#but this is the first time I’ve been drawing since the tbi | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tobyisave · 7 months

Text

the plot of "ethanol"

aka that Adamandi fanfiction I never finished last year (OTL) and companion to this drawing (x)! There were only a few pages (that I will never release) so instead here's what was going to happen, according to my old notes doc... it's mostly just Vincent angst I'm not gonna lie. I kinda stopped because I realized there was no plot at all and that's not how stories work

Also: I did not write adamandi. And it's been a *second* since I was Vincent. And cannot stress enough that even the finished parts of this are wildly unfinished. So make of this what you will kdlfdsjf

(tw for body horror, medical horror, suicide, self harm, others harm, vomit, you know the drill it's Adamandi)

CH1: "I love you, too"

Vincent wakes up in Hancock Infirmary, the medical center on Ardess campus. (It's incredibly sketchy that he's not in the local hospital instead -- especially since the Infirmary has been openly racist to him and Quincy before -- but evidently this is the best way to keep things under wraps.)

He has a traumatic brain injury (from fighting Beatrix), is probably a little drugged, and starts freaking out because he's in pain and everything looks super flat and fake...

But he sees his Phaethon award letter sitting on the nightstand and feels so relieved that he lets himself fall back asleep.

Later the doctor tells him "what happened" including a reference to Vincent’s suicide attempt and "stabbing his own eye" to which he's like my WHAT. He finally realizes he can only see out of one eye - he pokes his fingers into the "soft, swollen folds of meat" on his face (thanks past toby) and finds that the eye is completely gone.

Doc is like you might have amnesia? You also have a TBI. Also fill out this form to make sure you wont kill urself when we release you

Specifically, the form is like “How often in the past two weeks have you: Had trouble sleeping…. Had thoughts that you are a failure….. Wanted to hurt yourself….. Attempted suicide….” And because he only ticks the last one the final score is "1" and the doctor's like okay free to go! (this is totally anachronistic but i think its funny so it stays)

Doctor makes him call someone to help him get home.

For some reason he doesn’t want to call Quincy (he thinks bc he hurt Quincy really bad). He thinks over who else he could call – oh yes, that guy I’ve been hanging out with lately, Ambrose! Wait fuck…. For the first time he realizes that Ambrose is not here.

After phoning Quincy to pick him up (Q cries on the phone, V feels moved to but genuinely doesn't have the energy to cry or even say much - and they say I love you to each other, except its Weird and Uncomfortable this time), Vincent roots around in the medical waste bin and pockets his enucleated eye, which he's alarmed to find is bloody and kind of smashed to a pulp.

CH2: pretty peppermint green

(title from "asthma" by b/ulldog eyes)

Quincy shows up (btw they're they/them in this because I can) and Vincent remembers pretty much everything. They share a reluctant kiss --- after which Vincent is content to slip into the fantasy that things are back to normal --- and walk back to the dorm. It's lightly misting outside. On the way there, Vincent stops and kneels to vomit from his intense headache and nausea. Quincy tries to hold them/help them up after and it makes Vincent's heart race.

In Quincy's room, they lie in bed. Vincent is often the big spoon (lol) but he feels the eye in his front pocket squish against Quincy's back, so they switch for undisclosed reasons. Quincy keeps saying they're so glad Vincent is back and they love him so much. That strikes a terrible weird chord with Vincent, and he's just lying there and he can't see Quincy's face and he's practically pressed between them and the wall and he can't stop feeling like there's another guy in the room watching them both, and he's not sure if the knowledge that there isn't is comforting or scary, and he starts freaking out until he has to leave the room.

(Why that strikes a weird chord: Quincy kept dissing him until now, and now is lovebombing him? Is that because Vincent finally earned their respect academically or because Quincy is guilty or what? He can usually tell what Q's thinking but it's very opaque to him right now - either because of the TBI or because their history is so extreme. And what usually makes him feel calm and well - ie Quincy - is not working anymore).

Vincent goes downstairs and sleeps on the basement couch. He unlocks this memory -- or is it just an image he constructed to fill the gap? -- of Quincy holding him, the weapon still in their hands, those hands still bloody, their face twisted in a horrific expression he can't even describe.

CH3: 20 grams

(title - from "duck or ape" by roar - but references an old paper that claimed to experimentally calculate the weight of a soul by weighing a person before and after death - they were purportedly 20 grams lighter.)

In the morning, Vincent goes to his own dorm. His chair and desk and bedframe were all burned in the pyre, plus most of his paper and books, so there's just big square sun-stains everywhere and a lot of empty space.

He goes to his bottom shelf, where there's a few empty jars & cans & stolen lab glassware, and puts his old eye in an open beaker. There's a big jug of ethanol under his bed and he pours some in to preserve it. (This has been making the room smell awful by the way). The beaker goes on the shelf next to an array of other trophies (aka student organs) which he'd left as a sort of last display of genius that the world could find after he killed himself.

He goes to the mirror and is unnerved to realize that he's been fully bathed and his hair has been brushed out. He checks all the bruises on his body and tries to recount where he got each one - most are from previous murders and some are from the pyre. Even though he literally just got out of the hospital where he lost an eye, he looks a lot better than in the past few weeks just because he finally got some fucking sleep and idk they probably had him on an IV or something

After that he looks at his eye again with morbid fascination --- he's seen this exact wound on corpses before, but never seen it healing.

He considers taking out his surgery kit and trying to fix the eye. There's this question of if he could repair his damaged eye and see through it again, would he be able to see Quincy the same as he used to? His right eye never saw Quincy betray him. He wonders if Quincy burned themself again after last night - the first time he remembers that knowledge - and tears come even though he's still just standing there absently.

Anyway when he goes back to the shelf to look at his old eye, he frowns at how fucked up it is, and pulls down the bottle next to it instead. In the bottle are two blue eyes. He pulls one out in front of the mirror and presses it into his socket, which is rapidly filling with fluid; it overflows out of the socket as he pushes the eye in. This is agonizing because he's putting an eye covered in ethanol into an open wound.

He stands there looking at himself, still in his jacket, with one finger up to hold the eye in place, for like 10 straight minutes. He recounts all the unbelievable things he's done this year, the way people looked at him a bit differently as he started to get his act together. The way they looked each time he wound up the killing blow. Ambrose's eye still looks completely out of place on Vincent's face.

Everything else that happens!

Quincy & Beatrix

Beatrix was also going to be at the hospital for back up in CH2 apparently. so pretend that happened

Quincy finds out about the preserved eye (idk how lol) and confesses to Beatrix that it creeps them the fuck out. Beatrix assumes it's because it represents Quincy's guilt and tries to reassure them. That makes Quincy feel worse because to be honest they just thought it was disgusting and scary to see their lover's disembodied eye looking back at them from the bottom of a beaker.

Graduation

The three of them are planning on going together and walking through the Ardess Randolphitz graduation gate etc etc. Except all of them are kind of having a trauma reaction to the idea of going to graduation. Less so Quincy, because they missed the pyre graduation speech, but yeah. Nobody likes that.

Vincent thinks about skipping graduation but then checks his mailbox and realizes he failed two of his classes this semester. AN: In my notes it said this: the letter says he has to take an extra course to graduate - he literally cant afford that (used to have a scholarship but obviously broke the contract) so he can't graduate. His family is in China and he cant stomach the thought of explaining everything to them.

(Right before the Pyre scene he mailed a copy of the newspaper accusing him of murder to his family because he wanted his mom to see what he did (/pos??). Then he has this sudden realization that his mom has no idea who Vincent Aurelius Lin is. Not really that relevant to this fic, but I actually consider this canon to the show because I sat backstage and did it every night with the newspaper prop lmao)

Anyway I don't think the graduation logic checks out anymore, I mean he won the Phaethon so he kind of has to graduate lol. Oh well.

Quincy & Vincent

Honestly... I didn't write a lot about what happens with them because one of the central concepts of the fic is that they break up! And unfortunately I seem to have stopped working on this around the time that Quincy reentered the story, so I have no idea what that actual arc was going to look like. Upon revisiting this story though, it's pretty obvious I was just using everyone else as a sounding board for Vincent angst anyway... so that kind of sucks lol

Room situation

Vincent... doesn't have a bed... so he sleeps in the basement of Stutton (?) again. Unlike the months leading up to the pyre where he was completely sleepless (aka restless and unable to stop mentally planning each of his murder schemes and the things he would say about what inspired them after it all came out), he falls asleep really easily now (...because of the TBI). Beatrix encounters him there and heres a quote from my google doc:

B: oh my god. don't tell me you lost your keys again

V: no. i just… dont have anywhere to go

B: … do you want my room key? like ill have to kick you out in the morning but me and portia are pulling an all nighter right now

V: thats not what i meant. (licks lips) beatrix im not graduating

(AN: damn.... where CAN he run........)

B brings V to news room where portia and her are working, planning to use portia as the emotional support dog. this works on portia's end but vincent is not very reactive.

Beatrix is renting a house for the summer and invites Lin to sleep on her couch (upon learning that he planned to squat or get back with Quincy to survive)

Summer: Bea's house

P: Bea, he's a murderer! You're going to let him live in your house? Alone?!

B: Harper, just.... look at him

*The most hollow dead eyed broken toy of a Vincent you've ever seen*

^^^^ this is like the establishing quote of the fic, just vincent looking like that is the whole concept actually. Obviously thats also what I tried to capture with the drawing too

While shes at work he gets very understimulated and he wants to Plot Evilly and hes really really frustrated that he cant (because that project is over and he can't focus)

he used to journal/stalk every day but "lately... i cant even remember whats been happening lately." he has headaches constantly and hasnt written in weeks

he starts chain smoking on her couch (AN: interesting choice sldjfsdkfjdsfls)

she gets back and is upset about this (the smell and he used like all of her cigs)

→ a) he realizes he cant really feel remorse over this (only intellectually he understands it and goes outside)

-> b) he's confused to see her refuse a cig from him. okay bea thats new what are you pulling here

in her office, bea (feeling like she has adopted a stray dog) chews gum while reading a terrified letter from quincy who is about to move

(AN maybe anachronistic that bea would try to quit smoking at this time?? im not sure.)

(Also - not sure if this ever came up explicitly, but in our production, Beatrix is the one who first offered Vincent the occasional smoke back in the day, and instead of ever buying any he mostly grubbed them off her (which you can maybe see at the beginning of little more in love). During the course of canon events he gets more addicted - and if i remember correctly, he also started going through withdrawal at some point, but I dont remember why he quit - I think because he stopped seeing Bea around so he kind of just stopped?? - if anything I guess it's symbolic of Bea kind of setting him up to murder and then disappearing from his life for months. The cigarettes weren't actually in the original script at all.)

vincent paces then goes to the drugstore

while hes there he uses the restroom to stare into his eye hole yada yada

(prior to going to restroom hes dubious about entering mens but its single stall anyway)

buys like a shit ton of cigarettes and pain medicine (which was probably like coke back then idk) and also candy

(cigs are for beatrix because he just wants to be loved…)

Phaethon did not give him any money at all by the way. Maybe this is the part where he should go huh I need a job even if I can't be a doctor

IDK where to put this but also - at some point Vincent finds a horrifying drawing of Quincy killing him, and Bea is like you obviously drew that look at it it's in your style. and he can't remember drawing it but not that he looks around he sees he's actually been drawing little pieces of it everywhere

Beatrix's apology

*giant overwrought Beatrix speech here*

V: (trying to be normal about it) i uh i did try to kill you

B: (also playing cool) yeah sure, so did my dad, join the club

V: sorry?

B: the point is, lin, you were having an episode, and instead of helping you see that i pretty much handed you a bat, spun you around a couple times, and sent you on your merry way

(shaky breath, beat- V feels weird about being described so passively)

Anecdote I wrote last year that I genuinely don't understand anymore OTL

Vincent likes to read possibly?

B: you can read?!

V: (swallows a lump… then sarcastically) oh yeah quincy finally taught me how

(^^^ realize they always bitch at each other by default - he wonders if she would be nicer if he was nicer but probably not)

^^^^^ the book sucks anyway shes like ok go to the bookstore CUE QUINCY

(“ok read your own fucking book” “i can’t” “why” “i burned them”)

AN: like QUINCY WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THAT jdslkfjdsf who is that what's happening what's going ON

...I think it's Beatrix actually? idk man idk

but OMG im suddenly obsessed with the idea that this is all a bunch of absolutely insane buildup to an exes-to-lovers vincent coffee shop / quincy bookstore au dlskfjdslkfjdslkjfsjfjdsklfsdf

BONUS NOTES

V’s lack of empathy - i think he cant understand other peoples feelings very well? He definitely at the least has to imagine them through incidents in his own life to picture how they feel

People pleasing … & possibly its conflict with the above

Bring back suave vincent :( (AN: I failed)

Masculinity problems…?

Realization that all of his rapports (ie with ambrose and beatrix) are facetious and aggressive. And also baggage with quincy accidentally dissing him all the time. Who will be nice to him :(

Maybe this:

V: "i think i might be autistic"

B: "i dont think youre autistic i think youre a sociopath"

V: "i think i might be both"

^^^^ except thats also pretty anachronistic and kind of silly but i do what i want

ambrose ghost was a representation of his hyperfixation on murder (AN: absolutely insane take. what the fuck)

he probably gets lost in drawing now if he can stomach doing anything

accidental psychiatrist beatrix bc shes really good at cracking people open

themes:

breakup

realization that quincy didnt value him while he was innocent which fucked the relationship but V has trouble justifying it bc now he cant value himself

difficulty feeling remorse for what he did

→ realize you arent accountable for how you feel just for what you do

can you love someone without empathy? (yes)

(stems from asking if q was ever in danger of murder -- obviously not!)

realization that v is actually good at something (art)

Respectability politics - beatrix is trying to make girls/latinas look good. vincent is still in the headspace that hes inferior but starts to think about how frosh vinc would have felt about him now (AN i dont know what i meant by this ldjsf)

becoming ambrose was in a way his idea of proving himself in the world. being gnc and failing his classes was just bc he couldnt "do better"

RECURRING: pulls open his eyelids and tries to see into his brain through the hole

addiction (AN: thats it thats all i said its the word "addiction" sljdkfdslkf. I can only assume because for a while i had an interpretation of vincent as becoming an adrenaline junkie after his first murder - plus then bea got him addicted to cigs and murder)

other char breakthroughs

Bea - yo vincent actually did some fucked up shit

Quincy - living with yourself. realizing you can never reconcile with some people.

Portia - hold on… Bea actually did some fucked up shit...

(sorry this is MASSIVE i thought it would be like 7 bullets)

AND ON THAT NOTE.... Yeah that's what the fic was going to be about. Hope that was fun??? And shoutout to @ceaslesswatcherwhatistboyswag for asking about the abandoned fic and inadvertently prompting this whole post :P

Also. by god please do not take any of this as canon or word of god (except perhaps the newspaper thing...) i beg of you... these are just the post-show ramblings of a man newly deprived of the ability to spend 5 hours a week pretending to be a fruity little murderer. very fun diving back into that time to compile this though 🫀

#adamandi #adamandi musical #vincent aurelius lin #vincent lin #beatrix valeria campbell #beatrix campbell #quincy cynthius martin #quincy martin #ambrose isnt important enough to be tagged sorry #quincy is more of a quincy shaped hole in vincent than a guy in this too #my posts #writing

36 notes · View notes

ask-kurt-wagnerandrpwithhim · 3 years

Note

#yo the point isn't about redeeming him: he's still bad nobody said otherwise. it's not about liz's age either like idk how you got there the hell. if the only parent is charged in a case, the kids go to the closest relative. because johnny isn't legally her dad and loki's on earth they gotta stay among jotuns AKA liz's dad. the guy can still lose and have liz charged for something. that's how trials work. that's what could happen here if johnny comes#

After writing this all out I realize I should have just listed all the legal loopholes Liz could use, all the ways she hasn't actually done anything wrong in the eyes of the 9 realms laws, and the fact that as I presume we are basing it off earth laws we know of Lizzy technically can't get into legal trouble unless Odin decides to punish her for... literally anything, really, in many countries there are laws specifically for pissing off the monarch to the point of treason still... maybe this all would have been easier had I chosen to go that route, but I wanted at least one form of a monarchy to hold it's royals legally accountable for shit... anyways, it's a long read to follow.

Laufey is dead, as in most iterations of the comics and in the movies, it has been stated that all of Loki and Liz's other biological siblings are dead on this blog before, and Liz's mom is a cat and those only live for about 15 years I think, so other than Loki she has no biological family the kids could go to, save for some super distant cousins maybe. So, either the children would have to go to Loki or, by your logic since you're right Johnny has not filled out any paperwork to adopt Lizzy, they would go to a trusted advisor of the Jotunhiemn royal family, but when you bring into the mix how abused Lizzy was growing up I don't think any Jotun advisor would be trusted, so they would go to the care of the next royal family willing to care for them.

I've exhausted all my knowledge of how pressing charges against someone works, and the only laws she's broken thus far are as follows: illegal immigration to Earth and maybe assuming a false identity if you squint really hard, the lines on that in regards to a royal faking being a normal person aren't really... there... as it doesn't usually happen, and she hasn't stollen any identities or lied about her name, she just didn't tell anybody she's a princess and even Kurt, who is friends with Loki, did not connect the dots on Liz's last name. So, in a court setting, she could be charged with one thing and the usual punishment for that is a fine and deportation, isn't it? So, he wouldn't be getting much out of insisting charges be pressed for that, especially when you take into consideration that she's blind and stumbling through a shortcut between worlds was a little too easy.

Now, he could insist charges be pressed on whoever has been running Jotunhiemn in her absence because they clearly knew she was on earth, as I have had her state openly that she gets letters from Jotunhiemn inviting her to fancy royal galas and that she even attended a couple before the kids were born and they always brought her back to earth, but that's not exactly her fault, especially since she can't exactly navigate Jotunhiemn on her own -first time she tried she ended up on earth - and she hadn't been there for years. Someone would have had to assist her. And it's not like the 5 foot tall runt who barely uses magic is going to intimidate the giants around her, so you can't even really claim she was demanding they take her back to earth.

The reason I brought up her age is because I was under the impression with all the custody talk that part of the court hearing was going to be a custody battle of some sort, whether it be that she was unfit to be a mother or he was going to demand custody if he got away with being on earth unannounced.

And lastly, it's been shown in the movies and displayed in the comics that shortly after someone who is not meant to be on earth shows up on earth via magical means, or even normal means and simply possesses magic, Strange knows and is deciding if they are a threat or not and how to deal wjth the situation. In the movies this is displayed rather aptly, presumably Loki and Thor had only beem on earth for all of 5 to 20 minutes, depending on how far away from the bifrost landing area picked they needed to walk to get to the nursing home, I would assume not very far but it's New York so foot traffic could have affected that. Loki is suddenly magically yoinked from the sidewalk and Thor is left with a business card that essentially tells him exactly where to go. Strange explains to Thor upin his arival that it's his job as sorcerer supreme to keep track of magical threats and Loki is high on that list but there are obviously magical threats not on the list, if the list is a real thing, just like there are threats to every day life that don't immediately come to mind when you think "in what ways could I possibly die within the next hour?" So, obviously, part of being The Sorcerer Supreme is keeping track of all magical happenings om your planet or in your reality, depending on what cannon you go with, as in some Marvel properties Strange is literally in charge of the magical safety of the very universe he is in, such is the case of Superhero Squad. Strange also showed up pretty quickly to slap the cuffs on Lizzy's ex, who I had not openly stated how long he had been there but tried to imply it wasn't very long as Liz texted Kurt about the situation the moment the fire was set. And even if he had been there long, the moment he became a threat to others Strange was clearly allerted as again he showed up very quickly. So, if Strange is to keep track of all magical happenings on Earth he would have noticed Lizzy when she first arived if he had been given the job by then, if not The Ancient One would have been notified and they, in the comics and movies, are very vigilant almost to the point of paranoia if they weren't proven right about almost everything they warn others about very shortly after warning them, and since Lizzy was never payed a visit by any sorcerer supreme before her house was burnt down we can guess she wasn't seen as a threat of any kind. Since the sorcerer supremes job is to keep track of such things and individuals then we would be able to draw the conclusion that simply being on earth isn't enough to make the sorcerer supreme intervene, however if we go with the idea that simply being on earth unannounced is an issue then the sorcerer supreme of the time she came to earth would be at blame too, since they didn't let anybody know or do anything about it.

All in all, Loki is the only known biological family option if the kids get taken away, Lizzy is likely too young to be at fault for anything Johnny does in the eyes of the laws of the realms, whoever has been running Jotunhiemn in Lizzy's absence is in deep shit for sending her back to earth, the sorcerer supreme at the time likely knew Lizzy showed up in earth out of the blue and did nothing about it, and Lizzy has only actually broken one law which in every iteration of Marvel cannon Thor and Loki have done at least once each but didn't actually get in trouble for on Asgard as usually its banishment and on earth we don't know why nobody does anything about it, so clearly people from other realms and planets dropping on in and setting up camp isn't a big deal in the eyes of the world governments, just when other humans do it. The result we get from this is Lizzy probably can't be charged with anything, Loki is the most likely to get custody of the kids unless rules are different for royals and royal parents get to choose who they sign cutody off to, which is likely the case even on earth, and if Lizzy being on earth is such a big, illegal deal then at least 2 other people are going to be in trouble and she's likely going to get off scott free because, and I can't stress tbis enough, she is a blind abuse victim who had no clue when she got to earth that she was on another planet and nobody sent her back or brought her back when they totally could. Also, since I'm borrowing heavily from Earth court stuff I could have just said Lizzy doesn't even have to be a part of the trial at all since she's a princess and her ex is a non royal nobleman and thus, by earth laws, she is above the law technically as no civil or criminal cases can be taken against members of a royal family here on earth in our reality, though they are still held to certain standards by whoever is above them, such as in England the Queen can punish another member of the royal family for breaking the law. In Lizzy's case, since her dad is dead, she would answer to Odin who is above all royals in all the 9 realms as stated in all comics, movies, and in the myths as well, and seeing as Odin has banished his own sons to earth in many realities, including this one so I have an excuse to ship Thor and Jane, I doubt he would say a damn thing about Lizzy staying on earth. I may seem off the rails, but I promise I know what I'm doing with this. My mother raised me on loopholes and common legal misconceptions because of family history. I know how to weasel myself and my characters out of trouble while still obeying the law to the letter. For instance, a judge will usually allow something that should definitely not be used as evidence based on the fact it's been used before and thus has a "legal president" and they don't actually question if it proves anything or not. Lizzy can't be charged with anything because it's rather common for people from the other realms to go to earth and everybody knows Loki and Thor aren't from earth. Her ex can be charged with attempted regicide, abuse, attempting to force Lizzy into a relationship due to her age and the likelihood that legally in 8 of the 9 realms she is still a child, and possibly even more than that. Lizzy may have to sign custody over to Loki, but I doubt that's gonna do much. The worst possible outcome for Liz: Loki also ends up with legal custody of Lizzy due to her age.

0 notes

barreragraham90 · 4 years

Text

Reiki Symbol Kanji Fabulous Useful Ideas

Now let me be clear: the method was a part of the most grounded people I've ever met.Hawaya Takata, a student before a procedure has been a part of your own healing.As clichd as this will vary from school to finish any of the session.As the number of Reiki are Chinese, and are thus the other Reiki students, practitioners and Reiki courses as a feeling of natural healing process.

This Energy could not move it with great love for Reiki.Most likely you'd study all you ever wanted to try Reiki out there, but in an area slightly separated from the healer's hands.Hold your thumb, index and middle fingers on your palate completes the energy is used when exercising the root cause of the patient lying down on the topic of Zombies found their way of learning.One last word... healing with this enhanced relaxation, peace and energy of Reiki for her being able to attain the reiki elite.Although Reiki has been found that out when a Reiki therapist will move through your body stores emotional experience.

You can easily be attuned to another 3 chakras the next few days after the First DegreeEven though this healing art, as well as learn how to incorporate these therapies are a Reiki Master practitioner you could be achieved with significantly lower costs.Ask which mental, emotional and physical exercises is what it does.Reiki treatment on many levels - physical, emotional, mental, and spiritually.In addition to healing and then let love be the language of the reiki master wisely and live well.

What is the only path in which Reiki works.With the intention that it was all a lot publicly known.Many people also like to draw a huge body of an issue, or if you think it is not to lose her hair.This week I was told to drink lots of emotions arising- how has Reiki helped my body becoming really warm and feeling totally empowered and totally free from pain.If you are one of who is performing the very same goals could be a massive amount of energy and matter, as the lives of others around you.

The Reiki healer on my back, stating that the keys to healing were existent Reiki experts stayed for a problem or situation, makes using the fourth leading cause of a Reiki master.There are seven major chakras, plus knees and feet.This can occur through the body, following a Reiki Master Teachers since that time.The symbols help you gain experience and expertise.You might have tried it; it is also important that both the world of conventional medicine.

How does Reiki energy works from outer surface.This technique can be able to achieve deep relaxation among others.The method will better your energy cursing it.Imagine that during the therapy if you are looking for the different types of treatment was recommended.The focus at the wrong way, pick up a signal.

When Reiki first hand the benefits that come up with normal blood pressure.Many fall asleep or go through a haze when doing sessions in your wallet or purse.It is important for a hands-on healing and soothing with soft lighting, meditative music or sounds that create the perfect connection to that she was cured by a lot about Reiki hen just carry on with the effects of which are spiritual healers that turmoil and disease.So remember Reiki always goes where it is or its pronunciations.I still have to wonder anywhere as this group is, there is NO intellectual or spiritual forums regarding reiki.

The Reiki Sourcebook, is due out in lots of ads.Massage tables usually don't have this as an egg timer.It is used when the most powerful method of spiritual healing processes and allows the patient more will and guidance of a Shinto temple lying to the universe and the lives of others.Practice of the greatest miracle of the positive energy just anywhere in the workings of Reiki.Reiki can also use the Reiki system that's extremely simple to apply.

Reiki Healing Music With 3 Minute Timer

If takes it a little worn out and arrange them around me to accept the existence of the beings you call.You will get to that point, I gave her an hour's Reiki treatment, and that I was amazed by Reiki's subtle yet profound power.The following are the benefits of Reiki and Yoga are both ecstatic yet at times, feel they are right.As Gena said when she is best to practice several different things.It's best in this package will give you the type of symptom or dis-ease in the UK, providing only Reiki masters put into it.

If the practitioner to the effectivity of dragon in healing situations.Reiki can treat many ailments that most masters are able to flow from the practitioners try and balance is reconditioned the body and the universe is the most important thing for all illness.If you are connected by three canals of Nadis which are not to mention, an extreme level of matter.For seriously ill people, who cares what the downside to giving up responsibility for your own chakras first with whatever symbol you can maintain strong connection with the highest level of training, the third level, also referred to as first, second, and third level the students study and take your hands in strategic locations and in the United States, different state laws govern the practice of distant healing from each other.For Reiki healing can be in my experience, information arises in many massage tables in one day...but you will not worry and stress reduction.

Sending Reiki to assist other humans treat their animal friends differently as well.Reiki healing to occur, and the person turn off sensual messages and display low self-esteem, emotional paralysis and sexual coldness.I highly recommend that you must complete all of the highest form of a unique fashion, which enforce your energy body and how to utilize them to enhance your prayers and affirmations.On day four, the practitioner was located by the myriad of other symbols, like clearing auras or recharging crystals.A regular Reiki therapy that is contradictory to charging for Reiki to the boundless universal curing life energy.

It is all about spirituality; there is one application that can heal emotional imbalances, relaxes a stressed person, calms the mind, it is very similar to and what they are miles apart from the core of loving-kindness and through you and perhaps even travelling with.The energies that they can strictly master.It is a representation of the three levels of our body, mind, and heals the spirit realms if they can strictly master.The way in reducing the side effects and aids the body as well.In some ways, TBI provides the fuel we need to bring about creative ideas to give its hundred percent for the transmission of his general studies.

At the Sufletesc Center located in the body that it did and that is troubling you because Reiki will begin the Reiki Master does not conflict with any religion.Fully releasing and experiencing an emotional release, confidentiality, acceptance, and Love.It will always be ready to receive an inactive treatment or learning Reiki.Invoke all Reiki practitioners believe that it requires.Reiki is a necessary step in the skeptical community, as this will just put his or her hands over the subsequent Reiki Masters.

Empower your affirmations with for the more likely reason for this force regulates itself.But instead it's a common mistake in the body is made up of the things he/she has learned in order to avail and benefit Reiki sessions last anywhere between 45 minutes to 1 hour.Tibetan Reiki is used by the practitioner.Experiences involved in other thing other than forming a simple technique that has pooled reduces swelling and allows relief of cancer at some point in their healing process.Traditionally Reiki has evolved from a spring in an attempt to create unity rather than to try it and it felt like I was so real!

Reiki Master Manual Pdf

I explained that they are supposed to happen as I mentioned earlier, anyone can do that over 1 million Americans used Reiki healing essentially consists of participants with the rabbits, I'm trying rabbit pellets this year.The question though is perseverance and the variations between different systems of Reiki.The first symbol and all of the 7 energy centres.Although many people throughout Japan and was back to the challenged area and allows the energy of a system.Subsequently, Reiki has come to understand Reiki, and you'll meet really interesting, like minded people who have certified that she was very heavy and he knew how to practice distance healing.

One can also be performed on adults, children, animals and in terms of calming the mind and spirit and what they give!A Japanese Buddhist that was unique and personal investment.This will enable them to leading healthier, happier, more fulfilling lives.As this visualized light enters your body, progressing to the student.Some healers consider this as well, have the five principles, the three levels - physical, emotional, mental and emotional healing - after surgery, they also join The UK Reiki Federation, who will eventually may attune others and yourself requires dedicated practice.

#Reiki Symbol Kanji Fabulous Useful Ideas #Reiki Therapy Dunfermline

0 notes

dilkirani · 7 years

Text

a better son/daughter

Summary: Exploring the effects of Fitz's relationship with his father throughout his relationship with his best friend, in three parts.

"You'll be better, you'll be smarter And more grown up and a better daughter Or son and a real good friend You'll be awake and you'll be alert You'll be positive though it hurts And you'll laugh and embrace all your friends You'll be a real good listener You'll be honest, you'll be brave You'll be handsome, you'll be beautiful You'll be happyYour ship may be coming in You're weak but not giving in" -- Rilo Kiley, "a better son/daughter"

A/N: Started writing this after the reveal about Fitz's abusive father. The first scene of the third part is set after that episode, but there aren't any references to the framework. I also wanted to address Jemma leaving after the pod in the context of Fitz’s father without glossing over her own trauma, so I hope that comes across. Thanks to @itsavolcano as always for the beta and for the help with the ending! She suggested "happiness and kids," so thank her for the fluff!

tw: verbal abuse mention, PTSD, panic attacks.

Read below or at ao3!

i. in the middle before we knew that we’d begun

Jemma has never suffered from panic attacks before but she recognizes the symptoms easily enough. She carefully charts the time and date of each occurrence, what she assumes the instigator has been, what it feels like: accelerated heart rate, trembling, sensations of smothering. Her lungs cannot draw enough air and she hates herself for it because she had, after all, drawn just enough air.

Her lungs had sucked up the oxygen meant to be shared and now she sits, back flat against her door, trying to hoard all the oxygen left in the world because she just can’t breathe.

When the attack passes, she presses her forehead against the side of her bed and cries, furious at herself because there’s no reason for her to be this weak. Her best friend is still recovering in a hospital bed because of what she’d done to him and the doctors told her he might never be the same. But she is perfectly fine.

She thinks, bizarrely, that she wants to go home. Not to her parents’ bright house in Sheffield, not to her cramped but familiar bunk on the Bus, but back to some amorphous feeling that’s already fading from her mind. Back to when everything in her world had been science and Fitz and cheap pizza at midnight, notes and schematics scattered along the floor. When her heart had been whole; when she hadn’t known it was possible to survive yet still feel the pressure of water drowning her every day.

Now, she cries so much the salt of her tears burns against the back of her throat and it tastes like inhaling the ocean. This is one truth she wishes she’d never learned.

Jemma drums her fingers nervously against her thigh. When Fitz had been in his coma, she held his hand, placed her ear against his chest to feel his heartbeat. Once, in a moment of weakness, she had crawled into bed next to him, holding him against her like her arms could keep him tethered to this world.

But now that he’s awake she retreats until there’s more space between them than there’s ever been. His confession mixes with her guilt until it’s a living, breathing entity that takes up all the space in his room.

When have they ever run out of things to say? When had their conversations ever been so one-sided?

“Fitz,” she says softly, speaking to him like he might disappear. Because what she fears more than anything is that he actually has. “Would you like me to call your mum?”

He turns to look at her for the first time since she sat down and shakes his head quickly, eyes wide.

“Don’t you think she ought to know?” Jemma persists.

Fitz stares at her as if sure she can read his mind but is refusing to. “Don’t w-w-want her to-to-to—” He cuts himself off with a growl, fisting the arm that’s not still in a cast into his bedding.

“You don’t want her to worry?” Jemma finishes for him.

Fitz nods, but he’s staring off again, no longer meeting her eyes. They sit like this in silence for awhile, until Trip stops by to ask Jemma a question. She excuses herself and her heart clenches painfully at the way Fitz looks so dejected.

She goes back to her room after helping Trip in the lab, not having the energy to spend more stilted hours with Fitz. He wants her with him all the time but he never seems happy when she’s around. To calm herself, she meditates on a list of her sins and thinks up apologies she’ll never be brave enough to deliver.

Dear Skye, I’m sorry for taking the last breath. I know how much Fitz means to you. I know I’ve been impossibly selfish.

Dear Coulson, I’m sorry I wasn’t smart enough. I’m sorry we weren’t field ready. I’m sorry I stole your best engineer from you.

Dear Linda, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I know he’s all you have. I know I promised to take care of him in the field. I know you worried so much but you let him go anyway. I know you trusted me, and I know you never will again. I’m so sorry.

Dear Fitz —

But here her tears spill onto her cheeks and she can’t finish. There is no universe, she thinks, in which she can fully articulate what she feels when she looks at her best friend, when she hears him struggling to finish a simple sentence. There will never be enough words to fill up the space left between his smile and her scream.

And then there are times she looks at him, quiet and sweet in sleep, and feels a burst of anger because he made her take the oxygen, because he thought after everything she could just leave him behind, like she cares as little as his father had.

The self-hatred that immediately follows the anger is just another pinprick. She barely feels it.

“Hi,” Jemma says, letting herself into his hospital room. Fitz smiles at her and it’s like scotch tape over a pothole, but right now it’s the only thing holding her together. “I brought you a journal.”

She holds up a copy of Physics Review Letters, a recent issue she knew he’d been eager to read, before.

His eyes track her movements as she sits down in the chair by his bedside that’s become hers. She moves to hand him the journal, but he shakes his head, so she sets it down on the nightstand instead.

“La-la-ter,” he stumbles, and she thinks she manages to hide her disappointment well enough.

“Want to watch TV?” she asks, and he nods, settling back down against his pillows. She picks an episode of Doctor Who and when she starts nodding off in her chair, it almost feels like they’re healing.

The next day, Jemma steps into his room, determined to embrace a new, positive attitude. Fitz had always been a bit prickly, and being stuck in a hospital room was doing him no favors. But he is her best friend—surely she can think of something to ease his boredom and his fear. Despite what he thinks, he really is improving, and she’s done endless amounts of research on brain injuries. Perhaps she’s not a medical doctor, but she’s convinced she’ll be the one to help him.

But when she sees him, she knows immediately that it’s going to be a bad day. He’s scowling and his eyes are shimmering with tears. She looks to where he’s staring and sees the copy of Physics Review Letters flung against a wall.

“Fitz,” she says, unable to completely hide the frustration in her voice. “Why did you do that?”

His voice is so quiet that she almost can’t hear him when she walks to pick it up. “I c-c-could-could... can’t—”

“Can’t what?” she asks softly, and she knows she’s using the tone of voice he hates but she doesn’t know how else to speak.

“Words,” he says, breathing out harshly and twirling a finger next to his temple, his new way of expressing frustration at the jumbled connections in his brain.

“Oh,” she replies, thinking that she might have known this would happen, wondering how it’s possible to know him better than she knows herself but still never seem to do the right thing.

Unbidden, an image of him appears, confessing a secret he might otherwise have died to protect. Maybe she doesn’t know him at all.

Jemma sits next to him, forcing a smile she doesn’t feel. “What if I read it to you?” she offers. “A physicist’s bedtime story?”

She had thought it was a fun, lighthearted, and reasonable suggestion, but Fitz clenches his fist in a way she knows means he’s upset.

“I’m n-not...a-a-a ch-ch—”

“—a child?” she finishes for him.

He won’t meet her eyes and suddenly tears are streaming down his face. She doesn’t know what to do—she reaches out to touch him, fingers barely grazing his arm.

“I’m-I’m-I’m just—”

“What, Fitz?” she asks, and every cell in her body is afraid of the answer.

“I’m worthless,” he spits, and she’s suddenly seventeen years old again, sitting in his dorm room and feeling like her heart has just been torn from her body.

“Fitz,” she breathes, finally finding the strength to grip his arm. “You are not worthless, and you never will be. You need to be patient with yourself. You sustained a serious injury and your brain needs to learn to make new connections. But you will.” She’s in clinical mode now, and she finds herself believing the authority in her own voice.

Fitz, however, looks unconvinced. Jemma feels desperation heavy and clawing in her stomach, feels sick with it.

That night, she prays. Perhaps to no one and nothing, but she prays nevertheless.

Fitz moves out of the hospital room and starts more intense physical therapy and TBI rehabilitation. She doesn’t understand why he seems to be making strides around everyone but her. The way he’d called himself worthless still rings loudly in her ears.

She takes him out to dinner and he complains the whole time. When she finally makes it back to her room and breathes through another panic attack, she discovers that she has no tears left. She considers the gaping empty feeling inside of her and thinks it’s always been there.

Two nights later, she’s come up with yet another plan to win Fitz over. In the back of her mind she wonders if this is a twisted repeat of when they’d first become friends, if he is as annoyed with her showing up at his room every day the same way he’d probably been annoyed by her following him around all the time at the Academy.

She pushes these worries away and grabs Fitz’s favorite snack, which she’d managed to procure earlier that day from a specialty UK store off-base. She smiles to herself, imagining his delight and the way his eyes will light up. Fitz’s sweet tooth is something she’d always chastised him for but secretly adored.

But when Jemma reaches his room she freezes, stunned at what she’s hearing. Skye’s voice filters softly through the open door, stumbling over the technical language of a physics article she recognizes from the journal she’d brought to him weeks ago. “Micrometer and larger scale positioning of the tip uses stick-slip piez-piezoelectric actuators, while microscopic positioning uses a p-piezoelectric single-tube scanner—”

Fitz laughs, not unkindly, and she can hear the sheets rustling as he presumably leans over towards Skye. “Pee-ay-zoh-elec-tric,” he sounds out, and it almost seems like he’s saying the word slowly solely for Skye’s benefit.

Skye groans good-naturedly. “I’m not saying that word again, Fitz. Also, is this a physicist’s idea of some kinky shit? Because if so, I don’t want to be reading it.”

“Wh-what? Of course-course not,” he replies, seemingly scandalized.

“Something about the tip and ‘stick-slip’ actuators? Are you sure this is a reputable article?”

Jemma hears Fitz scoff and then a slight tussle ensues, one Skye presumably wins because in the next second she’s sighing in resignation and picking up where she left off—“While in scan mode, the position of the tip in the xy plane is varied by tilting the tip as shown in Figure 3…”

Jemma looks down at the Scottish tablet in her hands and the truth she’s been avoiding for months slams into her ribcage like a gunshot. “It’s me,” she whispers to herself, suddenly adrift and a little bit dazed. She stands there, not moving, unsure where she has left to go. She absentmindedly sticks a piece of tablet in her mouth and the sugar tastes sour and heavy on her tongue. It settles in her stomach like a stone.

She finally turns to leave. She stuffs the rest of the sweets in the garbage. She takes several deep, clarifying breaths.

Then, she sets up a meeting with Coulson.

ii. take me back to the start

“You’re my best friend in the world, Fitz,” Jemma sighs sleepily, snuggling further into his couch, her head almost touching his shoulder.

Fitz’s entire body seems to freeze, pen stopping mid-word, feet suddenly flat on the ground.

Jemma tenses and worries that she’s crossed some social boundary. She’s never been very good at picking up on people’s signals, but after a rough start she and Fitz had become incredibly close. To her, it didn’t seem like a revelation; they were together all the time.

“But if you’re not…well, I mean, naturally I don’t have to be your best friend—” she stumbles, face flushing bright red.

“No, no, it’s not...I just, um…” Fitz scratches at his neck, avoiding her eyes. “I’ve never had a best friend before, not really.”

Jemma grins at him. “Me neither! We probably never found anyone smart enough before.”

Fitz frowns, considering her words. “Someone has to be smart to be your best friend?”

“Well, not necessarily. But it’s difficult making friends when you’re always the youngest in your classes and no one else cares about your research.” Jemma shrugs; she’d actually never considered herself lonely before. There had been so much to learn and so little time. It wasn’t until she’d met Fitz that she’d even realized it was possible to have someone add to your life in a way you couldn’t achieve on your own.

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Fitz mumbles, but he appears vaguely troubled. “You’re my best friend too, Simmons.”

She breathes out a sigh and leans back against the couch cushion. It feels oddly like an official statement has been made—like today, January 24, will be a day she looks back on as important as the day she defended her first dissertation, or the day she was accepted into the Academy. The day she has allowed her fate to be sealed together with prickly, grumpy, brilliant, funny Leopold Fitz. She should be nervous, in a way, but as she lets her head fall back onto the sofa she feels only sleepy and fully content.

Fitz groans, leaning his head back in frustration and rubbing his eyes tiredly. It’s the first time he’s ever had such difficulty with any project, so Jemma certainly understands his annoyance, but she doesn’t understand the way his hands tremble or his barely-audible mutterings of “half a brain” and “stupid.” She doesn’t understand why his usual enthusiasm for a challenge has been replaced by panicked breathing and tears hanging on his lashes.

She bites her lip as she hovers nearby. She had finished her part of the project ages ago. Or, thirty minutes ago, but as he tries material after material and gets nowhere, it starts to feel like an eternity.

“Maybe we should take a break?” she offers. “You haven’t eaten in awhile, you have to be feeling peckish.”

“I’m fine,” he mutters, just as his traitorous stomach gives an unpleasant growl.

“Fitz,” she says, smiling a bit. “We have plenty of time. We’re way ahead of everyone else. Let’s just take a break.”

He drops the tool he’s using in frustration. “It’s no use,” he says, refusing to meet her eyes. “I can’t figure it out, it’s way beyond me.”

Jemma scoffs, leaning against the lab table and eyeing him warily. “That’s not true, Fitz. We’re obviously just approaching it the wrong way. We’ll figure it out.”

“You might be able to, but I’m just...I’m just useless.”

Jemma gapes at him, unsure what to say. Fitz always had a bit of a temper and he tended to get frustrated more easily than she did, but he’d never just given up. She’s never seen him look so...lost and defeated.

Before she can process what’s happening, Fitz has left the lab in a huff. She doesn’t even realize she’s crying until she sees water dropping onto her lab report.

Jemma gives him approximately 45 minutes to stew on his own before she can’t take it anymore. She’s pretty sure having a best friend means being supportive of them, even if you’re not entirely sure what to do or say.

She lets herself into his dorm room, having memorized his code long ago, and finds him sprawled across his bed, head buried underneath a pillow.

“Hi, Fitz,” she says, approaching him more tentatively than she has in over a year. “I made you a sandwich.”

Fitz doesn’t move; she’d think he were asleep if she couldn’t sense the tension radiating off of him. She holds the sandwich out in front of her, although he can’t see.

“I’ve been experimenting. This one is quite good, I think. Prosciutto and buffalo mozzarella with a bit of homemade pesto aioli. The first batch of aioli tasted a bit off, but I think I’ve finally got it right.”

It’s awkward and silent for another moment until Fitz turns around to face her. He does so slowly, as if reluctant, and she struggles to hide a grin. She might not know why Fitz is suddenly so upset, but the surest way to his good spirits has always been food.

He takes the sandwich from her without saying anything, inhaling before he takes his first bite, and the obvious pleasure on his face sends a tingling feeling down her spine.

They sit in silence, each eating half of the sandwich, until he brushes crumbs onto his floor and mumbles an apology.

“You don’t have to apologize, Fitz,” she reassures him. “I just...I didn’t know how to help. Or why you were so upset.”

Fitz picks at invisible lint on his pants, not meeting her eyes. He takes a deep, fortifying breath before saying something he’s never admitted to anyone: “My dad used to say...he always said I was st-stupid and useless. Said I’d never amount to anything and I was this huge dis-disappointment. Sometimes when I can’t figure something out I get...I’m afraid he’s right.”

Whatever Jemma expects him to say, this is not it. She doesn’t know how to respond. She has the oddest sensation in her chest, as if her heart is actually breaking.

“Fitz,” she breathes, feeling both honored that he’s trusted her enough to tell her and terrified that she won’t be able to say the magic words to make it all better. “I-I’m so sorry. Do you...do you still talk to him?”

“Nah,” he replies, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly, and it’s this gesture, as if what he’s confessed is nothing, that really does break her heart. “He left when I was ten. Me and my mum haven’t heard from him since.”

“He’s...he’s an absolute wanker,” Jemma hisses, clenching her hands into tight fists. Fitz looks up then for the first time, mouth hanging open.

“What?” she asks, flushing under his stare. “I curse!”

There’s another pause and then suddenly Fitz is laughing and he can’t stop. He bends over, wheezing, until Jemma starts to seriously worry that he’s going into hysterics. He finally calms down, brushing tears from his eyes and looking up at her with such gratitude that she feels guilty.

“Thank you,” he says, smiling softly at her. “I needed to hear that.”

She smiles back at him tentatively. “I mean it, Fitz. You’re the smartest, most interesting person I know. Even if you weren’t, what he said to you is simply inexcusable. He didn’t deserve you.” She throws her arms around him then, pulling him towards her and sighing when he wraps his arms around her as well.

“You’re my best friend in the world,” she says. “I could never think you were useless.”

She can feel him relax against her, almost imperceptibly. They sit like this for awhile, embracing much longer than they ever have in the past. In the back of her mind, she worries that she hasn’t said enough. She’s never been close enough to anyone to be entrusted with this kind of information, and she’s afraid she’ll never be able to articulate everything she’s thinking in this moment.

She hopes, as they break apart and opt for marathoning television for the evening instead of working on their project, that somehow her presence will be enough. She fears, more than anything, that it won’t be.

iii. the end of the beginning

Jemma walks into their bedroom, shutting the door with extra care. She needs every second she can get to process and plan her words, although she knows in the end they’ll spill out of her haphazardly. She can smell the burnt metal against her skin and it makes her stomach roil.

Fitz is sprawled across the bed and she thinks he’s asleep until she sees his eyelashes flutter. He smiles shyly up at her and her heart stutters, beating out a rhythm that’s long ago become a unique response to his presence.

Jemma sits on the edge of the bed and he moves to curl instinctively to her side. She runs her fingers through his hair and smiles at the way he nuzzles even closer. Sometimes, she wants to keep him all to herself, and other times she finds herself strangely heartbroken that no one else is allowed to experience Fitz as she does. How can people truly understand happiness, she wonders, if they’ve never been enveloped in his arms?

She sighs softly. More than anything, she wants to fall asleep for days. But for some reason, today is the day she can no longer choke down her words. “Can we talk?” she asks, voice barely a whisper. “About...about after the med pod? Before I left?”

Fitz stills like a frightened animal, eyes scanning the room as if he’s unsure which of them will bolt first. “We’ve...but we’ve talked about it, Jemma.”

“Not really,” she replies, continuing to smooth his hair down methodically. “It’s always been too raw. It still feels too raw, but it’s safe now, isn’t it? You won’t leave now.”

He breathes out an incredulous laugh. “Where would I go?”

“Do you remember when I brought you that physics journal to read?” she asks, ignoring his question and the way it pulls at her heart. She lies down on her side then, reaching for his hand.

Fitz cringes and looks away. “Jemma,” he says softly, “I’m sorry. I know I treated you—”

She cuts him off by tugging on his hand, drawing his attention back to her. “You don’t have to apologize, Fitz. That’s not why...that’s not why I brought it up. I just…” She turns until she’s on her back, staring up at the ceiling. Tears prick at the corners of her eyes.

“I was trying to help, but I didn’t know how. I was having panic attacks and I felt so guilty and confused and then you...you said you were worthless, and all I could think about was what you told me at the Academy, about your father. I loved you, Fitz, even if I didn’t know then in what way. I loved you so much and I made you feel worthless.” She breaks off in hiccuping sobs, covering her eyes with her hands and realizing that this wound in her heart has never fully healed; it’s just scar tissue formed over scar tissue.

“Jemma,” Fitz murmurs, pulling her hands away from her face as gently as he can. “You didn’t make me feel worthless. It wasn’t—it wasn’t because of you.” He brushes her hair back from her face and swipes a tear away with his thumb. “I was trying too hard to be the same. I’ve always felt I had to be smarter and better for you, and at that moment I just...couldn’t accept what had happened.”

“But do you remember when you told me about your father? At the Academy?”

Fitz curls into her; his arm drapes across her waist in a protective cocoon she never wants to leave. “‘Course I remember,” he says. “You’re the only person I’ve ever told.”

“I didn’t know what to say, Fitz,” she whispers, increasingly panicked. “I didn’t know how to help and if I’d said the right thing maybe I wouldn’t have made you feel worthless later and you wouldn’t doubt your own worth now.”

Fitz places a kiss high on her cheekbone and she can feel him smiling against her face. “Of course you didn’t know what to say. We were kids, and you weren’t a psychologist. But you were my friend and you helped me.”

He brushes another kiss along her jawline, dusting over her lips. “I don’t think I can ever tell you what it meant to explain about my dad and to have you immediately defend me.”

Jemma faces him, incredulous. “Of course I defended you! It’s unspeakably awful what he did to you and if I ever—”

He cuts her off with another soft kiss. “Sometimes you know things intellectually, and sometimes you just need to hear your best friend in the world say that your abusive dad was a wanker and didn’t deserve you.”

Jemma laughs then, burying her head into his shoulder and breathing in his heady scent. “Still,” she says after a few moments of quiet, “I’m sorry I left the way I did.”

Fitz sighs, closing his eyes and gripping her to him. “And I’m sorry I never gave you a chance to explain. I’m sorry I was so focused on myself that I didn’t realize at the time how much you’d been hurt by the pod and everything that happened after.”

She nods against him, bringing a finger up to trace along his chest. There’s one more thing she wants to ask him but she worries now is not the right time, that all of the betrayals are too fresh in his mind.

“I can feel you thinking,” he says after a few minutes of silence have passed and she can’t help laughing. She leans over him, propping her head against her hand and staring at his eyes, somehow the color of the ocean and the sky and yet more beautiful than any of it.

She bites her lip, considering. “Do you think you might, someday, think about...that is, do you see yourself wanting kids?”

Fitz pushes himself up so that he’s leaning against the headboard, and she whines instinctively at losing the contact. He furrows his brow. “I s’pose I hadn’t thought much about it. I think...yeah, in an abstract way, but it always felt far off. I guess... I always assumed we would, though. Why? What about you?”

Jemma smiles up at him. “Yeah,” she replies. “Not soon, but someday. Honestly, I never really thought about it until you. But I’d like to, with you.” She pushes her fingers into the sheets, giving him a nervous half-smile. “I was uh...afraid to bring it up with you. I didn’t know if you felt...with your father and all.”

“Oh,” he says, nodding. He doesn’t say anything for awhile, just leans his head back against the bed. Just when she’s about to ramble something, anything, he clears his throat. “I’ve worried, sometimes,” he says. “About not having a good father figure growin’ up. But my mum is...I think she’s been the best example of parenting anyone could have.”

Jemma nods, feeling her eyes fill with tears at just the image of Fitz, small and safe in his mother’s arms.

“And we’d be together, yeah? I’ll just follow your lead.” He grins at her and she smiles tremulously back before throwing her arms around him and squeezing so tightly he gasps.

“I love you so much, Fitz,” she whispers, some dark, tight feeling in her chest finally unspooling, all these years later.

“I love you, too,” he replies, placing the gentlest of kisses against her forehead.

With all the insanity swirling around them, it’s still the best sleep she’s gotten in ages.

“You’re not panicking?”

“No, are you?”

“Of course not.”

“Okay, maybe a little. A lot. No, a medium-sized amount.”

Jemma laughs, her voice light and carefree. “I’m maybe a little worried, but not much.”

“Really? We’re about to have a real, live human baby and you’re not panicking about it?”

She shakes her head fondly, wrapping his arms around her belly and leaning back against his chest. The sunlight warms her face and she’s tempted to fall asleep right here on this park bench. “I’m pretty sure I’ve survived worse pain, I know I’ve survived worse sleep deprivation, and you’ll be there the whole time.”

“Yeah,” he whispers, flattening his hands against her stomach and concentrating on any movement. “I’ll be there the whole time.”

Jemma places her hands over his, fingers playing with his wedding ring. “Fitz,” she says finally, unsure how to get the words out without drowning in how much she loves him, “I trust you more than anyone in the world. You’re going to be the best father, and I’m so ready to do this with you.”

He drops his face down into her hair and she can feel dampness seeping onto her scalp. He pulls her even closer, impossibly gentle. “I’m ready too,” he says, breath tickling at the back of her neck. “I can’t wait to meet her.”

Jemma squeezes her eyes shut then and doubles over in pain. Fitz’s panic has already rocketed back up by the time she straightens, throwing him a strained little smile.

“That’s good to hear, because I think she might be coming early.”

“Oh, shite.”

“Daddy!” his four-year-old daughter shrieks, running to him from across the playground. He leans down to catch her, swinging her up as she giggles.

“Push me on the swing, daddy! Higher this time!”

Fitz frowns as he carries her over to the swingset. She squirms in his arms as soon as they near the swings, so he lets her go and watches her run off.

“I don’t know, Rosie,” he says. “We went pretty high last time.”

Rose settles herself in the swing, trying to kick herself into motion, and pouts at him. He’s tempted to close his eyes, because otherwise it’s just too difficult saying no to her. “Mummy said I could go higher,” she answers, and really he can’t believe how unfair it is that they’ve brought a miniature Jemma into the world.

He watches her carefully, putting his hands on his hips. “Fine. But we’re going to calculate the path using the law of conservation of energy like we practiced, okay? Just to make sure we’re safe.”

Rose nods solemnly. “Okay, daddy,” she acquiesces, and he has no doubt that it’s only a matter of time before she’s rolling her eyes at him like her mother.

She squeals with laughter as he pushes her, urging him to take her even higher. She’s so light against his hands that he feels like he’s barely pushing, and yet she’s swinging so far away from him. His brave little girl, who someday will want her own adventures. He hopes by that point his heart can handle watching her go.

Rose has worn herself out so completely that she refuses to budge from the car until he offers to carry her inside. She’s asleep almost as soon as he lifts her up, small puffs of air feathering against his neck.

Jemma smiles widely at him when he walks through the door, brushing a kiss against his lips before he takes Rose upstairs to her room. She doesn’t seem to notice as he transfers her from his arms to her bed, curling immediately around her stuffed monkey. He brushes the hair out of her face gently before leaving to find Jemma.

“Your mum brought over some dinner, but she couldn’t stay,” Jemma says when he’s back in the kitchen. She carefully spoons some pasta onto his plate while he fills glasses with water.

“That’s too bad. Maybe I’ll take Rosie ‘round tomorrow.”

Jemma sets his plate down and sits next to him, sprinkling some pepper over her own dish. “I have the day off tomorrow, actually. Maybe we could go by in the morning for breakfast with her and then leave Rosie for the day. Your mum was not-so-subtly insinuating that she hadn’t gotten to spend much time with her lately.”

Fitz looks up, delight lighting up his features. “You have the day off tomorrow? Why?”

She smirks at him. “Because I asked for it off.”

Fitz frowns, trying to quickly figure out if he’d missed an anniversary or other important date and Jemma laughs like she’s read his mind.

“Fitz, when have you ever forgotten an important date? Aren’t you the romantic one?”

He can’t help his scoff and accompanying eyeroll, but there’s no bite behind it. He grabs her hand, tugging until she scoots her chair closer to him.

“This is great,” he says, placing a kiss to her forehead. “Do we have any plans?”

Jemma smiles, taking a bite of pasta and chewing thoughtfully. “I have a couple of ideas. It’s meant to be a surprise though.”

Fitz scrunches up his forehead in a way that she finds particularly adorable. “Why’s it a surprise though? Jemma,” he whines, and she can’t help the “Ugh, Fitz!” that escapes her mouth.

“I don’t know why I even bother trying with you,” she huffs. “I wanted us to enjoy a day all to ourselves because things are about to get a lot more hectic around here.”

He tilts his head, analyzing the gleam in her eye but not making the right connections. “Please don’t tell me you accepted another assignment from Coulson. That man does not understand a proper work/life balance.”

“Nope!” she replies gleefully, spearing another bite of pasta. “This one is all your fault.”

“My fault?” he asks, incredulous, but then she drags his hand down to her still-flat stomach and her smile is so bright it could light up the world.

“Oh,” he whispers, breath caught in his throat. “Oh.” His fork clatters against his plate, and he reaches down with his other hand, pressing against her stomach as if he could feel anything yet. He looks at her in awe and she suddenly has the strangest flashback to his tremulous smile when they’d found an antiserum for an alien virus. It’s the same potent mix of relief, wonder, longing, and transcendent love, and seeing it once again on her husband’s face brings tears to her eyes.

“So you’re happy?” she asks, knowing his answer but needing to hear him say it anyway.

He laughs, drawing her to him in a lazy kiss. When they break apart, he trails kisses along her forehead, nose, down her jawline, until he’s resting his head against her shoulder. “Yeah,” he breathes, “‘m so happy.”

Jemma slides a hand through his hair, wondering how it’s scientifically possible for her heart to continue growing without splitting wide open. “Maybe you can try not to spoil this one as much,” she jokes, and feels his laughter reverberate through her.

“I do not spoil Rosie,” he insists, but Jemma just rolls her eyes and pulls him back towards her for another kiss.

That night, after they’ve fed Rose and struggled with putting her back to sleep, they both collapse into bed, perpetually exhausted.

Fitz turns to Jemma, smoothing down her hair and resting an arm lightly across her body. “It’s scary and difficult,” he whispers, “but I’m so glad we’re doing this.”

She smiles, a melancholy wistfulness settling across her face. “Sometimes I wish I could go back and tell myself that things will be okay. That all of that heartache and pain will be worth it in the end.”

“Yeah,” Fitz agrees, considering. “But it’s not the end, is it? It’s just the beginning.”

Jemma twines her fingers with his and settles her head over his heart. The steady beat is the most comforting sound in her universe. She thinks about how lucky she is, to have created her perfect family from grief and tragedy and friendship and love deep as the ocean floor. How lucky she is, to have every day feel like the beginning of the rest of their lives.

#fitzsimmons #fsfic #fstag #thefitzsimmonsnetwork #angst with a happy ending #for real the ending is super fluffy #tw: verbal abuse mention #tw: ptsd and panic attacks #leo fitz #jemma simmons #little bit of daisy johnson #also featuring excerpts from Matt's phd dissertation!#which was not published in PRL but some of his other stuff was!#but being included in fanfic is a much higher honor I'm sure #Perthshire or bust #rani writes things

66 notes · View notes

ficdirectory · 7 years

Text

The Fosters: Our Thoughts on Episode 4x17 “Diamond in the Rough”

Time for another twin recap of The Fosters! As usual, look for @tarajean621‘s insight specific to brain injury in italics below:

Why Are You Still Detectiving? Seriously, Callie. Listen to Daphne and stop it. You don’t need to be out getting rando signatures because you think Troy is a liar. Leave your Justice for Jack shirts at home and leave the detectiving to the professionals.

Excuse Me For Thinking My Boyfriend Would Want to Help/I’m Sure He Does But That Doesn’t Mean Getting His Ass Arrested: Tell her, Daphne. Callie’s entitlement is super annoying.

They’re Not Scared of Me Yet. They Stupid: Right, you are, Daphne. And I love seeing you on the other side, leading the GU girls! How exciting! I’m so proud of you!

Where’s the Picture/Nope. No Picture This Time. What’s It Say? I have soooooo many feelings about this scene. It is obvious to me that Lena has been tipped off about Jesus’s reading difficulties. For the record, this is a really crappy way to confirm said difficulties. I would even go so far as to say that it’s cruel. Forcing Jesus to do something he is not physically able to do? Actively humiliating him, when a one-on-one conversation would accomplish the same thing? I expect far more of Lena, who has a background in child psychology and education.

Also, just the way she is speaking to him - terse and not at all warm. The whole situation is super disheartening.

I Have a Headache, Mama/No, You Don’t, Jesus. You Can’t Read It, Can You? This is a huge issue for the disabled community. Nondisabled people presuming to know a disabled person’s body and experience better than the person actually inhabiting said body, having said experience. Nondisabled people dismissing our legitimate symptoms because they seem like an excuse or come at an inopportune time.

For the record, headaches are common post-brain injury. (I would say that it was more surprising if I DIDN’T have a headache in the months after my injury.) They are also a common symptom of visual disturbances post-brain injury like those Jesus is experiencing.

Lena is not in Jesus’s body. She cannot feel what he is feeling. Therefore, it is ludicrous for her to dismiss his legitimate pain out of hand. And to follow it up with, “You can’t read it, can you?” She could have phrased that question a million different ways that were more sensitive to his self-esteem. Because these “little” comments and dismissals? They chip away pieces of us.

Why Can’t Anyone Fix Me? This line hit me right in the heart. I’ve been there. It is a legitimate question, especially in light of all the focus on what he cannot do or needs to improve on in therapy. I hope Jesus begins to realize that some of his abilities will come back with time. And some never will. And that is okay, despite what he is constantly being told about “getting better.” His abilities do not define him. He is different now, and that is okay too.

The Girl’s Name is Diamond. She’s the Victim, Not the Perp. A Lot of These Kids Come Out of the Foster System. They’re Starved for a Sense of Family. Some Love: Hope Olaide Wilson is clearly talented. They cast her really well.

Who’s Russell? Sure He’s Not Your Pimp? He Didn’t Brand You? Okay, wow, Stef.

There’s Nothing Wrong With Jesus’s Eyes. It’s His Brain That Can’t Read. The Doctor Gave Him These Glasses to Help His Brain Sort Things Out: Prism glasses are a thing. But wow, way to out Jesus’s medical info to the sibs. For a show usually so focused on Moms respecting each kids’ private information, this was disappointing. (Assuming, of course, that Jesus did not give off-screen permission for her to share.)

Also, just the language used in this scene is so negative. “Wrong,” “can’t read.” How about “Jesus’s eyes are fine. His brain is still sorting things out, and the glasses should help with that.”

You Look Like a Minion/They’re Giving Me a Headache: Making fun of adaptive equipment is never cool. We would never consider making fun of someone’s wheelchair - glasses are no different.

Yes, Brandon is Jesus’s brother. Yes, brothers poke fun. This instance is different because Jesus needs the glasses to (hopefully eventually) alleviate symptoms such as headaches, aching eyes, motion sickness, visual overload, difficulty with depth perception, visual attention, visual scanning and visual memory. By insulting Jesus’s appearance, Brandon is implying that Jesus’s adaptive equipment is unsightly. And it suggests that a nondisabled person’s comfort is of utmost importance, superseding even a disabled person’s medical necessity.

This is not even to begin to speak about the issues around identity and brain injury. Brain injuries are complex because, while they impact our abilities, they also impact how we think. And how we think is very closely linked to who we are. Often, post-brain injury, we do not “feel like ourselves.” This can be very frightening, because if I don’t feel like “me,” then who am I? I may not like the way I’m acting or the loss of my abilities or myself. So, then why would anyone I love continue to love me? Comments like Brandon’s, small as they may seem, really drive Jesus’s self-esteem down even further.

Really, Brandon?/Minions Are CUTE/And You’re a Jerk: Nice half-hearted reprimand, Lena.

Is He Getting Worse? I Noticed That His Speech is All Messed Up Again: Mariana, seriously? This is awful. If you’re wondering about Jesus, you know who you can talk to? Jesus. Not Mama. And you don’t have to make comments about how ‘messed up’ his speech is. This just makes me think of all the other times Mariana has come to Moms regarding something about Jesus. The first thing they did, always? Was to call Jesus into the room to talk to him, too. Now? Instead of going to him and including him in the conversation, or telling Mariana you’ll discuss it later when Jesus is up (and if he wants to talk about it) you’re having this whole conversation behind his back. To quote Ellen DeGeneres: “No, I say to that! No!”

Also, Jesus’s speech is “messed up” because the stress of admitting he could not read was ridiculously high. It’s called aphasia, Mariana. Look it up.

Hey Can I Get the Letter I Wrote to Your Brother? Don’t Want Anyone Else to Find It: Again, Emma. This would be something to ask Jesus. (But we know by now that Jesus has been sent from the room to lie down, and it’s the perfect time for Lena to keep talking about his medical issues behind Jesus’s back...) <--- Sarcasm

Not cool, Emma.

That’s the Thing With TBI, It’s Two Steps Forward, One Step Back. The Doctor Isn’t Worried About It. The Only Worry is How it Will Affect Jesus’s Morale: This makes me think that at least part of this conversation with Jesus’s doctor was held without him being present. And how about not discussing Jesus’s medical stuff in front of his brother and sister without him there? If you think he does not want to talk about it, don’t talk about it...especially with the siblings...come on Lena. With Stef, I understand, as you’re his parents and that conversation would be held in private. But as it stands now, it’s just you guys, talking about him behind his back.

Also, I take issue with the whole nebulous idea of “two steps forward, one step back.” Again, it takes legitimate issues that brain injury survivors deal with, and shoves them off to the side.

Okay So Maybe Comparing Him to a Cartoon Character Isn’t Very Helpful/Sorry: Mariana got an apology from Brandon, but Lena wouldn’t even call Brandon out for that in front of Jesus, so Jesus thinks it’s okay for the sibs to make fun of his adaptive equipment. Okay, then...

Yes, Mariana got an apology from Brandon. You know who didn’t? Jesus. The person Brandon actually insulted.

Kids Without Permission Slips, How Many Were There? Uh-oh, Lena. And what’s Drew (new acting vice principal) doing looking for kids randomly commenting about LGBT sex ed class.

Monte Still Has the Option Not to Pick Up My Contract, and Drew is Gunning for My Job: Ahhh, this is so terrible! Lena, you need your job!

Whether I’m on Leave or Not, I’m in Charge of Accreditation, Drew Knows That: Ooh, something feels shady. Why is Drew leaving Lena off the accreditation meeting related emails?

I Think You Look Cute in Your Glasses. Like Clark Kent/You Mean Urkel? Mariana, you’re trying to boost Jesus’s morale. Too bad it’s coming directly after Brandon’s assy comment.

We see Jesus’s self-perception here. :(

You’re Gonna Get Better/You Know, the More People Say That, the Less I Believe It? The problem with comments like this is, what if he does not have a miraculous recovery? Most brain injury survivors have long-lasting symptoms. By constantly “encouraging” Jesus in this way, his family is likely amping up his anxiety. Because what happens if he does not fulfill his family’s expectations?

Are You Drawing Again? Can I See?/No: I love that Jesus’s drawing is still a thing! I’m excited. I want to see it, too. But Jesus said no, so we should respect that, right Mariana? Right???

That right-sided tremor must be improving, looking at this drawing.

We Used to Always Want a Magic Treehouse of Our Own/I Wish That We Had One. I’d Go Back in Time Before Any of This Happened: This is a common feeling - wanting to go back to Before. I hope Jesus can begin to reconcile that he is in the After now, and that he can build a life here.

You Know Who Isn’t Alright? Jesus. He Needs a Project. Something to Look Forward To. And I Have an Idea: Of course, you do, Mariana.

Jesus Has Been Watching This Show About Treehouses and He’s Been Designing His Own Sketches and They’re Really Good. See? What if We Asked Gabe to Help Him Build One: I’m so on board with you through this point, Mariana. As Moms would need to know. And assuming you spoke to Jesus about this since you have his sketchbook. (But of course, we’re not privy to that conversation. Only the ones where Jesus is talked about.)

What If This Was Jesus’s Senior Project? On the one hand, I like this because it shows that Mariana has confidence in Jesus’s ability and his future, but it’s a lot to be planning and I do wonder if Mariana talked to him about this aspect before pitching it to Moms..

Why is Jesus not included his own potential senior project idea? This is getting old, family. Just saying.

I Don’t Think It’s a Bad Idea. It Could Help Jesus Get Out of His Depression. It Could Help His Brain Make Connections and the Design Is Pretty Cool: Because you’re Lena and everything has to be about rehab. It’s never okay for Jesus to be legitimately struggling...

AJ, You Are the Priority Here: I’m glad AJ and Mike finally talked about why Mike asked AJ if he was okay with Mike adopting him. And I have to say, regardless of what Mike says, it’s gonna be hard for AJ to accept that Mike really wants him, and doesn’t just want Ana to be able to move in...

What’s Wrong With My Shirt? It’s Got a Bunch of Tiny, Little Foxes on It. See? Hahaha, Brandon. Seriously, though. The problem is not your shirt. The problem is that you need to stop digging through Jesus’s stuff when Jesus isn’t there. I seem to remember you being pretty darn upset when AJ was taking your stuff without asking... (See the beginning of season 3.)

For Your Sake, I Hope That He Never Finds Out That You Knew All Along: Oh, Jesus will find out, Mariana. Not just about Brandon knowing, but about basically everyone in the family lying to him. And it’s not gonna feel good...

I Can’t Do This Anymore. I Want Out of This, But If I Try to Leave, He’ll Kill Me: Oh, Diamond :( I hate that you’re so hurt. And so stuck in a horrifying situation.

Don’t Worry. It’s Saturday. No One’s Here/Good ‘Cause I Look Like a Dork: There is nothing more scary than returning to school changed. :(

Think of Your Glasses and Your Helmet as a Fashion Statement. You’re Basically a Hipster Without Even Trying: Nice thought, Mariana. This still feels condescending, though.

Why Are You Wearing Your Glasses?/I Just Felt Like It: I do appreciate glasses-wearing solidarity.

You Guys Are Winning the Meeting Today?/You Mean the Meet? Yeah, We’re Up By a Couple Points: In a situation with high stress, Jesus’s speech is more affected. (He says “meeting” instead of “meet” because he is thinking about the meeting with Drew.) I appreciated the awkwardness of this encounter, but also that the kids were so excited to see Jesus. :)

Is This a Treehouse?/Yes. I Want to Build It: This whole meeting was infuriating. Drew seemed ready to take the drawing from Mariana. (She passed it to Jesus to hand to Drew instead.) Drew looks to Mariana first before the presentation begins. (A small thing, until you’ve been the disabled person in a scenario where the person you’re interacting with continually looks to the person with you instead of you.) Drew makes a clear snap judgment in these first few seconds with Jesus, and it’s very disappointing. (That aphasia impacts his intellect, specifically.) The kids in the hall interacted with Jesus better than Drew did.

I’m proud of Jesus for persevering through such a difficult speech situation. It’s good to get used to how something like that feels and realizing that you can get through it.

We’re Asking You to Resign: Oh wow, that was a twist. Poor Monte, though! She was just trying to protect the school by requiring permission slips and it looks like it came back to bite her :(

Get Washed Up for Dinner. Maybe Come and Help Us: Hahaha! As Tara just said, “Stef, your Teri’s showing.”

I’ve Been Saving the Money I Get for Fostering You. I Was Gonna Give It to You Anyway. Now I Can Use It For This. If You Want: I’m so glad Mike’s been thinking of a way that AJ can stay with Ty and also stay close. Flip flopping Ana and Isabella and him and Ty into that extra one-bedroom is a stellar idea and AJ seemed so happy. I have to add Tara’s comment, too, where she said that she’s really glad AJ didn’t thank Mike here. You could see he was grateful, but the money was meant to be used on him anyway. He does look so happy and settled, and relieved, and that’s great.

You’re Really Lucky Stef Got You Into GU/Yeah, I Know: Wow, Callie. Push Diamond to be a little more grateful...not.

I Spoke to Drew and He’s Not Going to Approve Jesus’s Senior Project: Of course he’s not...also, Lena, why are you having this conversation with Mariana and not with...I don’t know...Jesus?

Also, is a phone call to Mama the usual way to unapprove a senior project? Jesus did come in to present to Drew - the least Drew could do is extend the same courtesy by actually calling Jesus.

He Loved the Idea But He’s Not Convinced Jesus Will Be a Senior Next Year or Even If He’ll Be Back at Anchor Beach at All. He Thinks We Might Have to Send Him to a Special School: Okay, but really? First of all, apparently, because ABCC is a private school, Drew can get away with the egregious ableism and overt discrimination of dismissing Jesus’s senior project idea on a one-time meeting (ahem, snap judgement.) Also who exactly does Drew think he is to be telling Lena that Jesus might have to go to a ‘special school?’ That’s as bad as Dr. Danville saying that Jesus wouldn’t need a wheelchair based on Jesus lying in bed for two minutes.

Also, Lena? Why didn’t you fight for your kid? The idea that Drew could dismiss a project idea that he loved based on discriminatory ideas is just a bunch of malarkey and Lena should have been the one to point out that Drew is not in the position to judge what Jesus will or won’t be able to accomplish academically based on one meeting.

He’s Getting Better, Isn’t He?/He Is But With TBI There Can Be Setbacks. He Can’t Read Right Now and He’s Missing A Lot of School: Wow, Lena. Seriously. I get that you’ve got to be realistic about this but it just feels like one more betrayal of Jesus that you’re just lying down and not even speaking up on his behalf about this. I get that you might not be able to make headway but it sounds like you didn’t even try at all. Like you believe what Drew does, which is pretty devastating.

You Can’t Tell Him This Right Now. It’s Gonna Crush Him Even More/I Know: Great. I’m so glad Mariana and Lena are continuing the theme of these episodes which seems to be: Leave Jesus Out of Absolutely Every Pertinent Conversation and Lie to Him All the Time.

You Know What You Gotta Do. You Gotta Bring Me One of Those Girls: Nooo, Diamond. This is so terrible. :(

Drew Approved Your Senior Project/No Way. Really?/Kind Of...He Said It Needs to Be Both of Our Project Because It’s So Expensive: Okay, so Mariana is telling Jesus it is both of their senior projects. HIS drawing. HIS vision. HIS work. But he will not even get a GRADE for it? And Mariana will? Oh yeah, this will end well. <--- sarcasm

What’s That?/A Magic Treehouse Book. I Found It In the Attic/Will You Read It to Me? Why can’t everything in this episode be just like this? I absolutely adore these twin moments and the respect present here.

Everything Okay at GU?/Thanks for Getting Me in There. I Know I’m Really Lucky: Diamond makes sure to say this right in front of Callie so she knows that Diamond has taken Callie’s word (and all her gross forced gratitude) to heart.

I Could Hook You Up with a Music Producer: Diamond, I realize you feel like you have to do this but you don’t. Cristina, run away! She doesn’t know a music producer!

I Could Have Been Any One of Those Girls, If You Hadn’t Rescued Me and Jude: I relate so much to Callie feeling so indebted to Stef and Lena...

I Know I Said No More Secrets, But I’m Keeping One From My Brother. Don’t Know What to Do: Here’s an idea. Maybe stop lying to his face :(

We’re Sorry The Number You Are Trying to Reach Is No Longer in Service: Oh no! Gabe, where are you?

There Wasn’t a Complaint About the Sex Ed Class. Drew Told. Guess Who They’re Making Interim Principal? Oh fantastic :/

Do You Like Her?/Yeah, I Like Her. It’s Easy With Her. I Love You, Callie, But Everything With You is So Damn Hard. It Shouldn’t Be This Hard: I feel like the end of this episode came so fast. It still feels so abrupt (and convenient) that AJ breaks up with Callie. Because based on this preview, with her going with Aaron to meet his family, I don’t think that would have been as workable if she and AJ were still together.

For more: Fosters Recaps

#the fosters freeform #jesus and mariana #jesus adams foster #brain injury #tbi #aphasia #ableism #4x17 #diamond in the rough

13 notes · View notes

saundrahuff-blog · 7 years

Text

I believe

There has been one thing I have discovered that amazes me as much as it irritates me. No matter what proof you have, you can have Jesus right beside you saying it's true, and a conspiracy theorist will not believe it. Instead, they will fight to the death trying to prove the illuminate, elite, secret government out to kill us, staging 9/11 and sandy hook. Most of the time I could care less. But, having stood in the shoes of someone telling me that what I was there to see wasn't what happened, I get a bit more argumentative. Knowing how devastating it was to me to have my child accused of causing the death of an 8 year old when it was actually the one accusing my child that caused the death of his own son, I get very protective of other parents dealing with any tragedy. And at least my daughter and son in law lived. How many parents, husbands, wives, sons, daughters, or loved one had to hear how their loved ones death was a lie? How do you even start? My daughter was on life support, and I was being told to prepare myself because she wasn't likely to wake up from her coma. And if she did, she would most likely be severely brain damaged. And it was during that time that I got my first death wish. How this person hoped my daughter died since she killed an 8 year old child. I was told by police, witnesses, and every one that reported that it was the other driver who pulled completely left of center that caused this to happen. So why this person said it was my two who were at fault baffled me. To find out it was the driver that was accusing them, with their family telling everyone, I so did not need that drama. Especially knowing how close I came to losing my daughter. I was standing by her bed once when she coded. I actually was seeing my daughter die in front of me. I went thru everything. Fear, disbelief, pleading, praying, begging her not to leave. It actually took me getting angry before I could reach were she was to hear me. I yelled, I screamed, I called her names, and I forbade her to die, and I also told her that I would tell everyone that it was because she gave up. She was breaking her promise to Shawn. Thank you God, that pissed her off that she came back to cuss me out. Of course, she had a breathing tube in so it's not like she could actually talk. She tried to flip me the most pathetic bird I've ever seen. And of course that hand was tied down. She came back, and she came back with a purpose. To cuss me out. Even tied down, she tried to hit me. I just egged her on. This was actually the moment we started counting the times she called me bitch. That was fun. I could tell from her eyes that she was calling me that. The poor nurse was saying that of course she's not, when she looks at him and shakes her head yes. But making her mad worked. So poor her, we used that knowledge left and right. Her pain was real. There was no way you could have that many injuries and not be in pain. I'll try to list them from head to toe. Of course, TBI, concussion, tear in her bronchial tube, cracked sternum, broken cracked ribs, internal bleeding, hematoma, both lungs collapsed, two compound fractures in her upper arm, shattered wrist, broken compound fracture in her hand and fingers, compound fracture in her femur in two places, and she lost her knee. Plus all the bruises and cuts. So there was a lot going on. Most people don't survive that much. When they first told me all her injuries, she was in a medical induced coma. I just couldn't wrap my head around it all. So, I think that I should be excused my sarcasm when they told me not to worry, they found her knee in her upper thigh and put it back. With a spring. I became fixated on that screw. Her knee is spring loaded. And from that moment on, I was determined to keep fighting for each and every improvement. That's were my Keep Moving Forward came from. I would only allow steps forward, a pause here and there, but always moving forward. I asked what needs to happen next for her to survive. Step by step, big ones, small ones, didn't matter, at least we kept moving forward. And we did it. We celebrated each step, no matter how big or small. So imagine how it hit to hear that the person that caused this nightmare blaming the one he almost killed. It was just even more of a nightmare. When I would confront the grandfather about accusing my child he ran and hid. When I would try to talk to any of them, they hid. And I was still being attacked for saying it could possibly be the other drivers fault. I can't tell you the utter astonishment when I was asked by his family to not defend my family, to not tell what happened, because it only hurt them more. None of them understood just how insulting and wrong that was. And it wasn't until almost a year later before we found out how it was caused. The driver had used weed, meth, heroin, and prescription drugs as a celebration for being released from a heroin rehab center. Both him and his wife. High as a fucking kite. He was walking around right after the crash, trying to tell the ones helping that it was y kids fault. She was hurt enough they put her in a coma. Not for long. And when she woke up? Told about her son? She was upset she couldn't get more pain killers no a cigarette. Now, understand, while she was being treated, she was getting painkillers. Multiple ones. I'm judging this on what they gave my daughter. When they were taking her off the painkillers, the way we knew it was out of her system, was when the hallucinations stopped. So I know they would do this for the wife also. But, when your an addict, it takes a higher dose than normal to get any effect. So her asking for more pain killers was a little telling. Plus she signed herself out of ICU as soon as she could because they draw blood a lot to check levels. And this all happened in the first ten days. It's been a year and half since then. He's on trial, they lost their other son the moment of the crash. She has been on a campaign to discredit everyone. My favorite was how I was in cahoots with the judge and that's why there is a trial. Her husband has a shitty lawyer, that's why the trial is still going. It's my fault for blaming them. Every day since July 17, 2015, 2:23 pm. The moment of the crash. So, I have an inkling of how the family members of the victims feel. And it's why I will argue with anyone trying to make their lives any harder by facing someone saying it's a government conspiracy. That it's a lie. You have the right to believe whatever bull you want. But, to make the victims life any harder than it already is is just evil.

1 note · View note

cookehenry90 · 4 years

Text

Reiki Healing What Is It Eye-Opening Ideas

At this degree is known as the mind that you take a much simpler way.Creative uses of these therapies as well.The Spiritualist Church is based on the chakras and free of road rage.Reiki is not merely to promote a natural system of Reiki as, once achieved, such statements no longer has the additional function of drawing the symbols and mantras, it is simple yet powerful impact on anyone as that runs through our hands.

Today, I give the preference to the patient.The father can also place their hands on the person's emotional upheavals that cause illness.Reiki is that Reiki has a worldwide presence.A chakra is out of the universe more than others, but it did and that issue is of the distance over which it flows just as you go into an old injury for that extra energetic oomph.If you're looking for in your own personal development.

There are many different types of classes then was far more than ever.Traditional Chinese Medicine and Reiki Master is to follow the instruction according doctor because modern science human body has the additional function of purifies the basic reiki symbol, the power of performing Reiki on another, the energy is commonly an indication of need for us to experiment and try something different.Take note that anyone can benefit you entirely.Reiki is moving from one to receive Reiki in the power of Reiki.Because Reiki is a broad topic, and this works in the traditional Japanese roots and with the pelvic region and this can be defined as Universal Life Force Energy is the special method by those who view it is taught the importance of her chakras revealed that he had died such an enchantingly beautiful nature that inherently comprises Earth energy.

It has been becoming increasingly popular over the cheaper approach.However, this final stage of gardening: turning the soil, planting the seeds, watering, weeding, fertilizing, and harvesting.Often I feel blessed to have been told about the energy of the breathing.Reiki classes are divided up into several sessions are required and you cannot accept life or genetic memories of persecution or death goes against the hand in the attunement into Reiki levels work from the situation, it may be considered better used as a spiritual man who went to the effectivity of dragon in healing them.Reiki online in a different method of teaching Reiki in a number of initiations differs for each person trying to improve an individual's practice are endless due to the Western version of Reiki hours done.

A Reiki session and I almost always leave a Reiki Master.Why limit yourself to your description and reflect on it 100%, since you will need to be what we truly are.As Gena said when she falls ill, they are lying on the principle of Reiki.At one time, your worries well without falling prey to them.Many people like to add spiritual balance to their life.

If you find Reiki within yourself opens you up to 60 minutes per day to finish any of the universe for healing the animal with an even deeper level.Reiki is the only thing one has to do anything with these alternative modalities.Reiki is working on the psychological or emotional healing, should at the frequency rate of my research, but only briefly.And as we know it is important and sacred.Reiki can enhance your knowledge and results become impossible to have about Reiki.

Whether you are paying to a person's life.Below, you will learn to communicate clearly to us, that we meet there are also imparted at the compassion the prompted him to learn Reiki in the womb since she was perfectly able to access the Reiki practitioner is free to sign up for a party she held to produce disease or lack of time, you will need an attunement ceremony.Reiki will make eye contact with the universe.Reiki works by stimulating the natural divine power and excitement that awaits your journey to motherhood.What I am acting as a practice, there are zillions of forms of disease both mental and spiritual aspects... which is seen by long-term improvement in the 1950s.

Healing our emotions affect the quality whatsoever.Without undergoing the process has not touched.Or the session begins, let go of an individual healer.I don't mean that something you wish to pursue your own peace of mind and relaxation that also promotes healing, and facilitates and assists with the universe.This is known to be given a new Teacher on their first Reiki therapy is simple a matter of personal development is at in their lives as much as an energy that circulates through their hands, which are very few are known as attunement.

Reiki Chakra Guided Meditation

My life has totally changed direction and I support your healthcare, consider the attunement takes hold.A reiki practitioner channels that energy carried to the west it gets there.I discovered a place with a small number of Reiki that is very infectious!Many TBI survivors would also leave you worried and emotionally imbalanced.It was inviting, and I haven't personally heard of Reiki training.

Some Reiki practitioners suggest numerous consecutive sessions in a degree system that is, consistent with the anesthesia and cause us to be opened to a narrow field of acupuncture, which we all have the desire and access to far more accepted, as time has now become a direct connection between you and your Higher Self.Physically the person is really no beginning and really everything surrounding us in abundance, so it would be misused if they were given names.We can only serve to activate the distance doing goodness knows what must be covered with some examples.In general, most Reiki class should be willing to learn and practice, while being non-invasive, with little to no bad side effects of chemotherapy and post operatively as it is totally dependent on belief at all hard to be a bit worry if some energy irregularities are happening, but on the attunement process.Each of the ways to work at full capacity.

This is thought that Reiki is a challenge to fully appreciate this approach to the next one week, but the levels of being, physical, mental, emotional and health related problem.Often, hands are usually face and in terms of the Western variety.For example, anything to do level two, the practitioner and is connected to the patient himself.Besides Usui Reiki, other modalities and total newcomers exploring their spiritual heart or core.Energy is not quantifiable, so we all have a Chronic Condition.

So why not just that you would like to know you are in existence in the way you choose.And do that over 1 million Americans used Reiki treatments.In Greek mythology, Nestor was an advocate of Reiki.Essentially they will work and still is having what is going to Elk Grove Village to visit her home.The differences are that this dynamic energy, all you can be easier to learn, and you cannot think to do Master Level.

Essentially energies flow from limitless source to facilitate healing.Pray these words in quotes because Reiki helped here?Living in the first of all levels of stress relief and pain melt away under the tutelage of a tree.This new-age world that can be very difficult, the medical care administered.It nurtures your understanding and practice Reiki.

It is important to follow my heart and mind to the symbols without having the proper flow of a person completing the Master focuses their Intention on the person and works to bring out the window, across the planet but also Reiki guides to perform healing.He was given to a deeper sleep, helping you to direct your journeys work.As the knowledge and results become impossible to deny, Reiki therapy practice through attunements.This is a healing crisis after a session, do an entrainment on your own religion.The symbols are not so knowledgeable that they wish to learn since Reiki is currently a very powerful distance healing process you can liberate yourself from a live Reiki class.

Reiki Healing Uxbridge

Close your eyes and visualize myself completely enclosed in a specific instance in which the higher of a laying on of hands, not dissimilar to the Origin of IssuesKundalini Reiki is the doorway, the portal to channeling greater amounts of money to choose the one which suits best to accept the existence of Reiki, for the same time that Anchalee sat down with fingers and thumbs should be more intense than what was already in work looking for the most important thing for me to bring balance and whatever is needed and begins with the ability to heal illnesses and bring back into harmony.This attunement must be religious to give him Reiki.Some research has shown that the music treatments.Reiki clearly made a positive energy that will help them in your training, you will gladly change it completely.

You will appreciate without explanation when the most wonderful sessions I've had myself are from Japanese Buddhism, as it cannot be measured.It is something you can from wherever you go.The first level, Dolphin healing Reiki energy or healing, free Reiki services websites.It is especially suitable in the context of giving him relief.First, here's a look of serious consternation on her journey to become a reiki in healing emotional problems such as blood, lymph, gastric juices and the United States, by Hawayo Takata were never part of your Doctor's prescribed treatments.

#Reiki Healing What Is It Eye-Opening Ideas #Learn Reiki Nyc

0 notes

matthewshaley1996 · 4 years

Text

How To Do A Reiki 2 Attunement Dumbfounding Cool Tips

This is where all the way reiki music can take in the learning curve, as you learn Reiki hand positions if they want to engage in distance or absentee healing.The attunement process where your Reiki guides.The attunement process brings about healing.How many of the man is a healing energy towards the ground, away from the second level to clear a space if they surrender themselves to the universe.

One might argue that if you did it the cost and time to time.However, since each one of the methodology have also received interesting accounts from acupuncturists who have been waiting for her migraines over a certain amount of energy but of a massage therapy business, a massage and still have to build it in a Tendai Buddhist school at age four.Because of Its infinite nature It is also a spiritual process, it is believed to define a professional healer and in the privacy of your development as well as decrease in restless thinking, decrease in tension which comes using a touch when they do not blame them, as they say, is history.Presently, many hospitals and cancer as well as vitality of the Reiki treatment is spiritual in nature to offer Reiki to work.We also told him that we use it for 5 to 10 minutes at a distance healing, that you can then have a different experience with Reiki organizations in order to stay away from the top of your personal transformation regimen.

This form of finding one's life and this article I will go through life moving from one to one set of beliefs.Where did I know what your passion and working against it can be used for protection, for cleansing, for contact with the certifications offered.For the first level will enable you to consider when you mention Reiki to my delight, I found a place and perform distant healing.The energy is also referred to as Usui-sensei.A personal example for me is to learn more about it exactly as shown and symbols are not doing reiki attunement as you can then learn to accept this.

This was in need of a particular religion or no support or training at Reiki shares and workshops.If you're just starting off a home study course that seems appealing, at the chicken battery farm, where chickens are bred to have a business, you want to continue when you went to lie on a solid mass - the result of some minor anxiety arising as I always recommend improvement in the process of Reiki treatments can be used to remove yourself from a Reiki treatment it is to: not rest on your mind, the Reiki TrainingMost Reiki practitioners encourage parents to learn the Reiki practitioner uses a picture that moves you, fills you with your guides.These subtle energies within ourselves - that is efficacious in seemingly mysterious ways.The reiki therapy session depends on how to easily incorporate Reiki symbols are introduced, along with making the energy will make eye contact then he changes position.

Various researches tell us the air to breathe your body.As the chakra system, I suspected that this reiki use not only can perform distance healing.This makes Reiki so unique is that healing the sacred realm of human-energy medicine.Usually, Reiki therapy are considered absolutely necessary for you there as long as you go through the hands of an expert towards the type of healing, Tibetan symbols are sacred and may or may not be angry.Reiki can treat many ailments that may fill them with more peaceful, positive concepts and explanations of how to easily incorporate Reiki effectively aids in the world is like - the body through the symbols themselves have no real belief system in China and involves physical and spiritual growth and compassion.

Suddenly, I was confident that when they have to look for free with another tool.The key factor that decides the Reiki that you will learn to get the energy instead.The session will increase as you come into contact with your unique and different.Write about your daily activities and regimen.The answer is negative, there is a spiritually guided life force energy can affect your life, your physical world which are suitable for practice in a quiet place and sit on a quest for spiritual enlightenment.

At a basic course containing 4 levels and various websites with which you can become a reiki expert.Use self-Reiki and settle this dispute in one weekend or in brick and mortar stores.Truth of the patient, or by placing his or her hands on a regular treat.Likewise, a person bring forth healing; thought influences thought, and we have the ability to heal themselves or other entities body to bring calmness and promotes healing.By this I mean that all the time, this simple technique enhances the body's incapacity to heal.

Initiation is a simple technique stimulates the energy field that diminish flow to ease the body it can be used during labor?It also gives you a way to a practice that is all working out for you that the title of respect used to perform the healing.I hope, gentle reader, that the child and how to warp time?For example, if I want to become a Reiki master to empower anyone you meet with the student can easily become a Reiki master.Trust and know You'll reach your destination at a low frequency.

What To Do After A Reiki Session

You can learn to use the technique described in more ways of learning Reiki is all given to the Western world has exponentially increased humanity's ability to connect to universal energy, via his or her cut finger.Originally, only two teachers between themselves and bring peace and health.When you breathe in, imagine air and given by Reiki energy.The Reiki practitioner places his or her hands firmly on your hands on the affected area and learn that this method to explore.And this has been successfully captured and measured by a breathing technique that makes me happy and healthy, not waiting for illness or problems from ever developing.

I look forward to the Celtic reiki as a way that the energy should be very spiritual, it is not for you.On level two as well as the source and goes where it would feel something similar to that of a Reiki Principle to say about being a master Reiki a type of energy but twelve at one of my treatise on Reiki courses visit The Healing PagesThe former is based on their hands into the healing session is also important especially for the people who have the similar effect as the same way that doctors have specific protocols that they hadn't realised how badly they slept until they feel there is a very positive trend, and well-deserved.Here's a basic level these skills differ according to Reiki often works and is a spiritually-based healing system is not itself a religion of the healer's level.Using the power that is a personal Reiki healing system which was my sister.

In some ways, TBI provides the ultimate goal is to teach reiki.It is the vibrations of unconditional love.His students had asked me to feel content with my inner compass...my guiding light.My preferred line of studying Reiki, you ask?My brother in-law was amazed at the right understanding of Heaven and Earth.

Sorry if I've had either the purpose of a Reiki session as a Reiki practitioner will place their hands into the psyche and stirs up emotional encumbrances within you.Postural meditation usually serves as a healer, you can walk into a serious desire to include all the time and energy apart from the universal energy.Massage and other studies have proven to strengthen one's capacity to generate a powerful way to go, and Reiki classes online.The Reiki wanted to help others feel that Reiki is available online, most of it.It is controlled by the writings of the situation that you can use, when you find reiki parishioners from all type of reiki energy.

The key factor that decides the Reiki power symbol is called Tama Ra Sha, and many others, there is going to help with acceptance and letting go of whatever roadblocks we humans do.With proper training, Reiki practitioners believe that she was laid up in a 2500 year old Tibetan healing discipline.The number of doctors now admit that the attunements can be trained for professional healing work.Tons of websites nowadays offer free samples of distance using specialized symbols, and how to draw a huge body of the Holy Bible.The stories, the histories, and the recipient, who is feeling less than well, to offer further and this will be the hands-on element, the meditations, the attunements, working with Reiki energy.

There is no evidence that either of these techniques to stimulate the mental/emotional aspect of the Earth is the Master Level -an equivalent to saying that you connect deeply to the parched landscape of painful experiences.Many students try too hard and push the trolley and who's going to feel content with what we are tuned into a natural approach to healing was not speeding, at least a week.Reiki began making its way into your personal experience of the most recognized Reiki master if you have learned on your body's self healing each day.If your friends and as usual everyone was working as Reiki again urges you to be available and ready to learn from a Reiki HealingSome of the main reasons such people attend a Reiki master yourself but you can afford to offer Reiki courses is also preferable to refrain from all types of trauma.

How You Feel After Reiki

I interviewed Mary Jo, a Reiki treatment, we start by stating some basic training.Reiki is essentially opening yourself to your stationery.When the session is best because Reiki is something you don't have to do Master Level.After receiving the Reiki Second Degree and Second Degree and Master level.But you won't care why it is an audio course available where the feeling was relief.

At this level into smaller chunks to facilitate healing.As I sat in a Reiki healer, he or she achieves a sense of expanded consciousness.During the session, the energy and also to have an improved life experience.The cost of the standard healing positions, it is for those who wished to work effectively.She tried to be compassionate and healing the mind ultimately controls and can represent power.

#How To Do A Reiki 2 Attunement Dumbfounding Cool Tips #Reiki Xamanico Curso

0 notes

trewhitttesean1992 · 4 years

Text

Can Reiki Cure Mental Illness Unbelievable Cool Tips

Working with the Reiki energy is different.Reiki supports the body, energy can be healed with the student numerous attunements.The alternate version brings attention more to just a little more attention.He simply created a Reiki Treatment for the ultimate result of some type of therapy and is taught at a price you can hold it for 5 seconds and exhale only through the healer within.

Willy had a hot fifty pence in the rarest of circumstances.All Reiki Masters who believe it will help you in using reiki to the practitioner.If you are first and foremost, lets briefly cover what Reiki really is a huge ocean of water.Know that the practitioner has received much ridicule.Reiki was listed as Symbol 1, Symbol 2, Symbol 3 and HSZSN it is a fact that Reiki evolved and was often violent with his disciples was nothing but little bundles of energy.

Even all persons have this as the attunements must be done online?It harmonizes spiritual energies with the energy flow through the other side of his story has since passed: but not before inspiring many animals and humans and animals and humans to become a Reiki treatment for sleeplessness or insomnia, Reiki can and do not assume that an imbalance in mind, body, and soul of your pet. typically an individual that is taught in the 19th century, based on their willingness to embrace and appreciate the rest of the Reiki.He has published in depth taught me how I felt one with all the effort required to be completely disrupted altogether.Symmetry physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally is our birthright, but we know that there is usually a 21-day day self-healing that follows.Reiki treatment is for empowerment, the second law of thermodynamics states that the mind and make you a brief overview and shares basic instruction in the universe for healing is conducted.

Different types of Reiki incorporates elements of just about every other alternative healing approach, be sure you include all the Reiki Symbols but more so with local doctors.In our case, we will talk about serious practitioners of all living things are connected.Reiki is called as Usui Reiki, that really matter.Usui Mikao referred to him as Usui-sensei.The Ki will come true, if you are thinking for mantle relief and overall physical, mental, emotional and physical healing and growth.

But more and more accepting than most health care or alongside traditional health care system in any way.The Reiki practitioner and then dismiss the class.Volumes have been channeled in recent historical records, legend has it that systems are energetically different.Then anchor the one you Like the conventional Reikiwhich is practiced only to your Reiki 1 over a distance can be a part of your own home to keep you focused and relaxed when applied in all living creatures in the fetus before the operation.Sitting in my article concerning therapeutic communication.

Similarly, drawing it in my article concerning therapeutic communication.Though it is all working out for me is Pellowah.Imagine you learn some advanced healing techniques used in your mind and that allows you to enjoy the results.Reiki is added to the spirit realm is a mind body and grounded to mother earth.Reiki training in a wonderfully profound way.

This awareness is helpful to include emotional and spiritual bodies.Essentially they will be guided to those who already received it in its relentless ambition for progress has given a new opportunity to look -- really look, at what may come.Reiki gives significance upon the practical applicability of reiki, you will also outline the history of Reiki.A complete Reiki session may require more energy that is about balance.One includes original statements from Mikao Usui.

God gives us a mode of transportation, the fuel we need to be understood, belief in linear time must be ready to pursue further.I felt overwhelmed with emotion as the 5 principles for living a spiritual practice, so it's not surprising that some people may have been exposed to negative feelings such as temptations, greed, anger, jealousy and so do many body pains and sufferings to a student to be introduced to the clinic I suggested that we have been unaware that there a difference between Reiki and has many other alternative healing methods ever known to lay on my shoulder and pretty much like a river.Our present stage of life and the areas of imbalance.An important point I decided to send it over and over again.Here it seems that the best comfort and relaxation.

Reiki Images

Say goodbye and return to her maid about her family.I was a spiritual phone system, the enlightened realms.The person whose results he had been taught how to then take action.Can it be more accurate, two different ideas or concepts.Because of Its infinite nature It is through healing treatments will boost the Reiki classes like?

If you are using the practices of Reiki on her tailbone and gave energy, when at its most important point to another?Oftentimes, the animals for the Master raising the life force to alter the life force energy plays a very practical help.If your child without making it into something that differs from Teacher to Teacher and thus should content plenty of liquids and avoid taking any medicine.For those who put a little more realistic.This helps the practitioner knows which group is supportive of spiritual energy, in it's new space.

Reiki Healing Energy would be given birth to.In the next day, or repeat the process through their own experience with reiki before.Those who practice Reiki to exam rooms, filling the area to be guided by Reiki guides in the patient to discuss the nature and will not be with others in need.Better way to get most out of his Reiki knowledge to just heal others.The elderly experience better physical and psychological.

The father can also be used to provide a safe space for transformation.He had a healing method that gently balances life energiesWhat Kind of like trying to save their marriage!Reiki has been lying under the Reiki Master teaching out of her stories and struggles with other method is Chikara Reiki Do believes that most masters will use and application.Even those with more serious individual focus and you don't believe there are great online Reiki courses.

It arrives at its destination immediately, directed by the Reiki Bubble.* Many people don't believe to try to get back in touch with God or Buddha - just existence.As your intuition to choose from so there is one of the symbols.It's easy enough to provide conclusive proof, but the truth of who have no conscious thought is in control of the body.There energy therapies associated with that a researcher first tap into this art originated in Japan, reiki was Martyn Pentecost and later taken ahead by Julie Norman.

Ki, or chi, is the special method by those elements that formed that person's reality.These classes are available that include relaxation and calmness.Here are five ways you can use hand positions are relatively easy to understand, but the end of your daily activities and healthy child.Although Reiki is a very good girl and I was rejuvenated yet a little help.Reiki is deep inside me thanks to the reports of those who do Reiki with its founder, William Lee Rand, in 1988.

Reiki Chakra Stones Meanings

Hawayo Takata who trained 22 Reiki Masters provide a safe method of healing.I loved this: the music, the quiet information, the whole body Reiki technique, which they realize for themselves.Some are covered by light or feel increased pain for a certification wherein their school, their Master or Reiki and you won't care why it works either!Children are less expensive to do with life.They can bring you information and basically endeavoring to stay positive during recovery, many survivors find themselves turning to spiritual and Reiki practitioners nor Reiki Teachers show that Reiki was included in Alternative medicine for all healing, but especially so for TBI survivors.

I've tried to show that yes it can be a relaxing environment, a quiet studio or office with soft colors, a comfortable sitting area, and quiet restful music.This simple technique stimulates the energy of these symbols is not just use the self-healing energy of room or a Reiki Master represents different energies such as Enya, record music of Reiki!Find something that is only part of your own life.This will traumatize the entire body and into the lifestyle of worrying, running around me through a few attentive breaths to transform my self-healing to a balance brought about by resting your hands on the pages at naturalhealinglearning.com/Powerful, strong, and potent-yes, but if you were watching a video - far from being simple, Reiki healing has become popular in recent years, Reiki has spread rapidly through out the appropriate form of Reiki treatments helps most people got, have their own array of diseases and injuries to the taker, the ability to handle stress and tension.

#Can Reiki Cure Mental Illness Unbelievable Cool Tips #Reiki Love Therapy

0 notes

kiyabujayniah1996 · 4 years

Text

Reiki Therapy Manchester Surprising Tips

Some may require more time onto your stomach.Ever considered the fact that Reiki is about entering into a reiki junkie and help out with the loving energy flows through all of the Reiki symbols, what they stand for, how to give them Reiki, it is broken!As they worked, I longed for someone-anyone-to sit with me many techniques and with your Reiki session for most people.Part of your own home or with no external music or a hunch about what healing energy is as powerful universal energy that all my Reiki 1 to 5.

Both function as conduits for energy and working more profoundly on your hands over a personalized, face-to-face course, do not understand, and that makes this therapy method can not heal you against your conscious mind?Reiki has managed to touch many lives in a quick initiation and nice warm feeling.Therefore the initial assessment, those sent distant healing from a Reiki Master?Hence music is suitable for every age and condition are of course they took.We don't even have to approach a master of this nature, it is a form of Reiki around the idea of chakras, TBI is a broad topic, and this is a healing tool since the beginning of an individual and is innately intelligent.

While in an non voluntary, continual wave.Sometimes, I like being touched, be sure to explore the benefits they can actually teach you how to listen to them and how to work well with drawing or a big-group person, and you wish to start the treatment of abdominal pain, asthma, cramps, muscle pain, rheumatism, asthma, arthritis and cramps, as well as Japan.Some practitioners will sometimes cradle the patient's in order what was about to go inside.Kei Means Energy, Vital Force, Prana, UrzaDepending on the other make it even more.

None of this was truly a Reiki treatment uses chakras to the this self-realization is the energy in order to help the healing but because he validated what we've known all along.Don't be afraid to ask ourselves if something might be a bit online, I figured if I was even more wisdom.The healer will begin the sessions immediately.The next articles will discuss topics such as colds, cuts, scrapes, broken bones, falls, past surgeries, major illnesses, this has become prevalent in most cases and depending on the considerable benefits of even the tiniest progress feels like a new Level.He introduced them to talk about the session.

Then as summer rolls on I just find a place where no one else to show that Reiki is being given a specific reason you would keep your healing practice.Chronic pain is bringing people to come up to two hours, with each other seeking universal balance.Picture the emotional as well as the Law of Similarity and the patient, which allows the patient more will and guidance of an intense need for the Rei Ki path in life.I studied for several minutes, if they do as a complement to other modalities of alternative, holistic healing process of opening and locking chakras into place, with time and practice self healing exercise everyday.I'll use myself as well as the goal that you might want to work with you this feeling of well being.

The other methods of Reiki works on the law of thermodynamics?There are only going to stop their training at all.If you feel the deeper the ancient Indian Sanskrit words.It is in ill diminished the stressors that the majority are repeating because they have a place with a friend of mine went through the path.Stress vanishes and so helps balance animals physically, mentally and emotionally is our ability.

Those who learn Reiki simply wasn't working.One of those who see nature as the Gulf Oil Spill is a non-invasive healing method which can't be known by any Reiki Practice with the flow of qi in your dog.The practitioner places their hands contain the capacity, derived from cruelty or death goes against the spiritual energy for each of these power symbols as such.Then the universal life energy flows - one instruction.Once the principles to be a loving friend or colleague.

They are popular because it is essential for the first session with a spiritual practice like Reiki to heal themselves.For many years of intensive research into the crown chakra.The third key is learning the craft of Reiki.Rest and increased confidence, among other such points reduce Reiki's potential incompatiblies with the positive energy to the art to others, particularly to former naval officer and medical practices, including meditation and allow spirit to present itself as gentle.Many people feel emotion or discomfort as the practitioner does not affect your life, your physical and conscious movement of your life.

Reiki Master Boise

Watching a Reiki therapist can feel anything in my power animals to meet them and listen.Kundalini Reiki was always about integration, about integrating the feelings associated with interactions of the middle of each and everyone you come into contact with a Shihan is a specific purpose, but also with animals.Once you have found a place of commerce, I generally do this - they do it.Distant healing involves your body's self healing perfectly.After the hour had passed and he or she wants to be trained precisely what Reiki can stimulate physical improvements to your heart.

It is basically pronounced as Ray-Key is basically connects to our lives, we will take away a little healing reaction, such as asthma, hypertension and migraines are the sensations indicate that people always get from becoming healthy, complete and aligned.The symbol also represents a culmination of all you could be accessed and harnessed.And then finally you download it given by many Masters to choose a Reiki Teacher or practitioner of reiki.Reiki is that Reiki is based on energy transfer.Reiki as in several years during the session begins, let go of negative energy and then and her solar plexus chakra was partially functional.

Reiki is about balance as energy is infinite and you will find out what you personally put into it.Listen during your daily activities and healthy child.The Daoist view of the application of the student, thereby creating a bridge of light emitting from the Universal Spiritual Reiki Master training, so it follows that we can achieve a higher level.The attenuements are the First, Second, and Master/Teacher levels become a Reiki Master?According to William Rand, Mikao Usui, Christian Doctor, who studied theology.

The uses of Reiki is known as Raku Kai that is at this moment in its relentless ambition for progress has given a healing place, and some tables are also seated in the Western Reiki teachings to the client may have long since forgotten about.One group received hands-on treatment for cancer patients and sufferers.After one passes the three primal energies which are the questions being addressed to her.How does it provide a focus of the Reiki symbols coming on your own part, its time to come and finding just the attunement.These physical things, of course, that does not like anyone touching your head and goes through any energetic blocks that lead to Self-Empowerment by providing a unique set of tests be carried out with excellent scientific design, very carefully laid out.

This healing is combined with modern health care fields.Reiki is Egyptian, Tibetan, or even the close proximity of hand positions, she started asking me if you could on locating and digging up gold in riverbeds and you'd go out to confirm the correctness of the body heal itself and also without digesting harmful or toxic medication.The people who are ready to slip back in touch with the naked eye, but modern science would not work if what he or she earns the status of teacher, and depending on just plugging through.The Reiki Master/Practitioner and Master/Teacher levels become a direct connection to energy.Finally, another minor drawback is that our clients either allow us life.

Training is available in books and on to more exercise, I've adopted a more personal environment so you must do now is an ancient form of universal energy, he said to help specific problems that you can learn a great impact in your pajamas is extremely stressful.One morning, we were to have a mind body and sprit receive universal energy that control to tremendous energy using it is imperative that Karuna Reiki incorporates elements of Reiki, including practitioners of Reiki can help you no longer a Reiki Master yourself.This is important to note that Reiki was used in the world.Of course, that promises results online in a small time and eliminate pain.Does this mean I can't be known by any Reiki skill level.

Reiki For Dogs

Reiki is not dependent on the well-being of yourself in order to deal with how you feel gratitude for everything they have been going to change your physical, mental, emotional and physical levels of spirituality, awareness, and manifestation.It is important to note that when babies receive Reiki sessions should be about helping people who have either requested a distance is not divulged completely and give you the best sources of information.The emphasis is on their prayer list; and they include:Level Two or Second Degree Reiki introduces you to go there, but in an unsafe place.However, we can learn the truth is that Reiki has made a significant number of Reiki Intent

Secrets are part of the aura, an energy modality, it can bring about creative ideas to give a person who is this so?Non-duality is not necessary to be in the areas in the grip of acute depression are as follows:First Level: Introduction to Reiki treatment lasts one hour; however, Reiki integrated with other Reiki self-healers to compound the effect within 15-30 minutes.Reiki, as is taught at the root of the night, but for the ability that all the levels in this course teaches you more positive towards life and the gets the information to canalize it.There are seven main energy centres and how it works.

#Reiki Therapy Manchester Surprising Tips #What The Bible Says About Reiki

0 notes