#don't feel like a she but also not icarus rn so who knows what's up with the brain. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

boxylocks · 3 months

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No Valentine today? I gotchu. *Pulls out my Ocs*

Take your pick, they're all up for grabs. Well, mainly Sirius... Silas and Valiant are both Aroace creatures. /lh

Goddamn. You wanna know what it would be like to spend time with ANY of these losers? No? I'm telling you anyway.

Silas

I gift-wrapped him for you, you're welcome.

Let's be honest here though you would have to 100% bribe him to spend time with you, what will you bribe him with? Anything sweet of course, he loves sweets and though he tries his best not to show it he will get very excited when he gets offered them.

Again he's very Aroace and touch averse so the most you'll get from him is a glare of "What the fuck do you want- stop staring at me." while he angrily shoves sweets in his face.

He doesn't do the 'romance' or 'attraction' thing because he doesn't feel anything towards anyone. He can however fall for people in a more platonic sense, only then will he actually give you affection.

Saying that he will never be looking for anyone to be with unless it's in a 100% platonic way, then sure maybe he'll be like "yeah I guess I sorta like them"

Would much rather spend time with people he trusts being around, he'd be trying to leave every 5 minutes to go find Lune and just vibe with him instead. So sorry you picked the wrong person.

Sirius

Would drop everything to spend time with you 🥺 Date or not date he doesn't care he just wants to spend time with someone who not going to insult him every 5 minutes.

This dude out here falling for any Pokemon who gives him the time of day or treats him with kindness. Man this dude is lonely, touch starved, and just wants someone to be near him.

Anyone could go try to romance this man and I'd be like "Cool beans, you go get your mans." He's Pan so he doesn't care what gender ✨

But, gotta say though this man is crushing on a Zoroark rn, his brain is a bit preoccupied with being a love-sick puppy over her. (Spoiler she doesn't really acknowledge him outside of work reasons, she is WAY out of his league, and good god she way toller than him) THIS IS LITERALLY THEM HE'S PROBS SMALLER

HE IS NOT GETTING THAT DATE FROM HER. SORRY MAN.

He's likely the best choice out of all three of them because he will spoil people he likes with love and affection, the others? Ain't happening at all.

Valiant

He'd happily spend time with you at any moment but yall would be doing puzzles all day for hours, he has no idea what else to do with mortals besides his favorite activity. Solving jigsaw puzzles.

Also Aroace, everything goes right over his head. You basically talking to an emotionless puppet that has no concept of love.

Again he can't feel love, and would never be with someone in the romantic sense. All you'll get from his boy is an unnerving smile and a "Why are we staring at each other? Is this a mortal game?" before he tries to get you to sort out all the corner pieces of the puzzle so he can put them together.

If you picked this lil shit, Hope you like puzzles!!

Bonus: Or alternatively...

... You could just comfort Icarus. It's really your choice if I'm being honest here.

Poor dude is still madly in love with his wife, he likes to write letters for her so when they meet again he can read them all to her and tell her everything she's missed. Fauna was the love of his life 💖

Don't worry ;; I assure you Ivy drags this poor boy out from sulking to spend some time with her instead of sobbing. It's the least his mom can do for him, she's sulking as well.

#ENTERTAIN YOU TO CRUSH YOUR HEART YOU'RE WELCOME #Icarus' wife is very much... yeah ;;#Hope you enjoyed babbling /lh #silas rune #Sirius Lunaria

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keeponquinning · 7 months

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i'm planning on posting my thoughts on each chapter i read of FLIGHT OF ICARUS because I think it's generally worth talking about, I finished chapter...seven I believe but let me talk about the things before that I didn't. I understand some of ya'll hate this book. That's fine. Just as long as you don't make those that do like the book feel guilty or one inkling of bad about it, it's all good. That's honestly the only thing disheartening about seeing the hate on this book, because I for one had been jazzed about it and it was genuinely bumming me out seeing so much hate for it. So like, idk, be mindful of that? However I will be tagging my posts about it — 📖 — flight of icarus — in case ya'll wanna blacklist, giving your opportunity for that rn. Being as fair as I can about this whole thing. I've never seen such a reaction out of a book like this, it's kinda crazy. we all here for a good time, guys. at least I hope so. I'll also be putting these under a cut, hopefully that works with mobile folks, idk. ANYWAY. Gareth and Chrissy thoughts under the cut as well as everything i've read thus far.

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS AHEAD!

first thing's first! let's give a round of applause to caitlin schneiderhan, because she living all our dreams. not only a professional writer and part of the ST writing team, but she got the holy grail of being offered a chance to write about our boy. like pls, i love that. i really don't mind the first person ( which from what i gathered, the other books like Lucas on the Line and Runaway Max, Rebel Robin are done the same? correct if i'm wrong ) but mostly it gives me and readers a chance to really be in our boy's head, read his thoughts and hearing his lovely voice in my head.

And honestly.... and some folks will probably disagree... From what I read so far, and what got me excited the most about this book... the writing really does, to me at least, don't have to agree, it feels very Eddie to me. Right from the scenes of Gareth, Freshman Gareth with the floofy hair and chrome mouth, being upset that his character ( that he didn't even make ) became fish food and Eddie being like, "...then we just make another character" because that boy was so pissed that he got himself, in his mind, kicked out and Eddie being the one like, "...no? After the gutsy move you did, there's no way we're not going forward without you" and taking moments of his time to help him create another character? And the glee Gareth had over it? Come onnn.

and cutting to that, one of the excerpts that came out, creating that character and being patient, as any 18 year old would be, and guiding Gareth to get that spark for the game, in creating a character from scratch, and all in a risky move of basically breaking into an empty classroom that they could have been caught in, just added to it. the fact that this act, seeing Gareth so into it, lifted Eddie's mood after Al came back was....ahhhh.

AND THEN! THEN!

The line that killed me, when Eddie asked him why he wanted to be in Hellfire so bad since he never played D&D and Gareth's answer being, "...where else was I supposed to go?"

OH MY GOD.

THAT FUCKING KILLED ME!!!

The start of Eddie the shepherd, herding his little ship. are you KIDDING.

Which then led to the whole Tommy H, which, fuck this guy. His cronies, including JASON CARVER and Chrissy Cunnigham.

DEEP BREATH.

I do love the talk of Steve, well after the breakup with Tommy and even what, Sophmore?? Jason being like, "Harrington won't like this" BECAUSE JASON IS A BITCH.

But can we appreciate Chrissy just not being for this and tried to PRY TOMMY'S HAND FROM GARETH????

I remember someone made a post, i can't remember who you are! If you remember, let me know! That Chrissy wouldn't have been the cheerleader that would be okay with bullying, i mean, god, her own mother bullied her all her life, and like, to that person, THAT MAKES TOTAL SENSE and I feel it was backed up with this.

I'm not a HELLCHEER stan per say, but I will admit, the thought is cute and there was def potential in my eyes but also like... I don't have an actual ship in this show, just like... I could see it and leave it at that lmao. And I'm not bothered by the thought of Eddie having a crush on her. It's clear if he did, it wasn't so much on the rising "queen of hawkins high" but rather the girl at the middle school talent show that, when he said his dad wasn't there, instead of making him feel bad about, little chrissy just went, "Wow, I wish my mom wasn't here!"

LIKE?

LIKE???

And even said she'd cheer for him when he played, like come on. whatever we feel about chrissy, i stand she was not a horrible person, and if she lived, probably an amazing person to see.

Fuck you, Vecna.

I do love that even when Higgins rolled up, she was like, "THAT BITCH IS LYING!" when Tommy tried to make it like Eddie was the aggressor. Because --

TOMMY H IS A BITCH THAT SHOULD GET PUNCHED OUT, WHEN WILL I SEE THAT.

But anyway.

I covered not as much, but Higgins is a bitch. Most of these adults need a slap. I so felt for Eddie, constantly being marked by his last name, by his dad. This grown man calling this 18 year old a felon even though he's never been arrested. I mean???

but can we appreciate that nothing got under his skin as bad as when Higgins essentially was like, he's a rotten apple, infecting everyone around him. Like Gareth? Like the only reason he was targeted bc he was in Hellfire?? Under EDDIE'S association???

I wanna hug him.

Let's roll back though. Since we done the Gareth and Chrissy bits.

Al.

AL.

I hate him lmao. So the new thing that came to life was, Eddie didn't live in wayne's trailer all his life, but it seems was in a constant yo-yo kinda of living between the house and wayne's trailer, especially when he was younger and Al would take off. It would make sense, as he got older, being more insistent on staying home and Wayne doing the grocery shopping( of spaghetti-o's and microwave meals! oh, wayne ) every two weeks and keeping an eye on him.

Bless anyone, again, i can't remember WHO that fancasted skeet ulrich as Al because i can so see it

this man screams — munson magic, no??

Also, Eddie saying he doesnt' have said Munson Magic? False, sir. You most definitely do. We've all fallen for it, hook, line and sinker.

also, I do love the complicated mess that is their relationship. The sight of his boots sending Eddie in a whirlwind, a near panic attack at having to see him again, but also even craving his attention. The fact that Al is inviting Eddie into one of his schemes has him conflicted because, "he never came for me, he could have asked his friends, but he came to me" like... my boy. Can someone hug him?? It's very realistic to have this complicated relationship, as those that do have those types of parental relationships could attest. I def could. ( neither of my parents were felons and doing schemes but def emotionally distant so :))) )

I craved for some wayne x eddie moments, and in part, i do, though with wayne it feels like he's def holding back. it seems to be of his nature, which I can buy, tho still offering Eddie a place in his trailer if he needs it. I feel like by the end of the book, this could change, i feel a def shakeup is gonna happen with Al and Eddie as he seemed dead set against his dad in s4. do not correct me if I'm wrong as I wanna find that out myself!

I love Ronnie.

I love that Caitlin gave Eddie a childhood bestfriend, though the angst of Ronnie having a chance out of Hawkins and Eddie feeling left behind but still happy for her. At least to her face. Another aspect that feels like him, not giving her shit about it, wanting the best.

I also loved the part where young eddie thinking she was his girlfriend and the disastrous first kiss that had him running away lmaoo like god. what a little goof. I love him.

another controversial take. I ACTUALLY LOVE THAT HE ISN'T A VIRGIN.

Listen

LISTEN !!!

This boy is gonna die in a horrific way.

I'm glad he didn't do so as a virgin, I'm glad he got to FUCK, he DESERVED TO HAVE HIS DICK WET OKAY. I'm glad. I'm happy for him. GO YOU, EDDIE MUNSON.

What made me sad though was the two girls he mentioned, it seemed they dared themselves to be with him, wanting a taste of the freak — which i mean....

I mean....

Fuck, don't we all...?

Wanting to find out if he a freak in the sheets as well in the streets -shot-

And ah yes, Paige....

I don't mind Paige so far. She like us, wanting a piece of Eddie, I can't fault her for that. When I found out there was a romance plot, or, well, most likely not true romance, I didn't mind, because I def wanted to see how this boy handles someone that wants him. The part where she made him feel like a person, or rather, liking him for himself was.... ouch, my precious boy. he would be so flustered around us, i swear to god

I do love that we get bits of the Hideout and Corroded Coffin.

And I'm gonna take a pause because like.... I love the set up that to get stage time, Eddie working as a barback there and like........ can we appreciate that.

Can we picture Eddie running around, hair tied up, sweating, maybe wearing a white shirt... Jeans.... Going from table to table, wiping it down...them forearms, twisting that slutty little waist for whatever reason, you're at the bar, having a drink, and he gives a smile...........

Anyway.

I always wondered if Corroded Coffin wrote their own songs.... AND THEY DO. The only downside I really wished it was the Corroded Coffin we know. I love Ronnie but I'm like WHO IS DOUGIE?? It makes sense, it's two years prior, but at least we have Jeff and hail the 80s where they don't really give a fuck if a minor is drinking at a bar lmaoo but i love he's nervous about it. Shroud Fire sounds metal af i wish we could hear it.

but all this leading to Paige. And her freckles. I love that Eddie, and even he himself calling it very Caveman like, that his mind went, freckles. This man has the Munson Magic bc he is a dork but he could get with ANY ONE OF US. He has no play, his brain would short circuit, BUT WE WOULD BE SO INTO THAT.

I don't know of Paige's intention, but I feel for her struggles at her job, getting the dream job but still having to try and claw your way to the top and it being difficult bc not taken seriously.

She def after Eddie. I cannot blame her.

Which lead to the recent chapter where he goes to her and is like PLEASE SIGN US. Her taking a chance because she needs a big break as well.... I like that.

But I def laughed when she was like, "God, you just want to get to Dave and I thought--" we know what you thought and you so real for it, Paige. i'm just gonna chant MUNSON MAGIC okay. it is part of my vocabulary now. that is what got us all.

THE MUNSON MAGIC.

So far, I do like it. I feel it's a really easy read. Will I take it as canon? Idk. Maybe. Or at least take parts of it as canon, aka the things I like, which seems to be the majority of it so far. I'm not a novice at books tied to shows I watch, or movies even. I was heavily into the star wars books that turned to not be canon ( rip, mara jade skywalker ) but it doesn't take away my enjoyment of it. Enriches it, if anything. I think that's the most important thing.

That's it for now. enjoy my ranting!

#📖 — flight of icarus #yve's rambling again oops #flight of icarus

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getallemeralds · 5 years

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So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

#leo chirps #leos reply #system shit #i dont think i covered EVERYTHING #and im not sure how coherent this is #but i tried! :D #Anonymous #ask #pat.txt

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