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Hi & welcome to episode 1 of Don't Be Strangers ✨☺️ a podcast and social experiment for learning to create meaningful connections together via collaborative conversations! Statistics show that (1) social isolation is on the rise and (2) the number of close friends someone would say that they have is decreasing. Considering that having a strong social network is one of the key factors in general happiness, overall health, and prolonged longevity, my hope is that this podcast will serve to bring awareness to the issue as well as provide a platform to start solving the problem, together!
My name is XinYi and I dreamt up this little experiment... and when I say experiment, I stress, this is a complete experiment because I fully intend to treat each episode as a test and learn and improve along the way. So I thought I'd start off easy and not put a lot of pressure on myself by asking someone whom I already knew that I adored having conversations with ... my husband, Joseph. I kind of forgot how wordy we both can be and it was made extremely apparent during the recording because I think we ended up recording close to 3 hours of content (which I was able to edit down to only 1 and a half hours?), so if you like long-format podcasts or if you listen to everything at 2x speed like me — I've got you covered! And to avoid making this any longer... let's just cut to it.
Table of Contents
〜 introductions + getting to know who we are 〜
00:01:13 - XinYi asks: "Why don't you introduce yourself?"
00:01:22 - XinYi asks: "What does your ideal day look like?"
00:14:51 - XinYi asks: "What have you been thankful for lately?"
00:17:11 - XinYi asks: "How does someone pique your interest to start a conversation with them?"
00:22:14 - Joseph asks: "What does your ideal/typical day look like?"
Hack Your Sleep with Oura Ring: https://ouraring.com
00:32:35 - XinYi asks: "What is the common thread between all your hobbies?"
00:36:20 - Joseph asks: "What is the common thread between all your hobbies?"
〜 deep stuff + vulnerable conversations 〜
00:42:55 - Joseph asks: "What is the origin of 'Creative Chimera'? Why do you align with that?"
00:53:42 - XinYi asks: "How do you define a stranger and at what point do they go from being one to being not?"
00:57:23 - Joseph: "When someone becomes...not a stranger, it only requires a one-sided interaction and when one can identify with something about them [(the other person)] ... with them."
01:07:07 - XinYi: "Which begs the question... do you think there is a category that lies between a stranger and acquaintance?"
01:10:00 - Joseph: "I think there's an essence of still agreement between us..." ← this is how our "arguments" typically end 😂
01:11:45 - Joseph: talking about our relationship between a normal romantic person with an aromantic alien (XinYi)
01:12:18 - Joseph asks: "What does being aromantic mean to you?"
01:14:15 - XinYi: "Aromanticsm: people catch feelings... I don't."
01:16:40 - Joseph asks: "Describe how it felt — at the moment of us being really close friends — for me to confess that I liked you in a more than friend capacity... despite knowing that you were aromantic?"
And that concludes our conversation! The point of this podcast is to encourage open and meaningful conversations so I'm very keen to know if you found any part of our conversation interesting or unconventional. Did you agree or disagree with anything? If so, why? This is your warm invitation from me to you to find the instagram post associated with this episode and to share your thoughts (I'll link them the show notes) OR if you feel so inspired... you can send a direct message to @dontbestrangers on instagram or email me at [email protected] and maybe potentially co-host a future episode with me? I know I would love to meet you.
Also, if you happen to know anyone who is passionate about community building, loves meeting new people, or simply enjoys listening to and participating in deep conversations — I'd be so honored if you could connect us. Again, you can reach out to me @dontbestrangers or email me at [email protected] or you can share this podcast with this loved one and see what they think!
So, thanks again if you've stuck around till the end here for sharing your time and energy with us! I hope something that we talked about made you laugh or smile at the very least and until next time, wishing you all the very best that life has to offer. ✨
+ sign up for the email list to never miss an episode ✨☺️ dontbestrangers.substack.com
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Hi & welcome to episode 1 of Don't Be Strangers ✨☺️ a podcast and social experiment for learning to create meaningful connections together via collaborative conversations! Statistics show that (1) social isolation is on the rise and (2) the number of close friends someone would say that they have is decreasing. Considering that having a strong social network is one of the key factors in general happiness, overall health, and prolonged longevity, my hope is that this podcast will serve to bring awareness to the issue as well as provide a platform to start solving the problem, together!
My name is XinYi and I dreamt up this little experiment... and when I say experiment, I stress, this is a complete experiment because I fully intend to treat each episode as a test and learn and improve along the way. So I thought I'd start off easy and not put a lot of pressure on myself by asking someone whom I already knew that I adored having conversations with ... my husband, Joseph. I kind of forgot how wordy we both can be and it was made extremely apparent during the recording because I think we ended up recording close to 3 hours of content (which I was able to edit down to only 1 and a half hours?), so if you like long-format podcasts or if you listen to everything at 2x speed like me — I've got you covered! And to avoid making this any longer... let's just cut to it.
Table of Contents
〜 introductions + getting to know who we are 〜
00:01:13 - XinYi asks: "Why don't you introduce yourself?"
00:01:22 - XinYi asks: "What does your ideal day look like?"
00:14:51 - XinYi asks: "What have you been thankful for lately?"
00:17:11 - XinYi asks: "How does someone pique your interest to start a conversation with them?"
00:22:14 - Joseph asks: "What does your ideal/typical day look like?"
Hack Your Sleep with Oura Ring: https://ouraring.com
00:32:35 - XinYi asks: "What is the common thread between all your hobbies?"
00:36:20 - Joseph asks: "What is the common thread between all your hobbies?"
〜 deep stuff + vulnerable conversations 〜
00:42:55 - Joseph asks: "What is the origin of 'Creative Chimera'? Why do you align with that?"
00:53:42 - XinYi asks: "How do you define a stranger and at what point do they go from being one to being not?"
00:57:23 - Joseph: "When someone becomes...not a stranger, it only requires a one-sided interaction and when one can identify with something about them [(the other person)] ... with them."
01:07:07 - XinYi: "Which begs the question... do you think there is a category that lies between a stranger and acquaintance?"
01:10:00 - Joseph: "I think there's an essence of still agreement between us..." ← this is how our "arguments" typically end 😂
01:11:45 - Joseph: talking about our relationship between a normal romantic person with an aromantic alien (XinYi)
01:12:18 - Joseph asks: "What does being aromantic mean to you?"
01:14:15 - XinYi: "Aromanticsm: people catch feelings... I don't."
01:16:40 - Joseph asks: "Describe how it felt — at the moment of us being really close friends — for me to confess that I liked you in a more than friend capacity... despite knowing that you were aromantic?"
And that concludes our conversation! The point of this podcast is to encourage open and meaningful conversations so I'm very keen to know if you found any part of our conversation interesting or unconventional. Did you agree or disagree with anything? If so, why? This is your warm invitation from me to you to find the instagram post associated with this episode and to share your thoughts (I'll link them the show notes) OR if you feel so inspired... you can send a direct message to @dontbestrangers on instagram or email me at [email protected] and maybe potentially co-host a future episode with me? I know I would love to meet you.
Also, if you happen to know anyone who is passionate about community building, loves meeting new people, or simply enjoys listening to and participating in deep conversations — I'd be so honored if you could connect us. Again, you can reach out to me @dontbestrangers or email me at [email protected] or you can share this podcast with this loved one and see what they think!
So, thanks again if you've stuck around till the end here for sharing your time and energy with us! I hope something that we talked about made you laugh or smile at the very least and until next time, wishing you all the very best that life has to offer. ✨
#dontbestrangers#dontbestrangers-ep#don't be strangers#dont be strangers#podcastersofinstagram#community#communication#how to find love#how to make friends#find your people#findyourtribe#deep connection#deep conversations#deep convos#find your happiness#find your passion#findyourthing#passion project#loveiseverywhere#love is love#aromantic#acespec#acearo#Spotify
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Co-Host: Winnie Storey @skinniwini | Host: Xinyi Xan @xinyixan
Welcome back to episode 7 of Don't Be Strangers, a podcast and social experiment for learning to create meaningful connections together via collaborative conversations! My name's XinYi and every episode is co-hosted by a friend or stranger (or stranger-turns-friend). In this episode, I'm speaking with @skinniwinni of instagram, whom graciously volunteered to co-host this episode as my second ever stranger to come on. I adored this conversation with Winnie because we hit on so many really interesting topics as well as the way that our shared cultural Chinese background influences these experiences.
As always, I try to give a little personal introduction as well as ask each guest to give an introduction so you can see two perspectives on the same person. After talking with Winnie for an hour, I'd describe her as a heroine for immigrating from Hong Kong to America at the cusp of entering 9th grade, which is an especially fragile time in anyone's life to make a transition — especially one as dramatic as her's. She's extremely thoughtful and astute, as observed through her open-ness to share her personal struggles with clinical depression and her resolve to heal her own trauma by dedicating herself to a life of self-studying psychology. But the conversation is definitely not all serious, gloom, and doom. Winnie shares her pro-tips for how to refine your search when deciding on a new city to move to (hint: it has something to do with H-mart's, a Korean supermarket chain), we talk about my favorite book The Art of Travel by Alain de Botton, and her obsession with colors and rainbows, all sprinkled with generous amounts of laughter and serotonin. I will place a trigger warning here, as advised by my friend Hajar. There is no explicit mention of suicide, but I do share some negative self-talk that I mull over whenever I personally dip into a depressive funk.
But as always, I'll have timestamps in my shownotes if you want to jump around and listen to the gem's of her immigration story or our discussion of the topic of strangers...
Timestamps
02:07 - Q Winnie to Xinyi: Why did you start this podcast?
04:08 - Q Xinyi to Winnie: Can you share your immigration story?
04:56 - 1996 & the reason for people fleeing Hong Kong
05:45 - Q Xinyi to Winnie: Was your mom the only person from your family living in SF?
06:09 - Winnie: Going from living with my dad to living with my mom, who was basically a stranger at that time…
09:18 - Winnie: My husband asked me, “What’s your criteria for moving?”
09:19 - Winnie: It needs H mart, it needs Ranch 99, Daiso, Kinoyuniya (Japanese bookstore)…
09:45 - Winnie: Not sponsored by H-mart. I just love H-mart 😂
10:00 - Q Xinyi to Winnie: Tell me about your trip to Houston!
12:16 - Q Winnie to Xinyi: What’s your favorite book?
12:40 - The Art of Travel by Alain de Botton
13:34 - Xinyi (on The Art of Travel): Sublime places — such as mountains and grand landscapes kind of are very grounding to our existence cause you look at these places and it kind of reminds you of your place in the galaxy.
13:55 - Xinyi (on The Art of Travel): Art and it’s importance to travel: The author was making an argument for why everyone should learn to sketch… everyone should learn to sketch in the same way that everyone learns to write.
14:14 - Xinyi (on The Art of Travel): The very skill of sketching teaches you how to see.
16:26 - Q Xinyi to Winnie: Are you big into reading?
16:53 - Amusing Ourselves to Death: Public Discourse in the Age of Show Business by Neil Postman
17:13 - Q Xinyi to Winnie: What are you a geek about?
19:05 - Q Xinyi to Winnie: What is the stemming interest for psychology?
19:24 - Winnie: When I got diagnosed that I have [clinical] depression… I was like, “No, I need to work on it.”
20:18 - Winnie: But I see it now as a gift actually. I just accept who I am… the depression that’s affecting me, because it gave me a different lens of being [able to] empathize with others.”
21:39 - Xinyi: I start going down this pretty negative self talk of… “I’m pretty tired.” *Trigger Warning
22:51 - Xinyi: Girl just take a nap!
23:39 - Q Winnie to Xinyi: What would you love to do if there was no financial constraint?
24:00 - Xinyi: In ep 5, I ask Doza about his rich life. (41:30)
24:10 - The Tim Ferriss Show — Ramit Sethi — How to Play Offense with Money, Plan Bucket Lists, Build a Rich Life with Your Partner, and Take a Powerful $100 Challenge (#524)
29:12 - Q Xinyi to Winnie:What is your theme song and why?
29:33 - I’m Always Chasing Rainbows - Hazbin Hotel
30:27 - Q Winnie to Xinyi: What is the difference between a friend, stranger, and acquaintance?
30:55 - Q Xinyi to Winnie:How do you define a stranger and at what point do they transition from being one to not being one?
32:16 - Xinyi: For me, it’s the level of trust.
34:58 - Winnie: I also want to add, the level of respect…
35:21 - Xinyi: In ep 2 with Arty, he was saying that these terms (friend, acquaintance, strange) does not at all indicate how connected you could feel to someone. (68:12)
36:10 - Xinyi: I respect that people change. I know that we’re not all stagnant.
36:53 - Xinyi: In that scenario I would say, let that person go… Somehow create a scenario where you can part ways on good terms.
37:53 - Xinyi: I don’t think it’s healthy to have friendships where people don’t respect you.
38:05 - Winnie: But sometimes I struggle as my Chinese value part of it is like, “You have to remember your roots… and how long is your friendship…” and somehow it caged me to let go of some people.
38:39 - The importance of family in Chinese culture
And I love that Winnie emphasized this idea of self acceptance throughout her story. It's something that I'm always working on. In fact, just this past week, I've been dealing with a lot of stress which was starting to burn me out. And as I mentioned in the conversation, whenever I start feeling tired, it's inevitable that I also begin to feel sad. But I somehow managed to kick my butt into doing something to distract myself, and what I ended up doing was editing this podcast. Re-living this conversation was just the prescription I needed to uplift myself.
So Winnie, if you're listening to this, thank you sincerely again for being as vulnerable as you were with someone whom you had just met as we were recording live. Your story is truly an inspiration, and I will be referring back to it, every time I feel down.
As a general life update, Winnie has indeed officially moved to Texas!! I'm so excited for her! And I'm actually flying out to Mexico in under a week. I am so nervous....
As always, feedback, comments, and discussions always welcomed in this community. Free to shoot a dm or leave a public comment and start a thread @dontbestrangers on instagram! As anyone of any background can apply to come on to co-host an ep, this is my invitation to you to consider applying! Or if you know anyone who appreciates deep conversations or loves making friends, you should totally consider introducing us!
I'll link Winnie's instagram in the show notes, but you can find her via @skinniwini! Or if you want a personal introduction, just reach out, and don't be a stranger! Have an awesome rest of your day. :-)
+ sign up for the email list to never miss an episode ✨☺️ dontbestrangers.substack.com
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Co-Host: Elan @lano.illo | Host: Xinyi Xan @xinyixan
Shop Elan’s Prints!! https://lanostudiostore.bigcartel.com
Hey! You're listening to episode 6 of Don't Be Strangers, a podcast and social experiment for learning to create meaningful connections together via collaborative conversations! I'm your host XinYi and in this episode, we're chatting with my creative chimera sister Elan who describes herself as a life enthusiast and lover of colors. We had rainchecked the recording of this episode at least 2 times due to travel and moving schedules, so I'm so grateful we finally made it happen.
I was personally really ecstatic about this conversation because I met Elan through instagram after a mutual friend of ours, Amy, featured her. Her art, poster design skills, intuition for pop color palettes, and illustration skills are to be envied. When I reached out to ask for an art collaboration, I had no idea it would lead to recording this podcast episode together. So albeit this isn't the first time we've communicated, it was definitely the first time I spoke to her in real time and over video. And we talked a lot.. like for almost 3 hours straight. So yeah, I have a lot of editing ahead of me. Highlights of our upcoming chat includes (1) how she pivoted from studying neuroscience to a career in design, fresh out of school (2) my favorite sensory experiences that make life colorful such as scents, visuals, textures, etc. (3) if Elan was a secondary character, who would she pick to be the protagonist? (4) a potential method for overcoming imposter syndrome and (5) what quarantine revealed about her friendships and long distance relationship.
Timestamps
01:52 - I just think of myself as a life enthusiast.
02:16 - I like to sample from diverse experiences, whether that be different people, different cultures…
02:59 - Claire of episode 004: w/ Berlin-based photographer Claire P.** 🧡🌸🌿 from meeting on YouTube to hanging in NYC, Dallas, and Dublin + asking: can I see myself as an engineer for the rest of my life?
03:19 - Elan guesses my profession
05:28 - Q Xinyi to Elan: How did you go from neuroscience to design?
06:14 - When you spend time in college for 4 years, your worth feels how good your grades are.
06:44 - So I think in a sense, art and design kind of saved me.
08:35 - https://theinturnship.com
09:54 - I hate the phrase “self-taught” mainly because I feel like the internet is such a rich resource..
10:33 - If you’re even remotely interested in any topic, and you have a working wifi connection and the privilege to spend time working on something… you could probably do it.
10:39 - Q Elan to Xinyi: What are some of your favorite sensory experiences that make colorful for you? Like favorite scents, textures, sounds, visuals, etc.?
14:33 - I love knowing what sensory stimulations a person really enjoys, cause I feel like it’s really descriptive of who someone is as a person.
14:55 - Q Xinyi to Elan: If you were the secondary character, who would be the protagonist?
16:39 - Q Elan to Xinyi: If there is one thing you could know for certain about your future, what would it be?
19:47 - It would be amazing to know that if there’s a time and place where something you love and value and would love to delve into is something that the world would actually embrace for a sustainable amount of time.
20:42 - Q Xinyi to Elan: What did quarantine reveal about your friendships and friend groups?
21:25 - Quarantine solidified that I could totally be a words of affirmation person through and through.
24:04 - I just found that physical separation did not weaken my relationship with people
24:16 - I learned to value just looking forward to hearing someone’s voice…
24:32 - Another love language of mine is sending memes to each other… like that’s a real love language. I love receiving things that my friends know will make me laugh and doing the same thing back.
24:45 - I feel like humor just unlocks a lot of different dimensions of a person.
26:02 - When I first got my phone and… the novelty of just having a device that you can use to instantly connect with anyone, just makes you think that you’re supposed to be doing that all the time.
27:18 - Q Elan to Xinyi: What are the biggest inspo for your art?
28:14 - What is a Creative Chimera?
29:37 - Abhas ( https://www.instagram.com/abhasmisraraj/ )
29:44 - Creative Chimera’s Club > https://www.instagram.com/creativechimeras.club/
30:30 - I think a lot of people have the tendency to be like… omg, I’m such an outlier…
32:21 - Q Elan to Xinyi: With the way you chase novelty have you, have you ever wondered to yourself where you’ll be in a few years?
32:52 - Well, I still feel like an imposter but I have a lot more confidence in Googling things…
32:58 - I have confidence in my ability to figure it out!
33:35 - The core meaning of intelligence or skill
33:50 - I don’t think it means having the literal ability to execute something from the mind, then and there. It’s more like, when you have an end result in mind, how are you able to acquire the resources needed to help you get to that end product?
34:36 - You knowing it and being able to do it without consulting the internet is basically a product of experience. You have to start somewhere.
35:12 - Q Xinyi to Elan: How do you define a stranger and at what point do they go from being one to not being one?
38:49 - Q Elan to Xinyi: Does acquaintance sit closer to the side of a stranger or a friend?
41:20 - If the cards fall correctly, you would care to get to know this person better.
42:13 - I define it more of a mental state because technically, when you ask someone, “What is that person to you?” You have a choice to… bestow some title to them.
43:20 - Vignette of Curtis the hobo from a Starbucks in Salt Lake City
47:43 - A lot of the wisest people are just people who observe.
48:10 - He’s honestly probably far happier than people who a lot more material goods than him.
49:30 - I love that you highlighted that we’re given a choice because I feel like this is true not just in regards to our relationships but just everything in life… that we have the choice to perceive any situation in any way we want.
50:28 - Stress and anger are the two worst things that you can put your body through and will genuinely shorten your life, but the most powerful agent against negativity, sadness, depression, stress, anger is gratitude. You notice they’re not saying happiness, right? Everyone thinks that happiness is the opposite of sadness… but gratitude is a much more dimensional… state of mind.
51:54 - Q Xinyi to Elan: What are you grateful for?
52:27 - I think there’s a lot of hesitance for many people to make connections with others that they don’t think they’ll ever physically see.
53:13 - Q Elan to Xinyi: What are you grateful for?
53:26 - Kimi ( https://www.instagram.com/_imik/ )
54:26 - Humanity is amazing and people are so cool— that’s why I always try to reach out, that’s why I always try to talk to people because there’s so much to be learned from you… I don’t know what it is yet, but I want to meet you… I want to talk to you. (Yes, you.)
Man, it's conversations like these that makes my heart ache for the existence of teleportation. Like why don't we live closer? But in any case, how would you answer some of the questions that Elan proposed to me? Feel free to shoot a dm or leave a public comment and start a community thread @dontbestrangers on instagram! And don't forget, anyone of any background can apply to come on to chat. Or if you know anyone who appreciates deep conversations or loves making friends, you should totally consider introducing us!
I'll link Elan's art in the show notes, but you can also directly connect with her on instagram via @lano.illo! Or if you want a personal introduction, just reach out, and don't be a stranger! Let's speak again soon.
+ sign up for the email list to never miss an episode ✨☺️ dontbestrangers.substack.com
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Co-Host: Anthony “Doza” Mendoza @dozaleprince | Host: Xinyi Xan @xinyixan
All of Doza’s Socials & Links: https://linktr.ee/dozaleprince
Welcome back to Don't Be Strangers, a podcast and social experiment for learning to create meaningful connections together via collaborative conversations! My name's XinYi, and this is a huge milestone episode for me because when I started the project, knowing who I am and my propensity to be suddenly struck with a lightning bolt of an idea, fall madly in love with it, begin working on said idea feverishly like I'm possessed, then proceed to fall horribly out of love with it — I had promised myself to produce at least 5 episodes before seeing if I want to continue or to set aside this project. Well, this is episode 5, and I have about 8 more recordings scheduled in the next month or so... so I don't think I'll be stopping any time soon.
The other reason why this episode is incredibly special is because this is the first true episode I recorded with an actual stranger. I had made a public post announcement in a Facebook group asking for co-hosts and Anthony Mendoza or "Doza" as we refer to him in this ep, graciously volunteered. I was super nervous, lol, but ultimately, it was super fun! In this conversation, we talk about (1) what villains we would want to be vs what villains we would most be like, (2) Doza's creative process as a rapper, (3) what we're currently struggling with in life, (4) the moment I realized I was old, and (5) is it better to be single or to be married, especially if you're really trying to focus on your career?
Questions & Highlights [ Timestamp Index ]
01:30 - Q Xinyi to Doza: What’s the origin of your nickname(s)?
03:37 - Q Xinyi to Doza: What’s your relationship like with L.A.?
10:34 - Q Doza to Xinyi: What is a skill/sport/ability that you wish you were really good at?
12:59 - Your vocals are an instrument that you can carry anywhere!
15:05 - Q Xinyi to Doza: What is a skill/sport/ability that you wish you were really good at?
16:30 - Q Doza to Xinyi: From any universe/book/etc what villain would you want to be? And what villain would you most likely be?
18:24 - Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney (a visual novel game)
21:43 - Q Xinyi to Doza: From any universe/book/etc what villain would you want to be? and what villain would you most likely be?
25:03 - Q Xinyi to Doza: As a rapper, what does your creative process look like from end to end?
26:49 - Sample of “Another Devil” by Doza
30:22 - Q Xinyi to Doza: What are you struggling with right now?
30:29 - Sample of “Played Out” by Doza
36:05 - Q Doza to Xinyi: Moment you realized you were old?
39:04 - Xinyi: You’re only as old as you think you are.
41:30 - Q Xinyi to Doza: What does your rich life look like?
41:59 - Doza: My goal at the end of the day is just to be happy.
42:44 - Doza: The struggles I go through… at the end of the day, they’re struggles that I know I have to go through to get to where I want to be.
43:24 - Doza: You only live once…life is too short.
43:44 - Doza: What I’m struggling with… I’ll never get to do everything that I want to do in life.
44:46 - Doza: Rich life = happy life = no worries
44:57 - Q Doza to Xinyi: What does your rich life look like?
47:45 - Q Doze to Xinyi: Is it better being single or married? (In general and if you’re really diving into your career)
49:51 - Xinyi: Being aromatic… I don’t understand why you need that validation from a romantic partner even though I understand that we, as humans, all need connection and all need to be loved.
50:32 - Xinyi: I believe that if people want to be in a relationship, that relationship should support their single lifestyle.
53:51 - Q Xinyi to Doza: How do you define a stranger and at what point do they transition from being one to not being one?
57:34 - Doza: What inspired me to get on this [podcast]… I kinda just miss talking to people, and I thought this was a cool concept.
And that's the scoop! As always, if you have any thoughts on anything we talked about, feel free to shoot a dm or leave a public comment and start a community thread @dontbestrangers on instagram! As the goal of this podcast is to simply narrow the gap between all of us as fellow humans, anyone of any background can apply to come on to chat. Which means, yes, you too can apply to co-host an episode! Or if you know anyone who appreciates deep conversations or loves making friends, you should totally consider introducing us to each other!
I'll link all of Doza's socials and music in the show notes, but can also directly reach out to him via instagram at his account @dozaleprince! Let's connect again soon, and remember, don't be a stranger. :')
+ sign up for the email list to never miss an episode ✨☺️ dontbestrangers.substack.com
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Co-Host: Claire Petersen @byclairep | Host: Xinyi Xan @xinyixan
Claire photography portfolio: @shotbyclairep / www.clairepetersen.com
Hellooo, it's so good to catch up again. Today I'm sharing episode 4 of Don't Be Strangers, a podcast and social experiment for learning to create meaningful connections together via collaborative conversations! My name's XinYi, and the way this works is that anyone of any background can apply to come on and chat with me about anything under the sun. The goal is to simply narrow the gap between all of us as fellow humans. Today we're chatting with my Berlin-based Irish friend Claire, whom is I met in New York City thanks to the power of YouTube. Highlights of our conversation includes (1) The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin — a personality analysis of how you deal with internal and external expectations which is very useful for understanding why there can be disagreements or tension, (2) Claire's secret to not burning out as she attempts to turn her photography hobby into a business (3) Is the 40 hour work week actually effective, productive, and sustainable? (4) What living in Berlin is actually like and why does Claire adore it so much?, and (5) success defined as "doing what you said you'd do, with ease..." As usual, I'll include all the timestamps and more in the show notes, so let's jump to it!
Questions & Highlights [ Timestamp Index ]
01:33 - How we met!
02:57 - You never know what will happen when you reach out to people online...
04:48 - "That’s how you know you’ve got a good friend… when it feels like that [like no time has passed at all]"
05:27 - The sum of my 5 closest friends say that we all suck at replying LOL
05:50 - The 4 Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin Explained
07:38 - Upholders = Dungeons & Dragon's Lawful Good
09:21 - I have rebellious tendencies which align with Questioners
10:41 - Q Claire to Xinyi: Do you get analysis paralysis as a Questioner?
12:50 - Q Xinyi to Claire: Did you find that your friends fell under a particular tendency? (Since you made everyone take this?)
14:04 - Q Xinyi to Claire: Is there any information on the relationship dynamics between these 4 tendencies?
14:10 - I think she [Gretchen Rubin] says that two Questioners couldn’t be in a relationship.
14:47 - Claire: "You’re the first questioner that I’m friends with!!"
15:13 - Claire: I’ve always been known for asking so many questions in school…I remember getting a certificate for most inquisitive mind, which feels like an award made just to give this little weird kid so that they could have something to be proud of
17:18 - Claire: There’s just something comforting knowing why people think in certain ways...
18:20 - Q Xinyi to Claire: What do you find so insightful about personality tests?? Why are they so appealing?
19:48 - Enneagram Personality Test Results
20:43 - Xinyi: What sets the Enneagram apart is that they believe you are one type for the entirety of your life but you can have growth vs regressive phases... I think the most interesting part is that they have breakdown info about these growth and regressive states
22:50 - Q Xinyi to Claire: Which 3 books/podcasts/self development resource would you give to your 18 year old to kick start her adulthood?
23:00 - BOOK REC: Peak: Secrets from the New Science of Expertise by Anders Ericsson
23:30 - Claire: It talks about how talent isn’t actually an important thing and that anyone can excel in anything. But the thing you need is hours and hours of deliberate practice.
24:09 - 10,000 hours that Malcolm Gladwell popularized
24:50 - BOOK REC: The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now by Meg Jay, PhD
26:09 - Q Xinyi to Claire: As you've started turning your photography into a business, do you feel like you have been able to preserve the fundamental playfulness of the craft? If so, how? If not, how can you? (because I feel like a lot of creatives who turn their art into a business face the problem of burn out so I'm very curious to year your thoughts)
27:47 - Claire: My secret is that I’m not too successful at it yet...
29:53 - Xinyi: I actually don’t make any income from my art...I know a lot of people introduce themselves as their professional career, but I always introduce myself as an artist despite the fact that my source of income and day job is a web dev.
31:31 - Xinyi: I believe that everyone is, as a human intrinsically born both a scientist and an artist.
32:03 - Q Claire to Xinyi: Do you always see yourself as a programmer?
32:43 - Xinyi: (on the topic of imposter syndrome) I’ve gotten to a point where I’m still like “yeah I don’t know anything but at least I’ve gotten pretty good at googling.”
34:09 - Xinyi: What I concluded was that I just dislike trying to work on anything for 40 hours a week... So even if it was my art, I’d come to detest my art. I’m not saying everyone is doomed to dislike their job or dislike their passion, I just feel like as a creative chimera I need to be involved with lots of different things. If and when this career naturally concludes, I’m ready for the next thing.
35:31 - Xinyi: I think there’s so much to be explored in life...It’s kind of disheartening and heartbreaking that society expects you to have a linear career path where you’ll do the same thing for 40+ years because I know everyone is multi dimensional.
36:30 - Multi-hypenate/Slashie Way of Living
37:06 - Claire: It shouldn’t add up to more than a full time job
37:51 - Xinyi: I don’t think anyone can truly be productive for 8 consecutive hours
39:24 - Xinyi: A lot of modern professional jobs are desk jobs... I feel like those are very detrimental to your health to be sitting for so long. I’ve heard the case for sitting being the equivalent of smoking.
39:50 - Q Xinyi to Claire: You've traveled quite a bit — what makes Berlin so special in comparison to all the other places you've visited and lived?
40:19 - Claire: Big thing about Berlin is cost of living is so cheap...That goes hand-in-hand with the fact that there are so many creative, odd ball, young people living here
41:46 - Claire: In Berlin you can 100% work in English.
43:39 - Claire: You can do whatever you want kinda like New York where no one bats an eyelid at what you do or what you wear...
43:49 - Q Claire to Xinyi: Are there any creative hobbies that you havent tried yet, that you hope to try in the future?
44:41 - Live2D Cubism
45:20 - Xinyi: "I think my holdback... my constant devil on my shoulder is that, 'you're not good enough...'... Which is very disappointing because that's the fastest way to kill anything... to kill everything."
47:13 - Xinyi: I want to get used to putting out things that aren’t good or perfect... because I want to normalize the process of becoming good.
48:29 - Q Xinyi to Claire: How do you define a stranger and at what point do they transition from being one to not?
49:44 - Parasocial relationships — one-sided relationships, where one person extends emotional energy, interest and time, and the other party, the persona, is completely unaware of the other's existence.
50:39 - Q Xinyi to Claire: do you feel like you need to know someone's name for them to become not a stranger?
50:50 - Claire agreed with me over my hub's answer from episode 1, hehe
52:36 - Claire: I don’t think I ever consciously use the term stranger either... It seems like a very closed off way to look at the world... if you're looking out and thinking, 'that person's a stranger... that person's a stranger...'
54:08 - Q Claire to Xinyi: You seem to have a lot of side projects that you keep up. How do you find the motivation/time to keep up side projects long term? (This is something I struggle with so I am curious)
55:15 - Xinyi: In terms of creating space and time for everything... I think that naturally there will be one or two projects that’ll capture my attention more than the others.
56:18 - Xinyi: The sad part was, that’s not actually a made up ambition...And just apply that sort of ambitious ness to every aspect of my life and just imagine how miserable I was.
57:32 - Xinyi: You should always do what feels good or best at that time and not expect to be able to take a 24 clock and divide it by your number of interests
58:04 - Xinyi: You are not going to as effectively (fill in the blank) when you’re feeling a resistance to doing it
59:12 - Success defined as: "Doing what you said you'd do, with ease."
I swear that Claire is my secret twin sister because sometimes we still read each other's minds... even when we haven't spoken in over two years! Do you have any friends like this? Please feel free to shoot a dm or leave a public comment and start a community thread @dontbestrangers on instagram to share your your thoughts about the conversation or any feedback you'd like to give! Speaking of which, since starting to introduce each of the co-hosts, as per feedback from episode 1 with my husband, I'd love to know if it's been too extra that I both introduce the guest and ask them to introduce themselves? Or how do you feel?
And thank you for the overwhelming support I've gotten thus far because my initial goal was to produce 5 episodes, so I could get a feel of whether this was a project I wanted to keep longterm. And I think as of right now, I have scheduled enough conversations that I can produce 10 episodes. So truly, thank you from the bottom of my heart, and this is your reminder that you, too, can apply to co-host an episode! And if you know anyone who would appreciate these conversations or loves making friends and building community, it would be amazing if you could share the podcast and help make a few introductions!
Speaking of introductions, you can also say hi to Claire via @byclairep / @shotbyclairep on instagram where you can find her gorgeous portrait photography works & remember, don't be a stranger. :- ) I can't wait to chat again soon~
+ sign up for the email list to never miss an episode ✨☺️ dontbestrangers.substack.com
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Co-Host: Arty Braud @artybraud | Host: Xinyi Xan @xinyixan
Arty’s portfolio + website: https://www.artyb.art
Hi, I hope that you're having a good day and I want to thank you for making me/us part of your day? This is episode 2 of Don't Be Strangers, a podcast and social experiment for learning to create meaningful connections together via collaborative conversations! The way this works is that anyone of any background can apply to come on and chat with me about anything they want. The goal is to raise awareness of social isolation and to narrow the gap between all of us as humans. Today, I'm talking with my friend Arty (I hope it's ok that I call you that if you're listening, because he told me that only his close friends call him that but... LOL). I got some feedback from episode one and people were insisting on an introduction of some sort of the co-host, so I'm going to be super extra and not only introduce him from my point of view, but also ask him to introduce himself!
So, I met Arty in Chicago May of 2021 (so pretty recently if you're listening in real time) via this FB group called Asian Creative Network. I was spending 5 weeks out there which is pretty long for a nomad like me so I felt like I needed to establish some friendships so... I just searched the term "Chicago" in said FB group and dm'd anyone who had ever mentioned Chicago in a post or comment up to 3 years back asking for local recommendations as I'd just moved to town. So yeah, that's how Arty & I started speaking and we've only met twice in person and today's conversation will actually be the 3rd time we've ever talked and we cover a lot. It was really apparent to me from our first meet up which was an urban hike through the Boystown neighborhood that took upwards of 2-3 hours, and I was so intrigued because he's a multi-disciplinary artist who does it all, has a free nomadic soul that I completely relate to, and thinks about things profoundly. Highlights of this upcoming conversation includes (1) an analogy of why it isn't healthy to draw all your energy from one thing or hobby similar to how you shouldn't depend solely on one person, (2) upcoming travel plans to California and an extended work from home situation in Mexico, (3) Arty's potential future business plan for a creative space in Chicago, (4) my top cities I've traveled to and what is the commonality between them, and (5) are we actually insane? I'll include all the timestamps and more in the show notes and if I've piqued your interest... here's Arty, introducing himself...
Questions & Highlights [ Timestamp Index ]
00:51 - Xinyi’s intro of Arty
02:28 - Arty’s personal intro
02:45 - Q Xinyi asks: What is your medium of preference as a multidisciplinary artist?
03:54 - Arty: “You can’t get all your energy from one person. Each relationship from a different person gives you a different value… Which is why it’s probably unhealthy to focus all your attention on one.”
06:18 - Xinyi: “I don’t think I’ve ever thought of that concept applied to my arts or hobbies!”
06:42 - Q Xinyi asks: How do you balance your time across all your art outlets?
07:09 - Arty: “Society insists that we can only focus or be good at one thing.”
09:20 - Q Xinyi asks: Are you generally pretty good at keeping your own commitments?
10:24 - Q Arty asks: Are you good at balancing your time?
12:52 - Arty’s solution to filling your free time when you have so many interests and want to do everything!
14:40 - Arty: “He’s been painting for 8 years!! How does he still have the motivation to keep painting?!”
Book Rec: The War of Art by Steven Pressfield
16:19 - Q Arty asks: Do you find that creating a schedule for yourself is beneficial?
17:06 - Q Xinyi asks: Do you feel like chasing productivity is detrimental to your mental health?
18:22 - Q Arty asks: Do you feel like chasing productivity is detrimental to your mental health?
18:49 - Xinyi: “I don’t necessarily think that productivity equals happiness. Chasing perfectionism just leaves you feeling unhappy all the time.”
19:29 - Arty: “Traveling to gain perspective and to learn to enjoy your time”
20:18 - Q Xinyi asks: where are you going in September?!
24:41 - Q Arty asks: You’re going to Mexico for 2.5 months??
Remote Year & WifiTribe
Lingoda for language learning (Spanish, French, English, German)
39:34 - Q Xinyi asks: what is this potential business plan you have?
45:34 - Arty: “I want to be able to provide a place where people can talk creatively. And feel creative and feel themselves.”
48:04 - Q Arty asks: Top places you’ve visited and what is the commonality between them?
55:37 - Xinyi: “The commonality is that while all these places are foreign to me to some extent, made me feel at home.”
58:17 - Q Arty asks: Given these cities are such diverse selections — can you pinpoint why they give you the feeling of home?
60:39 - Q Arty asks: Do you think the time spent in a city or the cultural context influences your ability to establish a routine?
62:02 - Q Xinyi asks: How do you define a stranger and at what point do they transition from being one to not?
63:34 - Arty: “I think it’ll always be an internal feeling of comfort…I could be an acquaintance with someone in 10 mins, where I could be strangers with someone I’ve known for years or months…Disclaimer: how you perceive someone can always be inaccurate.”
67:37 - Arty: “I do think though through art and other forms of communication, you are able to feel more deeply connected to someone where you don’t necessarily need to meet them.”
68:12 - Arty: “And I guess these tacked on labels of strangers, acquaintance, friend, good friend…they don’t undermine or establish the possible connection you could have with someone. I think in technicalities because words are so technical, there’s how we feel, connections of how we feel, and labels of how we feel.”
74:13 - Arty: “I feel like you can be deeply connected to someone who is just a stranger, and you can feel honestly not connected at all with someone who you’ve been friends with for 5 years.”
75:02 - Xinyi: “I love that you got so meta. That’s what we actually feel vs our language (which is just a tool) and an abstraction of our feelings and hence may not actually accurately portray how we feel…”
76:29 - Arty: “I feel like there is a negative connotation when it comes to that word ‘stranger danger’”
76:57 - Arty: “I think within strangers or people we don’t know we see a part of ourselves in them… And then of course there are the ones who are the ‘stranger dangers’…”
79:51 - “Everything is always based on what we see… which could be close to reality or really removed from reality”
80:07 - Arty: “We all have comfort knowing that we’re sane…”
81:30 - Q Arty asks: What inspired opening the podcast and what are your goals?
I am always so inspired when I meet people like Arty because they're just brimming with life and possibilities. As always, I'd love to hear if you had any thoughts on anything we touched on in the conversation. Please feel free to shoot a dm or leave a public comment and start a community thread @dontbestrangers on instagram! I will also link all of his socials in the show notes and associated instagram posts (if you want to reach out to him yourself) or I can always also totally make an introduction. Just reach out and don't be strangers.
Just as a reminder, anyone can apply to co-host an episode and if you were so gracious, I would love to hear your feedback or if you know anyone who is also passionate about making friends and community building, I would be floored if you said hi and/or even helped to make a few introductions. Thank you for being who you are and I just want to let you know that you make a positive impact on this world no matter how small it is, I promise you that you've most definitely changed someone's life. Until next time... let's talk again soon.
+ sign up for the email list to never miss an episode ✨☺️ dontbestrangers.substack.com
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w/ Wifi Tribe host Joe 🌍✍🏼🏳️🌈 the magic of journaling + asking: is anything truly frivolous or pointless? (008)
Click Here To Listen 🎧▶️
Co-Host: Joe Santini @savagesantini | Host: Xinyi Xan @xinyixan
QUICK LINKS:
Join Our Pen Pals Club 📮
Come Say Hi! 👋🏼 @dontbestrangers
Annnd we're back with episode 8 of Don't be Strangers. My name's XinYi and this is a series of collaborative conversations that focuses on sharing and learning about alternative ways to create agency in your life while manifesting deeper connections with everyone you meet. So in the last few episodes, I've mentioned that I would be doing an extended stay in Mexico for 2.5 months... well I'm recording this on my very last week of the first leg of my trip in the beautiful city of Oaxaca. And this episode is extra special because the guest is the host of our little coworking nomad group here.
This is the first time that I've ever joined a coworking nomad group and I could not have imagined a more empathetic, fun-loving, open minded, and caring host as Joe. This experience definitely wouldn't have been the same without him and you're about to find out why... We cover topics such as the (1) magic of journaling: how it's helped him capture experiences such that he can essentially time travel into his own memories, recognize patterns and behaviors, and overcoming a break up, (2) is anything truly frivolous or pointless?, (3) fomo (AKA the fear of missing out) and how it plays into travel, (4) a memoir he's currently writing, and (5) advice my future self would give me today. So this is Joe...
Timestamps
01:10 - Joe's personal intro
01:32 - Wifi Tribe
03:50 - Q Joe to XinYi: Over the weekend you wrote everybody little welcome/appreciation notes for their doors. What sparked this?
07:38 - Q XinYi to Joe: Knowing that you're a huge advocate for journaling, what are some of the most powerful experiences and revelations you've come to through journaling?
11:03 - Q XinYi to Joe: How often do you review your journals?
12:00 - Q Joe to XinYi: What is something you do that feels completely frivolous or pointless that brings you a lot of joy?
14:15 - XinYi's Excerpt: 📸 a love story about photography
19:41 - Joe: I think it’s very brave to admit you’re not a foodie.
21:53 - Joe's Mantra: "When your choices are rooted in your spirit, your experiences only propel you towards what is meant for you."
22:20 - XinYi's daily routine in Oaxaca, Mexico
25:22 - Q XinYi to Joe: Besides your memoir, what are some large scale projects you've taken on or want to take on that you think would be extremely fulfilling for you. Why? What about these projects ignites you the most?
29:57 - Priya Parker’s The Art of Gathering: How We Meet And Why It Matters
30:42 - Q Joe to XinYi: What is something you've learned this year that nobody told you?
33:02 - XinYi's word of 2021: Movement
33:41 - Q Joe to XinYi: knowing what you know about being a nomad now, does it make sense that Chicago is a nomad city?
35:42 - Q XinYi to Joe: What is the most thoughtful gift you've ever received? What is the most thoughtful gift you've ever given?
38:41 - XinYi's best gifts she's received
41:10 - Impermanence and Non-attachment
42:21 - Q Joe to XinYi: Journal Prompt - Pretend it's 2026 and you're writing a letter to yourself right now in 2021. What three things would you make sure to include? Be specific!
44:31 - Tim Ferris Show ft. Remit Sethi Ep #524: Ramit Sethi — How to Play Offense with Money, Plan Bucket Lists, Build a Rich Life with Your Partner, and Take a Powerful $100 Challenge
44:39 - Remit Sethi Podcast: I will Teach You To Be Rich
45:59 - XinYi: I always want to challenge myself... like, what am I missing? What have I not considered? And that's why I love meeting and talking with strangers and friends because you old information that my mind has not even accessed. We just need to ask the right questions.
47:07 - “Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.” — Bill Gates
48:31 - Q XinYi to Joe: How do you define a stranger and at what point do they transition from being one to not being one?
54:27 - Joe: I’ve been so inspired by the female experience, especially in the 21st century in which like women have to be able to communicate with one another in full sentences just through glances.
55:33 - Joe: Parasocial relationships — there's definitely some podcasters that I listen to, that I'm like "these are some of my best friends and they don't know I exist and I think that's ok!"
So before I forget, I mentioned something something about an extension to the podcast project involving handwritten notes. I have always wanted to facilitate a pen pal community of some sort so... so I'm in the middle of manifesting it. The differentiator between this pen pal community and others out there is that you'll receive a monthly postcard designed by me with a thought-provoking prompt inspired by one of the episodes on this podcast, you'll fill out that postcard and forward it to someone in the group. In this way, it's not a huge time commitment because the postcard will limit the amount you write (although you can certainly write more if you'd like), the nature of the project naturally vets for and connects you with people who you already know are into interesting conversation topics because they like such prompts/this podcast, and to top it all off you get monthly designs and a handwritten card. This is still a work in progress but I'd love love love to hear what your thoughts are.
Speaking of which, feedback, comments, and discussions always welcomed in this community. Free to shoot a dm or leave a public comment and start a thread @dontbestrangers on instagram! As anyone of any background can apply to come on to co-host an ep, this is my invitation to you to consider applying! Or if you know anyone who appreciates deep conversations or loves making friends, you should consider nominating them to come on the show!
Thank you again Joe for making my experience in Oaxaca so absolutely memorable and I'm excited to see you again in Playa del Carmen. If you'd like to get in touch with him to discuss more about journaling best practices or dig a bit into any of the topics we touched, you can find his contact linked in the show notes or on instagram at @savagesantini! Or if you want a personal introduction, remember that you can always just reach out, and don't be a stranger! Let's talk again soon. ✨
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