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simpingwriter · 1 year

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Cal Kestis x Kyra Yarmot

'In the Name of Love' pt.11

Next chapter is going to be the final Chapter, no matter how long it becomes!

This is readable 😌

I got not much more to say for this one- 😂

Enjoy! :)

Word Count: approx. 3.367 Words

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A burning hot sensation went through your body, but not even a shout managed to leave your mouth in time…this was it, wasn't it...

But there was no pain.

No humming of the lightsaber that's supposed to be embedded in your lower stomach at about now. Then where is this warmth coming fro-

"...how much I have missed you!"

Familiar words took you back to reality, freezing at the just as familiar arms wrapped around you. Not at your throat, but around your waist…a familiar gesture.

He…he was hugging you…tightly, like you would disappear into thin air, or like you would try to run away.

While BD was clearly ecstatic to see his actual owner once more, beeping and whistleling joyfully, not caring even the slightest bit about what he looked like now, you were…overwhelmed. That was the simplest word to explain the Rollercoaster of emotions inside of you and not all of them turned out positively.

He frowns when you don't reciprocate his hug like you once would've, sighing defeated, "I…I guess I should have expected that, I-I wouldn't deserve anything else…" He whined, hurt by your stranger and unusual reaction eitherway, yellow and red eyes avoiding you as yours quite obviously stared back. It was the first time you saw them up close, in your defense.

'Kyra? …won't you at least speak to him again?'

Cal's frown turned into a bitter grimace at hearing the strange words from BD, not able to fully take his gloved hands off of you, grabbing your smaller ones in replacement for not hugging you, he just...had to touch you – he craved your gentle hands – at least in some way. Even that shook you to your core…you expected him to want to kill you…that he was no longer himself, but…but everything…everything felt like before.

And you couldn't compute that at all, you thought they would torture him, that they would wipe his entire personality! Does that mean…did he actually join on full willingness?

Your Cal?

"BD, what do you mean with that?" 'Kyra hasn't said a word in nearly three months now…' BD explains in depressive beeps and boops, desperately and yet weakly nudging you with his head in another fruitless attempt. But you only stared at Cal. Your innocent Cal…choose the dark side…from his own free will?

How?

What really happened that you never found out about?!

All the nightmares you caused for yourself because you thought he went through living hell for you…in the end you were the only one being tortured in these past rotations.

Back in the open ship stood The Second Sister, intently watching Cal interact with the winged creature. He called her Kyra when he talked about her…She wanted to stuff his mouth an unmakerly amount of times for whenever he brought her up, again, again...and again. Never ended in anything else but tears and him wasting the precious time they had during training.

She met Kyra twice before, both times she knew…she knew she was holding back in each encounter. Kyra was not fighting on her full potential both times for whatever reasons and even then she felt that she was not prepared well enough for the sheer amount of physical strength alone this girl brought to the battlefield, not even using the Force during the greatest parts of their battles. Just like it was once known for her Species...and it was truly a shame what happened to them, they could've become remarkable Soldiers for the Empire.

So when she saw just how gentle he was able to be with such a creature clearly made and trained to fight their wars, she scoffed. Cal was able to break and take down her guard in seconds…they definitely were in love, just like he told her, countless times. Love…such a raw and powerful emotion. Sometimes more powerful than the worst feeling of hatred, so no wonder the Jedi had forbidden such attachments. The Sith embraced these emotions, but rarely was the emotion of choice... Love...

Cal didn't know which type of anger he was supposed to react with, hearing that you – of all people – refused to speak anymore…"What…what did these people, these monsters, do to you while I was gone?!" He almost yells as you flinch back in surprise, Cal had never been like this before or at least he never had shown it openly. What if that, what if that was how he truly felt towards Cere the whole time? And he held back, just like you, for the sake of both of you? BD though intervened, jumping onto Cal's Shoulder in an attempt to calm the former Jedi back down.

'It was Kyra's own decision, for that part…'

"On her…own decision? But why?"

How would you…or BD in that case, explain to Cal that…that he was the indirect reason. Your worry, your fear for his safety haunted you, you lost so much energy through these constant nightmares, you had to preserve wherever you still could.

And mostly...it was a form of accepting your defeat…

'They abused her abilitie-' even on Cal's Shoulder, you didn't shy away from grabbing the Droid by his "throat", shocking him enough to keep him from just freely blabbering around, uncaring about the small tingle you merely felt with your thick skin as he tried to zap himself free. You yourself only just had been made fully aware in which ways they took you for absolutely karking granted, that you would no longer return snappy comments if angered or annoyed. You just began to idle and fight your life away…without Cal, it lost its color and reason.

Trilla heard BD this time, sensing a good opportunity for Cal to get his little – and just way too dangerous to leave wandering without a karking leash – pet dragon back quicker.

So striding down the lowered platform, she shook her head with condescending tsk, "So she was used as a slave? Who would've thought." The fact that now even she used that…word. Due to her words combing through everything you witnessed these last rotations, you didn't even react or flinch when she suddenly stood next to you and Cal.

And still she didn't set up for an attack either, even though she must've noticed very well by now that she could've won today. She could've killed you today, you're weakened, seriously exhausted, all by your own hands and still served yourself on a silver platter just by your almost feral desperation leading you here today. Or it sounded like that from BD's continued explanation as you remained dead silent. With your gaze glued to the ground in a foreign kind of shame, you gave up to continue forbidding BD to speak. The Loth Cat was partially out the sack either way already…

Now both Inquisitors listened to the Droid's quick "words", you heard it all as well, but you knew about your pathetic story already, so you tried to tune it out to the best of your currently lacking abilities. Maybe to…think about better times a bit, with the technically calming Mountain breeze going through your hair and wings, an unknown smell mixed with Cal's very prominent scent. Was it the flowers? Or just the smell of actual fresh grass and the clean water?

It's already been so long since the last time you had been able to take Cal on a nice flight…just the two, well three, of you. He got braver and more used to the heights with every daring flight he joined you on, once he even asked you to drop him from higher up, he wanted to feel what your feel, the freedom of the sky.

With the promise that you would catch him of course.

That day, Cal sailed multiple times through the skies on Zeffo, albeit not flying like you, but he quickly found good form to draw out his air time. The fact that he said he tried to copy from your style made you even prouder.

You then would fly lazy circles around him – it was more gliding than flying in that moment really – watching his expressions change in case he began to get scared again or he started panicking, but mostly to see the funny ones that came from him trying to talk or laugh against the wind, the changing speeds of his descend pulling at his facial features. Oh how you wished you still had the camera Zeta had gifted you once to take photos of him and the rest on your adventures...all these photos have been lost when you lost it on Bracca four years ago...

His soft, near glowing orange hair was so incredibly messy and poofed up afterwards, not even combing through it with your claws helped as he continued ranting to you about how this was the most amazing experience ever and everything. Now you couldn't help but think, did he already have these run away plans on his head back then too, even during these short moments just between you three? In that case, maybe you took said bitterness off his mind for at least one day…

At your worst days now, you liked to try and visualize these specific memories during meditation for yourself once more, quickly noting that they were the only way left to keep your head clear enough to even call it meditation anymore. To fill your ears with his excitement and laughter instead of his – now apparently and fortunately debunked – tortured screams for help…for anybody to come for him.

Another slight zap to your shoulder pulled you from your thoughts and your eyes quickly scanned over the overwhelmingly docile Inquisitors. One was just your Cal.

"BD told me everything. I…that you went through all this suffering because I was too scared to tell you about what I was going to do…I cou-could have prevented that!" His voice suddenly stuttered as he sobbed his last words, tears welling up as he went out for a new hug, just like he remembered. But he also remembered how stiffly...how different...you reacted to his first attempt just now…

Defeated, he lets his arms limply fall back to his sides as he started to clench his fists – resentment crossing his freckled face – the black and red leather covering them groaning and squeaking from how new they probably still were.

But he didn't prevent it.

He just ran.

"I should've told you…I should've just…just karking told you!" He confessed angrily – angry towards himself, Cere...everyone that hurt you like this – hot and fresh tears now spilling from his oddly colored eyes, ignoring the visibly annoyed stare of the female Inquisitor next to him, knowing exactly how on edge she would make Kyra if she would fully realize that she was next to The Second Sister of all people there could be.

How on edge he got her…the thought alone made him want to punish himself for making her feel this way. He could've eased her into his decision, but he didn't.

'What happened?' As if BD was able to read your inner thoughts, he asked the question that burned the most under your claws. And you made that obvious as you widen your eyes, ready to expect anything from now on, as long as he just told you finally. You waited for his reasons for almost three months now, almost as long as you knew him before!

In the end…you just wanted Cal back…no matter what it takes.

BD's question seems to have hit home right away, Cal watching your huge scaly tail swish back and forth now, like a Loth Cat. He wanted to smile at that, it was always a clear indicator of your interest in something. Sometimes you don't even have to talk to convey your thoughts for him, he knew your body language.

You were open to hear whatever he knew…

"It's a very long story…it began with what I told you all the way back on Bardotta once...and j mean when i found out about it..."

Right, Trilla, how she was Cere's Padawan and got basically sold out.

But from his words and tone, this of course wasn't everything.

So you nod in an attempt to convince him to continue talking, his voice evidently stuck at trying to form the words for what he was going to say next...his struggle was just as visible as your tail.

If you just could tell him to rip the bacta patch off. Just like you did months ago, the day before he left you in the middle of the night. A confession you never regretted to have done that way.

'She can take it.'

Thanks BD…

"...Cere knew the people that enslaved your kind!"

What?

He didn't even leave air for you to react quickly enough at what he just said, continuing immediately as he began to scowl. You really had never seen him so furious, you reminded yourself, but it didn't scare you, you knew it was just another facet of his emotions, just never used much before. Like everyone had multiple.

"Cere knew something nobody else did anymore, because of Cordova. He knew, he was there. Your kind was never brought to extinction by the Empire or the Sith…" Then who-

'Are you implying that-'

"The Republic and their loyal Jedi brought upon the extinction of your species, Kyra…"

That can't be true! Master Tegra, he was on the Council, he would've known of such acts, he would've told you! He wouldn't have kept such a terrible secret from you! This has to be some kind of Imperial Propaganda they told him!

Maybe he had been brainwashed after all?!

Looking for any indication that his words were a lie, you stumble backwards from the shock. You…no…no! They wouldn't have done such a thing!

"Kyra, calm down! You're hyperventilating!"

Memories of you encountering Senators, other Jedi Masters, the rest of the council…they all…they can't all have been tricking you! It's a lie from the Empire, you were certain!

It took your graceless tumble to the wet ground of the mountain, your hyperventilation, as Cal called out with panic, for Trilla to speak up once more. It's only then that you fully realize that it is actually her, further fuelling a feeling you had never had in your life before. Because it wasn't natural to your species.

Prey. You felt like you are the prey.

Because you knew yourself that you wouldn't have the energy left to fight her…or him. They could kill you right now, use your overwhelmed mind to attack…

"Clearly, you don't believe him and from your unaware standpoint, I could understand. But there have been Archived Data Logs that tell a much different story to what you have been taught all your life by these oh so great liars. She still has them too. Find them. Listen to them."

She wasn't trying to kill you either…she was talking to you, though visibly annoyed at your reaction. But how could you just believe them blindly…how could you believe anyone this blindly?

Was there truth in their words?

Her words also implied that she wasn't going to capture you, just like she wasn't going to kill you. All your life you ran from her and her people, with the only thought whenever you caught even a whiff of them was to run. Run and fly till you could no more.

And now one was talking to you.

Now your mate was one of them.

As if the former thoughts about Cere hadn't already caused a near endless searing headache for you, the new additions of information, the twisted fact that the enemy wasn't attacking you on sight for once, they only enhanced the pounding against your dense skull. And that she gave you…hints. Hints you didn't know whether it was smart to believe they are even real – so you obviously didn't without first seeing the mentioned proof – but that didn't pain you as much mentally as her close proximity in this very moment, not even two feet away from you. She kneeled down to your side with a mocking sneer, absolutely done with your "overreaction" – in her eyes – as she told you those words. She probably felt the same way back then, when she found out that she was sold out by her own Master...

"Trilla, she is going to pass out if you're sta–" "She needs to get a grip on herself! This no longer is the same girl you went on and on about for HOURS, this is a weak shell if anything at all!"

He talked about you to her? For hours? He really still thought about you in the same way you thought of him? On his thoughts constantly, night and day?

He really still felt for you?

Her angry shout throws you from your garbled messy garbage pile of thoughts, feeling them tune down their indescribable noisiness as you force them to the back for later. It was almost impossible to do after letting them reign freely over you for two and a half months, something you always managed to avoid before you met Cal. A noisy head means you're incredibly off guard, your survival chances sinking to single digits, a prime target to get attacked, used, misused…

Like Cere did.

You started to stop trembling slowly but surely, your uncared for and now much more blunt claws digging against the rocky ground, even then still leaving their marks easily as you try to actually calm down. You're not acting like yourself anymore…this…this isn't you.

The Kyra you are, the one you grew up to be a long time ago, did NOT let herself get kicked around! She didn't shut up just because someone thought they were in the right to tell her to either.

You are NOT the prey.

You are NOT a slave…

You are the predator!

'Kyra?' BD beeps scared, watching you shakily stand back up on your feet, not from shaking from fear. While the tremble in your body, your wings and tail subsides, the hot tears on your face stay. No, they got worse, a growl starting to build in your throat.

She abused your slowly declining mental state, abused the fact that you gave up on yourself!

She used this pathetic shell of yours, this cheap excuse of yourself...for her bidding…and if Cal isn't lying to you, if he isn't brainwashed and has been told to tell you that in case you met…

You felt something build inside of you, something you remembered having had once and began to lose over these months to the void.

Anger...

Rage...

If anything they said was true…you were going to…

r i p h e r l i m b f r o m l i m b !

And for the first time in months, you used your formerly strong voice again, feeling both their widened yellow eyes on you as you began to scream out your pent up raw anger, claws wide and begging to be put to be use. As loud as you could possibly be, ignoring the fact that your throat will be sore from this mis- and disuse.

A guttural scream and steaming hot air left your body, breaking down the mental borders you had begun to build in these bleak, monotone months.

Even then, you didn't feel exhausted from it after you were done.

If anything, you finally felt again what it was like to be under adrenaline without your life being under actual threat. Your natural adrenaline was back, common to your species.

BD, who suddenly hid behind Cal – who also had to take a step back along with Trilla – when he got scared, looked back over his partner's shoulder, the first to whistle in question as your shoulders rose and sank with your heavy breathing. 'Are you okay again, Kyra?'

Okay? Maybe. But it would take a while till you felt good again. One thing namely helping being to find this apparent Data Log the Inquisitor talked about, to get certainty. The fact that you were about to listen to something your enemy told, it made you cringe inwards, this wasn't what Master Tegra had taught you.

But right now…everyone was an enemy, you would never trust Cere the same way again either way.

Even if that Data Log didn't exist and the Inquisitors...if he turned out to be a liar – wow they can lie?!? Of karking course they can…but so can anybody else – you knew you wouldn't stay with Cere afterwards anyways.

You wouldn't stand another night or day on the same ship with her without further going down an un-Jedi like path.

…were you even viable to become a Jedi anymore?

A Jedi isn't supposed to think about revenge and yet here you were…very clear about your thoughts targeted wholly towards her with your hatred filled scream, thinking about your acts if the Data Log existed.

Then, Cal unfroze, mouth hanging open at your outburst that came without visual notice or anything really. He could feel the energy going off around you and he had to realize that was something he had no longer felt a few minutes ago, supposedly very obvious after he felt it all the time before. Your perpetual strong aura was something he usually had used to take for notice if it was you or someone else behind him.

It gave him a sense of safety, despite him probably being supposed to be the one keeping you safe...he was the male mate in your species' "courting ritual". And all he did was run off without you...his mate for live. You just…if you'd just understand that he did this all with both of you in mind!

"I told you that I would find a place for us…" He whispers carefully, not sure if his words would hit all the wrong spots, seeing the entire opposite 'on edge' feeling you now had. Angrily on edge.

Your brutish tail slaps against the hard ground, some of it splintered, giving away almost too easily under the impact of the tip, flying off to all kinds of possible directions as you actually glared at him. A glare wasn't something you used in a while to show your distaste, you had gotten so used to just accepting your fate.

He thought joining the Inquisitors, The EMPIRE of all places, that they were your only escape, your best bet!?

…

And then you reality hits you. Like a crazed horde of Banthas.

If you didn't join the Rebellion, you're left to fend for yourself for the rest of your – then probably quite short – lives.

If you don't join the Empire, you're hunted and hiding for the rest of your – probably equally quite short – lives.

You're never winning if you don't choose one side, unless you have the needed resources to make a living for yourself. And you had none of that, you were both nothing but clueless 18 year olds that got traumas and burdens for multiple lives in the end, The Force alone wouldn't keep you both dry and warm at night or without hunger and thirst. You wouldn't make it for too long on your own…these four years had taken a strain on you badly enough. You didn't want to return to such a lifestyle again, you wanted a roof above your horns.

"Please...don't look at me like that, Kyra, you need to understand…i…I did this all in the Name of Love!"

In the Name of Love…so there are two reasons for him.

…he wanted you two to have a place to return to, no matter what it took. He didn't want you two to have to sleep in Caves and run from Planet to Planet either...

You're about to turn away – to return to the Mantis to investigate what she had told you – already in motion of doing so and your tail slowly dragging itself out from the small crater it created on accident as you smashed it down in your anger for Cal's recklessness. But he managed to stop you instantly with his next words…

"I did this for US, Kyra, because I love you!"

He shouts, voice steadfast... utterly determined...as he tightly caught your wrist in his hand. The glove felt odd, but not bad, against your hot and scaly skin. You would've thought they are more stiff with the way they groan against his moving hands underneath.

His renewed confession reminded you of the last message he left on BD. The one you played and played, just to still be able to hear his voice while yours shriveled away. Though the sadness and sniffling mixed into his words always worsened your pain in the end. All you had ever wanted was him back with you when you saw him tearing himself emotionally apart in that cursed Hologram.

'And whatever you're hearing in a moment, know that I will never stop loving you.'

And you wouldn't either…

You remember telling yourself that you would go anywhere as long as he was at your side…but are you ready to even switch sides for him?

The hand on your wrist caused you to turn back around, looking directly into these unfamiliar and yet...so familiar eyes…

Cal…

BD climbed back onto your shoulder a few moments ago as you lost yourself to the sheer endless pool of emotions in his now even more vibrant eyes…when you suddenly felt a tingling sensation scratching against your thoughts, a sad smile etching itself onto his face…

Is that really…?

oh- oh Cal…it really is…

"I love you too, Cal..."

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