life update: my chuunosuke plushie has finally arrived 🥹

UPDATE: CHECK MY PINNED POST FOR THE PRE-ORDER LINK!

this is punishment for my wrongs i know it and there are plenty. even if i wanted to push myself to do anything it'll be sub par and i won't leave the uni with the grade i should get. Did i mention that I have a dissertation to do?!This is my final year and It's the middle of march and all i have to show is a paragraph. I haven't gone to see my supervisor once. They probably assume i'm not on campus because i didn't pass last year. All this chaos and i care not one bit, let me just die

My darling, reading this my heart breaks for you because I read it and I read the incredible amount of pain that you’re in. I can’t promise you that I have all the answers because I don’t-on my own I’m unqualified. But I pray as I share with you the little I know, the Holy Spirit speaks to you and gives you PEACE that transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:7) as we’ve been promised.

You know what I know and am so SO sure of? God deals in brokenness. He is a God who sees His daughter broken and tells you “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and He saves those whose spirits have been crushed” (Psalms 34:18). That’s who He is. A Father of restoration, of grace, of mercy of HEALING. All undeserved, all perfect… there is WHOLENESS in Him. Listen to ‘Pieces’ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrpI4oDRFjw). There are so many examples of people who had messed up like HUGE mess ups-David committed adultery. Dude, he had his potential mistress’ husband killed so he could be with her! Rahab was a prostitute, and from her lineage He brought Jesus. Jesus CHILLED with the most ‘messed up’ people on the regs-criminals, those looked down on those in society… And it was all with genuine love.

God wants to love on you. He’s ready to embrace you. So so ready. Concerning uni, there is nothing He cannot do. Know that whatever the outcome, whatever the situation, He works everything-EVERYTHING- for our good. Romans 8:28 says “We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love Him..”. He is so intentional about you-YOU! (another song-by Travis Greene) His daughter, His princess, His beloved. He sees you and hears you. He sees you for who you are in Him. He sees you and sees beauty. He doesn’t see us how we see ourselves-you belong to Him and that’s it. He’s designed your life from before you were born (Jeremiah 29:11, Psalms 139:13). Please, please, no more of these negative words on your life and yourself. That is NOT what God sees you as, His daughter. Please please speak LIFE into yourself. Speak His promises upon your life. Slowly, daily.

God is a loving God of restoration. Isaiah 43:18-19 says “Forget what happened before, and do not think about the past. Look at the new thing I am going to do. It is already happening. Don’t you see it? I will make a road in the desert and rivers in the dry land”. Leave the past in the past and PREPARE yourself for what God is about to do. I know, it is not easy. It doesn’t just happen like that! But allow yourself accept the healing. Open yourself to it.

The God Im growing to know is most definitely is not a God of punishment. We’ve all messed up-in Romans it says “for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God“ but thats the beautiful thing-God isnt asking us to be perfect. That’s what GRACE is. When you’ve asked God for forgiveness, it’s gone. GAWN girl. Psalms 103:12 says “He’s taken our sins away from us as far as the east is from the west”. Isaiah 1:18 says “‘Come now, let us settle the matter’ says the Lord. ’Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool’” and He means it!

The enemy is the accuser of all. He is working so, so hard to steal your joy. But Jesus is with you to give you LIFE and give it to you fully. (John 10:10) I know these are scriptures on scriptures, but they’re for real. They are our go-to. Do you think the enemy was happy about the slivers of hope and times of motivation you had?! NO! Because he is here to cancel out any hope. JESUS is your hope and I know you know that, deep down. I know. YOU don’t have to work hard to get back on track. Cast your cares-leave them to Him. He says in Matthew 11:28-30 (this is a bit of a long one lol) “Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Accept my teachings, and learn from me because I am gentle and humble in spirit, and you will find *rest* for your lives. The burden that i ask you to accept is easy; the load I give you to carry is light”. And you don’t have to feel bad, allowing the enemy fill your mind with thoughts of guilt/shame if you fall off. We have access to His throne, to receive mercy.

Have you ever heard of the parable of the prodigal son? God is standing, His arms wide open, the HUGEST smile on His face waiting to accept you. He misses you. He loves you with the WILDEST love you could ever, ever imagine. He’s ready, excited to restore you. Isaiah 61:1-3 speaks on the beautiful exchange. The amazing restoration He has to offer. Verse 2-3 says ”…He has sent me to comfort all those who are sad and help the sorrowing people of Jerusalem. I will give them a crown to replace their ashes, and the oil of gladness to replace their sorrow, and clothes of praise to replace their spirit of sadness…”

He created you for a purpose so my darling, I urge you from a place so deep in my heart, don’t listen to these lies the enemy is telling you. Don’t listen. I have been there, I have. I’ve been in that place where its just like ‘but whats the point?!’ and it’s very VERY difficult but I want you to fight because it’s worth it. The enemy is so serious about wanting to end us, discourage us before we have the chance to see the GLORY and INCREDIBLE mysteries God has planned for your life. This, right now, is not your destiny. This is a part of your journey my beautiful girl. You have to fight. Not on your own, because you’re not alone. God loves you and will never, ever leave you. He will NEVER give up on you. He will give you the power. He will give you the motivation, the strength.

Start small, surround yourself with worship music. I have playlists, if you would like recommendations. Even just begin by listening to these two songs I’ve recommended and go on from there. Listen to the words, because they are life and THE TRUTH your mind should be filled with and will be by His grace. Speak the WORD into your situation-get MAD at the enemy!! I didn’t tell you to rage oo, lmao but I feel like you’re coming to a place where you’re tired of being tired. And that is when God steps in-when we’ve come to the end of ourselves. As a negative, evil thought comes say no-2 Corinthians 10:5 says “we capture every thought and make it give up and obey to Christ”. I’m not quoting scriptures to seem all holy but to encourage you and show you that JESUS KNOWS. Everything, every single thing we’re dealing with is in the Word.

I love you, and from today I am praying for you daily by the grace of God. God loves you way way WAYYY more-it’s indescribable. You feel hopeless? He is your hope (Psalms 62:5). Psalms 39:7 also says “Therefore, what is my hope, if not in you alone, Lord Jehovah?” I appreciate you reaching out, because that’s not easy. And please, please feel free to reach out as much as you’d like! If you feel comfortable, you could email me on [email protected] so we can talk even more.

God will take care of it all. University, your future, your pain, healing from the break-up. He will restore. He works every single thing out for your good. How? We don’t know. But that’s where faith comes in. You may not see or understand tomorrow, next week, next year even… but hold on. He knows YOU and your desires and has a plan.

Please listen to the words of those songs (“Pieces-Steffany Gretzinger” and “Intentional-Travis Greene”). They’re pressing on my heart for you. Also, darling, have you ever considered counselling? If you feel like reaching out again, we could talk and pray more on that.

I love you so so so much, Anon. God loves you even more. It’s not by coincidence He led you message me. The Holy Spirit will be with you, each and every day, hour, minute, second. Reach out, I’m ready to listen and for us to talk more if you would like. Most importantly, I will be praying. And anyone else if you’ve read this, please pray. Let’s come together to lift us this beautiful lady-our sister. Comment any encouragement the Lord has laid on your heart. Any scriptures, words, anything. Our beautiful Father will be with you, Anon