#but uh. unfortunately i’ll probably be delaying all of my creative endeavors for the next little bit
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vent post pt. 2, the dreaded sequel
#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw vent#cw vent post#okay the ‘never ever wanted to die’ part isn’t exactly true. i just don’t count how i felt from the ages of 12-15 or so#because that was a very strange time where i’m honestly not sure how much of what i felt was even real or honest#and how much of it was really just a kid needing help and expressing it very poorly#but from 15/16 onward or whatever exact age i was when i had my whole ‘oh holy fuck i really really don’t want to die’ crisis/awakening#from then i’ve always been vehemently on the side of life and wanting to live as long as i possibly can#which is interesting because things have done nothing but get exponentially worse and more difficult for me ever since#but smthn shifted in me when i realized Oh Fuck I Actually Want To Live and that desire has yet to be defeated#but anyways enough bragging about how much i don’t want to die lmao#it really does feel like bragging since it’s obvious to me that so many other people don’t feel that way#and i hate that. i wish no one ever had to deal with feeling that bad and death being the only thing their mind jumps to as a solution#sigh. anyways#i regret to inform y’all so i’m making this little announcement in these tags where hopefully no one will even see it lmao#but uh. unfortunately i’ll probably be delaying all of my creative endeavors for the next little bit#until i take care of the pressing real life issues that are weighing me down and until i am in a better environment#that will actually be conducive to my creativity instead of me struggling to make things while also struggling to just. like… live. y’know#and i know it’s not like there’s really anyone out there on the edge of their seat to consume anything i make#but this little announcement is more for myself than anyone else i guess. i have to almost force myself/give myself permission#to stop working on my various projects. and instead work on getting all of my irl ducks in a row. and get to a place where i feel safe(er)#because i’m really working against myself right now. cart before the horse almost.#so caught up in personal projects and future dreams that i’m ignoring the current growing issues in my day to day life#and i’ve done good in the later half of this year at beginning to tackle them one by one#but driving and potentially moving out of things don’t change here are the two biggest ones that i’ve yet to face#so i really have to accept that i need to change those and as a byproduct of that- stop dividing my attention onto so many other things#so my usual snail-pace of writing and video making (even tho the video making has mostly been behind the scenes work thus far)#is going to screech to an almost-halt while i focus on personal stuff. and next year should be much better as a result
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