If you want to draw a parallel between Izzy and one of Ed's parents why wouldn't you choose the parent who believed the world was a certain way and could not be changed and that the best way to protect Ed from that world was to make sure he understood and kept to his role in it?

In honor of the impending return of Brooklyn 99, here are 99 reasons that...

1. He was precocious enough to know, at 5 years old, that he wanted to change his name (x)

 2. He has a bunch of nicknames: Sandy Amberg, Young Sandwich, etc. but the most endearing one is 'Droidy', his family's name for him (x) 

3. He is still super close friends with people he's known since: Elementary School (Chelsea Peretti) (x)...

4. Junior High/High School (Kiv and Jorm) (x) 

5. … Summer Camp (Irene Neuwirth) (x)

7.  ...and Film School (Chester Tam) (x)

8. Before he met Joanna, he dated other famous ladies but - out of respect - he never discussed it/them (x) 

9. He loves turtles and tortoises. When he was a kid, he had a pet turtle that he named 'Squirt' because the first time he held it, it peed on him. His Mom, Margie, accidentally killed Squirt when Andy was at Summer camp... (x)

10. … Maybe this is why, when shooting 'Popstar', Andy fell hard for Maximus (Conner 4 Real's turtle). He says they "had a good thing going" and that he wanted to adopt him. In the end, he decided against it because there are a bunch of coyotes in his neighborhood and he was worried the little guy wouldn't be safe. (Popstar: DVD Commentary)

11. Speaking of his Mom, despite being a super private person, he appeared on 'Finding your Roots' so that he could help her track down her birth family (x)

12. When he succeeded he cried (although we never got to see it on camera) (x)

13. That's because, like all good boys, he loves his Mama which is why - as part of the same episode - he said "My mom is basically the kindest person I know… and many people would corroborate that" (x)

14. Andy's Sisters, Hannie (Johanna) and Darrow, used to make him wear diapers and put his hair in pigtails until he was 5 years old. He says he didn't mind because he just liked that they were paying attention to him (x)

15. That's why he sees his identity in comedy as being 'America's kid brother'. When he was young, he would annoy his sisters until they laughed and he claims to have been replicating that approach to entertainment ever since

16. Although a bunch of his characters have 'Daddy Issues', Andy definitely doesn't. He's super close with his Papa (Joe) and has said "he's a good man" and "the best Dad in the world" (x) 

17. Joe was Andy's youth soccer coach and in one scene in 'Hot Rod', Joe's favorite photograph can be seen in the background. It shows a very young Andy posing with a soccer ball, after "scoring the winning goal against Mersey" (x)

18. He's been a loyal Golden State Warriors fan since he was a little kid, living in Oakland (then Berkeley) and, in 2010, he correctly predicted that they would "win a Championship in my lifetime" (x) 

19. The proceeds from his Umami Burger ('The Samburger') went to a deafness early detection program in Berkeley. This cause is close to his heart because Margie uses hearing aids and used to work in the special needs program, teaching deaf kids (x)

20. He, Kiv, and Jorm have made multiple donations to their old school district, including $250 000 to its theater program (x)

21. On the subject of The Lonely Island; Andy always goes out of his way to make sure that everyone knows how much he owes to his buddies. For instance, he told Marc Maron, during his WTF appearance, that "I get a lot of credit for what Kiv and Jorm have done" (x)

22. He makes this face when he knows he’s said something naughty…

(Gif credit: @andrewsambags)

23. During his 'Wild Horses' appearance, he said that he can't watch scary movies because they freak him out too much. He told 'Complex' that he's still scared of 'The Shining' (x)...

24. … Similarly, when he was at UC Santa Cruz he worked at the Del Mar movie theater and he had a hard time coping with screenings of 'Species 2' (x)

25. He fell in love with Joanna, the moment he met her, when she greeted him by addressing him as 'Steve the C**t' (x)

 26. He listened to 'Ys', everyday for a year, before he and Joanna started dating (x)

27. He bought the original portrait that was used as the basis of the cover art for 'Ys' and gave it to Joanna as a Christmas present, so that she could hang it in her music room (x)

 28. He loves birds and goes hiking and birding with Joanna (x)

 29. Every new comment he makes about Joanna becomes an instant contender for 'most beautiful thing a person has ever said about their spouse' (x)

30. For example, he readily admits that Jake's iconic heart eyes are the result of him thinking about his amazing wife (x)

31. There are many stories about how incredibly romantic Andy and Joanna's wedding was and Jorm has said that it featured "the most magical vows I've ever heard" (x)

32. The Newsombergs now live in Charlie Chaplin's old house (x)

33. On the Emmys Red Carpet (2015), the year he hosted, they took a momentary break from posing for the world's press to whisper 'I love you' to each other (x)

34. At last year's Vanity Fair party, Andy carried Joanna's purse for her so she could grab a snack (x)

35. He was a semi-permanent fixture in the audience for her recent run of shows for the 'Strings/Keys Incident' tour, even officially confirming his status as the 'President of her Fan Club' (x)

36. He used his Golden Globes monologue to call out the government for framing and murdering the Black Panthers (x)

37. On the Carpet for the Guy's Choice Awards, he called the event "a ridiculous farce", adding that "men already have it so easy - it's insane that there's a show that celebrates them". That makes sense when you consider that he, Kiv and Jorm have made an entire career out of parodying toxic masculinity (x)

38. He once said that only "idiot-ass men" think that women aren't funny (x)

39. He’s been wearing glasses since 7th Grade and he has the most heartbreakingly cute habit of nudging them up his nose, (especially when he wears his Sol Moscot frames) (x)...

40. ... and of rubbing his eyes under them (x)

41. He barely ever wears glasses for roles but he also avoids contacts (because he doesn't like touching his eyeballs) which means he's almost always 'acting blind' (x)

42. He has worn his glasses in character a few times - as 'himself' ('Lady Dynamite'), as 'Paul' ('I Think You Should Leave') and during a very small number of SNL sketches (e.g. during his one appearance in a 'Gilly' with Kristen Wiig) (x) 

43. He can't tolerate glare and when that makes him squint it's a sight that's too cute for words (x)

44. He owns about six outfits and has been rotating them for well over a decade (x) 

45. He barely ever breaks during shooting/while performing, so when he does it's aggressively adorable. (x), (x)

46. He's a grown ass man who persuades people to come with him to the bathroom because if he goes by himself he'll get lonely (x)

47. He didn't announce he was leaving SNL, until after his last appearance, selflessly choosing not to detract from Kirsten Wiig's huge and emotional send-off (x) 

48. He undertook a quest to smell like Lorne Michaels (x) 

49. He's ageing like a fine wine (x)

50. To protect their daughter's privacy, Andy and Joanna never announced that they were expecting. They've never released their little girl's name or date of birth and most news outlets still report that they became parents in August 2017 (even though that's inaccurate) (x)

51. Although he's careful not to talk about his daughter often, sometimes he can't keep from gushing about her. For example, when asked about his first year of fatherhood he said: "It’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Just like a beautiful, incredible dream. It has surpassed every expectation I ever had. It’s definitely been very blissful" (x)

52. After their daughter was born, Andy and Joanna spent the first 40 days at home with her (in a practice known as 'confinement'). He's described it as being "a really special time". (x) 

53. Andy is famously mild-mannered but, when asked about what triggers his 'Dad claws', he admitted that if anyone attempted to touch his daughter, without permission, he'd "probably sock them hard in the face"…

54. ...Characteristically, he went on to add that he hopes that never happens, since he hasn't been in a fight since 6th Grade (x)

55. Cyndi Lauper was his first celebrity crush and he plays her record ('She's so unusual') for his daughter all the time. (x)

56. His is the very definition of a precious laugh (x)...

57. It's made even more wonderful by the way it makes his voice go high-pitched (x)

58.  … and the way it causes his eyebrow to rise involuntarily  

59. It's impossible not to smile at his impression of his Mom (x)

60. And laugh at his impression of John Mulaney (x)

61. He was so convinced he wouldn't win the Golden Globe for Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical, that he didn't prepare a speech. Instead, as he explained to David Letterman, he "just went… and started drinking". The resulting list of improvised 'thank yous' was perfect in every way (x)

62. As producers, Andy, Kiv and Jorm have given life to some amazing projects ('Alone Together', 'Brigsby Bear', 'I Think You Should Leave')...

63. … and gone out of their way to support women in comedy ('Party Over Here', 'PEN15') (x)

64. As well as being a comedy legend, he's a super-talented dramatic actor, who gave the performance of a lifetime in 'Celeste and Jesse Forever' but, after the movie wrapped, and it was time to do press for it, he was straight back to goofing around (x) 

65. His lip bite should be illegal (x)

66. Even though he wears the same vanishingly small number of outfits, over and over, he has a vast collection of the most excellent socks (x)

67. He always gives 'editing notes' during his own interviews (x)

68. He has a super sweet and sincere way of thanking interviewers when they compliment him (x)

69. He adjusts his hoodie constantly (x)

70. The two most perfect Jake laughs in b99 are actually real Andy laughs 'https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W38A_xuXaeg https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sVm9nYrTWRQ

71. Virtually everyone who has ever worked with Andy has talked about what a wonderful person he is. This explains why so many of them have been involved with more than one of his projects (x)

72. It's not only his colleagues who talk about what a delight he is (x), (x)

73. This lovestruck fool wore his own wife's merch when he went out to dinner (x)

74. No one else uses the word 'dinky' quite like Andy (x). The same goes for 'snacky' (see point 70)

75. He does this with his tongue (x)

76. He still likes to play soccer but his eyesight is so bad that he has to keep his glasses on for it

77. When he lets his gorgeous floofy hair grow a little it sits perfectly over the arms of his glasses (x)

78. He gifted the world with Jakey's little curl (x)

79. At the James Franco Roast, he couldn't bring himself to be mean to anyone except himself (and Jeff Ross, a little!) (x)

80. In fact, he's always been willing to laugh at himself (x) and he still is (x)

81. He changes b99 scripts to make them more feminist (x)

82. Despite their humble insistence that they just benefited from 'good timing', the reality is that Andy, Kiv and Jorm (along with Chris Parnell) revolutionized digital media, when 'Lazy Sunday' popularized YouTube, increasing its traffic by 85% overnight (x)

83. He once attended the Vanity Fair party because his Mom told him to (x)

84. He has an amazing way of subtly but firmly shutting down inappropriate questions, like when this interviewer suggested that Holt being gay was something that could have been played for laughs https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=idQsYQfkR5o

85. He auditioned for SNL at the same time as Bill Hader. Hader thought he'd blown it because Andy had a bunch of props and Bill had none. In the meantime, Andy thought he'd blown it when he saw Hader and realized 'this guy doesn't need any props' (x) 

86. His bromance with Seth Meyers is one for the ages (x)

87. Every single second of this video is proof of why Andy, Kiv and Jorm deserve the world (x)

88. He once dragged Mulaney up on stage for SNL Goodnights, even though writers weren't allowed to join in (x)

89. He has a hilarious phobia of pooping anywhere except his own bathroom (x) 

90. His beautiful, beautiful, face: His smile (radiant), his eyes (caramel - hella disarming), his ears (adorably asymmetrical), his nose (perfect), His chin (the dimple… *swoon*), his jaw (could cut glass), The 'Sambeard' (another amazing layer of pretty) (x)

91. His body: His butt (x), his thighs, (x) his soft lil tummy (The ‘Sambelly’) (x), his hands. (x), his arms (x), his hips…

(Gif credit: @amystiago /@badpostandy on Twitter)

92. All signs point to the fact that, like Jake, Andy uses his glasses case as a wallet (x) 

93. Jake's "cool-cool-cool-cool-cool-cool" is an irl Andy-ism that the writers worked into b99 scripts. What's even better is that Joanna does it, too (x)

94. He has a really good arm and is low key competitive, which is super hot https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e32K_nBDy3Q

95. He's one half of the cutest Red Carpet pose of all time (x)

96. He barely ever seems to get mad but if angry Jake is anything to go by, maybe he should... (x)

97. He's a huge nerd, who geeks out over GOT, LOTR, 'Star Wars', 'Alien(s)' and anything relating to time travel (x), (x)

98. He has a gorgeous speaking voice, especially when he’s tired or a little sick. (Bonus points for any time he uses the word ‘correct’. See point 30) (x) 

99. He’s still so committed to his b99 fans and fam, even after all this time and is as excited as the rest of us that...

Nine months | foxxay

author’s note: after four months and countless hours daydreaming about writing this, it’s finally here. i had the idea to do something like this for so long, but couldn’t figure out how to execute it. i want to thank my wonderful, beautiful and incredible partner @remuspolaris for constant lovey feelings and inspiration. this is the longest one-shot i’ve ever written, please enjoy! tw for a little bit of medical violence / a tumultuous birth scene. the word count is 6,315.

check out more of my writing here.

"Do you think ants have feelings?" It didn't take very long for Cordelia to roll over. "Y'know, do you think they know when someone flushes their mama or daddy down a toilet?" Cordelia's eyes shifted in the dimly lit room before settling upon Misty's ornate rings. "It isn't going to work." Misty's eyes flashed from Cordelia's gaze to her hands and back again. "What's not gonna work?" the younger witch asked with a tiny frown. "This," Cordelia whispered, tears threatening to leak from her eyes. "Delia." Misty reached forward, taking the Supreme's hands in her own. "You have to stop doing this to yourself every day, Delia. You think I don't know, but I've seen you in between teachin' your classes. I've seen you leavin' the greenhouse." The Supreme's strong demeanor began to crumble, tears slipping down her cheeks. No test or doctor would be able to confirm it that soon, but Misty had to keep in mind that Cordelia had been through all of this before with Hank. "We performed the ceremony, babe. Delia, come on," she said with a soft sigh. It didn't take long for Misty to pull the older witch into her embrace and pressed her lips against Cordelia's head. "What if we did it wrong?" she wept. "Delia - we did everything. And you're the Supreme - you don't even get sick anymore, you should be able to do this." Cordelia nestled against Misty's chest. "I /should/ be, it doesn't mean that I'll be able to." Misty wiped some tears away from the Supreme's face. "You are so strong. Trust that you can do this, you've done so much already, Delia."

It had taken some time for Cordelia to calm down. "Misty?" she finally asked, breaking their silence. "Hm?" the swamp witch mumbled. "No. I don't think ants have those feelings, but the fact that you think so only makes me love you more."

1

Cordelia wouldn't get ahead of herself. She couldn't allow herself to get her hopes up. She didn't really want to ignore any potential symptoms and something inside her knew well enough that a simple blood test would pick it up, maybe even a drug store pregnancy test - but she knew she'd be heartbroken if it came back with a negative response. So many times during her marriage to Hank she'd convinced herself that it had worked. Every pill, every spell, every technicality. She'd longed for it for so long.

When Cordelia started to experience nausea, she brushed it off. Each time she'd throw up - usually at the smell of onions in the kitchen or soap one of the new girls had been using in the bathroom - she'd try to conceal it. Her breasts were tender, maybe even slightly bigger. The Supreme's health had been impeccable. She had been absolutely radiant since taking on the role of "Supreme". Logically, she had to know, but a teeny part of her doubted it - doubted her body and agonized that it would end badly and the thought of disappointing Misty horrified her.

During this time Cordelia had grown increasingly distant. Misty trusted the love of her life and did what she knew how to do best - be by Cordelia's side no matter what the outcome would be. She knew to never push Delia on two things; her mother and the baby.

2

Misty did, however, start noticing little things that didn't quite add up. It started with Cordelia's sudden aversion to onions and roses. While she'd never been crazy about onions (no more than the normal amount, of course), she'd never showed any distaste for roses until then. And not only distaste but absolute repulsion. She'd caught her throwing up at least three times. Cordelia tried to pass it off as her body's way of rejecting toxins after some kind of 'cleanse', because even Misty knew that Delia couldn't get sick - couldn't get sick anymore. The ultimate though for Misty had been one night in bed. After almost two months, Cordelia had gotten in an exceptionally horny mood and wanted nothing more than for Misty to touch her. "Misty," she grumbled. "Please," she pleaded. 'Shit, Delia. I'm trying to warm up first," the swamp witch mumbled, easily sliding Cordelia's bra off. It didn't take long for Misty to begin caressing the older witch's breasts, immediately noticing the change. "Delia," the younger witch said. Even though Misty couldn't say she knew very much about pregnancy, she knew things got bigger as the baby got bigger. First, the food, then the vomiting, and the change Misty could feel and see in Cordelia's body. "Misty, it's okay. I promise, please," Cordelia pleaded again. She'd never been like this either. Misty moved back on the bed a little. "Delia. I'm - I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I'm going to ask Madi if she can drive me to the drug store down there and I'm gonna come home with one of those test things and you're gonna have to take it," Misty explained. "Why?" the older witch asked. "Because I really think you're pregnant.

"You check it - I can't see the result," she said warily, taking a seat on the edge of the bathtub. Misty's hand picked up the thin stick and held it up under the light. She'd never used one and hadn't seen one in person before. Thinking quickly, she picked up the box, wanting to make sure she read it carefully. "Delia?" she asked gently. She turned to the Supreme, she hadn't moved an inch, covering her eyes with her hand - just wanting an answer. "We're havin' a baby," Misty confirmed. Tears filled Cordelia's eyes. She stood shakily, wanting to look at the test for herself. "I'm - we're," she stuttered, seeing the confirmation for herself. Misty wrapped her arms around her love, feeling the energy between them. "I knew it, I knew I felt this new energy," Misty insisted. It took her mere seconds to drop to her knees, trying to 'sense' the tiny baby inside Cordelia. The older witch caressed the back of Misty's hand, feeling as if one weight had been lifted off her, although she still had her concerns.

3

Misty's eyes shot over to Cordelia as she spoke with the doctor. She knew that tone of voice, those expressions, even the slight clench of Cordelia's jaw - guarded and reserved as if she needed to protect herself. When the older witch leaned back so the doctor could examine her, Misty extended her arm and took Delia's hand tenderly, pressing the lightest kiss to the back of her hand. She sat through the discomfort, grasping Misty's hand a little tighter. The doctor squeezed the cold gel on her abdomen, taking a few minutes to take a look for herself. Misty experienced a funny sensation within her just as the loud and incredibly fast thudding filled the room. Her eyes darted from the screen to Cordelia's middle. -"That's -" the doctor began to say. " - our baby's heartbeat," Misty finished. "Is - is everything okay?" Cordelia asked once the doctor had cleaned her up. "Everything looks perfect," she insisted.

Some of Cordelia's anxiety had been relieved by the appointment, but she still struggled to sleep so early on in the pregnancy. "Baby, what are ya thinkin'?" Cordelia's eyes shifted and settled in the dark. A small part of her still couldn't believe that they'd conceived in the first place, not to mention that it all seemed to be going so smoothly. "I - want everything to be okay," the Supreme finally spoke. "Why wouldn't it be?" Delia knew the answer to that. The older witch squeezed her eyes shut. "Fiona, on more than a few occasions, told me that I didn't deserve - that I wouldn't make a good mother," she admitted, pain laced within her voice. Misty's eyes softened and grew bigger, much like a puppy. "Delia," she whispered, taking her love's hand. "You can't actually believe that. You - I know how long you've wanted this. Of course, you deserve everything - especially something like this. Anything Fiona said, she said out of pettiness. She couldn't even be a good mother to you." Logically, Cordelia knew that what Misty'd said made sense. She'd worked hard to work through the pain and emotional neglect she'd gone through in her younger years. "I just don't want anything to mess up, I don't want to lose my chance," the emotional woman expressed. Misty leaned over and took Cordelia's hand without any hesitation. "You are going to be great. The hardest part is over," she assured the older witch. "Trust your body will help grow that little one. That's all you can do now. So, take your vitamins, get a lot of rest, and eat plenty of bagels, so they come out big and strong," the swamp witch teased, a playful smirk over her face. "I love you," Cordelia adoringly admitted. Misty leaned in for a peck and the two fell asleep.

4

The tiny bump came first. The tiny swell of the Supreme's normally flat stomach. Cordelia felt it one morning and had to do a double-take in the mirror. She'd slowly been getting used to not only the pregnancy but trying to trust her body's ability to keep their little one safe and sound.

Like most things in her life, Cordelia feared she'd lose what she loved the most. It'd happened with Misty before, and she didn't know how she'd cope if she'd suddenly lost the little life growing within her. Cordelia kept herself mostly sane, more so on the outside and continued teaching classes and studying spells with the younger witches - despite the rough morning sickness she'd been enduring.

"I want to show you something." Misty followed Cordelia into one of the vacant rooms; a study room. "A surprise? Ooh," the swamp witch cooed. Misty had primarily been on guard ever since figuring out that her love would be having their baby. Cordelia hadn't asked for much. She'd actually been pretty quiet about it all and that had a way of making the younger witch wonder what could be going through the Supreme's mind. Misty hoped good things - but she knew that getting pregnant had a way of reminding Cordelia of her upbringing and that didn't sit well with her. "I originally wanted to wait until this evening or maybe even bed-time, but I can't wait. Knowing that it's there and - I need to share this." Misty watched expectantly. Cordelia lifted the blouse she had on and set it beside the chair in the study. Misty's eyes zeroed in on the change as soon as she could see it with her bare eye. "Delia," she breathed. Her eyes filled with tears instantaneously. "That's our girl," she whispered. "Ours," Cordelia whispered in awe.

Misty started to fall asleep that night with her head next to the barely noticeable baby bump that houses and represented their unborn child. Cordelia threaded her fingers through the younger witch's hair at a comforting pace, feeling more love in that room that night than she had in her entire life.

5

Misty'd been growing increasingly impatient. The pregnancy stuck and Cordelia continued progressing at a healthy rate, however, the Supreme still didn't want to share the big news. She still worried greatly about 'jinxing' the whole thing.

"It's going to get harder to hide," the younger blonde reasoned that night in bed. "I'm not showing too much yet." Yet. Cordelia knew that being fairly petite would work against her. She'd show more once she really did start to show. "They'd all be so happy for us, Delia. Baby would have so many aunts!" The Supreme bit her bottom lip, knowing that Misty had a point there. "I just - don't want to do anything to jeopardize this," she said, moving a hand over her abdomen. "You're not. If everything goes okay during the next visit, will you please consider it?"

"I don't know if you can hear me, but I need to speak with you - to you." The Supreme's footsteps echoed in the vacant bedroom that once belonged to the redheaded witch. "I need to tell you something." Cordelia carefully took a seat on the bed, deeply breathing in the scent of the late witch's pillow. "It worked, it finally worked. We're having-," she began to say, before pausing. "We're - I'm having a baby. I'm having a girl and you aren't here for it," she admitted, trying her best to stifle her sobs. Cordelia's body shook as she told Myrtle about the baby, although she knew Myrtle would never answer back.

"I'm ready to tell them," the Supreme decided. The statement caught the younger witch off guard. "Now? Are you sure?" she asked a hint of curiosity in her tone, wondering what had caused Cordelia to make that decision after so long. The Supreme paced slightly, keeping to herself. "I told Myrtle," the older blonde revealed. The hormones had been getting to her, even more than earlier in her pregnancy. Misty knew the emotional impact that would have on Cordelia and also had a pretty good idea of what that meant for them. They would be telling everyone about the baby - and soon.

"It's a cake," Misty pointed out. "I know it's a cake, love - I just don't understand what a cake had to do with telling everyone that we're having a baby." Misty grabbed the utensil, licking the fresh icing with her tongue. "When someone cuts the celebratory cake - they'll see that we've filled it with pink M&Ms," the witch stated a proud smile on her face. "Misty Day - you smart lady." Cordelia kissed Misty's lips briefly, leaning into her side. "Anything for my girls."

Everyone looked around the room with expectant eyes, waiting for something 'big' that Miss Cordelia needed to speak with them about. The older girls; primarily Zoe, Madison, and Queenie had an inkling. Zoe had witnessed and taken over for Cordelia's spell practice after many bouts of nausea and vomiting so bad that she'd had to step back. Zoe had shared that news with Queenie - and Madison had heard Misty and Cordelia going at it many times during the night. And Cordelia didn't exactly not look pregnant - she remained small, but definitely looked different, no matter how hard she tried to conceal it. And of course, Mallory and although the young witch couldn't explain it for her life she'd somehow been able to sense the little life inside Cordelia from the mere second her heart had started beating. A nervous sigh left the Supreme's body, the same smile matched it. She'd been so fearful of something going wrong, so concerned that she'd jinx the little happy family she'd been growing for so long. Madison cleared her throat, an obviously annoyed expression on her face. "I have some news I'd like to share with you," the Supreme began. "Some of you have probably noticed that we've had some changes lately. Our Zoe has been teaching more and more of your spell lessons and practices - classes that I would usually teach. Queenie has been spending time with all of you at the breakfast table in the mornings, where I used to sit and catch up with you girls. Misty has taken on nearly all of the greenhouse responsibilities and has been checking in all of your plants and harvesting the fruit from our garden. And there is a reason for that." A few of the girls looked concerned, wondering if Miss Cordelia had fallen ill. The Supreme held her hand out for Misty to take it and squeezed her hand tightly. "I'm pregnant," she admitted. "We are having a baby in a little under four months, I'm more than halfway through." Misty beamed proudly at the announcement. Zoe stood first, hugging Cordelia firmly, but gently. "Oh my God, congratulations! You two deserve this so much," the wise younger witch said. "Thank you, dear." When Zoe moved to give Misty a tight hug, many of the other girls congratulated Cordelia too. "We know. You've gained weight," Madison bluntly pointed out. "Either way, congrats on the soon to be hillbilly baby," she said with a partially playful eye roll.

After announcing that they'd be having cake shortly, Mallory took her turn last. "Miss Cordelia," she said, a twinkle in her eye. Mallory had grown increasingly close to Misty and especially Cordelia in the time since she'd started attending Miss Robichaux's. She took the woman's hands, smiling brightly as her eyes settled upon the Supreme's bump. "I knew," she wanted to say. But she didn't. "I'm so happy for you both," the powerful young witch expressed, embracing Cordelia carefully - and as if like clockwork Cordelia felt her baby kick for the first time.

"Has everyone made a guess?" Cordelia asked. "Please tell me if it's a girl that you aren't going to name her after some sleazy Fleetwood Mac song?" Madison complained. Cordelia's eyes were focused on the cake, carefully slicing once Misty joined her. The girls clapped and cheered as the pink M&Ms spilled from inside. Misty placed a hand on Cordelia's jaw, pulling her in for a big kiss.

6

Cordelia had noticed the baby's movement increase greatly since they told the rest of the coven. Cordelia figured that most of that had to do with the fact that she'd told almost everyone and felt far enough along to let go of some of the anxiety she held within about something going array during her pregnancy.

Most nights the two women would spend planning their wedding; they hadn't gotten married in any traditional sense, but they knew they felt that their souls were entwined in every way. Still, somehow they both knew that they wanted that - and that they wanted their little one to be in the wedding, even if that meant asking Mallory to carry the tiny infant down the aisle as flower girl. "Roses, lilies or -" Cordelia lifted off, tapping the pen against her clipboard. "Chrysanthemums?" the swamp witch asked, nearly interrupting the older witch. She nodded, stopping to fix her glasses. "Cake?" she asked, studying the list she'd already made. "Pie or cake?" Misty asked, reaching up and carefully removing Cordelia's clipboard and then the pen from her hand. "What do /you/ think, baby girl?" Misty asked, placing one hand over Cordelia's tummy. Cordelia could feel their daughter moving inside her at the sound of Misty's voice. Misty had been feeling the baby move and had been taking advantage of the time she had to speak to their unborn child since the reveal party. "She's sayin' lilacs," Misty teased gently, a sly smile growing on her face as she looked at her love.

"And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills," Misty sang calmly. Cordelia slowly drifted to sleep before feeling a nudge from Misty. "Delia, what do we name her?" The older witch blinked slowly. "Our daughter?" The bright-eyed younger witch had her head beside Cordelia's middle and two hands over the swell of her skin. "What do you like?" the Supreme asked, taking a second to glance at the clock. She'd never shut Misty down - no matter the hour. "I don't think we should name her Rhiannon - I know Madi said that to make fun of me, but - I don't think we should do it anyway." Cordelia sat up a little straighter, moving her hand over one of Misty's. "Why, honey? You've always loved that name. What changed?" Misty shook her head a little. "Do you think givin' the baby a Fleetwood Mac or Stevie name is sleazy?" Cordelia furrowed her brow. "Sleazy? How can a name that means something be sleazy? Madison really said that?" she asked with a frown. "I just don't want anyone thinkin' she's weird. I always felt like that - my parents, the church - I didn't have friends or family growin' up. I just want her to be accepted and loved -" the swamp witch trailed off. "Love," Cordelia said, using her free hand to cup Misty's cheek. "Look at me. If you want to name our sweet, innocent little girl after Stevie, you know that with all my heart I want that too. We all know you had Stevie and the band when you didn't have anyone else. It isn't sleazy or even peculiar. It's simply you - and I wouldn't have you any other way - or our daughter, for that matter whether she's Stephanie, Rhiannon, or even Stevie; she's ours. Beautifully yours and beautifully mine," she whispered. Misty pressed a soft kiss to Cordelia's lips and traced her thumb over her love's navel. "I love you, Delia." "I love you too, my dear."

7

They'd both agreed on an animal-themed nursery - full of gators, giraffes, and other wildlife. Misty had a great sense of love and respect for all of God's creatures and wanted to feature frogs in their daughter's nursery too, as a nod to her past.

It didn't take Misty very long to set almost everything up, singing and swaying to nursery renditions of Fleetwood Mac's biggest hits - possibly her proudest purchase she'd made for the baby. She'd planned on humming it to the baby, familiarizing her with the soothing and gentle sounds of her favorite band instead of the modern music that quite frankly made her a little uncomfortable. And Cordelia never had a single problem with their baby girl learning Fleetwood Mac's discography while still in the womb - Misty breathed that music and seeing her soon to be wife bond with their unborn daughter over a growing love for Stevie Nicks warmed her heart to no end.

"I think I did it." The wavy-haired witch stood, wiping her hands on her dress and proudly placing them on her hips. She looked very accomplished and Cordelia found that so endearing. "Now what would I do without you?" The Supreme teased, rewarding Misty with a gentle kiss. She hadn't meant for it to progress, but before either of them knew it Misty had pinned Cordelia against the bed in their room. "Let me make you feel real good, mama," the younger witch nearly growled against her skin, nibbling and nipping at the tender are near Delia's collarbone before moving to her breasts - stopping and paying special attention to her sorest spots. "Do you have any idea how attractive you are, Delia? Oh my God," she breathed, peppering kisses down her stomach, stopping to press one gentle kiss just beneath her love's belly button. Misty continued with Cordelia's permission, of course, and slickly removed the older witch's underwear. A soft and steady moan purred from the pregnant witch. "Tell me if I'm hurtin' you," Misty whispered softly, giving herself full access to Cordelia's damp privates. Cordelia could hardly take the teasing any longer as she felt her love's fingers play at her most sensitive bit and the Supreme grumbled a desperate "fuck me" to her fiancee.

The two fell asleep that evening wrapped up in each other's arms, Misty's head against Cordelia's chest and a hand over their unborn daughter - Misty'd slowly fallen asleep to Cordelia's steady heartbeat.

8

The pressure against Cordelia's bladder had increased rapidly as the baby grew. She'd even almost wet herself after Queenie made a downright hilarious joke at the breakfast table. She frequented the bathroom - especially late at night as her due date approached. One particular night she couldn't help but pay attention to the soft music and then singing she could hear down the hall. A light illuminated the way to the nursery. She could see Misty swaying while standing on a chair, paint in her hair as she hummed along to 'Sara'. Cordelia smiled softly, her hand gravitating instinctively over her bump. Her eyes watched her soon to be wife, a loving glow in her eyes. "Ahem," the Supreme cleared her throat. "Oh good God, you scared me, Delia!" she exclaimed with a breathy laugh. "I'm sorry, baby. Come down off that chair - you have paint in your hair." Misty climbed down off her chair with Cordelia's help and leaned against her while the older witch combed through her love's curls with her fingers. She braided it slowly, rubbing Misty's shoulder after. "The room looks so wonderful," she commented, moving her hand back to her stomach. "You think so? It's not done yet - but will be so soon." Cordelia smiled, taking another long glance around the nearly finished nursery. "Come to bed, darling. It's late." Misty took her hand and the pair went to bed.

The next couple weeks included Misty working nearly day and night on their daughter's nursery and the free time she'd spent kissing Cordelia's bump or speaking or singing to their baby. "She's going to know your voice so well once she's out here with us," the older witch said sweetly, stroking her love's hair. "You think?" Cordelia smiled lovingly. "I know."

Even though most others would've started nesting by then, Cordelia seemed to grow calmer and calmer as the day drew closer. She'd be due in just a few weeks and the two had much to do. The older witch made plans for Zoe and Queenie to take on her teaching responsibilities for a while, and they had all the supplies they would need to take their daughter home from the hospital - car seat included.

"Delia?" Misty tried to conceal a big grin as she led her blindfolded and very pregnant fiancee to the nursery. "Is that?" Cordelia paused, breathing in the scent. "Fresh lilac?" she sniffed. "Mhm," the swamp witch hummed, a soft smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "One, two, three," she breathed, revealing the nature and animal-themed nursery to Cordelia. "Oh my, Misty - this is absolutely beautiful. It's -" tears filled the Supreme's eyes. A hand moved over her bump, and she shook her head. She wrapped her arms around the younger witch. "I love you, thank you." Misty smiled brightly. "Oh, I knew you'd love it!"

9

Surprisingly, Misty seemed to be the most nervous about the baby arriving. She spent each day compulsively checking on Cordelia, rubbing cocoa butter into her stretched and tender skin, and making sure that her love had absolutely everything she needed to prepare for bringing their little love into the world. She wanted Cordelia to be as comfortable as possible and would do just about anything to make sure of that.

"Honey? Where are those extra seeds? The springtime ones?" Cordelia asked. She got down off a chair in the greenhouse, wobbling a little on her feet. "Delia, you should be in bed!" Misty reminded her, holding her arms to steady her. "I just have a few more things to do, then I promise I will," the Supreme assured her with a gentle smile. "The seeds, darling?" she asked again. "Oh. They're at my shack. Do you need them today?" Cordelia moved toward the plants. "I'd certainly like them today if it isn't too much trouble."

Misty didn't know how safe she felt driving Cordelia around in her tender state, but she also felt relief at the fact that she could keep a constant eye on her. So, when Cordelia suddenly insisted that she /had/ to have a hot fudge sundae with banana ice cream, Misty couldn't say no. "It's very good, she loves it," the pregnant witch assured her. "Do you - why don't you just stay here? I'll grab the seeds real quick, Delia." Cordelia nodded, leaning back a bit in her seat. "Okay, honey."

"Ah, shit," the swamp witch cussed, cutting her finger on one of the paper packets. She turned the sink on to rinse off the small cut. In the car, Cordelia crossed her arms, feeling the usual pressure against her bladder. She shifted slightly and cringed when she felt her pants grow increasingly wet. She reached a hand to her crotch, awkwardly sniffing the liquid. Panic set in her, although she tried her best to practice normal breathing patterns. When Cordelia opened the door and finally stood, she felt a new pressure against her crotch that she hadn't ever felt before. New wetness traveled through her and when a gut feeling told her to check, she pulled her hand out from beneath her pants and saw the bright red blood. The expectant witch's heart began to pound with anxiety. Blood couldn't be normal, not normal at all. Cordelia could feel the blood pooling inside her underwear and even running down her leg as she stumbled into the shack. The pain grew quickly and all of the stress had her in tears by the time she got inside. "Misty!" she screamed, quickly discarding her pants and then underwear. "Misty!" the Supreme screamed again in desperation and fear. "Delia - I," she stopped in her tracks, suddenly fearing the worst. "Misty, you have to help me," Cordelia whispered tearfully. "Help me, help me!"

It didn't take much for Misty to carry Cordelia to her bed. "You're okay, it's okay. Breathe," the younger witch instructed. "I can't - oh God, I can't," the older witch whispered, beginning to sob out of fear. "Delia, I know you're scared - but you have to stop. Pull it together and relax your body," Misty snapped. Cordelia obeyed and started to relax her body. Misty had watched and taken part in too many animal births. She knew enough to know that if they had a chance - any chance at all that Cordelia would need to stay as calm as possible so that they could ease the baby out of her with as little stress as possible. "Hospital?" Cordelia whispered. Misty knew that they probably didn't have the time for that either.

This time Misty braided Cordelia's hair, wanting it out of her face. They found her a decent position to take some pressure off her back and pelvis as she labored. Misty rubbed her back and held her hand, at times remaining silent and other times singing - all at Cordelia's request. "I feel so weak, so tired," she whispered. "I know, love. Just keep your eyes open." The older witch shifted a little with the sudden desire to push. She didn't make a lot of noise and didn't have a lot of energy left to do so. "Delia, keep going. Keep going, just a little bit." Misty watched patiently and anxiously until the baby started crowning. "Delia, I know you're exhausted but I see her little head, baby, I see it," Misty encouraged her with tearful eyes. "R-really?" Misty swallowed hard. "Yeah, just - a couple more. Please, we're so close." Two big pushes and their daughter slid out into Misty's arms. She could immediately tell that the baby hadn't breathed yet and that she'd turned a blueish color. Misty started to unravel the cord from around the baby's neck, hoping that would do the trick. She felt like vomiting but knew she had to push everything aside and try to help their daughter. Cordelia's eyes began to close, entirely exhausted from all the laboring and the blood loss. "Come on, come on, you're a little fighter," she whispered, rubbing the baby's cold body. "Delia?" Misty painfully asked. "Delia, I know you're tired - but, please. Please, wake up. We need you," she insisted, bringing the lifeless baby to Cordelia's bedside. The Supreme flickered her eyes open just a little bit, needing time and definitely medical intervention to help her heal from what she'd just been through. "You're the only one that can bring her back," Misty insisted, nudging her pale soulmate on the bed. Cordelia took an unstable breath as the younger witch held their discolored daughter out in front of her. With one breath - all that Cordelia could muster up in her condition, a loud and fast sound filled the room. The exhausted Supreme's head hit the pillow with a thud just as their daughter took her first breath, a gentle cry leaving her tiny mouth.

"Well, Ms. Goode - that second blood transfusion really did the trick, huh? You'll be as good as new in no time at all." Misty sat in a chair right next to Cordelia's bed, her hands gently tracing their infant's skin. "Baby Girl Goode passed all of her tests. She is absolutely thriving." Misty smiled, leaning down and kissing their sleeping daughter's forehead. "You want to try breastfeeding again, Ms. Cordelia?" The nurse helped Cordelia help the baby latch on. "Misty?" she asked once they were alone. "I need to thank you. Without you - your calm demeanor when it mattered the most and your ability to help us, I don't know if she'd be here right now. I have always wanted this," she whispered, tracing the outline of their baby's face. "This is my dream, Misty," Cordelia reminded her, tears quickly filling her eyes. Cordelia's tone and words struck a chord in her heart. "Delia," she whispered, taking a seat beside her girls on the bed. "This is my dream, too. Seein' you with our baby is all I've ever wanted. I love you too - I would do anything for either of you. But really, you're the one who did this. You gave her everything she needed and just a little more," the younger witch stated, her eyes moving to their baby. "She didn't come out livin'. You brought her back, you brought her back." The words echoed through Cordelia's mind. "I think I know what we should name her," the emotional Supreme stated. Both women looked at each other with glossy eyes before their eyes settled upon their newborn daughter.

10

"And we really just couldn't stomach the thought of us waiting for any longer - so," the older blonde laughed. "We know it isn't ideal to have your one-month-old serve as your flower girl, but we've never been all that traditional, huh?" Cordelia asked, laughing softly as she turned to her bride. "For fuck's sake, cut the fucking cake already," Madison interrupted. Cordelia and Misty exchanged a look, smiling at each other again.

"Sorry, but she's fussing a lot, I think she's hungry again," Mallory explained, handing the baby off to Cordelia. "No problem, thank you, girls, for watching her during the wedding.” Zoe gave them a gentle smile. "Oh, it's no problem. I love my little goddaughter," she responded. "We helped each other, Mallory's really great with the baby, too." Misty smiled at them both before turning to her wife. "Are you happy now that we're married?" the younger witch asked. "I've always been happy with you, love. This one made me so complete," the Supreme admitted, gesturing to their daughter in her arms. "But without you - I never would've had the strength to do any of this."

Cordelia woke to a strange grumbling noise.

"Delia?" She rubbed her eyes rolling over in bed.

"Yes, love?" she mumbled sleepily.

The younger witch moved her fingers through her curls. "Do you think ants have feelings?"

Epilogue

"We got the cake!" Mallory exclaimed. "Oh good, thank you!" Cordelia set the party supplies she'd just picked up in the corridor. "Where's Lilac?" she asked. "She's playing tea party with Zoe upstairs. She's doin' a great job at suckin' on the little cups - I think she's finally getting more teeth in." Mallory began hanging the streamers with Misty when a car pulled up outside. "Stevie's here!" the swamp witch exclaimed, running outside to greet her. "You came!" the barefoot witch exclaimed. Stevie exited the vehicle with her suitcase in hand. "Of course - do you think I'd miss my goddaughter's first birthday?" Misty pulled the White Witch in for a big hug.

Madison hovered over the cake. "Remind me why you weirdos call her Lilac, again? She has a real name, you even wrote it on the cake. Granted, it's not the best name - but thank God it isn't Rhiannon." Misty smirked slightly. "Hey - I love her name and I think Lilac is a great nickname," Stevie interrupted. "This song is for my goddaughter, Miss Emmeline Myrtle Goode-Day." The younger witch smiled as Stevie began singing a much softer mashup of 'Dreams' and 'Gypsy' for the one-year-old. "I noticed you didn't touch Lilac's cake," Mallory commented, joining Misty in the kitchen. "I'm not all that hungry," she admitted with a soft smile. Mallory moved her hands to her lap, watching Misty as Misty watched Cordelia hold their young daughter on her lap, clapping along to Stevie Nicks in the parlor room. "You know - I knew about baby Emmeline before you even did, right?" the youngest and brightest witch asked. "It's possible that Miss Delia told me a little somethin' about that," she admitted, smiling. "You wanna know somethin', Mallory? You have a gift. A very special gift. You're already so damn powerful and that's only gonna get stronger as you mature - we both think so," Misty nodded confidently. Mallory's lips curved into a smile. "Misty?" the younger witch asked again. "Before Cordelia had Lilac, I could feel her. I could sense her heartbeat. I could feel the happiness that she would bring to all of us," she explained. Misty smiled gratefully. The young witch's hand found its way to take Misty's. She hesitated briefly, her eyes flickering back to Cordelia and the baby. "What is it, Mallory?" the swamp witch asked, feeling the rush of the younger witch's energy by her touch alone.

Mallory's eyes met Misty's again.

“You're going to have another baby. I can feel it, right now. Misty, you're pregnant."

Misty's breath hitched.

Mallory smiled.

Keeper of the Stars-3: Heart

Author’s Note:  A multi-part sequel to Some of This Isn’t Bad

Summary: Y/n was a fan of the Supernatural book series who wrote fanfics and attended the conventions. After meeting the boys through Becky, she stopped being a fan and became a hunter. When she shows up at a hunter wake, she doesn’t expect the Winchesters to remember her, and doesn’t expect the argument that breaks out between her and Dean.

Pairing(s): Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2944

Story Warnings: 18+ HERE BE SEX, DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!, fingering, oral (male and fem rec), protected sex

Chapter Warnings: the slightest amount of angst

By the time you pulled into the 'Stay Inn Motel', your CD changer had made its way around to your Zeppelin 'Best Of' disc, which Dean had flipped to hear. You parked next to the Impala and Sam greeted you as Dean popped your trunk. "Hey, Sammy. You remember y/n?"

"Yeah, of course. It's good to have another set of eyes on this."

"Oh, I'm just here to shoot stuff." You pulled your duffel from the trunk and headed for the office, where you secured room with a single full bed. You dropped your bag in your room and headed for the room Sam exited before. Dean answered, midway through buttoning his white shirt.

"Another body dropped last night. Sam hasn't hit the morgue yet. Wanna come with?"

You nodded. "Yeah. Gimme fifteen," you said, retreating for your room. Twenty minutes later, you were leaving your room, while pulling your hair up into a ponytail.

"Damn, those extra five minutes are magic, huh?"

You rolled your eyes at Dean and straightened your suit jacket. "It's Agent y/n Collins, by the way. So you don't fumble on what to call me." You pulled open the back door of the Impala and slid in. "What are you guys going with? Plant and Jagger? Bowie and Pert? Criss and Simmons?"

"Nobody wants to be Peter Criss," Dean answered.

"Young and Gibbons," Sam said, sliding into the car.

"Which is which? I don't want to get confused."

"You really do hunt solo most of the time. I'm Gibbons." Dean started the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

"It's a lot easier to just have to keep track of my own fake shit."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Well, it seems I miscalculated the time of death on Mr. Dylan. Sheriff Strucker found out the power went out in Dylan's house the night he died. It was back on by the time we got there, but there were several hours of him bakin' in his foyer before the Central Air came back on. He was attacked at night, I think." The M.E. nodded at them as the three of you walked in.

"That changes things," you whispered. They'd assumed skinwalker because the kill was a day kill. Now, it might've been a werewolf.

"Agents. Fancy seein' you in Burkhardt," a cheerful voice with a Minnesotan accent said. A blond woman entered the morgue, a large travel mug of coffee in her hand.

You smiled. "Sheriff Hanscum. If I'm not mistaken, Stillwater's about 50 miles Northwest."

"Y/n! Sweetie-pie, what are you doin' with Sam and Dean-o?"

"Giving new partners a shot," you answered, wrapping an arm around the woman.

"You know Donna, too?" Dean asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, yah. We met at a party at Jodio's place about six months ago," Donna answered.

"It was less a party and more the three of us having beers and plinking cans in Jody's backyard."

"It was a lot of fun. Y/n provided drinks, Jody brought the guns and ammo and I made cheesecake."

"Oh, my God, that cheesecake was so good," you gushed.

"I'll let you in on a secret: it's from a box," she whispered, loudly.

"No."

"Yep. Didn't have time to make it from scratch, but I didn't wanna show up without something sweet to munch on, so I hit the supermarket and grabbed a box a' no-bake."

"It's like Martha Stewart and Rachel Ray with guns," Sam whispered.

"Long as I'm not Rachel. Can't stand her," you said, pulling away from the sheriff.

"I like Rachel Ray. She's spunky." Dean smirked. "Seriously, Donna, this isn't your jurisdiction."

"Oh, no, but yer second body, Dave Smythers, I knew him. We went to high school together."

"Well, we were about to check his body out. Why don't you and y/n go check out the scene?" Sam suggested.

"That's a great idea, Sam. Call when you get done here. Let's go, Don. You got your squad car out front?" You headed for the parking lot and Dean was not subtle about checking your ass out as you left.

"Oh, yah. Right out here." You slid into the partner's side of the car and she smiled over at you. "So, did'ya meet them on a hunt or did Jody introduce ya?"

"I, uh, actually met them before I met Jody."

"Oh, did'ya?"

"Yeah. It's a long story."

"Yeah?" She pulled out onto the main road. "So, which one was it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Which one of those boys burned ya?" You looked over at her in surprise. "Betcha it was Dean, huh? I saw how he was lookin' at'cha."

"Donna. Come on." You sighed, running your hand across your forehead.

"Oh, you come on. I may not be some big bad hunter, but I got eyes and a head on my shoulders... you've done the horizontal Mambo with one of those guys and I'm pretty sure it's the bowlegged one." You bit your lip and looked away from her. "It was, wasn't it?! So, what was that like?"

"Are you seriously asking me what sex with Dean is like?"

"Yah! I've been wonderin' since he walked into my station. Man looks like that, but still managed to put down three powdered sugar doughnuts... If I weren't so sure I wasn't his type, and if I weren't so hung up on Doug, I would've tried him myself. So?"

"I was certain that I wasn't his type, too, but Dean doesn't seem to have a type. Not for one night stands, anyway." You turned back to her a bit. "I wasn't his type back then, not really. I'd never fired a gun or anything. Never done anything risky or dangerous. I was... not the type of woman who went to bed with strangers, definitely not the type to dig up a body and light it on fire. When I met the Winchesters, I was the kind of woman who wrote about other people getting to do crazy, dangerous stuff, but wouldn't even ride a bike without a helmet on."

"Helmet laws exist for a reason, ya know?"

"Yeah, but helmet laws aren't something hunters concern themselves with, Donna. Like concealed carry laws and federal impersonation regs. My point is that I was a pretty timid woman until I met them."

"An' how'd they change that?"

"Uh, Dean told me the truth about everything, all the horror movie stuff that's real and... then he took me to bed. He, uh, gave me his phone number before he left and told me to call and I only waited a couple days before I called." You clicked your tongue against your teeth. "I got his voicemail. So, I waited a couple days and tried again. I tried for months, putting more and more time between calls, less emotion in each message. During that time, I started teaching myself self-defense stuff. I bought a gun, took some martial arts classes at the rec center and started reading up on any lore I could. I started noticing weird shit in the newspapers and reporting it to him so he could go check it out. I still got nothing. Eventually, I realized that I was absolutely not going to get a call back, so I got in my car and headed out to Oklahoma to check out a case on my own. When I got there, the boys were already there. So, I stopped calling."

You chuckled. "And I started doing it, myself. If Dean had answered the phone once, I probably wouldn't be a hunter."

"Wow. So, he was good enough that you kept callin'?"

You laughed. "Really, Donna? I bare my soul to you about my damn past and you want to know about the sex?"

"Of course, I do! Come on, give mama the deets!"

You rolled your eyes, playfully. "Best I ever had, but if you repeat that to him, I'll deny it."

You pulled into the driveway of the second victim's house and headed in. The living room was destroyed, claw marks embedded deep into the wood floors and paneling. "So, what are you an' the boys thinkin' on this?" Donna asked, running a pen through the gash on the TV console.

"They were thinking skinwalker, which is like a... an off-shoot of werewolf, but not... skinwalkers are always born skinwalkers. It's not contagious. But this?" You indicated the largest claw mark. "This is a wolf. This feral lack of control... skinwalkers don't get that."

"Really? You done a lot of werewolf hunts?" Donna asked.

"No, but I've read 'Heart' a dozen times." You stepped over a puddle of blood to check the bedroom.

"What's that?" Donna followed.

"It's..." You stopped in the doorway and looked at her. "It's just a novel I used to like. Werewolf romance... sadness."

"Oh, like 'Twilight'?"

You grimaced at the comparison. "No. The werewolf was a woman in this."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah. See, her neighbor was obsessed with her and he was a wolf. When his moon came up, his animal brain ran with the obsession, tracked her and got his teeth in her so that they'd be the same. She didn't even know it was her when the men around her started getting mutilated. The hunters who came for the wolf... one of them fell for the chick before realizing what she was."

"How'd that end?"

You turned back toward the bedroom, which showed signs of a struggle, but no blood. "It ended in tears. How else?"

"Well, how sad was it?"

"Madison ended up with a silver bullet in her heart and the protagonist ended up with a metaphorical hole in his."

"He killed her? It wasn't her fault!"

"She asked him to. Didn't want to kill people every month." You turned back to her, shrugging at her upset expression. "Told you it was sad."

"So..." Donna picked up a picture from Dave's side table. "You bein' here, with Dean, what's that about?"

"It's... working towards forgiveness. He had his reasons for ghosting me, and it made me become... well, it changed my life, that's for sure."

"So, you think you're gonna..." She left the end of the sentence up in the air, but you knew what she meant.

"Probably. We're kinda perfect for each other," you admitted, picking up a brush from the en suite bathroom counter. "But I'm not gonna make it easy for him."

"Well, I'm jealous, but yer right ah course. You two look cute together."

"You don't know that. You've only seen us together at the morgue and we weren't much about the PDA there."

"Yah, but I saw how he looked at'cha. He's got it bad, ya know."

"Yeah, he ain't the only one," you responded. "But I can't just... I'm not gonna be weak just 'cause it's easiest."

"But... he's so..."

"He's amazing, I'm not arguing that, but he left me hanging. I can't- It's complicated, Donna," you finished as your phone went off in your pocket. You pulled it out and answered it. "Yeah, Dean?"

"Find anything at the house?"

"Claw marks. Pretty sure it's a werewolf."

"Yeah, we're thinkin' the same. Anything point in a direction to start looking for our wolf?"

"No. Just a lot of blood and gashes in the wood. Wanna head back to the motel? Donna and I could hit the hospital and see if anybody's come in with a bite wound in the last month or so."

"Nah, Sammy's got a rapport with the lady doc down at the ED, so he's droppin' me off at the motel so I can make more silver bullets. You and Donna done at the scene? You coming back?"

You sighed. "Yeah. Donna's gonna drop me off."

"Good. See you in a few."

You turned to Donna as you shoved your phone back into your pocket. "Silver bullet duty. Gonna stick around to help?"

Donna sighed, shaking her head at you. "Nah. I think you an' Dean need some alone time."

"Thanks, Don. That's exactly what I wanted you to say," you responded, sarcastically.

"Oh, you know me, sweetie. Always here to help."

~~~~

You sat at the table in Sam and Dean's motel room, melting silver jewelry down with a blowtorch. Dean kept looking over at you between gluing the tips in place. "What, Winchester? What's with the look?"

"What look?"

"The look! Like you think I'm gonna spill molten silver on myself, or something."

"That's not the look." He chuckled. "Sweetheart, the look I'm giving you is... I have known a lot of hunters and a handful of badass women, but not a single one of them could pull off the welding gloves and mask the way you are."

"Oh, so this is more of that predatory sexuality shit."

"If I'm the predator, does that mean you're my prey?"

"Maybe four years ago. But not today."

"You're gonna make this hard on me, aren't you?"

"Why should I make it easy? I was... this is not what I signed up for when I decided to become a hunter. God and destiny and..."

"Soulmates?" he asked, standing as you turned the blowtorch off.

"Don't even say that, man! 'Soulmates'? You know how ridiculous-" You flipped the mask up so you could glare at him.

"Chuck made you into my perfect woman! He picked you and wrote your story to put us in this exact position, and you're getting hung up on my terminology? You got a problem with destiny, I get that. It's bullshit to think this was written years ago and, hey, God has left the planet, so if you wanna go your own way... the door is right there." He pointed at the door and shook his head. "But I don't think you want that. I sure as hell don't. I've been searching for a woman like you since before I knew I was looking for anything."

"You barely know me!" You set the crucible carefully on a heat-resistant pad and pulled the gloves off. "I know all about you and all you know about me is that I used to write some good smut!"

"I know you're beautiful and smart and badass. I know you're caring and take risks and you picked up hunting in no time and have risen up to epic status in just a few years. I know you're amazing in bed and I've actually dreamed of the way you screamed for me." You looked away, embarrassed of the way your cheeks heated up at the reminder. "You deserve better than me, but that doesn't change how much I want you, how right it feels to want you."

"Don't say that," you whispered.

"What?"

"That I deserve better than you." You pulled the mask off and tossed it on the empty chair on the opposite side of the table. "I don't. How could I possibly deserve better than Dean Winchester, the man who saves the world?"

"You mean, Dean Winchester the man who popped the first lock on Lucifer's Cage? Who's started as many apocalypses as he's helped end? Who has had to watch everyone around him die, some people more than once?"

"Are you stupid? That just means you deserve me, not that I deserve better than you!"

"Then why are you making this so difficult, y/n?!"

"Because it's too easy for me to fall in love with you!" His eyebrows came together as you ran your hand through your hair, anxiously. "And if I fall for you, Dean, and you... you push me away like you are so good at doing, then I... I'll be... ruined."

He pulled your hands into his. "I'm not gonna push you away, sweetheart."

"You can't say that. You can't!" you urged. "You think you get people killed. You think you're gonna get me killed and, eventually, that's gonna make you push me away. Just like before, except this time it's not gonna be you not answering your phone, it's gonna be you sending me away. It's gonna be you putting me out into the world, knowing what it's like to love you and not being able to have it and that's not fair, Dean, it's not fair to-"

"Y/n, shut up!" His eyes were amused as he pulled you closer to him. "I will not push you away. I won't push you away because you won't let me. That's how Chuck wrote you." He slid his hands up your arms to rest on your shoulders. "Stubborn, smart, risk-taker who recognizes my worth. You won't let me get all dark and sad and push you away for your own good, 'cause God didn't write you that way. Right?"

You looked down. "I'm scared, Dean. I've worked hard, I've worked for years to be... and to let myself be vulnerable is-"

"Terrifying. I know." He smiled, softly. "But I know of a real good way to distract ourselves from the fear."

"No." You pulled away.

"Seriously?! I get you to open up and you still say 'no'?"

"I don't screw around when there's a hunt going. It's the 'Friday the Thirteenth' rule."

"Are you kidding?"

"No. It's bad juju. You know it is! Your first werewolf with Sam, he fucked Madison. Boom! Wolf. Oh, and your little Amazon story?"

"Okay, but... we both know that neither of us are the wolf."

"Bad juju, Dean."

He growled and pulled out his phone, putting it to his ear as he stepped away from you. "Tell me you've got something useful. Because I'm ready for this hunt to be over, dude, don't ask questions."

You laughed as you sat down at the table and started to move on with the silver bullets.

KITCHEN SINK TAGS @heyitscam99 @wonderlandfandomkingdom @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt @mrs-meghan-winchester @henrymorganme @lonely-skys @allykat2108 @mogaruke @flamencodiva @team-free-will-you-idjits-67 @pisces-cutie @paintballkid711 @natura1phenomenon @rainbowkisses31 @atc74 @alagalaska

HUNTER TAGS @letsby @mrswhozeewhatsis @adoptdontshoppets @spnskinnyballs @deansenwackles @gayspacenerd @thewhiterabbit42 @dolphincliffs

GAGA FOR GREEN EYES TAGS @akshi8278

Barchie, 4 kids under 4 (Future Fic)

“Yeah mom, the kids are great. Signed Fenix up for preschool so he’ll start that when summers over.” Archie spoke to his mom over the phone as he drove to work “How are the twins?” She asked Archie smiled shaking his head “They’re alright. Potty training is, well it’s going. Presley, well you know how much of a firecracker she is she insists on not needing any help. Parker, on the other hand, will only go if I’m home. I keep telling Betty we can hold off if she wants to but she insists since Fenix was trained at their age they shouldn’t be deprived of it just because there’s a new baby in the house “ he explained “And How is my newest grandson?” Mary asked, Archie, knew she was probably grinning from ear to ear “Fleming is doing pretty good, getting bigger every day. His 2 month check up is tomorrow. I’m going to try and schedule my lunch break around going so I can help Betty” he explained “How is she?” Mary asked Archie shook his head “You know how B is, she’s determined. I’m actually worried about her. Four kids under 4 by herself all day long. I’ve suggested hiring someone To help but she says no and Veronica has her new baby so for her to come over would mean another baby in the house which would be more stress” he explained There was a small pause “If you want I’ll take off work and come help for a few days” his mother offered “I appreciate it but Betty would never go for it. She keeps saying we had these kids I don’t need to make it someone else’s burden to help us” he explained A nervous laugh rang through “Poor dear, that sounds like her though. Her mother isn’t offering to help?” Archie let out a sigh “No, she says we got into this mess by having so many kids so close together we can get ourselves out.” He made a turn into the parking lot “Listen, mom, I’m at work I’ll call you later, love you” “Love you too sweetie, have a good day”

Betty let out a sigh looking down at her newest child—Fleming, after Ian Fleming the author of the James Bond series. It was her idea, Archie had named Fenix and Presley after the guitar and the singer, she had named Parker and Fleming after famous authors. Plus it gave them a theme of two of their kids having F names and 2 having P names. The 2-month-old was currently getting his “morning boob” as Archie called it while the other 3 were downstairs in the playroom. She had just finished feeding them their breakfast and hoped today would be an easy day. She smiled down at her baby, the past 8 weeks had flown by and she felt like they hadn’t been able to ‘treasure’ Baby Fleming as much as the others due to the craziness that came with his 3 slightly older siblings. Fleming looked different then his siblings his eyes were dark blue, unlike the twins who’s were a bright blue and Fenix who had Archie’s brown eyes. The baby had tuffs of strawberry blonde hair leaving them to wonder if his hair would get lighter and be blonde like his brother, darker and be red like his sisters or stay the color it was now and have his own unique shade since none of her babies had, had this shade of hair. The infant released her breast from his mouth then looked up at her. She smiled “All done, already?” She cooed “Okay Mommy will burp you” she moved him to her shoulder and began patting his back. Then she heard the pitter patter of little feet making their way up the stairs, the door swung open and Fenix walked in “Mommy!” He piped “Yes” Betty nodded toward her firstborn He set his hands on her knees “I’m hungry!” Betty shook her head “You already had 2 waffles” Fenix nodded “But I want a hamburger let’s go to Pops” “Fenix it’s not even 9:30 Pops isn’t even serving lunch yet” she explained Fenix tilted his head “Well maybe we can go at lunchtime and daddy can meet us” Betty slouched her shoulders, ever since the baby had been born and she had been on maternity leave from her job as a Crime scene investigator Archie had picked up a double at his job at the record label. So he wasn’t home as much as he used to be “I know you miss daddy huh” she ran her fingers through her 4-year-olds blonde locks Fenix nodded “a lot” She leaned down placing a kiss on the top of his head. Then there was a crash quickly Betty jumped up which must have startled the newborn because he began to wail. “What was that?” Fenix shrugged “Presley and Parker were climbing on the bookcase” he informed her “And you didn’t tell me” she spoke over the still crying baby she set him down in the bouncer hoping it would smooth him for her, quickly she made her way down the stairs through the kitchen and to the playroom. There the 2-year-old red headed twin girls stood surrounded by at least 30 books the bookshelf empty from them pulling all of them off and throwing them around the room “Girls!!” She pinched the bridge of her nose “Mama read story!” Presley said holding up a random book Betty shook her head and bent down beginning to put the books away “No, you don’t throw books you take one book off the shelf at a time ladies. Now help me put these books back” she instructed trying to teach the toddlers proper skills. The little girls were gathering books and aiding Betty. She had almost all the books neatly placed back on the shelf when “Mommmayyy” Fenix yelled from upstairs Betty rolled her eyes “Fei, we are not going to Pops today so don’t ask again” she instructed “The Baby throwed up!” Fenix shouted back Betty immediately ran up the stairs to the nursery, finding her older son standing in front of the bouncer looking at her younger one “See” he pointed Betty stepped further into the room and saw the infant with white spit up dripping off his chin. His onesie along with his arms, legs and the padding on the bouncer covered in white liquid “Ugh Fleming, I’m going to have to give you a bath ” she groaned carefully picking up the baby “He was crying then he throwed up then he stopped” Fenix informed her Betty nodded “Why don’t you go downstairs and entertain your sisters in the playroom while I bathe your brother” Betty suggested “Can I play my guitar for them?” Fenix asked Betty nodded “Sure whatever just don’t let them get into the books again and you don’t do anything your not supposed to either, okay?” Fenix didn’t respond as he rushed out of the room to go retrieve his guitar

“Alright my little handsome boy you are all clean,” Betty said as she finished drying off the fresh smelling baby on the changing mat. He let out a coo in response Betty pulled out her phone and quickly took a picture of the baby wrapped in a towel before changing him into a onesie. She sent the photo to Archie. She knew he missed being with the kids and tried to send pictures when she could of them while he was at work. She glanced at the time 11:30 she would need to start lunch for the other kids soon. Nap time couldn’t come fast enough. Cradling Fleming in her arms she went downstairs to the playroom. Letting out a sigh of relief. Fenix sat on the floor strumming the guitar while the toddlers watched on with glee. Noted Fenix was playing very noisily (he was 4 he didn’t exactly know how to play the guitar) and he also had stripped off his clothes leaving him in only his underwear (a habit her and Archie were trying to break him off before he started school in a few months) she decided to leave them be and not complain. She set Fleming down in his swing positioning it toward the kitchen so she could see him as she prepared lunch. She popped some frozen Dinosaur chicken tenders into the oven and cut some apples. Once the tenders were done she divided the food onto 3 little plastic plates and made 3 cups of apple juice She glanced over at the swing Fleming was sound asleep. Gently she moved the swing out of the kitchen so his older siblings wouldn’t wake him when they came to eat. Then she went to the playroom only to find it completely empty she paused in her steps “Fenix, Presley, Parker?” “Mama!!” She heard the voice of one of her twins “We here” came the shout of another little girl She followed the direction of their voices spotting Fenix in the Hall sitting with his guitar, still in only his underwear “Fenix can you please put on some clothes” Fenix shook his head “But mommy I already telled you I like being naked” he groaned Betty shook her head he definitely was his father’s son “Where’re your sisters?” She asked Fenix shrugged “They wouldn’t listen to me play anymore I think they went potty” Quickly Betty dashed to the bathroom “Damn it” she groaned, the girls both have their big girl underwear off, there were puddles of pee on the ground caused by one of both of them, they had gotten into the shampoo squirting it all over the bathtub “Damn!” Presley piped Betty shook her head “Don’t say that” she waved a finger “Girls why didn’t you tell mommy you had to go potty, I would have helped you” she stepped into the bathroom and picked up the empty shampoo bottle. The girls were clean but their underwear were soaked “I go potty for daddy” Parker crosses her arms and puckered out her lip “Yes, I know you do anything daddy says “ she rolled her eyes “We big mama” Presley added jumped to hug Betty She patted her daughters back “Yeah you are, I’ll take care of this mess later. Let’s get you two ready for lunch” she leaned down picking up both girls Betty entered the kitchen to see Fenix sitting on the table trying to eat his chicken nuggets with his feet “Fenix you are a boy, not a monkey, sit in a chair, use your fingers to eat and please will you at least put on pants?” She pleaded setting the girls down in their booster seats Fenix groaned sliding into a chair “Mommy you’re no fun” he grumbled Betty sighed as she hurried into the bathroom quickly cleaning it and making her way out just as the kids were finishing their lunches. Thankfully nothing had happened while she was gone. She unbuckled the girls, wiping their faces before setting them on the ground. Fenix wiped his own face and got up out of the seat. Barbara was beginning to clear the table when she noticed from the corner of her eye the twins making a beeline for their sleeping baby brother. “Oh no you don’t,” she said quickly scooping both of them up under her arms “You are not poking at the baby and waking him up. In fact, I think it’s time all of you take a nap” she said Fenix shook his head “Please mommy can I stay up?” He pleaded Betty looked at his big brown eyes as he fluttered them at her, a trick he definitely picked up from Archie to get his way. Betty sighed “Fine you can stay up, but it’s still going to be quiet time. You’re just gonna be watching a movie” she pointed Fenix nodded Betty quickly went up the stairs putting the twins down for a nap then come back downstairs to see what movie Fenix had picked out. ‘High School Musical’ she wasn’t surprised oddly it was her son’s favorite movie. She pressed play, once he was settled she went into the kitchen and began setting the lunch dishes away, she eyed the sink, the dishes from breakfast were still in there as well. The only thing she had eaten today was a couple bites of a cold waffle. There were 3 loads of laundry that needed to be done, the playroom was a mess. The bathroom could probably use a better cleaning from the girls’ mess than the quick one she had done and since Fleming was still exclusively breastfeeding she was up at least 3 times a night feeding him so a nap couldn’t hurt. She chuckled ‘Yeah right Betty a nap? Who are you kidding ‘ As if on cue Fleming began grunting, Betty made it into the living room and picked him up right before he began crying. She knew he was hungry so she sat down on the couch next to Fenix, who was now drifting off to sleep as ‘Get your head in the game’ played on the screen. She began feeding the baby, once he was finished she burped him then changed his diaper and set him on the playmat to do the crucial ‘Tummy Time’

Fred Andrews had spoken to his son and ex-wife this morning about how things had been going at his son and daughter in laws house. It was Mary who had suggested he come over. Since he got off work early and literally lived less than a five-minute drive away he figured it wasn’t a bad idea. He gave the door a couple knocks before it opened slowly. His grandson appeared “Papa!” Fenix said happily swinging the door open and jumping into his arms “Hiya Sport” Fred smiled ruffling the boy’s blonde hair “Where’s your mom?” He questioned “Shh mommy sleeping” Fenix held a finger to his lips Fred furrowed his eyebrows but stepped into the house, closing the door softly behind him. He set Fenix down and followed him to where he led him to the living room. There Betty sat on the couch, asleep. Fleming was on his play mat looking up at the toys above him cooing happily. “Where’re your sisters?” Fred asked “Napping, it hasn’t been that long but mommy is sleepy I think,” he told her Fred nodded and went toward the woman he had known since she was almost his oldest grandchild’s age “Betty,” he said softly shaking her Betty immediately jumped “Fred? You scared me. Did I fall asleep?” She jumped up “Oh God don’t look at my house it’s a mess.” She went to the kitchen to start doing the dishes until Fred caught her “Sweetheart are you okay “ Betty nodded “Yeah but I gotta do the dishes before the girls wake Up” she attempted to move but Fred continued to hold her “Betty let me help, I’ll clean or take a couple of the kids to the park for a bit. Whatever I can do” Betty shook her head “I can do it” Fred looked at her “How about this?” He dug into his pocket handing her a piece of paper Betty looked over it. “This is for a weekend stay at that 5-star hotel that just opened up on the upscale end of town” Fred nodded “I want you and Archie to pick a weekend and go——-soon.” Betty looked over the pamphlet “This is a package deal, I can’t—-we can’t accept this” she attempted to give it back but Fred shook his head “Sweetie I want to you to go you need it. You and Archie need a weekend of no babies or work or stress. Trust me, when you let life get in the way of your focus on each other it can be too late once you realize it” She knew he was referring to his marriage with Mary “But the kids—“ Fred cut her off “I already talked to Mary, whatever weekend you choose we will both take care of the kids together, we’ll even stay at the house so you don’t have to worry about packing bags for them” he explained Betty stared down at the pamphlet “Thank you” she let out a sigh before wrapping Fred in a tight hug. “In the meantime why don’t I take Fenix to Pops for a milkshake?” “Yay Pops!!!”Fenix exclaimed overhearing from the living room and running into the kitchen causing both Betty and Fred to laugh.

Want me to write about their weekend away from the kids?

Metal Slug Past Life Ch 19

Fio rubbed her eyes after that blinding light fade away from the scene. She took in the view and think hard about this place she's in. “Now I know where I am. This must be one of my early missions back when Papa signed me up to join the military.” said Fio. She walked passed the ruined planes and wrecked tanks and she screamed after accidentally falling off an edge of the cliff and landed in a small stream. She groaned and slowly got herself up and rubbed her bottom. “Ow, I forgot about this ditch here.” she said and she hears someone angrily yelling from the top of their lungs and followed it. Walking down the small tunnel, Fio gasped and saw who was doing all of the screaming. It was her past self, screaming and chewing out Eri and this is when the start of their friendship was shaky and Eri was her cold distance self. “You think I wanted this, Miss Kasamoto? You really think I enjoy getting shot at and having to be saved all the time when I get overwhelmed by Rebels wanting me dead? Do you think I wanted to be here to be nothing but a burden to everyone around me or being treated with kiddy gloves all because my Papa has a strong connection in the military, Ms. Kasamoto?” Fio have never seen herself this angry before and in the past, she has been mad, yes but when it comes to shouting at someone at the top of their lungs, this is the kind of anger that Fio barely does to anyone. She huffed out of breath and Eri stared out of shock at her. She opened her mouth and Fio interrupted her, “No! I never wanted any of this but I'm here just to carry on The Germi Military Family tradition. All I wanted to do is go to college, graduate, and pursue a career as a Sports Doctor and maybe raise a family too,” She slumped down against the slimy brick wall, not caring if she got her vest dirty. “But no, I'm here trying to live while getting screamed at by someone who hates my guts for being a weakling and “dead weight” to them.” Past Fio sighed and buried her face into her arms. No matter how many times Fio apologized to Eri about yelling at her in the past, Eri laughs it off and tells her that she's fine and not to worry about it. She even admits that she deserves it for being so mean to her. But still, Fio feels bad about it. Fio looked away from this scene while holding her arm in shame for this bad event to happen. “I'm sorry.” Past Fio looked at Eri and sniffed her nose, “Wh-What did you say?” she asked her and Eri spoke a little louder. “I said I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being a bully toward you, blowing up on you, and treating you less of a human being. It's the way I am, growing up with no family to love and care for you like yours and living on the streets to survive until the Government takes you in and groom you as their personal spy to help them kill people. I guess I'm saying is that I'm jealous of the life you have and how you're in touch with your parents all the time,” Eri looked away. “In the end, I'm not being human toward you.” Fio wiped her eyes and smiled a bit at her, “It's okay, I forgive you, Eri.” she said. Fio walked toward them to get a better look at her past self and Eri and sat down on the small wooden dock with them. She remembers all of this now. They got done with their mission and they were waiting for Marco and Tarma to arrive to pick them up. So they hid inside a tunnel made for ships and submarine to come and go as they please and found a small wooden dock for them to sit on and waited.   Past Fio opened her bag up and took out some sandwiches she made and Eri opened her bag and discovered a torn hole and all of her ration gone. She blamed it on The Rebel who tried to stab her with a knife and missed when she moved out of the way and shot him. She threw the bag on the ground out disgust and sat still, listening to her stomach gurgling out of hunger. Fio took one of her sandwiches and offered Eri one and smiled. “I don't get you, Germi. First, you're screaming at me and now you're offering me your food.” she said staring at her. “I'm not a monster like Allen O'Neil or Morden, Eri and it would be greedy of me to be sitting here, eating my food while you're sitting here starving. Unless you want to wonder out there and see if you can catch a fish with your bare hands.” Fio giggled at the fishing part. Eri, for the first time to Fio, smiled a bit at her and accepted her offer. “Thanks, Germi I mean Fio.” she said and took a bite out of it. Eri couldn't believe it, this is the best sandwich she ever ate in her whole life. Freshly baked bread with even amount of sauce spread on both top and bottom, the lettuce was cool and crisp, and the meat isn't dry and seasoned for flavored and cheese wasn't too gooey to eat either. She looked over at Past Fio who was already offering her a cup of tea to drink with the sandwich and was curious to see how that would taste and the tea was great. Not too sweet, not too bland either. It was just right enough to taste the fruits and herbs in it. “I didn't know you can cook so well.” said Eri, savoring the flavor of the food. Past Fio smiled sweetly at her, “My Mama use to teach me how to cook in case I was out on my own. She taught me how to bake cakes and do embroidery too. Which means I can sew too.” Eri swallowed, “You won't mind sewing up the hole in my bag, would you?” Eri asked her, being polite as best as she can to Fio. Past Fio nodded and already she got the traveling sewing kit out of her bag and took Eri's bag and went to work. Eri ate her food in silence and kept looking over at Fio. How could someone be this nice to her after all the thing she said and done to her in the past? She did have every right to yell at her for it. Fio looked at her past self and see the fine sewing craftsmanship she has done on that bag. Pulling the thread and making the hole close up nice and tight and then cutting the thread with her knife. “Here you go, Eri.” Past Fio smiled at her and handed the bag back. Eri finished her food and took the bag back from her to look at it. You could barely tell if there was a hole in it or not by Past Fio's skills. Eri looked up, smiled a bit and put her bag away. “Thanks, Fio. I better get used to your kindness from now on.” Eri said and Past Fio giggled, “Don't worry about it, Eri. I'm just helping out someone in need.” Fio removed a small tear from her eyes. It was funny how they went from bickering and Fio finally standing up for herself to becoming fastest friends with the toughest woman around. Then make friends with another tough gal name Leona. For some reason, Fio is the kind of person you go to get people to open up, no matter how tough their shell is on them. “So...What else can you do?” Eri asked her out of curiosity and Past Fio thinks, “Well, I know some different kind of medicines like acupuncture as an example and I can do ballroom dancing. I know it's not impressive to brag about, to be honest.” Past Fio laughed nervously. Eri raises a brow, “How does ballroom dancing work?” Eri asked “It's where people get together and dance to a lot of beautiful music. Here, I'll show you a sample.” Past Fio got up and help Eri to her feet. Fio didn't know if she wanted to watch or not since she recalled what happened here. She chose to cover her eyes out of embarrassment, not because of them dancing but it's for a different reason. Past Fio showed Eri where the Dancer's hands are positioned and told Eri where to take a step. Past Fio leads the dance to let Eri get an idea on how this works and soon she caught on following every step they took. “Yes, just like that.” Past Fio smiled and she can see Eri enjoying herself in their practice. Then the embarrassing part happened. “I didn't know you were giving out dance lesson, Ms. Germi.” Tarma teased and the girls stopped in their tracks and quickly break away from each other. “I got to admit, you two were dancing wonderfully together.” Marco laughed, shining the flashlight on them. The girls were blushing like crazy and looking away out of embarrassment. Marco moved the flashlight away from them. “But, seriously. We're glad to see both of you alive and well. Come on, let's get you girls home for the night.” Past Fio and Eri quietly nodded their heads and followed the boys back to the ship. “Fio, thanks for the sandwich. I owe you one.” Eri whispered to her. “You're welcome, Eri and don't worry about it.” Tarma up ahead of them was replicating their dance in the most amusing way possible and Marco gave him a friendly push to make him stop. Fio peaked over the tips of her fingers and sighed with relief. “Why did The Time Rift do that to me?” she said it out loud. The Time Rift around her began to fade away into the light and Fio shield her eyes again. When the light faded away, she was back in their room and the girls were still asleep in her bed. She heard someone in the bathroom and quickly crawled back into bed to pretend to be asleep. It was Eri, she sleepily rubbed her eyes and yawned and went back to her bed. She pulled the covers over herself and got herself comfortable. “Fio?” she said in a whisper and Fio rolled over in her bed to face her, “Yes, Eri?” She whispered back. Eri was quiet for a bit and she has a weary smiled on her face, “Thanks for being my best friend. I don't know what I would have done without you being like a sister to me.” and Fio softly smiled at her. “Same to you, Eri. I would be dead by now without your help.” Eri yawned and rolled to her side, “Good night, Fio.” she said in a sleepy voice. “Good night, Eri. Sweet dreams.” Fio replied back. It was barely crack of dawn when Ferdinand ran down the hallway and pounded his fist on The Major's door and having her husband answer it for her. Kevin was scratching his chest and looked down at the small man, “Oye, lad. You're so loud that you could wake up the dead.” The Irishman spoke. “This is important, Commandant Tarbh. You better wake up The Majors right away.” Ferdinand freaking out. Marco stepped out of his room while putting on his shirt, “What's going on now that needs my attention?” Marco said, half asleep. “We got a huge problem, Sir, and Ma'am. Last night, someone broke into the base and kidnapped Mr. Oguma and his grandson.”

AMA Transcript: A Lack of Armor

Last week, we held our first AMA in the discord chat with @amberlehcar​, @peregr1ne​ and @thesockswhowearsfox​, where lots of people stopped in to ask about their work on A Lack of Armor! Here’s some of what went down:

Q: Amber, could you take me through your process of conceiving/planning out this fic? What inspired it originally?

AmberLehcar: Oh man okay, so there was a post floating around that was like "I headcanon Soul as trans and here's why" and I just really dug it. 

Peregrine: Wait, was it mine? 

AmberLehcar: I don't remember who it was, but they said things like him being hypermasculine to appear more "manly." 

Peregrine: I did say that in mine. That's crazy. 

AmberLehcar: This was supposed to be for last year's Resbang, so I've kinda forgotten exactly what was all there, but it probably was yours.

Q: So what you are saying is that you and Pere were destined to work together?

AmberLehcar: Pere claimed me last year too! I had to back out after fic claims because life was becoming too much. 

 Peregrine: I mean you did come to me before that. 

AmberLehcar: I did ask Pere a lot of questions. I'm cis/het, so I had a lot to learn and was really lucky that Pere was open and willing to teach me along with being an overall great partner. 

Peregrine: I tried my best ^^; It's not like it was hard, just talking about myself pfft.

AmberLehcar: It was helpful though! 

Peregrine: I'm glad it was. Was there more you wanted to say about the process? 

AmberLehcar: I did a ton of research and was really invested in it. I see a lot of posts about the lack of representation for the LGBT+ community and really felt like I wanted to add. 

Peregrine: Yeah, lack of representation really gets to me, especially because what representation there is is highly fetishized and honestly i'd rather have no rep than fetish rep.

Q: For all parties involved, where/how do you feel like you grew the most during this Resbang?

Peregrine: This was my first event where I did more than one fic, so working through that was hard, but I'm glad I did because I really wanted both. 

AmberLehcar: I think when I've written in the past, I've been really "this happened then this happened" etc. It was a lot more introspective this time around, so I focused a lot more on the feelings of the characters and evoking feelings in the reader. When I tried to enter this last year, I got to like 6k words but really struggled to get there. With a new direction, I got to 30k fairly easily. 

Sox: Well, it was my first Resbang and the first song I'd written since I was....18 I think. Just managing to write and record the song was a lot of growth for me.

Q: Amber, I am always interested in fic titles. Did you come up with the title of your fic beforehand, or did it develop as the story was created?

AmberLehcar: Okay, so I take all my chapter and fic titles from songs or lyrics. But A Lack of Armor made perfect sense to me because of my therapy. A few times in therapy we'd talked about putting on armor that was representative of support and good things in my life. The song "A Lack of Armor" has a line that says "like a knight without his armor I don't know who I am" and this all kinda spoke to me and fit really well with Soul and his depression/anxiety. I came up with the idea pretty much from the start and it's been with me since.

Q: You said it was a Motion City Soundtrack song, right?

AmberLehcar: All the chapter titles are from MCS songs, because I am trash lol. But they sorta go with the mood of each chapter if you go back and look at them. 

Sox: Can confirm Amber is MCS trash.

Q: There's a sick playlist somewhere right?

AmberLehcar: I do have a playlist! https://open.spotify.com/user/1266385830/playlist/3xN37XwvUGsVqZNuhpRtng

Q: Most of the time it seems the usual characterization for the Evans fam is for Soul's father to be the 'worse' parent, either that or both of them being equally bad. (At least that's my view.) So I am wondering: was your decision to make Soul's dad the more accepting one an intentional subversion or did it just happen? 

AmberLehcar: It just sorta happened? I am not a Mama Albarn fan. Aside from Marie, there are no good mamas in the series, so I just kinda went with that. 

Sox: Blair begs your pardon. 

[insert chorus of screaming about everyone's love for Blair] 

AmberLehcar: Blair takes such good care of her kittens. Okay I lied, Blair and Marie are good. But yeah, I didn't want him to have absolutely no support from parents, and someone had to have taught Wes to be a good person. So Papa Evans eventually came around. 

Q: For Pere: was there a scene that you knew immediately you wanted to illustrate and/or was it difficult to choose scenes to draw? 

Peregrine: I definitely wanted to draw the first hug scene when I read it, when Maka was accepting, because the feelies. And then later Amber had mentioned how there was going to be a scene where soul plays his song for Maka, and I knew I really wanted to draw that too, but it wasn't written yet, so I asked her to describe the scene more for me in advance so i could draw it. She didn't have a solid idea though, so some stuff I made up, and she wrote the scene to fit my picture later actually ^^; 

AmberLehcar: Your art definitely helped flesh out the scene there, thank you. 

Sox: I love when Pete draws things. 

Sox: *Pere 

[Lots of people yelling about Pete] 

Sox: God damn it. 

Peregrine: The first pic with the hair I also just thought would be cute to draw, and then just for visual concepts, I wanted to draw the different stages of Soul as a bonus even if they didn't actually ever appear in the story ^^; 

AmberLehcar: That first pic with the hair cutting is probably my favorite. I love them all, but that just made my heart flutter. 

Q: Sox I have sort of the same question for you, did certain scenes inspire certain lyrics? 

Sox: Uhhhh no not so much. I tried to write around the Mood of the fic and I talked to a local Atlanta musician about her experiences being trans with a bad family as a kid and tried to fit those to where Amber had Soul coming from. (Originally I was trying to write a SoMa Romance song but then... it came out as a Self Love Fuck you Mom song). 

AmberLehcar: I'm glad it changed. At some point when writing I realized the fic was more focused on their relationship than him, so I tried to change it up. I'm glad the song evolved that way too. After I got one of the last drafts of the song, I included it in chapter 8 in case people were wondering. 

Q: For Amber: what made you want to put Kim as Soul's neighbor out of any other character? What made you want to do the neighbor sub plot in the first place? 

AmberLehcar: Representation mostly. I love me some JacKim and thought that having a grump next door that Soul ends up kinda befriending and/or helping would be interesting. Kim was kinda a weird facet for me to write through. As someone who feels everything 110%, being in love can be kinda scary sometimes, so her thoughts on love are pretty darn close to my own: wanting to love someone wholeheartedly but being afraid of exactly how deeply you can really love someone. 

Sox: I FEEL. 

Q: There's a scene where they're watching a Youtube video. Is that video significant to you in some way, Amber? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wWBLbQInqk) 

AmberLehcar: Not at all. I was talking with Brian about assignments for the first day of class, and he mentioned he had to do that exact assignment and chose that exact video. The song's not bad and the video is... interesting? 

Q: For Pere: What program do you use and whats your general process for art? 

Peregrine: I use FireAlpaca because it's free lol. I usually do like, a base sketch that's really scribbly and focuses on like motion lines, if that makes sense. And then i decrease the opacity of that one and draw the actual lineart on a different layer on top, and then colour. Very rarely I'll keep drawing on the base sketch and just clean it a little but that's mostly for more actiony gestural stuff, or highly detailed things where I'm not bothered about solid lineart. 

Q: How long-ish did each of your drawings take? Do you tend to draw faster when you're feeling inspired, do you have a creative process or anything? 

Peregrine: Ah, I never know what to say when someone asks how long it takes, because it varies so much. But yeah, usually a drawing will take a few days if it's something average and not like the fricking Pacific Rim art I did way back when, which took like a month. I can do most pieces in a day if i'm properly inspired but it's like: yes, I can get this done in only a few hours, but those are completely straight drawing hours - no food or bathroom breaks or chit chats to be had. Honestly the longest part of the drawing process is actually the sketchy first part because I need to plan it out perfectly until i can see the end product in my head and then i can start actually working, and that can take weeks. 

[insert group yelling about how great Pere's art is] 

AmberLehcar: The boys brought me to literal tears every time they updated me. 

Sox: Lies. 

AmberLehcar: EVERY TIME. 

Peregrine: I spent 5 hours drawing Soul's hair even though I finished the entire rest of the picture in 2. 

Sox: I just had a mental image of Pere screaming the lyrics to Maroon 5's "Misery" while drawing. 

Peregrine: That's me. 

Q: For Amber: what were your easiest/hardest scenes to write & why?? Were there any that were easier/trickier to write than you expected? Bonus: favorite scene to write? 

AmberLehcar: All of chapter 4 is crap and I'll fight anyone who disagrees with me. For some reason writing just general happy, normal life was really hard. The pain though, that was kiddy stuff. The first full scene I wrote was Soul's accidental confession. The idea just messed me up and I couldn't stop writing until it was all done. It's probably my favorite scene too, followed closely by Maka's acceptance. 

Q: You super did not write linearly. That's so cool, I have to go in order. 

AmberLehcar: No, I rarely do. 

Peregrine: Man it was kind of tough reading your drafts, tbh. 

Sox: SAME PERE 

AmberLehcar: I'm so sorry!! 

Sox: "How am I gonna write a song none of this is in order" XD 

AmberLehcar: I need to give people an instruction manual for how to read my WIPs. 

Peregrine: There were so many scenes that were like, great scenes on their own, but then I'm like wait, how did we get from point A to point ? Also, reading updates was hard because everyone else I've fic'd with was like 'oh just scroll down to wear you last read' but in this fic it was like... I know something was added... but where tho... 

Sox: Slide to the left 

Sox: Slide to the right 

AmberLehcar: Never beta for me, it's a nightmare. 

AmberLehcar: (That's a lie, please always beta for me, I need all the help I can get.) 

Sox: Yeah but working with you is a dream tbh. 

AmberLehcar: The nice thing about not writing linearly is that I could really easily work with my partners to add in ideas they had. I don't know that it was easy for them, but making it more of a collab that way was really neat for me. 

Q: Do you outline everything out beforehand? 

AmberLehcar: As much as I can. I derail if I don't.

Q: AmberLehcar, how did you decided where to put scenes/order them? 

AmberLehcar: I have an outline template I wrote up based on a youtuber's outlining method! https://docs.google.com/document/d/1eP73LMnphqEUn20mKd78_EB_qPlbXjklvkXLknxl5R0/edit?usp=sharing. This is the outline that I've been using recently, it's been really helpful. You guys are welcome to use it! 

Q: Amber, would you say this outlining method helped? Just in comparison to past fics etc. 

AmberLehcar: Definitely. I have so many incomplete fics simply because I didn't outline or didn't outline enough. 

Q: So was the end planned? That is the hardest part for me. 

AmberLehcar: More or less. It definitely changed a lot. I don't have any versions of the original ending, and there's still stuff from the finished product I don't remember because I literally finished at 3 a.m. the day of posting. I always have a very clear image of how the opening to any chapter or fic goes, but the end is always weird. 

Q: Do you remember anything from the first version? How'd they differ? 

AmberLehcar: I know the first half was a little different at the start of Resbang last year, but I have the worst memory... There was definitely supposed to be more NB Crona. Crona was supposed to be kinda the comic relief, making comments about their computer sciences classes that Soul does not understand. They named their laptop Nora and talk about it like it's a person. "Sometimes when Nora doesn't do what I want, I have to hit her" or something like that, make Soul concerned for this poor child. The "octagonal day" joke made it to the final cut. I think there was a scene at the end where Crona and Soul were supposed to be good friends after the "there's 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't." Because it's a math joke and a binary joke.

Sox: Amber Sox: Is Sox: A Sox: NERD 

Q: What was the funnest part of the fic for you to write, Amber? Or the part you were looking forward to the most? 

AmberLehcar: Writing Black Star was fun. There's a few one liners that I love. My favorite bit is when Maka asks for his name and the next bit is "Nervous. Stupid. Sweating." I needed that smooch like life itself. I played with them kissing when Maka apologizes and they made up, but it didn't feel right. So I saved a sweet normal smooch for the end scene. 

Sox: I literally cackled out loud on a train reading "no party like a floor meeting party because a floor meeting party is MANDATORY." 

AmberLehcar: That was one of my other fave lines. My goals for the fic were representation, make it as realistic as possible, and make people feel things. I like to think I did a good job? 

Sox: You accomplished all. 

Peregrine: Man the parents thing hit me so hard, you did a good job. 

Q: I'd love to hear about your process/writing rituals? 

AmberLehcar: When it was a scene I was particularly excited to write or just suddenly inspired, I can just sit and write. But most of the time it's me sitting at the computer with tea asking myself why I do this to myself and then I just make myself write. 

Q: Is there anything else you wanted to add other than more NB Crona, Amber? 

AmberLehcar: When Pere showed me art of Soul's physical progression, I kinda wanted an epilogue of Soul post surgery, but time and lack of confidence in writing it well... I don't think anyone understands exactly how nervous I was to write this. I waffled a while with "you have no business writing this, you are cis, please stop." 

Peregrine: Nooo it's cool because you asked. I definitely didn't think I could write trans Soul but I hoped someone would, if they asked and did it right. Which you did. 

Sox: One of my close friends is trans, and when I sent him Eden, I thought he was going to tell me he hated me. And then he didn't and I was v relieved. 

AmberLehcar: I definitely wanted to be as respectful and real as possible. Again, representation matters, and I wanted to help create a thing I hadn't seen done in our fandom. 

Sox: You did good. 

AmberLehcar: I'm really glad. I stalked the boys' tags on their work along with my own, and someone had reblogged Pere's art and was really grateful for trans Soul. I was glad to be a part of that. 

Q: Did you make any playlists or anything like that to get into the writing mood? Or headspace of a character? 

AmberLehcar: For headspace, Soul and I are very similar. I too am a bag of anxiety and depression trying to pass as a human. A lot of my college and therapy experience went into the fic. There's little bits of me in pretty much everyone. 

Peregrine: I have my trans boy song i listened to a lot pfft. It's from Treasure Planet. 

Q: Ooo which song Pere? 

Peregrine: I'm Still Here. If you look at it through a trans lens its super fitting. It's like my fave song ever.

Some additional post-AMA discussion: 

Q: Amber, I think that's a sign of a good writer, to take from one's own experiences and such. 

AmberLehcar: Write what you know, right? And what you don't know, you find out. The whole experience definitely gave me a new appreciation for the LGBT+ community, that's for sure. I knew some stuff, but I learned so much. 

AmberLehcar: To go back and slightly change my answer for difficult scene to write, while all of ch4 was like swimming in syrup to get written, Mama Evans outburst was so difficult to write. There was just so much anger and I felt icky writing a lot of that chapter in general. Writing Maka having to purposely misgender him hurt. 

Peregrine: I really liked the parents thing actually even though i hated it. It felt raw and real. 

AmberLehcar: So much pain, the whole time I'm just like "why would I hurt my son like this???" 

Q: Noticed you guys were still talking and guh I loved your collective art/story!!! I now know the gap between dimensions can't be breached because if it could I'd have reached through the screen and force-choked Mama Evans. I was kind of mad at Maka too though like... I can understand that Soul needed some time to himself, away from her, to really figure things out, but ;-; 

AmberLehcar: Yes! Maka was an interesting situation to figure out. 

Peregrine: Yeah I loved what you did there actually, because as much as I wanted her to be perfect, she wasn't perfect. 

AmberLehcar: I didn't want her to just immediately come back like "sorry you startled me, let's get married." 

Peregrine: As much as I want people to immediately accept me, they don't, even if they do eventually. It wasn't fantasy perfect world, it was real world. 

Q: I think... that's good. At first I thought Maka would be more likely to start off rough around the edges and then end the story gracefully. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that if you're going to relate realistic stories about trans people/anyone in a similar situation, you probably have to... I don't want to say "break the reader's heart" because that would imply that those stories can't have happy endings, which they can and should at least as often as any other kind of story, but it put me in Soul's shoes and made me accept how likely it is that someone who is trans/lgbt/otherwise oppressed will be badly hurt by someone they think the world of, someone who's hard to leave behind. I dunno if I spoke out of turn there, but i think it was an empathically-written story. In my inexperienced opinion. 

AmberLehcar: That's definitely what I was going for. I wanted Maka to be his closest friend, for his sake and for my shipping heart's sake. But she was just too good to be true when I was writing her, so her running away happened. I was so stuck after I wrote his confession, I didn't know how to have her react. But when I thought about some of the internalized transphobia I know I've been guilty of, it made sense to add for her. It felt real. 

Look out for some more transcripts, coming soon!! Thanks again to Amber, Pere and Sox for their awesome AMA <3

So we’ve gotten past the arrival of your Elf on the Shelf.  Now what?  Christmas is not complete without these cute little fellas in your home. So, all December long, enjoy the fun tricks with these Santa’s Subordinates in your home.

Your friends are posting all kinds of fun and crazy things their Elf is doing but, be it exhaustion, lack of creative juices, or what have you, you’re stumped.

Fear Not!! I’ve been there, done that!  So in the interest of parents far and wide who’ve struggled like I have to get the Elf juices flowing, I’ve compiled a list of fun Elfish ideas for this Holiday.  Some are from around the net, some from friends, and a couple – I’m proud to say – have emerged from my own creativity and have become a favorite giggle fest memory with my girls.

Don’t wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, realizing that you forgot to do something cute with your Elf – AGAIN – grab this list

Without further ado – please enjoy this list of fun Elf ideas!!

🎄  This Elf is as sweet as candy!  Literally!

🎄  Want to drive home that you can’t touch the Elf?  These little guys have Christmas Pox and it’s highly contagious! 

🎄  Most kiddos love magic and so does the Elf on the Shelf!

🎄  Tie your elf up in Christmas decorations!  This can only mean one thing: it’s D-Day – time to decorate the tree!

🎄  Your elf wants to be nice and snuggly, wrap him up in toilet paper.  Potty jokes are funny right?

🎄  This naughty Elf has been raiding the marshmallows! 

🎄  Perhaps your Elf has a beef with Frosty, or a rivalry?  This Elf was teaching him a lesson!

🎄  Set your Elf up with Christmas-y books open in a circle around him. It’s a great way to entice your kids to sit and read!

🎄  What elf, or kiddo for that matter, doesn’t like kisses? Set your little Elf in a mini kissing booth surrounded by kisses!  Get the printable by Living Locurto here.

🎄  Again with the potty humor? You Betcha!  Elfie, disguised as the Grinch, and some Stink, Stank, Stunk spray!

🎄  Set your Elf up to help bake some cookies with the fam!  Do you have a favorite cookie recipe?  Check out this free printable from Mom Envy to set up this Elvish scene here.

🎄  Again with the Marshmallows?  Heck yeah!!!  They’re yummy and look like snowballs!

🎄  This Elf is going to take his pet Dino for a walk. How cute is that?

🎄  Was it super noisy in your house? Have your Elf take a personal day for some R & R!

🎄  Get your Elf in on shoveling snow the easy way, cotton balls and a spoon will do it.

🎄  Some kiddos might need a little reminder to be good and do their chores.  Give yourself a break and make your Elf tell them!

🎄  This one take a little more planning but how cute are these Elf sized cookies!!  Get the instructions from This Mama Loves here.

🎄  If your Elf has a little naughty streak, you can set her up with a glue stick and a book. This little Elf is trying to glue your book shut!

🎄  If your Elf gets hungry don’t let him eat the wrong treats!

🎄 Because well? Sometimes a visual behavior system is just what the kids need to be reminded that acting like sugared up tornadoes will not get them in Santa’s good graces.

🎄 If your Elf has been super naughty, make him or her write lines – no excuses!

🎄 Our Elf loves to go fishing in the Bathroom Sink, and the kids think it’s hilarious.  The fishy crackers get a little soggy after a while but they get the picture.

🎄 Here’s another fun printable from This Mama Loves  so you can set your Elf up with his very own Marshmallow Dunk Tank!  Download Here.

🎄 Teach your kiddos to pay it forward while recycling… AND alleviate some clutter int he play room before Santa brings a new delivery!

🎄 Here’s a simple but funny Elf set up.  All Elves love Googly Eyes!

🎄 Get your kids out the door to school faster by letting your Elf ride in the car to see their school.  Make sure you have an extra seat belt available. 😉

🎄 This one is quite impressive and takes a bit more effort.  If you can get this one done in early in the month, you can reuse some of the paper to do your gift wrapping.

🎄 Say Cheese!  Your Elf is now a photographer. Line up some of your kiddo’s favorite toys for a bit of Elf photography.

🎄 Another variation, getting your Elf all rolled up.  If you need a really easy option that takes almost no planning or prep. This toilet roll scenario is pretty perfect.

🎄 Elvin Taco Tuesday – Let’s Taco’bout it! This is kinda fun. We love taco night in our house, and so does our Elf!

🎄 This Elf in a balloon will amaze your little ones as they try and work out how the Elf got inside. Take care not to pop the balloon in the process though, because you don’t want your kiddos waking up with a fright late at night and coming to investigate.

🎄 Sometimes you need to give the little people a friendly Elf reminder to be nice instead of naughty.

🎄 This is a fun idea if you have more than one Elf in your house, or if you want to get your other favorite toys involved.  Send them out to a sac race!

🎄 Bath time is important, even if you are an Elf. Use cotton balls to give your Elf a good bubble bath.  Your dollhouse or Barbie bath is the perfect size.

🎄 Sometimes our Elf likes to just hike up the tree and hang out with the angel. Just hanging about and making friends with the other festive character in the house. This is a quick and easy last-minute Elf move.

🎄 This Elf balloon ride might require a few extra props that you don’t already have laying around at home.  You can go all out, or keep it simpler, the choice is yours.

🎄 We love My Little Pony’s! Dashing through the snow, with a bunch of My Little Pony friends…

🎄 Nutcrackers are a staple at Christmas time. Grab a regal outfit for your Elf while he hangs out with some of her Nutcracker peeps.

🎄 Get into the spirit of baking. A messy but fun idea is to write your Elf’s name in flour on the kitchen counter. Make sure you time it on a day you don’t need to use that area!

🎄 This is probably my kiddos favorite Elf prank so far.  We’ve done a few variations (family underwear collection pictured below), but the favorite was when Else, our Elf stole the girl’s underwear and hung them all over the tree.  They could not stop giggling every time they passed the tree.

🎄 Make use of you festive decorations with simple scenarios like this one. These reindeer have featured in many an Elf encounter over the years.

🎄 Similar to the cotton ball bubble bath from earlier, this bauble bath is a fun festive twist.

🎄 Sometimes it happens, someone touches the Elf.  Have your Elf bring some Magic Elf Dust just in case so you can keep the Elfish fun alive.

🎄 Your Elf can give the kiddos a not so subtle reminder to be good listeners this year!

🎄 Play Hide and Seak with your Elf!  If you need something quick, hide and seek is the easiest thing ever and there are so many places for the elves to hide in the house.

🎄 If your Elf is feeling under the weather, make sure you set him up with the proper items to help him get to feeling better!

🎄 If you’re itching for a fun craft project to put out with your Elf, check out this tutorial from Make Life Lovely for a cute little Elf Door.

🎄 Perhaps your Elf needs a little speed. Grab some legos and matchbox cars or hot-wheels and let him go for a car race.

🎄 Do you want to build a snowman? Your Elf does!!

🎄 Is your Elf an adrenaline junkie? Check out this cute DIY Lego Zipline from Mama Cheaps.  Tutorial here.

🎄 The Elf on the Shelf is a Jack (or Jill) of all trades, and today she’s a painter.

🎄 ‘Nuf said for this Elf! LOL

🎄 Another Poo reference!

🎄 This Batman Elf  has got things handled.

🎄 It’s the attack of the Lego People!!  

🎄 If your Elf is feeling a bit lonely send him out on a date with Barbie… no curfew. 

🎄 Elves love doing the magic egg trick!!

🎄 Another fun Elf zipline adventure.  This one is a little more simple and easy to set up.

🎄 This Elf decided to help with chores.  Way to get going on the laundry!

🎄 This set up cracks me up and is such a cute idea. I love the little Elf Illustrated magazine he’s enjoying while sunbathing.

🎄 Need another use for all those tupperware lids? Why not let the Elf take a sledding ride?

🎄 If you need to rope your kids into helping string lights, let the elf show you how it’s done.

🎄 This cute idea shows a fun way to get Elsa from Frozen involved. Watch out though, you’ll need to thaw your Elf after.  Or you could just Let it go…

🎄 Everyone loves a good game of angry birds… even Christmas Elves.

🎄 Yup it’s messy, but if you’re looking for an inexpensive activity for your Elf that will make the kiddos crack up, try making snow angels in flower on the countertop.

🎄 Does your Elf have a 5 o’clock shadow? Set this up for your kids to find in the morning.

🎄 This scene cracks me up every time. A good rescue mission might be in order here. Set the scene with some army figurines and blue painters tape.

🎄 Drawing on your family photos with dry erase markers is certainly one of the Elf’s more mischievous tricks.

🎄 Everyone loves watching Christmas movies, don’t leave out your Elf!

🎄 Here’s another fun way to dress up a family photo…  Rudolph style.

🎄 Ummmm…. Someone got their hand stuck in the cookie jar.  Or more aptly, in the M&M bag.  Naughty Elf.

🎄 TPing the Christmas tree.

🎄 Boy those reindeer make a mess!

🎄 This. Is. Adorable.  If you are a Harry Potter fan, or have kids that are, make sure your Elf has a day to be Harry this Holiday.

🎄 Do I need to put a caption? 

🎄  Get your Elves into the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.  It’s the Elf Bucket Challenge.

🎄 Recycle those old Pringles containers and let your Elf wear it for a day.

🎄 Have your Elf bring the kiddos a Gingerbread House Kit!

🎄 Hide and Seek!  Your Elf fits perfectly in the silverware drawer.

🎄 Is your Elf a joker? Ours is!

🎄 This Elf idea is so fun and your kids will love it.

🎄 Tie your Elf up and let the kiddos rescue him from the train!

🎄 Just let your Elf hang around.

🎄 Don’t do this one unless you have another toilet to use!

🎄 Our Elf usually ends up in the laundry at least once a year.

🎄 If your Elf likes to live on the edge, perhaps he likes to Rock – or bow – climb.

🎄 With all that candy and marshmallow consumption, perhaps your Elf needs a good workout.

🎄 This idea is hilarious.  Use washable markers to draw funny faces on your kiddos.  Or use a red marker and give them a Rudolph nose.  

🎄 HOT DOG that’s a clever Elf.

🎄 For those of you who have stuck it out until the very end, I’ve compiled a little slideshow of completely inappropriate but hilarious Elf on the Shelf scenes.  View with caution!

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Got some ideas we didn’t cover?  Make sure to share them with us below!!!

  If you enjoyed this blog post, please reach out to me.  I love giving FREE consultations!

I want a free consultation!

  All The Elf On The Shelf Ideas You Need This Holiday! So we've gotten past the arrival of your Elf on the Shelf.  Now what?  Christmas is not complete without these cute little fellas in your home.