#begone thoughts. i banish thee. weighted thoughts with bad intentions. my mind is filled with poison
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#concocting z0san fanfics in my head like its 2015#and i mean with intention and not in the way that i have basically every day for the past 11 years. god i have such a weird relationship#with them. but i think i have a good idea. itll just take forever. its sorta sad and fucked up but in a pretty way i think#and itll probably be the most for me and me specifically thing ive ever writen#lots of info not a single person is asking for except me. bc im gonna use it to force myself to do research#and fill the dark winter nights. the shortest day of the year here is 2hrs shorter than where i spent the last 4 years#fucked up. its even shorter than the shortest day in ohio. anyway im writing this so i actually force myself to do it#and not just let it go. i only got 5hrs of sleep so well see how clear my thinking turns out to b#dosage on my meds went up last night. which is good bc my mood has wobbled back down as i kinda figured it would#but its ok. i think that lil blip of clarity was really good for me in terms of being like: oh ok i get y ppl want to live#which is an insane thing to say but there u go. if only i could get back to that and get my brain to shut thr fuck up#begone thoughts. i banish thee. weighted thoughts with bad intentions. my mind is filled with poison#and i well ignore it and write my dumb little story... and also work on the bullshit i actually should b doing hah#unrelated
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