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tangentiallly · 3 years

Text

one of us got clumsy, both of us got wise

“You can’t accuse me of betraying you if you never actually trusted me,” Shinichi remembers Bourbon saying.

He wasn’t wrong about that, but why does Shinichi still feel betrayed?

companion fic / sequel to your cover's blown, i want to see you alone

~4.8k, gen fic, featuring Hattori Heiji, Kudo Shinichi, Haibara Ai, Furuya Rei. basically, Shinichi’s side of the story after Furuya turned Akai to Gin. lots of Heiji & Shinichi friendship.

****

Kudo has been weird lately, losing the enthusiasm he used to have all the time. He doesn’t want to talk too long on the phone, is always quick to make some excuse to hang up, and seems to lose interest in hearing about any mysteries or cases. The lil nee-chan living at Hakase’s house also says that he’s been off for a while now.

Hattori is worried, to say the least.

He jumps on a train to Tokyo to visit Kudo, wanting to know what’s going on. Kudo tries to fake some level of enthusiasm, but ultimately isn’t very successful. But he refuses to admit that anything’s wrong, insisting that he’s fine, and he doesn’t know what Hattori is talking about.

Lies. All lies.

It doesn’t take a genius to see through his lies, because Kudo isn’t even putting in much effort for it. Sure, he puts in efforts for his Ran-nee-chan and for Kogoro-Occhan, so as not to alert them to anything, but he doesn’t really bother pretending much in front of Hattori, or that lil neechan.

Either he’s too tired from acting in front of others that he’s used up all his acting talents, or this is a cry for help, that he’s secretly wanting them to interfere despite lying about being fine. Either way, whether this is a subconscious cry for help or not, Hattori can’t let this go on. He’s determined to help. He can’t let someone like Kudo, someone who always shines so bright, wallow in sadness like this.

The lil nee-chan says this started after the pink haired grad student suddenly moved out of Kudo Mansion one day - not taking any of his stuff. It’s incredibly suspicious, Hattori thinks, because no one moves out in this manner. Most likely, the person got into some kind of trouble, or danger. But Kudo’s the type to try his best to save everyone, Hattori knows that all too well. Kudo doesn’t just give up when it comes to saving people, not until the last moment. He has to be dragged away from saving people, even at the risk of his own life.

The fact that Kudo isn’t trying to save anyone right now, and instead being depressed and not doing anything, is a hint that perhaps the last moment has already passed. Perhaps it’s too late.

Hattori knows how Kudo goes out of his way, trying to save everyone, to drag people back to life, even murderers. He still remembers how Kudo asked him, heavy and quiet, if he’d ever killed anyone. And how detectives backing murderers into a corner and made murderers feel like they have no choice but to commit suicide, are murderers, in some way. Hattori knows how much Kudo is affected by the Moonlight Sonata case, how that weighs on him, not being able to save the doctor who was a murderer.

Someone like Kudo, who forever remembers not being able to save a murderer, is no doubt even more affected when it comes to failing to save someone he knows and actually considers a friend. Hattori doesn’t know who this Okiya Subaru is, but he must’ve been a friend if Kudo let him live at his house.

Hattori wonders, briefly, how long had it taken Kudo to start solving cases again, after the doctor’s death in the Moonlight Sonata case. He hasn’t met Kudo then, and now it occurs to him perhaps he should’ve asked. When Hattori met him, Kudo was already the determined detective who believes in uncovering the single truth and saving people, instead of someone sunken in sadness and unenthusiastic about new mysteries to solve. But maybe Kudo had taken some time to become that determined detective again after the doctor’s death. Maybe he hadn’t just bounced back immediately to his old self.

But then he did, and when Hattori met him, he’s already the bright teenager who’s like sunshine again. So he will go back to his old self again, he will recover from this current state eventually, Hattori believes with complete confidence.

In the meantime, someone should be by his side and give him a push or two every so often to make sure he recovers to his old self faster.

So Hattori visits Tokyo every weekend, just to be by his side and cheer him up and listen, if he ever decides to talk. He brings different snacks and meals with him, because Osaka features some of the most delicious food ever, in his opinion, and Kudo can really use some delicious food right now. He coaxes Kudo into playing soccer with him, deliberately playing terribly so Kudo can easily win against him and demonstrate the correct way.

In the meantime, Hattori also investigates what really happened, since Kudo is not talking. He talks with the lil nee-chan and the Professor, who both have some clues and answers for him. The lil nee-chan talks about how it was incredibly suspicious when Kudo let the grad student move in, saying people who like Holmes must be good people. (Hattori immediately tells her about the case when he figured out that Conan and Kudo are the same person, and how a Holmes fan was the murderer in that case.) The Professor provides a little more clues, after being persuaded by Hattori and lil nee-chan, and admits that Okiya Subaru was actually an FBI agent who faked his death earlier, under Kudo’s elaborate plan. But apparently the plan was discovered by an organization agent Bourbon and the FBI agent was brought back to the organization and killed.

Lil nee-chan’s eyes widen, and Hattori hears her whisper “Moroboshi Dai ….. No, Akai Shuichi.”

So Kudo’s sadness is not just because of losing a friend, but also because of losing a strong ally? Hattori muses. And perhaps the disastrous result to his plan, being totally outsmarted and defeated.

Unable to keep silent about this knowledge any longer, Hattori confronts Kudo, laying down the information he got from the Professor and the lil nee-chan.

“I know you’re sad, but this is no time to wallow in misery! And don’t say nothing’s wrong, I’ve already talked to the Professor,” Hattori says, giving Kudo a light shake, hands grabbing his shoulders. He’s careful not to grab too forcefully, since Kudo still has a kid’s body. “But isn’t it time to focus and gear up even more, and even if you can’t go running head first into danger directly, you should be preparing and investigating? Or, it’s fine if you don’t do that, but then you should be taking a break and take care of yourself, distract yourself with some other stuff!”

“He told you? The Professor’s terrible at keeping secrets …” Kudo mutters in response.

“Maybe you should think about why he feels the need to tell us, maybe it’s because you’re worrying him,” Hattori snaps.

“Sorry, you’re right,” Kudo sighs. “I know you’re right, I know that, but some things are easier said than done.”

“Try, then,” Hattori says, not backing down.

He drags Kudo out to play soccer, and Kudo puts in more efforts this time, to Hattori’s relief. Then they go out for a walk, and Hattori insists they go to a nice restaurant, because good food can work magic sometimes - even though Tokyo’s restaurants are no match for Osaka’s, he adds.

That comment makes Kudo roll his eyes, which Hattori also takes as a good sign.

Anything to get Kudo back to his old self.

****

Shinichi doesn’t directly tell Hattori, but he does appreciate all of Hattori’s efforts in cheering him up, and he does reflect on the point that Hattori made about if the Professor decided to tell him the truth, then perhaps he’s also worried about Shinichi’s current state.

Since Haibara apparently told Hattori quite a few things about the Organization, then Shinichi probably can’t continue to hide behind the usual excuses he made for himself to not tell Hattori too much. If he’s involved, then he’s involved, and Shinichi knows all too well someone like Hattori Heiji doesn’t easily back off and is unlikely to just let him continue to deal with this without him. Especially not now, after seeing what Shinichi’s been like the past month.

So he finally opens up the subject. About what’s been bothering him, aside from what Hattori already figured out. Aside from Akai-san’s death, and how he must’ve suffered a lot at Gin’s hand before dying, and how his plan that took so many efforts eventually failed, but it wouldn’t have if he had been more careful, if he had insisted to have his father disguised as Okiya for the night.

If only he had been more cautious, if only he had been more insistent, if only …

And to make matters even worse, the straw that broke the camel’s back -

“Vermouth says Bourbon is also a NOC. My suspicions were right. Akai-san’s suspicions about him being a NOC was right, but Bourbon still -”

“But why would he, then?” Hattori interrupts hotly. “Are you sure what Vermouth said is right?”

Shinichi stares downwards at the floor, arms wrapped around his own knees. “I have no way of verifying it, but Vermouth sounds like she’s telling the truth - or at least, what she believes to be the truth. She says Bourbon’s real name is Furuya Rei, and he’s a kouan police officer with NPA.”

“What?!”

“Yeah,” Shinichi sighs heavily. “He stopped showing up at Poirot Cafe after that, to avoid capture from the Organization. They found out about his identity. He’s been at Vermouth’s apartment ever since, I think.”

“Wait wait wait, back up there, Kudo. What’s this with Poirot Cafe? You mean you’ve met this Bourbon? He’s a regular customer downstairs from where you live? And does this mean Vermouth has switched sides?”

Shinichi winces, and then fills Hattori up to date with what he knows about Bourbon, aka Amuro Tooru, aka Furuya Rei, from how the man became Sleeping Kogoro’s apprentice, to the revelation of his Bourbon identity on the train - “Kudo, you asked Kaito KID for help but not me?” - to Vermouth being her typical ambiguous self but has apparently decided to cover for two NOCs, Kir and Bourbon. Then he also did a quick summary of his fake death plan for Akai-san and how that had all fallen apart.

“I just don’t understand, why would he sell out an ally like that,” Shinichi says quietly. Or don’t want to understand, perhaps, he thinks. He knows how some people jokingly call him the Savior of the Japanese Police Force, and it makes him wonder, is this what the elite of this force is like? Vermouth said that if Bourbon had done that, he might’ve been given permission by his superiors to do so. Does selling out an ally really gain that much, compared to the losses? He had intended for Gin to kill Akai-san, hadn’t he?

How ironic, Shinichi thinks bitterly, that the plan to advance his own position hasn’t gotten very far. It hasn’t even lasted a day before things went sideways. On the one hand, serves him right, the bitter and angry side of Shinichi thinks. On the other hand, one less NOC who had inside information. Perhaps their last one, too. There was nobody else - since this selfish act also exposed Kir. Yeah, it’s not just one ally he chose to sacrifice, it’s two.

Is one single NOC’s advancement truly worth this? To sacrifice the lives of others - it was lucky Kir had Vermouth deciding to shelter her, or else she might’ve died too.

Is this the decision made by the elite of the force? This supposed force people often joke that he’s a savior of?

Hattori looks at him and sighs. His gaze makes Shinichi feel like maybe Hattori has already seen through him. “Kudo, you know spies aren’t really the same as your usual officers,” Hattori says. “I’m not saying it’s right, but they operate on another set of rules in their own way with their own priorities, and sometimes they make terribly wrong decisions because of that. And he may have to answer to fewer people than you assume, or maybe the operation was kept secret.” Hattori pauses. “And, maybe it’s just me, but doesn’t it kind of sound like they have some personal grudge that runs deeper?”

“Well, I did get the impression that they were hardly friendly with each other … I don’t know how deep any hatred runs, or if Bourbon is just being particularly cold blooded and conceited, thinking that it’s still a gain if he can advance further into the core of the organization, even if we lost two other NOCs in the process.”

“Have you asked lil nee-chan? She didn’t know who exactly the grad student was, until the Professor told us, and now she does know, maybe she can tell you something. Or, you know, since you’re apparently so close with Vermouth, maybe you can ask her, too.”

Great, just another thing to deal with, Shinichi thinks heavily. Haibara’s probably pissed that he kept the secret away from her. But Hattori is right, perhaps Haibara has heard something back when she was in the Organization.

“Whatever grudge he has, I don’t think it justifies getting another NOC killed - or another exposed and being hunted down.”

Hattori agrees vehemently.

Shinichi had thought his suspicions about Bourbon were wrong, and that he really was an enemy. And then it turned out that his suspicions were right, but in a way he still is an enemy, but he’s not supposed to be. They’re supposed to be able to work together, to collaborate.

It’s not supposed to be like this, an ally stabbing someone in the back.

He feels betrayed, and he can’t even be sure if this betrayed feeling is rational or not. They were never confirmed to be allies before the ‘betrayal’ occurred, as Bourbon had pointed out, when he visited Vermouth’s apartment. Bourbon had been pretending to be an enemy, while he pretended to be an enemy pretending to be the nice detective downstairs. He never said they’re friends or allies.

“You can’t accuse me of betraying you if you never actually trusted me,” Shinichi remembers Bourbon saying.

He wasn’t wrong about that, but why does Shinichi still feel betrayed?

Because of the fact that a NOC from the Japanese police would do this? Because an ally isn’t supposed to do this? Because Bourbon pretends to be the nice detective Amuro Tooru who has saved Conan more than once? Because he had been so sure that this plan he had for Akai-san would eventually result in them gaining someone they can collaborate with, and things then went horribly wrong?

“Hey, Kudo,” Hattori says. “If you let someone with questionable morals turn you into this shell of your former self who lost all energy and hope in everything, you’re letting him win. Or letting them win.”

****

Haibara tells them a story about a man named Scotch. An agent from PSB who died at Rye’s - Akai Shuichi’s hands. It’s an earth-shattering revelation, because it’s one thing to find out the sly, dangerous Bourbon he never completely trusted can be capable of handing a fellow NOC to the Organization, it’s another thing to find out Akai-san, who Shinichi has come to trust and rely and believe in not only his abilities but his integrity, is also capable of killing another NOC.

“Haibara, are you sure that’s what happened?”

Haibara huffs. “Are you the one from the Organization or am I?”

“You weren’t there, though, when he killed him, were you?”

“No, but there was no one else that could’ve done it, plus, he said it himself. If you think he stole the credit from someone else, then wouldn’t that someone else say something? And from what I’ve heard, the next one on scene is Bourbon, and then Gin not soon after - Gin told me himself. If Bourbon and Scotch worked together like you said, Bourbon could hardly be the one to kill him. Combined with Bourbon’s hatred and obsession with Rye, it could only have been Rye who did it.”

Shinichi is silent.

He doesn’t want to believe it, but as Hattori said earlier, spies operate with their own set of rules and priority.

Sometimes they have to make certain choices.

Haibara adds, “But that doesn’t mean their circumstances were the same. Gin ordered the execution, and Gin himself is not far behind to that roof. Perhaps Rye was backed into a corner and had to choose to sacrifice one person instead of sacrificing them both. From what you’ve said, Bourbon didn’t seem to be backed into the same corner.”

****

Eventually, Kudo starts becoming his old self again. Not completely the same, and Hattori thinks that in some way he might never be the same again, but he’s channeling his anger and sadness into motivation and he’s focusing on taking down the Organization again instead of just being sad and doing nothing. He’s started solving cases again, because at his heart he’ll always be a detective.

It’s an improvement, Hattori thinks.

*****

After some months of hard work and more importantly, Vermouth’s useful inside information and Vermouth utilizing The Boss’s and Rum’s trust of her, they end up in a grand final confrontation. If successful, they can arrest all the high level operatives in one go.

At one of the last moments before the operation, they just need one bait to get the Organization hooked.

Furuya calmly volunteers.

He’s all prepared for not making out of this alive, but if his baiting is successful, then he thinks whether he himself survived isn’t that much of a big deal, as long as the Organization is taken down. And who better than him to do this job? Gin has always been mad that he slipped through his fingers, and now’s the chance to dangle himself in front of Gin as bait.

Hook, line, sinker, he has it all thought out.

It’s perfect. It’s guaranteed. He can see it all too clearly, the neat solution to everything.

Hiro, I’m coming to you, he thinks. And taking down these bastards at the same time.

And then, of course, Kudo Shinichi - aka Edogawa Conan - ruins his perfect plan.

The boy comes up with an ingenious and bold yet much riskier plan, in Furuya’s opinion. Much riskier than just treating Furuya himself as sacrificable.

He doesn’t understand why the boy does it.

He still doesn’t understand when he lies on the hospital bed, until Vermouth comes to visit and shakes her head in annoyance, and he can see clearly how she obviously had preferred his own plan than the boy’s riskier one. To Vermouth, Kudo Shinichi is much more worth protecting than Bourbon. She does tell him, though, about the time she met Kudo Shinichi and Mouri Ran, back in New York, and how they saved her, who was disguised as a serial killer at that time. “He’s just that type of person who tries to save everyone.” Her mouth twists. “Even someone like you or me, Bourbon.”

Furuya wants to say that’s so incredibly naive, but he can’t bring himself to say it. It had worked, hadn’t it? However reckless Furuya might’ve felt the plan was.

How does someone make that choice, how does someone not give up like that, grasping every tiny opportunity, how does someone not choose to take the easy way and more surefire way out? Why does he choose not to sacrifice Furuya, after what he’d done with Akai?

He still remembers how angry the boy had been, back then.

The boy himself comes to visit once, too, now back to his 17 year old body. And Furuya asks, croaking, “Why?”

“Because I’m not you,” Kudo Shinichi says, almost angrily. “Because I won’t be like you.”

Ah, still angry at him then, Furuya surmises. Fair enough.

It’s not like he needs a naive 17 year old’s forgiveness, anyway. Sure, his reckless plan worked, but it doesn’t change the fact that it had been riskier, while Furuya’s own plan would’ve been more guaranteed. It’s not like Kudo Shinichi understands why Furuya does what he does, and it’s not like Furuya needs him to understand.

In some way, maybe Furuya doesn’t want him to understand. He’s still just a kid, after all, even if he’s actually 17 not 7. He’s still young and he deserves to be naive sometimes, maybe, to retain optimism, even if the optimism can be unrealistic at times.

This is fine. He’s not bitter about this.

He’s not.

(He is, just a little.)

“Good,” he says simply. “You shouldn’t be like me.”

Kudo looks away, staring at the wall, and for a moment Furuya thinks he sees him blinking away tears, but then the moment is gone.

“Thank you for saving me,” Furuya decides to add. It’s only polite, after all. Even if he never asked to be saved. But he can’t deny there’s a relief to make it out safely, too. And despite his annoyance at the boy’s naivety and recklessness, he admires that in him, too.

More than he wants to admit.

Sometimes, Kudo Shinichi looks like very, very bright sunshine sharply cutting through the darkness he has been engulfed in for so long.

It’s uncomfortable because he’s not used to such brightness and warmth, but at the same time, there’s a certain comfort in this discomfort, too. An acknowledgement of finally ending the battle he’s been in so long, to finally stop being Bourbon.

“If you really want to thank me,” the boy says stiffly. “Perhaps you can do me a favor.”

At first, Furuya wonders if he’s going to ask for a guarantee of future career or anything like that, but somehow it doesn’t surprise him that of course the boy doesn’t ask for that. It does slightly shock and unnerve him, however, when the boy asks him to recount his version of what happened with Scotch, in detail if possible.

At that moment, any previous gratitude vanishes immediately.

“Still trying to find a way to justify what Akai did?” He asks, harshly.

“Just trying to figure out the truth, figure out what really happened,” Kudo retorts, equally sharp. “Don’t you think it doesn’t make sense? Both Miyano and Vermouth told me that Scotch and Rye got along. That they’re friends, even.”

“Kudo-kun,” Furuya says coolly. “I’m grateful that you saved my life, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave now.”

Kudo looks frustrated for a moment, and then turns around to leave without another word.

****

Somehow, Furuya finds himself thinking and analyzing the events of Hiro’s death again. Painfully tracing each and every step that led up to it, even though he had earlier refused to do so for Kudo Shinichi.

But as much as he loathed to admit it, there were some truths to Kudo’s words. Because Furuya himself had been so close with Hiro, best friends since childhood, he had failed to notice that in some way, Scotch and Rye could almost be considered friendly with each other. Vermouth and Sherry both had a point.

If Rye is just Rye, organization operative, then Rye’s and Scotch’s affection for each other could just be interpreted as Rye intentionally setting a trap for Scotch. But Rye turned out to be a NOC, and despite how Furuya prefers to think of Akai as cold blooded and cruel and would do anything to advance his own position, he has to wonder if maybe he’s just assuming Akai would do so because that’s what he himself did. Even as Rye, Akai hadn’t been particularly cruel, just cold sometimes, often with a blank and emotionless mask on. But even back then, he played nice with Scotch, somehow. Let down his guard around Scotch, for some reason. Akai, or Rye, had always been arrogant and believed in his own abilities, and in some ways willing to take big risks - like Kudo Shinichi - Furuya supposed that’s why they’re both called the Silver Bullet.

Would someone like that choose to risk saving him, or simply kill him?

Rye had always been arrogant and believed he could get away with things - that’s how he had fallen into Bourbon’s hands that night.

What choice would Rye have made?

But if, hypothetically, Akai had tried to save Hiro, why would Hiro still - wait, the blood pattern and the clean palm, it’s suicide, but why, had he forced Hiro to commit suicide, or had Hiro somehow decided -

Oh no.

Truth comes crashing down at a lightning speed, like many huge waves hitting him all at once.

He feels himself fall apart. Not physically, of course, which he feels is unfortunate.

****

He asks Kudo if they can meet up somewhere.

Kudo comes, and Furuya can see that he’s rather reluctant, but is too curious to say no. Ever the detective.

Earlier, Furuya dug up Akai’s knitted cap from his car, buried under piles of other stuff. He had taken it off Akai’s head that night before he brought Akai to Gin, as a sign of victory, he’d thought at that time. Taking away one of the things Akai had kept on himself at all times. After washing it clean, he brought it with him to the meeting with Kudo Shinichi.

“Kudo-kun,” he nods at the boy.

“Furuya-san,” the boy replies, his tone formal and full of distrust. Furuya can’t really blame him for that.

Slowly, Furuya recounts what he thinks really happened that night Scotch died. No one can confirm it now, since Akai and Hiro are both dead now, but somehow, Furuya can feel that his deduction is right this time.

It’s painful, telling him all these, every last piece of the story, down to the footsteps that probably prompted Hiro into pulling the trigger. It’s painful just to think about it, let alone tell someone else. But he owes Kudo Shinichi this. He owes Kudo Shinichi more than this, actually, but he figures this is probably what Kudo most wanted - the truth.

Kudo’s a detective through and through, after all.

Kudo’s silent for a while after hearing the whole story, and Furuya adds, “I know it doesn’t mean much coming from me, but I’m sorry. For,” he swallows, it’s hard, but he forces himself to say it, to admit it in words, “for bringing Akai to Gin,” he finishes in a quiet voice.

Kudo still doesn’t say anything, and Furuya takes out the knitted cap and sees Kudo blink in surprise. “Is that -”

“Yes,” Furuya says. “I took it - after that night. It’s been in my car since.” He says softly. “I thought you might want to keep it.”

Kudo hesitates for a moment, and replies quietly, “I do. Thank you.”

“It’s the least I can do,” he says.

****

They don’t see each other again for a while after that, until they both get involved in the same case three years later. Kudo is a college student now, but aside from being slightly older and more mature in appearances, and seemingly even more experienced in investigating things than he had been, he’s mostly the person Furuya remembers.

They work together well enough, despite not having worked together for quite a long time, and had not particularly parted on nice terms when they last saw each other. It’s a really weird feeling, to be able to work together so nicely.

Makes him wonder how things could have been had he not turned Akai in.

Just when he thinks they’re about to say goodbye and probably not see each other again for another few years, Kudo calls after him. “Wait, Furuya-san.”

He stops, and turns around to look at Kudo. “Yes, Kudo-kun?”

Kudo hesitates, and says, “I just want to say - the last time we saw each other, I was still pretty angry with you and hadn’t forgiven you and then we never met again until now and I want to say that now I - I have.” He pauses, and then continues. “I think Akai-san wouldn’t have wanted me to keep being angry on his behalf.”

Hiro probably never would’ve wanted Furuya to do all the things he did in the name of avenging him, but Furuya still did it anyway. He gazes at the boy, who’s far better and far more forgiving than him in every aspect.

Not that he hadn’t already known that years ago.

Three years ago, he had thought that he didn’t need Kudo’s forgiveness. And he truly didn’t need it. But it’s only when he receives it that he realizes how relieving it feels to have it, like he’s been drowning for a long time and someone finally reaches out a hand to pull him out.

“Thank you, Kudo-kun,” he says quietly, sincerely - perhaps the most sincere thank you he has ever given him. “I appreciate you for telling me this.”

Kudo nods, and turns to leave.

Furuya watches as Kudo walks away, his shadow dragging long under the sunset, until he finally turns a corner and he can’t see him anymore.

#dcmk #hattori heiji #kudo shinichi #edogawa conan #haibara ai #furuya rei #brotp: liar. you're one to talk #my writing

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