#can't erase your memories
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yea sooooo I may have or may have not watched and instantly rewatched all kuro musicals in existence in a spawn of one week and now have roughly 40 screenshots to redraw from
I think I might be insane or something
#it's all sebaciel of course#god I wish I could erase my memory and rewatch the most beautiful death and tango on the campania#the latter I watched like 3 times but death I found a long long while ago so now it must've been my tenth or so rewatch#and I'm still so not normal about the final song and overall parallels between sebaciels and alan x eric i'm fijsdfdjfo#and sebastian is so dumb he is sO BLIIIINDDDD IT'S CRAZY#“me? going against my nature and principles over some tiny human? I could neve-” yeah bro mhm talk about it after the gwa and rciel reveal#also fellas is it gay to *pretend* to try to wake up your master just so you can have an excuse to carry him?#and then sing about how every night you fantasize about kissing him and holding him?#is it fellas??#and the whole scene of alan's death when in his memories he and eric VERY PLATONICALY look at falling petals and he goes#“ah so beautiful it looks like snowfall :)”#and fucking moments later sebastian kills eric the souls are flying everywhere just so ciel could go#“ah so beautiful it looks like snowfall :|”#I'm going fucking insaine I hate it here every time is like the first#"some things are simply meant to be beautiful” proceeds to STARE AT CIEL FOR A GOD DAMN ETERNITY#I can't I literally can't I'm miserable#sebaciel#was so busy with my rant I even forgot to include the tag at first oh my god
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(me, who Knows Things) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#in stars and time spoilers#if you know. you know.#pix plays isat#more spoilers in following tags.#and then they CAN'T recognize home DON'T remember it and that memory hole blasts into their brain#and. and they wash up on a shore#not remembering. with a memory so leaky because what happens#when you erase what became a foundational part of you. no wonder you think you don't have an identity of your own#no wonder you have nothing better to do! because you don't remember home at all!!!!! AAAAA
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"Found out"
set in kind of a made-up chapter where the girls are in trouble, or something.
#witch hat tag#orufrey#i hate having a strong cinematic image in your mind for months..working hours on it..& at the end looking you have to be like “Sure. :/"#i'm especially unsatisfied with the beginning and the end and how i can't get eyebrows to work as i want#but i dont care any more... this is probably the comic that has given me the most trouble ever i just dont care#i barely even care whatsoever if anyone even sees this..Ugh..but at least i can move on to the next era now#i'm just annoyed i cant get out good enough my image of qifrey flinching bc he thinks oru will hit him but then he is not hit#i feel like sensei will do something along these lines. i want to see what she will do.#there are also other variations i have in my mind. i just want to know#i just don't want it to happen with qifrey on his deathbed or something. but it possibly will. I DONT EVEN KNOW.#i have another very cinematic image in my mind for something sort of along those lines which i will do soon. it never ends...#btw after this is probably my fics. yeah.... i think it has to be my fics. jasmine sort of goes along these lines#i need that space for dialogue. look - i'm a writer. this is HARD for me. so i am really glad i had the space and freedom of words#to process all the feelings. but i tried to get something out in a quick visual space too. <- me defending myself to myself at cai court#anyway going along the lines of 'Jasmine' - they talk this out and argue and cry and oru pushes the hat at him and tells him#why not just erase every memory i have of you then. That would be easier for us all wouldn't it?#they kiss and sob and kiss and lie outside in the flowers for many hours in that one. and then there's 'Deep End' where it turns out#way way way way more time and words is needed for this actually and that's upsetting for everyone.#the destruction of the hat is certainly another path to take. Can you make this work without that hat going up in flames?#something you have always had and have been clinging to will have to be destroyed. You have to lose something now. This is the crux qifrey#I CANT GET IT OUT IN ONE COMIC!!! I CANT DRAW IT OUT!!!! I NEEDED THOSE FICS!!!! PRAISE WORDS!!!! whatever im going to have dinner now
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When I was eight, I learned an important phrase.
"Everyone knows..."
I heard it spat at my mother, the door of our dingy apartment half open, yellow light siltering in from the hallway and over the blankets on the floor that my brother and I slept in.
"Everyone knows gypsies don't pay rent. You don't have clean money."
Out by the end of the month.
I didn't know what that meant at the time, I only knew what it changed in my life.
New rules were thrust upon my brother and I as we carried out blankets and pillows into the bedroom in my grandmother's basement.
Don't put your things on the floor. It floods when it rains and it will ruin your toys.
Don't scream when you play, your grandfather works nights and he's asleep.
Stop speaking that language. Stop it right now. We do not speak Hebrew, we do not speak Sinte, we are not dirty.
We do not speak.
I learned to bite my tongue when English didn't express what I needed it to. To swallow down my culture and my religion like a bitter pill. A life saving measure that treated the shakes finding a swastika carved into my desk left.
We do not speak.
We are not dirty.
We have washed ourselves of the shame of our being. Our existence is to be scrubbed and scraped and swirled down the drain like the dirt left on our hands after pretending we are squirrels in our Bubbe's yard.
We do not speak any longer, we do not announce our existence in polite company, where our very being might soil their opinion of us.
There is no such thing as language beyond what is expected, what is allowed. English is to be spoken exactly as it should be, with each syllable matching what the christian born white men speak as they make their speeches behind pulpits and books I do not understand.
My first language, my second language, my third language I shared with my sister who needed it so badly.
Swallowed down, down, down, down.
Forgotten.
My hands could not move to follow hers, my tongue could not form the hymns and prayers I once knew. When my auntie spoke half in the language of our people, I could only stare and wish I knew how to do the same.
We are not dirty.
We do not speak.
There is safety in silence.
We do not speak.
#ok to reblog before you ask#idk if this is#poetry#but i'm tagging it as that#freeform#my writing#memories of having my very heritage and culture erased by my own family#i wish i could speak hebrew or sinte but it was something i was yelled at for for years#and now i'll have spurts where i try to learn it and then i drop into a shame spiral because it's wrongbadwrong#and i can't make any progress because of this stupid on off pattern#how do you unlearn shame that teaches you your very existence will get you killed
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Bodies in Motion and at Rest – Thomas Lynch
[TEXT ID: It hurts so bad to think I cannot save him, protect him, keep him out of harm's way, shield him from pain. What good are fathers if not for these things? Why can't he be a boy again, safe from these perils and disasters? Lately I'm always on the brink of breaking.]
#SOB....#when i read this at first i actually had to go stand outside for a moment and take a breath because oough....#bruce & jason#cryptcites#how can he be expected to save a city and other men's sons when he couldn't even save his own?#but he has to try. he will always try. in jasons honour. in his memory.#thinking of that moment just after. no one to turn to to mourn with and grieve. the own guilt and your worst fear happening. your son dying#the what if's and million scenarios you imagine. what if you never adopted him? what if he never became robin? what if you told him you#loved him more? what if you didnt have that conversation with alfred that led to him running away? what if you tracked him down faster?#what if? how you could save him a million times but itll never be reality. then bruce carrying the photo of him to literally give#him a reason to keep going and a reminder of why he still has to save the others. just :(((#THAT ONE LEGENDS OF THE DARK KNIGHT PANEL#WHERE HE'S CRADLING JASONS CORPSE AND REMEMBERING HOW HAPPY HE WAS TO GET THE COSTUME#AND TELLING HIMSELF HE CANT ERASE THAT MEMORY HE CAN'T ERASE JASON'S LIFE AND HAPPINESS AND REPLACE IT WITH THE IMAGE OF HIM DEAD#I THINK IT WAS ISSUE 100? SECOND STORY. VERY :(((
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"When did you get a waterbed?"
And,
"I'll deposit your cheque at the bank."
Are wild to me.
#X Files#Monday#Ya'll def be fucking for SURE#BRING SCULLY TO YOUR WATERBED#That always messes me up did her memory get erased about it? I can't remember#But you got your girl depositing your cheque ok that's...ya'll closeee
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i know neuvifuri antis are delusional but why do they constantly fucking LIE and claim they haven't interacted since the archon quest when they interacted in both her story quest and the latest lantern rite!
#and neuv specifically says in her story quest that he's seen her other times before that#'this is the first time i've seen you like this [excited and happy] since your departure from dietyhood'#admitting publicly we didn't play her story quest and skipped thru every scene including her character in the events i see#i mean if my favorite man openly said he always loved the woman i despised maybe i'd erase it from my memory too LOL#for those keeping track at home since this is apparently a dickmeasuring contest according to the ship war obsessed losers#who can't admit their rival whose relationship was the the A plot of the archon quest has anything#theyve canonically interacted more times since she stepped down than she's even met that woman who assaulted her that people pair her with#who she doesn't even want to speak about much less ever interact with again#and as for prison warden boy.... the last time nf interacted in canon was..... the very same day he last interacted with chief justice. wow#when you're obsessed with denying the relationship upon which the nation's main plot hinged doesn't exist facts are anathema xDDD
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So many wips to finish, ideas to draw and write, not enough hours in a day
#i really want to write something with my oc again#if you believed that erasing your memories would free you from the pain you lived through and finally an opportunity to wipe your memory#popped up so you took this chance but now youre left as a blank sheet with feelings and pain you can't understand with your only remaining#memory being erasing all of your memories would thst be fucked up or what
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Listening to lore vids and have heard a few possible origins for the Forgotten Realms, with one being like 'yeah Selune and Shar were the first two deities after Ao'. There are a few different creation myths, but this only further convinces me that Shar needs to be demoted at all costs lol.
No wonder corruption within the pantheon is so bad, one of the progenitor deities is basically committing widespread malpractice and embezzlement.
If the DnD gods are to be held to any standard of professionalism, corruption needs to be addressed at the uppermost levels.
#Shar is not immune to performance appraisal#It's demotion or firing and given Selune is doing fine she's probably going to take the demotion over losing everything#Be a goddess of lies and destruction if you wanna Shar but you can't advertise like you're the most qualified divine grief counselor#If your worshippers are looking for coping mechanisms + the sheltering mantle of darkness and you as a goddess do not stock those things#Then you really need to change portfolios#It sounds like she does authentically hold jurisdiction over oblivion which is rad as hell#But that's very different from forgetting/suppressing memory as a defense mechanism#It sounds like she's more about erasing things from existence entirely#Closer to a total suicide of the self and the unmaking of reality#There are ways she can still advertise herself for what she wants to do professionally but current portfolio ain't it
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my crack theory is that yanqing is jingliu after transgenderism and amnesia
#source: ...#well technically back then i used to have ''what if i woke up a boy and past memories erased so i can live a different life?''#also the question about whether or not i would be happy with my life if i was a boy#i can't answer that but maybe i would be or maybe i wouldn't#maybe things that happened wouldn't have happened if i was born a boy or maybe those things would still happen#idk the what-ifs are fascinating tbh but thinking about them too much meaning i'd be lost#oopsie that's too heavy#but anyway yanqing and jingliu are both of ice element and yanqing's background is quite mysterious as well#what are the odds of picking up a child who is the same element and has the same talent in the same field your teacher had huh
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I've cried to tell me how so much that i forgot how it's somehow even more painful in the context of being the last track on after laughter
#girls when#can't call you a stranger but i can't call you i know you think i erased you you may hate me but i can't hate you or replace you#and#you don't have to tell me if you ever think of me i know you see me dancing wildly in the light of your memory#anddd#keep me up with your silence take me down with your quiet of all the weapons you fight with your silence is the most violent#and actually like every line of this song#anyway have i mentioned this album is a masterpiece#after laughter#paramore#shufflethoughts.txt
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agony i've been trying to sleep for an hour but i fucked up my sleep schedule over break so now i just have to lie here like "hmmmmm..... what if....... the harry potter obliviate wizards........ were bad at their jobs.......... and there was a secret colony of young magical & nonmagical children........ who remember magic... and know the wizards don't want them to...... and are in hiding..........."
#i'm thinking this is ~fantastic beasts era new york bc it feels easier to justify like 15-30 kids living on their own w/o like. jobs.#or getting caught.#they refer to losing their memories as 'getting erased'#bc at a certain point of magic exposure. yea. a lot of important or key memories might just go Poof. and take your personality with it.#some of them have seen it happen and those are the horror stories that spread in whispers#they know what happens if any of them get caught.#most of them have seen the horrors of magic (obscurial incident anyone?) and some of them have seen the beauties (fixing new york)#(+ newt was a LIL flippant w magic while he was there and yknow i'm willing to bet there were some other instances a small concealed child-#-could witness; also the magical creature pastries in the bakery. the kids aren't stupid they know he got Erased)#featuring a small magical child ~5-6 named andy he doesn't want to be a wizard bc he'll have to leave the group or they'll be found#also he's scared of wizards (but not magic)#+ the group leader giselle ~11-14; nonmagical angry and scared she knew about magic the longest has seen the most and knows the streets#she can identify wizards and does her best to work w the other older children to switch locations when the wizards sniff too close#also a poltergeist type ghost? can't research the Troll's lore bc it's 4:30 am and i'm trying to sleep#but like. a ghost that can physically manipulate the environment and can't be seen by nonmagical people as such#feeds off magical energy but decided to stick with this ragtag mix of magic and no magic bc it's funny and he's also kinda attached to them#they love their poltergeist buddy even tho the nonmagical kids can't see him just what objects he interacts with#at some point newt scamander loses his niffler and it finds its way to these children who name it richard and take it stealing with them#they love richard he's large and cute and when set loose in a jewelry store he cleans it out in under a minute#when newt tracks his niffler back to their hideout they emergency evac + knock him out lmfao#i kinda imagine newt being sympathetic? like there was that thing w the little girl he couldn't save#and now these kids right and probably eventually he's told the story via giselle trying to threaten him into staying tf away#and he'd obv be extremely worried for these kids n the possibility of an obscurial?#also he has some strong Nonthreatening vibes and i feel like he's not a government snitch even if the films iirc are tryin to make him a cop#newt scamander is not a cop idc fuck canon and fuck jkr#idk it's 4:38 am and i'm just trying to scribble down the thoughts before they leave#and hopefully FALL. ASLEEP. MY ALARM GOES OFF IN 4 HOURS AND 22 MINUTES.#REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE#not kpop#shut up vic
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sorry about my the doll seeks love breakdown do you still think i’m hot? anyways maybe the second episode of sxf will fix me (she says, knowing full well it will increase the brainrot)
#i just.#it's about gowther having a heart the whole time#it's about gowther being so scared of his past that he erases his memories every time he starts to remember so he won't have to feel that#pain again. it's about gowther learning what it means to be alive and what it means to love and be loved. it's about never giving up on your#friends and fighting to save them even from themself. it's about nadja dying next to gowther and gowther ripping his own heart out of his#chest and trying to put it in her body because he wants her to be alive and he doesn't want to be alone and she deserves to live and then#getting caught straddling her dead bloody body and being accused of using and murdering her even tho it was her illness that killed her#and taking the blame because he blames himself and labels himself as 'lust' and just. freaking. GUYS I CAN'T DO THIS THIS EPISODE IS A#MASTERPIECE I JUST--AHHHHHHHHHHHHH#learning that nadja loves him not because he can try and be like the heroes from her books but because he wants to make her happy and#because he's gowther. she loves gowther. and he loves nadja and just#i can't do this too unwell gonna go watch sxf and SOB
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watched Ariana Grande's we can't be friends (wait for your love) music video inspired by Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and can only wondering why Bastille didn't do it first? 'cause Dan literally references this movie in Remind Me. why he, as such a film nerd, didn't make a movie themed video (and didn't direct it himself) for this song? it would've suit both the lyrics and the aesthetic of the album very well. 'cause to be honest, the actual mv absolutley boring. Remind Me is such a beautiful song and deserve a better visualization
#bastille#remind me#bastille dan#dan smith#give me the future + dreams of the past#ariana grande#we can't be friends (wait for your love)#Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind#eternal sunshine#music video#gmtf+dotp#just want another video directed by Dan#love this song#it would be a very cool opposite to No Bad Days mv#use memories to bring love back to life vs erase memories of love that died#the duality of love you know
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━━ ❝ the way of the househusband ❞
☾₊‧⁺...cw : househusband!fushiguro toji x fem!reader, you are megumi's mom, flirting, playful banter, just overall silly and cute domestic life
☾₊‧⁺...lunar's note : just some simple lil toji hcs of him as a househusband! i need some sweet stuff of him without a lot of sexual stuff in it bc let's be real, in a domestic setting he's probably just a big clingy and mildly annoying bear husband
f. toji is never going to complain about being the one staying home, watching over the little gremlin that is megumi. he's got his own ways of bringing in money with that friend of his, shiu, but he's more than content to being the one in the frilly pink apron, cooking for you and the lil' man.
toji didn’t ever expect to get married, especially after how he was treated as a zenin. he didn't know much about love or how to connect with people, let alone you. but when you handed his ass to him with no struggle and a pretty smile on your face at the gym, he knew he wanted you. two years later and a shit load of aggressive flirting, toji ends up with you as his spouse and he wouldn't have it any other way.
so imagine toji's surprise when he's genuinely excited when you tell him your pregnant. he's excited but scared. him? a father? there's no way in hell he has any idea what to do, his own father was nothing but a piece of shit...so what if he turns out like him? but the moment you pop that big headed little fucker out of you, toji can't help but grin, that excitement of being a father and creating memories with this tiny little thing erasing all his fears.
whenever you come home from work, toji's usually in the living room with little megumi, who forced him to take part in the exercise part of his favorite kids show. you don't know how megumi, your one year old baby who still talked in little babbles, forced his massive giant of a father who could kill a man with a look to do 'exercise for baby,' but you know better than to question it when you see the two touching their toes in front of the tv.
sometimes, he's in the kitchen, however, wearing that 'kiss the cook' apron you got for his birthday. toji always wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you into a kiss, muttering a 'welcome home’ against your lips before poking your side and going back to what he was doing, proud grin on his face at the little screech he gets from you.
he's started to get better at dodging your hands when you go to poke him back, skirting around the table before going to scoop megumi up. “you would never do such an act in front of 'gumi, would you? what if he starts going around poking girls in their sides, hm? then i'll have to explain to his teacher that his mama can't keep 'er hands to herself.”
toji's got you there...so you back off, opting to press a kiss to babygumi’s little forehead, taking him from your husband’s arms when he makes grabby hands at you. you savor the betrayed look on toji's face, sticking your tongue out at him. he scoffs, rolling his eyes before going back to make sure dinner wasn’t burnt. he’ll get you back for stealing his son from him.
despite what people might think, there’s not really a 'dominant' person in the relationship. when together, the two of you give off some of the most intimidating vibes because of the sheer power the both of you carry. it's not even put off by little megumi, because if he notices his parents looking at you in disgust, he's gonna give you one that's even worse.
toji will never forget the day the three of you went to the grocery store, him in his usual black t-shirt and grey sweatpants, you in one of those same shirts and leggings with megumi in the kiddie seat in the shopping cart, eating from the little snack pack toji made for him. toji swears he walked away for three fucking seconds, and he came back to some...fucker getting ready to chat you up. it’s no surprise anyone that he gets pissed, ready to storm over there and make it clear you're taken.
however, it's clear you don't need him to step in, and damn, you look...really hot telling this dude off, angrily flashing your ring when he wouldn't back off. god, he wishes he could marry you again. toji doesn’t even know what you told the guy, and he's tempted to playfully ask megumi what happened, knowing his lil' man would try to respond in babbles and coos.
“he said you crawled out from the trash, toj, i can't stand for that! he could’ve done you some justice and said you crawled out of the deepest pits of hell, so I had to educate him on that. besides, he called you my boyfriend and I almost punched his face.”
“yeah? hm, i’m glad you didn’t, babe, we don’t want to get kicked out the store.”
“i don’t know, i think an imprint of my ring in his forehead would get the message across.”
“well, next time, how about we just kiss like we haven't seen each other in 15 years? not a fan of showing out to some dude, but i'd do it for you, sweetheart.”
“mmn!”
“right, lil' man? mama's so mean t' me, it's a good idea.”
“gumiiii, you're supposed to be on my side!”
occassionally, when you're at work, toji'll just talk to megumi, the little one nice and comfy on his chest.
one habit he'll never get out of is randomly calling you throughout the day when he's particularly bored and missing you. if you don't answer, toji will just leave you a message, usually about how badly he wants you to come home, groaning about how tired he is but he can't sleep without you in his arms, without you playing with his hair until he falls asleep. he's so in love with you, it's almost makes you dizzy.
you'll never forget the day you come home to toji and baby megumi in the front yard, crouched down around...something. parking in the driveway, you make your way over and see what they're looking at. it's...a kitten and a puppy, two tiny little things playfighting with each other. neither one of them say anything, just looking at the two creatures. you sigh, knowing exactly what this means.
"...give them appropriate names and make vet appointments. we aren't naming the dog 'hot dog' and we aren't naming the cat 'kitten'."
"i told you it would work, lil' man."
all rights reserved © lxnarphase | do not repost, copy, translate, or alter my work
#toji fushiguro x reader#toji x reader#toji x you#toji x y/n#jjk x you#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen hcs#toji fushiguro x you#toji fushiguro hcs#jjk hcs#jjk fluff#toji fluff#toji fushiguro fluff#🔪 ── toji.#𖤐 ── lxnarworks.
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The Provably Worst Gun for Home Defense
What is provably the WORST gun for home defense? A .22 single shot rifle is at least small and quick to point. A Barrett M82 is at least going to instantly stop whatever it hits. Even a good old fashioned musket is going to do good damage and won't hurt your ears. No, I wanted to know what the undisputable worst home defense gun in the world is; and I have found it.
This is the .950 JDJ Fat Mac. It is a 100 pound, 5 foot long rifle that shoots a one pound solid brass bullet at 2200 FPS. It is a non-NFA item only because the ATF gave it a sporting exemption as a joke as if anybody is going to hunt with this. This round would be overkill for hunting blue whales.
I would like to paint a picture for you. It's 2AM and you hear a window break in your living room. This is the worst day this could happen, as every single one of your guns was lost in a tragic boating accident this morning. All were lost except for one. You look across your room in dread at your anti-kaiju rifle. You know what you have to do, but you don't know if you have the strength to do it, both literally and figuratively.
Heaving the rifle into your arms, you load a .950 cartridge and begin to waddle towards the door. Your feet make a loud "thud" as you take each 6" step. You know the intruders hear you. You hope they do, for perhaps they will run and spare the world the suffering that is about to befall it.
You try to set the rifle down, but end up clipping your bedroom door and it is immediately knocked off its hinges by this battering ram in your hands. You attempt to round the corner, bonking the muzzle against the doorframe and adjacent wall across the hall at least 4 times.
To your horror, two invaders stand there at the end of the hall.
With a heavy heart, you raise the rifle to your shoulder while making inhuman grunting noises from the strain of attempting some semblance of a shooting position. The burglars simply stare in disbelief, unable to process the situation they are witnessing, as if in a dream.
You cannot aim the rifle, as the last time you fired the gun, it turned your $3000 Leopuld into a kaleidoscope. You simply hold it at an angle that appears correct and fire.
You are immediately knocked to the floor as if hit by a semi truck going 20 MPH. The shot connected with one of the criminals and it erased him from existence. Even the memories of him have been destroyed and you're wondering why you just shot into an empty hallway. The shot continues to travel through at least 4 houses, a car, and a 10 ton boulder before lodging itself 20 feet into a nearby hill, never to be seen again.
It is at this point, you realize you cannot hear.
The surviving burglar can't hear either but he's also on fire from the muzzle blast and is currently vacating your home. You don't care. Your shoulder is dislocated and there is a hole in your brand new AR500 refrigerator.
You're crying now.
The police arrive and, upon seeing the scene, start laughing. You start crying harder.
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