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thevampiresiren · 3 years

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Lullaby

Min Yoongi x depressed!Reader

Summary: You've been hiding your struggles with your clinical depression and anxiety disorders from Yoongi, scared of being a clingy girlfriend. Yoongi comes home early to show you how he knows where you're coming from and will always be there for you.

Word Count: 1620

Genre: Angst/Fluff

WARNINGS: Cursing, Mentions of MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) and anxiety disorders. (Lyrics to the song do sound like its talking about suicide, but the song wasn't originally supposed to be about mental health)

A/N: This is one of my favorite Nickelback songs and it helps me when I myself have depressive episodes. It just had Yoongi trying to help someone with depression written all over it to me. Also this is only my second fanfic so try to cut me some slack😅

Well, I know the feeling

And there ain't no healing

Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge

From cutting yourself with the jagged edge

You're not quite sure what offically started it. All you knew was that your chest was aching, you felt nauseous, you were shaking, and had tears quietly running down your face. You knew you were becoming stressed with this new job of yours, but you ended up just pushing the stress back down like you always did. Well, your depression and anxiety had other plans for you. You ended up just putting your cell phone on vibrate, just wanting silence. Part of you wanted to call your boyfriend. He understood more than anyone what is was like having a depressive episode. It was one of the many things you and Yoongi had in common and one of the many reasons you fell in love with each other. Being able to understand each other's struggles and helping the other out when it became too much.

I'm telling you that, it's never that bad

Take it from someone who's been where you're at

The bigger part of you knew how happy Yoongi was that he was able to start being with the guys again after his surgery. You didn't have the heart to pull him away from his brothers when they were so happy to be with each other again. You reached out for Holly on the bed, pulling him close. Burying your face into his soft, brown, curly, fur; you allowed your tears to fall onto him. Holly began gently kissing your face, like he was trying to wipe your tears. You smiled at him before gently closing your eyes trying to relax.

Laid out on the floor, and you're not sure you can take this anymore

Yoongi knew something was going on with you for the past two days. You were going to bed earlier, eatting less, and a lot more quiet. You said it was because you were tired and just stressed from your new job. He would have believed you. But now that you weren't answering any of his texts or calls (or anyone else's for that matter), he knew it wasn't just "stress". He tried not worrying but what was he supposed to do? He ended up leaving the studio early, telling Namjoon and the rest of the guys that something was up and he needed to head home.

So just give it one more try to a lullaby, And turn this up on the radio. If you can hear me now I'm reaching out, To let you know that you're not alone

He tried calling you once again only for it go to voice-mail for the umpteenth time.

"Babygirl, please call me. I'll be home in less than five mintues. I just need to know that you're alright. I love you, okay?". He took a deep breath. He knew you were going to be okay, but he didn't know how long your depression was acting up or where your head was at.

And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell, 'Cause I can't get you on the telephone. So just close your eyes. Oh, honey, here comes a lullaby. Your very own lullaby

When Yoongi walked into the apartment, he didn't even think about taking his shoes off. He just went straight to the bedroom looking for you. He saw your phone abandoned on the couch and picked it up for you. Yoongi came up to the door and heard your muffled sniffles behind the door.

"Jagiya, can I come in?" He asked softly, not wanting to startle you. He heard a quiet "mhm" and gently opened the door. You had Holly underneath your head using him as a pillow, giving him gentle pets. Your face was stained in tears (along with Holly's fur), hair was a mess, and in nothing but your favorite red and black flannel of his with the skull on the back. Even though you were a wreck right now, you were still breath taking to him. Yoongi walked over to his side of the bed.

He sat down bedside you looking as your back faced him, rubbing your shoulder; making your shoulders slightly relax. It hurt him more than anything seeing you like this, it always did even though it didn't happen often and he always knew you would be okay.

"Can you look at me?" He said firm but gently. You stopped petting Holly and rolled over facing your boyfriend. You were scared that he would be upset for some reason but he looked worried and even sad. He held his arms out for you and gently pulled you to his chest protectively, rubbing your back soothingly. He let you cried into his chest as your body shook, tears staining his white tee as you held onto it like your life depended on it while he kissed your forehead and shoulder.

Please let me take you out of the darkness and into the light

He wasn't going to push you right now, but he needed to know what was going on. Once you calmed down and had your breathing under control he asked you what was going on.

"I wasn't lying when I said I was stressed over this job, but I guess it was effecting me more than I thought.". Yoongi nodded his while moving pieces of your hair out of your face.

"I don't know if I'm doing things right, I feel like whenever something goes wrong its my fault, and I just feel lost. I feel like I'm letting people down and I didn't want to say anything to stress people out because I know they have their own problems in their lives. I feel weak whenever this happens and feel like I let everyone down..." You said with your breath shaking.

Cause I have faith in you that you're gonna make it through another night

Yoongi pulled you into his lap, having you straddle his hips. He gently held your face between his large hands wiping your new tears away and leaving little kisses on your nose, cheeks, forehead, and lips.

"Jagi, you are NEVER weak when this happens. You're having a hard time right now and it's normal with depression and anxiety disorders. You're amazing at your job. You've never had any problems with jobs in the past and always are above average in performance reviews. And you know you can always call me. You don't stress me out. You know I know how this feels."

"I know that but you and the guys missed each other so much. I didn't want to take away your all's happiness and I didn't want you to think I was being a needy girlfriend..." you said crying again into his shoulders.

"Hey, have you ever thought of me as a needy boyfriend when I have my breakdowns?" Yoongi asked gently forcing you to look up at him with his finger under your chin. You gently shook your head.

"Have you ever been mad at me for pulling you away from your friends with my depression?". You shook your head again.

"Do you like seeing me suffer with my own personal demons?". Once again, you shook your head. Yoongi gently grabbed your arms and placed them around his neck while he placed his around you waist.

Stop thinking about the easy way out

There's no need to go and blow the candle out

"It works both ways babygirl. The guys always understand too. I hate seeing you like this without me knowing. It hurts me so fucking much." He said with tears in his eyes. "You and I both know that we're always there to help each other get through this shit. We understand each other more than anyone else. No matter what I'm doing I can't be happy knowing my girl isn't answering the phone because she is suffering inside her own head." He said as a tear fell. He pulled you into his chest again held onto you tightly. Like if he were to let go, he would wake up and you would be gone. He took a deep breath getting himself together, still holding you tightly.

"I love you so fucking much Y/N L/N. I want to do anything I can to help you like we always do with each other. Because you're going to get through this like all the other times. It's only going to get better from here baby. Don't let yourself burn out on this one thing. You're one of the strongest people I know." He said as a few more tears slid out.

Because you're not done, You're far too young and the best is yet to come

You wrapped your arms tightly around Yoongi's neck. You pressed your lips against his, your fingers running against his soft raven locks. He kisses you back slow and gently but somehow full of the passion and love he has for you. A few moments later you both gently pull away from the kiss, noses touching and out of breath.

"I love you too, Yoongs. I know everything will be okay. Its just the anxiety talking." You say rubbing his neck.

"I know it is and its hard. But I mean it. You promise me you'll call me whenever you need me. No matter what I'm doing, Dork." He said smiling lovingly at you while lightly flicking your forehead. You giggled softly smiling at him.

"You better do the same, Jerk."

Yoongi lifted up his pinky finger, wrapping it around yours and kissing it.

"I promise, brat."

So just give it one more try to a lullaby

#yoongi x reader #yoongi x you #min yoongi x reader #min yoongi x you #bts x reader

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shra-vasti · 4 years

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JEON WONWOO

Series : To all the boys

Pairing : Jeon Wonwoo x reader

Type : non idol au, ex-lovers au

Genre : angst, drama, fluff, romance

Warnings : none

Word count : 2k approx

Synopsis : You decided to write some letters to every boy who was a part of your past as your last message after getting diagnosed with chronical disease.

MAIN MASTERLIST

[Received, 09.10.2020] | previous | next

"Hey y/n, did you hear about the news which is swirling around the school?"

"News about?"

You were currently sitting inside your class with Jane and your other classmate, Sylvia, the gossip queen. It was a free class, not many student were entertaining the classroom so you decided to just spend time there but Jane and Sylvia followed soon.

"Your beloved Wonwoo ofcourse."

You rolled your eyes at the prefix used by her, you had recently told her about your crush on Wonwoo since 7th grade and all you can say is that you genuinely regret telling her about it.

"What about him?"

"About him getting Yena pregnant."

You eyes widened at the information given to you. You remember Sylvia telling you how wrong it was to have feelings for someone who already had a girlfriend and you told her that she came into his life after you did and you aren't a threat to their relationship.

You weren't a threat, Sylvia realised that but she did wondered how you would cope up with your feelings whenever you saw them together.

You had told her that you just cared about him, nothing more than that and feelings can't be stopped, you didn't even know how he fell in love with her that fast when all he did in the past was play around with girls.

You guessed he settled down for good.

"How would you know they are just kids come on we are in high school."

You could already hear your heart beating loudly in your ears, him getting into relationship with the new transferred student even though he knew about your feelings just wasn't enough that now this news surfaced, it was honestly too much for you since you have always took care of him from the past without asking anything in return, silently.

"Y/N, don't think that Yena is innocent okay, I've helped her to take the pregnancy test, she always used to call Wonwoo to meet him up in my place to hungout cause my parents are always out of town and they have many times made out in my room, I know."

Her words silence you, you were aware how Sylvia was, she was someone who would add extra information on a certain scenario just to make others believe her words and you knew she was doing just that, it wasn't new at all but that didn't help the pang you felt in your chest at her words.

Your mind drifted off to 10 minutes before when you saw a really concerned Dani, your other friend beside Zeny and Andie, bumping you. You asked her what's wrong and all she said was she had to talk with Wonwoo and it would be great if you just stay away from him for sometime.

You knew from then that something was off, maybe you're friends were trying to save you from another heartbreak because of him, you knew the information given by Sylvia wasn't all fake and some of it was true.

You shook your head at her as Jane and Sylvia continued to argue whether the information was true or not. You crossed your arms and put your head down on it blocking both the girls from seeing your face as you tried your best to have a control over your rapidly beating hard.

It wasn't much of use since you could feel the tears slipping from your eyes and onto your uniform which your were wearing.

The class was going to end soon and if you didn't control your tears, everyone would know about your little breakdown and you didn't want to entertain anyone else.

"Y/N are you crying?"

You felt your head being pulled up by the two girls and Jane was quick to her action when she saw your tear stained face. Sylvia stayed glued on her seat, shocked to see you out of all people crying over someone.

Jane grabbed your hand and took you out of the class informing the teacher at the door that you've had an emergency and wanted to go to the clinic.

The hallway was empty since every one had retreated back to their classes, you let Jane drag you all through till you reach the turning point where the girl's washroom was supposed to be, then you untangled your wrist from her hand and made a run towards the washroom.

Tears were constantly slipping from your eyes and you were afraid anyone else would see them. Jane looked at your running figure before speeding up to catch up with you.

You bumped into Yena on the way as she was coming out of the washroom. She looked at you corcernly after seeing your tear stained face which just made you ever more hurt because she and her boyfriend were the mere reason you were this miserable.

You didn't listen to her and continued your way towards the washroom, you heard Jane telling her that you had some personal issues and that she shouldn't interfere in it.

"Y/N?"

You lift your head up when you noticed someone calling your name to see Bora heading in your direction.

You immediately ran up to her hugging her tightly as you let your emotions free and cried on her shoulder. She patted your head to console you. Jane reached to both of you as she patted your back and explained everything to her.

"Hey, you know how Sylvia is, don't mind her. I know Wonwoo, he wouldn't do something like that for sure, he's just a teenager and so is Yena."

She kept on consoling you explaining why you shouldn't let these things affect you, she knew about your feelings from day one so she understood how hard it must have been for you.

She told Jane to head back to the class and that she would stay in the washroom with you since she knew you weren't in the condition to do the class.

"I'll go get my things so we can head to cafeteria."

You finally were able to get a hold of yourself and you stayed in the washroom with Bora till the lunch break arrived. You knew you couldn't stay here for long because all of the girls would start piling inside the washroom.

You were sure Jane would have told Zeny and Andie about your situation when both of them came crashing down at the washroom immediately engulfing you in a hug.

"Okay let's go, Bora, thanks for taking care of y/n."

The hallway was a bit busy but it seem as if no one really minded your absence much, to which you were glad. The classroom was empty as you reached the back of the class to get your things.

You bend down when your book fell to get it unknown of the fact that Wonwoo hurriedly entered the class, seeing no one since you were hidden by your desk, he got out of the class running towards the girls washroom.

"Jane, where's y/n?"

He was out of the breath as he held Jane by the shoulder asking her about you.

"In class?"

"No, I went inside the class but I didn't see anyone."

He shook his head as he made his way towards the girls washroom when a hand grabbed his making him stop on his tracks.

"Yah, Wonwoo where do you think you're going?"

He looked at Bora for a second taking her hand off his, then continuing to go inside the washroom to search you only to be held back by Bora again.

"I'm searching for y/n, if no one is going to tell me then I might as well search everywhere I can."

"Why do you want to see y/n?"

His patience was getting thin as he sat on the stairs which led to the girls washroom, Bora stood in front of him to make sure he wouldn't actually go inside the washroom as she crossed her arms across her chest looking at Wonwoo.

"You know all well why I want to."

"Y/N isn't Yena, Wonwoo, don't show so much care to the wrong person."

"I know who's important for me and who's not, you don't need to educate me on that and y/n means more to me and you know that."

With that he stood up heading back to the direction he came from, Bora shook her head before making her way towards the cafeteria where her friends were waiting for her.

He continued walking in the empty hallway, his head hung low thinking about the possible place you could be but sighing when nothing came into his mind.

He look up when he heard the sound of door getting locked, his eyes widening when he finally saw you by the door of the class, head hung low and you started making your way towards him unknown of his presence.

"Y/N!!"

He yelled gaining your attention, you looked at him to see him smiling widely at you before running towards you, standing few feets away.

"Where were you I was searching for you everywhere."

"You don't need to know, I've to go, others are waiting for me."

You sided him continuing your path as you had no energy left in you to have a talk to him cause you knew your emotions would take the best of you.

You stopped in your track when Wonwoo grabbed your hand and turn you around to face him again.

"You're avoiding me now?"

"Why would I?"

He knew you weren't going to give in so easily and he was right. When he came to know that you cried, his first instinct was to find you cause he didn't like you shedding a single tear, he wouldn't let that happen, he needed to know the reason behind it so he searched for you only to get more desperate to find you when he learned the reason behind your breakdown.

"Why did you cry?"

He knew exactly why you cried but he wanted you to voice it so that he would be able to explain it to you.

"It's none of your business, Wonwoo please."

You pushed him aside as you once again started making your way towards the cafeteria but Wonwoo quickly catched up and stood in front of you successfully blocking you from going any further.

"You know the rumours aren't true, I want you to trust me okay?"

"I don't care about that Wonwoo and please don't worry about me anymore, you've a girlfriend for God's sake worry about her."

You hated the way he treated you at times and you hated the way he behaved when he was alone with you, he was completely opposite in front of everyone.

He cupped your cheeks as he leaned his forehead on yours closing the distance, you could feel the warmth of his body and you hated how his simple gestures affected your heart when your mind always warned you to be cautious around him.

"I care about you y/n therefore I worry about you, you know how much I care about you, what do you want me to do tell me, you want me to leave Yena? I'll do that just give me sometime."

You hated him for making you feel like you were on seventh heaven, how he had such impact on you. He had a girlfriend, you had to remind yourself time and again as you pushed his hands away from your face and took a step back.

It felt so wrong to be this close to him but at the same time it felt like your heart was finally at ease. Your heartached as you saw disappointment in his eyes but he needed that, he needed to know he already had a girlfriend and he shouldn't cross his lines.

"Don't do that Wonwoo, don't give me hope."

On your peripheral vision you could see Yena coming in your and Wonwoo's direction as you inhaled deeply.

"Trust me y/n I'll come back to you, just wait for me."

"Wonwoo?"

He turned around to see Yena standing few feet away from both of you, she made her way towards where you were immediately getting concerned when she saw you.

"Are you okay now?"

She asked as she grabbed your shoulder lightly smiling at you. You nodded your head at her thanking her and telling her not to worry much.

"I was looking forward to eat lunch with you."

She turned towards Wonwoo who simply smiled at her but his eyes were focused on you so you decided to get away from them. Seeing them together would just hurt you more.

"I'm sorry for that, I was having a talk with y/n, I'll make it up to you."

She giggled as she hugged him making you involuntarily roll your eyes at him, how typical of him. It was like he just wanted to lift you up only to make you fall down hard and it certainly worked everytime.

You shook your head, knowing he wouldn't stop you now that his girlfriend was with him, you started walking.

Wonwoo grab your hand again, you turn your head to find him still hugging Yena as he looked at you, his other hand guiding Yena's head at the crook of his neck so she won't see what he was doing.

"I'll make it up to you, you just have to wait for me."

He said, his eyes directly looking into yours as if telling you that he meant that for you.

"Of course Wonwoo I'm not angry at you, we can go on a date after school if you are feeling sad about not eating with me."

"Of course babe, whatever pleases you."

You chuckled at the fact that Yena didn't realize whom the sentence was directed to, you shook your head at Wonwoo before removing his hand from your wrist.

You continue to make your way towards the cafeteria, this time succeeding as he didn't stop you. How would he, when he had her in his arms.

In the end it didn't matter how much he care about you because he would always choose her over you and you hated that.

You wondered if Yena ever feels the change in his behaviour or she's just too blinded to see that a person like Wonwoo wants the world and wouldn't settle till he gets what he wanted.

In your case, he wanted to stay beside his girlfriend but wouldn't trade you for anything and you wondered if you ever will be able to get away from his maze.

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sweet-cynical-writer · 4 years

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Author's Notes: Don't mind me, just posting some angst with Atsushi, Dazai, and reader. Trying to keep my writing sharp & at the same time still upload some content ~

Genre: Soft Angst (in my opinion at least)

Word Count: 809.

Summary: Reader is in love with Dazai who doesn't care much for their feelings. Meanwhile, Atsushi develops heartfelt feelings for the reader who has no clue until it's too late and breaks not only his patience, but also his heart.

It all started with a simple conversation. That conversation turned into meet-ups. Then he had his first kiss from you. It was just one kiss. So why did he fall so hard for you? He knew you had no romantic interest in him. So why did his heart ache for you when he saw you doting over Dazai?

Atsushi was aware of your crush on his mentor the moment you came in crying one day to the ADA about the murder of a family member. Not to mention, he quickly learned you recently had become single from leaving a toxic relationship, only to fall head over heels for the burnette detective.

“Sushi, Sushi! Please tell me about Dazai~! What does he like? His favorite color? His taste in fashion?”

You were so absorbed in talking about Dazai all the time that it was apparent that you didn't care about spending time with your friend. You wanted to use him to get closer to your crush. There were times when Atsushi would hesitate about going out with you until you convinced him saying it was just for him.

And he fell for it every time. He had his hopes up any time he got a chance to be alone with you. Atsushi would be there for you when you cried or had a mental breakdown. He answered all your phone calls and texts in mere seconds to minutes, making sure your needs were met. It was fairly obvious he wanted to be more than friends from the way he took everything about you into consideration.

But you? You didn't bother to notice how much he cared. Your heart and mind set on Dazai, a man who couldn't care less how you felt about him. But he sure did take advantage of your feelings often on a whim. He was like a drug you couldn't quit and you only went back for more. You called it love yet, he didn't understand you as much as Atsushi did.

The day Dazai was missing for weeks, you cried your eyes out to Atsushi. Begging him to comfort you and that you loved how supportive he was when you needed him most. It made Atsushi give in almost all the time and he would hold you until you calmed down. But just when you were about to leave after feeling better, you felt a warm body pressed against yours from behind.

“Am I just the glue that keeps you from falling apart?.. Listen, I love you. I always have since I saw you in the bakery.”

You tensed up as Atsushi wrapped his arms around you. He saw you even before the incident?

“That's right I remember you wearing a sweet chocolate colored dress that made you look like the most adorable little café girl. And your hair was done in curled pigtails. When I saw you cry in Dazai-san's arms I knew you loved him. I also knew he was going to break your heart. But you let him do it anyway and even went back for more..”

Atsushi let out a puff of air, he sounded utterly defeated.

“I don't want to be the substitute for the hole in your heart. I have feelings too. I didn't want to fool myself into thinking I had a chance with you but it happened anyway. But now.. I… I can't take this anymore! If you want to ruin yourself so badly for Dazai-san.. then please leave me out of it!”

He released his hold on you and everything stood still. You didn't want to believe what you heard. He was right about you wanting to ruin yourself for someone who clearly didn't want you. But Atsushi loves you? Why would he love you when it was so obvious you wanted Dazai?

Then everything made sense. Dazai didn't want anything to do with you. Not even for a moment did he show interest in you. No matter what gifts or compliments you showered him in, Dazai refused to acknowledge you other than as another girl who hopelessly fell under his spell. Meanwhile, Atsushi was trying to save you from further heartbreak by always being there for you and comforting you.

Instead of remaining friends, you poured your heart out to him and he mistook your feelings as mixed signals to be with you.

“Atsushi.. I —”

Tears rolled down your cheeks and you refused to face him like this. If only you could have noticed sooner. You were blinded by someone you could never have.

“It's alright. I think maybe you should just go home and figure out how you feel. I should do the same..”

He passed by you and patted your shoulder gently.

“I'll see you around, okay?”

Atsushi left the office first, leaving you frozen with tears staining your face. What were you supposed to do now? Your heart was in pain for being hurt but also for causing someone else to be in pain.

#bungou stray dogs #dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs dazai #osamu dazai #dazai bsd #bsd dazai osamu #bsd dazai #bsd osamu dazai #bsd osamu #bungou stray dogs atsushi #nakajima atsushi #atsushi nakajima #atsushi bsd #bsd atsushi #self insert reader #zai does shitty edits #zai writes

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