#but alsoooo i might just be suppressing Just Romantic feelings bc they're inconvenient
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HSJDGSJSK
#YEARNING#this is terrible i hate it make it stop#oh [REDACTED] ur just too charming................ 😓#complicated feelings for ur bestie be like:#'well OF COURSE i love them!!!! but not like that..... wait.. actually.... hmm........'#it's so strange like i Feel Like perhaps the 'queerplatonic' label fits here but i've also never explored what exactly that means To Me#that + the 'kissing the homies' meme unironically#Affectionate Queer Friendships r just built so different & i think that's beautiful even tho it hurts my Society™-poisoned brain#but alsoooo i might just be suppressing Just Romantic feelings bc they're inconvenient/#i have an antagonistic relationship w my romantic attraction (i hate it & it hates me back <3<3)#FUCK i wish i was aro#i am just naturally v affectionate & loving to my friends in general like why can't that be enough for me ;_;#also something something relationship anarchy#it's all v difficult tho bc also i feel everything Very Intensely & having SOME way of sorting/categorizing/organizing my feelings#is helpful as i try to navigate them#though i could probably do w a healthier/more useful/etc way of doing that#bc obsessing over 'is it plantonic or romantic or something else' has been a Reccuring Thing for me in the past#& i think subconsciously the purpose of that has just been to distract myself from the issue at hand#('i am feeling a STRONG affection for my close friend & a need to express it & i am afraid doing so will cause problems')
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