brain worms told me to try modern au with them and here i am.. trying something

wonder what happened there......

You Are Real

urgh ik i have a writing blog i can post my stupid oneshots in but maybe i'll make an exception for oc oneshots from now on

———

"There might be one thing you'd forget at times; your name. Though in truth, you may have never 'been' anyone at all..."

"But you; you are real. And you are, perhaps, the most wonderful thing in a world of endless wonder."

Those words from Ars were stuck in Lucas' head throughout the entire night, preventing him from sleeping. He thought back at it the morning after the restless night. How odd. Ars thinks that he is the most wonderful thing in this world? How preposterous!

"Why would he say such things to me? With such fancy words too...." The traveler muttered to himself as he sat on his bed. It was just last night too. They were having a heart-to-heart talk. Something about what happens after they defeat the God of Destruction.

Lucas knows he isn't leaving the Cantate Kingdom anytime soon. It's obvious at this rate. He's grown attached to Ars, and that wasn't apart of his plan.

And the words that spilled out of Ars' mouth made him grow even more attached to him.

It's strange. Lucas isn't usually the type to get attached to others. It was always the other way around. It always has been like that. So this happening to him instead is...strange.

He could feel his face heating up. Did Ars' words affect him that much? "Goddamnit. I shouldn't think about this. It's not like he actually cares, right?" Lucas knew that what he just said was clearly a lie.

Ars is one to care deeply for the people around him. He is no man with no empathy, after all. It would be out of character for him to not care. Lucas groaned as the words repeat in his head over and over again.

"Shut the fuck up...!" He muttered to himself, his head in his hands as his eyes squeezed shut. He couldn't believe this. He couldn't believe what he is realizing right now.

He actually cared about someone after so long.

That's no good.

"Lucas.....Lucas, Lucas, Lucas. This is not like you. Stop this bullshit. You don't CARE about that stupid posh prince and he doesn't care about you. Stop thinking shit like this...!" Lucas tells himself, but it's no use. Being in denial is stupid, after all. He can't deny or escape the truth anymore.

He cares about Ars Cantate.

And, maybe, perhaps, he is in love too.

finished rereading the raven cycle and you know how last year i said i could be pickier about the raven king but didn’t want to? this year i did want to! 

-i mean, i love the raven cycle. interesting magic, very comfy, would sell my soul for the gangsey.  -but most of this post is gonna be me complaining about the raven king  -the tl;dr of it all is ‘the pacing of the raven king is too fast and too slow at the same time. it’s not that i think it was terrible, but i don’t think it was written as successfully as the previous books. i think, because the pacing of the book is so uneven, that the balance between events, and perhaps the balance between the magic and the characters own inherent internal coming of age power, is off. oh btw i am considering reading call down the hawk but Have Concerns’ 

-noticed the ‘blue is calling gansey from the phone/sewing/cat room and gansey is calling blue from the bathroom-kitchen-laundry’ parallel which i thought was very, very cute. that has my whole heart  -also noticed a lot more of gansey’s whole person just constantly thinking about (or not-thinking about) his death  -BUT THEN THE PROLOGUE TO THE RAVEN KING SMACKED ME IN THE FACE AGAIN HOW COULD I FORGET THAT GANSEY LIKE. LITERALLY KNOWS HE’S GONNA DIE AND THE RAVEN KING IS HIM TRYING MAKE SURE EVERYONE WILL BE OKAY AFTER HE’S DEAD -I CANNOT HANDLE RICHARD CAMPBELL GANSEY THE THIRD MY GOD THIS BOY 

-canNOT overstate how much i really do love gwenllian.  -i love her so much. i love her so much  -same with malory. still love him. 

-okay i guess i appreciated artemus a little more -i think my thing is like. do i have a problem with blue being part tree? no not necessarily. but the pacing in the raven king is so uneven that i think what i dislike is how the reveal happened  -no i don’t know what i’d do differently!!  -every time i disagree with a writing choice in a book i try and think ‘now lulu, as someone with a Literal Degree In Putting Words Together, what would you do differently?’ which is a REALLY good writing exercise but mostly just ends up with me going ‘uhhhh. idk. probably have to backtrack a couple plot points and restart from there. no i will not elaborate.’

-last time i thought the raven king moved too fast and this time i agree but also thought it moved too slow?? -i devoured the first three books every time and then both times i read the raven king i kept putting it down because i thought the pacing was so off, so i was simultaneously interested and not interested in what was going on -too fast re: there were A LOT of characters going on, laumonier and piper and henry and neeve and plot points were just piling up and more like slamming together than converging (piper being laumonier’s daughter and henry’s mother being seondeok especially feel less like pieces falling into place than, oh look! ~a thing!!~), ALSO GOD NOAH NEEDED TO SHOW UP MORE (just like. a smidge more noah. would’ve put a lot together), and the speed of finding glendower/driving back/gansey dying/the epilogue -too slow re: somehow so many things are happening but nothing is happening in some parts, some parts dragged, people are just moving around with no real direct sense of working towards the end, blue and gansey were at lunch while adam and ronan were in cabeswater that one time?????????????  (-not that they can’t get lunch. but they had time to get lunch???????)  -oh i think the four of them maybe felt the most disjointed as a group in this book, which is again not necessarily terrible, but a thing  -and these things are just so disappointing because i thought the pacing of the first three books was so GOOD!! things take their time to happen but HAPPEN and i love that so much!!!!  -i do feel bad criticizing the raven king bc i know maggiestief was going through health problems at the time and it took longer than she wanted to finish. but i am still criticizing it because it’s still a very unsatisfying ending 

-reading this time i felt EVEN MORE FIRMLY that gansey should’ve been glendower, and even went so far as to consider, is the text saying he’s glendower, it’s just not explicitly stated?? because of all the parallels??? of gansey being old and young at the same time, gansey + his own magicians, the parallel between glendower shoving that guy in a tree and gansey wanting to do the same to ronan over the pig, the timelessness of the things gansey loves, the Power of command in his voice, a resurrection in the first place  -and i was going to just say, yeah, it’s there, until i got to noah’s chapter again. -i think noah deserved at least one chapter per book (and maybe more during the raven king) and that would’ve made an already tight plot even tighter, especially in the raven king.  (-i was also thinking that if gansey was glendower then something else would’ve happened when they found him, no i still do not know what) 

-big respect though to maggiestief saying glendower had to either be dead or evil and by that page number there wasn’t enough room for him to be evil -and big respect to the fact that, of course it’s not about teens finding a hero, it’s about teens becoming heroes (these thoughts also pulled from her twitter reread), finding glendower (alive) would never have been narratively good or satisfying  (-especially because it makes sense that glendower was dead all along -- if gwenllian was put to sleep wrong, who’s to say that glendower wasn’t, too?) -BUT, IT ALSO MAKES SENSE IF IT’S GANSEY  -but then you have like. the whole time it wasn’t even glendower. it was noah  -which is why i wanted more noah!!! to better lead to that!!!!!!! cause i feel like that kinda comes out of nowhere!!!!!  -the balance of the magical and the real is just off in the reveal i think  -man i don’t know. this is a lot of words. 

-i also appreciated adam’s character arc better this time, which was really nice. -but i still feel no great attachment to ronan and adam’s relationship  

-you know what. i want more mr. gray and maura -idk if i agree with him leaving henrietta. much like the previous paragraphs and my whole gripe with the raven king, it’s not terrible but i don’t think it’s done well, as well as it could’ve been, as well as the previous books  -also! more adam and persephone would’ve been good 

-i was rereading maggiestief’s tweets where she reread the books and i forget which thread this was in but she picked out one of the ‘character x says something that makes character y reevaluate every single interaction previously’ lines and she was like ‘that’s all these books are’ and i was like ‘YEAH MAGGIE. I FEEL LIKE I SEE THIS LINE EVERY SINGLE SECOND.’ and not necessarily in a good way  -sometimes you can reuse a line and it is a parallel or a connection. sometimes you are just reusing a line over and over. 

-she also mentions writing arguments from a point of, both characters are right, or think they’re right, or as right as they can be or something to that effect  -which i really like, and i absolutely 100% see in her writing  -and so i don’t know if this is just a me thing, because i have this obsessive need to backtrack through even the tiniest disagreements after the fact to calmly figure out where i’m coming from and acknowledge where the other person’s coming from, so while i like that every character comes from a place of ‘i’m right’ i feel like it leads to a lot of arguments left unresolved  -but i think that’s just me feeling like everybody should always talk everything out as much as possible so  -and like resolution doesn’t have to be a big dialogue acknowledgement  -but i still didn’t feel like it left a lot of room for these characters to really work towards change -they do change! but i wanted to see it more 

-oh hey so. did gansey successfully sell of monmouth? did ronan get a diploma anyway? 

-me: ‘thing’ is ultimately a vague, unspecific word and should be used sparingly in a narration, much like ‘interesting’  maggiestief: /flinging out ‘thing’ all the time me: you know what, though???? sure, good for her 

-i like henry. but he’s written terribly, the poor guy comes OUT OF NOWHERE too and should’ve shown up earlier more than his two times in blue lily lily blue, and adam and ronan’s super casual racism towards him is like..................................................................mostly unchallenged and really unnecessary  -if a racist comment is going to remain unchecked and unchallenged by the narrative and the characters, what does it accomplish? -especially because it never ever shows up again or showed up before -and gansey just kind of scoffs it aside and blue doesn’t even really truly call it out which is like, the amount of other things gansey will call out???? the amount of stuff blue will call out??????? AND THEY JUST LET THAT GO?????? -so, again! it’s not necessary!! it does nothing!!! it just adds unchallenged racism that has no place!!!!!!!!!!!!

-also reading this time i felt like maggiestief went out of her way to just not say what race blue was  -that shouldn’t be a thing you just repeatedly dance around and never confirm for your main character 

-so my library still does not have the ebook for call down the hawk but i am vaguely considering buying it to read it but also....................i don’t know -i did read the first eight chapters because they were online and i’m like. Intrigued but also?????? Concerned. idk. idk

-looking at it from a distance i have the same concern with it that i do with king of scars.  -do i think dreamer trilogy is necessary in the way that it explores things that are set up in the raven cycle and have big potential consequences? yes. the hunt for the ‘greywaren’, kavinsky proving that there are other dreamers, trying to make sure a dreamed thing can still exist if something happens to the dreamer, the possibilities and limits of dreamers, ronan trying to dream another cabeswater, ronan’s fear about what’s real and what isn’t/what he dreamed and what he didn’t dream, and maggiestief clearly loving writing ronan and wanting to write more of him -do i think those things are executed well in the dreamer trilogy? from what i’ve read about it, maybe not????  -especially re: ronan and adam’s character arcs????? -which i feel like, stupid and bitchy being picky about. -change and recovery do not happen in straight lines. but i think this kind of cycles back to the way she writes arguments with like, is it too unresolved to the point that no change, either positive or negative, is happening?  -ugggg also makes me worry that i just wasn’t Reading it enough or thinking about it enough  -my additional concern is that maggiestief should’ve maybe had firmer rules for what can and can’t be taken out of a dream  (-yes i suppose that limiting the very nature of a dream goes against the power of ‘the dream’ so it makes sense for it to be limitless BUT i feel like especially the dreaming of people is gonna paint you into a corner if you’re not careful)  -but i am also BIG worried re: the character arcs.  -also where ronan’s character arc is after the raven king, do i think he would do the reveal in mr. impossible?? i...........do not know  -well i didn’t think so AND THEN I READ OPAL which i kind of enjoyed, with reservations, which is mostly back to ‘is no change happening’  (-i love that opal is like, ‘ronan’s inner child’ or whatever it was and i liked her more this time around but last year when i read the raven cycle i was like ‘but what’s the point of taking opal out cause they just kind of shuffle her around?’ now, what was the point of taking opal out if they’re gonna put her back??? and actually almost COMPLETELY IGNORE HER in the short story????? there was so much potential there for her and ronan and it didn’t happen...........) -nightwash kinda just happened too, huh.  (-in general ronan bringing his nightmares back with him is like. God Perfect) -but this all really takes me back to maybe there should’ve been limits on dreaming -also after reading the first eight chapters, i’m like -i 100% respect maggiestief for not wanting to rewrite the raven cycle and not wanting to just write about henrietta, i absolutely do -but it feels so strange to read about ronan and adam and not read about gansey and blue as well?  -which isn’t TERRIBLE, but.  -but when i see like, single lines from or little sections i’m like ‘oh that looks like a good time’ because i do like the way maggiestief writes because a great deal of it is so rhythmically poetic and beautiful, but so is a great deal of the raven king while still being disappointing.  -i feel like i’m just gonna feel about it like how i feel about the raven king honestly -and well king of scars.......

-ANYWAY -might read it. might not. still going back and forth on this a lot. i was leaning towards, i’m gonna do it, but now i’m leaning more towards, i don’t want to, i want to keep the image of these characters where i like them, and right now i am aggressively combing through fanfic because i care a great deal about post-raven king trauma discussion and that’s mostly what i want at the current time

repost don’t reblog! tagged by: @svagefaith tagging: if we’re mutuals ur doin it son.

GENERAL

name:  kit. birthday:  12/26. sexual orientation:  *hagrid voice* Ur A Lesbian. school status:  college graduate.

YES/NO

drink?:  yes. smoke?:  once in a while. eat cake?:  nah believe in true love?:  mm yes? but i think u gotta work for it. afraid of the dark?:  lol ya. cat person?:  most definitely. virgin?:  define virgin?

FAVORITES

shampoo:  i don’t even know i pick random products every time. disney song:  "out there” i cry evertiem.  actress/actor:  no clue lol. car:  fiat 500!! person:  ar/abel/le si/ca/rdi. type of weather:  either a summer thunderstorm or peaceful nighttime snow. color:  dark greens. 90s sitcom:  IIIIIIIIIN WEST PHILADELPHIA BORN AND RAISED

QUESTIONS

what is your special talent/skill as a roleplayer? idk you tell me?

what is your favorite type of roleplay genre, and why? i like when things get surreal and dark lol.

why did you pick your muse? literally i did yoosung’s route and fell in love with him and couldn’t let him go and was thinking so much abt his character so i just made this blog lol.

if you could write any other muse - but know you don’t have the muse for him/her - who would it be? idk my conception of the muse terminology doesn’t always fit some ppl’s bc i just decide i like and understand a character so i write them but uhhhh i’d probably write a pokemon muse like ilima or lillie if the rp community there weren’t shit lol.

what is one thing you think you need to work on as a partner? literally being fair, i tend to prioritize certain threads above others and i need 2 cut it out and find ways to get excited abt all my interactions.

what would be your warning label to other roleplayers? really bad at talking, and if i go too long i just won’t respond bc i’m embarrassed i took so long to say something.

what is your favorite episode/scene of your muse? literally so many good moments but i lose my shit every time he mentions his friends calling him an ‘M’ and he’s like ‘what does that mean??’ and yet in a phone call he’s like ‘i think seven is an S bc he’s always grinning when he pranks me!! do you know what an S is?’ 

... but also like, i love in jumin’s route when he goes back to rescue seven when they get found out at mint eye. not only for the personal fave line ‘haven’t you ever seen an action movie?’ but also that moment was just, really good and really revealing of his character i think. classic yooseven friendship right there?

what crack!ships do you have for your muse? lol not many? if i joke about it i probs ship it lol.

what is your senpai blog? i don’t really have one, but i do follow all my mutuals for a reason!!

   angel - what’s one character trait you like about yourself? i am almost terminally unable to understand the concept of not having your cake and eating it too    doll - what’s your favourite outfit? anything that would make someone roll their eyes. also i'm wearing a gas mask.    pumpkin - what’s your favourite weather and why? crisp clear fall weather    baby - what makes you feel better when you’re down? smoking a joint and cuddling with my dog    sugarpie - what’s your favourite sweet treat? truly depends on the moment but right now m&m minis    kitten - are you a dog person or a cat person? dog i think but i like both    princess - if you could live in any other time period, which would it be? not to be gay about it but like 1. time is fake 2. the past is fucked up and so is the future and the present and they're all beautiful too so does it matter? i guess i'd go wherever it's easiest to find people i'd get along with which i feel would be the present tho    peach - what’s your ideal aesthetic? i don't have an aesthetic i just like shit    darling -  what romantic gesture makes you feel the most loved? i like being straight up told! im a pretty straightforward person and i like to just hear i love you or like stories about how much they love me lol    button - do you have a type? what is it like? grimy. louder than me. likes tool.    sweet pea - what’s your favourite flower? calla lilies or those big ones that smell like rotting meat    petal - what’s your favourite smell or perfume? mm i don't really have one i don't think? i like how spray paint smells    sunshine - what’s the nicest compliment you’ve ever gotten? "i prayed to meet someone like you before i knew what praying was"    baby girl - how do you like to be held? i just like to snug dude but i will say spooning is like, a marvel of human engineering    lover - how do you show someone you like them? bring them presents and tell them    buttercup - what does/would your online dating bio say? all my dating bios mentioned that i one day want a van with a wizard airbrushed on the side    boo - what’s your dream date? not to be gay about it but anything thoughtful with my partner    cupcake - if you’re treating yourself, what do you do? buy myself junk food. lyft places instead of taking the bus. get body mods or sex toys.    wild thing - what’s something about you that surprises people? idk i don't think about what people think about me    bubba - tell me a funny story from your childhood. one time i was making a birthday card for this girl i was friends with and i was like "hey mom can i use google to look up a picture of a horny toad so i can draw one?" and she was like "....why?" and i said that i wanted to draw one on her birthday card so that i could write "don't be horny... it's your birthday!" on the inside cuz i thought horny was a synonym for grumpy and my mom was like uhhhh horny means something else that you probably shouldn't call your friend and we left it at that    honey - what’s your favourite hot drink? the spiced cider from rimsky korsakoffee or however the fuck it's spelled    love bug - what song would you love to have sung to you? i'll be your butcher by cancerslug    cutie - what’s your favourite fairytale? rn i'm really into stories about meeting the devil at the crossroads    dumpling - what’s your favourite movie right now? excision, and it's been my favorite for a while    my love - what would your dream home be like? honestly having a home at all sounds like an unachievably wild dream in and of itself but i'd love somewhere decorated with lots of weird futurist 60s furniture in bright ass colors and it's in a cave.    dear - pick whatever question you’d most like to answer! i did em alllllll

rose - describe your crush. incredibly resilient. consistently chooses the most interesting and brilliant paths in life and has clearly been born of that. they has an incredibly strong desire to be good to be people. they look like the art they make. cherry-blossom - do you believe in love at first sight? mm not really daisy - what’s your best childhood memory? when i went to see hammered grunts at branx when i was 13 and felt free from everything for the first time daffodil - which colour suits you best? purple and black peony - do you put more value in honour or truth? truth iris - favourite 90s song? ok joan and i were just jamming out to enya songs last night and they're probably not my favorite but PHEW damn. thanks enya. sunflower - sun or moon? mooooooon narcissus - your best physical feature? my lips i think freesia - are you still friends with the person you considered your best friend two years ago? yes joan killing the best friend game over here orchid - favourite fruit? apples are a classic but a girl will not refuse a nice tart plum..... violet - have you had your first kiss? ew no i would nEVER gypsophila - do you prefer many distant friends, or a few close friends? few close friends, i'm bad at navigating a lot of people and don't like casual friendships that feel light gerbera - neon or pastel? depends HEAVILY on my mood and the color but in general... pastel. when i was little i called them Jean colors because i thought they looked like colors a girl named jean might wear and i didn't know the term pastel carnation - does true love exist? yes. alstroemeria - dream vacation? idk not to be hugely gay but anywhere with my boo would be incredible but also i really want to go mexico to see the pyramids anemone - were you ever interested in greek mythology? yes! when i was 7-10, my favorites were athena and artemis and ares cymbidium - sexuality? ghay rhododendron - what’s your biggest fear? being alone and hating it tulip - lucky number? 17 and 78. and 420. cuz i'm like freaking dank faded all the time. gladiolus - who do you look up to most? no one but also me mom snapdragon - favourite mythical creature? harpies hydrangea - proudest moment? really proud of myself for leaving jay and moving out on my own!! that was a big deal for me in trusting myself heather - what’s your favourite musical? my first reaction is lmao i don't have a favorite musical but if i'm being honest the phantom of the opera delphinium - what’s your star sign - does it suit you? i'm a pisces and unfortunately... she's a fish ginger - least favourite food? raw oysters wtf dude!! they're so gross like just let the fucking ocean snot rocket down ur throat why dont u