Tumgik
#apparently PG didn't give me enough pain because I needed MOAR
thedummysdummy · 1 year
Text
S2 Ch 44: The Other Side
Obviously this is VERY spoilery. But I couldn't help but consider Victor's side, so here we are.
Of course the first words out of her mouth were an exclamation of jubilation. But more importantly, the first word out of her mouth was my name. The whirlwind of emotion which had taken hold of my heart during the last few minutes had not yet ceased; in fact, it simply glowed with the fires of relief and pride. 
“Hmm, I heard everything.” 
The first order of business was to get the girl out of the pool and back into my arms where she belonged. I paused at the water’s edge, a memory I’d only recently regained turning slowly behind my eyes like a glittering crystal. The girl had jumped into a pool such as this before, hadn’t she? Images of a crimson dress hugging her wet form and diamond earrings catching the glow of the pool lights superimposed themselves over her now and I felt a sharp pain in my chest. The memories felt both foreign and familiar, her arms around my neck, her lips on mine for the very first time…
I blinked and lowered my arm, realizing I’d presented the completely incorrect angle in my memorial stupor. Thoughts lingered on the surface of my parted lips, but somehow I didn’t have the strength to pry them from where they clung. 
I’m so proud of the woman you’ve become.
I love you.
I…have to go away soon. I don’t know when I will return. 
No, no, absolutely not. Promises not made were promises that could not be broken, and saying goodbye was a promise of a new hello. And the word ‘goodbye’ tasted like a stream of acid burning its way from my trembling lips down my dry throat and directly into my quivering heart. 
She stared at me, the confusion evident in the deep pools of her irises. It seems she had something to say as well, but I did not know if I could handle hearing her voice. The handkerchief she’d so tenderly placed on my breast sprung to mind and I pulled it from my pocket, wanting to remove the droplets of water from her face as quickly as possible. The way they ran down her cheeks too closely resembled tears and I knew I couldn’t handle her tears in this moment. 
Yet I found myself removing those precious droplets with the utmost care, memorizing the curves of her face beneath my fingertips. The way her nose ended softly, the high arch of her brows. Her jaw, so often these days set with determination to match the burning fire in her intense eyes. 
It seemed she sensed my hesitation as I saw a flicker of sadness in her posture. She’d gotten nearly as good at reading me as I had her, it seemed, but as usual the girl simply lifted her chin and flashed me a big smile. 
“See? This gift is very handy, isn’t it?” 
All I could do was sigh helplessly as the most tender word in my vocabulary slipped out. “Dummy.” 
~~~
Dealing with the press was certainly something familiar and almost mundane. Their questions, though irritating, were nothing I couldn’t handle. Mr. Meng did his utmost best to throw me off while appearing friendly, but such things were also well within my ability to handle. 
What did echo in my chest, however, was a sense of urgency. I’d broken the rules and I knew my time was short. I could feel the grains of sand in my hourglass trickling away as the minutes passed. These were minutes wasted on them; minutes I should be spending with her. 
She needed to be dry. She needed to be warm. She needed to spend as many of those minutes in my arms as possible. By the time we parted with the press and made it back to my car, exhaustion had begun to settle into the crevices where the adrenaline had been. I turned up the heat and began to drive, my thoughts a tangled ball of thread in my mind. The entire thing was coated with a bitterness which lingered on my hand after shaking Mr. Chang’s. 
It took great effort to find the end of the thread and even more to begin following it, untangling and attempting to organize the stream which seemed only to re-knot itself behind my concentration. It wasn’t until only the sound of the engine broke the silence that I realized the girl had been speaking, but I hadn’t heard a word of it. “What were you just saying?” 
Like a child she pulled at my sleeve with a frown pulling at her sweet face. “I was talking about that Meng Chang!”
Of course she was, what else would I expect? It took some time to find a complete thought with which to answer her; urgency colored any attempt at a casual response. All I could think about was what I saw when I shook that man’s hand. In the end, what came out was simply a warning. “Meng Cheng appears to be amiable on the surface, but is actually very shrewd. There will likely be further troubles down the road when dealing with him in the future.” 
She had to know. She had to be prepared, because I knew I could not be at her side. But again I could not bring myself to give her any sort of warning as to that. “You should be more careful around him from now on.” 
No surprise filled my heart when she immediately turned my warning back on me. For the time being she was correct, but would she even remember those three letters when the time came? Would ‘LFG’ mean anything in my absence? “Mm. Moving forward, I…” But the words stuck in my throat. There was no more I. There was only her and the strength she had gained which I had been unable to see past my own emotions. 
She was as prepared as I could have made her, but that didn’t stop the sourness which was growing in the deepest parts of my soul. 
I was grateful, then, when she attempted to lightheartedly change the subject. She obviously sensed my hesitation, but I was grateful she chose not to push. Or so I thought…”So what was going through your mind when you saw me falling into the pool? After all, a certain someone seemed to be hemming and hawing when he came running…Victor, do you have something you wanted to say to me, but feel a little embarrassed to say out loud?” 
So she had noticed. The same thoughts began again swirling in my mind and I somehow wondered if she had gained some power of telepathy. However, her continuation somewhat rested my soul. I can’t help but chuckle at her surety. “I do have something to say to you. But for something so important, does a certain someone really want to hear it in the car?” 
Her light protest and my resulting quip almost allowed me to forget what I actually needed to tell her. The familiar flow of our conversation sat heavily on my chest while simultaneously lifting my heart. I wanted the rest of our time to be perfect. If I could have only one more night before my life faded to midnight, I could only wish for it to be the most beautiful night possible. 
“Also, have you forgotten something?” 
She looked at me with confusion and amusement creeped into my voice. “The two lantern festival tickets that were placed inside the proposal, were they simply for me to take a look at?” I watched with amusement as she rediscovered them and her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “I even thought that perhaps it was a special surprise you prepared…but now it appears a certain dummy herself has forgotten about it.” 
Disappointment seems to dim the color in her eyes as she notices the time. “At my side, you will always have enough time.” But myself? I’d simply have to make the time I had left be enough time. 
~~~
Could she tell how desperately I held her hand as we weaved our way through the streets of the festival, a sky of lantern-stars surrounding us as if we strolled through the very heavens. Her arm goes taut as the girl stops and I pause one step later, looking back to see the light and shadows dancing across her face. She seems deep in thought as another memory springs unbidden to my mind. 
“Are you planning to write ‘may all wishes come true’ again?” 
The words slip out with very little thought; my mind was still wrapped up in reliving this memory I was experiencing for the first time…again. It made very little sense, yet I was more grateful now for the ‘extra time’ than I could ever have predicted. It felt, somehow, like a small gift offered as condolence for what was to come. 
She seems surprised and I simply point at her face with a chuckle. I long ago learned to read you, my dearest dummy, I wanted to say, but simply gave her the most subtle of smiles and pinched her finger. In this moment I would have found a way to give her the moon if she asked. An ice cream seemed the most mundane of wishes, but something within me sighed with relief. It was a promise I could surely keep. “Sure, what flavor do you want?” Her mumbling and stumbling at my acceptance caused me to laugh a much-needed laugh. “There isn’t any here, but let’s go check out the place up ahead. The path ahead of us is still very long.” 
I took her hand again, hoping that I had been correct. There was no doubt in my mind that we could find the ice cream she’d so brashly requested, and the physical distance ahead of us did, indeed, hold plenty of opportunity. However, I felt the path of our time together crumbling at our feet. We weave our way casually through the crowd, the beating of my heart outpacing the stride of my feet. 
I know I should tell her. But where do I begin? 
In the end, I didn’t have to broach it at all. My hand swayed and I turned my head slightly to meet her dazzling eyes. “Mr. ‘deliberately being mysterious’ CEO Victor, can you tell me now? What was it that you wanted to tell me earlier?” 
All I could do was brush the question aside with a quip and carry on as if the words weren’t chewing on my throat and tongue. I was favored at that moment as my eyes fell on a certain sign. We paused on a small bridge where I stepped a little closer and stared deeply into her eyes. In those eyes I could see every moment of multiple lifetimes and I reveled in them, feeling their warmth soaking into the cold places in my heart for a moment. If given enough time they may have thawed it completely, but I didn’t think I could handle what came next with a heart of flesh. 
My eyes broke away from her face and I deflected by pointing at the sign I had spotted ahead. “It seems a certain someone’s wish is about to come true immediately.” The current of emotions were clear on her face. Surprise and joy mingled with frustration evident in her clenched hands. All I can do is chuckle and brush her cheek with the pad of my thumb. “I’ll never break the promises I’ve made to you. So, before that, let’s satisfy the wish of a certain dummy first.” 
She took the bait. I knew she would. But I didn’t expect her ‘condition.’ “Then you wait for me here!” 
Immediately my response was to deny and catch hold of her hand. This path of ours diverged any step now, and the thought of letting her go felt as if my own body was being torn in half. “Do you really need a sense of mystery to buy ice cream?” came from my lips, but what I meant was “Do you really need to leave me alone in these last moments of agony? Can’t you see how desperately I want you to stay by my side until the very last possible moment? Hold my hand. Look into my eyes. Tell me every detail of your life. Be your childish, impish, exasperating, perfect self. 
“Tell me that you love me.” 
But my earlier realization returned to my mind. Who was the real dummy? She could stand on her own two feet, now. And sooner or later, I was going to have to let her go. And so I began to laugh, both at her ‘deal’ and at myself. “Childish…Then remember to walk a little faster. The lantern show is about to start.” 
My eyes lingered on her familiar form as it disappeared into the crowd. My heart burned each time she turned back to check that I hadn’t moved, almost as if she knew that I would soon be leaving again. Each time I smiled and waved her on, shaking my head slightly in amusement. Such an endearing little dummy.
But as she walked away, I began to feel an increasing sense of concern. Surely it was just anxiety of breaking my promise to stay here until her return against my will causing my heart to beat faster and my palms to sweat. I pushed those damp palms into my pockets and leaned against the railing to await her return. 
The moment she emerged from the shop, my eyes returned to their magnetic north. There was a bounce and a sense of haste in her gait and I could feel her eyes on me, as well. Some portion of me wished to push through the gathered crowd and return to her side, but I forced myself to allow her to return to my side on her own. 
All around me, lanterns began rising into the air. They obscured my view with their gently glowing forms, through which I squinted to keep track of the girl. 
“Victor!”
I hear her voice and the smile on my face grows as I turn in her direction. I still couldn’t see her clearly, but I knew that only moments stood between us. My senses were enveloped by the flickering of candles and the shouts of excited festival goers, but the girl pauses with confusion in her eyes. A cold feeling of dread douses the fire in my stomach as I look into those pools. So, the time has come. 
Despite all my preparations for this exact moment, I feel a sourness filling my nose and throat, causing me to swallow hard to keep back the threatening mistiness in my eyes. I called her by name, hoping that I could at least leave her with a few parting words. “Remember to continue doing what you have to do.” 
But her response simply confirms my fears. “...Do you know me? Who are you?” She moved closer to me and I felt my hands straining to reach out and pull her into my arms. Her struggle is obvious as she stares at me, grasping her chest in pain. Every cell in my body screamed that I needed to comfort her. I needed to brush her hair away from her cheek and tell her that everything would be fine. “Vi…ctor.” 
She repeats my name again and again, seeming to find less and less meaning in it with each repetition. I attempt a smile and shake my head slightly. “That’s fine. I’ll leave now.” Against my nature I turn and take a step away from her, feeling as if the air around me had turned to gelatin which I struggled to step through. At that exact moment, the crowd grew particularly excited and I allowed myself to slip away into its depths, quickly sweeping me away from my northern star. 
Amidst the streaming beams of brightly-colored fireworks, I found the world around me fading away. And with it, I felt my memories trickling away into the grains of sand which began falling around me. 
I find myself standing in a vast desert with only the presence of a small boy next to me. “Are you ready to bear the price?” he asks and I find myself nodding through the tears which I could feel on my cheeks. I didn’t know why they were there, who this boy was, or what I must have done, but somehow I knew I’d been preparing for this. 
My feet scatter bits of broken glass as I step through them, following the little boy deeper into the desert.
29 notes · View notes
thedummysdummy · 2 years
Text
Between the Scenes: S2 CH31
The idea for this fic popped into my head the moment the series of events in this chapter were explained to me. I knew I just had to more fully explore Victor's point of view even though I hadn't read it yet.
So here it is. I finally read @perhaps-in-anotherdream 's translation of the chapter today and used that as a basis for the dialogue (which I'm sure you'll notice if you've read it.) Please, please read the chapter first or accept that you're spoiling yourself irreparably. You have been warned.
~~~
The note in my hand felt like the scorching of a flame and, knowing the possible consequences but hoping my logic was sound, I reached out and took the girl’s hand before my resolve faltered. She seemed taken aback by my sudden movement but our hands fell together as naturally as they always had. Warm, comforting…for a moment, I had the world again in my palm. Everything faded away leaving only a feeling of home.
But the illusion of the moment shattered as soon as she felt the heat of the paper against her skin. She froze and her fingers contracted. I knew she was about to question me, and before I could act, the words hung in the air between us. 
“What are you going to do?” 
I knew there was no time to explain, but I also knew that she wouldn’t like the answer. My heart jumped in my chest and for a split second I doubted myself. Would this work? No, I had to have faith. Before she could even finish speaking I forced my mind to overpower my heart and I flung open the glass door. She offered no resistance as I pushed her through and locked it behind her; I knew she wouldn’t. I’d counted on this; what I had not counted on, however, was the sheer amount of pain that would strike my heart in a flash of lightning and thunder the moment the glass came between us. 
Her expression through the bullet-riddled glass did nothing to settle the angry beast which had trampled into my chest and laid waste to my heart. Her eyes darted between the door and myself, frantic as a rabbit before wolves. 
“VICTOR?” 
I breathed deeply, her screaming my name through the door adding only more stress to the situation. And yet those two syllables on her lips were a sound I could hear every moment for millennia and never grow weary of. “I need you to do something for me. In the room at the end of the corridor, there’s a person waiting for you. Go find him. And then, do as the note says.” I spoke the words as calmly as I could, hoping she didn’t notice the tremble in my voice or the shaking of my body as each movement sent new ripples of pain through my shoulder. 
“Was this your plan?”
Even in such a dire circumstance, I could not help but marvel at her ability to question my every movement before obeying. I choked back a smart remark, seeing in her eyes that she is not in a state to accept banter for what it is. Instead, I allowed the feeling of pride to swell within me and straightened my back. “This is something only you can do,” I assured her, knowing full-well the truth behind the words. There had been no idleness or flattery as I carefully instructed my accomplice to reassure the girl:
“Aside from myself, you are the only one whose words I would trust unconditionally.”
I knew in my heart that this girl, the most precious person in the world, would fulfill my instructions with careful precision. As fire filled the air between our interlocked eyes, a warm and comfortable blanket of peace settled over my shoulders. Yes, she will do this perfectly. And so…I, too, must do my part perfectly. I could hear the din of the crowd growing louder behind me and the muzzle of the gun glinted in a reflection on the door. Time was growing short. 
All I could do was square up my shoulders, give the girl one last meaningful look, and hope that she could feel the immensity of emotion that I was attempting to pass from my existence to hers. The time had come and I tore myself away, turning my back on my world and toward the world. 
And yet I could not force myself to walk away without my heart regaining control of my body and turning my head around one more time. I had to see her…just one more time. Her retreating form sent a pang of heat and light through my heart, pulling my hand up to rest my fingers gently on the glass. They left a smeared trail of blood on the glass as they caressed her form. 
A thousand unspoken words filled my lips as time seemed to stand still for a brief moment. Yet how few I could speak when she, like I, seemed to feel the irresistible urge to glance back. Our eyes met and the final ounce of courage I needed seeped into my soul. 
“Dummy.” 
Though I knew she couldn’t hear my whisper, her eyes told me she knew exactly what I had said. I watched her draw a deep breath, turn, and disappear without a further backwards glance. With no further distraction and knowing I already sailed on borrowed time, I turned back to the man with the gun and felt my lip curl up into a sneer. 
“CEO Victor,” the man began, his voice pulling me fully back into the present, “what do you think? Has this transaction been more interesting than you might have imagined? Doesn’t that group of people look particularly pathetic and exceptionally ridiculous in your eyes? Someone like Mr. Victor, the Pride of Heaven, must have never been tormented by despair like this, am I right? Isn’t it a novelty?”
Pride of heaven? Never tormented by despair? Vivid scenes began bursting behind my eyes, as vivid as if moments of history were repeating themselves in real time. 
Frosted, white skin and ever increasingly angry captors, but seeing the unhealed wounds on her hands.
White hot pain seeping into my blood from the tip of a needle, but knowing she wouldn’t understand why I did it.
A black hand, dragging me through the very pits of non-existence and wondering if she would make it on her own. 
Centuries of solitude borne silently, longing for nothing more than to be by her side. 
No, I was no Pride of Heaven. I was no God. Bitter and sarcastic laughter slipped from my lips at the incredulity of it all. Did this man really think he was giving me my first sip of a bitter cup from his own hand? “Do you feel jealous? Do you find yourself particularly pitiful and miserable because of me?”
The mocking words seem to have struck a nerve. Barely had I finished speaking than the ring of a gunshot preceded the searing agony of flesh shredded and muscle torn asunder as the bullet ripped through my left shoulder. It seemed that the man was displeased with my lack of reaction; his lips trend slightly downward as he gives a reply. “You’re just lucky.” 
“Yeah? I’m indeed very lucky.” Lucky for a stable home. Lucky for the resources and education that brought me to where I am. Lucky to have known her and lucky to have been in a position to help those who weren’t nearly as lucky. For such benefits were not to be selfishly clutched as a child’s favorite toy; no, gifts of this kind were meant only to serve those who struggled. Those who toiled under far harsher burdens than my own. Those who, in moments of desperation, might even lose track of who they are. 
And that was why despite the taunting and prodding and mocking, I could only reply: “I will not raise weapons against them. As for you…you’re just a joke.” 
I did not bother to count the bullets that roared from the barrel of the gun and found lodging in my body. Again and again the steel dragon howled and balls of solid flame tore through my human flesh. Until…it stopped. It all stopped. The man, the gun, the throng of angry and terrified people just vanished, leaving me completely and utterly alone. “I…I knew she’d manage it,” I breathed, feeling relief spreading through me even as my extremities began to grow chilled. But something was wrong. 
Where had everyone gone? 
The backlash of time and space is beyond your imagination. Both to yourself, and the time you have left. For us, death is not the end of life. Oblivion is.
Zero’s words echoed through the caves of my mind and I knew then that I had not managed to outsmart the rules. Despite all my best efforts and logical theories, my plan had not been foolproof. Was this…oblivion? I collapsed against the wall, finding it hard to breathe with so many wounds. Now that my necessary bravery was fulfilled, I found it left a cavern into which poured a river of pain and loneliness. But what I should do next was a mystery. What did one do in oblivion? 
All I wanted to do was find a quiet space away from this corridor of blood and terrible memories. Every step seemed to add five pounds to my feet until I paused in front of a door to catch my breath. Curiosity entered my swimming consciousness for a moment and I opened the door, finding it to reveal a small and dark utility room. Various decor and sundries cluttered the floor as I entered, finally losing my strength. I fell to my knees and crawled into the corner where I rested my back against the wall and closed my eyes. 
I do not know how long I sat there alone. For all I knew, time didn’t even exist in this place. My body ached and leaked blood and sweat from every surface. Was I going to spend eternity here in this closet, suffering and alone? If so, so be it. Everything was as it should be. My only regret was that I could no longer keep my promise to always return to her side.
The sound of the door creaking open drew my attention and at first, I thought my swimming vision and longing were creating a vision of desire. The most familiar and wonderful form appeared in the doorway and froze, staring into the room with a look of confusion coloring her features. My heart rose into my throat, leaving very little room for my vocal cords to vibrate. “It’s you,” I whispered. 
Still unsure if I was seeing things or not, I watched intently as the girl entered the room and observed my decrepit and blood-crusted state. My eyes softened and I met her gaze, hoping to any higher power that might be listening that this was not a dream. I couldn’t bring myself to speak again, but I desperately hoped she could read the emotion pooling in my stare.
And then…she spoke. “Sir, are you okay?”
A fear settled into each individual cell of my body, though I didn’t want to believe it. I had to test her. I had to know. A deep breath relaxed my vocal cords enough to speak, more forcefully this time. “Dummy, what do you think?”
The look of annoyance and confusion rather than understanding flashing through her eyes. Her eyes which had filled and overflowed with tears and stared blankly back at me. So that’s what Zero meant by oblivion. It had been painful enough ordering just a small portion of her memory to be erased back in the Space Time Bureau, but this was an entirely new ocean wave of pain. I felt it crushing down on me and dragging me out to deep water where I was too weak to even search for land. 
She continued to stare into my eyes, the confusion growing in her posture and gaze. I continued to stare back until she broke our stare and turned back toward the door. Yes, this is as it should be as well. It’s better this way, that you don’t remember me. This way, you don’t have to hurt for me. Just exit that door and leave this empty space behind. I will remember for both of us.
But she paused, her head tilted thoughtfully before she began rummaging through the various items in the room. I can’t help watching her. Can’t help taking one more opportunity to memorize the shape of her form and the light in her eyes. I will remember for both of us. 
I closed my eyes again in defeat until I sensed her kneeling next to me. Her tender hands unbuttoned my shirt and carefully pulled it away from my wounded body, sending flashes of memory through my mind. I smiled as I remembered all the times she had performed such an action, but these memories soon faded to a blue haze of sadness. 
My only comfort came from the warmth of her hands brushing my skin and holding the bandages in place as she wrapped my abdomen and shoulder. With my eyes closed it was easy to pretend that nothing was awry. Her touch was so natural and so familiar that it took no effort to believe she was bandaging her Victor. Could she possibly be so tender with a complete stranger? 
But her words again shattered the silent blanket of ignorance in which I had so securely wrapped myself. “Sir, I have briefly dressed your wounds for you. But, you still have to get yourself checked by a professional doctor.” 
I could no longer handle the pain and anger which began raging more hotly than the bullets through my body. “I am not ‘Sir,’” I murmur, my head hanging lower. She paused and stared at me, her mild eyes as light as the midday sky. 
“Then…who are you?” 
“You tell me - who am I?” I replied, my eyes lighting with a raging fire. She must remember me! Being this close and feeling her touch again, I could not stand the thought of being strangers. I desperately wished I could take her by the shoulders and shake her, repeating every memory of her which was burned into the archive of my mind by the fires of emotion! If I had to expound to her every moment we shared from the playground as children to the sidewalk as young adults to the moment we stepped foot on this ship, I would explain them over and over until they again became part of her history or we both passed from old age. 
Her soft fingertips brushed my cheek and I felt my breath catch in my chest. Yes, my mind screamed, remember me! 
“You are…Vi-Victor.” 
Somewhere inside of me, a dam burst and muscles I had not even realized I’d been holding relaxed. I watched as huge tears welled up in her eyes and began streaming down her perfect face. I couldn’t help reaching out and wiping them away, caressing her cheeks with all the fondness I could fit into my fingers. “H-he…is…” 
I could almost see the pieces of the puzzle returning from whatever dark oblivion had swallowed them up and reassembling themselves behind her reddened eyes. We stared at each other and I began keeping my promise, telepathically willing the memories running through my mind to break into her consciousness. Still I waited for her answer with bated breath, caught off guard when instead of speaking she collapsed into my arms. 
“Victor…is Victor. And he is a…a hundred percent dummy!” 
Though to an outsider this sentence might be nonsense, both of us knew exactly what she meant. It was all the confirmation I needed. Her arms around my neck tightened until I feared she would cut off my air. Dummy, I’m not going anywhere. A sigh and a laugh crossed my lips and I returned her embrace, slowly feeling even the darkest parts of my consciousness relax. “I’m sorry…” she muttered, and I could feel the immensity of her guilt hanging heavily in her words. “I don’t know why I…” 
I couldn’t bear to hear the words and I cut her off. “Probably because you’re a dummy.” Rather than the laughter I expected, she grew angry and her tears intensified. 
“What does this have to do with being a dummy?!”
All I could do was chuckle and reply in my usual manner. “You’re being so loud. The wounds are going to open up by getting a shock from your voice.” I simply gathered her tenderly in my arms and tried to hide the trembling in my fingers and tears welling up in my own eyes. For now…I was glad she could not see my face, and glad she could not hear the fears which still whispered from the darker corners of my mind.
19 notes · View notes