#c: ryan suriyasen
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angsty relationship asks: david/ryan
do they have a lot of arguments? if so, over what? so so so many. typically ghosting / lack of communication and “”needing space”””””. later: “pls stop trying to fucking kill me.””
who apologizes first? in what way? is it hard for either of them to apologize? seeing as ryan’s generally the one in the wrong,,,,,, he’s the one who Should be apologizing first. a lot of the time tho, he leaves it up to david or he apologizes w/o Explicitly apologizing b/c he has trouble owning up to being a shithead. ryan just gets softer and more affectionate w him, tries to do sth to make it up to him. a lot of “pls i didn’t mean it”” / “”forget abt it”” / “i love u”””.
which one has more insecurities? over what? david. probably abt whether or not he’s actually done sth wrong to warrant being treated poorly.
who gets more riled up? do they show their anger? nnnnn. it would depend on the context?? both of them are capable of showing their anger, lmao.
how do they hide their pain when they’re upset? do they try to hide their pain? on the rare occasion that ryan is not the one in the wrong he’s verbally v quiet abt being upset. he p much goes silent and gets v tense and untouchy. it takes a while for him to rly find the right words to be like “hey this upset me”” b/c on some lvl he’s always gonna feel like he deserves it.
who tries to make up first? does it work? ryan. he can go from 100 to 0 in the blink of an eye if he’s over it. will try to act like nothing fucking happened. it’s,,,,,,, iffy at best.
would they hate-fuck if they were mad at one another? if they had a falling out? eeeeeh. theoretically ryan could be into this but in practice he closes off when he’s angry so probably not. they’re all abt that make up sex game tho.
do they hold grudges? is it hard for them to let go/forgive each other? david does more so than ryan. once ryan is over sth, once he’s had the time to process it, he’s over it and doesn’t care to revisit it.
is there something big that could potentially tear them apart if it was revealed? no?? i mean there’s a lack of communication sure but they don’t rly keep things from each other??
if something already happened to tear them apart, what would make them come back together? is it even possible? main verse, i think they’re p much doomed. breakup au?? there would need to be a solid exhibition of Growth mostly on ryan’s end—in his stability, in the way he handles situations, in reeling in his vices. david would have to trust him to be better.
what’s their favorite pass time when they’re upset? leaving mean drunk comments abt himself on david’s videos.
who do they confide in when shit hits the fan (besides each other)? ryan always goes to his sister loren if he goes to anyone at all. 70% of the time he’s gonna keep that shit to himself tho.
is it hard for them to talk about their feelings openly with each other? if so, is there any way that can be resolved, even in the slightest? david is more open than ryan is when it comes to Real Shit. whenever ryan is gearing up to vent abt things he just ends up sitting there saying nothing. ryan needs a couple drinks in him before he starts talking tbh.
who grieves more when the other is away? david.
who misses the other more, or really thinks about them more? also david. it’s not that ryan doesn’t think abt him or miss him, he’s just less inclined to let it bother him.
do either of them have a special item (an article of clothing, a necklace, a book) that they use when they miss the other? if so, what is it? what do they do with it (read, wear, look at, smell)? ryan’s absconded w enough of david’s clothes,,,,,, he wears them around the house p much 100% of the time tbh, even when he’s not Highkey missing him.
who cries more? who gets more emotional in general? is this evn up for debate?? david. it’s david.
do either of them have the other’s stuff lying around their house? feel like david would be more inclined to leave shit lying around ryan’s.
how about teasing? do they tease each other while in a fight (whether it be with themselves or just general teasing)? unlikely. they generally take their fights p srsly?? unless it’s like clearly a fake argument then 5000% yes to both.
do either of them have any vices? ryan drinks too much and gets progressively worse as their relationship deteriorates.
what’s the thing they miss most about each other? ryan doesn’t usually miss one thing abt david in particular??? if he’s missing him, he’s missing him as a whole. if anything got to him in time tho, it would probably be the lack of physical touch. as shallow as that sounds, lmao.
what’s their go-to breakup/angst song? for ryan, trouble by cat stevens.
who’s more jealous? neither of them rly. like, sure, they’re falling apart but it’s not like there’s any legitimate fear of unfaithfulness or anything of that sort.
who is the first to forgive? again,,,,,,, not that david is the one who needs forgiveness, lmao. but ryan will convince himself that things are david’s fault evn when he Knows they aren’t; will then proceed to drop it and be all “””i just want us to be ok,, dw abt it”” ?????????? whom’st’ve’d.
what’s the one deal breaker for either of them (lack of communication, fear of commitment, etc)? lack of communication, def. and being “””needy””””””””.
who would take longer to let go? do they ever really “let go”? both of them get an F in letting go (see: the breakup au). never in the 4yrs that they were apart did ryan even Try to move on or let go. like did he date?? sure. but he never went into it w the mindset that it would last and the Smallest things fucked him up on how Wrong everything felt and how Not David everything was and he just,,,,,,,,,, No. also main verse????? david won’t go into the fuckign light and insists on terrorizing ryan instead???? double F in letting go.
which is more afraid of confrontation? neither of them are a fan.
who’s the first to distance themselves (if either)? u kidding?? ryan.
who’s more patient? is it hard to break that patience? david. he put up w so much, pls. that said, ryan likes to think he’s p patient w ghost!david but That is too little too late.
who’s the first to blame themselves? david. ryan will shift blame off himself evry chance he gets even when he Knows damn well he’s in the wrong.
who’s more likely to do something out of spite? both.
who would be the first to say they hate the other? would they mean it? ryan. not to his face but he def told his sister that he hated him not long before david died. he didn’t mean it for a single second. even when he starts being a shitty demon abt things ryan still doesn’t hate him. he clings so hard to this ideal version of david that,,,,,, idk if there will ever come a time where there isn’t this part of him that’s so incredibly deep in love w that version of him.
who worries more? in the grand scheme of things, probably david. but i don’t see either of them as particularly big worriers.
what scent reminds them of the other? firewood. warm sugar syrup. asphalt.
do they have any regrets (regarding the other, or just in general)? ryan regrets taking david for granted. he regrets not actively trying to better himself regardless of always arguing that he was “”Trying””””. he regrets that he couldn’t commit himself to having a proper Talk abt how they could begin to fix things. not spending more time w him. not giving him the love he deserved.
who’s quicker to walk away if a situation gets heated? ryan generally backs off if david starts crying??? but if they’re just having a yelling match and no one is crying,, it just goes down until it doesn’t.
who is more prone to anger? ryan. he’s more irritable at least, so small things can set him off.
who cries more in an argument? do either of them cry? david obvs. ryan cries After the fact when he’s alone but p much nevr in front of david. he Will cry in front of ghost!david tho b/c it’s not like he’s got a choice.
does it take a lot for it to get to the point of yelling? no,,..,,..,….,,,,,
who sleeps on the couch? can either of them sleep without the other? ryan sleeps on the couch but not rly b/c they’ve been fighting. he’s just restless and gets frustrated if he’s lying there for too long trying in vain to sleep. that said they can sleep w/o each other (ryan isn’t exactly the biggest fan of cuddling anyway) but they Do appreciate the idea of waking up together so,, while it’s nice when it happens, it isn’t Necessary.
who’s more likely to protect the other? ryan??? in that if someone is talkin shit or sth he will Pounce both verbally and physically if he’s gotta.
if one of them gets injured, who worries more? i mean ryan’s out here encouraging david to do risky shit, Sure, but he’s like,, halfway joking and if david gets so much as a Scratch u bet ur ass ryan is tending 2 that shit. whenever they’re play fighting or w/e ryan is also rly conscious of letting up if david shows any sign of discomfort. i think ryan is?? generally???? less inclined??? to get injured????? but he will straight up Fight ppl if they push him so idk,, david might have reason to fuss over him but it’s Rare. he was probably a whole five and a half messes after asking david to teach him how to skate tho.
who would be more afraid of the other’s death/harm? LOL. i feel like this wasn’t rly a thing they worried abt Legitimately?? then it Happened and,, rip.
who ends up yelling first? are they always yelling when arguing, or do neither of them yell at all? 50/50 depending on what the argument is abt.
who would be more likely to save who? i wld think both of them wld make efforts to keep each other safe?? can’t speak for ghost!david’s problematic ass.
who stays up at night brooding? ryan’s insomniac ass.
who has more dreams/nightmares about the other? ryan has a lot of both after david dies. if u thought he wasn’t sleeping well Before,, that shit got 100% worse. he hates both but the good dreams especially always choke him tf up.
who comforts who after a bad dream/event? ryan before. now, no one.
do they think about each other a lot? does it affect their performance/schoolwork? in the earlier days of their relationship ryan was so bad at work, especially if they had plans for after he was off. he was constantly checking his phone and sending not-so-sneaky texts. catch him zoning out thinking abt him too. if david ever surprised him at work he always came back late from his break, lmao. he was bad in other ways when shit started going downhill in that he was absent and cold and quick to snap at anyone who breathed in his direction.
if one of them were to come back after a long time, who would come to who? would it go well? would the other person take them back? don’t think either of them would actively seek the other out?? i.e their reconnection would have to come as a coincidence. this goes abt as well as u would expect. both of them are some part willing to take each other back but,,,,, there’s def some hesitation there. ryan doesn’t trust himself to not fuck up all over again and sometimes it’s like he’s watching himself frm the outside. he keeps slipping up and making moves and trying to get david into bed but he always ditches before they have a chance to get Too Deep into feelings. eventually he ends up spilling his guts ofc (“””i’m still so fuckign in love w u u have no fucking idea”””) and they eventually bite the bullet and decide to try again. how well That goes is up for debate.
#it took 70yrs but we got here#c: ryan suriyasen#s: don't mind you under my skin; let the bad parts in#v: love of life written by the dead#.mr#thanhpls#long post ///#v: i don’t belong to anyone else
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character flaw meme - ryan + #4
a trait they’re ashamed of
anything and everything he feels mirrors his father’s personality. his lack of control, for instance; his tendency to absolutely just….. tear into people who don’t even deserve it most of the time; trying to shift the blame off himself for things that are, in fact, his own damn fault; overanalyzing everything until he's straight up just making up the flaws; thinking he can solve shit by just having a drink or seven about it. there’s………………….. a lot.
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👀 [david/ryan] "If you could trade your life for mine on the night of the accident, would you?"
“If you could trade your life for mine on the night of the accident, would you?”
“I used to think about this a lot. Back when you first— um, back— back when it first happened. And I was so fucking angry it wasn’t me. I felt like it wouldn’t matter so much if it was me, you know? With us the way we were, it was like … I was already losing sight of what my life was supposed to look like. But you— you still had so much to give. And, god, I thought the fucking world of you, even when I didn’t. I thought you were wasted on me. I thought— no, no, I know there could never be anyone else like you—not for me, not for anyone.
And someone asked me once why I killed you. Like I’d crashed the fucking car on purpose. Didn’t have the guts to break it off so I killed you instead—who fucking does that? But I told him—well, I told him he didn’t know shit about us or me, first of all— but I also told him I wished it had been me. I still do.”
#i hate everything!!!!!!!! just so u know!!!!#c: ryan suriyasen#s: don't mind you under my skin; let the bad parts in#v: love of life written by the dead#.mr#starrdew#death mention ///
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[ david > ryan ] You are going to break your promise. I understand.
You are going to break your promise. I understand.
Ryan tilts his head away from the phone, halfway so he doesn’t have to hear the rest of what David has to say, and halfway so David doesn’t have to hear his exasperated sigh, the way he curses under his breath.
“This doesn’t have to be about you,” Ryan says, “but I can make it about you if that’s really what you want.”
“I know what I fucking said, David,” he snaps. “I know.”
He falls back into the mediocre comfort of his unmade bed, zones out on the line where the ceiling meets the wall as David goes on about something or other. He exhales slow, silent.
“No, no, I’m— I’m not fucking mad at you.” He almost laughs. But here, his voice softens significantly. “Listen, babe, I’m just tired, okay?”
“It’s not that I don’t want to see you. I mean—” I don’t trust myself to be with you. We both know I’ll only make things worse. They’ve been down that road before—Ryan giving into him, only to turn on him once he had him there, the words bleeding out of him like falling. He doesn’t want to do that to him again. “I had a long week and I need some time to myself, that’s all.”
“David—”
“David—”
“I know, David. I’m sorry, alright? Just— please.”
“I’ll make it up to you. I will.” He avoids making it a promise this time. Doesn’t want to give David the opportunity to use it against him. Doesn’t want to set himself up as a letdown yet again, though he’s sure he’s capable of it, promise made or not. These days, it’s what he’s good at. “Just give me one day. One fucking day and then I’m yours and we can do anything you want. Anything.”
“I’m trying, David, I really am,” he says after a long silence, voice low. And the words ache in his throat, like they’ve been worn through, tired of being used on David and himself alike. Time and time again I fucking come back from the dead for you. I bleed myself dry for you. Don’t you see that? I know it’s not enough, I know it isn’t, I know. But what more am I supposed to give you?
(And when he hangs up, when David can no longer hear him, Ryan will let himself cry. It will rage in him, the idea of losing David.
And later he will drink too much. Later he will shatter the week-old dishes sitting on his night stand and he will cut his hands on the shards of glass when he cleans up the mess.
Loving you is a lot, he will text him later, the words gnarled by intoxication.
「 1.33AM ; TO: DAVID 」 someitem s「 1.34AM ; TO: DAVID 」 i flee lik ei’m gonan fuckgin die「 1.36AM ; TO: DAVID 」 io love「 1.36AM ; TO: DAVID 」 i lvoe oyu「 1.36AM ; TO: DAVID 」 plsd on’thate me「 1.37AM ; TO: DAVID 」 ‘im sosry 「 1.37AM ; TO: DAVID 」 i;m tryinng so hardfor you「 1.38AM ; TO: DAVID 」 i’m「 1.38AM ; TO: DAVID 」 i’m tryign「 1.40AM ; TO: DAVID 」 i ovle oyu i lvoe you i l ov e u i loev you sso omuch it hruts i「 1.45AM ; TO: DAVID 」 i wanto be better for you i ewish i coudl be better your’e the onyl hthing thwt amkes any fycking sense to me i wnat to spe
He won’t remember falling asleep, one of David’s shirts clutched to his chest, bleeding through the material. Ryan won’t tell him about it.)
#shrugging emoji#i tried??????????#c: ryan suriyasen#s: don't mind you under my skin; let the bad parts in#v: love of life written by the dead#thanhpls#.mr
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character aesthetics — ryan suriyasen
#u evr just so tired of looking for photos u just don't care anymore#me too#c: ryan suriyasen#v: love of life written by the dead#.chraes#.gr
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david + ryan “Will you defend yourself? From me, I mean.”
“Will you defend yourself? From me, I mean.”
“Is that a threat?” you ask him.
You think of all the times you chased him in circles around your living room, your clothes and limbs catching on the edges of furniture. You think of all the times this ended in one of you pinned down to the floor, your howling 3AM laughter, you knee pressing into his ribs, his fingers at your collarbone, and you—you trying to bruise beneath his hands, trying to keep some part of him with you for later. You were in love with him then. Thought maybe you could be forever.
And you think this is not like those times.
Because now he is a blur at the edge of your vision. He is a flickering, dense darkness amongst the dark of your room, the weight of his presence sitting heavy in your chest, straining your bones, your lungs. And you curl into yourself, so, so cold, hands fisting into your sheets, trying to offset the nausea coiling inside of you.
(If you spewed your guts right here and now, would it taste something like losing him a third time? Because this time you think you’re ready. This time you think there’s nothing left in him for you to want. You’ve been falling apart all over again. And you think this is not a boy you loved the best you could, though never enough, never as much as he deserved.
It’s just that sometimes you couldn’t help yourself, you know? Sometimes you were just a pile of bones—unhuman, trying to rediscover what it meant to be a person. But you tried, you tried, and you were sorry, and you loved him, you loved him, you loved him—you mumbled it three weeks later into the hollow of his hipbone, thought maybe like this, he could forgive you.
You think if you could just get your hands on him, if you could tear him apart, you might find him inside somewhere, withered and rotting, shreds of your heart still stuck between his teeth.
But even then—even then—)
There is no way for you to win this fight. You know that. You think he does, too. If he wants to hurt you, he will hurt you. After all, you’re the one that killed him, aren’t you?
#this ship is cancelled i'm cancelling it#c: ryan suriyasen#s: don't mind you under my skin; let the bad parts in#v: love of life written by the dead#.mr#thanhpls#violence ///#death ///
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[ david + ryan ] "Don’t make it worse."
“Don’t make it worse.”
“I just—”
The rest of his words disintegrate into a sigh, inaudible beneath the hum of the radio still running from inside the car, inaudible beneath the hum of a city somewhere between sleep and awake. It’s not worth it, he tries to convince himself. It’s not, it’s not, it’s not. He’d promised himself he would be good for him, that he wouldn’t start anything, that he wouldn’t bring up issues still unresolved and pushed aside. Sometimes letting conflicts die to unspoken forgiveness (or lack thereof) is better than trying to apologize. Sometimes his apologies are better left unsaid—no chance to say the wrong thing, no chance to turn around and blame everything on David.
But the words of three nights before are still burning in his throat, their bitter aftertaste lingering in his mouth like the cigarettes the older boys used to give him back in high school, the fear his father would smell the smoke on him that came with it. It’s not dissimilar to the fear he feels now—that David is still thinking of his words, too, that he will let them make a home inside of him, festering, lying in wait to be used against him. (You said this to me once, remember?)
Ryan presses his lips into a hard line and offers a small nod—surrender. “Forget I said anything, yeah? Ever?” And he laughs here, quiet, almost sad. Sometimes I wish we could start over but I think I would only fuck up all over again. I don’t want to lose you, I don’t want to lose you, but I don’t know how to stop.
He tugs weakly at the front of David’s shirt, more suggestion than demand. But “come here,” comes more desperate than he means for it to be. Ryan senses his hesitation. And the moment that it takes for David to step forward feels like it drags on for far longer than it actually does, but if nothing else, the familiarity of David’s body slotting into place between his thighs comforts him. Reassures him that they can and will be okay, at least for tonight.
Ryan leans up from where he’s perched on the hood of the car, arching into the space between them. Leaves a kiss at the corner of David’s mouth, chaste. And “I love you,” Ryan reminds him. “More than anything—you know that, right?” I’m sorry it’s still not enough.
#(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(::((:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(((((::::::#c: ryan suriyasen#s: don't mind you under my skin; let the bad parts in#v: love of life written by the dead#.mr#thanhpls
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ryan: ♢: How they share a bed with your muse / ☆: What they miss about your muse when they're apart : ) ) ) / ♣: How they hold your muses hand
♢: How they share a bed with your muse
ryan isn’t really into cuddling but he’s hella clingy in his sleep. he’d fall asleep curled into himself at the edge of the bed only to wake up halfway on top of david. especially since his own bed could barely accommodate the both of them.
☆: What they miss about your muse when they’re apart
((((i’ll break this down into before and after david’s death))
he didn’t really miss anything specifically. unless ryan was in one of his moods, he just wanted to be with him, whether it be going out or staying in, just doing whatever it is trash boys do. he enjoyed and was very comfortable—at least until the later stage of their relationship—with david’s energy. it was definitely something he missed when they weren’t together, but i feel like once their relationship was established, they were together often enough / kept in contact well enough when they weren’t that ryan wasn’t ever really too bothered by it. (though a thirsty text or two might beg to differ.)
as far as after, basically everything. even the things he didn’t particularly care for before. he often catches himself watching and rewatching pointless little videos of david that he has on his phone or listening to old voicemails about literally anything just to hear his voice again. he’ll listen to songs he never liked on repeat because he remembers david liked them. on the occasion that he finds the motivation to actually go out and be a person, he revisits places david used to take him. he really misses being touched and i mean, there’s………….. really only so much he can do for himself to cope with that. he finds some comfort in wearing shirts that he absconded with, and when he’s just sitting around watching tv or browsing his phone or whatever, it’s become a habit for him to pull it up and breathe in what’s left of david’s scent. he didn’t really realize it before, but david helped keep him in line. there’s no one else he feels comfortable really talking to and he misses having that because now he’s dealing with a lot of pent up confusion and fear about his future. ryan just………………. misses him a lot.
♣: How they hold your muses hand
it would change depending on the situation. if they were walking it was unlikely for him to do more than just hook one or two fingers around david’s own. (in this case he was generally more of a hand on the back of the neck / hand on the waist type of person.) but if they were sitting around and chilling, it wasn’t uncommon for him to pull david’s hand into his lap and trace the lines of his palm and fingers; sometimes he’d do little drawings or write him messages.
#i hate all of this i hate them#c: ryan suriyasen#s: don't mind you under my skin; let the bad parts in#v: love of life written by the dead#.mr#thanhpls
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Your fave is problematic: ryan
ur fav is problematic: ryan suriyasen
mean flirt
emotional capacity of a soggy dead leaf
want to know what’s wrong?? want to know what he wants??? too bad!!!!
can’t actually take care of himself despite claiming otherwise
disappears w/o notice for like three weeks when he gets overwhelmed and then is like “”lmao srry!! i fell asleep lol”
Will fight u,,,, don’t test him
is still out here wearing clothes he stole from david for like five days at a time rip
may or may not be dtf a ghost but u didn’t hear it from me
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[ ☯ ] my muse tells yours that they never want to see them again. ( well of course ryan to his shitty demon bf )
[ ☯ ] my muse tells yours that they never want to see them again.
Once, Ryan might have liked this. Thought maybe there was something to be had here, past the guilt—a level of intimacy and depth that transcended anything they had ever been capable of. Once, he might have found comfort in the heaviness of his bones, strained with the effort of carrying two souls. Now, he can’t remember the last time it came separate from the dread. It’s just—
To deny him anything these days seems cruel still, though in the times he chooses to show himself, he looks less and less like Ryan remembers him. It’s just—
He’d been so tender in his request, if nothing else, him and his cold, cold hands. Ryan, unable to hold him close enough, tight enough. For the moment, in a lapse of judgement, it felt like the right thing to do, to let him in.
Because David is a gaping wound inside of him, a hollow in his soul where the edges keep fraying, where he fits just right until it’s too much. And Ryan collapses—dry heaving with his forehead to the back of his hand, his palm to the floor. There are unshed tears in his eyes, sweat clinging to his temples, the phantom taste of blood curling out over his tongue.
“I told you— five days ago, David— I told you to get out.” His voice, his body is shaking, his breath coming in desperate gasps. He feels like he could shatter if touched, like his body is no longer sure how to be his body. “You know I can’t— I can’t— fuck, David. You really want— you’re really trying to fucking kill me, aren’t you?” Ryan lifts his eyes, finding the flicker of him through the blur of tears, through strands of hair, and Ryan looks at him, but he does not see him.
“You know, all this time I thought— I thought things would be better like this. Like, if you weren’t really gone. And it’s funny. Because I never thought I’d want you gone, but— I do, David. I do.”
#one of these days i'll finish a meme for a ship that isn't this one lol#today was not the day#c: ryan suriyasen#s: don't mind you under my skin; let the bad parts in#v: love of life written by the dead#thanhpls#.mr
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ship thing for david and ryan
Who said “I love you” first: ryan v unceremoniously and halfway accidentally, a hot second away frm evaporating out of his body, screaming internally for 5hrs straight
Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background: ryan’s backgroudn is david’s nudes jk wld david evn send those but uhhhhhh depending on the timeline,, i could see both of them doin this…,,., said picture is either gonna be some Cute Couple Selfie OR it’s gonna be the Grossest most Unfortunate candid photo in existence,,, no in between
Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror: concept: ghost!david doing this
Who buys the other cheesy gifts: david,,, when ryan buys gifts they’re weird ass potentially cursed objects frm the thrift store
Who initiated the first kiss: drunk ryan
Who kisses the other awake in the morning: david??? b/c ryan’s method of waking david up is fuckin,,,, Pouncing on him
Who starts tickle fights: r y a n
Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower: ryan thinks showering alone is Tedious and Boring so like,,, 4 out of 5 times he’ll either try to join david or ask david to join him lmao
Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch: david during Better Times
Who was nervous and shy on the first date: both of them tf
Who kills/takes out the spiders: if david doesn’t do it,, then no one,,, ryan leaves them alone and lets them chill b/c ““they’re not hurting anyone (((::::”
Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk: mayb both of them but this is ryan’s fuckin Jam
#gross#c: ryan suriyasen#s: don't mind you under my skin; let the bad parts in#v: love of life written by the dead#thanhpls#.mr
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"BEEP" david/ryan
a late night text
「 2.59AM ; TO: DAVID 」 i know it’s hardly my place to act like this isn’t entirely my fucking fault but i miss you「 3.01AM ; TO: DAVID 」 can i see you later??
a wrong number text
「 5.21PM ; TO: DAVID 」 he’s driving me up the fucking wall「 5.26PM ; TO: DAVID 」 fuck sorry that was for tyler「 5.26PM ; TO: DAVID 」 manager wants me dead i swear
a final text
「 11.48PM ; TO: DAVID 」 this is short notice but i’m outside「 11.48PM ; TO: DAVID 」 do you think we could go somewhre and talk?
#i randomized 3 b/c 1 is not enouGH#c: ryan suriyasen#s: don't mind you under my skin; let the bad parts in#v: love of life written by the dead#.mr#starrdew
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david/ryan + things you said after it was over
things you said after it was over
He doesn’t know why he does it, why he lets himself ask him. It’s a dangerous equation—him and David, him and alcohol. Truthfully, he’s not sure which is worse when either is a disaster waiting to happen, let alone both at once. But two weeks have passed since Ryan last saw him, three since everything aligned to bring them back into each other’s lives, and not a day has gone by where he hasn’t thought of David. He stays at the front of Ryan’s mind, right behind his eyes, like a fucking headache. And are you available tonight? Ryan asks him, meet me for drinks? He doesn’t mention how he’s dying to see him again. Nor does he mention the vapid hookups he’s subjected himself to in the meantime, desperate to find even a whisper of what David makes him feel. Even now, even after all this time. It aches in him now more than ever—to be near him, to not have him.
He’s somewhere between his third drink and his third shot when he presses into him too deep, burrowing into David’s side like he belongs there still, their bones carved to fit against one another. He finds an excuse. (I’m cold;The music is too loud and I can’t hear you; I’m drunk and I miss you and please, I just want to be close to you.)
Ryan cranes his neck to look at him, and they’re close enough that he feels David’s breath ghost over his skin, close enough that he smells the alcohol on him, too. And “David,” he says. The name feels foreign on his tongue still—trying to rediscover what it’s like to use it again. (Of course, the intoxication doesn’t help, but he’s kept it safe.) “David,” he tries again, softer this time. And everything is hazy, but Ryan manages to meet his eyes, if only for a moment.
“Are you happy?” Ryan asks him. The question feels vague and somewhat ridiculous, easy to misconstrue. He shifts, uncomfortable. Stares blankly over David’s shoulder. “I just— I don’t know. I guess I just want to know if it was worth it, you know? If I did the right thing, because I’m still— you fucking ruined everything for me, you know that? Don’t— I don’t even mean that in a bad way, really, I just— I need you to tell me you’re happy. Please. Just tell me it’s fucking fine.”
#srry this is trash but???? i don't want to spend 34802348yrs trying to edit it b/c then it will nevr evr get posted#so here u go: have some trash#c: ryan suriyasen#s: don't mind you under my skin; let the bad parts in#realistically we should have a tag for this au?????????#thanhpls#.mr#v: i don’t belong to anyone else
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