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jadedbirch · 4 months

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The Three Musketeers (2023) - Part 1: d'Artagnan

Directed: Martin Bourboulon

Starring: Vincent Cassel, Eva Green, François Civil

First of all, you do not know the struggle we had to go through to even get our eyeballs on this movie! Only die hard Dumas idiots like me would have even bothered 🤦🏻‍♀️. Finally, we had to buy it from AppleTV. Anywho, below is my live blog of the latest French nonsense! I make a point of tutoring myself watching as many 3 Musketeers adaptations as possible, regardless of the psychological damage, and I kind of have high hopes for this one despite the fact that I can already tell they cast more for 20 Years After than for The 3 Musketeers. But I'm willing to pretend there are no good, young actors in France (because there's no other way to explain these casting choices) for the sake of my own sanity. The rest of my babbling and movie spoilers will be below the cut!

I see we start the movie in 1627, which already makes me laugh 🤣. The book famously starts in 1625 and then they time skip a year and a half into the future because I guess Dumas remembered that the war starts in 1627. Alex was the king of inexplicable time skips and I see the movie has chosen to stick to history rather than literary canon 👌🏻.

Everything is cold, dark, and wet. I have no idea what's going on, or who this blond woman is, or why d'Artagnan is coming back from the dead. But I'm always in favor of immortal abominations 😈.

It does entertain me that Eric Ruf, who played Aramis in an earlier French adaptation, plays Richelieu in this one. Nice touch.

LOL d'Artagnan gate crashing the musketeer headquarters all "I'm not Soviet, the French do not stand in line!" Anyways, he's authentically obnoxious, which I like, although clearly also 20 years too old.

I feel like this is an AU that takes place before they invented soap and also dyes, which is hilarious because if they're going for historical accuracy, this is just what the plebs think looks "authentic". Why are these men all so dirty and old? At least they make fun of Athos being a thousand years old in the movie, but why is Jussac also so ancient? And still serving in the guards? Life expectancy back then was like 25, but surely no one would be serving in the army past the age of 50, which was like Ancient for the 1600s, even among nobility.

I must laugh at the fact that Athos straight up introduces himself to d'Artagnan as Athos de Sillegue, le comte de La Fère. So, I see we are just going to go there 🤭🤭🤭. This changes his story arc completely though, stay tuned for my whinging. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Absolutely incredible, legendary , A++, 11000/10: bisexual Porthos waking up in bed with a lady and a dude after a night of debauchery! Chef's fucking kiss! I forgive the fact that there are no young people in France.

Aramis, so far is very Murder Kitten. I do wish he'd wash his face more and do something about his guyliner (I feel like he should have just committed to MORE MAKEUP frankly because the guyliner alone is odd), but c'est la vie, I guess.

Plus one point for Athos getting wrongly arrested, minus twenty points for making Athos a Protestant WTF? And in what world would a nobleman of Athos' lineage get sentenced to death for stabbing an unknown woman? This is all so silly! (I do have to give Milady points for just like fucking with him so fantastically. Plus one revenge point to Milady.)

Aramis torturing a guy to save Athos is honestly 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻 11/10 Murder Kitten, automatic plus one point.

This is all incredibly Dramatique, as much as it strains credulity. I love it when modern directors decide that they can write better "action" than Dumas himself. I'm just sitting here screaming "Why would you have that conversation where anyone can hear you!" Minus one point.

I must say Constance and d'Artagnan have a much more believable romance here than in the book. Plus 5 non-creeper points.

(Please I can't stop looking at how old all these Musketeers are 😅😅😅)

Okay so they've also given Athos a BROTHER. Who is part of a Protestant conspiracy. This is all so fucking crazy, I don't even know what to say. Am I watching the musketeers or La Reine Margot? 🤔

Incidentally, the King also gets a brother! Everyone gets a brother! J/K at least the King really did have a historical brother. Athos just gets fucked with in this movie a lot. Automatic minus one point for unnecessary siblings.

WHY must you all insist on having these super SECRET conversations in the middle of a public square where literally anyone can hear you? Minus one dumbass point.

And now d'Artagnan must go to England.... Alone? Because it's more heroic this way? Ambushed by ghost squirrels in the woods? Oh no, that's just Athos, lurking in the woods, as one does. "All misery comes from love." Thanks, Old Man Lush.

This revisionist tale of Milady's past is all very convenient but I FUCKING HATE IT every single time they try to do this in modern adaptations. Let Milady Be Evil 2023! But I see that you will not. Listen, it's not "feminist" to turn the villain into the victim. I'm so tired. 🤦🏻‍♀️ These misguided attempts at feminism really do not do her any favors, she has a lot more agency as simply the Really Bad Girl who just wanted money and power. Minus 5 points for not letting Milady have any fun and minus another 10 points for giving her an abusive ex-husband!

As for Athos, IMO it's always much more compelling to let him be the guy who tried to kill his beloved wife for betraying him, than to make him the spineless man who turns her over to the authorities for Handwavium. Yes, it's pretty fucked up. But it's much more humanizing and makes him a darker, more interesting character. And I will always maintain that.

(This movie is so fucking dark, all the scenes take place at night or in some cthonic tunnels or prisons ffs have mercy on my eyes!)

Oh dear, here we go again. Milady taking a Dramatique - and completely unnecessary - dive off a cliff. Only this time, we know she doesn't die because.... She can swim? And definitely will not have all her bones broken by that 1000 ft fall. Minus 20 points for lazy writing.

(My God, everyone is so dirty, you would think they never did their laundry in France 🤦🏻‍♀️)

Ironically, the only well lit scene takes place in what looks like the Notre Dame which is just very silly as that place is a sepulcher.

(Once again, we are advancing the plot by having super secret conversations conducted in the middle of the palace with an open door where anyone can see and hear you plotting 🤦🏻‍♀️ Minus one petty point.)

Okay, so poor Constance has been kidnapped, and our young hero (who is already a Lieutenant because he and his pals conveniently saved the King's life in a plot twist that was very necessary in other to return Athos to favor in this version) lies unconscious in the streets. They probably didn't even try to kill him this time because they know he's immortal. And speaking of people who just won't die, in a mid-credits scene, it is confirmed that Milady is indeed, very much Not Dead Yet. Surprise! The scene is now set for war in The Three Musketeers: Part 2: Milady.

In summary:

I tallied up my totally random points and ended up with a score of -51, which is Not Good, my friends.

Okay, so I've seen much worse? It's better than Atrocity in 3D, for example, which was just barely watchable as a film and as an adaptation. But they changed so much about the plot and some of the main characters, that it doesn't really feel true to the spirit of the book at this point, which is my main criteria for measuring whether an adaptation is successful. And the main reasons for that are because it's much darker and grittier and less fun than the novel. Which - Quelle domage!

I know that as an unrepentant Athos fangirl, I tend to be biased, so I was trying to be on guard (heheh get it?) for my own biases while watching this. But it's really difficult when Ya Boy is such an integral part of the novel as well as this particular adaptation. And so I must regrettably come back to what a shame it is that they've cast a 60 year old Athos (Vincent Cassel is 57 and he's a fabulous actor whom I've loved in many of his worlks), and I feel like they had to rewrite his character to be more age appropriate and less of the drunken asshole he is in Dumas' first d'Artagnan book. But that's the asshole I fell in love with, and will stan forever. Without him going around beating his servant, indulging his gambling addiction, and being a sarcastic pain in everyone's ass, it's just a completely different story.

Pros:

Hot Eva Green!

bisexual Porthos!

d'Artagnan is given a much less creepy love story with Constance (and I assume he will also not be nonconning Milady in this adaptation)

The King and Queen are much more humanized and sympathetic here.

Cons:

Visually really drab, everything is brown, everyone is dirty.

Very little humor unlike in the novel and some other adaptations.

EVERYONE IS WAY TOO OLD, which changes the feeling of the story significantly, and IMO for the worse, because these people are just not allowed to have fun, and subsequently, neither is the audience.

I will still absolutely be here for Part 2 because I am a masochist!

Grade: B- as a piece of art, but a C as an adaptation of the Dumas classic.

#the three musketeers #2023 the three musketeers #alexandre dumas #the three musketeers: d'artagnan

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montalais · 1 year

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I posted 1,347 times in 2022

That's 1,310 more posts than 2021!

106 posts created (8%)

1,241 posts reblogged (92%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@irisseireth

@automaticdreamlandkid

@breval

@pizza-hats-of-the-world-1882

@neednottoneed

I tagged 829 of my posts in 2022

Only 38% of my posts had no tags

#milady de winter - 127 posts

#athos - 109 posts

#the musketeers - 53 posts

#q - 47 posts

#nin writes - 38 posts

#aramis - 32 posts

#nin has a microphone (self) - 21 posts

#anne de breuil - 20 posts

#the three musketeers - 18 posts

#musketeer march 2022 - 17 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#this year due to covid we had a more tame sleep over and i was in one room with a friend while two others texted us over the other room like

My Top Posts in 2022:

Hey, so @silverssarcasm and I are doing *things* leading up to Musketeer March. This functions both as a standalone story and a prequel of sorts to what’s about to come starting on March 1st (and to the Athamis Files, but that’s still in need of a good rewrite).

What’s Things we haven’t said? Basically, a rewrite of the end of season two under the premise that Milady never left and sought to be Anne again, peppered with some historical facts, more drama and yes, trying to join the show’s timeline with book!canon and actual history in the background. You might like it if, like us, you think Athos and Milady deserved to allow themselves to talk to each other and seek as much reconciliation as they can handle. Please note that general triggers are listed in the tags, and more specific ones will be detailed in each chapter’s notes.

Summary: After Catherine nearly succeeded in killing his wife, Athos is grappling with the fact that Anne said the truth all those years ago. But Rochefort has thrown all of Paris into chaos, his friends are in mortal danger, and there are bigger things at stake than two broken souls fighting for a chance at redemption.

Rating: M

Status: unfinished, but updated regularly. Currently at Chapter 10.

Read on A03

20 notes - Posted February 24, 2022

See the full post

32 notes - Posted August 31, 2022

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46 notes - Posted July 29, 2022

Today is 5th of December, and on this day in 1870, Alexandre Dumas (père) died. Let us toast to the stories we still enjoy after all these years, the anecdotes and the characters we love.

114 notes - Posted December 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Next book we should email people chapter per chapter is The Three Musketeers, starting on March 14th as it did originally on Le Siècle.

697 notes - Posted May 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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papermoonloveslucy · 6 years

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LUCY AND FLIP GO LEGIT

S4;E1 ~ September 13, 1971

Directed by Coby Ruskin ~ Written by Bob Carroll and Madelyn Davis

Synopsis

Lucy takes a temp assignment with Flip Wilson in order to answer his fan mail. When she is caught sneaking into Wilson's office to ask him a favor, she gets caught and fired. The favor is to appear in a community theatre production of Gone With The Wind – as Prissy.

Regular Cast

Lucille Ball (Lucy Carter), Gale Gordon (Harrison Otis Carter), Lucie Arnaz (Kim Carter)

Guest Cast

Flip Wilson (Himself) was born in Jersey City, New Jersey as Clerow Wilson Jr. in 1933. He was a comedian and actor, best known for his television appearances during the late 1960s and 1970s. In the early 1970s, Wilson hosted his own weekly variety series, “The Flip Wilson Show.” The series earned Wilson a Golden Globe and two Emmy Awards, and at one point was the second highest rated show on network television. Wilson also won a Grammy Award in 1970 for his comedy album “The Devil Made Me Buy This Dress.” In January 1972, Time magazine featured Wilson's image on its cover and named him "TV's first black superstar." According to The New York Times, Wilson was "the first black entertainer to be the host of a successful weekly variety show on network television.” Wilson had met Lucille Ball a year earlier on a Los Angeles broadcast of “The Tonight Show” as well as an episode of “The Ed Sullivan Show.” Perhaps Wilson's greatest creation was the sassy Geraldine Jones, whose catch phrase was “The devil made me do it!” Wilson died in 1998.

Kim Hamilton (Jane, Flip Wilson's Secretary) did more than 60 television shows and films during the 1960s and ‘70s alone. She was in the film To Kill a Mockingbird in 1962. She made two appearances on “My Three Sons” in 1963 and 1964 – both featuring William Frawley (Fred Mertz). Hamilton has the distinction of being the first Black actress to appear on TV's “Days of Our Lives.” She also was seen on the soaps “The Guiding Light” and “General Hospital.” Hamilton died in 2013 at age 81.

The secretary's first name is never spoken aloud. Hamilton provides the DVD introduction to the episode.

Starting with this episode, Coby Ruskin, who had directed two previous episodes, becomes the regular director of “Here's Lucy” and will direct nearly all (65) future episodes.

20 years earlier, when "I Love Lucy" began, the word 'pregnant' could not be said on television, but is spoken freely in this 1971 episode parody of 1860's Civil War era -- an ironic comment on American censorship.

This is the first episode of season 4 and the first without Desi Arnaz Jr. as a regular cast member. Despite being the season premiere, Craig's absence is not explained. Later in the season we learn that that Craig is off at college.

Starting with season 4, “Here's Lucy” switches production studios from Paramount to Universal.

Starting with this episode, “Here's Lucy” aired one hour later (still on Monday nights) and was no longer in competition with “Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In.” The show's new lead-in was “My Three Sons” starring Fred MacMurray, entering its 12th season on CBS.

This episode also introduces a re-orchestrated and slightly faster theme song. With the departure of her brother from the cast, Lucie Arnaz now has a title screen to herself in the opening credits.

This episode was first aired on Mel Torme's 51st birthday. Torme played the role of Mel Tinker on several episodes of “The Lucy Show.”

Bob Carroll, Jr. and Madelyn Davis return to the series’ rotation of writers and the show is given a tremendous boost. Not only is logic reintroduced into the storylines, but the relationships between Lucy and her co-stars become more natural; Harry and Lucy begin to show each other more affection; and Kim is allowed to mature out of the typical teen stereotype. Unfortunately, the pair only contributes a little over one-third of the Season Four scripts.

Although it is never explicitly stated, Flip Wilson and his office are preparing for his weekly television variety show.

Between the The Three Musketeers and Gone With the Wind, Flip Wilson spends the entire episode in costumes. The Three Musketeers is a historical novel by Alexandre Dumas. Set in 1625–28, it recounts the adventures of a young man named d'Artagnan after he leaves home to travel to Paris, to join the Musketeers of the Guard. Although d'Artagnan is not able to join this elite corps immediately, he befriends the three most formidable musketeers of the age—Athos, Porthos and Aramis—and gets involved in affairs of the state and court. The novel was filmed and staged dozens of times, with the most famous being a 1943 film starring Gene Kelly. A 1935 version featured Lucille Ball in a small, uncredited role.

For the small screen version Flip is rehearsing Rock Hudson is Anthos, Andy Williams is Porthos, Flip says he is the ‘token’ musketeer. Actually, he would be Aramis. Hudson had appeared on a 1955 episode of “I Love Lucy.” To make Lucy prove she is not Andy Williams, she sings the first three notes of “Moon River,” a song that became Williams' theme tune.

On the telephone, Jane talks to someone named Mr. Rayfiel about taking some paperwork to mimeo. Howard Rayfiel was a Production Executive for “Here's Lucy” from 1970 to 1972.

When Lucy returns to Wilson's office in disguise as a Musketeer, Wilson thinks Lucy wants another autograph for trading purposes: two Flip Wilsons for one Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby was another African American comedian who had great success in the late 1960's and 1970's.

There is a record album standing up on the desk titled “The Devil Made Me Wear this Dress” by Geraldine Jones. This Flip Wilson comedy album was sold in 1970 and won a Grammy Award in the comedy category.

Gone with the Wind was a historical novel written by Margaret Mitchell in 1936 but set in the deep south during the Civil War. The book was translated into one of the most famous films of all time in 1939 starring Clark Gable as Rhett Butler and Vivian Leigh as Scarlett O'Hara.

Prissy was played by Butterfly McQueen and Melanie was played by Olivia de Havilland.

Like most of the top actors in Hollywood, Lucille Ball had an audition for the role of Scarlett O'Hara. Although Lucille Ball did not get cast, actors who did get roles in the film and later worked with Lucille Ball included: George Reeves (Superman, ILL), Olin Howland (Mr. Skinner, ILL), Irving Bacon (Mr. Potter, ILL), Shep Houghton (HL), Alberto Morin (ILL), and Hans Moebus (ILL & TLS).

Harry has joined Encino Players, a little theatre troupe that has cast him as Rhett Butler in a capsule stage version of Gone With The Wind. As the curtain goes up, the soundtrack plays the sweeping and iconic “Tara's Theme” from the film, which was written by Max Steiner.

Under her cape Prissy has on an Abraham Lincoln t-shirt. When Scarlet asks if that's a photograph of President Lincoln, Prissy replies “Well, it ain't Ray Charles!” Ray Charles was a singer-songwriter who had great success during the 1960s. While he was with ABC, Charles became one of the first black musicians to be granted artistic control by a mainstream record company.

In return for appearing on “Here's Lucy,” Lucille Ball appeared on “Flip” (aka “The Flip Wilson Show”) in an episode that aired just three days after this "Here’s Lucy.”

Lucille Ball's protege Carol Burnett, who appeared frequently on “The Lucy Show” and “Here's Lucy,” did a famous parody of Gone With The Wind in November 1976. In the sketch titled “It Went with the Wind,” Carol played Starlet, Harvey Korman played Ratt Butler, Vicky Lawrence played Sissy, and Tim Conway played Brashley. Not coincidentally, earlier in the month the film was shown for the first time on television.

The dress worn by Lucille Ball in the Gone with the Wind sketch was previously worn by her in episode “Lucy and Arthur Godfrey (TLS S3;E23). It also appeared briefly during previous year in "Lucy and Carol Burnett" (S3;E22).

In “Lucy Writes a Novel” (ILL S3;E24) Lucy Ricardo says “My novel may turn out to be another ‘Gone with the Wind’!“ She compares Ricky to Rhett Butler and herself to Scarlett O'Hara.

Lucille Ball not only got to play the role that went to Vivian Leigh, but she also played Clark Gable (wearing a mask) during “Lucy Meets Harpo Marx” (ILL S4;E28) to convince near-sighted Carolyn Appleby that she hobnobbed with celebrities.

Kim Carter had a poster of Clark Gable on her bedroom wall in “Lucy and the Andrews Sisters” (S2;E6).

“Lucy and Flip Go Legit” rates 4 Paper Hearts out of 5

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tiffanyunscripted · 5 years

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5 Billion Rentals: 5 Films with Dashing Swashbucklers for Rent from DVD Netflix

We all love a good dashing rogue film. Check out my picks from DVD Netflix. Feel free to share your favorites below!

The Mask of Zorro (1998)

Zorro— Don Diego de la Vega (Anthony Hopkins)— has been incarcerated for 20 years and receives news that his old enemy, Don Rafael Montero (Stuart Wilson), has come back. Don Diego escapes and heads back to his old home, where he recruits Alejandro Murrieta (Antonio Banderas) as his successor. Meanwhile, Montero— who secretly raised the daughter of Diego, Elena (Catherine Zeta-Jones), as his own— has a plot to rob California of its gold.

The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)

An innocent man's is falsely, but intentionally incarcerated, and his clever revenge scheme against those who betrayed him is put into action. Dashing young sailor Edmond Dantes (Jim Caviezel) is a guileless and trustworthy young man whose happy life and ambitions to marry the stunning Mercedes (Dagmara Dominczyk) are suddenly interrupted when he is tricked by his best friend Fernand (Guy Pearce), who wants Mercedes on his own.

The Three Musketeers (1973)

An adaptation of the classic Dumas novel, this film tells the story of young swordsman D'Artagnan (Michael York), who comes to Paris hoping to join the royal guard. He joins them in battling the forces of crooked Cardinal Richelieu, led by Rochefort (Christopher Lee), after clashing with three musketeers, Athos (Oliver Reed), Porthos (Frank Finlay) and Aramis (Richard Chamberlain). When Richelieu tries to undermine the queen, he must thwart his plans by D'Artagnan and the musketeers.

Cutthroat Island (1995)

Feisty Morgan Adams (Geena Davis) inherits the galleon of her late buccaneer father and one-third of a buried treasure map on the island of Cutthroat. The map was tattooed on the scalp of her uncle, and she must locate and scalp his two brothers to find the treasure. But the swashbuckling uncle of Morgan, Dawg Brown (Frank Langella), wants the riches for himself, and is struggling against his headstrong niece and her stubborn accomplice, William Shaw (Matthew Modine), a Latin-speaking physician.

Rob Roy (1995)

Robert Roy MacGregor (Liam Neeson) is the chief of a proud Highlands family herding cattle in Scotland in the 18th century. Rob takes a thousand-pound loan from the Marquis of Montrose (John Hurt) to feed his people over the coming winter— before his friend MacDonald (Eric Stoltz) can come back with the money, he's killed by swordsman Archibald Cunningham (Tim Roth). Cunningham rapes Roy's wife (Jessica Lange) and Roy is forced to run and finally confronts Cunningham.

You can watch these films over a huge bowl of popcorn. Rent them from DVD Netflix via dvd.netflix.com. Add them to your queue today. If you don’t have an account, you can sign-up for a free month. If you decide to keep the membership, pay as little as $7.99 per month to enjoy DVD Netflix’s massive database of blockbusters, documentaries, independent films, and more.

Disclaimer: As a DVD Nation Director, for introducing the DVD Netflix service to you, as well as writing about some awesome movies to rent that can be challenging to find anywhere else, I’m rewarded and always happy to share awesome movies with you. #dvd20 #dvdnation #ad

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ssantisheep · 7 years

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Dumas’ Musketeers series : My feels

I’ve finished all the books of the Three Musketeers series and here are some of my thoughts on the characters. But first, just so you know it’s divided in three :

Les trois mousquetaires (the three musketeers) : 4 volumes

20 ans après (20 years after) : 3 volumes

Le vicomte de Bragelonne (The Vicomte of Bragelonne: Ten Years Later) : 6 volumes

So it is very long and there is a lot of characters development. A LOT. There is also a lot of side characters that you will probably fell in love with but get ready those ones are the first to die.

/!\ SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS /!\

So first of all I’ll start by the Hero (even if everyone got their fair share)

D’Arthagnan: Slytherin as fuck. I see your raised eyebrows and honestly fight me on my headcanon for their HP house. Because I won’t change my mind. D’arth is slytherin or he is nothing. More than bravery what defines him is a quick-witted mind and the ability to come up with a lot of fucking cunning plan. Also, he is ambitious as fuck. He gets rewarded by the end but you will cry. (I did) Basically he get the fucking distinction he was waiting for all is life and die. (: you see me smiling I’m crying inside.

Very important D’arthagnan IS gay for Athos. Like Super Gaytm . They don’t even try to hide. They raise a son together; every time d’Arthagnan is in admiration in front of Athos, and Athos trust him with all his heart and in Twenty years after they are in opposite camp and it breaks their hearts but then D’arthagnan write a letter and explain that he still will help him and Athos is almost crying in joy of d’arthagnan still loving him. Thinking of the show the Musketeers : we thought it was gay but it wasn’t nearly as much gay as he could have been. *side eyed the show*

Also the show took the “slytherin : House of stupid dare” and make their d’arthagnan that way. (again, meet me in the pit if you disagree)

Porthos: Will break your heart too many times to count because Too good, Too pure for this world. For his friends especially. Porthos is being manipulated by EVERYONE!! And that was will lead to his doom I’m not even lying. Basically he is described as slow and doesn’t seem to be able to keep up with his friends scheme but will follow them to his death. He does put them to shame thought because his heart is so pure? And he always forgives them and loves them?? And so there are some times when d’art and aramis are like “fuck porthos is a way better man than us” like yeah buddy, he is. Porthos is a Hufflepuff don’t even think otherwise. Loyal as fuck and will fuck you up if you mess with his friends. Have the strength of ten man. He is Hercules reborn. IDEK. I love him.

Athos : Perfect Mantm there is pages that are just description of how beautiful and noble he is??? I believe Dumas had a crush on a real man and that was his inspiration? Or maybe Ideal Man? I don’t know. Gryffindor in my mind. Everyone love him and has a crush on him and want him to like them it’s embarrassing. Once told the King to kiss his ass (not with those words but he basically broke his own sword and throw it at king’s feet. So same thing really.) Have raised a son (with d’arthagnan) his son is perfect too. But a bit more emo. (d’arthy side? IDK) He only did one mistake: Milady. Always try to see the good side of everyone. I think it must be tiring being with him. Too perfect honestly.

Aramis: Slytherin too!!! OMG!! ARAMIS! So much feels about him. At first he was the lover and he was the cunning side kick of Athos and then at the end he become this meme :

“You Either Die A Hero, Or You Live Long Enough To See Yourself Become The Villain”

Like in the last Books of Vicomte de Bragelonne Aramis is the bad guy (for like 5 chapters but still enough to be fucked up) and YET!! He is the only one who survived. Porthos died because of him?? And he was ready to kill himself because of this???? WTF?? It is said that he is not really living though. Porthos was too important he lost him so he lost a part of his soul. Very gay for Porthos if you hadn’t understood yet.

He and d’arthagnan has the strangest relationship ever? (but also the most interesting one) Like there is multiple times where they have conversation trying to guess the other plans and lying and trying to manipulate the other?? I think they’re friend because their friends are friends? If you know what I mean? They still like each other but clearly they’re both too smart and they both get wary of the other. That’s literally the reason they can guess when the other is planning something because they ‘re ALWAYS SUSPECTING THE OTHER TO PLAN SOMETHING. (and if you supposed someone is always doing something at one point you will be right). I still love him but bitter ‘til the end about porthos’ death. It’s on you Aramis. On you, you fucker.

Raoul de bragelonne: Son of Athos and d’arthagnan. Clever, pure hearted, always calm, nice manners. Get his heart broken and decided to die. Also, had a friend whom he was really close but somehow it never reaches the epic-ness of d’arthagnan and Athos. And the funnier things: Athos tell him that indeed De Guiche is nice but not like d’arthagnan. #Athosdisappointedthathissonisstraight (no this conversation really happened I’m not making this up. It’s awesome).

Still pretty cool and pretty chill most of the time except in the last 3 books which is explained because his fiancé cheated on him with the King. So you know. Big deal. Also everyone is an ass with him about that because NO ONE WANTS TO TELL HIM?? Like he goes to his friend De guiche who told him to come home, but he doesn’t want to tell him about his fiancée, then D’arthagnan is like” a problem with louise?? HAHAHAHA NO WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?? WHAT DO YOU MEAN I SERVE THE KING I SHOULD KNOW?? GOT A CAT ON FIRE GOT TO GO!!!” and it’s only Madame who tell him because she’s a bad bitch. :/ he is a gryffindor too.

Now it’s the time for the characters who SHOULD have been in every adaptation but weren’t and it’s a damn tragedy because they’re perfect : I call you attention to the servants.

So who are these men? These men all serve one of the musketeers and they’ll follow them to the end of the earth and honestly they’re pretty much perfect. (except one I guess)

Bazin; the only not perfect one. Bazin is with aramis. Only accepted because Aramis want at one point to retire and become a church man (he did btw). Doesn’t look favourably at d’arthagnan looking for his old master in 20 years after. Completely forgotten in Le vicomte. Have no idea what he became. no idea what HP house.

Mousqueton: Porthos’. Loyal but not very good at stuff except eating. Which : a man after my own heart, but still. Love porthos and porthos loved him greatly. Porthos willed him all his clothes and Mousqueton died immediately after because he couldn’t stand porthos death. It’s pretty tragic, guy I shit you not. hufflepuff

Planchet: D’arthagnan servant. At first is kind of unlucky but by believing d’art he become a millionaire. Love d’arth and would die to protect him. He is also hot-headed and is actually running from the government in 20years after because he is leading the revolution? Or some part. Also end up a candy maker so best development ever. Also marry a cute Holland girl Trüchen. So he got his happy ending! gryffindor

Grimaud: I LOVE HIM TO DEATH!!!! Grimaud is a BAMF. Will fuck you Up. Save everyone asses more time than I can count. Is a drama queen. Belong to Athos and since Athos barely speak he barely speak too. Honestly the amount of words he said can probably all fit in one Word page? But since he doesn’t speak he express himself via his face and sound and it’s fucking hilarious. Serve Athos before Athos ask anything. He is the Best. I want twenty book just on him. Seriously where is my spin off show? This guy survived everything. At the end he was old (fifty years I think? Even more) and still follow Raoul to Algeria and was the one to bring his body back to be buried? Bow to him because he is the Best man you’ll ever met. (if you’re wondering there is apparently a lot of Athos/grimaud fanfiction when you search for the books’ fics and boy… Do I understand this. Because trust me I was sad but then Grimaud cried at the foot of Athos bed when he died and d’arth found him and I start crying too, couldn’t stop. My heart ache for this man who lost everyone he cared about so fast.) gryffindor

OTHER CHARACTERS (but not all):

Rochefort : was supposedly a foe in the three musketeers, end up one of their good friend in 20 years after. So sore about the show because, damn it, Rochefort could have been much more awesome than the side Friendzoned guytm they gave us. gryffindor.

Constance: last two or three books? Start the bad habits of d’arth that consist of sleeping with his landladies. Not lying he does with the second one too. After that he live in the Castle so it’s complicated but you got the idea. Is cute but kind of unimportant in the grand scheme of things? Like D’arthagnan forgot about her quickly? Bonus point for the show for making her a major character but then less point with how they handle her husband. HP house: Hufflepuff.

Mr Bonacieux : an old white man. Should say everything. Redeem himself a bit in 20 years after but that’s all. HP house: none.

Milady : Die in the three musketeers but got a son that as cruel as her so it’s okay. Also never get close to the King or anything. D’arthagnan fucked her knowing who she was if I remember correctly. Because he needed information. Right. She is portrayed as a mean Bitch but I’m not sure she was. Maybe if the world wasn’t a man’s world she would have been happier. slytherin.

Mordaunt : Son of Milday. Is well decided to kill everyone involved in his mom’s murder. He is the one that Kill King Charles the 1st of England. ( Because yeah, the musketeers get involved in the english revolution and Republique. After all, why not? They are also the reason for the restauration! Bow down to us, English people without us who wouldn’t have your Queen. (kidding but honestly, it’s like the four of them are responsible for everything.) ) Anyway end up dying, killed accidently by Athos because Athos was too noble and tried to save him when he drowned and he decided that he should try to kill Athos anyway. Did not worked well for Mordaunt. slytherin/ravenclaw? not sure.

Felton: A secondary character that I fell in love immediately. Remind me of Brad from GK actually?? Is seduced and used by Milady and then he is killed because he betrayed his commander. #Feltondeservedbetter #justiceforFelton gryffindor.

The Queen : get saved by d’arthagnan but decided to promptly forgot about him. I’m neutral about her, she is not a bitch, she is kind sometimes, but she is a queen, have a lot of power and don’t necessarily use it well.

Louis XIII : … I can’t even remember a thing about him in the book outside of him being so easily manipulated by Richelieu?

Richelieu : the enemy not really enemy of our heroes. Like he is the reason they must save their queen but at the same time give them reward if I remember? So really… Nice, intelligent guy. Ambitious too : Slytherin.

Mazarin: a greedy Italian Richelieu that get to Bone the Queen. Yep. Love money more than anything. Want to have the four of the musketeers on his side. Only get D’Arthagnan and Porthos and again only half of them because they will always choose Athos and Aramis first. LOL! (more ravenclaw than slytherin maybe?)

Fouquet : Good man. I really liked him. Honorable. Intelligent. Good with Ladies apparently. Love his King more than anything, get fucked because of Aramis and Colbert. (Aramis didn’t mean it, Colbert totally mean it). Ravenclaw. His circle of friend include: Le Brun, Le Notre, Molière, La fontaine etc…

Colbert: appear as the villain. The moment Fouquet is out of the picture become a saint. D’arth is confused as I am. Ravenclaw too. Still wary of him because Fouquet was a nice guy. Not very good socially but still manage to get ladies.

Louis XIV : at the end is an Ass. Okay not really but you know he could have forgive fouquet since the guy save his ass but no. But again he is king and there this one night and day he spent in the Bastille because of Aramis so yeah, he become more ruthless. Grow up a lot through the books thought. Like his character development his high level. It’s interesting to see it. Probably Gryffindor because is ruled by passion for most of the story.

Philippe: Twin Brother of Louis XIV. Is king for a few hours but then he is sent back in prison with the famous iron mask on his face. Struck Fouquet and d’arthagnan (and Aramis) by his noble heart and the fact that he would have been a better King than Louis probably. Sad end to him but what can you do?Probably Gryffindor too. not nearly as ambitious as one could think.

Madame: Henriette sister of the King of England become the sister in law of Louis XIV. Queen B. Want to be loved by everyone and doesn’t like when other girls get attention. Still end up in love with De guiche. Slytherin.

De guiche: Bestie of Raoul. Met Henriette five second and fall madly in love with her. Like he doesn’t know her, she had no idea who he is but it’s game over. Get a lot of trouble but finally end up loved by her. Is acting as protector of La Vallière during Raoul stay in England. Good friend but not as good as D’arthagnan. Hufflepuff.

Louise de La vallière : I’d like to say that the only famous lover of Louis XIV I know was Madame de Montespan. So I had no idea who louise was and innocently I asked my mum “hey does Louise still end up with Raoul? “and my mum was like “Don’t you know your history? She is the first lover of Louis XIV. They have kids together I think” so I was crushed. And spoiled for the story but mostly crushed because I knew she was going to crush raoul’s heart. And I was right.But I still like her and she face so many abuse and she is so pure of heart? She get a lot of hates by d’arth at the end but remind him that in the position she is she will likely suffer. Is right about that. It end when is going to be replace by Montespan who was a friend of her. My poor lovely girl. Hufflepuff/Gryffindor. (she is very brave and face a lot of abuse but never loose hope and will die for the King and for Raoul... so I don’t know.)

There is a lot of other but I am neutral or just don’t really know what to say except “Become a Bitch” *think of the Montalais/Malicorne thing that never actually happened?? It’s implied but nothing is shown ?*

Anyway the reading was interesting because I kept having like Luke pasqualino in head and then will stumble into an illustration of a very white, with long curly hair and a moustache d’arthagnan and yeah… It’s weird. Make me sad about the show but realize that It’s impossible to adapt those books correctly. Too many characters, plots to fit into a movie and at the same time : not long enough plot to make a serie ?

But anyway A classic so nice to have add it. One question stay: why “Un pour tous et tous pour un” is such a famous line when it like mentioned once in the three musketeers and once in le vicomte de bragelonne. What happened?

Also sorry for the long post but to finish : if you have time read the book. You will probably cry but it’s very gay and fun and so many characters to love. And to hate :3

Also where is the HP AU guys ?

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