stoppp a costumer snitched on me wtf

it’s 4:32

i wake up every morning around weird times is there a reason a reason why i do this.. when i think about random days i would wake up .. i remember the night we use to wake up in sweat.. that was from radiance we had the amount of warmth our bodies gave every morning you were like an oven.. with me.. anyways that was a reason we’d wake up but on these days when i’m by myself is it the same or am i just waking up for a superstition reason .. or like a weir ftelepahtic reason idk it’s just constant every morning i wake up.. at 2-6 am .. are you up? or is it just me waking up... anyways i’m gonna dice in again and give out to live out..

i tend to filter through your twitter and every time i find a relevant like to our condition it makes me feel open.. like this one i found talks about the fact that someone broke up with someone cause they weren’t happy but still in love with them.. and love isn’t happiness and you have to take that in but it not going in depth with it cause it’s late and i just do these quick late blogs so i can go back to dream world.. but anyways i look at this and just take it in and think well you do still love me.. it’s just that we weren’t happy.. but i hold my deciphering and just try to take in this pov or i should say this open wisdom from relevant people situations.. everything’s weird

i only check on you cause i wanna see that you’re alive.. i wanna see that you’re thriving with life .. i don’t know i care for you.. i maintain distance and ive broken a bit communication with you before and acted impulsively or rather hectic and i’m just trying to maintain and work on it so i just visually pass through to you and come here sometimes i wish you read those sometimes i wish we could talk sometimes i wish i had someone to get this out too and really just stop you’re a never metronome inside me and you are my drive to work better to be better to develop and maintain.. i thank you for this i thank you for protecting me and being human with care and love.. and at times i wish to give back to you the little that i can scrounge for you from left over wealth or my interior but as i think i just rather leave you alone.. i mean think about it i send you a birthday card with a framed picture from sakuracon and several other developed photos about say 8x10 size pieces.. how would it make you feel will i be invasive.. will it be creepy.. will i be crossing lines,.. the more i think about the bad the more i just believe it is bD.. so i distance my self anymore.. and more and more..

mis this really am end to how i feel will i really replace you futuristically will i lay with her and think back to you.. and not lay in a sexual form but in a sleeping time.. it hurts hurts to be like this and i can’t seem to neglect or dismiss because i really do ponder you and think about your end.. but i just think well she’s gotta be better she’s holding up she’s in a better place she must not think about it and these thoughts are assumptions but i just don’t know anymore.. i miss time i miss emotions i miss friendship amd most of all i miss you.. which is all these misses as a whole ..

ots late im late and the more i ponder you and write it on here i just channel and forget forgive and move

and if i were to tell you the truth i don’t want to do all these things said.. i judy wanna come home.. but it’s for the best or so i believe it is.. i acted out i acknowledge this i also develop this.. but our time is up.. i placed my mark on you.. and i hope you don’t see me as someone who’s at that peak forever and can’t develop because i do and sometimes i also do sit here and think do you not believe i can change..?

and it drives me more to change to alter to fix and prodeuce a better me.. from in to out.. this mark we had this really scarred me and is going to make me take it in and out bring development,.. but i can’t type it i must act and show it.. and i won’t lie there might be days i break and produce the repetitive behavior both willingly or unwillingly.. but again i will try to withold and build..

whst else can i let go.. my energy is being aligned.. yeah i think this is it.. oh umm i do rather contemplate this a lot do you come here ever do you ever NLyze me do you ever sit in whatever place you rest or reside and think did he post again or i wonder about him.. it’s okay if you do or don’t.. i don’t really long for attention but i do long for your attention your specifically.. i should stop.. but it’s like i don’t do this for you i do it for me to relax and i can’t lie though i do try to talk to you on here through a threAd of web to get you to either think or feels good about me still caring about you and when i say think i mean about changing your perception on xan how change and will he..

a while ago now that i think of it i posted something about birth control.. and yeah i did assume.. but what really got me because i tend to get into your health and wrapped my care into your health was because around january you were suppose to get a switch.. arm bar and i was like whoa... because some days you said it be possible for you to get pregnant even when you had it and the minute i saw it the control i was like whoaaaaaa no way are you???? but i don’t know much about drugs and if plan b is suppose to be within a day or two or it can be taken whenever.. so in reality i was like did we almost have a kid.. then i did also jump to other things and that made me gloomy and stupid to think about it..

but the thing i mostly wrapped around was were you almost pregnant with a kid from us.. and yeah i did think about other things too but i’m only human to think..

anyways whatever type of apology or conclusion i was trying to draw to you so be it whatever you wish to NLyze from it ..

i hope you had a good day and hope you have one from these days on.. i wish i heard you say congrats on the second job cause no one over here did lol 😨😅 ://// except for my younger sister.. lol :////

anywyas its

xo 1/30 5:03

i love you valerie and i hope we can blossom within and without eachother