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hannahdestiiny-blog · 4 years

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Keep on Keepin’ On

Every now and then we have a week that we'd much rather not play out. Whether we wish we could skip over it completely, or just crawl in a ball until it's over, we just don't want to face it quite yet, or maybe ever.

November 2, 2018 I was taken to the E.R. because I was unable to eat, and struggling to swallow. I sat in the waiting room until I was taken back at 3 am (not the ideal time to be at Oroville Hospital) and shared a room with drug addicts off the street. I was terrified. I had blood drawn and was moved into a hospital bed where I'd stay for 3 days, NPO (no food or water by mouth), while they ran tests. I wheeled around my IV bag to get to the bathroom in the middle of the night, which also served as a walker as I was getting so weak. I lived in a backless gown for those three days, my blood sugar dropped to around 48 in the middle of the night which is dangerous and needed immediate treatment, and my mother had to help me in the shower because I didn't have the strength to wash myself -- all at the age of 19. On my last day I was released with no diagnosis and no answers. I was told they didn't know what was causing the spasms, I figured out a liquid diet for myself as I was still unable to eat solid food, and the next few days we called doctors and fought with our insurance to refer us to a specialist that would take me as soon as possible. On some occasions we'd rush to the E.R. when it got particularly hard to swallow again, and was turned away saying, "We can't help you because you are still able to breath."

Fast forward to being put under with cameras down my throat, many suspected diagnosies leading me to test out different treatments, accepting it was most likely an incurable autoimmune disease... all of it led to a dead end and that gastroenterology doctor told me he couldn't figure it out and couldn't help me anymore. I was sent to U.C. Davis for motility studies. This was the hardest procedure I had gone through. You snort numbing medication up the nostril of your choosing, stick a catheter up your nose, and have you swallow it down and sip saline solution to test the muscles in your throat. This was outpatient, so I wasn't seen again. Months go by, and at this point it has been over a year without a solid meal. I called my gastroenterologist doctor back and asked if he'd be able to stretch my throat in hopes of solving my problem, and he turned me away, and told me he'd only perform the same tests I'd already had done. I had really hit a dead end now.

I made an appointment on base with my primary care doctor and asked for a new referral. His referral went through, and it defaulted back to the same doctor that has now twice told me he couldn't help me anymore. Great. I had an appointment the last day of February, and I prayed and prayed that he would hear me out and offer me any form of help he could manage. I'm sitting in the room as he walks in, and he sits down to finally give me answers and options.

I was told that the motility study showed that I have a muscle in my esophagus that is extremely tight and is causing my difficulty swallowing. He gave me two options, both of which I'm going to take. #1: Getting a procedure done to dilate (or balloon) my throat, which may work and combat the spasms, or it may not. Either way it is only a temporary solution. #2: Being sent to Stanford University, four hours away, for neurogastroenterology and motility studies where experts can hopefully get to the root of the issue.

We were leaving the office and I began to cry as I realized THIS is the moment I've been waiting for, this is what I've been asking for, for the past 15 months. I began to cry harder because I was scared. As we looked through the windshield we saw a rainbow in the sky on a perfectly sunny day, and it was right above the road where we were headed, on the passenger side where I was seated. I saw this as a reminder of God's promise. The rainbow is His promise to never flood the earth again, and I knew that He also promises to not let my whole world be flooded again. I've come this far, and it can only move forward from here, I just have to keep going.

This is the week that I have been dreading. The one that it'd be much easier to do without. I was told I won't be given anesthesia, but rather be conscious and sedated during the procedure, which doesn't sound ideal considering there will be instruments being pushed down my throat... Needless to say I'm nervous. I'm nervous about whether it will even work, and if it does, how long it will last. I'm not prepared to re-live slowly losing my ability to swallow again. Between classes on Wednesday, I grab my bible and open it to a random page with the mindset that God will show me what I need to see in this moment, but honestly fully expecting to not see anything in particular. What my eyes saw left me sitting in shock and I think my jaw literally hit the floor. It was my own name staring back at me... talk about straight to the point! Then I saw what had been previously written next to it. Once again, God's promise that he will be faithful to me, I only need to have faith in Him.

Sometimes we have to wait. We have to be shaped, and built up, and molded into the person God needs us to be before we can receive what we've been praying for. I've learned so much in the past year about patience, true faith, and miracles. God WILL give us more than we can handle, but he will never give us more than we can handle with HIS strength. It is when we rely on our own strength that we fall short.

I may be terrified about remaining conscious during this procedure, about it working or not, about it working and then failing shortly after, about the tests I'll undergo at Stanford, about the future... But I have made it this far. This entire journey has been more than I could handle. Heck, I proved that you can survive without food! I would truly not be where I am today without God's strength. I was reminded of why I'm on this journey when my cousin sent me a picture of Colossians 1:11 "being strengthened with all power that you may have great endurance and patience."

So these things may look like obstacles to me, hurdles I can't get over. But that's when God comes in and breaks down every wall: He gets all the glory. Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, He's never failed and he definitely won't start now.

"The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still." Exodus 14:14

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thesecretowl · 7 years

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Hello Mid-May :: Free Printable :: 29 Things I've Learned

You don't need to subscribe in order to access this printable (just click the image above to get this month's free printable), but if you DO want to be notified whenever I release another one, CLICK HERE

2 big things happened this month. I turned 29 years old and I got engaged. :)

In this post I share 29 tidbits of advice and lessons learned:

Separate your business and personal finances.

If you have a business, immediately open a checking and savings account that are just for your business and separate your business finances from your personal finances. This makes accounting smarter and easier.

Pay yourself out of your business.

Don't see your businesses' money as your own. Pay yourself a "paycheck" from your business. One thing that this really helps with is the ability to create your personal budget with a "paycheck" that doesn't fluctuate.

Start working with a tax professional.

Don't listen to anyone who tells you that you can just do it by yourself and don't feel intimidated about working with a professional. Part of taking personal responsibility for an area of your life is by working with people are professionals in that area.

"You can help 1000 people, but you can't carry one on your back."

Regularly and consciously audit your relationships. Are you "carrying" people by helping them in a way that hurts your own progress? The best way to help others is always to help yourself. The best way to lead others is always to lead yourself. Let people choose to follow or fall behind. Les Brown says that when two people walk together, one person will ALWAYS speed up or slow down to match the speed of the other person. Have you "slowed down" for someone?

Overcome your patterns.

Overcome your patterns by becoming engaged in something that is going to specifically help you in that area. If you know that you're bad with money, enroll in a course on taking control of your finances and do the action steps it provides. If you know that you keep sabotaging your health, invest in working one on one with a professional who will coach you and hold you accountable. If you know you keep putting off your goal, tell your friend that you will pay them a $100 if you don't complete your goal by the end of the month. We carry around negative patterns for so long because we don't do something deliberately to break them. That changes...NOW.

There's ALWAYS a silver lining.

If something doesn't go the way you planned, ask yourself, "How can I make this work out in my favor?" See life as something that happens FOR you and not TO you and you will find that you are always one mindset shift away from the silver lining of any obstacle or setback.

(pic: An Airbnb I stayed at in France during a trip that I basically booked a YEAR in advance. I didn't know how it was all going to work out, but I made THE DECISION anyway.)

Make decisions immediately.

Let's say you want to take a trip to Spain in September, but there are so may variables and "what-if's" that you suspend your decision until you have it all more "figured out." Stop doing that to yourself and go ahead and make the decision that you are going to go to Spain in September. Why? Because your brain can't go to work for you until you make a decision. Solutions and opportunities will pass you by as long as you are in decision-free-la-la-land. My attitude is "I don't know exactly how it'll work out, but I am going." And if something DOES pop up later that keeps me from being able to leave or do exactly what I planned, then I switch gears and make a NEW decision. I go from decision to decision to decision. Not making a decision because you're waiting on clarity is its own kind of mental agony.

It takes 18 months.

My life is so much better than it used to be. Just a few years ago, I spent all day running around cleaning houses and babysitting so that I could pay bills and then would work all night till 1, 2, 3 am on my other businesses. This went on for 2 straight years. I had no life, no free time and no lifestyle. I bought my financial freedom with those 2 years of sacrifice. It takes at least 18 months to see the fruit of a decision that you consistently act upon. Don't throw the towel in early.

Know what season of life you are in.

We don't make perfect progress in every area of our life all the time. We have to tap in to the season that we are in at the moment. Right now, I am in a season of setting the foundation for growth in my personal life and in my business. I'm getting my finances in pristine order, setting up workflows and systems, mapping out the rest of the year in actionable detail, and paying for coaches to help me uplevel. A few months ago I was in a season of dramatically eradicating distractions from my life and making more money. One season, properly tended to, sets the foundation for the next. What season of life can you sense calling to you right now?

(my desk - I've even minimized down from having a desk at this point! Now I just work at a small table or on my laptop away from home.)

Batch your work.

Our brains are exhausted from flipping back and forth between a hundred unrelated things every day. I get so tired of it, and I know you do too! We need to take charge of our mental energy by creating boundaries around what we choose to focus on. For instance, I realized that a regularly recurring project that I would give myself a whole month to complete actually just takes me one day if I focus on it. Sure it can get a little tedious pushing through, but the peace of mind I feel throughout the rest of the MONTH because I no longer have to even think about that project is worth it. It creates a snowball effect because now I have even more time and energy to batch the next project.

Okay, the rest of these tips are going to be a lot shorter to read. :)

Dave Ramsey's EveryDollar app IS the best personal budgeting app out there.

We should look and wear our best all the time, even at home.

(a casual pic of my tiny apartment)

Minimalism to me means that everything that I own supports the person that I want to become - nothing detracts or distracts.

(This pic is outside my 5 star hotel balcony this past April when I and my small mastermind group booked a fancy stay-cation to reflect on our wins and set goals for the next quarter).

Do something every quarter of the year to reflect on the last 3 months and celebrate wins - even better if you do this with your mastermind group.

You always get what you focus on. Keep checking in with yourself to make sure that you're focused on the GOOD stuff and your amazing future.

(pic: I'm always dreaming of the home I want. I have a Pinterest board with hundreds of home style pins.)

Life gives you what you picture in your mind's eye. You are always either recreating your current reality or manifesting your vision.

Long to-do lists are a sign that you need to batch tasks, systemize, delegate, or eliminate.

Turn time driving or cleaning into time spent listening to personal development audio books or podcasts.

If you have a hard time minimizing or letting go, look at each belonging and ask yourself, "If I did not already own this, would I go out and buy it?"

Keep a running list of ideas for how you can get better at making money, saving money, and managing money.

Remember that simplicity happens on purpose. Complexity is easy. Simplicity is hard...but worth achieving in all areas of life.

Choose quality over quantity always and you will spend less money over the long haul.

Drink more water. You will feel better, look better, and think more clearly.

Do one really courageous thing every month. See tip number 25 for help.

Start a $100 Dollar Mastermind in which you and an accountability partner must complete your own specific, scary goal or end up forfeiting $100 to the other person. Get some skin in the game and watch your productivity spike!

Have one planner system. Don't spread your schedule across multiple tools. Whether it's paper or digital, just use one.

Keep a running list of purchases that you really want to make - a nice, new laptop bag, a pair of leather ballet flats - and hold out until you save up to buy exactly what you want instead of squandering your money settling for less. For months I wore out a canvas tote bag until I had the extra money to buy the really nice, quality laptop bag I've always wanted. I could have settled for a cheaper version "in the meantime," but by doing without, I was constantly reminded of what I REALLY wanted.

Don't be afraid to invest in yourself. Successful people invest in themselves.

Remember that taking the time to PLAN - plan your week, your life, your business, your leisure - SAVES you so much time that would have been squandered without a plan. Get in the habit of starting your week with a plan.

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