had the real joy of attending a life drawing class last night! it was a highly productive 3hrs tbh

In always scared ill forget something so crucial to me. In how i navigate life. That im scared of being myself because i think that im not ready or prepared and ill clam up- sometimes i say smth and later only correct myself in head later on- well alotta the time actually but like i forget that i can just speak up and own up to it and kind of redo even if the moments past because that was important to me and it means alot for me even if it doesnt to the other person like it self serving a bit yes but i kmow that i need to honor that feeling and defend what i beleieve in and my pursuit in trying to do my best and correcting smth that i feel thag i messed up on is what that looks like for me. I feel like that wud help me. Lately ive found that ive kinda fallen out of what i wanna live for. And also there was this instabce where i set myself free in how i behaved and i just felt like i was on a roll. Which was fun and its veen made terribly evident that everything we do is inventing like eevverrrything yknow my nasty habits have been acting up lately and ive been self aware if this and usually ill just shut myself down withour actually delving into why i thunk or feel things so strongly in the first place. And i mean I'm a chronic overthinker so that in itself might be selfsabotage but like when feeling are that pronounced shouldnt it be a priority to find put why or is that gonna send me spiralling or to discover more of myself. Im still scared uhmm.maybe i dont give others enough credit or maybe its that i shud cut myself some more slack and prioritize my reality more.gawwwd idk.