but fortunately you placed your camera in the room before he went in & you’ve been recording ever since.

You were holding your phone camera in your hand as discreetly as possible to not alert your boyfriend about the challenge your trying on him. “Baby? are you in here?” You peaked into his gaming room spotting him on his chair as he shouted at Neymar for something in among us.

Hearing your voice his head whipped around and he opened his arms signalling you to come over, you shuffled over giving him a hug as his head was pressed onto your stomach & hands were wrapped around your ass.

Once you both pulled away your challenge had begun as you stuck out your palm standing there with a bright smile, at first he hadn’t noticed anything as he turned back to the computer screen.

Until you were standing there for a good 30 seconds & he spun his head around to look at you quickly before looking back at the screen, he took his hand off the mouse taking your hand flipping it over to the backside of your hand & giving it a kiss.

He turned back to the screen until he realized you were still standing there; cheeky smile on your face palm still stuck out in-front of you, he chuckled as he dug through his pants pulling out his wallet.

“Richarlison? Are you still there?” Neymar called at alerting him that the new round had started.

“Yeah I’m here hold on.” He replied back as he fished through his wallet grabbing a huge stack of cashing & placing it in your hand along with his black card. “Happy?” He asked looking up at your face which was filled with surprise.

You hadn’t expected him to give you this much money let alone any at all as you assumed he’d just take your hand & place it on his private parts. You scoffed happily curling your fingers over the stack. “Definitely, but what will I even do with this much money?”

“Whatever you’d like baby, it’s all yours.” He answered turning his head back to the screen & unmuting himself on face-time. You gave him a quick kiss pulling his face towards you before walking away checking your phone to see if the footage was recorded.

You edited the video a little before posting it captioning it with: “HE’S SO SWEET 😭😭” Seconds later likes, comments & replies came flooding in about how Richarlison was the perfect boyfriend.

OLIVER GIROUD — first class!

“You’re so excited baby have you never flown out of the country?” Oliver chuckled watching you practically fly out of the valet car that was escorting you to the airport tarmac.

Ever since you complained about how you haven’t gone on a vacation in a while that very day Oliver booked your dream vacation paying for unnecessary expenses like tour guides & other things; as-long as it made you happy he thought.

“I have! I’ve never been to the Mal Dives though.” You answered pulling his arm to get him out of the car, you both didn’t need to worry about your luggage since Oliver paid for it to be flown before-hand.

“I’m coming babe hold on, you’re gonna rip my arm off.” Oliver laughed as he stepped out of the car turning his head to look at what you were staring at all starry eyed.

“Look, it’s a private jet. Just for the two of us.” You rambled on about the jet standing in-front of you both, you were used to Oliver spending a fortune on you whether it was cars, jewellery or even 1000 roses but a whole jet was much different.

“I know, do you like it?” He asked as he placed his hands in his pockets leaning back and forth between his heels and his toes. “Are you kidding? Who wouldn’t like this.” You laughed in disbelief.

“I’m glad you like it, c’mon baby let’s board the plane before they leave without us.” Oliver took your hand into his as he directed you towards the plane, you greeted the flight attendant who was waiting for you at the entrance as she guiding you both to your seats.

Once you both were settled in your chairs chatting happily about your upcoming adventures a flight attendant had came around with a cart filled with expensive looking drinks & desserts. “Champagne or Club Soda?” She asked with a smile.

“Champagne please, babe what about you?” You turned to look at your boyfriend who was staring at the window as he unconsciously caressed your knuckles with his thumb, you squeezed your hand bringing his attention back to you.

“Hmm? Oh, I’ll have whatever your having.” He leaned into kiss you on your cheek before turning to stare out the window again continuing to stroke your knuckles, you smiled turning back to the attendant,“2 Champagnes please.”

As the flight attended walked away Oliver noticed that you had a particularly slummed look on your face, you were just jumping around in joy so seeing you down worried him.“Are you okay?”

“Yep! Just thinking of what we’re gonna do when we get there.” You sent your signature “i’m fine” smile his way continuing you tap your feet against the empty seat right in-front of you as you looked back down to face your feet.

“You look worried though.” He let go of your hand using his freed hand to pull your face towards his forcing you to face him, seeing his eyes filled with concern made you sigh before continuing, “Yeah it’s just, how much was this trip?”

His face soften hearing what you we’re concerned about, you both had fight’s about money in the past & about how Oliver spent way to much money on pointless things,“Oh, don’t worry about that baby.”

“I have too, you can’t go broke because you wanna please me. I’ll be fine with whatever you provide.” You admitted in a quiet voice turning your head to face the window across from your aisle. “With my profession I’ll go broke the day you go bald.”

“What if I go Bald tomorrow?” You wanted to laugh at his joke but it was quite hard knowing you really could go bald tomorrow & Oliver could become broke, after all nobody knows what could happen.

“You wouldn’t, what I’m trying to say is. I spend this money to make you smile, whether it’s a large purchase or small it’s for you. In this case; a private jet just for my princess.”

Hearing your boyfriend be so adamant about you spending his money & not thinking of you as a sugar baby or a gold digger relieved you greatly. Yes, you both were dating but you weren’t a mind reader, for all you know he could be planning to kill you.

“Alright then, on that note; I could get used to this. Fast.” You pushed your insecure thoughts to the side as you settled into your seat properly reclining the seat, feeling in all the luxuries to the max. He chuckled at your childishness as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder pulling you in.

“Get used to it baby, you’re stuck with me, my jet & my money forever.”

ERLING HAALAND — giant teddybear!

“I told you not to eat so many sweets before went on the ride, no wonder you almost threw up.” Your boyfriend reminded you as he leaned over helping you walk throughout the winter carnival without collapsing.

Seeing that his good friend Jude had gone recently to the Winter Wonderland you decided it be good for the both of you to go as well, until it wasn’t. It was either Erling was too tall for some of the rides or you chickened out just looking at it.

But seeing as you were low-key being a party pooper for your boyfriend who you basically forced to come to the attraction you decided to go onto the wildest ride there was available; bad, bad idea.

Erling had bought you almost every single foot item you looked at for to long filling your stomach much faster than you’d like, by the 4th taco you ate you were ready to unbutton your pants & burst.

“It was fun wasn’t it though?” You groaned out patting the shoulder of your boyfriend signalling him to slow down as you felt as if you were going to barf, he slowed down waiting for you to gain your composure.

Seeing as you took a little longer than usual he bent down pulling your body on his back giving you a piggyback ride, you on the other hand smirked into his back tucking your legs around his waist. “All apart of my plan.” You muttered into his neck taking in his scent.

“Did you say something?” Erling asked as he begun to walk passing by multiple food-stalls that just the smell of the food made you sick, you wrapped your arms around his neck & placed your head in the crook of his collarbone.

“Nope! Nothing! Don’t worry about it baby.” You whispered into his ear closing your eyes in the process, as Erling walked past multiple stalls you closed your eyes feeling peaceful almost falling asleep till you jolted up after feeling as if you were falling.

As you opened your eyes you looked around seeing that the entrance was just a few miles away, something also caught your eye; a stand with gigantic teddy bears. “Baby?”

“Hmm?” he hummed, waiting for you to say what you needed.

“Can you win that for me before we leave?” You asked him patting his shoulder to get him to slow down so he didn’t walk right by the stand.“Win what?”

“The giant teddy bear.” You slid down his back and turned towards the stall pointing to the humongous teddy bears.

“You’re such a child, fine.” Erling walked towards the stand grabbing a few of the tennis balls on the desk as he backed away throwing them at the targets scoring on each one of them.

The man at the stall handed him a giant pink bear almost the size of you leaving Erling to walk back to you giant big bear in hand stupid grin on his face, you took the bear out of his hand giving it a big squeeze. “Thanks baby.”

“What should I name him?” You asked as you both continued to walked towards the exits hand in hand, hearing that Erling turned to you looking at you weirdly, “You name your teddy bears?”

“Of course! Since you won him for me I’ll name him, Erlie.” You smiled at him squeezing his hand, Erling chuckled at your ridiculous as he bent down to give you a kiss on your forehead.

“You’re too cute, but Erlie is a horrible nickname love. Makes him sound like an old man.”

#football imagines #football fanfic #football x reader #football #football fic #football masterlist #football drabble #football smut #football oneshot #football one shot #richarlison x reader #richarlison #erling haaland #haaland x reader #erling x reader #oliver giroud x reader #oliver giroud #erling haaland x reader

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whorekneecentral · 5 months

Text

Christmas On The Farm

Erling Haaland x Fem!Reader

Warnings: family christmases, stealing a tree, use of an axe, getting caught, soft boyfriend erling, a few cheesy moments, fingering, oral (f!receiving), overstimulation kinda, penetrative sex (p in v), nipple sucking, creampie, getting caught in a different way :)

Word Count: 2,357

Author's Note: omg it's the big mannnn, anytime I think of erling, I think of the farm so here we are lmao - also this is for pookie too sorry lmao all her bfs are in here

merry smutmas series

Erling takes you home to spend the holidays at the Haaland Family Farm and you two end up being the only ones there.

"Are we going the right way?" You look over at your boyfriend, the man driving through the snow.

Erling nods, "I promise I know where I'm going." He laughs, the wind shield wipers make a squeaking sound, brushing the snow away as he slowly makes his way up the road. He turns into the driveway, the snow really coming down as he parks the car.

"It's freezing!" You shouted, running up the front porch stairs to unlock the door. Erling rolls his eyes at your theatrics, getting the bags out of the car before following you into the house.

The door shuts behind him, Erling shaking the snow off of his hoodie.

The two of you had ventured up to the Haaland family farm for the holidays. His siblings and parents were supposed to meet you guys there but due to the snowstorm, their flights were canceled. They would be arriving on Christmas Eve rather than the 18th like the two of you so that left it up to you to get things ready for the holidays.

It takes the two of you an hour to defrost and get comfortable, Erling rearranging things to his liking and you were relaxing on the couch, finally glad to have your boyfriend to yourself and not have to fight for his attention during the season - though you had to give it to him, he balanced everything in his life perfectly.

"We should decorate," he announces, coming into the living room from the kitchen. You look at the man over your book, "okay, with what?"

Looking around, the house lacked Christmas spirit big time.

Before you could gather yourself, Erling's got you over his shoulder as he walks down the hallway. "I can walk, you know!" You say through the giggles, holding onto him.

He smiles, putting you down at the end of the hallway. "Where's the fun in that?"

You roll your eyes at his childish ways, letting him walk into the room first. The room was used for storage, all sorts of things packed away in boxes and containers. You flipped the switch, turning on the light as he looked around. Eventually you two found the boxes marked for Christmas - ornaments, garland, lights etc.

One by one you moved the boxes into the living room and you started on your tasks.

Erling braved the cold; something that never really bothered him - having his Norwegian blood and all - and strung the lights around the porch railing and roof.

You were working on the inside; wrapping the staircase in garland, changing the curtains to the red and green ones, hanging mistletoe, replacing the regular throw pillows for the holidays ones and things like that. Eventually Erling came back in, helping you with the rest of the tasks, a few miscellaneous things to do here and there around the house.

There was one box left, the big label on the top read ornaments.

"We need a tree," you looked over at him, your hands on your hips.

Erling smiles, "you look.. very wife like."

"Thank you, I guess," you laughed, "but we still need a tree. Do you guys have one somewhere? Did we forget it in the room?"

"You mean like.. a fake one?"

"Yeah, duh." You looked at your boyfriend, the look of confusion on his face. "We don't have one in the house but there's one outside."

"Okay where is it? In the barn or?" You trailed off, waiting for an answer.

"No, we can just cut one down." He says, tossing your hoodie to you. The sweater lands on your face and you move it, looking at the man like he was insane. "I'm sorry, we can.. what?"

"Cut the tree down. There's a few at the back of the property. It stopped snowing so we can make it and be back before it gets really dark."

You put your sweater on, looking for your coat. "Have you ever cut a tree down before?"

Erling shakes his head, putting his own coat on. "No, but it can't be that hard."

He was out the door before you could protest. You really had no choice now, did you? You followed the man to the barn, he pulled an axe out of some trunk and handed you a giant torch light. It was the blind leading the blind, the two of you trudging through the snow to find a Christmas tree.

Sometimes you really wondered what went through this man's head. Then you wondered if you were right in the head, following him through the snow in the dark to find a tree.

You find a few, settling on the biggest one you could get without it being too heavy to carry or too big for the house, and Erling started swinging the axe.

You took a step back; you trusted him but not when it came to chopping a tree down in the dark.

It reminded you of when you were a child, your father yelling at you to hold the light one way while he's doing something and you held it a different way.

So there you were, dragging a Christmas tree through the snow with your boyfriend. "Move faster," Erling says and you grumble.

"We don't all have superhuman strength, you know."

"Just hurry up, babe," he told you.

You grumble again, trying to move a little faster but between the thick snow, the heavy tree and holding the light, it was a little hard to do.

"What's the rush anyways ?"

"Well," he starts and you know that tone; something was wrong. "It's actually the neighbour's tree."

"WHAT?" you stopped, turning to face him. "WE STOLE A TREE?!"

He laughs, nodding for you to keep walking. "It's not that serious babe, just keep walking."

Sometimes you really wondered how you ended up with him as a boyfriend, but the fact that he made you an accomplice to Christmas tree theft is outweighed by how good of a boyfriend he is.

Despite all your huffing, you help him get the tree into the house in the snow off of it. It took about an hour of sorting for you two to settle on a theme for the tree; the classic red, green and gold. The ornaments hung off the branches, Erling strung the lights around the tree before finally plugging it in.

The two of you admired your work, his arms wrapped around you as he hugged you from behind, his chin resting on your head.

Your own hand rests on his, "I cannot believe you made me steal a Christmas tree."

Erling laughs, "is it really stealing though ? The tree is out in the open sooo.." He trails off, making you laugh. You turned to face him, your hands holding his jaw, "you're ridiculous."

He leans into you, kissing you softly. "'Tis the season for giving, baby."

"Yeah, sure."

"Speaking of gifts," he starts, his hands moving to rest on your lower back, pulling you flush against him. "I have one for you."

You brows furrowed, "it's the 18th, babe. You're a whole week early." Your head tilts to the side as you look at your boyfriend. The man smiles, shaking his head as he leans down to kiss you.

It clicks, you realize what his gift is.

"Oh," you giggled, the two of you shifting to the floor. "I like this kinda gift," you whisper, his lips moving to your neck.

"I knew you would," he mumbles into your skin, his cold hand slipping under your shirt. "Erling!" You shrieked, wiggling away from him.

The man smiles, "sorry."

He sits against the couch, watching as you undress in front of him. The leggings sliding down your smooth legs, pooling by your ankles before you step out of them, you pull off the sweater and that leaves you in the same blue set Erling loves so much.

You reach behind to unhook your bra but he stops you, “leave it on.”

He pulls you by your waist back to him, his hand slipping down to rest on your ass before giving it a smack. You’re quiet, looking down at your boyfriend on the floor.

“I like this,” he tells you, fingers rubbing over the blue lace.

You smile, “I know.”

He pulls you to lay on the floor, he’s sat between your legs with one on either side of him. You’ve propped yourself up on your elbows to look at him. Erling pulls the panties to the side, his eyes fixed on your pussy and he gives you no warning, pushing his fingers into you. The sound leaving your mouth was like heaven on earth to him.

His fingers curl upwards, your back arching at the feeling.

“Baby, please.” your hand reaches down to wrap on his wrist but he swats your hand away, managing to pull both to rest on your stomach and his free hand over your hands, pinning them to your stomach.

You try to wiggle your hands away from him, trying to grab on something. “Behave.” He tells you, adding another finger.

You subconsciously spread your legs, giving him more room. Erling's cheek presses to your inner thigh, watching as your face twists, pleasure all across it and your hands stop wiggling, he smiles, satisfied.

Erling can feel your eyes on him, he reaches for the blue lace you’re wrapped up in and tugs it down your legs, letting it fall to the floor with the rest of your clothes.

He shifts to lay on his stomach between your legs, leaving a trail of kisses as he works his way up to your cunt.

Your eyes meet his, he knows you’re looking. He wants you to look at him. Your hips buck when you feel his tongue against your clit, your hand gripping on his hair.

He knew you like the back of his hand, gripping your thighs to keep them in place as his tongue lapped your clit. Your hips buck, your way of saying you want more and Erling gives in - he always gives into you. Two fingers in you and he glances up to see your head tossed back onto the pillows, eyes fluttering shut and your free hand groping your tit.

Between his fingers and his tongue, your orgasm was teetering on the edge; he knew that much.

He pulls his hands away, the sticky fingers on your thighs. A whimper leaves your lips at the loss of fullness.

“What- why’d you stop?” You asked, pouting at your boyfriend in disapproval.

Erling sits up, patting his lap. “C’mere.”

You manage to pull yourself up, your legs feeling like jelly as you move yourself onto your boyfriend’s lap. Erling's hands resting on your lower back, fingers dancing up and down the curve of your spine. They run up once more before they stop on the clasp of your bra.

He unhooks it, letting the straps slide down your arms and land on your lap. He brings his hands around to your stomach, once again his fingers slide up your soft skin before resting on your tits.

“Erling,” you call, eyes fixed on him.

He hums, his focus on your tits rather than anything you had to say. Gripping his chin between your fingers, he finally looks at you.

“Please,” you mumble, the desperation all over your face. Erling smiles, there's a look you've seen a million times over on his face.

You’re up on your knees, hovering over his lap, your hands under you as you undo his pants. Erling helps you, pulling them down enough for you to sink down onto him. Your hand rests on his shoulder, giving you a moment to gather yourself before starting to bounce on his lap.

You look at your boyfriend, watching as he kisses down your chest, over your tits before his lips wrap around your nipple, tongue lapping over it. Your hand tangles in his hair, his name falling from your lips.

Your back arches a bit, pushing into Erling. His hand moves from your hip to your other tit, fingers pinching your nipple, twisting and rolling it softly between his thumb and index finger.

“God,” you breathe, a hand raking through Erling's blonde hair.

You rock your hips forward and Erling's head drops back into the couch, his eyes fluttered closed.

“Fuck, you’re perfect.” His hand pats your hip, “made just for me.” He tells you, your lips on his neck -- a trail of marks and sloppy kisses being left along his neck.

Erling can feel the way you were clenching around him and he knew you were close; you knew he was close, his eyes closed and head back.

His hand reaches between the two of you, his fingers finding your clit once again. “Oh my god,” your hips bucked, his fingers matching the pace of his hips, your body rocking back and forth to get the most out of your boyfriend.

“C’mon sweetheart, want you to cum for me.” He says, knowing it won't be long more.

He knew you like the back of his hand, every look, every touch, every movement, he knew you.

Between the two, he pushes you over the edge. The knot in your stomach comes loose and your boyfriend watches as you cum. The wetness wrapping around his cock, and with a few sloppy thrusts, Erling follows behind you.

The two of you are holding onto each other like the other is going to disappear, giggly and love drunk. Your boyfriend peppers kisses all over your face, your arms wrapped over his shoulders.

It wasn't until there was a knock on the door that you two froze, looking at each other. "Erling?!" The voice calls from outside.

His hand covers your mouth, your brows furrowed and eyes widen as you look at him. His lips are by your ear, "it's the neighbour."

You move his hand, whispering back to him. "The lights are on."

"Shhh, they'll go away if we're quiet."

You look at your boyfriend, lips pressed together in an attempt to muffle your laughter. He really did make you wonder sometimes.

taglist: @nosugarallspice @evieepepi08 @mimithepooh @koufaxx @dannyramirezwife-simpaccount @topguncultleader @molliemoo3 @aisharmi @mamako23 @ac3may @lewislcver @miahgonzalez16 @books-and-netflix-pls @wibi96 @bwddermilch @pedrisgatorade @clarasenchant @sainzluvrr // @trentsfav @trentsmyfave @noturbabe22

#erling haaland #erling haaland x reader #erling haaland smut #football #football smut #football x reader #merry smutmas xoxo

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kraeki · 5 months

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roomies turned rivals

#haaland starts smiling as soon as he sees dom #dom dragging his nose against haaland’s cheek…#erling haaland #dominik szoboszlai #mciliv

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taasgirl · 6 months

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planned / jude bellingham

summary: jude an y/n are aaaaall about soft launch, until a certain grealish ruins it

jobebellingham Proud of you brother. Birmingham will always love you #bvbbound

view comments...

judebellingham Lots of love little bro 🫶

user4562829 their love for each other >>>>>>

bvb Welcome home starboy ⭐

ynusername up for some german lessons @ judebellingham

judebellingham ja bitte!

ynusername you're getting there...

ynusername i don't wanna leave home :((((

view comments...

maddygrech please don't leave me here with the eshays

ynusername oh god. good luck

jobebellingham God when can I come over 🙄

user272937 always was always will be 🖤💛❤️

liked by ynusername

liked by judebellingham, jobebellingham, gioreyna and more

ynusername us.

view comments...

user3452893 strangely cryptic...

user1280282 100% confirming that she's a wag

user0927652 anyone else here from that one tweet?

user5793723 HOW IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT HOW IT SAYS 'US'?

erlinghaaland Hearts for everyone. Thank you to everyone who came out tonight, a biiiig 3 points on the board.

ynusername sigh.

erlinghaaland fine take him back 😳 liked by judebellingham

judebellingham Germany is black and yellow!! 🖤💛

username456297 yn and jude this, yn and jude that. LETS FUCKING TALK ABOUT ERLING AND JUDE

liked by ynusername

view ynusername's story

flowers for my pretty guy <3

ynusername is it really a date if i'm not ordering pasta?

judebelligham idk if you're scamming me but pasta should not be $40 a dish

user563920 WHAT THE FUCK????????? user019373 TEARS DOWN MY FACE RIGHT NOW

maddygrech my pretty girl

jackgrealish i wonder who was taking these photos 💁

user65283 he's so unserious omfg

judebellingham some photos with some of my favourite people 🩷

trentarnold66 nice to see that you've done me dirty

jobebellingham i hear you. look at my eyes smh

user672939 SOFT LAUNCH I REPEAT SOFT LAUNCH

jackgrealish i wonder how y/n is feeling now that you've finally posted her

jobebellingham JESUS JACK ITS A SOFT LAUNCH

judebellingham's post is unavailable

judebellingham i think i'm gonna love you a long time @ynusername

ynusername @ jackgrealish we wanted the soft launch to last longer gosh

jackgrealish DON'T BLAME ME I CAN'T KEEP SECRETS

jobebellingham idk what she sees in you

judebellingham 🍆

user458274 yeah they're my parents fr

ynusername i really wanted to drag out the soft launch but @ jackgrealish had different plans...😶

jackgrealish I DID YOU GUYS A FAVOUR STOP BASHING ME

judebellingham my beautiful girl 💗

user567822 NAWWWWW

user682629 ok they cute af

Let me know if ya'll like this ❤️ Jude and y/n got me cheesing

#jude bellingham #football social media au #football fic #jude bellingham fic #jude bellingham smau #smau #erling haaland #jobe bellingham #jack grealish #jude bellingham x reader

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crossingoceans · 16 days

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i see you i see you

#sweethearts should stay together #jude bellingham #erling haaland #haalingham #quality is horrendous 😭

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judembappe · 8 days

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now it’s NOT the time to gossip

#jude bellingham #erling haaland

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trentrub3n · 21 days

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GARDENER

#john stones #erling haaland #manchestercity #mancity

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mentalbaddiex · 8 days

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stop tryna kiss & focus on the game

#jude bellingham #la liga #bellingham #jude #jude victor willliam bellingham #real madrid #rmcf #rma #erling haaland #haaland

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sl0wdiver · 2 months

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The Footyblr Political Matrix

Welcome to the thing that has consumed my life for the last few months. I've decided to plot every footballer and manager this site loses their shit for on a political matrix.

Not a political spectrum - I really can't be arsed to guess their left/right leanings. Instead, we have a matrix, measuring:

Political Ideation (vertical axis) - How do they see the world? Do they have good ideas or bad ideas?

and

Political Intelligence (horizontal axis) - Do they have a clue what's going on? Could they make an argument for anything?

These judgments are based on their actions both on and off the pitch.

Disclaimer

This document is the result of years of careful, thorough analysis. It is 208% accurate. If you disagree with it, cope. I have a degree in Politics. The position of your favs on here does not affect you.

A lot of women's football players are left out of this as I don't want to pit them against men. The ones that are on there are there for a good time!

Best viewed on desktop!

______________________

Edits 05/03/24: amended Bounou's description to say "Emerging Arabian figurehead"

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nosugarallspice · 5 months

Note

could you write for Erling Haaland "I love the way you look when I'm inside you" + "cockwarming"

Hi babe, of course :))

Hope you like it<3

Minors DNI!!!

Word Count: 373

Author’s Note: This def took a turn but Erling seems like the kind of person, where cockwarming just isn’t enough for him, so I switched it up. Hope you still like it pookie.

You squirmed as Erling held you in place, his hand gripping your hip tightly as he pushed his cock deep inside of you.

You tried your best to focus on your show but it was hard, especially when he was shuffling behind you to get more comfortable, the tip of his cock brushed against your g-spot causing you to whimper.

“Erling.” You whined turning your head to look at him. He smiled, placing a kiss to your temple. “Sorry love, I was getting comfortable.”

“It’s okay but when you keep moving like that, it makes me want more.” You pout, pushing back against him to create some kind of friction.

He couldn’t help but chuckle at your neediness, he could never say no to you, so he gave in. Erling grabbed your leg, tossing it over his own, this pushed him in even deeper causing you to gasp.

“Right there.” You moaned. He began to move his hips, his cock pressing against that same spot over and over.

“Fuck,” he groaned.

“I love the way you look when I’m inside you.”

You were so caught up in the moment, unable to form a sentence you nodded your head. Your hand reaching down to rub your clit as he thrusted inside of you.

He could cum just from the sight of you; but of course Erling held off, wanting this moment to last as long as it could.

“Look at me” he whispered, his hand reaching for your chin to turn your head in his direction.

Your eyes met his, your lips parted as another sound let your lips.

“You’re so pretty.” He moaned, his cock twitching at the sight of you. He meant it though, you were his pretty girl, but you looked even prettier with his cock buried deep inside you.

“Erling, baby-“ you whined, your hand moving faster against your clit. Bringing you closer to the edge.

Erling knew you were close, just by the way your cunt clenched around his cock, squeezing him. “I know baby, let go for me.” His fingers caressed your chin, “keep your eyes on me.”

His own movements started to slow down as you came, with him following along, filling you to the brim.

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kraeki · 2 months

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Part 1

Part 2

#haaland is NOT being subtle #staking his claim #old bestie vs new bestie #that clench at the end..#poor trent #trent alexander arnold #dominik szoboszlai #erling haaland #livmci

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stonesynumber5 · 10 months

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look at haaland tryna blend in with the girls i see you fool

#do you think they swapped hair tips #erling haaland

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crossingoceans · 16 days

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making plans to meet in the locker room later

#im delusional #leave me alone #in the locker room alone as we speak #jude bellingham #erling haaland #haalingham #reunion!

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libraryofloveletters · 11 months

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Can’t Get Away From You

Erling Haaland x Fem!Reader

Warnings: a mini fight, some shouting, one mention of throwing something at someone, your boyfriend is attached to your hip and follows you like a puppy, power outages, jumpscares, some swearing, stuck in the middle of no where.

Word Count: 2.3k

Author’s Note: okay I lied, I know I said no fics but this was in my drafts and I had the urge to finish it :) also this was a random idea that @themandaloriansdiaries and I came up with on ft many many nights ago

"Why do you always do this?” You shouted at the man across the room from you.

Your boyfriend stares at you like you had gone insane and sometimes he thought you were, but tonight’s shouting was justified.

The two of you were supposed to go to your sister’s surprise birthday party but big shocker, Erling chose to stay back and kick a ball around for another 2 hours. Their training session was already done, he had no reason to stay back and yet he did. You were waiting for him so you could go together opposed to taking two cars because he kept telling you 10 more minutes and he’d be home, but you ended up being two hours late to your own sister’s party.

“I said I was sorry, didn’t I?” He looks at you and you can’t help but roll your eyes.

“Yes, because that makes up for the fact that I was late to my sister’s party. You’d never do that to your sister, would you? And you know I would never do that to her either. I actually care to show up when I say I will.”

“Y/n, you're overreacting. She didn’t even care that you were late.” He huffed, sitting on the couch.

You cannot believe him; he was late, had the audacity to tell you she didn’t even care and now he can't even stand up so you can shout at him? You were sick of his shit, you needed to leave before you threw something at his head.

The man watches as you grab your purse and phone, storming out of the front door and letting it slam shut behind you. He gets up, following you out the door.

“Where are you going?” He shouts from the porch, you don’t answer but instead get into your car and back out of the driveway.

You had no idea where you were going but you needed to be anywhere but there.

You drove for what felt like hours before you finally stopped in some random parking lot off the side of the road; you had driven out of the city and into the countryside. Hunger was kicking in and you tumbled through your purse for a mint, a piece of gum or literally anything edible. Eventually giving up on the tumbling, you dumped the contents of your purse into the passenger seat and switched on the light.

There’s a set of keys staring at you, a bright blue man city key chain hung on the bunch; the keys to the cabin.

Shortly after you and Erling began dating, the two of you decided you needed a place to go when you wanted to be away from the city. That’s how you ended up with a cabin 3 hours outside of Manchester.

The sky was varying shades of the black and the once viable moon was now blocked by clouds. You figured since you were closer to the cabin then you were home, you might as well spend the night there.

Another hour and you pulled into the muddy driveway, it seemed to have rained at some point during the day. You silently thank your boyfriend in your head for putting in sensor lights, otherwise you might have just slept in the car. The yard was pitch black and the Remingtons, the couple who owned the house across from your place, were away for the summer which meant you were all alone in the middle of nowhere.

The thought freaked you out, but not enough to make you turn back and go home.

You shoved everything back into your purse, slinging it over your shoulder as you avoided the puddles of mud on your way to the front door. The look clicked as you turned the key and you sprinted into the cabin, shutting the door behind you.

A hand dragged across the wall, feeling for the light switch and you pressed it, lighting up the place. You also turned on the light in the kitchen, bathroom and bedroom because you were alone.. not because you were scared or anything like that.

The cupboards were pretty empty, anything of substance was eaten the last time you two were there because you didn’t want it to go bad. The only things were a few boxes of mashed potatoes, a can of corn and one can of sliced pineapple.

You couldn't be bothered to cook so you pulled the pineapple can out and was about to crack it open when there was a knock on the front door.

It was safe to say your blood ran cold.

The Remingtons were gone, you were certain of that because they told you to check on the house when you come down if you did, which meant they weren’t there.

No one else lived around here, and you can’t just say no one is home because you switched on every light possible.

Setting the can down, you slowly made your way to the door. You waited to hear if there’s another knock, you peeked out the front window in hopes of catching a glimpse of whatever was outside.

“Babe!” The voice called, startling you. “Open up!”

You groaned, the voice belonging to none other than your boyfriend. You opened the door, unfortunately, and found your giant of a boyfriend standing there with a bag in hand.

“Are you gonna make me stand in the rain?” He asks, the hood over his head blocking the water from his face. “I figured you didn’t eat dinner, so I brought you something to eat.” He stepped into the house; he was so big, you couldn’t really stop him if you wanted too.

“When the rain stops, I want you out.” You turn to him and he smiles, nodding.

He handed the bag over to you, the smell of Chinese food filling your surroundings. You refused to cave, holding your ground and staying mad at him. He shut the door behind him, turning the locks.

“What the fuck man? How’d you know I was here?” You handed the bag over to him, acting like you didn’t want it. Erling shrugged, taking the bag back and going to the kitchen.

He unpacked the boxes, setting them on the counter. “You left your location on.”

You groaned quietly, cursing yourself for leaving it on. Erling ignores your theatrics and puts some food on a plate for you, bringing it over to you and setting it on your lap. He knew you well enough to know if he offered the plate to you, you’d refuse and you needed to eat; part of why you were so snappy with him was because you were hungry.

He can’t help but notice how you un-tense now that he’s around; it brought a smile to his face but he didn’t dare say anything.

Erling sat beside you, eating quietly.

“Can we play a board game?” He asked, setting the plate on the coffee table.

“No.”

Erling hummed, going to dig the monopoly box out from the tv stand drawer. He set up the board, all the little pieces, the cards and the dice and began playing by himself.

You ignored the man, trying not to laugh as he screwed him over on one of the places he wanted. He rolled the dice, counting out the places he needed to move when the lights shut off.

The sound of thunder startled out, causing you to jump slightly.

“Babe, you okay?” He called, getting up. “Ow fuc-” he groans, probably stepping on one of the little pieces.

“I’m fine,” you get up, walking to the kitchen to get your phone off the table. It wasn’t pitch black, you can still make your way around the house so you searched through the kitchen cupboards for some candles, anything that can give you light for the time being.

Erling had gone quiet, you were about to turn around to see where he was but a hand on your shoulder caused you to drop your phone and let out a scream.

“It’s just me,” he laughed and you smacked his arm.

“What the fuck man! God, you are so- ugh.”

You sit at the table, phone back in hand as you called the power company. They finally get to your call after an hour on hold and let you know that the power won’t be turning back on until tomorrow morning.

The phone dropped on the table, your head tipped back as you groaned.

Erling reaches for the candles on the top shelf and lights them, setting them on the table. He sits across from you quietly, the two of you listening to the rain until the sound stops, the last flash of lighting strikes and it goes quiet.

He looks out the window and back at you, the soft orange glow of the candle light reflecting off of your skin. “I should head out,” he says, pulling your focus to him.

“What?”

“The rain.. it stopped. You said leave when it’s done raining.” He reminds you, standing up.

“Oh.. right, yeah. Okay, go ahead.”

Erling kisses your head when he walks past you, telling you to call him if you needed anything but you ignored him, still holding out on being upset even though you weren’t anymore.

The door shuts, you move from your spot at the dining room table to the couch but before you could sit down, the doorbell rings again. “What?” You shouted, walking over to see what he wanted.

He smiles at you when you open the door, pointing to the tree that’s fallen and blocked the driveway. “I’m stuck.”

“Use that viking strength of yours and push it away.” You shut the door again and went back to the couch.

You felt a bit bad, the guilt of him sitting out in the rain sunk in, even more so seeing that you had nothing to distract you. You pulled yourself off the couch and opened the door again, assuming you’d see his car on and him in it but it was off, the driveway was dark and the tree was still there.

“Erling?!” You shouted in the emptiness, “where are you?!”

There’s no answer but what are you supposed to do? Stand out in the rain or maybe go looking for him in the dark?

You shut the door, turning back around to see him sitting at the kitchen table.

“WHAT THE FUCK ERLING?!” You screamed, your heart jumping out of your body momentarily. You let out a breath, hand pressed to your chest. “How the hell did you get in here?”

“The back door was open.”

“Why are you lurking at the back- wait, it was unlocked?” Your brows furrowed, looking towards the back door.

Erling nodded, “yeah, I wasn’t lurking though. I went to check if the generator would turn on.”

“And it did?” You wrapped the blanket from the couch around yourself.

Erling looked up at the light that’s yet to turn on. “I mean, obviously not.”

It was freezing in the cabin, considering that the power had shut off and it was raining, it only made it colder.

“C’mere,” Erling calls for you, his arms opened as he waits for you to come cuddle up next to him. You shook your head, waddling your way to the bedroom. Your boyfriend follows you, watching as you dropped on the bed and pulled the comforter up on top of you.

You can feel the cold running up your spine, the cold air creeping along your skin despite the two blankets and the giant man in the room lifting the blanket wasn’t helping.

“What are you doing?” You grumbled, not turning around.

Erling slipped into bed next to you, pulling you flat against his chest. His body was like a heater, the man wrapping his arms around you and kissing your shoulder before fixing the blanket.

You tried to wiggle away but he held you firmly in place. “You can stay mad but I'm not letting you freeze.”

You let your boyfriend hold you, simply because it's cold and not because you were mad at yourself for being mad at him for no reason. At some point, the two of you must've dozed off.

The lights were what woke you up; bright white lights shining down on you from the ceiling and the fact that the curtains were still open didn't help your eyes that were now adjusting to being open again.

There’s some heavy on you, you can’t even pull yourself up and you’re almost certain you know what it is. You look down to find your giant of a boyfriend on top of you. His arm tossed over your hip, face smooshed against your stomach as he snored quietly.

You smiled, forgetting all about last night as you pulled the hair tie from his hair. He stirred, settling moments later when you passed your hand through his hair. Your fingers rubbed along his scalp, massaging his head.

“Morning,” he mumbles, pressing a kiss to your stomach. He kicked the blanket off of him, “it's hot.”

“Power turned back on.”

He shifts, laying beside you and pulling you into his side. “I’m sorry about last night.”

“Mhm hm, I know.” Your fingers dragged along his shirt. Erling looked down at you, “are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Sorry,” he says, like it's obvious.

“No,” you joked, smiling at him. Erling knows you were, you don’t really do emotions or say sorry but he knows you are.

He laughs, kissing your forehead.“Shall we go get breakfast?”

You groan, burying your face in his side. “We have to take two cars.” “Oh and move the tree.” He reminds you, making you groan again.

---

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