vent under the cut.

i&. i& s/hed for for the first time in a long while, nothing wild or skin deep, just pokes across the hand, just enough to have a lil feeling bc my& body's highly sensitive to pain bc autistic reasons. alex& gently told me& to put the scissors down so i& did but only after i& poked a couple times & my& dad just called & he's sweet. mom & her stupid ex boyfriend don't even realize her fucking kid is sobbing their fucking eyes out & dealing with dysphoria. & I& still feel a giant shame bc like wtf why would you do that we& were doing so well.

more den haff regwessed but seein all da bad tingz in da world makes me& really sad.... n me& feel bad for da kids in palestine.... why r ppl so mean...

the way most of yall think that intersex & two spirit ppl just dont exist in nsft spaces aside from our fetishization is genuinely laughable ngl....

i swear to g-d im& not even the jealous type but jfc i HAAAAAAATE this feeling when im& just lowkey like. who's :)))))) this :))))) bitch 👀👀👀👀🔪🔪🔪🔪 :))))))

storytime !! two days ago when i called a helpline, this counsellor (her father is a white settler & her mother is blackfoot) was rly rly kind & sweet w/ me& bc i& was like. bawling my eyes out about. well. recent events & how it brought back bad memories. after i basically said everything on my mind in my& sobbing mess & she soothed me, i& told her about if i& was even allowed to talk about m.migw2s issues considering my& main abuser & everything, & she told me yes, bc she used to work at a shelter for indigenous women & two spirits & they were her primary clients & its all connected to settler violence whether you survived or not so even if i'm still here, i& still have a right to talk about it which. made me& feel rly validated bc i& felt like i& couldnt considering. yknow. im& still here. & not to mention reading jessica smith's "a survivor's view on missing and murdered indigenous people: a healing journey of raising survivor and grassroots warrior voices" helped alleviate this too bc she said "sex trafficking, domestic violence and sexual assault directly correlate with the epidemic of missing and murdered indigenous people [...] there is a lack of literature that comes from the standpoint of an indigenous two spirit woman who is a survivor [...] my view on it is different than most of the literature that is out there because i have personally lived through these traumas, and i know the needs of survivors because they are my needs, too. survivors have critical expertise on this topic that non-survivors do not, and it is crucial that survivor voices be heard. [...] this is what healing looks like [...] it is so important to support survivors, to turns survivors into leaders, and to allow them to be the voice of change is crucial, no one has better expertise on these issues than someone who has lived through it. [...] i am beating all the odds because of the people who believe in me. [...] who was lost for so many years and have helped turn me into the powerful leader than our ancestors are proud of. imagine a world where everyone lifts and supports survivors in this way. there are so many strong, resilient indigenous leaders out there, and it is crucial to let their voices be heard, that support is what took me from merely surviving to absolutely thriving. we all need to be supporting each other like this. it is our time to rise above our traumas. it is up to us to break generational curses. when someone says 'it runs in the family', you tell them, 'this is where it runs out'." she also told me& i'm& a changemaker & changemakers are often seen as the enemy by society at the time, that i& was very brave for talking about it, that i& was allowed to be all of myself&, that be everyone has layers, people aren't fractions & its okay to embrace all of it & blood quantum is bs & to take back what was stolen from me, my culture, to keep practicing my traditional dances & sacred medicines, to keep myself educated & that i& can call literally anytime i& want, even if not at my& lowest, even when i'm& happy.

fyi rainstorms r real bad here so if u don't see us u know why

i feel as if i need to say this & have been needing to say this for a while but. i am native, but i am also jewish. i am a native jew. you can't just support me when i'm talking about native / indigenous issues, y'all also have to support me when im talking about jewish issues / antisemitism, even if i'm reconnecting bc the shit ive been seeing for the past few months is genuinely unsettling. this shit isn't just about media tropes or antisemitic stereotypes or antisemitic literary tropes in harry potter or disney movies or gothic literature or whatever. it's about being ignored. it's about holocaust denial. its about historical revisionism. it's about people saying "punch nazis!!!!!!!!" and completely ignoring jews & romani who are neonazis' main targets. i'm sorry but at this point it's not enough to just say "my blog is a safe space for jews!!!!!!!!" w/ the occasional hannukah post & even that's the bare fucking minimum. no. you have to actively reach out to your jewish friends. ask how they're doing. im gonna be brutally honest here but whenever i talk about native issues, i get way more support (relatively speaking) from leftist goyim than jewish issues & i can count on one hand the amount of people who comforted me about how scared i was w/ the rise of antisemitism, especially bc as a reconnecting jew, it's very scary seeing all this bc i wasn't raised to be prepared for it, & the vast majority of them were other jews. fandom isn't activism. leftist goyim seriously need to do better in including jewish people in y'all's activism im not even joking.

okay so. goy followers moots & friends i need y'all to read this. i'm only reconnecting as a native jew so my voice probably won't matter as much compared to the others in the community who were born and raised but like. i Need y'all to stand up for jewish people, your jewish friends. obviously this goes for reaching out and supporting your muslim and palestinian friends too but that should go without saying as an indigenous system, but as a native jew i feel like i have a duty to speak up on the matter even if it's only small. i don't give a fuck if it doesn't match your blog's aesthetic. i don't give a fuck if you think it's "too much drama". people are literally getting fucking hatecrimed and even killed. watch your language. don't speak on shit you don't know anything about. if i sound angry, that's because i am. i'm not directly angry at anybody in particular so don't feel like this is an attack on anybody, but 99% of the time the only time i see people talk about antisemitism especially in light of recent events are other jewish people, and this is what i've been seeing; my aspd ass is telling it how it is how i see it. so like. please for the love of the creator just. be decent. please. i shouldn't have to feel like i want to cry about thinking about this poor 97 year old woman who's a holocaust survivor getting told the worst things imaginable to get people to give a shit. i wasn't raised to deal with this so it's a very frightening thing to see constantly. protect your jewish friends, the jewish community needs loud and vocal support and protection. protect your jewish friends, even ones that you don't know. y'all can't say "punch nazis" and not prioritize and protect jewish people as well as romani people. like. don't be afraid to literally just say hi or check up on your jewish and muslim friends. it takes 5 seconds.

do not reblog unless you're a member of our system. goyim can like to show support but keep quiet unless if it's to be supportive.

can't tell whether it's flu or covid but whatever it is it's making my& CFS ass even worse 😭😭😭😭

hey guys uh. im&. rly not sure what's gonna happen to my& dog. for reference's sake, he's been having major allergies & nobody knows why & even when we sent vets from montreal a culture & even when we use thc+cbd for dogs nothing came of it & nobody knows the cause of it. mom & her ex bf are going w/ the dog down to new brunswick to see what they can do but like. we're running out of options. he just. keeps suffering. i had to hold him while mom put drops in his ears & cleaned out his ears. this is the sixth night in a row where we had to clean his ears & just. the howls of pain & the whimpers & the cries... i've& never heard him in so much pain.

love it when your mother posts pictures of you without ur fucking consent & literally calls you delusional & in a mind of ur own just for dressing in a different outfit ( yikes !!!! ableism !!!! ) & infantilizing you by calling u a child living in a world of ur own & posting ur private medical information in public where all her friends can see. /s

yknow... i was just thinking this & i got rly sad. some babies & young kids & the lives that were lost will never taste chocolate or eat cookies or pet a cat's soft fur. that makes me tear up. nobody deserves that. i literally don't understand how anybody could sleep at night knowing they were the cause of that.

i just. love hearing transmisogyny in the morning lmao /s

i& just. fucking love it when ur dissociating bc ur sister didnt fucking give u a cw/tw about. fucking c.hild t.rafficking via prageru who you've heard shifty things about n ur sister KNOWS that ur sensitive to this kinda shit & she clearly wasn't fucking thinking. :))))))))))

hhhh. okay. tell me& im& not the only one who's annoyed w/ the fact that clementine is literally whitewashed in tfs. & i& don't mean just the skintone, i& mean her features, too, she doesn't have her epicanthic folds anymore which are more common in asian & native folx ( which i& have them, bc i'm& native & i& can tell you rn they don't just disappear like that lmao ), she's given a more european nose, s1!clementine has extremely curly hair (seems to be.. 4C? i& could be wrong tho, black folx please correct me& ) but this detail seems to be miscommunicated as ‘wavy’ later on, as tfs!clementine’s hair is seen to be mostly straight with slight waves. yeah, blah blah blah i know that s1!clementine & S2!clementine, especially s1!clementine had lighter complexions that are closer to tfs!clementine & that bc this is the apocalypse, she obviously doesn't have access to a brush, oils, shampoo or conditioner or w/e, but if anf!clementine is canon, there’s no real reason why she should look as light as she does while lee still looks the same since S1 & it also doesn't help that a lot of the community tends to make her lighter than what she actually is & it pisses me& off, especially as a native person who has cousins that have the exact same skintone, if not slightly darker, than anf!clementine's, as well as my& native grandfather who had a medium skintone & his father who was VERY dark skinned and they don't just. magically turn lighter all of a sudden for no reason. it just. doesn't work like that.

nonnatives fucking stop using the "two wolves inside me/you" challenge, i'm& fucking tired of educating nonnatives on not using memes created to humiliate & fetishize us. be a good ally & help us out, the emotional labor shouldn't always be up to us & yall owe me& $6000 & a gift on my& wishlist in that alone.