my favourite thing about reading asoiaf is thinking to myself 'you dont have to do this. nobody's making you do this.' every two pages

Game of Thrones Season 7 Episode 5 Recap Pt. 2

WARNINGS: SPOILERS; not a D@€n€e¥$ fan; Jonsa shipper (and proud)

———— 3- In King’s Landing Jaime is trying to talk Cersei out of fighting, he watched some awful shit I can’t blame him, I mean they were against 1 dragon and it was a massacre, they don’t stand a chance with the 3 D has, he says all this stuff plus the fact that the Scorpion wasn’t able to harm the Dragon. But Cersei is having none of this, she knows if she gives up the throne it would mean dying and she would rather die fighting than handing over the throne (damn she is truly insane).

A truth bomb is dropped on Cersei when Jaime suggests Tyrion could intercede for them with D (LMAO dude D is unlikely to listen but whatevs) Cersei is like oh yeah he loves us so much he killed our son and our daddy, Jaime is like no he didn’t, Cersei is like dude you saw the crossbow what-? Jaime is like LOL no I meant he totally killed dad, but he didn’t kill Joffrey it was Olenna she told me so after she was sure to die in a painless way. Cersei is absolutely pissed off and she regreats ever listening ro Jaime in having compassion for an old lady.

4.- D and Drogon are back in DS, Jon is once again using the incest fur and looking too damn hot for someone who is scared shitless. Anyway in a moment of bravery or Targaryensness he takes of his glove and pets the beast.

D is looking impressed and kinda turned on (same) so she dismisses her son and is like aren’t they beautiful? Jon is like yeah not the word I would use for them *D glares at him* oh no I meant they are glorious beasts don’t kill me pls… And she is like idgaf if people think they monsters they still my babies (I have dogs and I kinda relate to idc if they animals I Love them but dude she uses them to kill people my babies just lick your face like no) and Jon tries not to look repulsed, instead he asks how things went and D says she has fewer (oh yes I learnt from Stannis too) enemies now and she guesses from Jon’s expression he doesn’t know how to feel about it (oh dear I think he knows how that makes him feel but he would never say it to your face,he is your prisioner that wants to get out of DS alive) and compares her butchering of the Lannister-Tarly army to Jon and Sansa retaking their home form the Boltons, well if you want to make that parallel then yes but you are the Bolton’s D you are trying to take control of a place that doesn’t be long to you just like the Bolton’s took WF, also let’s not forget Jon told the Bolton-Karstark-Umbers soldiers they didn’t had to die needlessly (a chance to yield) for a coward like Ramsey, so no.

And D is like super excited to know about the dagger to the heart thing (OMG we can be the super magical speshul couple) and Jon is like LOL Davos is a drama queen, D doesn’t seem to believe it but we are Lucky cuz Jon doesn’t have to explain himself now that Jorah is here to distract and kiss the ground D steps on, he falls on his knees (I know he is in Love but he is too over the top for me sorry) and D is genuinely happy to have him back (they have a very good chemistry) amd Jon is just there like Hey dude met your father and he was the best, but he is clearly uncomfortable like in every scene he shares with D.

We are almost at the end of the season and I still don’t see any interest from Jon’s side.

5.- Bran is in the Godswood, he wargs into a raven and goes beyond the wall, he sees the NK and the NK sees him, he goes back (or his mind?spirit? Does) and tells Maester Wolkan they need to send ravens.

Honestly I wished there was more about Bran than saying the WW are coming towards Eastwatch, we already knew that, that’s why Tormund decided to go there with the Wildling army.

6- Back on the Citadel, the ArchMaesters are having a reunion and Sam is eavesdropping, they don’t believe a word from Bran, amd Sam is like he is saying the truth ffs how do you think a crippled boy survived that long beyond the wall he must be something special, and he has seen them, but the acrhmaesters think it’s a ploy from D so everyone goes south and she can take the IT (dudes she is not so clever) Sam gets out very angry and frustrated while the assholes talk and mock about other prophesies that never happened, and one of the Maester is like isn’t he the boy whose family got bbq by the Dragon Queen, and Slughorn is like yes but I don’t have the heart to tell him yet he is a good boy.

Fuckkkkkk! He deserves to know!! Also Jorah deserves to know precious Kaliisi killed the family of the man that risked his life to save him.

7.- Back on DS Tyrion is drinking again, and has a heart to heart with Varys, let’s say the Master of Whispers is not so sure D is the best option after all, Tyrion is trying so hard to convince himself D did what any good ruler would do and that she is not any worse at the very least (dude I Love living in denial but you are not helping your cause at all) and Varys gives us am insight of what was like working for Aerys and Watch him burn people while dissasociating and saying it was not his doing (oh yes dude but you did nothing to stop him, you just stood there even Tyrion tried to intervene) Tyrion goes into defensive mode about she is not her father (and look I know she was the first ruler to recognize his abilities and give him an important place without mocking his disability like his family and the rest of Westeros did and that is hard to see someone you admire become the bad guy I understand Tyrion) he is right, she is not Aerys… Yet, but she is getting dangerously close to perpetuating all the Targ bullshit her ancestors loved (I insist she is more of an Aegon the Conqueror, not that that is a good thing either, but she isn’t mad, which is more terrifying that a non- paranoic person would do such awful stuff and still think she is in the moral high ground)

Anyway Varys is like seriously dude you GOT to make her listen, and Tyrion is dejected. Varys is holding a letter for Jon, if you didn’t believe he is a prisioner in that fucking island yet that is the proof, he gets his letters intercepted!!

We transition to the war room (Jon pls don’t touch that table, ew) he is dudes my little brother and little sister that I thought dead are Back home and WW are matching towards Eastwatch I’m outta here, D is like oh good your siblings are fine, but I won’t give you any military support cuz Cersei will keep sitting on MY chair if I do nevermind that everyone in the North will die in the meantime, and Tyrion is like but we can also get Cersei’s help if we bring her a WW (gosh this idiot plan) and Jorah is like yup I’m ready to boggie, and Jon is like *sigh* me too, Davos is in protective dad mode and goes like you aren’t going beyond the wall young man you are King!! But Jon is like dad all my friends are going and I am the only one who has fought WW so… D is giving serious heart eyes at Jon, and says she hasn’t given him permission to go (LMAO is this twilight or 50sog??? In what universe is romantic for someone to hold you captive and defensless??) and Jon gives her the metaphorical middle finger and takes away her unburnt title with his response of LOL nobody asked for your permission I am King! Still he remains fairly respectful and ask her to trust him just like he trusted her (LOL but she betrayed that trust holding you captive, taking your boat and your sword but whatevs they really need her help so I understand why Jon still is mindfull). ——- Part 3 is coming!

GOT  S7E6  REVIEW  (  AS  I  WATCHED  )  BELOW  : 

*  jorah  suggesting  jon  will  have  kids  ??  with  whomst  ,,,  *  i  had  forgotten  abt  gendry  having  leeches  stuck  on  him  ,  ew  .       *  arya  talkin  abt  her  dad  n  then  accusing  sansa  of  helping  the  lannisters  kill  ned  ???  did  she  not  remember  sansa’s  screams  when  her  father  was  being  murdered  ??  the  abuse  sansa  is  taking  is  gross  .  SHE  WAS  JUST  A  CHILD  .  SHE  WAS  SCARED  OMG  ARYA  CHILL  . even  cersei  didn’t  think  goffrey  would  kill  ned  ...  the  boy  was  sick  beyond  belief  .  *  “  you  wouldn’t  have  survived  what  i’ve  gone  through  ”  nooooo sansa *  “  gingers  are  beautiful  !!  ”  “  ah  ,  dick  !!  i  like  it.  ”  “  you’re  with  brienne  of  fucking  tarth  ??  ”  I’M  DYING  .  THIS  WHOLE  CONVERSATION .  *  this  guy  with  the  eyepatch  was  brought  back  6  times  .  i  forgot  abt  this  . *  jon’s  coat  looks  like  that  denim  patch  outfit  britney  spears  &  katy  perry  wore  to  the  AMA’S  .   *  it’s  enough  to  defend  the  people  that  can’t  defend  themselves  .  what  pures  .   *  “  i  suppose  he  stares  at  u ( dany )  longingly  because  he’s  hoping  for  a  war  alliance  !! ”  “ he’s  too  little  for  me !! ”  SORRY NOT  EVERYONE  IS  6′4″ LIKE  DROGO .  *  when  have  i  lost  my  temper  ??????  lol  girl  .   *  like  u  are  losing  your  temper  as  tyrion  speaks  to  u  about  succession  .  *  ok  shots  fired  abt  dorne  &  highgarden  .  *  THIS  BLIZZARD  FUCK  .  wht  is  that  .  a  polar  bear  ??  oh  no  are  those  spoliers  coming  true  .  it’s  a  wight  bear  .  who  just  died  ??? OMG  OMG OMG .  JON  MY  BABY  NO OMG WHO IS THAT  OMG  .  FUCK  BURN  THE  BEAR .  BURNNNNNNNN  OMG  OMG  OMG  OMG  OMG  WHY  AREN”T  THEY  USING  WEAPONS  MADE  OF  DRAGON  GLASS  .  IM  SO  SAD  RN  .   *  how  did  that  sword  stay  on  fire  .  who  is  the  other  guy  that  died  im  so  confused  i  can’t  see  shit  .   *  little  finger:  “  IDK  where  she  got  that  paper  !!  ”  u  liar  u  lil  bitch  i  hate  u .  it  disgusts  me  that  he  is  that  close  to  her  .  he  betrayed  the  shit  of  of  ned  .   *  wait  what  did  peytr  just  suggest  .   *  wights  terrify  me  idc  .  if  the  wildling  who  likes  brienne  and  dick  dies  ,  im  gonna  sue  .   * HHAHAHA THEY’RE  JUST  GONNA  RUN  IN  LIKE  THAT  .  OMG  JORHA  IS  DYING  .   *  BYE BYE HO YEAH FUCK U WIGHT WALKER KING  DUDE  .   how  is  one  alive  n  the  rest  are  all  dead  idgi  .  ew  lol  he  ripped  off  its  skin  .  it’s  calling  to  its  friends  i  am  freaking  out  they  aren’t  gonna  get  away  with  this  .   *  here  they  come  fuck  me  .  u  really  gonna  send  gendry  by  himself  without  a  hammer  ????  u  really  gonna  ask  dancy  for  help  first  ???  U  REALLY  GONNA  STAND  ON  ICE  WHILE  THEY  ALL  RUN  AT  YOU  I  AM  PEEING  MYSELF  .   *  IM   HAING  A  HEART  ATTACK  *  no no no put  him  out  of  his  misery  please   nooooooooooo  ok they  all  went  down  .  OM  FUCK  THEY’RE  CORNERED  .   *  poor  gendry  running  in  the  show  he’s  never  seen  before  .  running  by  himself  when  the  sun  is  setting  .  ok  he’s  at  the  wall  fuck  .  they’re  all  just  standing  there  until  the  water  freezes  ans  this  dead  dude  is  just  biting  at  his  head  sack  .  NO  GENDRY  GET  UP  BABE  OMG  NOOOOO .  ok  thank THE  gods  pls  save  him  .   *  aw  the  nice  guy  died  :((  at  least  he  died  from  the  cold  .  and  they  get  to  burn  him  so  he  doesn’t   turn  into  a  nastie  .  *  how  many  wight  walker  kings  are  up  there  lol  FIVE ??? HAHA FUCK . *  me  ,  nodding  my  head  and  sayin  “whats  up”  to  the  wights  staring  at  the  boys  .   *  brienne  is  smart  lol  .  leave  podrick  .  sansa  stop  u  do  need  to  be  watched  .  StOp . why  do  i  feel  like  sansa  just  sent  brienne  to  her  death  .   *  ugh  the  dragons  .  babies  .  dany  what  are  u  wearing  .  ugh  tyrion  worrying  about  dany  .  :((((  i  feel  sick  i  know  some  terrible  shit  is  about  to  go  down  :(((  *  oh  fuck  is  right  the  hound  u  stupid  asshole  they  didn’t  even  notice  that  the  ground  wasn’t  still  UNFROZEN  UNTIL  U  THREW  THE  DAMNED  ROCK  U  BITCH  .   *  *heavy  breathing* omg omg omg omg omg omg omg og omg omg omg GUYS  U  NEED  FIRE  WHAT  ARE  U  DOING  .  OMG  WHY  AR  YOUR  DRAGON  GLASS WEAPONS  SO  SMALL  .  NO N NO NO NO  THE  WILDLING  .  OMG  JOHN  .  NO  NO  NO  NOT  THE  WILDLING  NO  WATIT  IS  THAT  THE  HOUND  IDK IM  NOT  OKAY  NO NO  NO NO NO  IM  SUING  .  THE  WILDING   IS  BEING  EATEN  HE’S  BEING  DRAGGED  DOWN  THANK  U  THE  HOUND  U  DID  SOMETHING  RIGHT  FUCCKKKK .   WORK  TOGETHER  BOY S  !!!!!   *  NO  WHO  JUST  DIED  .  THIS  MUSIC  IS  SO  SAD  STOP  I  AM  SO  SAD   *  IM  SHAKING  .  jon  is  looking  around  like  this  is  it  :’’’’’(    *  FUCK  YEAH  IM  CRYING  OMG  I  AM  SOBBING  DRAGONS  BITCH  DRAGONS   *  DANY  BELIEVES  HIM  NOW  .   *  I  ALREADY  KNOW  a  dragon  dies  bc  i  saw  spoilers  I  dont  wanna  watch  this  .  FUCKKKK THEY’RE  GONNA  THROW  THAT  SPEAR  .  JON  U  GOTTA  G O  JON   .  JON  .  JONNY  BOY .  JON  .  NO  .  THE  DRAGON  NOOOOOOOOOOO *  IM  SOBBING  IM  CRYING  SO  MUCH  ...............  WHICH  ONE  WAS  THAT  STOP  THIS  .  NOT  ANOTHER  ONEE  .   JORAH  JORAH  OMG  HOLD  ON  DUDE  .  JON  JON  SAVE  JON  PLS  WHAT  ABOUT  JON  .  DANY  U  LEFT  JON  .   *  JON  OMG  THANK  FUCK  .  let  it  bw  known  that  i  love  jon  snow  .  no  stop  don’t  u  turn  around  u  mother  fuckers  .  U  DEAD  ASS  MOTHER  FUCKS  .   * he’s  so  cold  my  poor  baby  :(  IS  THAT  BENJEN  .  YEAHHHHHHH  BENJEN  .   *  ugh  benjen  is  gonna  die  :(  how  much  pain  u  gotta  put  jon  snow  through  !!!!  APPARENTLY  TONS  .   *  the  dragons  are  sad  : ((  what  is  dany  waiting  for  does  she  think  jon  is  gonna  come  around  ???  :)))))  WHY  AM  I  SUDDENLY  HAPPY  THAT  DANY  CARES  ABOUT  JON  THEY’RE  AUNT  N  NEPHEW  UGH   *  she  saw  the  scars  from  when  the  north  treated  him  like  julius  ceasar  .  NOW  SHE  KNOW  HE  REALLY  DID  GET  STABBED  IN  THE  HEART  .   *  sansa  found  arya’s  faces  .  is  she  threatening  HER  OWN  FUCKIN  SISTER  .  “ MY  FACES ”  U  PSYCHO  LEAVE  SANSA  ALONE  .  *  WHY  IN  JON’S  NAM E  IS  SHE BEING  SUCH  A  FREAK  . *  this  situation  sickens  and  pains  me  to  watch  .  SHE’S  PICKING  UP  A  KNIFE  TO  THREATEN  HER  SISTER  FUCK  THIS  .  FUCK  THAT  .  WHAT  IS  .....  .......  i’m  furious  .   *  surprise  ,  it’s  dany  at  your  bedside  .  HE  IS  SAYING  SORRY  FOR  HER  DRAGON   .  THEY’RE  HOLDING  HANDS  .  HE’S  SAYING  HE  WISHES  THEY’D  NEVER  GONE  .  why  are  u  telling  jon  that  the  only  children  ...  “we’ll  do  it  together”  DANY  HE  CALLED  HER  DANY  .  HE’S  GONNA  BEND  THE  FUCKIN  KNEE  .  YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  SHE  TAKES  HIS  HAND  BACK  FUCK  YEAH  .   *  SHE’S  CRYING  BECAUSE  SHE  TRUSTS  IN  JON  AND  HIS  PEOPLE  AND  KNOWS  HE  DIED  FOR  THEM  AND  HOW  GOOD  HE  IS  UGH  .   *  “  he’s  too  small  for  me  ”  my  ass  .   *  i  knew  this  part  was  coming  too  .  they’re  gonna  make  that  dragon  a  whight  .  WHAT  IF  the  dragon  becomes  a  wight  and  its  siblings  don’t  attack  it  ??  THIS  ISN’T  GOOD  .   *   i  need  the  next  episode  now  goodbye  .  i have  died  .  this  episode  was  so  fucking  good  .  best  show  .