#but there were countless rounds where yjh swore he would kill his sponsor | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

oseike · 7 months

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I've been hurting myself with this thought that just won't leave me so I'm sharing it so others can suffer with me, hi

But

The one who suffered the most from the group regression was Yoo Joonghyuk.

Let's look at it this way: When 49!kdj collapses, the party ends up with the knowledge that someday, the Kim Dokja in front of them will just disappear. He won't wake up, and will remain as he is until that time. So, they band together under Yoo Joonghyuk, who has evolved his skill into allowing a group to regress, and they go back to save the rest of him. At this time, Yoo Joonghyuk regains his memories of his Turn Zero, and he realizes his sponsor - that silent force that has been watching him all 1864 rounds - was Kim Dokja all along, likely observing from that train.

Then they get there. They reach him, they dig him out of that subway car....and they have already failed. The end result is Kim Dokja in a coma, now looking younger as well.

To the rest of the party, it really is a zero sum, or maybe slightly better even. They started with a comatose, incomplete Kim Dokja who would never wake up and would someday disappear. They ended with potentially even less of Kim Dokja, still in a coma never to awaken, but without the surety that he would disappear. Essentially, nothing was gained, but also nothing really was lost.

Except for Yoo Joonghyuk.

To Yoo Joonghyuk, he intended to rescue Kim Dokja - to complete his own original desire to finally meet the person who led him through his first life, to face the one who has been watching him since then, and rescue his life and death companion.

But what he is left with is so much worse. Not only does he fail, but after they return, that sponsor, that gaze that had been watching him - a gaze he had come to hate but now no longer could - was also gone. He has to live with the knowledge that Kim Dokja had watched him sink into hatred for him, had sworn to kill him, and then in the moment when he had returned at last, intending to save him, he instead fulfilled the dark wish he had made for countless lives instead. There is a black stain on his sword he can't get rid of that is proof of that.

If he had not regressed, if he had not gone to save Kim Dokja, then Yoo Joonghyuk would not have been the one to strike down the last remnants of him. The gaze of that sponsor would have simply faded away with the system, and he wouldn't know what happened to Kim Dokja. He would probably believe he would just keep living to watch over the world lines forever.

Instead, he has to live with the knowledge that he rushed Kim Dokja to his death, and cut him down at the last. The comatose Kim Dokja he has now is a cold reminder of what he truly lost, and the sky that used to be alive with that silent gaze is now wholly empty. For the first time in 1865 rounds, he is alone, and that fact is not a celebration, but a dirge.

#orv spoilers #orv #no wonder he disappears and comes back 2 years later going a bit crazy #i bet he tried to honor kdj by teying to find a way to live in that world #kdj gave everything to make sure it would continue after all #it was his gift to dlthe party and it was clear kdj would have wanted them to carry on and be happy #and I'm sure yjh tried to find a way to do that #until 2 years later ofc #also it hurts me to realize that kdj really did fulfill practically all of yjh's desires #which of course includes the good ones like making sure everyone survives etc #but there was another wish kdj let him fulfill and its a wish that at the end yjh desperately did not want #and that was yjh's hatred towards his sponsor that made yjh want to kill him #technically the entire 3rd/1864th round fulfilled Tuen Zero's wish to meet him again #but there were countless rounds where yjh swore he would kill his sponsor #and in the end that too came to pass #anyway sorry for typos and enjoy my heartache #i hope this makes sense in the morning still

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