#but that doesn't change the fact that he did something incredibly wildly fucked up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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mikalight for that ask game :3...
YEEEEAAAAHHHHHH
001 | send me a ship and I will tell you:
when I started shipping it if I did:
Literally instantaneously. Like as soon as I saw them like even thinking about each other for the first time before they ever interacted I was hooked.
my thoughts:
MY THOUGHTS. UMMMMMM. They made a ship based on some of my very favorite dynamics just for me. That was nice of them. I literally am so incoherent about their insane and wildly unhealthy relationship because of how much I want to chew on it. I think it's definitely bittersweet bc of how much room there is for like unrequited shit, emotional abuse, generally terrible vibes, but there's also room for them to be having insanely good sex about it and for Light to be worshipped via Mikami kneeling in penitence for the sins of the world that he has failed to curb sooooo you know you win some you lose some.
What makes me happy about them:
I am very happy about the fact that they are having deranged worship kink sex. That's my #1. But I also think they come to understand each other very well, even if their relationship is a disaster. They have a lot in common and operate in largely similar ways and I love that for them.
What makes me sad about them:
I think the imbalance in their relationship is incredibly depressing but I would never want to change it because it's very fun for Me, Isa. But it is definitely a saddening situation. A mess. You're in love with the person you worship and that person regards you as, what — almost an intellectual equal, a devout servant, an excellent fuck, but not really a person. Enjoy.
things done in fanfic that annoys me:
Oh my fucking G-d what DOESN'T annoy me about 99% of Mikalight fanfiction. The Mikalight tag on AO3 is a fucking disaster. I will say I hate when Mikami is portrayed as like, either a creep inflicting himself on Light OR an entirely brainless slave to Kira, and both are very fucking common. I also really hate fluffy stuff for them most of the time unless it's like threaded between scenes of total relational dysfunction but that's my own deal.
things I look for in fanfic:
Worship kink stuff done WELL. Mikami characterization that makes him act like a person. Mikami having a sense of religiosity that is rooted in Shinto practices rather than Christianity. <- This one is HUGE. Acknowledgement of the fact that Mikami is clinically psychotic and likely has schizophrenia or a similar disorder that's not ableist and 2edgy like so much fic about psychosis is. Sorry those last two are just expansions on the second one but they're important to ME.
Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:
Mikami is about to be SUPER ALONE and obviously I'd want Light to end up with L. If L is dead Light is going to "end up" with Misa and cheat on her like crazy with men, which is fine. I really struggle to see Mikami entering a long-term emotionally committed relationship with somebody else.
My happily ever after for them:
I don't know that I have one! Mikami hopes to someday be elevated to Light's level by his grace and Light wants a devoted acolyte, so there's a goal and emotional desire there that's unreciprocated and hard to get around. I think it ends badly. However I do also love to imagine them curled up on the couch watching Saw II like it's a comfort movie. So that's something they might always have even if they break up or kill each other or die.
who is the big spoon/little spoon:
Mikami is the big spoon most of the time whether he wants to be or not. However I don't think Light is above big spoon behavior. I think he kind of gets a kick out of wrapping his arms around somebody (this guy in particular because he's cut as fuck, hiiiiii) and being weirdly possessive of them in their sleep.
what is their favorite non-sexual activity:
Killing people.
ask game
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So, my sister was over the yesterday and I was telling her about how it was neat that Heartstopper had a Canon, confirmed, positive representation of a Bisexual character cause you don't see that often.
And my fucking mother. Christ..
Goes off on the wildly misinterpreted rant about how it's somehow bad to want actual bisexual actors playing bisexual characters (keep in mind, this was not actually the topic we were on. It was the face value of simply having a bisexual character and she misunderstood the assignment)
So me and my sister are trying to explain to her this misunderstanding, which she is not getting at all. And the way we tried to make it slightly easier is by comparing it to poc preferring poc actors in poc stories and how that can better round out the story, especially in regards to writing.
Apparently she didn't get that either cause she starts going off about this one white guy who did blackface for a year as a "social experiment" in the 60s and then wrote a book about it and how that sOmEhOw means he fully understands what it's like being black.
I'm like. No. That's not how that works. Black folks can't just stop being black after a year. His experience is incredibly limited because he is NOT A BLACK MAN.
so I'm trying to explain this to her, that pretending for a year in no fucking molecule of a way is equivalent to the lived experience of being a black person and to write a book about it like you've suddenly understood the entire social scale of racism is inherently 1. Racist as fuck, and 2. LIMITED BECAUSE TOU ARENT A FUCKING BLACK PERSON.
And she says to me. "Then you shouldn't be allowed to write about trans people because you've only just recently decided to change."
What. The. Fuck.
Like. I know she doesn't respect me, doesn't understand me. And likely never will.
(^^^^ this is why my sister and I were using race as an example because I *didn't* want to bring my identity into it^^^^)
I briefly try to explain to her that just because I've only been in *transition* for a year, does not mean my entire life up to this point has not been the experience and life of a trans person.
Of course, she's not having it because she is incapable of thinking outside of herself and her skewed perception of me. So to her, me being trans is this scary new thing that had no warning whatsoever. (Doesn't help that she is and was actively neglectful and abusive to me throughout my entire childhood)
But BITCH. I fucking asked you at TWELVE if I could get my titties lopped off cause I DID NOT WANT THEM. How is that not a trans experience????
She can't comprehend that I am not the thing she thinks she sees. Because she has no idea who I am as a person and she cannot extend enough empathy to understand that I have had a vastly different personal experience than her.
And the thing that pisses me off so much is that she expects me to lay down and be nice and explain everything while also putting aside how fucking hurtful the things she says are in order to "educate" her.
When she won't even use my fucking name. Unless my sister is over cause she's afraid she won't see her grandson.
I can't say "that was transphobic" without her doing mental gymnastics to find a way to be hurt by me pointing out something she said was fucking rude and bigoted.
I can barely even talk to her about my own ficking life or troubles I deal with without her going "oh it's because you're a woman"
No. I got threatened by a man twice my age because HE KNEW I WAS TRANS. not because I'm afab.
In fact. The entire time I've been a truck driver, a Cis male dominated profession, I have never once been threatened AS A WOMAN. But I damn sure was as a visibly fucking trans person.
But she refuses to acknowledge it. Refuses to understand WHY I'm afraid of the roe v wade shit because I ficking KNOW that my medical information, like my prescriptions and my surgeries will immediately make it clear to ANYONE interested, that I am trans. Regardless of if I pass.
That I exist in a demographic at a significantly higher risk of sexual assault than Cis women.
She cannot comprehend in even the slightest modicum that I deal with constant risk that she will never have to deal with. And that when I talk about it, I shouldn't be ficking obligated to debate my fucking existence WITH MY OWN MOTHER.
Also. Just. To fucking put the icing on the cake, she tried to use the fact that I disengaged and walked out on the conversation to say I just want to live in my own delusions and get pissy when they dont play into them. and expected my sister, the only person who actually accepts me and uses my name and pronouns...to defend HER.
As if my sis and I don't constantly talk shit and bitch about our parents horrific attitudes toward every fucking minority.
Also the fucking excuse of using a WHITE MAN USING BLACKFACE to make her point. Like what the fuck is wrong with you???
In what world is that even remotely close to someone's lived experience???????
FUCK.
Sorry.
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Book: Open Heart
Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Rebecca Valentine)
Warnings: none. Pure fluff. Be prepare to melt. Also, I'm not a native speaker, please forgive any mistake.
Summary: Just what we were waiting for after the Book 2 finale. I mean, still not defining? Oh, Ethan..
Word count: 1,463
@openheartfanfics
A CASE OF YOU (ETHAN RAMSEY X F!MC)
Song: A case of you by her majesty Joni Mitchell
Just before our love got lost you said
"I am as constant as a northern star"
And I said
"Constantly in the darkness, where's that at? If you want me I'll be in the bar"
Ever since they laid eyes on each other, it was immediately clear that in the wretched mess that was Edenbrook hospital and life as a doctor, they would be each other's northern star.
A fixed point in the galaxy.
During certain difficult times, they were even brought to think they were meant to be star-crossed lovers, reminiscing images of canisters, protective suits and plexiglass windows.
Such a romantic view for a life they chose to live, knowing that difficulties and loss were meant to be daily bread.
"...how much I care about you".
The words resonated in her head from time to time, after the accident.
She actually spent the following three days tossing and turning in bed, at night and in the early morning, long before her alarm was going to go off.
She couldn't stop thinking about the patina that the plastic shield screened his tantalizing blue eyes with, which made the confession so difficult to figure out.
Was he caring about her like a friend? A colleague? Something more?
Even after all the moments they shared together, he never got to say what his feelings towards her really were. And so didn't she.
But the affection that exuded from his words was something that could have lighten up the whole room.
Then, just as it is, months passed between a charity gala and difficult cases.
Hands touched, lips met publicly and elegant dresses fell to the ground without second thoughts.
Then, it happened.
She couldn't stand it any longer.
Ethan kissed her in front of the whole hospital more than once, and still he couldn't define what kind of relationship he wanted to have with her.
Soon, she came to realize that it was not about the hospital staff or about jeopardizing anything, it was just about him.
He was absolutely and totally frightened.
To deal with all the demons he tried to drown under a thick layer of resentment and cold indifference over the years.
To push her away, again.
To lose her, once and for all.
Maybe he deserved it, he happened to think.
Well, maybe that's an understatement.
It was actually all that he could think about, completely unaware of the fact that he was hurting her so much more by making love to her and letting her go the morning after, unsure of what his next move will be, leaving her on the ropes.
That night she came into his office from a sixteen hour shift, exhausted.
"To hell with formality", she muttered to herself before entering the room.
"What do you want, Ethan?"
"Good evening to you, Dr. Valentine.
I was wondering if you could check on this test results for a brief... What's the matter?"
He looked up at the doorstep, where she stood arm-crossed with a fallen expression on her face and her thick and curly hair completely disheveled.
"For a brief what, Ethan? Why did you paged me here, at the end of an endless shift? Just to let me praise you and your excellent job? Well, bravo. You already know I have nothing to tell you about it. Now, if you'll excuse me."
She turned to face the door again, letting her words sink in the older doctor behind her.
He, for his part, tried to ignore the sting of pain her words caused in him.
"Rebecca, wait. Please. I just wanted to check on you, to know that you're well. You have to admit you've been quite elusive in these past few weeks. It's not like you."
He saw her stiffen at once and her fists close, making her knuckles become white in the stressful grip.
"It's not like me..." she barely whispered, filling the words with suppressed rage.
"YOU THINK IT'S NOT LIKE ME? WHAT ELSE SHOULD I DO, THEN? ETHAN, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, YOU'RE THE MOST BRILLIANT DOCTOR OF YOUR GENERATION!"
The sudden explosion made him gape to say the least.
She continued to stood there, her curly locks all over her face but not enough to cover her eyes, sparkling with still unspilled tears.
"What are you talking about? Rebs, you know that I'm here. Always. Whatever you need, just talk to me and I'll listen."
His brows forrowed in concern under the squared frame of his glasses; seeing her standing there, on the verge of a breakdown, made his heart clench.
"Oh, of course. You're here. Always." she said, imitating him on the last part.
"Don't you really know what's wrong with me, Ethan?" she continued, her voice barely a whisper.
"It's always like standing in the darkness with you. You can never know what to expect or where to turn. Maybe because you're the one who doesn't know where to turn or what to do with your life.
Just take a dammit road and follow it, for God's sake!" her tone began to rise again, and seeing such a sparkle of wild fire in her eyes made Ethan almost sigh with relief, even if he knew he was the only target of that fire.
Suddenly everything fell into place for him.
He played dumb for all this time, trying to ignore the fact that her personality wouldn't admit his going back and forth much longer.
In that very moment, he really was standing at a crossroad.
And, just like she said, he had to take a road and follow it, for her.
"I would... You know, I... I'd understand if you chose to, well... To back off.
I'm not simple. Like, at all." she let out a nervous giggle, caused by the tension of the moment.
"The situation itself isn't simple at all, and we always knew that. I'm just asking you to get your head together. If not for me, do it for yourself. Please."
Her kindness. Her incredible and absolutely selfless kindness. That's one of the things that made her the brilliant doctor that she was and that he loved the most.
Yes, because he knew that. He loved her.
Deep to his very core. She put down roots in him since the very first day, where she almost screwed everything up during that torachotomy and blood spilled all over her coat.
If there was a thing she didn't deserve, was being treated that way, much less from him.
Given all that, he still couldn't find the breath to emit any sound.
He just stood there, eyes locked with hers, a painful expression on both faces.
"I see. Well, I think I'm done here. I'll see you tomorrow for the test results.
Oh, and by the way... You can find me at Donahue's, if you need to tell me... Anything else."
She knew he understood everything, and despite of it all she was giving him his last chance to make it right.
She close the door behind her, careful not to slam it and let her emotions take control over her.
She quickly wiped the tears that eventually fell, unable to catch the ones already fallen on her coat.
Before she could even notice, she was running out of the building.
Ethan was still there, wiping both hands on his face and under his glasses, trying to examine his own thoughts and intentions.
"Do you want her, you scumbag? Well, of course you do. Then go get her! What the fuck are you waiting for?"
He thought, almost muttering, to himself. Such a colorful language was only used in his thoughts, most of the time referring to himself with some exceptions here and there, referring to the guys flirting with Rebecca. His Rebecca.
Coming to this conclusion was enough to make him stand on his feet, grab his navy long coat and begin to run out of the hospital, forgetting about changing in the locker room or even close the door of his office.
The air was particularly chilly and pricked Ethan's nose, the sensation enhanced by his fast pace.
The door of Donahue's was just a few feet away and his heartbeat began to increase more and more with each step.
He was a grown man, almost entering his 38th year of life.
More than that, he was a doctor, dealing with life and death matters every single day of his existence.
And yet, the very awareness of her presence inside that bar, ready to throw her arms around his neck and be taken home to his apartment, if only he had the guts of pouring his heart out to her, made his heart ponder wildly in his chest.
Pressing lightly on the handle, he stepped in.
Hope you like it. Part 2 will be here soon 💋
Also, I'm a newbie and I'd like to gather a taglist. Please let me know if you'd like to join it!
#Youtube#ethan ramsey x mc#doctor ethan ramsey#ethan x mc#Ethan Ramsey x reader#Open heart#Open heart book 2#Open heart 2#Choices#Fanfics#Fics#Writing
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