.

wow three days back on this account and im already venting.

its very stressful and painful and honest to god heartbreaking when my mom tells me to avoid stepping in when my dad is being abusive bc she's worried he'll get worse towards her if i do . shit got rlly ugly tonight. im very very tired of having to just watch & hear this shit happen. im very tired of having to pretend it doesnt effect me. im tired of being made to stay out of the way im tired of being told to be nice to that man im really so tired. my whole life basically in this house ive had to live like 😐. i dont think either of them really realise how deeply this shit has broken me apart over and over again thru my life. ive been having to be the Neutral Mediator since my childhood with this. its very distressing for a child to have to tell their own mother that this shouldnt be happening. that its not normal.

i dont think any of them understand how often i/my alters think about Ending It For Good. why woildnt i? do you think the way ive grown up makes a person feel like they even have a future at all? especially when as a kid i was afraid he was gonna try that first and kill us both. i have a deep internal thought that i need to do it before he does ir first

my mom is still talking like shes on voard with having him move out of here soon but like. when is soon. soon is coming, right???

i csnt let that not happjen

i will lose it if that plan falls through

i dont rlly have any drugs or anyrhing to ease myself

i dont know what to do

shpuld i just run away?

i dont have anywhere to go. i have no friends no job nothing like that but this is just so painful to deal with. and. honestly. i cant leave her alone with him. i cant. i know my existence and presence does little to acrually help keep things from going worse; but i feel that if i wasnt here, it would get way way worse

my mom has so many breakdowns abt how nobody wnats to save her or help her

i do

i do

but she doesnt want to LET me. i dont know what she wants. i dont know what im supposed to do anymore. ive given all my advice. i tey to listen to her ans let her vent but its not enough i guess

i am so so sorry for not being active here but i had a lot of stress because of university shit etc (i still do but not as much as i did last week) (and this week)

you should adopt me as a sister frfr!!

yes about hanbin: he said that you both are already planning the wedding??? you should have told me… #betrayed

and i took my nails off (if thats how you say it😟) and they were no and i had to cut my natural long nails 😔😔

no cuz i lost a lot money now on enhypen albums (i love them sm wtf its so sudden but after i found out that they were in poland (i found out sbout this during they were there) my enhypen fangirl era came back and yk i bought the dark blood album i dont remmeber what version but its dark blue and i pulled sunghoon and sunoo(AGAIN) but i wanted heeseung and jake #depressed (i got jay post card tho) and i csnt find people who sell the original photocards☹️ LIKE GIRL IM ABOUT TO GO CRAZY ABOUT HEEJAYKE LIKE OMFG NOOO NAHH WTF WHAT::;;;;::;;:::&&&&

how did the macarons taste like (good bad mid) ?!??,,? i will buy you a whole macarons factory just so you csn eat them everyday for free 😋😋

DONT CALL ME A ROOKIE!! its the first time it happened (taking a nap and then not being able to sleep again) like i take naps almost everyday because they are so lovely😔😔 but yes no school no university no anything for a long time😋 (just work) (like 20€ per week) (im teaching 2 people english so not a real job tho)

anyway my brother (6 months old) (literally 18 years age difference💀) is so annoying but so cute like bro i hate him sometimes and then day after i love him the most😐😐😐

oh and my hesrt was broken by a guy… he has the same name as i do (unisex name) we were 8-9 years at the same school and he had a crush on me 5 years ago but i didnt have a cursh on him back then so i told him that we are just friends and now since 2-3 years i started to have a crush on him but now i found out that he has a crush on deomeone else (this is mainly the reason why im so delulu rn) (i was always delulu but this is literally getting so out of hand) i also started kind of disliking zb1 i mean not that i dont like them anymore its just im not keeping up with their content now as much as i did like bro my ult groups are always changing (once it was shinee then svt then got7 then nct then gidle then enhypen then txt then svt again then treasure then zb1 and xikers and now its new jeans, le sserafim, xikers, ateez and enhypen (just that i dont keep up eith xikers and ateez content that much)😐😐😐😐 get me some help like i literally love them for a time then lose interesy in them and find another group and then its repeating all the time ykyk omg im so no

i understand bro i went through it myself so don't worry 😭 how's it going? i have no idea how you choose your college in germany so if you wanna talk abt it i'm interested 🤭 hope you'll be able to go wherever you want

bitch you're already adopted ‼️ i've always wanted a little sister

yk i didnt know how to tell you this cuz i'm a bit shy..... but he told you now so you know!! i'm not fully a betrayer!!

OH THEY WERE NATURAL??? the length was so pretty i thought it was not. it's a shame you had to cut it

enha have me on a chokehold fr this cb pure you don't understand 😀 they're also my ult but i've been not keeping up as much as before with their content. this album was just soooo good and now i'm in this enhypen shit forever bro like that's it they got my interest back

nOOOOOO 💔 BRO IM SURE YOU'LL FIND PPL WITH THE ORIGINAL IT'S A BIG GROUP IT'S EASIER

girl the macarons were awful. too sugary (i should've expect this from algeria they love getting diabetes...) </3 i felt like i was eating blocks of sugar there was no other taste i wanted to cry ok. waiting for you to buy me a macaron factory or else im gonna have to marry someone who makes them properly.

this may seem like 'not a real job' but even this is very important on your resume when you'll look for work later! it's still a great experience

that's every little brothers 🙏🏼 i have two and there's days i wanna crush them to the ground and days i wanna give them everything </3 but the age difference between you two is so big!! you know what's cool about that? you can design that kid 🤭 you can teach him how to be a good person, give him good taste, everything! that's the best thing about younger siblings

hE HAS ANOTHER CRUSH NOW?? HOW COULD HE MOVE ON FROM THE PURE??? nah he has no idea what he's missing rn 👹 don't be heartbroken over... a man 😧 okay?? move on too >:( he's no heejake >:(

ABOUT THE ULT THING. i have no idea how ppl keep the same ult for such a long time like.... i mean mine are pretty much stable too but yk there's time where you lost interest as you get into a new group. i always end up coming back to my ult but there are period yk. when i see people holding fanbases for example i'm amazed cuz how do you diligently wake up everyday and do everything about one and onlY ONE GROUP??? AREN'T YOU TIRED??? AREN'T YOU FED UP WITH THEM AT SOME POINT???

plus my problem is i'm here for the music only 🙏🏼 i don't like the music my ult put out? honestly i'm not hyping the comeback or anything. my older sister listens to kpop and fr no matter if the song's good or not she votes on every music show, she streams the song, eveRYTHING. i don't even do all that when i like the song tbh... i think it's funny to see how everyone has a different way of stanning

prompt 3,5,6 with roommate!harry Holland please

A/N: okay so I'm gonna do prompt #3: [X] has no idea what [they're] missing. With roommate!Harry Holland. I may have gotten a bit taken away with this...oops.

It was a typical day for you and Harry. You in you're boyfriend's hoodie with an old pair of Harry's sweats. Harry himself in the same outfit with an arm wrapped around your shoulders as you sat on the couch watching a movie. Your boyfriend, Liam, was away for work in Paris.

Harry broke the comfortable silence, "Liam bas no idea what he's missing."

You looked up at him, "what do you mean?"

"Well you being so beautiful and calm, it being a perfect lazy day. Honestly I'm happy I can be here with you."

"I'm happy you can be home from work to be here with me. I honestly hate Liam being away so much, of course I know it's for work. It still hurts though."

Harry nodded and gently kissed your temple with a soft hum. "Y/n I love you."

You looked up at him with shocked, "wh-what?"

"I love you, I know I shouldn't day it. I just csnt keep it inside anymore, especially when Liam is away so much and I wish you were in my hoodie and not his. I wish it was me you'd, come home to after work. I wish it was me that you can wake up to in the morning. I just love you so much, y/n. I have for a long time now." He looked at you gently taking his arm away.

You gently grabbed your phone off the coffee table and got up, heading to the kitchen calling Liam's number. Luckily he was able to talk.

"Liam, I dont think I can do this anymore. You being away so much, and being around Harry all this time..."

"I understand. You love him now, dont you?"

"Y-yes but I didn't realize until he just admitted he loves me just a few minutes ago."

"You can send what clothes you have of mine to my flat. I just want you to be happy."

"Thank you Liam, really. I hope you can he happy as well." With that you hung up the phone. Quietly heading upstairs packing away what hoodies and shirts you have of Liam's into a box. You looked in your mirror before smiling and heading into Harry's room and slipping into one of his shirts and a hoodie.

Harry didn't hear your side of the conversation. He watched the movie and tried to not let his mind race with thoughts. He put his head in his hands.

You came back downstairs biting your lip and saw him. "Harry?"

He looked up and saw you changed into his clothes, he got up and went to you. "Why are you in my clothes? What did Liam say?"

"He understood my feelings for you, and how I felt with him being away so much. Harry I love you. I just didn't know how to go about it. Luckily Liam understood and I packed what clothes I have of his away. I'm sorry I should have asked before getting into your clothes, I dont know-"

Harry cut you off kissing you gently wrapping you in his arms, pulling your bodies closer.

You couldn't helped the small moan that came from you as you kissed him back wrapping your arms around him. You started kissing him more letting all your love for him come out.

After a while Harry pulled away panting, same as yourself. "You have no idea how much I've wanted to do that, or what you in my clothes are doing to me."

"Mmm well why don't you so me? Please? You have no idea how I feel in your clothes right now..."

He let out a groaned before lifting you up walking upstairs to his room. He set you down on his bed before moving on top of you, kissing you again.

You moaned into his mouth, wrapping you arms around him pulling him onto you. Your body took over and you moved your hips into his, causing another groan from him as he started grinding your hips together.

"H-harry please..."

He pulled away with a smirk and dark, lust filled brown eyes. "Please what y/n? Use your words baby."

"Please touch me...fuck me."

"Gladly." He worked getting both of your clothes off quickly and let out a groan when he saw how wet you were.

You bite you lip moaning as he bites your neck hard and let's his hand move between you two, rubbing your clit. You let your nails dig into his back.

He pulled away gently looking into your eyes, "do you really want this?"

"Yes Harry, please I want you. Please fuck me."

"Such a good girl for me, begging and polite even when you're soaking wet for me."

You both let out moans when he finally slipped inside you. He started to thrust gently while kissing you.

"Oh god Harry, do faster, please. You fill me up so much," you moan as he moves to kiss and suck on your neck, doing what you ask of him. Feeling his moans against your neck making your hips move into his keeping the rhythm.

"Fuck y/n you're getting so tight around me. Are you getting close baby? You want to cum for me?" He looked into your eyes as he moved quicker.

"Oh god yes, Harry please let me cum for you! Please cum..."

He groaned hearing your words as he kept his eyes locked on yours as he thrusted harder into you.

You both moaned each others names as you go over the edge within a few seconds later.

Why are you guys sleeping on Cinderella?

Alright, so a few days ago, i watched all 3 Cinderella movies and just...

This girl

Is amazing!

In her first movie, she has to do all the chore and be a maid to her stepfamily, but she still works hard, but she doesnt take everything so easily. This girl has attitude every small chance she gets! She axts nice when she is getting in trouble for something that isnt her fault, but she still triws to defend herself. Even thoughout the movie she tries to speak for herself and has snide comments when she can.

Dispite the hatred of her stepfamily, she is still kind to others! She even manages to convince her stepmother to let her keep a dog, so long as he doesnt cause trouble. She dresses, saves, and feeds the mice, just because she can. She is always looking out for others, even if it ia a small thing. And all her help got her repaid when the mice made her dress for her, although they did (technically) steal- causing the dresses destruction.

She wasnt after the prince actually. It seemed that the prince was far from her mind. She just wanted a magical night of fun, to go to the ball, and she worked so hard to get all her chores done so that she could...she aaid she wouldn't go when her dress wasnt finished, but quickly ran down in the new dress the mice made in excitement.

Then it gets ruins, and she runs iut to the garden. Cinderella had put so much effort into just having one fun night....so much work just to have it ripped from her last minute. It is perfectly understandable that she would break down crying after all that. Then fair godmother shows up, and cinderella doesnt stop thanking her.

Plus! She didnt know it was the prince she met st the ball. Althought we dont know whag they talked about, it is shown thst cinderella and prince charming spent all night together - and she disnt even know he was the prince! She says it when she runs away.

Then the rest of the story unfolds. The prince has the grand duke search for her, she geta locked in her room, the mice come to her rescue, and after the glass slipper breaks, she shows thst she has the other slipper, and gets to marry the prince.

In the first movie, she was her own person, who wantwd a night to have fun, and got a lifetime of happiness after all her hard work, and help from others when it was needed!

But movie two shows a bit more if herself.

Movie two has three stories in it, and I love that they made Anastasia redeemable! She became my favorite. But this is not about her (yet).

Cinderella spends the firdt story, trying to be the best princess she can be, by doing jt by the book. She puts forth a lot od effort, not for the man she loves, because she wants to. In the end. She decides that doing it by the book isn't her, and she changes it up, but doesn't shoot her teacher down. She is still friendly ans inviting to her, she never says that her way was dumb, she just wantws to plan things in a new way. She opens the curtains, has dun with colors, music, and dances, and she incites the commoners into the castle. In the end, she has the most slpendid party, and the king and prince approve.

The second story is mostly about jakjak wanting to her cinderelly more, but we do see how cinderella is always finding ways to help people.

The third story is about Anastasia finding love, amoung a common baker. Cinderella finds her, but instead of laughinf st her or ingoring her, she offers her help. She teaches Anastasia how to be beautiful as she is, and helps her find a way to end up with the baker, and speak up for herself. Agian, cinderella was more of a background character here, but she was more active in thsi one.

Now Cinderella three.

This movie takes the cake.

Now, the secibs movie is completely ignored. Anastasia isnt with the baker, and instead, end sup stealing fairy godmother wand, which the evil step mother uses to turn time back to the moening after the dance. She makes Anastasia fit the shoe, and Cinderella misses her chance to show the prince loves her. Now this movie has character developement for EVERYONEA. Cinderella, Anastasia, the prince, and his dad! Cinderella is threatened to never go near the palace, but she knows that her night st the ball wasnt a dream. She sings the most bomb aong ever, and like, why is 'a dream is a wish your heart makes' her song? Like...this one is so much better (in my,personal opinion). She sets oht for the castle, where she sneaks in as a servant, lies about being the royal mouse catcher, hunts down the prince (who was spelled to not remember her) tried to get him to remember, and yeah, she give a up a bit, until the mice tell her that the prince was cursed. Then she is back tenfold! She works to steal the wand, and almost manages to save the prince, before the gaurda catch her. She end sup on a boat, out of the kingdom, and she actually gices up here, which is understandable. But the prince chases after her, and it is a bwautiful scene, go atach the movie, please, the boat scene is adorable. After that, when Anastasia is turned into her, she is asking if it will make anastasia happy, and when she is in a runaway pumpkin carriage of doom, she keeps the mice as safe as possible, while fighting an evil cat. She then crashes her own wedding, and stepped in front of anastasia to protect her from the spell that the stepmother was going to cast. She was headstrong and determined, and she always gave it her all, for even a silver of hope. She only gave up when there was nothing she could do anymore, and it is wasnt given back to her.

Anastasia found out thag she wanted to love someone who would love her back, and (kinda) turned agianst her mother, she refused to msrry the prince, and stayed by Cinderella side, but she still loved her mother, never telling her off. I found it kinda nice, they didn't turn her around to hate her mother suddenly. Anastasia had always worked for her mothers praise, and im sure it hurt to be called a 'spoiled ' child, but she did what was right, for everyone, and her heart as well.

The prince was given moee than a few lines, and was a key part in the story. Not jsut a driving force. He was shown as talented in many things, like a prince would be, but had humor to himself too, he saw anastasia the firdt time, and flat out asked if he was in the wrong room. He believed talking mice when they told him he had the wrong girl, and he JUMPS OUT A WINDOW for her. He also calls her cinderelly, which was a nice little laugh. He uses his sword to hit thw final magic spell to the stepmother, and spwnt the entire movie just looking for the love of his life.

The king was a good laugh, and wss more than just a shott tempted dad aho wants grandkids. He had some logic to him flst out saying "you csnt pick a girl all because of her shoes" and he took anastasia aside to give her a shell that means the world to him, because it was a symbol of the loce between him and his wife. He was still shorttemped, but was showing more of the dad side of him.

Overall, Cinderella herself, as a princess, is more than someone who waited aeound for help. She was always working for a happier life, and when she got the chance, would give it all she got until she couldnt anymore. In conclusion

We stan

Pinatagtapo pero hindi tinadhana...

HAHAHHA hoy i badly want to send this song to you right now, pero aware naman ako sa lahat ng songs na sinend ko sayo wala ka halos pinakinggan at wala ka pake... so here i am. im stopping myself already. dont worry ill get to a point na wala na talaga ako pake sayo and di na kita guguluhin.. i know i hurt u so much before pero grabe ka talaga manakit saken this time... ever since... ikaw talaga nagpapamuka saken na di ako enough.. di ako worthy... im replaceable and i was stupid enough to let you do that. to let you decide kung ano ba talaga ako.. and now u wont stop bothering me pa. youve done so much damage in me... and now i dont know ano pa dapat gawin to heal and fix myself. yes i was grateful ive met you, ive experienced so many things with you and i admit that i would like to feel some things twice with you, every first that ive done with you.... but... what do i do now? naging malaking parte ka na ng past ko and i cant deny na what i am today is bcz of you.... yes.. but i wont let you do that to me again... past lang yan.. i can do big things na makakatalo sa past esp those things that i do before.. i will be better, not for you and not everyone else na sinaktan ako... but for myself... i dont know how to apply all those lessons that ive learnt w u and others thats why i tend to do the same mistakes all over again... but dont worry, it will to a time na i will refuse... right now i kinda want u to regret... but i know soon, mawawala na yun. mawawalan na ako pake tuluyan.. na i wont even want u to regret anymore.. alam mo yun. genuine happiness? masyado lang talaga akong stuck sa past ngayon, im stuck in this mindset na i might not find anyone better than you, na i dont want to start with someone else cuz i have to start to zero... but i realized na i wont start with that someone naman with the same thing i started with you. basta yun, sobrang gago mo lang talaga sa part na kaya mong gumusto at magmahal ng sabay... at sa part na u keep on reserving and opening rooms for someone in your past just bcz u believe na hindi pa nagtatapos yun dun, bitch... i mean kung hindi pa, u wouldnt have let go of that... basta gago ka. pero ganon talaga nagmamahal ka lang naman. natrigger lang ako, cuz selfish ako. selfish ka, pero i admit na selfish din ako at some point. and im sorry... thank you. i hope we'll get to a point na we can be friends.. totoong friends.. hahaha idk even why im saying that... but right now i dont want u to be part of my life and world anymore so please could u stop bothering me ;))) have a nice life. ive wrote too much tonight. im not drunk.. haha wala na tama saken alak, its just that pagod na talaga ako maging botherd gawa mo. i csnt even open myself for new opportunities and chances cuz im stuck w u. im gonna do anything to avoid everything that is connected sayo, nablock na din pala kita sa dump twttr mo. and sa phone bye

God ok i haven't vented because everyone hates me and wants me to stfu but i cant take this anymore!!!!!! Ny depression has been shitty and bad since high school ended i dont have a job anymore i dont know what im doing and im unable to even take a shower or talk to anyonw because of fucking anxiety!!! Abd paranoia abd everyonw keeps leaving me bevause im apparebtly a toxic delusional person i wasent even mean yo tyen!!! And it hurts because people hate ne and i know people haye me noe and eceryone hates me!!! And alsp im sick of livi n im sick of my bad fucking health and how weird iam and how i csnt even fuckibg talk and hpw i break doqn often vecause i csnt even get help for it!!! What im upset about most is how i need 2 be the best!!! !!! !!! But i know im not,,, Everyone os always better than me I wanna hace a nice style like sleepykinq or scotchtapeofficial abd make cool stuff and likw everyone loves them and they arw t e best but honesrly nobody gives a shit aboyt mw Like I honestly dont fucking exist If i dint force myself to say hi to some9ne nobody ever cares how im doing!!! And everything is shit haha!!! IM DONE TRYING!!! everyone fucking hates me im ao insecure about myself abd my art cause i need 2 be the best but im not!!! Everyone is always better than me!!! Aaaaaaa!!! Like everyone whps youbger and 13 has like jobs and amazing art and commission a and everyone loves them and they hace everything butme o have no job and fucki n depression i csnt even get fucking help for!!! Im serious iv tried fucking ecerything but family dont give a shit dont even give me advice i know ill just disappoint y more!!! I csnt do anything im super sick mentally and im alsp phyiscally bad 2 and i cant fucking do anything!!! Im so!!! Done witu everything i dont even care anykpre!!! O dont cwre!!! Im sick of being thrbwpese thos hurys ao mich i wont be special or anything!!! Im not gonna hace anything im good at ot best at because im always comparws to someone smarter and better!!! And om always called stupid lazy a bitch and a r*tard and in always mad fun pf how im weird and tye hesd snf how i shpilf be locked up those are commebt from my mom!!! I dint o cant do t is anymore!!! Everyone os happy and im a mistakw!!! Im a mistale amd i just wanns kill myself and deleye !!! I will necer be good im always taken advantage of caude im stupid!!@ and nobody takes me serusoly and im rly hurt!!! Im hurt by everyone and NOBODY FUCKING CARES THE SYSTEM DOESNT FUCKINF CARE T E WORLD JUST WANTS F7CKING MONEU AND DIAABLED PEOPLE SHOULD JUST GO DIE RIGHT HAHA CAUSE IN A STUPID PEIXE OF SHIT WASTE OF SPACE WHP WILL NEVER DO ANYTUI N GOOD??? im just so upset and sick of everything i hacent even talked to anypne irl i hacent left yhe house im usless there is nothing i csn do!!! Im sp done im done im done!!! I keep fuckingtrying but i dont deserve anything good cayse eceryone else is always bettwr thab me im sobbinh im so hurt

I wanna die lol I hate my mom and she hates me i dont fuckinh care Nobody cares to check up on me from my "old school " abd eve r one just fucking left me my fps did nobody gives a shit i dont give a shit iv fucking had enoug I cant evem be mad how my mom mocks me all the time and sa6s she hates me and how sje takes away my stugf and break s ir!!! When o sau go away or leave me alone she started to fuckong do this new stupid thing where sje guilts me and says "its ok when i die i will leave u alone forevrr" DONT U SEE??? i csnt fucking get help or counaing for anything om stuck!!!! Being usless She controls everyone she controls me she shoves me into this pathetic little box o camt get out of i cant get help and iv become sk bitter snd angry nothing helps!!! And o domt care anymore im a bad persom!!! I dont know why i keep coming baxk online to this stupid site i hate my life i haye her I xsnt evwr get help Evethinf is fake U all lied Fuck thos Im dome Nothinf ever gets bettee My depression abd all that shit has gptten so bad i csnt control antthing anymore U guyS DONT FUCKING UNDERSTSND!!! NONE OF u fucking unserstsnd nobody can help me smd i csntnget sny fucking help She wont let me I csnt See or tapk to anyone She tAKES EVERYTHING ASAY AND BLACKMAILS ME AND IM STUCK IN MY FUCKING ROOM.I CANT DO ANYTHING MTSEDL IM HELPLESS she made me rely on her all the i cant do anything anymore I cantdo this Fuck