Pitch: An absurdist dramady version of The X Files. Like in the style of Pushing Daisies or Northern Exposure. Or Arrested Development lol. where instead of being assigned together they meet at some kind of investigative seminar (or a new agey 'self discovery' thing Melissa dragged Scully to and Mulder's there investigating something or meeting someone?), and Mulder and Scully meet and instantly become inseparable and get married by the end of the conference and have to integrate their lives. It's like a supernatural version of 'Dharma and Greg' except instead of trying to mesh the hippy stoner astrology rebel family background on one side and the WASPy conservative rich family background on the other side, you've got the 'emotionally traumatized and involved in a massive conspiracy involving aliens and eugenics for profit' background and the 'boisterously eclectic middle class family of navy brats and moby dick fanatics' background on the other side.

Scully's a pathologist and Mulder's working the x-files with Jerry from Ghost in the Machine and later Jeffrey Spender, but they end up involved in each other's cases all the time while arguing about them. Samantha was taken but returned like a year/18 months later with no memory of what happened and she grew up feeling like such a freak because of it that she's obsessed with being very normal, so she thinks Mulder is too 'out there' and too overprotective, and doesn't want to believe in the conspiracy stuff. Scully and Samantha don't get along but Sam does think she's better than Diana. Who pops up from time to time to wreck havoc.

Carl Spender is openly Mulder's biological father because it came out when Teena divorced Bill, but he's still a megalomaniacal power monger in the center of a conspiracy and Mulder still hates him, he just also thinks that Mulder should acknowledge him as a 'decent father' because he hasn't let the syndicate outright kill him and hasn't targeted his new sort-of daughter in law. Mulder and Jeffrey know they are half brothers and Jeffry is insanely jealous both because 'Ol Smokey likes Mulder better (cares enough to taunt him instead of just ignoring him) and because Mulder's much better at investigating paranormal stuff. Jeffrey has also always had a crush on Samantha and is trying to protect her from the Syndicate, but Samantha thinks it's too weird that he's her brother's half brother and won't have anything to do with him.

Jeffrey's also jealous that Mulder got married and to such a normal woman from outside the pool of special conspiracy people when CGB will be expecting him to marry who he picks, so he keeps trying to set Scully up in the eyes of the Syndicate or the Bureau in retribution but she and Melissa have the opposite of CC's 'woman danger tragedy magnet syndrome' and effortlessly sidestep his incompetent little plots without hardly even noticing by simply being focused and intuitive.

Melissa is the only one from either of their families who thinks their being married is a good idea. Also Melissa ends up dating the Lone Gunmen. All of them, in a complicated poly situation that both Mulder and Scully are mildly alarmed by this but it's actually very sweet.

Scully's friend Ellen is concerned that Scully doesn't seem to see how suddenly and wildly insane her life became, kind of like becoming a mob wife but with bugs and goo and aliens, but Scully shrugs it off because it's interesting and she has Mulder now so that part's good, plus he needs her, and you can't choose your in-laws can you.