#but i'm so sad today lmao
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Lonely
Aaron Hotchner x Gn!Reader
Summary: Just a little hurt/comfort fic. It's one of those days where nothing feels okay, but to your surprise, your boss Aaron Hotchner is there to comfort you.
Soft!Hotch my beloved <333
TW: The reader talks about struggling with their mental health.
Words: 1.1 k
It was only you who was left at the office. You thought that occupying your mind with some boring paperwork would help you distract yourself from the painful feeling on your chest. It was one of those days where something as simple as a smile was impossible to fake. It was one of those days where a headache was creeping up by you forcing your tears not to spill all day.
If someone were to ask you why you were feeling that way, you would have an extremely hard time to explain. You couldn’t even explain it to yourself. You were just feeling sad. And feeling sad made you feel lonely.
The noise of a door closing made you drop your pen and turn your head to that direction. Yes, everyone else had left, but the word ‘everyone’ did not include your boss. Ever. At least for you.
“Y/N, what are you still doing here? It’s almost eleven,” he asked, approaching your desk. Looking up at him you immediately recognized concern in his expression.
“I thought I could just finish this all up tonight. You know, so I don’t have it on my mind all week.” You tried to sound casual, but you were pretty certain he was already not buying it.
“I don’t want you to overwork yourself. Especially for something as meaningless as paperwork. You already go through enough when we have a case.”
You sighed, figuring there was no reason to fight him on this. If you agreed he would just drop it. “You’re right.”
You started collecting your things to put them in your bag, expecting Aaron to wish you goodnight and leave. Instead you felt him staring at you in silence.
Bringing your bag to your lap, after securing all your personal things in it, you turned to the side ready to get up. You hadn’t realized that he had moved closer though - to the point where if you stood up, your face would bump into his chest. That’s why you decided to stay seated.
You looked up at him and took a deep breath, trying to calm your heartbeat that was going crazy, because he was completely towering over you.
“Y/N?”
“Yeah?”
“Is everything okay?” There it was again. That same expression of concern. You hated the way he could see right through you. Aaron was known for being able to read people – he was good at his job and you admired him for it – but it was never fun to be on the receiving end of his talent. It made you feel bare and vulnerable.
“Yes, everything’s good.”
He slowly squatted down so he could be at the same level as you. Your height difference hadn’t allowed your faces to be this close to each other before. Looking into his eyes from this new angle felt different.
“Listen,” he started. “I can understand why I would not be the first person you’d choose to talk to about a personal issue. I know I’m much older than you and might act a little like a drill sergeant sometimes, but I’m always here if you need to talk. I would love to help. About whatever it is that’s bothering you.”
You smiled sadly at him because, deep down, if you could choose one person in the world to open your heart to it would be him. But how could you randomly start talking about your feelings to your boss of all people? How does one get the chance to do so?
Except now you had the perfect chance. He was offering it to you.
“I don’t think I’m gonna make any sense, Hotch,” you answered; your voice small and ready to break.
“You don’t have to. This isn’t an exam, you know. You can just tell me how you feel. No need to explain.”
Tears started to blur your vision at his words. Your feelings for him got a hundred times more intense than they were before.
“I’m lonely,” you broke, crying properly now. “I’m so lonely.”
His hand reached out to take yours and his thumb started to move in a soothing motion. It helped.
“And I’m not saying I’m alone,” you continued. “I have my family, my friends, our team... I know I have people in my life who care for me, I really do. And I recognize how ungrateful I sound for saying that it’s not enough. But it’s not. I’m still lonely. And I’m still sad. And I don’t know why.”
“Sweetheart…” he whispered, his free hand cupping your cheek so he could wipe away the tears.
“I’m so tired of thinking I’m okay and then feeling awful again. It never ends,” you sobbed, leaning into his touch without really thinking about it. “I just feel so helpless when it gets bad. Like nothing can help.”
As soon as you finished your sentence he pulled you into his arms. The fingers of his one hand got lost between your hair, while his other hand was rubbing circles on your back. “Maybe this can help,” he said, kissing the top of your head.
You completely melted in his embrace. Your sobs got louder and your body was shaking, but it felt like release.
“Hotch,” you cried, “I just wanna be okay.”
“You will be, I promise.”
You pushed away, just enough so you could look at his face again. His eyes were red and your heart clenched at the thought of him caring for you enough to be this moved by your sadness.
His palms were cupping your cheeks again and his handsome smile made its appearance, looking sweeter than ever.
“Thank you,” you smiled back. It was through tears, but it was the only genuine smile you had given anyone all day.
“Of course,” he replied, leaving a soft kiss on your forehead. “And now…” He dragged out the sentence, while standing up.
You missed his touch already. You didn’t want him to leave you alone. But you prepared yourself for his next words. He probably had to get home to Jack, you thought.
“How about we go get some ice cream?” he asked instead.
Your eyes lit up like a kid which made him laugh.
“I know a place that’s open all night. Let me drive us there,” he said offering his hand, and you took it without a second thought.
“I’d love that.”
You started walking towards the elevator, holding hands.
“Nothing like some ice cream after a good cry, right?” he joked and you giggled.
His hand dropped yours, only for his arm to wrap itself around your neck, pulling you close to his chest.
Maybe you could learn to love the way Aaron could see right through you. It made you feel cared for and understood.
#aaron hotchner#hotch#criminal minds#aaron hotchner x reader#hotch x reader#criminal minds fic#hiding in the tags so i can be insane here hehe#not me writing this when i should be studying 💀#but i'm so sad today lmao#for what? that's a secret my brain will never tell#i just feel really lonely and sad and thought i could use my sweet man for comfort#and thought i'd share in case anyone needs some comfort too#maybe it's because i'm on my period 😔#anyway if anyone's reading this i hope you enjoyed the fic#it's provided by my mental illness <3#hotch 🪐
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weird day to have been an rt fan several years ago
#waveridden.txt#so many of my friends today are people i know because of rtah. either directly or indirectly#the people i met in that fic scene... like 8-10 years ago at this point are still some of my best friends and my mutuals#this is like. so fucked. i am sad and vindictive and outraged and feeling lots more stuff i'm not getting into outside of group chats lmao
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I went viral, man!
#rhett and link#ear biscuits#eb 399#SCREAMING#i loved that they reacted to this and had a while conversation#lmao#very good episode today!!#but i just have to point it out#link had a haircut 😭#it's so short on the sides#but he did leave a little bit of rhe mullet#I'm so sad because he looked so cute with longer fluffy hair 😭#my post
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lmao I never watched the announcement video bc I thought it was clickbait since they'd been hyping something up for like a week or so so I thought it was that. Turns out it wasn't clickbait?
#Truly was not expecting to see what 's going on in the tags today lmao#of course I agree that artists should be paid etc.#but I'm not paying for a streaming service that only offers 1 thing#Not that I'd be able to anyway since I'm not in the US !#now that's what I call an oof move#Um... good luck with that lads#watcher#watcher entertainment#like ik they have morethan one show but its all the same production and people jykwim#anyway I don't like being involved in drama#I just like looking at it & I find it kind of funny in a Sad sort of way#so this is all I'm contributing to the conversation
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I could draw Dewdrop in some historical inspired or fun fashion.
#idk what I want to draw today I'm kinda really sad lmao#vent cw#it's real sad boy hours and my family just left so :/#getting high won't fix me but it's an option
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I had a conversation with my mom about commissions--she’s of the opinion that you shouldn’t have to wait super long to get what you paid for. I’m the opposite; I think artists should be able to take as long as they need to finish a commission, and I’m totally cool with waiting for months even for them to get back to me. Surprisingly enough I’m very patient when it comes to commissioning other people lol. Maybe I just think that way bc I’m an artist myself so I totally get the struggle. (And I also take time with my comms too.) My mom is not an artist so she doesn’t really grasp the amount of time and effort it takes, so she expects results immediately. Which like. I get that too? I dunno. What do you all think? Are you the kind of patient person who’s totally chill with an artist taking months to finish your commission? Or do you want it to be done within a reasonable amount of time, like 2-3 weeks?
#IDK she said that and now I'm stressing about it. LMAO#I put it in my TOS that yeah it'll take me a bit. Bc well. Real life happens#And sometimes it's hard to sit down and pump out art you know?#But some people don't understand that. Some people want what they paid for right away#WHICH IS FAIR. I'm not saying that's unreasonable#Scratches my head idk my anxiety's already high today so I'm worrying about this too now. Nfamkdasmdsa#Anyway to all my commissioners who have waited months for me to finish theirs: You have the patience of a saint.#And I appreciate you so so so much.#Especially to that one person who's waited for SO long now. I swear to god I'm going to finish it this week#There's definitely a line to be drawn with how long people are willing to wait#AND SAD AS IT IS TO SAY. I've crossed that line before.#Keeping a consistent schedule with life and art for fun and commissions is difficult for sure 😤#IT'S A BALANCE. It's really a balance!#Shima speaks#Actually the biggest thing for me. Is I want to put the effort in#I don't want to half ass it. I want it to look GOOD#So I never try to force myself to do comms. Bc that's not fair to me or the person who commissioned#They deserve my best effort and my best work!!#The issue is that I'm not always in that headspace to tackle comms and put in the work that's needed#IT'S FRUSTRATING.....but I'd rather make people wait for something I put time and effort into#Rather than something half-assed. You know??#So that's a big part of it too;; why people have to wait a bit sometimes#Rubs my temples#I'm probably overthinking this WAY too much lol. Sorry it's been a stressful day
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Happy Summer to Q'ruhka. May the gorgeous cat get plenty of sun and beach time. He is worth it.
Well being worth it might be a stretch, he will take the sun and beach!
#q'ruhka#art#fdsafsa ty anon#i think i'm just stuck in my head today#got caught in a downpour and got covered in half rotten salmon juice so im just extra salty lmao#washed up and changed clothes and im still somehow getting whiffs of it#so it was nice seeing this really#just stuck in a sad mood#trying to let go of the idea of Ruhka getting a ship/writing partner#I'm lucky and grateful anyone would wanna interact with him at all tbh!#just need to stay out of people's way for a bit is all
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Match programme from Arsenal vs Luton as part of the 1945-46 Football League South, the first season of peacetime football since England entered World War II. The league continued in a regional format for one last season before returning to the pre-war league structure in 1946-47.
#why did i make this post lmao#arsenal fc#footieposting#i've been doing the postwar wikipedia pages. and hopefully finishing today#this dude on this one arsenal website repeatedly says that arsenal won the 1944-45 fl south cup which they did not...or anything else#so i'm sad at him bc i love his website thank u mr tony attwood#this isn't even one of the top match programmes i've looked at i was just like ok lets post THIS one
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Me, yesterday: *makes a big, involved dinner with like 5 or 6 different parts*
Me, today: *struggles to make chicken nuggets and waffle fries*
#[what is she getting us into now? -ooc-]#To be fair we did our big grocery run for the month today#so I didn't feel like cooking much after that lmao#yeah though I think I was cooking on and off most of the day yesterday#partially because I made iriko dashi from scratch and I wanted to make sure I used it before it went bad#...and then today I made more so I can have more miso soup#because listen! with the air quality being shit and me having done so much talking the past two weeks with Kei's family here#my throat was getting sad#miso soup helps it a lot! whenever I'm getting close to losing my voice#I have some and it always makes it better again
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feeling sad :(
#sorry this is such a dumb thing to be sad about im a grown ass adult but like two thirds of the people i invited to my birthday#either cant come or said they would then bailed and like#some of them have legit reasons but some of them i'm kind of like :/ ok well i put in so much effort for yall would be really nice#if a crumb of that was reciprocated#idk i dont ask for much on my birthday i just want to have a nice dinner with my friends#and i have friends who like throw the biggest tantrum fusses about their birthdays and make it this entire spectacle#and people still humour them so it's kind of like#idk#do i really suck that bad that you cant make a saturday evening work to like eat good food#idk maybe next year i just wont plan anything#and everyone'll be like BUT SIMA IT'S THE BIG ONE and i'll be like well! i wish it werent!#bc it'll suck even more to have people not come lmao i dont actually think i've ever had a milestone birthday people just dont give a shit#this includes my parents idk like they are nice to me on my birthday but like no birthday was ever like hashtag special#and like the holidays already sucked so bad this year they did not feel like the holidays half the people i got presents for#didnt get me anything which is like fine i dont give presents to get them back but it kind of sucks to not even get a card? a thank you???#idk this is so stupid i am turning 29 i pay taxes this should not be a big deal#maybe it's bc i feel like half my 20s were pandemic years so it kind of sucks that theyre basically over and idk im just feeling sad and ol#and lonely and just kind of shitty and unlikeable#AND IT'S DUMBBBBB TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST IDK WHY I'M CRYING FUCK MY STUPID BAKA LIFE
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TMI emo rant - I'm just moping lmao ( don't read if others being emo makes you mopey too, I don't wanna mope-fy this space :'< take care xx )
When the lady in the workout video says ‘the fact that you showed up for this exercise today is already something that deserves a pat on the back’ after you have felt like a hot garbage of a human being the whole day, week, month, just…
damn lady. coming for my praise and attention starved butt like that 😒
#legit made me feel some sort of way lol I wasn't prepared#not even sure why it stood out like that#like it felt like praise obvs but also made me a bit more sad and disappointed with life lmao#just doin my silly little workout bc I have nothing else to do or going on#don't get me wrong#working out is amazing#it is an achievement to do some sort of movement and it can feel so challenging at times to get it done#but when I don't have anything else going on it just felt like...#well yeah... sad and disappointed in life ig#like oh yeah#THIS is the biggest thing I've achieved recently#sometimes that is a huge achievement for real#but for me atm this all just feels so insignificant :(#and by 'this' I probably just mean me#so basically I'm just being all emo today for some reason#and I shall keep doing my next workout after ranting here unsolicited#and hopefully tomorrow will feel better#xx
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okay. super annoying of a rental company to demand that the only way you can schedule showings is via phone (no online scheduler, no email even) and then repeatedly fail to either get the phone or call back. what the fuck is this. not only do i have to call you once - something i loathe - but now i have to keep calling & calling just to see if this time someone will actually answer??? just let me schedule it onlineeeeee i'm begging youuuuu
#liveblogging life#this one person i've been literally trying to contact for one (1) week#and every time i call i get her voicemail#i've left her a voicemail!!! twice!!!!#i do think she must be out of town - she's changed her voicemail message to reflect that she won't be around once or twice#but my god this is so annoying lol this is why you need an alternate way to allow people to set these showings up#and i tried calling an office i've already done showings with and want to do more at a few other buildings#and despite the fact that they're listed as open today zero answers both times. what the fuck.#anyway i get it i am not the center of the universe but um. it's still very irritating considering how little i enjoy making calls to begin#in other news the church apartments were SO beautiful and SO expensive and i'm SO sad i cant rent one lmao#if they'd had one like 100 dollars cheaper i wouldve done it on the spot theyre really cool apartments
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chilling vibing getting stuff done and then suddenly getting hit by 'why do you try so hard to make something new and good and bend yourself backwards pushing for quality when that stuff is mostly discouraged and low effort quantity-over-quality stuff is constantly rewarded'
#life#was on a high after writing quite a bit today#but now feel like a deflating balloon lmao#like yeah nah yeah i've worked with social media enough to know that you have to play 'their' game in order to 'succeed'#but that whole premise is so soulless and yet#it's the shit paradox that most often the less time and effort you put into something the more likely it will do good online#but with constantly diminishing returns it can get pretty tough#like the pattern is there it's all in motion#and it's just gonna get worse and worse and worse#people barely reblog anymore barely comment#i started posting my writing because i thought 'well at least one person might like it!'#like... i cannot NOT write it's just who i am#but even with the folders full of personal writing and whatnot at some point i stopped#because writing is just incredibly lonely and it was starting to make me feel worse about it so i stopped#but yeah nah fam#i'm just fully in the period shits and getting emotional#but the ongoing decline of engagement and communication is just sad to see#like even artists around me who are incredibly talented i see them barely get any notes and if they do it's pretty much all likes#shit's depressing fam#and then on top of that we have people stealing shit from us#like that fucking guy who copied every bg3 creator's ideas and then started playing victim when called out#what was up with that lmao
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Somewhere, Shadow's nose is itching. He sneezes twice.
Weird.
#[dash commentary placeholder];#someone is thinking about him. too bad he isn't around to know people think he's hot.#i'm not sure what he'd do if he knew so many people are thirsty for him lmao the concept never crosses his mind#anyway today has been A Day and tmi im kinda sad about it but im goin to try to write soon tonight i think
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