Im really pregnant. Like REALLY REALLY pregnant. It’s been 11 weeks for me to accept and be excited and I’ve been struggling. I wouldn’t call this depression- I consider it more like WOW THIS IS NOT AS EASY AS I REMEMBER IT.

So I started Insulin last week- has not been fun. Let me start by saying I AM NOT A FAN OF NEEDLES OF ANY KIND! I dont care how tiny they are! I’ll be honest, its more anxiety then pain. But the combination of injecting myself 4 times a day, plus sticking my finger another 5 times a day! Plus the lingering headache that just won’t go away! FK!

That’s the smaller part of my real problem right now. The reality of caring for a baby hit me yesterday evening. I came up my stairs to get my shoes because I had a plan to go for a walk to my mail boxes. As I made my way down the stairs I felt fluid dripping from my cooch! I was confused because WTF? NOW IM PEEING MYSELF??? So I went to the nearest bathroom, peeked into my pants and found blood on my inner thighs. I tried to stay as calm as possible (not not scare my kids), I sat on the toilet and as soon as I did a clot plopped out. Mind you, I felt NO PAIN and NO DISCOMFORT at all! (IM GONNA GO OUT ON A LIMB AND POST THE PICTURE- Sorry guys, but my desperation for some hope is REAL right now) Oh course after looking at it for a long period of time I was wondering if it was just a clot or if I am looking at my baby? I called my dr’s office and waited for a call back (meanwhile I was trying to plan my emergency trip to the ER in the case that I’m told to go).

After, what felt like an eternity, my dr’s office called back. I explained what happened and the dr tried to calm me down and said to stay home. To stay off of my feet until Im seen (tomorrow!) Now I sit here confused and conflicted. Am I pregnant? Am i not? The anxiety is killing me. Has anyone gone through this? Please share, give me some peace of mind.