Everyone posts about how Stardew Valley is a cozy LGBT+ inclusive game but NO ONE mentions the lack of a platonic option for the bachelors/bachelorettes. Which would be good for aspec people and also just more pleasant for many casual players I believe but that's not even the point. I just want to become best friends with everyone and not only does that require me dating everyone at once and feeling like a sleazebag because of it (ik the bad cutscene can be avoided but I know in my heart they'd be hurt if they knew) BUT it also means the women flirt with me!!!!! Constantly!!!!!!! It makes me sick to my stomach. Truly ruining the characters I liked

Okay, so I have a lot of questions. First, what are all the terms for asexuality? Cause I see a lot of different terms and I am not sure which ones apply. Second, the brother to my Inquisitor OC is asexual, but flirts a lot with people. Would that be an accurate or acceptable representation? Third, how would I write him explaining to people that he is asexual? Or would that depend on how he is as a character? I'm not trying to imply all asexuals are the same, I just want to get it right.

Thank you so much for asking! And I’m so happy you have an ace character, that’s really exciting! I hope you don’t mind me publishing this ask, let me know if you’d rather discuss privately and we can switch to IM or something!!

edit: I should specify that this can be experienced very differently from person to person, so if anyone else wants to comment or add their thoughts feel free!

So, asexual is sort of the blanket term for everyone who does not experience sexual attraction, no matter how often or in what way.Demisexual is a common ace term you’ve probably heard. It’s a type of asexuality where they only experience sexual attraction in specific situations. As an example, they might only experience sexual attraction after forming a close bond with them. There’s this misconception that this simply means they don’t want to have sex until that bond is formed which isn’t how it works. I’m only talking about attraction here. So, say you’re dating someone and several months go by and you start to develop sexual attraction. It’s kinda weird because you’re going about your day being ace then, suddenly, bam, there’s this one single person that you are attracted to in a way you haven’t experienced before and it can be a very confusing. Then there’s people who are flux who go through periods where they feel no sexual attraction, and periods where they do, so they fluctuate back and forth. That can be a confusing one to work out as well. I’m blanking on other terms, so if there are some I’m missing feel free to let me know and I’ll go into those as well! And if you’re curious about how this can combine with romantic attraction I’d be happy to go into that more too. Some people may only ID as ace whereas others may id as gay or bi etc as well.

So, you’ll notice all through this, it doesn’t really have anything to do with sex itself. I imagine this can be as diverse as it is for other orientations. There are sex positive aces, sex neutral, and sex repulsed. You can fall into any one of these categories and have/not have a libido/sex drive. Just out of aces I’ve met, I think I’ve come into contact with every combination possible lol. It’s kind of shitty, I feel like aces with a libido tend to get bashed the most because asexuals are usually thought of incorrectly as having no association with or desire for sex. I mean, just in the last few weeks I was told that asexual means not having a sexuality which– guys, it’s a sexuality by definition, come on. But anyway, the point is, aces can enjoy and desire sex, although not all of them do.

The reason I made my Adaar sex repulsed is because there is so little representation. Usually if you ever see something close to ace representation, there’s always something gross where the ace person learns to like sex or whatever because mainstream romance seems to require sex in order for relationships to be “real” but as long as you aren’t doing that, or having tones of an ace character trying to defend their orientation with “I can have sex just like you” or “sex is a requirement so I guess I’ll do it even though I don’t like it because I love you” or something like that, there isn’t anything wrong with having an ace character who has/enjoys sex.

A few example of how not to do it: Cole was written very aro/ace, saying he isn’t attracted to anyone and acting confused whenever anyone asked him about it. That is, until he ended up with the bard and now isn’t aro/ace anymore because he is “human after all,” implying that you have to feel romantic/sexual attraction in order to be human. Sorry I’m still bitter lol. There’s also Sebastian’s romance in DA2. He probably isn’t ace since there’s nothing that seems to imply it but he did want a chaste relationship and there are multiple comments about how it isn’t a real relationship because of that. Then there’s all the fanfics where seb is forced into sexual situation by an unsatisfied partner because they consider it a requirement in a relationship regardless of what Seb actually wants. Or as if they could just get Seb to have sex, they’ll both be happier and their relationship would be more fulfilling. If you have an exact situation you’re worried about, you can always ask and I’d be happy to give you my opinion or recommend things to avoid!

As for your character, having him be flirty is perfectly fine! I know lots of aces who make crude jokes all the time too. A common hole people can fall into is making an ace character naive or childlike, as if that’s a requirement for being ace. (It made sense for Cole since he isn’t human and doesn’t know much about it, although inhuman ace chars is also kind of a stereotype) Tbh, I find ace people are usually pretty open and unflustered when discussing sex. I don’t know if it’s a common experience, but I think some aces probably look up sex trying to figure out what the appeal is or what the heck sexual attraction actually is lol. So yeah, they are rarely naive and can probably talk about it very casually. (Although there are plenty of sex repulsed aces who don’t like to see or talk about it)

As for how he might explain it to someone, hmm, I’m not completely sure. It’s a bit harder to talk about in a time period when they wouldn’t have a word for it. I guess it probably depends on who he is, who he’s talking to, and how the discussion came up. In the ace inquisitor fic I posted last night, Adaar was specifically worried about entering into a relationship that might expect sex from him and, since he is sex repulsed, he wanted to be upfront and clear about that before they got anymore serious. If your character is sex positive, it can be a bit more difficult to explain his asexuality. Maybe have him express confusion when someone is admiring something they find sexually appealing? I mean, anyone can appreciate bodies, but the overly sexual way Bull discuss what he find attractive about women might be kind of confusing or weird to him. A lot of this could depend on his romantic attraction as well. My Adaar is gay as well as ace, but if your oc is aromantic, he could just talk about how he isn’t interested in anyone. Feel free to give me more information and i’d be happy to offer suggestions or tips! Also very sorry this was so long lol. Feel free to let me know if I missed something or explained it badly!!