my little sibling (12) recently came out as bi + transmasc and has found a lot of queer spaces both online and offline, which seemed to be great for him, but im worried their queer friend groups are not a healthy environment. like, recently he’s been making “jokes” about how women are beautiful and men are ugly and they wishes he was only attracted to women, or how boys are the worst. ive known they were learning a lot of “men suck” rhetoric already since he told me that shit when i came out as transmasc, but now im recognizing that rhetoric is leading to them having internalized transandrophobia + biphobia and i think he needs healthier friends, except they 100% will not listen if i tell him who they should hang out with. idk what to do but i want him to get out of that toxic transandrophobic environment before he internalizes too much of it. advice would be appreciated.

I think what I would do in this situation is start by introducing them to healthier, positive views on men & masculinity. Things like queer men talking about their attraction, positive takes on transmasculinity, stories about men being good people & healthy masculinity, even just people being unashamed about being attracted to men. Maybe showing him things in bi history that talk about bi masculine people & bi love for masculine people, as well as transmasculine history which talks loving transmasculinity. Having a solid, positive connection to masculinity makes it easier to feel how antimasculism hurts people. You could also bring up in conversation ways in which "men suck" rhetoric has been hurtful- maybe specifically start with butches, transmascs, trans people who were amab, because those are groups trans-positive people with antimasculist views tend to view with more sympathy, and it makes it easier to not get derailed with "cishet men aren't oppresed!" arguments and focus on the most impactful harm antimasculism does. You could mention how you've been hurt by it, or how others have repressed their identity because of it, or maybe send them Jennifer Coates' essay which heavily discusses the impact of antimasculism from a closeted trans woman's perspective.

In general, I'd avoid approaching them from the angle of "This Is Bad", and try to naturally produce a conversation where he can, for themself, question those antimasculist views and how they hurt people he cares for, as well as themself. I've mentioned this before in other scenarios, but interacting with other transmascs personally is so helpful for dealing with internalized transandrophobia. Idk what their friend group is like, but introducing him to transmasc-specific/centered spaces (online or offline) that talk positively about masculinity would not only help challenge those beliefs, but also make potentially dropping friends less intimidating because there would be other people they know would support him. Ik a lot of people have been very in that mindset from a young age and changed a lot as they grew and questioned & grew their views on gender, so if nothing else, making sure they have a source of positive masculinity in their life could be helpful in giving them the exposure they need to question those views themself.