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#blmatsu fuck off and dni
oh-gh0st · 1 year
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lazy pinterest photo redraws with my 6 favorite NEETs
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lordofthesillystraws · 2 months
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hiiiii and welcome to my intro post that i forgot to do (lol)
so, as it says in my bio, my names Kanin!! and this is myyyyy everything blog ig.
so, a few things you might wanna know:
1. minors are allowed to follow, im not gonna be posting anything NSFW or unsuitable for minors, just please keep in mind that i am an adult (legally)
2. i am definitely neurodivergent so please be patient with me i am very silly sometimes (and anxious)
3. right now the main things im gonna post about will be Osomatsu-san and Rain World (this will probably change but not for a while)
4. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE respect my neopronouns, i prefer them over others so if youre against neopronouns unkindly fuck off (same goes for people who are anti-xenogender). if you have any questions on how to use them tho please feel free to ask!!! id be happy to help :3
5. this is not a BLmatsu blog and if youre into that please leave me alone (general DNI for proshippers too, go away pls)
6. this is gonna be mostly an art blog as thats what i do most of the time :3
7. (this list is getting long) i am a bunny. no i will not be elaborating or listening to anyone who says im not.
8. i am OBSESSED with AtsuTodo so expect a lot of that lol
aaaaanyway, thats about all, thanks for reading this long-ass post!!
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tottymatsuno · 3 years
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Pure Snow; Muddied Tracks
Author: Roro (tottytown)
Fandom: Osomatsu-san
Pairing: Todomatsu x Reader
Category: Romance, slight drama, character exploration, comedy
Rating: N-17 (minors dni)
Summary: 'Todomatsu's fingers were ice box cold, but you were not so naive to lie to yourself that was why your entire body shivered when they touched your skin.'
Word Count: 3397/30k+ -unfinished and currently being edited.
Warnings: Toxic Totty, pls pls don't read if you have relationship trauma!
Commentary: This was inspired because I wanted to see how exactly would Todomatsu's frankly manipulative and self centered ways would affect a romantic partner and how his dysfunctional and fucked up family life would play a role in that. It's a fic about change! This unfortunately is all I have edited atm.
BLMATSU DNI!!!
Chapter 1: First kiss, first love.
You felt a crushing level of anxiety; you can’t fuck this up again. The introductions were pleasant but also just a nice formality – you know this probably won’t work and that knowledge is enough to make your collar sweat.
This particular mixer isn't your last shot to make a real connection to people yet it felt like it was the end of the line if you failed. As if this were the last bus of the night, and if you didn’t catch it you’d be stuck in place for eternity. Your self imposed feelings of finality were suffocating.
Girl boy girl boy was the seating arrangement and you were already squarely out of your comfort zone. It wasn't a huge mixer, in fact the intimacy made you inwardly cringe more.
Four girls, four boys.
All of them seemed much more confident and trendier than yourself, even in your cutest outfit and hair styled especially for this occasion in intricate braids and beads. You debated in advance for a while when choosing your braids if going for color would be best and settled upon the pinks and purples ombre tips that complimented your features best.
Drinks and food were ordered, and like always you felt the odd man out as the only foreigner. The only Black gaijin at that. There were a few questions thrown your way, ‘oh that style is so unique, where did you get it done?’ to which you answered ‘oh, I got it done in America’ – your sore fingers reminded you that was a lie but at the end of the day your answers weren't attention grabby enough for the guys who assumed differently based off of your racial background.
Once the mixer began in earnest and your soft responses to conversations were overshadowed by louder and more confident friends of friends. These girls knew who they were going after from the moment introductions began and it's fair to say the guys knew as well. The sentences tossed your way were for pleasantries sake, not out of genuine curiosity at this point which soon lessened even more so. After a while it was just dead silence in your little section of the table.
It was also too intimidating to try to jump into these budding flirtatious conversations and you definitely didn't want to step on the landmines of unknowingly interrupting another couple's potential chemistry.
It took a while for you to lift your gaze from your silent phone. No texts from your other friends, nobody you knew in the west was online at the time either, even your own mama wasn’t responding...
You wished your cat could text you so badly in this moment. She would probably yell at you through Line that she was hungry and to bring home some catnip.
When you finally had the confidence to look around the uncomfortable setting, your met eyes with the guy across the table as you.
He looked like the mirror image of devastated but not at all surprised; a muted disappointment scab of a smile that marked your own expression. Phone in hand as well but no one to text.
You searched your file cabinet of a brain for the guys name. It was something weird, right?
"Todo... Maru?" That didn't sound right but you already in too deep.
Your hesitancy made him smile a little awkwardly. "Call me Totty." He offered no hint if you got his name correctly or not.
"Ehh, Todomatsuu? You're still trying to get cute girls to call you Totty? It's not going to work with a face like yours!" The man who sat next to you slurs inebriated and whatever he said must've been funny to the others at the mixer because they began to laugh at this statement.
It was a bit hard for you to understand, even after spending so much time in Japan.
A face like his? He wasn’t ugly, or at least you didn’t think so.
Todomatsu ducked his head back down and laughed insincerely as if the insults weren't painfully at his expense. The conversation quickly diverted back to more conventionally interesting topics for people rapidly becoming intoxicated.
"I'm sorry, Totty. I seem to have caused you some trouble." You didn't try to speak over the others, instead you hoped Todomatsu could hear your voice carried in the undercurrent of noise.
Raise your head, king. You thought about the pitiful man who's state involuntarily reminded you of the meme. His fedora really was falling though. It was quite tragic.
You silently pleaded for him to make eye contact again, but that time doesn't come. If you hadn’t paid such
close attention to him while switching back between your phone and stealing a glance or two in his direction then you would’ve never notice Todomatsu’s inconspicuous escape.
"I'm going to get a drink from the vending machine." Todomatsu was also a master at speaking under the waves of attention you noted. It didn't escape your perception he's grabbed his belongings and left his share of money under his barely touched plate.
Todomatsu – your kindred spirit, the only one who understood your plight, your platonic soulmate, your lifeline in this sea of unpleasantness... Your star of hope was slipping out of the sliding door as you dramatically hemmed and hawed.
Without really thinking much further you too pulled out the ole excuse book, quoted your tried and true excuse #3 - "I think my cat needs her insulin." With the money left on the table and coat being hastily shoved back on, with shoes barely on to trip over you followed Todomatsu out.
There was a little bit of heat under your step to catch up with Todomatsu but unfortunately you seem to have just missed him. You won't lie, you must have looked mighty desperate with a crick in your neck thrashing around for someone who said less than five words to you.
That little nervous grin and the sweet sound of his voice repeated in your head like a new favorite song.
You were just about to give up until you heard a sniffling sound nearby. You used your hypersensitive hearing to dial in. There were a few muffled sounds of grumbling that accompanied the tearful gasps. You felt your ears fine tune the frequency to locate Todomatsu.
That's gotta be him, your heart swelled at the idea of comforting your new bosom buddy. You peaked around the corner of the restaurant and saw Todomatsu there illuminated by his cell phone light.
You realized all at once he was not properly dressed for the amount of snow on the ground. Not that it snowed a lot in this location of the world, but one can die of hypothermia anywhere cold enough. No coat, silly hat, has on 3/4ths of a pair of thin and woefully unfashionable pants, and didn't even have the good sense to at least wear snow boots.
Maybe those sounds were actually shivers.
"Totty?" You gently asked with a cringe as your steps crunched the frost louder than you expected.
Todomatsu's confused vulnerable face shifted into a more flustered aggression. "Wa-wait a minute! Don't look at me right now!"
Todomatsu covered his face, rubbing the prickles of adorable tears out of his eyes. He even dabbed some powder on his cheeks to right the wrongs of crying. Where’d he even get that from?
“You keep foundation in your pocket?” You asked rhetorically while Todomatsu shoved it back into the depths of his capri pants. Or were they rolled up high waters in order to disguise their improper length?
You're smittened. Your face was a mix of pity and affection so it all too quickly settled onto a heart eyed grimace. Like when you see a cute animal try to solve a problem too complex for their small baby brains. It was a clearly condescending expression.
"What's with that face? Cut it out. It's not cute." Todomatsu pouted in a vain attempt to deflect his own embarrassment. Your face blossomed into a genuine syrupy smile.
"Is this the real you? I wouldn't expect this from the guy who wouldn't correct being called the wrong name." You teased; your footfalls even louder muddying up the fresh snow as the distance gradually closed. There was a dusting while the mixer was going on, probably the most snow of the year at that point.
"Wouldn't you like to know." There was a playful edge to his voice as well, though you could tell he was trying not to chatter his teeth.
"I think I would." The words came easy and it felt like the pressure was off. You silently pulled out of your pocket the only hand warmer packet you remembered to bring. It must’ve be painful, being so ill prepared for the actual weather. Someone needed to help him out.
Todomatsu watched you stuff the wrapper back into the abyss of your own pocket and flick the little package out to activate it. His almost abnormally big eyes were seasoned with jealousy.
Your own never left his face, you took in every micro expression. Transfixed and studying you cataloged composition of the picture being painted.
Todomatsu's flushed cheeks only haloed by the honeyed street lights, the ugly little hat whose brim darkened around his eyes... The juxtaposition of the cool colors of the night, and the warm shadows reflected on his cheeks. All of it looked like art.
In your peripheral your mind consumed the imagine of his guarded body language like a starving man gorging himself on his first meal. You’d like to think he was so cagey was from his lack of preparation for the cold and not because you weren't blinking.
When Todomatsu's eyes gazed up to meet yours again your breath hitched. The hand warmer was now hot enough to be a gift but not as hot as your raised body temperature. You don’t know how one would describe how you felt at this time, with the extended hand warmer out to Todomatsu.
It wasn’t poetic, or beautiful enough to say it was akin to an offering for the Gods, but it also wasn’t as lighthearted as giving it to a child. There was some symbolism here that you did not have the language to articulate. The expectancy of this gesture seemed to grip your heart.
You reached it over to him, knowing him to take it from your overheated but still chilled palms. Instead you were surprised when Todomatsu shifted closer.
Like a metaphorical staring contest you blinked first during the fluid motion of Todomatsu's body melding closer to yours and his hands slowly as if time had decided to let you savor this moment slid on top of your own.
Todomatsu's fingers were ice box cold, but you were not so naive to lie to yourself that was why your entire body shivered when they touched your skin.
You thought back, doing a mental recount of how many moments you've felt consumed to kiss somebody as badly as you did in that instance. None in this context, none so romantically intended. The expectancy of this impending kiss seemed to fill your bones hollow; like an adrenaline spike crashing in the same microsecond it began.
The warmth of his breath was then blanketing your cheeks in quick bursts. Almost like a quiet hyperventilation. It'd be so easy actually. Just to tilt your head, to wrap your fingers around his and pull him naturally to your lips. You maybe even needed to. You don't even care that you could smell the beer on his breath.
Todomatsu broke the silence first. You watched his face transition from a picturesque view of sensuality to an unsure gulp. He opened his mouth, shakily exhales half way but stopped himself from fully outing his nervousness.
"Thanks." It looked like he had a lot more to say. Nevertheless you cheesed at him, just happy to hold hands underneath the lights from the street and from the restaurant. Not even caring at how childishly blissful your expression was either as you began to reply.
"You're wel-" The words stolen right off your lips by something soft, shivering and unexpected. You thought for one moment, as these moments played in third person that maybe you should have made your own expression more mature and grown up to convey what you felt next.
As the surprise and lips breaks contact escapes a desire you tried to keep under lock and key. You wanted to lose your virginity. You actually medically need to at this point like you needed that kiss. The necessity of it made you itch with urgency.
A small kiss from a guy your age completely threw your inhibitions away.
That idea overwhelmed you so much, while a sorrowful Todomatsu pulled back to shyly explain away why he kissed you but all your now activated pwussy brain can comprehend is you can't not fuck him.
"Maybe I should have asked first." Todomatsu laughed nervously; the attempt to pull his hands back reminded you to occupy your own body again.
He only got a half tug in before you were all over him.
How the fuck do people kiss?! Your head swam laps with criticism and questions as Todomatsu tried to keep up with your sudden feverish kisses.
Seriously! With your hands deeply embedded in the thin stiff fabric of Todomatsu’s dress shirt all you could ask internally is: how do I get more and am I doing this right?
You've started to lose steam after nine liplocks, Todomatsu who matched your energy with his own enthusiasm but it soon became clear that closed mouth pecks weren't really feeding the hunger you felt. Especially not with Todomatsu's light smacking moans as a punctuation for each disconnect.
You were a good five to thirty-nine more kisses away from pulling back and having a frank discussion that you have no fucking clue what was supposed to happen next. Todomatsu seemed to have anticipated this thought when his mouth cracked open.
"Can I...?" God, that breathy voice is hotter than the hand warmer, you closed the gap again to shut him up.
Sounding like that is NOT allowed, Todomatsu! Not here! You kissed him again and again trying to evaluate your emotions.
Taking stock of yourself you find that you were okay with the idea of having a one night stand with someone you haven't even had a proper conversation with yet; but drew the line at giving into temptation and make a fool of yourself by bussing it open in an alley next to the restaurant friends of friends were flirting.
There were boundaries you needed to set within yourself after all! Twenty something years of repressed telling yourself you don’t want or need this sort of thing, and if you ever do it should be special...Well, it felt extremely special to share your first kiss under the street lamps on the side of a bar with him.
Todomatsu took this as his cue for consent as he did something you've only read about in trashy romance novels. His tongue did a quick yet incredibly clumsy swipe at your lower lip.
Much slower than usual on the uptake, you wished a half second later that you would have at least gasped to let Todomatsu know his invitation was accepted.
Instead Todomatsu hesitated and tried to break the kiss again; you quickly tried to reenact whatever it was Todomatsu done. When your tongue ran over his bottom lip, his hands clasped yours clenches hard.
You could actually felt him raise his leg which gave you mixed feelings, because on one hand you wanted to laugh, but on the other weirdly larger and stronger hand you thought it was cute and then a one pinky on the big hand you would not have guessed that about yourself.
You’re sloppy as hell, you thought. You've never kissed anyone, let alone with tongue. Todomatsu must’ve been embarrassed to be seen with you in that alley.
Todomatsu took a step and then another, but not in the direction you expected. He stepped toward, to press you against the brick foundation of the building. Now you finally exhaled, and his tongue shoved its' slimey way in.
It seemed neither of you knew where your heads should tilt, and that hand warmer was doing a great job melting the surrounding snow as it had been abandoned somewhere along the lines.
This new form of kiss was incredibly awkward on your end, Todomatsu must be much more experienced than you which was why you felt guilty for making it bad. However your own insecurities aside, was absolutely exhilarating.
And over all too soon. The first actual moan that came from your lips froze Todomatsu in his tracks. His body still pressed close, so close you felt the embodiment of his excitement from it.
"I... I didn't know." Todomatsu's breath was shaky as he tried to gulp in air and speak at once. "When to breathe." he admitted and panted into your neck.
Yeah.
You had to fuck him.
You ran the calculations in your mind with the assessment of an appraisal. Was it worth it to do something annoying for him? Your apartment was sorta far away, the commute home with him might’ve been inconvenient as well. You would not have minded going home with him, but this has to be taken care of sooner than later or you would combust.
"How do I ask this?" You mumbled to yourself.
"Ask what?" Todomatsu hummed against your now exposed neck. The thrill that radiated from that spot throughout your body nearly shut off your brain.
"Hotel?" You cringed at your own shrillness, the word coming out in English, like nails on chalk to your ears.
Todomatsu had kissed you a lot, but his hands took a while to leave yours. When he released your clutching hands from his shirt collar you found yourself a bit anxious. That moment your terrified brain turned off which was why those stupid appendages moved on their own.
With a flinched face, your arms encased around Todomatsu to make it impossible for him to escape from your personal space. He didn't seem to mind at all since his hands were firmly at your hips.
"Wh-" He began without the bravado initially "Which one?" Todomatsu buried his face in crook of your neck as he clearly was trying to pretend to be confident.
Your answer of "the nearest one" led you here. Todomatsu detached himself with a perfectly schooled face but despite the intense winters chill he began to sweat. A quick search on his phone and simple walking instructions while your clammy soft hands were intertwined is how you got there.
What you didn't really expect is how you'd have to order the room yourself. Todomatsu all but shut down, and if you asked for input from him a small bubble popping sound was only what could be heard.
After asking multiple times if he actually wanted to go through with this, only to get an enthusiastic nod and grunting sound you ended up picking a pink and lilac room, you had no idea how love hotels worked but for your time slot to rent the room Todomatsu finally answered but whispered it to the clerk.
Your mind went blank as you stared at Todomatsu's sort of imposing back. Things were getting strange.
There was a blur in between the mental snapshot of Todomatsu's body language in the elevator and when you entered the room. Once the door closed and made its lock click you were a little dumbfounded what was to come next.
"So... Um. Should we talk first?" You asked from the middle of the room, as Todomatsu stood near the door, with his eyes downcast. His fists shook and you might have thought him angry until he spoke.
"I'm nervous." The pure anxiety that perfumed his tone broke your heart. "I am too! This is my first time ever." Your words caused Todomatsu to peek at you through his bowl cut, a very cute look indeed.
"Is this okay with you? I'm a virgin too so I probably won't be good the first time." the confession was very much appreciated to be honest.
"It'll be like the kiss." He continued, "That's okay, I don't mind learning together if it's you." You answered honestly.
Todomatsu started to shuffle over to you as you sat on the edge of the bed. It croaked under your combined weight when Todomatsu finally joined you.
"Please take care of me." You said as you kissed his cheek.
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