desperately trying to forget about the preview for next week's his man 2 eps and focus on the adorable junsungho date we finally got, but it's all my brain wants to dissect over and over. once again, seonwoo why? i absolutely don't understand what his goal in this show is or if he genuinely is even interested in anyone because i honestly don't feel an ounce of sincerity from that man. he went on a date with yoonghee out of politeness, and his main goal was to see if he could overcome their age gap right? yet, he's the one who kept bringing it up. it's also the way yoonghee kept asking him questions and giving him opportunities to give him some kind of clarity, but seonwoo just gave him roundabout answers in return. it annoys me that seonwoo keeps trying to string yoonghee along without cutting him off completely because he needs that attention and 'support' from him as he always says. on another note, he keeps saying sungho is "special" to him and okay maybe he is, but if so, why does it look more like he just wants to shake him up again when he noticed sungho's attention shift away from him a little? it just seems to me that not receiving a voice message from yoonghee and sungho must've hit seonwoo way too hard and he needs that validation back. sigh. i know we don't see everything that goes on in these hour long eps, but i feel like it's definitely enough for us to be able to get a grasp of their personality and character, and seonwoo is clearly playing with so many people's feelings. i just don't know what to expect anymore because seonwoo is going to continue playing these mind games with that big ego of his. god, i swear, the absolute mood swing i had from being excited and happy over sungho's voice message to my face literally falling as that preview played. this week of waiting is gonna be torture as always.

oh dear anon i am trying so hard not to think about the preview, or about seonwoo watching sungho and junsung cook and asking questions about their date and his reaction, or seonwoo calling sungho, bc sungho and junsung have such a good thing going on, and yet we and them can’t just be left with the memory of a nice date bc seonwoo has to ruin it by sticking his nose in again. im trying to be so reasonable when I watch it and not just shit on him for everything he does, bc maybe he does truly like sungho, I mean since their date he has called him consistently, but then you have people out here like hyungjin saying i shouldn’t have gone out on a date with anyone else so as not to give a wrong impression to them or the one person I like (even tho he left the message for seonwoo but that’s something else), and yet seonwoo goes out with yonghee for whatever reason, obligation, pity, curiosity, so he can’t be so committed to sungho as to shut down all other options yet, which at this point i feel like the people who are genuine are starting to be committed about who they like, but seonwoo just has to keep all these options open even when it appears he’s committing to sungho. and i don’t want to say that’s bad at the face of it, after all if sungho doesn’t go with seonwoo, it’s good to not have closed off every other option; i don’t like to subscribe to the belief that just bc you are devoted to going for one person, that your feelings are better or more worthy or anything, bc at the end of the day it’s sungho’s choice. what does annoy me is the lack of clarity with which seonwoo approaches every situation. I think the only time he’s only been kinda clear about anything was when he talked with junsung about exploring other options, but at least from what i recall, he’s never been clear to sungho and said I like you but I’m gonna keep talking to other people bc I don’t know how sungho then sees the situation, does he think seonwoo is committed to him or does he know about the other people he has ties to and would that change how he feels??

and I’m trying hard not to talk about him and yonghee’s again bc I’ve already ranted so much, but I will focus on that line he said at the end of their date, that he relies on yonghee bc his feelings never change. which is what he keeps on saying, that he gets support from yonghee and that he’s important. none of these are inherently romantic things and the thing is I think yonghee intents them to be romantic but seonwoo doesn’t see them that way, or more accurately he sees that intention but the way he is grateful for it isn’t romantic in return. and I can’t get over how fucked up it is to string someone along and use their affection as a comfort without giving that person any clarity in return. he’s literally using yonghee’s feelings to make himself feel better, feel reassured and comforted, and the reason why he won’t clarify his feelings and say there’s no romantic affection in return is bc he’s scared to lose yonghee’s affection bc it comforts him to much to know he’s so strongly and unwaveringly liked by this person. it’s literally what he wants the most, to be liked so much, and that’s why he can’t reject him even though there’s little to no way I think seonwoo feels anything romantic for him. like is that not fucked up?? to use someone like that??? to not give them that cutoff so they can move on to someone else just bc you want to feel good about yourself??? it’s the way yonghee is so sincere and genuine with his feelings and seonwoo is so plainly disingenuous in return. it’s the way he asks yonghee nothing about himself outside of his feelings for him, let’s yonghee spill his heart and says nothing in return, how he asks yonghee to ask him questions but gives him half baked answers that don’t give him enough to give him any insight on how he feels, but enough to keep him wondering. like it feels cruel, it feels like someone older making light of a young persons feelings as nothing but childish affection, and I don’t want to see yonghee being looked down at like that. I said before how seonwoo feels complicated looking at yonghee bc he has this confidence that comes from youth and less experience and fear and wishes he could’ve had that youth, but it’s bc I think he views it like that that he sees his feelings as childish, bc he is wistful for a time where he could’ve had this childish crush and felt like they were the most special thing in the world and been so bold and forward about it. and bc he doesn’t take those feelings seriously is another reason why he doesn’t reject him outright, bc he doesn’t think it warrants it even tho yonghee is putting his all into this. I don’t usually like to shit on age gaps bc age isn’t just a number but it’s also not a be all and end all, but it’s situations like this where they bother me, bc you can feel the imbalance, you can feel that the issue linger in the air where it doesn’t in other parings where a gap still exists. and i think yonghee’s youthful sincerity doesn’t match with the life experiences seonwoo has had, but also doesn’t match with the lack of emotional maturity he seems to have despite his age, and altogether it’s just so messy and not right and I can’t even say it’s good tv anymore bc I’d much rather see yonghee move onto other people than be stuck here. like sure seonwoo, make mess, it’s fun, but when it stops being fun and starts actually messing with people, that’s when I’m gonna start getting mad.