#cs fanfictio
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Dodgeball
Notes: My best friend in all of the internet and fic soulmate literally had the week from hell and it pains me that she’s just having such a rough time while I’m six hours and an ocean away and can’t do shit about. Anyway, this dumpster fire fic is dedicated to my bestie @welllpthisishappening who is my favorite person aside from Dan and deserves all the love and good fortune in the world. This isn’t my best writing, but if it makes her smile, that’s all I care about. Special thanks to @cocoa-and-rum for riffling through this nonsense and making it more coherent. Tagging @the-girl-in-the-band-tshirt, @idristardis, @1handedpiratewithadrinkingprob, @imhookedonaswan because they asked to be tagged in this nonsense and are incredibly supportive.
Summary: Killian Jones has been a pain in Emma Swan’s ass since grad school. A game of dodgeball changes that.
Rating: T
Word Count: 3,100+
Looking back at it, Emma Swan doesn’t know how she ever thought the incident was her fault. In all honestly, it was only a matter of time before she retaliated and he got what he finally deserved.
Killian Jones had been torturing her since kindergarten. When they were six, he had pulled her pigtails. In middle school, he had doused her with water balloons. Now, in their senior year of high school, he had decided the best course of action would be to taunt her during gym class. It didn’t matter whether they played water polo or handball, he would wait for her outside the locker rooms during gym class and taunt her until Coach Teach’s whistle blew ten minutes before the period ended.
Today was no different and as Emma walked out of the girls’ locker room, he was waiting for her; leaning against a row of stacked bleachers with his arms across in front of his chest and that signature lazy smirk spread across his face. He was already dressed in his gym clothes and Emma was doing her best not to look at the snug fit of his athletic shorts.
“Ready to lose, Swan?” Killian asked.
Emma narrowed her eyes at him, lips pursed into a deep frown as she regarded her childhood rival. She unscrewed the cap of her water bottle and began filling it at the neighboring bubbler.
“Not on your life,” she replied. “If anything, I can’t wait to wipe that smug look off your face.”
“That’s a lie and you know it,” he chuckled. “You like my face.”
She scoffed, looking down at her water bottle, focusing on it to fight the blush that was threatening to stain her cheeks.
“I don’t know what drugs Jefferson’s been selling but you should reconsider. They’re really messing with your brain if you think there’s anything about you I like,” she replied, still looking at her water bottle.
“Not on drugs, love,” Killian responded, not even remotely phased by her barbs. “You know school policy. Athletes can get randomly tested. Can’t risk that,” he replied, chuckling.
“Right, Captain,” Emma replied, sneering at his title as she capped her bottle and turned to face him. “I forgot. You’re naturally this stupid.”
“I love how charming and kind you are, Swan,” Killian replied, his blue eyes dancing mischievously. “You’re just full of love and kind words.”
Emma snorted.
“Yeah, and you’re full of shit.”
Unwilling to give him another moment of her time, Emma pushed past him, shoulder bumping roughly against his. She immediately went to join her friends on the bleachers, teeth grinding and fists clenched. Regina, Ruby, and Mary-Margaret were all sitting near the top, waiting for her as they always did. The latter two were chatting away while Regina was pushing back her cuticles with her thumb nail. As Emma stomped up the metal stairs, they all turned to look at her, taking in her dark mood. Regina looked up arched a perfect thin eyebrow at her. “Boyfriend teasing you again?” she asked dryly.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” Emma hissed.
“Right,” Regina said with an unimpressed snort, turning her attention back to her nail care.
“He’s not,” Emma reiterated.
“Bullshit,” Ruby coughed into her fist.
Both Mary-Margaret and Emma glared at her but before Emma could make the Brutus complaint she was dying to make, Regina spoke again.
“You’re doing as excellent of a job convincing us as you are yourself.”
“There’s nothing to convince! He’s an idiot and he’s super annoying!” Emma replied with a huff.
“Two words,” Regina said with a small smirk. “Sexual. Tension.”
“Sexual tension? For real, that’s what you’re going with? You’re saying we have sexual tension?” Emma scoffed, placing her hands on her hips.
“In spades,” Regina replied with a snort. ”If anyone else pulled the crap that Jones pulled with you, you would have had your foot so far up their ass that they would be throwing it up. But no, not Jones. You let Mr. Baseball Captain pull your pigtails like you’re still in second grade. It’s honestly nauseating how obvious you both are. Big money says that you’ll hook up come graduation. Smart money says it will happen before Christmas vacation.”
“Are you kidding me!?” Emma exclaimed in disbelief. “There’s actual money down on this!?”
Before she could get her answer, Coach Teach’s whistle blew and they were all called to attention.
“Alright, listen up!” Coach Teach called, voice booming loudly and echoing off the walls of the gym. “Today is dodgeball day. Now, you all aren’t morons. You know the rules. One team to each side, no crossing over the line, whoever gets hit is out, if someone catches your ball, you’re out. And no headshots, you punks.”
“Honestly, his professionalism is astounding,” Regina drawled, rolling her eyes.
Emma and Ruby snickered in agreement. Mary-Margaret elbowed her in the ribs, giving her a look of disapproval. Regina just rolled her eyes in response.
“Today, we’re going to make it interesting though,” Coach Teach with a smirk. “Today, punks, we’re playing boys versus girls. Guys versus gals. Chicks versus dicks. However, you losers want to call it. Girls on one side, guys on the other.”
Emma groaned, head smashing against Regina’s shoulder as their classmates murmured excitedly, noise resounding through the room like the busy buzzing of bees. Already Emma could hear the snickering and jeering of the boys in the class and the nervous sighs of the less athletically inclined girls in the class.
“God help the boys,” Teach chuckled. “Now, come on, lazy bones, let’s line up.”
“What are you gonna give me when my team wins, Swan?” Killian called over to her as the class descended onto the court from the bleachers.
“A kick in the teeth,” Emma shot back with a sardonic smile.
Out of the corner of her eye she caught Regina mouthing “sexual tension” to Ruby and all joy she felt at getting an upper hand on Killian faded into annoyance. She flicked Regina’s arm.
“Seriously?” she snapped.
“Christmas vacation, Emma, Christmas vacation.”
They lined up on the boundary lines at each end of the gym. Emma took a runner’s position between Ruby and Mary-Margaret, ready to spring into action and kick some ass. Her combined annoyance at Regina and Killian would serve her well in the match and she couldn’t wait to knock some people out.
On the other side of the gym, Killian took a similar position, leaning forward and catching Emma’s eye. He sent her a wink and if she wasn’t in school, she would return with an Italian good will gesture of her own.
“At the whistle and not before, brats,” Teach shouted, taking position at the half court line and eying both sides reproachfully. “Three…two….one…”
The whistle blew and Emma pushed herself forward, sprinting as fast as she could towards the line of balls at half court. She grabbed a ball and immediately propelled herself back in order to get out of the line of fire. She had learned from her first dodgeball session that staying close to the half court line was a terrible idea.
There was something about sports that made Emma’s brain shut out the rest of the world and focus on the objective in front of her. The objective for this game was simple: search and destroy.
Her first victim was Victor Whale, a smart ass from her chemistry class. She hit the jerk straight in the shoulder, but she didn’t allow herself the satisfaction of first bloo; she immediately reached for a neighboring ball and pegged William Smee in the back as he was reaching to pick up a stray ball.
When she reached for another ball, a loud whizzing noise and a gust of air brushed against her as another rubber sailed dangerously close to her ear. Startled, she forgot about the ball and straightened up to look for the source of the throw.
Killian Jones smirked at her. “Nearly got you there, Swan!” he teased.
It was in that moment that Emma Swan had a new objective. She wasn’t just going to seek and destroy, she was going to seek and destroy Killian Jones. She immediately grabbed neighboring ball and hurled it as hard as she could.
She missed him by a mile.
“Seriously, Swan?” Killian laughed. “And here, I thought you were a varsity softball pitcher!”
His mocking smile made her see red. She picked up another ball, gritting her teeth at him.
In the movies, this would have been the stereotypical dramatic scene where everything slowed down and all sounds distorted in some strange effect to make the audience realize that something pivotal was about to happen.
Except this wasn’t a movie. No, this was real life and everything happened faster than Emma could really think about.
She threw the ball at Killian with the same intensity that she had thrown a softball when she played outfield in junior high, imaging her arm as a whip rather than a hammer just as her coach had taught her. She could still hear Coach Fisher murmuring in her ear, reminding her that speed didn’t come from just throwing it hard.
The ball went hurtling towards Killian and he raised his hands to catch, but his reflexes weren’t nearly as fast as everyone thought. The ball flew through his fingers and smashed into his face.
In the movies, there would have been a sickening thud; in real life there was, but it didn’t come when the rubber connected with Killian’s face. Instead, it happened when the back of Killian’s head collided with the hardwood floor.
Emma had always thought that seeing Killian Jones in pain would give her sick satisfaction, but theory didn’t match reality. Emma didn’t feel joy at seeing Killian on the ground, cradling his head in pain. She only felt horror and guilt.
Emma didn’t think. She immediately crossed the half court line and knelt at Killian’s side, trying to assess the damage. He winced when he looked up at her.
“You pack a lot of power, Swan,” he said weakly, rubbing the back of his head.
“Shut up,” she replied, helping him into a sitting position. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, just a bump on the head, love,” he assured her with a weak grin. “No need to worry about me, I’m a survivor.”
“Swan! What did I say about hitting people in the face!?” Coach Teach huffed, looking between her and Killian with a look of disapproval. “And about crossing over the line?”
“I know! I’m sorry, Coach, it was an accident!” she replied weakly.
Coach Teach snorted, eying her as if he didn’t believe her. Emma didn’t necessarily blame him. There were no other words to describe her relationship with Killian Jones beside acrimonious.
“Look, he might have a concussion”-
“I don’t have a concussion, Swan,” Killian cut off, sounding somewhat annoyed.
Emma glared at him. “You could!” she hissed. “You smacked your head pretty hard and your eyes are kinda dilated.”
“I’m fine,” he insisted.
“Alright, I’m done with this old married couple routine you guys have perfected,” Teach stated bluntly with a roll of his eyes. “Swan, you’re out of the game anyway so just take Jones to see Nurse Ratched and have this over with.”
Emma gave the gym teacher an uneasy smile as she helped Killian to his feet. He tried to brush her but Emma remained firm in her attentions, forcing him to lean against her. He let out a frustrated sigh.
“You’re pretty insistent on being my nursemaid, aren’t you Swan?”
“Look, I lost my cool and I don’t want to be an asshole, so it would be great if you didn’t make this more difficult than it has to be,” Emma responded tersely as she led him out of the gymnasium.
The first five minutes of the trip to the nurse’s office was quiet, but Emma knew it was only a matter of time before that peace was disturbed. She wasn’t the least bit surprised when Killian opened his mouth.
“If you wanted to get me alone, Swan, there were better ways to do,” he announced with a weak chuckle.
“You’re a pig, Killian Jones,” she stated, letting out a huff.
“And you’re wonderful, Emma Swan.”
“Flattery won’t get you anywhere,” she remarked sharply.
“Wasn’t trying to flatter you, Swan,” Killian said with a small smile. “Just spitting the truth.”
Emma shifted uncomfortably at his words, not knowing how to respond so she decided not to say anything. Mercifully, Killian let the discussion drop and they made it to Nurse Ratched’s office in relative silence.
Nurse Ratched, naturally, was not happy to see them.
“What’s wrong with him?” she asked bluntly, gesturing to Killian.
Emma was almost taken back by her lack of tack or bedside manner. “I’m pretty sure he has a concussion,” she said hesitantly.
Nurse Ratched huffed impatiently.
“I have a food poisoning crisis down the hall, so I honestly don’t have time for this,” she said, once more gesturing to Killian. “Look, I will examine him when I get back from dealing with puking children, but for now, what I need is for you to stay with him and make sure he doesn’t fall asleep. The last thing I need is a kid in a coma.”
“But I have to get back to class!” Emma protested.
“Are you seriously complaining about not being in class right now?” Nurse Ratched asked in disbelief. “You should be thanking me on your hands and knees. Look, you brought him to me. He’s your problem until I come back, got it?”
“Got it,” Emma mumbled.
Nurse Ratched merely shook her head, mumbling something about “ungrateful students” as she walked past them. Emma and Killian watched her leave incredulously before sharing a look and an awkward laugh.
“Sorry you’re stuck with me, Swan,” Killian said after a moment, scratching the back of his ear.
Emma shrugged, not knowing how else to react.
“It’s not your fault,” she mumbled. “It’s actually mine. I shouldn’t have thrown the ball that hard at your face. So, yeah...sorry about that.”
Killian mimicked her small awkward shrug.
“Eh, I should have caught it. I mean, what kind of baseball player am I?” Killian replied with a self-deprecating laugh.
“Well, from what I hear, you’re more known for your batting average and your base stealing skills than you are for your glove,” Emma mumbled.
Killian blinked, staring at her owlishly. “Was that a compliment?” he asked in disbelief.
“No! Just facts,” Emma replied defensively. “Sure, you can be a real jerk face sometimes, but that doesn’t mean you’re not a relatively decent player.”
Killian just laughed, shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe a word that was coming out of her mouth. Emma looked away, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. After a moment, Killian spoke again.
“You know I only tease you because I know you can handle it, right?”
“Oh? Is that why you do it?” Emma asked sarcastically.
“Yeah, actually,” Killian smirked. “Believe or not, I kinda fancy you when you’re yelling at me.”
“You’re so weird,” she said, shaking her head.
“And you’re so...beautiful. Really no other way around it, you’re beautiful,” he replied, looking her with more sincerity than she was capable of handling at the moment.
“Stop doing that,” she replied, looking away.
“Stop what?”
“Stop looking at me like that,” she replied, gesturing to his face vaguely.
“Stop looking at you like what?” he questioned.
“Stop looking at me like you actually mean that,” she replied with a roll of her eyes.
“But I do,” he insisted. “I mean, I wouldn’t bother with you otherwise. Come on, Swan, do you really think I would give you the time of day if I didn’t think you were worth it?”
Emma just shook her head, focusing all of her attention on the ridiculous and completely outdated poster hanging on the wall that proclaimed the dangers of herpes.
“You know you owe me now…since you pegged me and totally rattled my brain,” Killian said after a moment.
“What the hell are you talking about?” she asked, eyebrows knitting together in confusion.
“You could make it better,” he said with a smirk.
“And how am I supposed to do that?” Emma rolled her eyes.
“You should kiss it better? Kisses have magical healing properties, you know,” he said with a grin.
She gaped at him.
“You’re full of shit.”
“God’s honest truth. It’s well documented.”
“Oh yeah? According to what medical journal?” she challenged.
“Well, it’s not in a medical journal, but it is well documented. Just ask Cinderella and the Disney crew. Kisses are magical and have medicinal properties. I mean, they stop people from dying and all.”
“And let me guess, if I kiss you, you’ll suddenly be all better, and maybe turn from being frog-lipped into actually decent human being or even a prince?” she asked with a sarcastic smile.
“I would say I’m wonderfully prince-like already, but you never know until you find out. Go on, Swan, kiss it better,” he said with a grin.
Against her better judgement, Emma let out a huff and grabbed the sides of his face, pulled him roughly forward and quickly kissed the back of his head. Killian blinked for a moment, but when he finally registered what she did, he laughed. It was a nice laugh and Emma cracked a tiny smile at the sound of it.
“That’s not where it hurts, Swan,” he said, shaking his head.
“Bullshit! That’s where you hit your head!” Emma argued.
“Yeah, but it’s not where it hurts,” Killian replied, eyes burning with humor. He then tapped his lips and smirked at her. “That’s where it hurts.”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re full of shit.”
“God’s honest truth,” he said with a sly smile.
“You’re a liar, Killian Jones,” she said with a shake of her head before giving him a slyn grin of her own. “Besides you couldn’t handle it.”
“Perhaps, you’re the one couldn’t handle it,” Killian replied back, still smirking.
If anyone asked her why she did what she did, Emma would argue that he challenged her to do it and she was not one to back down from a challenge. If anything, Emma Swan met every challenge she was given head on without fear or blinking.
On top of that, Emma Swan was tired of Killian Jones smirking at her and since she didn’t get any satisfaction from hitting him in the face with a standard issue rubber dodgeball, she decided to try a new tactic.
Once more, she roughly grabbed him by his cheeks and jerked him forward. This time, instead of landing on the back of his head, her lips landed on his.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, was how Emma Swan and Killian Jones got detention from Nurse Ratched for displaying inappropriate displays of affection in public.
#captain swan#cs ff#cs fic#cs fanfic#cs fanfictio#cs au#my fic#my shit#I apologize for this dumpster fire#but this is for laura#who is the best#and deserves the best#but she got me instead#love you bae
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