i think the worst part of me having a cnc kink is that it probably comes from when i was actually raped

god, it makes me feel that much more fucked up when i get off to cnc and rough porn. like, i went through something SO traumatic, i still have nightmares about it. but i use it to make myself feel sooo good

im in therapy for it, but all i can think about in my therapy sessions is my therapist finally having heard enough of when my friend raped me that he decides he needs to do rape me himself. he walks behind my chair and grabs me by my throat and tells me he wants to see what all the fuss is about, bends me over his desk and rapes me right there. asking me how it feels to be raped by a real man. maybe threatening to leak photos if i dont come back so he can do it again

but i could never tell him that. i tell him im doing better while i think about him forcing his cock down my throat

i wish i could get better but i want it to happen again. i want a man to make me feel weak and helpless and like nothing more than a slut for you to use. i want to be grabbed off the street or have my apartment broken in to. ill put up a fight, i cant let you know i want this

but im weak and cant hold you off for long. it takes little effort on your part to get me pinned down and my panties off. ill keep.fighting but my soaked pussy betrays me. i want you to tell me being raped is all im good for as you shove your cock into me

god im so messed up

but that just makes it better

I want to be someone’s stupid, high little slut. I want someone to just feed me an edible and then make me take hits until I can’t anymore. Until i am a coughing and wheezing mess. Then the edible starts to kick in too. I feel so sick and so overwhelmed i can do nothing but lie down. Someone needs to then keep touching me until i cry, pretty please!!!!

get me drunk and take me to your room. leave a glass of water and some ibuprofen on the nightstand, tell me to get some rest.

then wake me up by accidentally thrusting too hard, and cover mh mouth as soon as my eyes open. tell me to be quiet or you’ll hurt me. hurt me anyways, at first on accident with how hard you bite me, but start doing it on purpose since the noise I made was just so pretty, so pathetic, you can’t help but want to hear it again.

pound into me with your hand around my neck, watch how quickly i stop fighting when you start mumbling little praises in my ear. call me a good boy and tell me i’m such a sweet little thing for letting you have me- even though I had no choice- tell me how much of a slut i must be for you, follow it up with something possessive. tell me how i’m yours to use and breed.

listen to my little protests, begging you not to cum inside, but when you slap me and tears well up in my eyes, something switches inside my brain. you tell me again you’re gonna breed me, and i nod so eagerly, just begging for you to do it.

“please, please- ah! i want you to fill me up, please, ohgod- please fill me up, wanna be full-“

fuck your cum back into me because you can’t stop yet, not until i can’t do anything but whine and nod. clean me up a bit when you’re done with me, wrap your arms around my waist and call me a pretty little lamb while you hold me tight. fall asleep with me, thinking about all the other ways you’ll wreck me on the morning. and at the next party you host. and the one after that.

Fuck my thighs while I’m sleeping, push up my sleep shorts and pull my hips up off the bed, keep my little thighs pressed tight together with your hands on my hips and slide into that little gap where my thighs meet and almost touch my cunt, where the head of your cock pushes up against my clit with every thrust and my juices makes it easier and easier for you to fake-fuck me… my thighs are warm and soft and my pussy gets so wet it’ll feel almost like actually using my holes

smoking w a group and i get really lightheaded and dizzy, so much so that i just can’t seem to move. that’s when they start pulling off my clothes, stripping my down and grabbing at my body whilst i just lay there and whine like the stupid little dumb puppy i am. want to feel the stretch of their cocks splitting me open as they fight over my holes and whoever isn’t fucking me just sitting on my face and making me eat them out, suck them off, anything honestly just so long as they’re using every single part of my body

make me drink too much and take advantage of my limp body when i’m so drunk i can’t function

I love intox play soooo much, I just think it’s so fun when my brain really melts and all I am is a stupid drooly slut… hehhe I get so wet every time I’m stoned/drunk, I just want to drop down on my knees and offer all of my pretty little holes for you to jerk off with ໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১

even better if you’re forcing me to take hit after hit of the bong while handing me sweet little drinks that I keep mindlessly sipping on<3 take advantage of my aching, needy pussy while I’m too dazed to do anything but moan like a happy little whore ૮꒰ྀི∩´ ᵕ `∩꒱ྀིა

Get me so high I can barely remember you tying me up and fucking me in the ass while I begged you to stop.

“It was just a dream, baby” you’d tell me. “I would never hurt you.”

Then do it again the next night.

And the next.

Do it so often that soon I don’t even wonder why my ass is so sore, because it isn’t.

Do it so often my body gets used to it.

Train me to be your perfect little anal slave without ever even needing to ask.

getting high with your big brother except hes extremely new to it and you smoke all the time, so as he gets so high he cant even move, im still fully conscious. i straddle his hips and he squirms, confused and out of it as i take out his cock from his boxers. oh youre already getting hard big bro? your cock pulses when i stroke it like that, that must mean you like it, its okay big brother, ill help take care of you :]

I want someone to trick me into coming over for a 'movie night' and continuously feed me edibles, but they either don’t tell me that they’re edibles or say that they're a much lower dosage than they actually are. Then I want them to pull out a joint or weed pen, since I'm always down to smoke, and get me to take a few too many hits before the edibles kick in.

Once I'm all lightheaded and fuzzy, pretty much lost in the weed haze and properly doped up, they can start to touch me. Lightly at first to see how far gone I really am, but they get more bold when I just make cute little noises in response to their advances.

I want this to escalate to them stripping me and playing with my body while they watch the movies we picked out, still feeding me hits off the joint or pen until it goes even further.

I want them to be so obsessed with me that they can’t stop themself from fucking me within an inch of my life now that they have me all alone like this.

I want to wake up, absolutely covered in hickies and bruises in the shape of their hands, with their arms still wrapped around me and holding me to their body in a way that I can’t get out.

I've been thinking about this a totally unhealthy amount recently so I wanted to share.

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I’m ready to be bent over and used in any hole anytime you get hard tonight sir 🖤

the full photoset is on my OnlyFans (first month free link in pinned)