#can you tell I am Fixated On Sainthood | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

xx-vergil-xx · 1 year

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first lines/last fics x 10

the most wonderful @pellaaearien tagged me <3

Share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written less than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway.

im gonna cheat a little –– at the moment I only have four published fics/ WIPs (at least, four that survived the Great Purge when my hs deleted my school-affiliated google drive acct >:( ), so I'm gonna quietly count hounds’ latest chapter as a new thing (it may as well be with how goddamn long it’s taking me) and throw in a few starter lines from non-fandom poems/prose I’ve worked up lately :)

hounds ch. I –– There are parts of his life Hob Gadling sometimes wishes to forget.

hounds ch. XLII –– It feels too lonely, he decides, to be itinerant for the holidays –– and there is a new bounty of flora blooming between his ribs, a richness of petal-soft, fine-veined feeling, that makes him less jittery, less inclined to running.

sanctus dentes/canem dei –– “You don’t love me.”

l’enfer, le ciel –– April in Paris, 1934.

tidings of comfort and joy –– “Perfect weather for a ride,” says Squire Teleute de Morte Endelēas.

and here’s the non-fandom stuff <3

our lady of august –– August of ‘92 is like living in the mouth of a dog.

the saint of the mouth and the 32 teeth –– And on the 1st day, my Lord-God furnished his mouth-saint / with the fruit-cutters, the castanets and rabbit-chatterers, / and he speaketh thus ––

hagiography of st. mawr –– Arise, you cant’ring colt –– you foam-mouthed maw, / bedecked in jockey’s blood.

james dean –– You Speedster slugger, ye of turned-up collar, eyes / retaining stares all soft and swoony –– pass the crown / –– or sanguine jacket –– like a sainted relic down / for us, not quite so suave (misangled grins) our guise / a touch disjoint.

shame and country hunting –– Oh my chosen pillar, I loved and love you like a dog, / all fine incisors.

tagging the homies, the loves, the lights of souls!! as ever, not a jot of obligation –– we are neighbors in an indie coming-of-age film where our bedroom windows face each other and this is a wave from my window to yours @fishfingersandscarves, @dancinbutterfly, @wordsinhaled, @menthol-drops, @wizardofgoodfortune, @ghostboyjules, @moorishflower, @aberfaeth, @teejaystumbles, @mandolinearts <3 <3 <3

#doxxing myself for anyone in my workshop classes lmao <3 #the sandman fic #the sandman #vergil says hello #I love me a good tag game!!#thanks for the tag my friend :)#I miss writing hounds I've been in The Nine Circles of Busy lately #incredibly productive in turning-in-for-class fiction #not so much sandman-fiction #but it is in my heart and on my mind and I swear to god I want to finish hounds before I graduate college #it's gonna happen #a nice round ending #<3 <3 <3 #also what a theme I've got #can you tell I am Fixated On Sainthood #And Teeth #it's almost comical at this point #writing

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alwaysabeautifullife · 3 years

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Thank you for being a science affirming Catholic!

I’ve been considering becoming Catholic but then I talked with some Catholic blogs on here and they all were mocking people who were scared of Covid, mocking for me for getting vaccinated, not caring about those who have died. I know that doesn’t represent all Catholics of course but it was still extremely discouraging and put me off from the religion for a while.

So anyway, thank you for this blog, it gives even us non Catholics hope :) <3

I recently discovered a Saint named Bl. Pier Giorgio Frassati (somewhere on tumblr), and I think he has really been interceding for me, and I find myself thinking of him quite frequently. His quote “God gives us health so that we may serve the sick,” is a daily meditation for me. This year us Catholics had a most wonderful opportunity to tenderly care for the divine gift of our lives and the lives of others. How good is God to allow us to be the caretakers of our lives and the lives of so many beautiful and important souls. To say out loud “just lock yourself inside if you’re immune compromised, elderly, sick, dying, or afraid, so we can go with life undisturbed, so us physically healthy and young can approach the sacraments, the Holy Mass! Just stay home and hide so we can live!” is not my faith. It hurts me. It makes me angry.

For those who think I am “afraid of covid”, by being cautious, making attempts to reduce spread, I don’t really think they support and understand the value of life, truly. Healthy life maybe. Their own undisturbed and convenient life maybe. Lives of all, no. I’m so angry.

I am not in the habit of testing God. I don’t cross the street without looking both ways, I don’t drive intoxicated, I don’t life throw myself in front of cars or get in fist fights with lions and say “well I’m not afraid! God will save me!” I just don’t test God. I don’t need to. I know his work needs my dirty hands, and from someone who quite literally has risked their life and almost died following my faith, I still absolutely and whole heartedly make all attempts to protect my life, my gift that was given to me. It is not easy. It is the hardest thing I have ever done to constantly restrain myself to protect my body.

I’ll do my best to protect others.

At the same time...I try to give myself perspective. I have to believe they are giving their 100%. I have to look beyond my pain, my frustration, my sadness. I have to see with tender and loving eyes.

It has been hard this year to see ‘the great divide’. The divide between people who do what they can to avoid the spread and transmission of covid and those who risk their lives and the lives of others to continue doing whatever they want. It’s hard to even see a middle ground. People are dying, loosing jobs, housing, and people are alone. We are desperate to do the right thing and all seem to believe we are on the “right side”.

Where is the middle ground? It’s hard to see when we are dealing in absolutes, black and white, life and death.

I want to say to myself “I’m doing the right thing,” because I genuinely believe so.

Yet so does everyone else.

My heart hurts. The community I embraced so much feels cold. I miss their warmth and their fire for faith and life. But I’m against a majority.

So I do my best to fixate my eyes forward, at the mirror in front of me. I can only change myself, I can perfect myself, I can burn away all the parts of me that are unholy and imperfect. That’s all I can do.

In the meantime the Saints will keep me company. I’ll use my hands, my confusion and loneliness, and most importantly my anger and my pain, for my work. I’ll give all my tasks, each and everyone, as perfectly as possible. I hope we all do the same. I have been imagining my desk as a mountain I climb, and I meet all my new (Saint) friends there. [I make little portraits of them (thread, paint, drawing) and I tell them “if you want this to look like you I’ll need your help.”]

I hope I can grow enough spiritually to look at my fellow Catholics, and all people, with tender and loving eyes, eyes that know and see their words and actions come from their own joys and sufferings that I’m blind to.

If we all work tirelessly for our perfection and sainthood, the “middle ground” will be the place we all meet, Heaven.

#catholic

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