Noone my pretty. I gift you her presence (+ doodles)

i’m feeling really guilty about this but i am really annoyed with a coworker, who is undergoing cancer treatment. she’s my friend and i like her but she is driving me nuts lately. 

before she had been diagnosed, she always had like weird quirks and strange perspectives on things and overreacts severely about something small or completely normal and will go into a rage about how stupid it is and i would be like what??? i don’t understand how you’re like 45 and didn’t understand these like “normal” life things. as an example, she was saying one time that she got rice crispy treats from the bake sale because they were healthier and had less fat than like a cookie or cupcake. and i said “yeah, but they still have a lot of sugar” and she’s like “what? no they don’t, it just rice crispies and marshmallows” and i say “well yeah marshmallows are all sugar and gelatin” and she’s looks at me v confused, looks it up online and goes “... i guess you’re right. i guess i don’t know what i thought they were” and i was just baffled. i wasn’t trying to give her shit about it or prove her wrong about healthiness or saying she shouldn’t eat sugar; i just said it without really thinking about it. 

SO. under normal circumstances, she has strange quirks and weird opinions that i just kind of go “...okay then!” not anything horrible or harmful, she’s just kinda weird.

i guess i shouldn’t be surprised but this has seemingly bled over in to her perspectives on her treatment. and i feel terrible for being annoyed about this bc i have no idea how i would handle cancer and treatment so i feel bad but i’m constantly like WTFing about things she says

1) she was (rightly) upset that she can’t use her health FSA money to pay for reconstructive surgery bc it’s considered cosmetic. (i would be too; this is not the weird part). BUT her comparison was the following: “but you can use it for diapers!?! that’s stupid!!! people could just not have kids!!!” and i have no idea what my face looked like but it had to have been the physical manifestation of ???????????? i would be angry about it not being covered too... but those two situations are not.at.all. similar.

2) she was really upset that it will take longer than she thought for her hair to start growing back (again, i feel for her and would absolutely be upset too) and said “what am i going to do when i go to [vacation] in June??? how am i supposed to go to the bar???” and again i was like ...wat. a) so far nothing has prevented her from having drinks during treatment (we went out to happy hour a few weeks ago, no prob) b) all her friends know she has cancer and has seen her without hair and love her and will not care at all if she’s at a bar with a hat in June c) even if her hair was growing back NOW, it would still be only like an inch or two long by June. i understand that’s more than no hair (and it is growing now, she showed me; she’s got peach fuzz) but it’s still would not a lot and i would bet money she would not be comfortable not wearing a hat or scarf still with basically a buzz cut - her hair was mid-back length before and she absolutely HATED having it cut short right before it fell out. so. i just really don’t understand the thought process there. does she think it will be all grown back in a few months? she can’t possibly think that, right?

3) she is constantly talking about dieting and how fat she is (she did this before cancer and surgery and treatment too, so not really new) and how she hates the steroids they give her as part of the treatment bc they make her puffy. but she is objectively not fat at all; she’s a size 4 and very petite and has just a small belly roll when she sits down (like you know, a normal human being). i just... again, i don’t know how i would react if i was in the same situation, but she has done a bunch of “diets” and “cleanses” DURING her treatment (like the kind where you only eat cabbage one day and like only bananas another, the ridiculous shit) and i am just like how the fuck is this healthy during chemo? it’s not healthy when you’re NOT having treatment. i wouldn’t be shocked if her doctors told her to chill on the dieting stuff but she just ignored them. and tbh i am tired of listening to her bitch about how fat she is and now she’s on WW so she’s obsessing about points and is somehow shocked that beer has a lot of points. again with the weird quirks.

i feel awful for being so annoyed. and i am not saying anything negative to her about it; i’m giving her hugs and listening and telling her i’m sorry and i am 100% sure i would feel shitty about treatment too. i just do not understand.