I’m going to be 30 in a few days! I have a post drafted up for the tweetrs, because IDK, I’ve always written either a letter to myself, to be received on the  next birthday, or a “here’s the past few years or year in reflection! :)” list to mark these occasions. But it’s so strange to think about being thirty, this big ass number that’s always felt terribly abstract to me!

Dyslexia means that numbers are mystifying as a concept even at the best of times! My idea of my late 20′s has always largely been defined by $$$, and when I haven’t kept it entirely fiscally focused, it’s been to fret over the looming concern that I’ll have an aneurysm like my mother at that age, or a heart attack, or stroke - because her family is very, very healthy, obviously. Other than that.. it’s not quite a concept I’ve ever managed to give a shit about?

A realisation brought to the forefront by the fact I’ve had several people try to commiserate with me over the fact they’re hitting their 30′s, or they’re hitting their mid-thirties, and they still don’t “feel” like an adult. Emphasis on try to commiserate, because.. can’t relate, lol, I’ve felt like I’ve been an adult since I turned twelve. Never really sure if it’s a class difference, a race one, or just very different upbringings, but turning 18 didn’t particularly change much in my life, except amp up my health problems and force me to finally learn what the fuck a credit card is. Turning 25 didn’t change anything, except start to finally settle down a lot of emotional volatility. And 30 is just.. shrug emoji.

It just seems like it should be such a big deal! People are like “oh, what’re you doing for your thirtieth?”, and it’s like.. well, same thing I do every birthday, I suppose? Talk to people, work on something I enjoy, and try to sleep in? I’m not even clear on how I would make this into some Big Deal Brouhaha emotionally, and I absolutely detest Big Deal Brouhahas at the best of times, so I’m not particularly tempted.

Just my usual “hmm, am I properly conforming? why am I not conforming, and is there an issue here that I should course-correct?” head-tilt, haha.