FFXV AU: The Place I’ll Return To Someday

Tenebrae falls and the Lucians retreat back to Insomnia.

An injured Nyx gets abducted by an unpredictable father and son and finds himself a safe place to grieve and to accept the past.

Or also known as how a Lion and his Cub got a Galahdian Coeurl to stay in their den.

A short fic for the The Lion, the Coeurl and the Cub AU

Remember the promise in Kitten Kisses? Here it is.

(Nyx is 20 and a not okay mess so OOC still sticking around here. More on Nyx, Galahd things and Cor’s background here too.)

——

The first thing Nyx feels when he comes to, is utter pain. His head feels like its cracked open by a behemoth and his bones heavy like the Meteor. Everything is a blur apart from two shadows hovering over his side.

“Dad, will Nyx be okay?” A tiny chirpy voice…Prompto?

“He’ll be kiddo. Nyx’s just high as a kite now. Let him rest. I’m going to check who are the idiots that discharged him and let the dumbass wander back on his own with a damn concussion.” Cor? Sounds like him…

“Call me if anything happens, yeah? I’m heading out now.”

“Alright! Have a good day at work, Dad.”

Good day for Leonis. Not so good for whoever he tears into later when the Marshal reaches the Citadel. He actually discharged himself, but the Marshal probably does not need to know that fact, Nyx thinks in his delirium before he blacks out once more.

——

“SELENA!”

Nyx wakes from the clawing grasp of his nightmares. The sounds of his sister’s screams, the voice of his mother and his dying comrades follow him into the waking world. Astrals, he feels like throwing up, but he holds the bile in his throat back. He hyperventilates in his panic with a rush of scattered thoughts, before a hand rests on his chest and his shoulder. A low voice telling him to breathe and anchors him back into reality with gentle words. When the buzz around his eyes clears and he is able to orientate himself with his surroundings once more as his breathes even out slowly.

A roomy bedroom, a warm table light, soft grey sheets with simple furniture. A threadbare Crownsguard hoodie on him with fresh bandages. The quiet of the night accompanied with a gentle low music on the stereo system is clearer now that he is focused.

This very much, NOT his dingy one room apartment in Little Galahd.

It takes him some time before a mug of water touches his hand does he register the warm body behind holding onto him. The young soldier turns and is met by familiar cerulean blue eyes.

“Cor?”

“Nyx.”

——

“Is that a Galahdian song?”

Nyx jumps back, and no, he will tell you he was not spooked, just, surprised. Though the frying pan that had dropped from his hand and into the sink might disagree. The Galahdian insisting on helping around or he will feel like an invalid and free loader without something to contribute in this house. He sees Cor standing by the doorway of the kitchen, leaning against the fridge lazily in fresh Crownsguard fatigues.

“Fuck, make some noise why don’t you?” Nyx scowls at the older man. All while ignoring the injured muscle he pulled. Here is hoping that he did not rip the stitches. It would be a pain to get them done again considering how chaotic the military hospital is lately.

“Its my house, Ulric.” Cor walks closer and hovers over his shoulder, looking at the breakfast Nyx had made. The younger man had scrounged up well with whatever they had. Pancakes and some decently fresh salad he dug out. Some eggs and meat with rice in a yellow lunchbox for the boy to bring to school.

With the entire Citadel in a mess upon the King and Crown Prince’s return from an ambush, things have been too hectic. they got screwed over by Niflheim in Tenebrae. Fenestala Manor had fallen. The entire excursion was a bloody disaster. Just as he had rotated in for duty in Tenebrae, Niflheim sprung an attack and now the Oracle Queen is dead, Tenebrae in chaos, while they retreated back to Lucis.

Nyx suddenly finds himself living with the Leonis father and son. Ever since he was abducted by Cor from his own apartment in Little Galahd upon his return form that fuckfest of an assignment.

Last he checked the Marshal was on a classified mission. When did he get back? Also, how did the Marshal break into his building and get his delirious, drugged ass out out with little Prompto in tow? Heck, Libs lived right above him, along with other glaives in the same building, and his friend had heard nothing. The entire neighbourhood sleeping into the following morning without knowing he had been taken. They were trained Kingsglaives, damn it.

When asked, Cor Leonis casually shrugged and said that Prompto saw the news and was worried. Which really answered none of Nyx’s questions.

But then again, this was the Marshal, the Immortal Shogun, Lion of Lucis. One who commanded absolute respect even from the Glaives comprising of refugees. The Galahdian’s ego tries to find comfort with that reasoning to himself.

“I know Galahd has a lot of songs. That one sounded ceremonial. ” The Marshal pulls out a few mugs and prepped the tea for Nyx while he dug out his coffee. That meant Cor have back to back meetings again for today.

“It is, but more of my own Clan’s…each clan has their own songs. Not necessarily ceremonial. Our history as nomads who settled with the first residents of the Galahd Isles means there’s cross cultures at one point. This one is a little of both, and more like… a prayer? Not much meaning left in its words but it reflects our roots.”

“Ah.” Cor nods somewhat in understanding. “…Do you mind if I hear it again?”

Nyx is baffled but decides to indulge the older Leonis’ request without a thought. The Galahdian hums before starting to vocalise the lyrics, and in the second repeat he finds another voice humming along. Soon, he notices Cor trying to follow the Hymn of Old. Even though he stops and repeats some of the notes and vowels to the right pitch occasionally, by the third attempt, it sounded as tranquil and regal as it was meant to be.

“Did I butcher it?” Cor blinks after awhile when he notices how silent the younger man was being.

“N-no, I’m just surprised you could hold a note. You don’t …seem like the type?”

“Mother was a singer. So the habit rubbed off I guess.” The Marshal shrugs, handing Nyx his tea before sticking his head out to shout for his son to come on down. As if there was nothing unusual at all about holding a chord or two.

Nyx takes a sip of the drink just as Prompto thunders down the steps like the excited chocobo he is. The Leonis father and son settling down at the table with the Galahdian to partake in the morning meal together.

The tea tastes just like Selena’s.

——

With his injury and Lucis closing its borders due to the ambush, Nyx is placed on time off till the military medics clear him for light duty. Which makes Prompto happy since he adores spending time with the Galahdian.

The household starts early at 5am, due to military discipline, but Prompto is a morning child anyways. On certain days Cor brings him out for jogs as mornings are the only time for father and son to spend time. Prompto then heads to school after breakfast while Cor prepares for the day. Nyx’s meds knock him out usually, after either father or son makes sure he takes them, waking up later right before Prompto gets back with some groceries.

Prompto and Nyx will have dinner while watching silly cartoons or documentaries. Cor calls in later to check in, making sure everything is fine at home. The Marshal works late more often than not but he will try to make some days free to keep his son company. However, Prompto really is a fuss free child, does his homework and chores with equal diligence. The kind of kid every aunt in the neighbourhood will cry for, Nyx muses.

When Nyx is better, he brings Prompto around Little Galahd on weekends to show his kinsmen that he’s still around and kicking. Yes Libs, he is well, just living someplace for now. No Luche, not dead yet, so go away. Pelna is nice, he asks no questions. Just surprised Nyx seems better overall, healthier.

The blond child is loved by the community and the Glaives have practically adopted him as their own. Its general knowledge now that Nyx have taken in this ‘foster child’ he picked up as his own. Crowe, a new baby glaive training as a mage, adores Prompto, always showering the child with attention.

They would have a meal at Yamachang’s, Prompto watching balefully at Nyx if he tries to sneak a beer. Nyx swears he looks just like a tiny Marshal with that scrunched face of disappointment. Later they will pick up supper for Cor on the way home.

When Cor returns home, its usually to a quiet house, after Prompto has turned in for the night. The Galahdian re-heats the food and keeps the older man company over the dull droning of boring late night tv.

A normal life for some, but one that Nyx finds himself enjoying.

Its been awhile since he feels like he found someplace he could fit in.

——

Overtime, Nyx finds the nightmares have lessened though they still persist as he prepares to go back into guard duty. He is still unsure why he is still hanging around the Leonis’ but they have not chased him out yet. There is a strange greedy, self-indulgent part of him whispering he wants to stay, but Nyx stamps that irrational and selfish thought down each time.

When the nightmares do hit, he always wakes up to find Cor at his side, the older man’s ever protective presence a comfort.

“You will need a psyche evaluation if you want to stay in this line long, Nyx. Or find a healthier way of coping. As your senior, I’m saying this now.” The Marshal points out. He lets himself lean in his chair by the window after handing the Galahdian some water.

“I’m fine.” Nyx tells Cor stiffly, fiddling with the warm mug in his hands. “Don’t need it. Besides, its not in the required medical for Glaives.”

“What?” Cor stares at the young soldier hard. Before he cusses and mutters something awful under his breath. The sky is cloudless tonight, a waning moon hangs over Insomnia lighting the dark bedroom in silent vigil.

“Will you be against it if I get you one? I’m not forcing you, but I don’t want it to hinder you, Nyx.” Or get you killed, but it goes unsaid.

“Its fine- Just! Drop it. Cor.”

The older man pauses for a moment before adding softly, “We want you to come home safe.”

We. Us. Me and Prompto.

The younger man bites his tongue at that. It is the first time someone had bothered to ask him at all how he is doing, but he still has his pride. The feeling of someone letting him have a safe space to feel and process these dampened emotions is foreign and frightening. Even Libs cannot make him unravel with so little words.

The Galahadian clings to every pieces of himself and holds it tight, refusing to stop and let the feelings hit and crumble. He stubbornly remains silent as the dull ache throb inside, pins pricking in the corners of his eyes. Nothing but weak and useless, as he always had been. 4 years since he left Galahd, and he realises now he is a mess. Still is now.

The want to repay his debt to the King while fighting to reclaim Galahd feels more like an excuse for himself really. Last of the Old Blood and Ruling Clans and yet he had all but abandoned his homeland and his people. Under all his bravado and playing a hero, he hid a bloody coward who is unable to save anyone despite his best efforts. His family, his kin, his comrades. To the point he knows he is taunting even Death with every fight. He was an escapist, running away and leaving everything behind after he had lost everything. Why had he survived? Is this his punishment for…living?

He does not notice when had Cor moved to his side. Nyx only realises when the older man pulls the mug from his hands, and his nails digs into his palms. Cor then quietly holds the shoulders of Nyx’s hunched form that is trembling before breaking into hacking sobs as he began to grieve.

“We’re here.”

Nyx lets go.

——

Come morning, he finds Cor spooning at his back protectively. The happy voice of Prompto singing the chocobo cartoon jingle down the hall makes him warm.

After drifting for so long out in the dark, Nyx thinks he has found a safe haven at long last. Like crashing waves in a storm that have found shore to ebb and fade into stillness once more.

Later, Prompto stops at the door on his way out to school, watching Nyx putting the last of his embellishments in place. He then tugs at Nyx’s sleeve. His round periwinkle blues taking in Nyx in his full Kingsglaive uniform quietly.

“Nyx?”

“Yeah cub?” The Glahadian lowers himself and blinks at the blond child he had long thought as his own.

“You’ll...come back right?” Prompto chews his cheek, a habit Nyx knows that his dad has as well after living with them.”I’ll still see you later at home?”

‘You’ll return home to us?’ was what the child trying to ask.

Nyx grins

“Course I will, Prom.” He pats his blond mop of hair, “I’ll be back.”

Unbeknownst to them, Cor, who was observing the scene, smiles.

——

“You know, my mam would have liked you.” Nyx starts as he swings his kukri down, which gets deflected quickly by Kotetsu. The late summer breeze blowing across the open training hall makes his sweaty neck cool in a way he relishes. “Both of you. No nonsense. Just, bam. Get shit done. Always a stab first, talk later policy only.”

“Sounds like a charming lady.” Cor replies calmly, kicking Nyx away before lunging at the glaive. Although Nyx is faster and tries to hit his blindspot, which was easily remedied with his other katana.

“She was. ”Nyx warps away, allowing himself to reminisce as they traded blows. “Absolutely wicked with her kukris and sabres. Selena too. You know, most of us grew up as hunters but its the women who are leaders in Galahd, trained to be her protectors. And my Mam, Thana, and Selena were one of our fiercest.”

Somehow over the couple of weeks, Drautos was forced to get Kingsglaive new health and psyche checks. Ranted something about damn higher ups being an ass and not to ‘fuck around with the health and welfare of our good Lucian men and women’. Nyx instantly knows which ‘damn higher up’ that was. Hence this little ‘spar’.

Nyx is not mad, just, being stubborn. Which they both know.

Initially, he was not too keen about the idea but the entire division is suffering together with him so thats a plus. He is trying to feel less hard on himself. Though there are still bad days, but he finds them manageable now. The nightmares rarely come and even they do, Cor and Prompto are always there to guide him into the new day.

The two soon come to a halt once Nyx knows he is pushing his barely healed body to the limits, which Cor notices as well. They trudge to the side, basking in the twilight glow on the steps. The advantage of being a Marshal, nobody will come near and be a busybody while you are training. Unless they find themselves tired of living.

“They were warriors to the very end of our Rebellion. They…kept our tribe safe even though we lost. Did all they could to protect us. Reminded us that we were nomads, and home was not a place but where its people are. That we must survive, for we were the future of Galahd.” Nyx adds wistfully, feeling like a weight lifted. Lighter.

“May they find rest.” Cor gives his condolences as he listens quietly, allowing Nyx to immerse in the memories.

“Yeah.” Nyx tilts back and lies on the cool surface of the stone floor, watching the drifting clouds and distant birds flying high. The quiet of the world sinks in between the spaces as they remember all the things they had lost in the safety of each other’s company.

“Selena would have adored Prom. She loved cute things and Prom’s a cute kid. Take him around Galahd and her festivals. Show him every cranny of the Canyon and how to swim along the River flow.” Nyx smiles at the thought.

“One day. One day when you return, you can show me and Prom around your hometown.” Cor quietly tells the younger man. Nyx hears his words clearly. Not ‘if’,but a ‘when’.

The Galahdian turns his head slowly, staring at the man beside him that he had come to known.

“I will.”

Another day. Nyx is doing alright.

——

A slow day as things started to die down in the Citadel meant that Cor can leave on time. Nyx who is on light duty is able to knock off as well. They messaged the blond child who has a cellphone on him for emergencies, telling him to wait around the corner of the school. Sure enough, as the familiar silver car drives down to the tiny playground nearby, Prompto is more than delighted, jumping up from the swing as they picked him up. For once, they head out to a family restaurant together, just a quiet place that is hidden in their neighbourhood and enjoy being with one another.

Once Prompto had gone to bed for the night, Cor tosses the younger man a can of beer. Finally giving in to the whiny Galahdian’s incessant demands now that he is off medication. A decent night to drink out on the Leonis’ tiny porch, both having a rare day off the next day.

Cor decided to go shirtless that evening as he opens his own beer and drinks, unlike Nyx who chooses to forgo one mostly out of habit. They were soldiers anyway, and being body shy was not a thing. Yet, the sight of the man in the moonlight makes Nyx feel warmer as he chooses to take a swig of his own beverage quickly. The younger man will not deny that he found the Marshal handsome when they first met. Nyx had always been attracted to the Lucian’s raw allure under the stoic mien. However, the Galahdian will address this another time once he feels he is ready.

Nyx leans against the wall and looks around the house he has become familiar with over time. Two old, but exquisitely maintained katanas hangs on the widest wall with a crossbow on a rack. A re-printed photo of Selena and his Mam framed beautifully now sits together in a spot with other precious keepsakes and memories of Galahd. Courtesy of sweet Prompto.

There are many photos that adorn the living room of the Leonis household, as well as scribbles and art by the Leonis child. Others are photographs and snapshots of life as seen by the little one’s eyes.

However, the ones that intrigued him was a blurry black and white photo of a family in a forest. A father with two katanas by his side, a gentle mother with a crossbow, and a tiny boy with a massive long blade. Hunters.

There is one other clearer photo of the gentle mother sitting in a small garden, albeit looking older. A blond toddler in her lap, a baby Prompto. That brings a smile to the young man’s face. Although, Nyx finds it hard to look at the woman’s eyes despite his brain telling him not to be fucking stupid. Its just a damn photograph. Cor has similar eyes, but the lady held a gaze that felt bewitching and otherworldly to the Galahadian.

There is a certain power in this woman, Nyx Ulric thinks.

“Hate to disappoint. But neither of my parents are Astrals and no we did not have a blood pact with any of the Six. Though I’m pretty certain my mother is a Witch.” Cor leans back and remarks idly.

Nyx chokes mid-drink.

“Wait what..?”

“Nothing. Just a family joke.” The older soldier smirks.”Also, I know the shit the glaives and guards talk about me. I can tell you everything is false except for my challenge with Gilgamesh. Despite what Clarus or Regis might add behind my back.”

“I’m sure they are astounding stories.”Nyx gives a sharp grin, eager to hear more about the secretive Immortal’s past.It was rare that he would be so open. “So, how are they like, your folks?”

“My father was a hunter who worked as a liaison for Lucis and Meldacio. Mother was a singer turned housewife once the conflict with Niflheim escalated.”

The younger man, casts a weary glance at the photo,“That her?”

“That’s her. Reena Leonis. She died some years ago.”

“Sorry.” Nyx quickly mutters something else in galah like a prayer.

“No. Don’t be. She left in peace. Think she had missed my father too, after he got killed in crossfire with Niflheim protecting a village. We knew she didn’t have long but she,” Cor takes a moment, “She helped a lot as I was settling in as Marshal. Looked after Prom and made sure I was well and ready to raise a young child with the time she had.”

“She’s seems lovely.”

“Don’t let her face fool you. The woman was a menace to society.”

Nyx stares at Cor blankly.

“My mother was from the upper middle class. She found Insomnia boring so she forged some papers and ran away from home. Had roamed around Lucis while singing in bars.”

“That ain’t too bad-”

“There was once she had angered a daemon horde and hijacked a truck of some hunters. Who were trying to dick around with a group of Tonberries near Steyliff Grove for shits and giggles. Left them there while they to chase all her down to Lestallum. The truck, which belonged to my dad, got blown up by her as well. Took all their gil too. See? Menace.”

“…”

The Galahadian takes a second to process everything wrong with that revelation. Still waiting for Cor to tell him its all a joke.Though unfortunately, the Marshall does not joke.

Hang on. if he were to put mother and son in comparison side by side…

The younger man looks upwards to where Prompto is asleep upstairs, the only sane Leonis he thinks he knows. His eyes then dart back at the older man enjoying his beer. Nyx thinks his Mam and Selena are laughing at him with Etro in the Beyond.

What in the name of Ifrit’s ball sack did he get himself involved with?

Cor eyes his incredulous face and laughs loudly and free.

Later, as the buzz from the alcohol makes them pleasantly warm, Cor feels relaxed enough to indulge. He sings an old song from memory and Nyx lets himself ease into the words and the company of another.

The moon is beautiful tonight.

.

.

.

——

Extra:

Nyx: So, between you and Madam Leonis- Running away from home, forgery, abduction, trespassing, theft, traffic violations, possible vandalism plus borderline arson… And people think I’m bad for insubordination??

Cor:…Well, not really-

Nyx: Oh good.

Cor: I mean- not really it. The list actually is much longer if you want to put me and my mother together. And then some, if we add my father in as well.

Nyx: …W h a t?

——

Wouldn't it be nice

If we could walk together

Hand in hand, side by side

And I'd like to go

Back to your town

And to your home

Into your arms

-FFX Suteki Da Ne ( Pat McCarthy Lyrics / CinnamonPunch ver )

——

Song for this ficlet: FFX Feel / Hymn of Fayth , FFX Suteki Da Ne

Cleftmom confessions: Things ive learned that I wish I knew before. A list from a mom of special kids❤️ I actually dont know how to address this list, I think I've realized these because I have 2 kids with "special" needs. But it may also apply to moms in general, Im sure all of us will have one or two of these thoughts or circumstances in our crazzzy momma life☺️ 📌I am not INVINCIBLE I need God. I am nothing - this is not because Im bring myself down, but because I am humbling myself. Im surrendering. I am nothing in this world compared to His greatness. Given how well nourished, well educated, or how powerful, how big your house is, you are nothing without God. YOU NEED HIM. Crazy as it may sound but with all the fear I felt, the next thing I realized/felt was this. I was HUMBLED. I know He's caliing me. I was reminded of how great he is and who am I in this world. This is why 2 COR 12:9 is one of my fave verses: But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me 📌Take one day at a time I know you have so much to give, but I also know theres only so much you can take. We have limits, we are mortals, remember? If you will look past your now, sometimes it gives you serenity. Skipping the harder days, the surgeries etc. The power of hope. But in your darker days, when its just hard to find aomething to make you move forward, remember you have now, and what you do today, now, is what matters. Enjoy it, days goes by faster than you think. With all the hustle and bustle of this generation, sometimes its hard to remember this. But until your child hits another milestone, you wont stop to enjoy life and savor that moment with your kid. You will realize that they're growing too fast and there's that pinch making you ask "why so fast?". And then there's this joy, the assurance that they are doing well coz they're hitting those milestones just in time, sometimes a lil early, sometimes a lil late, but what the heck, they DID and that's what matters. Savor the moment🙂 📌Cliché as it may sounds: things will get better This!!! This cliche was pressed on me numerous times already. This is proven. I want to say by me, but well... i'd be lying, and you know it coz you've been there, done that😂 When reassuring new cleft parents I always say this line, which maybe doesn't help much hehe (but I know they'll realize one day that it's true😎). It's just hard to look beyond the firsts, beyond the uncertainty specially if the mom has not yet delivered. I totally understand that (i've bern there, didn't believed this line as well😂😂😂). But the most recent encounter with this lesson was because of our Jacob. I still get hotheaded while on our review sessions (di po ako ipokrita 😂), but he makes me more proud because of that. Because as I always say, he tries, he tries his best! Before, during his exams week, review sessions would be after school till bedtime and it wasn't even enough parin --- That's with prior review sessions pa. Before he cant even read a story book, it would take us an hour or two to finish those short stories. Before during exams He wont have time to do his kumon booklets anymore. But he did improved. He did better in reading books, he's good in math, he gets perfect scores in exams. Recently was his summative exam, he was able to finish reviewing all his subject before exam week started. so it was just a quick review for him during exam week. I felt how positive he is, how confident he is now specially in math and reading. I felt how happy he was that he could still do other things after reviewing. Things got better for me, but more for Jacob.❤️ 📌Downing moments are vital You wont have glorious days without your gloomy days. They make your success more sweet. If you let them eat you whole, you'll lose. Don't let trials win, empower your will to get back on your feet. Some days are harder, but that's what make you tougher. 📌You have to be worry sometimes ...So you wont put your guard down. 📌You need Two words:CLEFT TEAM If it would be possible go to them. NCF / PBM. Period! Google will help you with what a legit cleft team consists of💪🏼 📌This prayer help me calm myself❤️ I want to share it with you because in times my heart is in trouble, And I would say this prayer I would instantly feel calm. So much betteeeer❤️ The serenity prayer God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world As it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right If I surrender to His Will; So that I may be reasonably happy in this life And supremely happy with Him Forever and ever in the next. Amen. 📌God's plans for you is bigger Learning about Gabbie's cleft hit me hard. I comfort myself knowing that God has His plans and He definitely know better. It's really hard to know what it is, its hard to foresee but He asked me to have faith, Even as small as the mustard seed. I know my faith is far bigger than a mustard seed, because you know what, never as in NEVER He has forsaken me! JER 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Prov 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. 📌Go with your instinct Mother knows best. Also, this means you are the one responsible for your parenting style. Don't let others pressure you into a parenting style that is not YOU. You be the kind of mother YOU want to be, not the society, your doctor, your priests, you family ask you to be. You are the only person who knows what's best for your child😉 listen to their opinion or advice, pick what suits you, junk what's not and move on. Don't let them and their side comments affect you inside. 😉 📌Google will bring you horror, dont let it. Use it to your advantage. I will be honest, researching made me anxious. By the time we discovered Gabbie's a cleftie we only have around 8weeks to prepare for her special needs. I havent joined any support group, i tried searching but didnt found one (till gabbie was 2months old ata) so I have no clue what's the best kind of surgeon to go to, what will she need etc. google would redirect me to cases from across the globe, Mostly US, many patients in the US had over 10 surgeries, so yes, that scared me. Ear tubes, yup they did scare me - alot!!! Repeated palatoplasty? Complications per age, complications during surgery.... hell yes!! Speech problems?! Heart problems and syndromes!????! Like whaaaaatttt!!! I want to give birth already just to find out if she has any of it!!! But the internet provided me a vital information for our cleft journey - name of our surgeon. Dr. Glenda De Villa ❤️ learned what bottles we need, what to look out for, that yessss, I could breastfeed!!!🙂 the internet also provided the criteria of a CLEFT TEAM/CLEFT CENTER, and Dr. De Villa's team is a SURE WIN!💪🏼 📌You have to love your doctor. Trusting your surgeon is vital. After meeting her, my worries just fluffed their way out of my chest. She's an inspiration. She's also the one who told us about NCF. If not for her and our trust to her, our family won't have the privilege of knowing those who are behind NCF and their patients ☺️ 📌You are not alone I repeat. YOU.ARE.NOT.ALONE I treat my co-cleft moms and dads as my family. No one could understand me than someone who's going Through a journey like us. Yes, our families and friends are backing us up, they're always there. Always. But the STRUGGLE IS REAL! Haha there are certain things no one could relate to unless they have a "special" child. Noordhoff Craniofacial Foundation patients have a support grp - https://www.facebook.com/groups/IbahagiAngNgiti/ And https://www.facebook.com/groups/CleftSupportGroupPH/ is open to all clefties and their families 🙂 📌Be thankful. You are blessed. I always say God gives the hardest battles to His bravest soldiers. Wonder where our cleftstrong babies got their strength and spirit? Its from US, their parents. I was also in doubt at first😁 God chose us for a purpose. Be proud of the privilege and responsibility that God entrusted us🙂 1 thess 5:18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Stop self blaming. Dont be too hard on yourself. Stop asking yourself if you did something wrong during your pregnancy. Accept that you too have shortcomings, and that's ok. Your kids still love you just the same because you are morethan ENOUGH!❤️ *list to be updated, usually in the wee hours of the morning I cant sleep.😂