#bc honestly we had Great Sex and it wouldve been a very easy option | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cascadianights · 5 months

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I turned down two separate 3am calls, kept my distance for two months, let my guard down for One Night and stay up all night laughing and drinking and falling asleep on the couch together & waking him up to go to bed while he just stayed put with me till almost 5am and it kills me it kills me it kills! Me!

#its worse than if we'd just had sex #bc honestly we had Great Sex and it wouldve been a very easy option #but we both care too much to do something so sloppy #i was like i dont have a lot of emotions anymore this will be fine #then I turned and looked at him smiling at me so warm and soft and my whole face lit up and #we havent even like touched!!!!!!!!!!!!! its not like we're leaning in on each other or feeding into it #its just... the staying up all night & the soft long smiles & the calls i turn down wanting nothing more than to answer #i know things are better this way #i wish he'd turned me down by saying no im not into you instead of the i cant do relationships rn thing like #if u told me u werent into me anymore id believe this was all platonic im very gullible and believe everything people tell me #but #the worst thing is even if he did kiss me even if he did tell me he still has feelings for me even if he wanted something more #itd be a BAD IDEA!!!!! and id have to say no my friend bc id like to still have you in my life in 6 monyhs #and he knows that #and he basically said that!!!!!!! lmfao #but so like how do you keep someone you loved in your life and not have a wall of complicated feelings

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