#anyways this is just one big giant 'what can i do with procreate' experiment | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

asmo-cosmetics · 9 months

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i didn’t mean to send that yet and i was trying to say that virgin levi is a big thing in the fandom but i can’t imagine it as a reality.

like you can’t tell me he doesn’t have sex with mammon when they’re both bored or angry, that the twins haven’t tag teamed him in their room while he was begging for them, that asmo hasn’t ridden him until he was near knocked out.

virgin levi doesn’t work for me bc the other members of the house of lamentation are right there

asks that were designed in a lab specifically for me. there are layers to this anon take my hand

in one master, none of the brothers are virgins, but in the nightbringer timeline, there's an argument to be made that they all are, because

all angels are virgins. this is a headcanon of mine and reasonable people can disagree but let me explain to you why it's so fun

SHAME. GUILT. it's canon that angels in the om! universe can be tempted by and even driven to disobedience and sin. they are naturally pious, not naturally pure – but they seem to believe they're supposed to be naturally pure, e.g. asmo asking mc if they thought the brothers were supposed to be demons all along.

it's a whole cruel mess, basically. god is the main villain of the obey me universe and i'll die on that hill.

but the result is an entire race of beings that experience sexual maturity, but due to the way their society is structured, each individual believes it to be a unique experience happening to themself exclusively, and happening to them because they are morally weak.

they're not ignorant of the concept of sexuality, because they're the guardians of humans, and humans experience sexuality. but angels shouldn't. angels, as far as any angel knows, don't.

the purest/most naïve/most loyal angels (think raphael) might not even recognize it for what it is within themselves either out of denial. like. "my brothers and sisters are so beautiful and wonderful and have such stunning features and graceful bodies. i love them very much and i love serving our father together with them. i am having a completely pure and normal reaction to them interacting with me." etc.

THIS ALSO FITS WITH THE GAME LORE. THINK ABOUT IT. LILITH IS THE FIRST ANGEL THAT EVER HAD SEX, WHICH MEANT SHE HAD TO DIE, BECAUSE IF AN ANGEL AND A HUMAN WERE TO PROCREATE IT MIGHT RESULT IN A BEING THAT DISRUPTS THE POWER BALANCE BETWEEN THE THREE REALMS. OTHERWISE KNOWN AS GODDAMN MC. GOD KILLED HER AS AN EXAMPLE TO THE ANGELS NOT TO DIRECTLY INTERFERE WITH HUMANS BECAUSE HUMANS ARE HOW THEY KNOW ABOUT SEXUALITY AS A CONCEPT okay i'm done shouting but do you understand??

(thank you diavolo for saving our grandma. you also kind of fucked up the whole universe by doing that but it's okay i get it i'm down bad for lucifer too)

anyway back to the incest stuff

the brothers were not the type of angels mentioned above. like it's been noted in the game, they were never just siblings the way all angels are siblings. they were always close. always a family. so they all experienced the solipsistic torture of loving each other and wanting each other and being sure that these feelings exist in them because they are bad and dirty and wrong

and then they were demons, and they were... free

it would've taken them a while to deconstruct everything, though

in my head, the aftermath of the war is when they became super codependent trauma-bonded weirdos. satan too, though it takes him a little longer to admit it. they start needing a lot more physical touch with each other for reassurance (cries in all sleeping in one room is canon now) and are more affectionate than before with hugs/kisses, and then asmo's sin kicks in and, well, they feed beel. they let belphie sleep. they deal with satan's meltdowns, mammon's sticky fingers, lucifer's superiority complex. they help each other. that's what brothers do.

so there's my giant lore essay. now to what's actually in your ask

you are correct

and i don't get it either (i do get it it's because obey me fans are idiots who go "ewwww incest" despite all the canon incest)

but seriously i do get why the boys as virgins is fun and i guess i could see it in the context of the brothers all being super repressed and not wanting to admit their feelings for each other? but then again. asmo.

and i get the virgin levi thing because for one thing it's cute. and for another thing he canonically has a humiliation fetish

but like that still works with demoncest levi. in fact that works better with demoncest levi. he's never had sex with anyone except his brothers. that makes him even more of a creepy shut-in freak loser.

the other brothers (especially asmo and satan) would literally teach you how to degrade him best!! hello

it's so obvious to me like bye.

also all of your suggestions are so incredibly correct. levi begging for the twins' cocks in specific has... done something to me

i will raise you, however: them DPing him. i think he could take it. and it seems like something the twins would want to do.

as i've said before levi and mammon switch bc they're both subs but mammon is the only brother i think levi's a bossy bottom with. with lucifer and satan it's "please, sir" and with asmo it's "i need you, princess" and with beel and belphie it's "as rough as you want, you won't hurt me," but with mammon it's "i swear to our fucking father if you don't put your cock in me right now i'm gonna kill you" and "harder. now." and "jesus, belphie fucks me better in his sleep, if you're gonna be this lazy turn over so i can ride you"

while i do not personally subscribe to the levi has two cocks theory i do headcanon that he is like. incredibly hung.

levi asmo belphie biggest dicks in the family. no i do not take criticism

anyway asmo's a size queen and also loves throwing shade. perfect combo

but also levi feels safest telling asmo about kinks he saw in hentai wants to try out but is embarrassed of. the first time asmo choked him out it made him come so hard asmo made the executive decision to quietly inform everyone else, who all showered him in praise after they got the same results~

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wheremytwinwatches · 4 years

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[Where My Twin Watches]: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 40

Last time: Our protagonists put on a play for Kimblee, Yoki actually proved to be useful, and Al lost his map. Onwards!

Really digging the new intro. And hey, just noticed that Al’s still got his “hair” cut short from his run-in with Buccy’s chainsaw. Continuity! Hey, you’re the Central jerks who told Armstrong the Great to go south while you took her chair! Boo! I mean yeah, she did kill Raven like you suspect, but he totally deserved it! In Central Armstrong the Great’s walking along when she oh ho! She’s run into her rival, Colonel Roy Mustang!

They snark at each other for a bit, although Armstrong the Great’s not that wrong when she accuses him of getting the post for being “well-connected”. Further attempts at flirting are shot down (she’s both an Armstrong and lives in freezing weather conditions, do not offer to buy her food if you value your bank account), as well as a final attempt to pass off his Flower Mountain. Oh yeah, she should visit her grandmother while she’s here! Here we go, Fuhrer King Bradley vs Major-General Armstrong the Great. He gets right down to it, demanding to know what she’s done with Raven. Knowing she can’t completely lie, Armstrong the Great plays it off as doing Bradley a service, cutting down a blabbermouth who spilled all sorts of secrets like immortality, the plan of the country, and Bradley’s true nature. And knowing all of that, she still came within striking distance of this monster. Because heck, she hears that there’s an empty General’s chair… Wow. Ok, that’s badass. From being summoned for killing one of Bradley’s men, she’s spun this into a seat of power to strike against the Goths. Sure, she has to play along for now, and put her troops in the center of the trap, but damn if I’m not impressed. You go, Ice Queen. Slightly less impressed with Bradley though, while he’s normally all composed and menacing he’s gone all Glowing Red Eye and Smirking At Wordplay here. Still better than Kimblee. Anyways, give it up for General Armstrong! While she’s in Central, her troops are still up north, glaring at those pompous Central officers swanning around like they own the place. Pfft. Their boss might not be in the area, but the soldiers of Fort Briggs still act as one, and when the moment comes to do more than glare at the Centries’ backs… [Buccy]: “From here on, the bears will fight the tigers.” Episode 40 - “Homunculus (The Dwarf in the Flask)” ...ok, I was misled before with thinking “The First Homunculus” would be about Uncle, but second time’s the charm! Gimme Big Bad Backstory! Hey Riza! Hope you’re feeling better after that run-in with the creepy kid. Still have that cut on your cheek? Roy takes a seat at her table and damnit Bradley, why’d you have to go and split up the power couple, with the whole hostage situation hanging over their heads it’s just awkward work conversation with hardly any good banter. I mean, all Riza can say is that Roy is a slacker, I know she’s got way better insults than that. Yeah, especially after the Selim encounter she has to be careful what she says. But she taps her mug to get Roy’s attention? Twice? And the Plotting Music has started up as Roy double-taps his own pen, and oh my Leto they’re talking in code yes. Now Roy’s in a bathroom going over his papers, listing off oh I see, the code is she says a name and he uses the first letter. Clever! Roy’s listing off the names, starts getting shocked as he goes along… yup, I’d say that SELIM BRADLEY IS HOMUNCULUS is something to get shocked over. Roy immediately destroys the paper, wondering what the heck’s about to happen in Central. Down below Uncle’s lounging in his Pipe Chair, taking a nap? Uncle Flashback! To a young man, being yelled at by an electronic voice? Looks like a guy in ratty clothes with a broom, an Alchemist’s Apprentice?

And there’s a bottled-up flask with a shifting black cloud inside, I’m guessing that’s the titular Homunculus. Flask seems disappointed that Apprentice isn’t shocked at being talked to, but is pleased at the lack of fear. Apprentice is apparently #23, oh so he’s a Homunculus working for the Alchemist. Or a slave? So wait, is Apprentice human? Flask is explaining what “deeded” means, says that Apprentice isn’t very bright and wonders how he was born “from someone as stupid as you”. Ok, so the Alchemist used some of Apprentice’s blood in an experiment, that created Flask. Flask is grateful, and decides to give Apprentice a name. Something noble-sounding, but not too complicated for his stupid little brain… how about Von Hohenheim? Oooh, so we’re getting Beard backstory which should lead into Uncle backstory. Hmmm. I see what you’re doing Flask, offering to teach Beardless, raise him up from his life as a slave. I mean yeah, slavery is awful and everything, but I’m getting the distinct impression that your goals aren’t exactly Good. The little arms and Red Eye and manic grin you’re sporting aren’t helping your case, either. [Flask]: “I’ll tell you what, Von Hohenheim, you can call me “The Dwarf In The Flask”, Homunculus.” Eh, I think I’ll stick with Flask for now. Time is passing, suns and moons flying past an hourglass that’s picked up by Beardless while a man in blue robes scribbles away in the background. There’s talk about how All Things Are One, Beardless standing on a cliff with Blue Robe to the side carrying Flask. Wait, is he giving Alchemy lessons to Beardless? For a guy who has numbered slaves to do the drudge work, that’s a surprising act. Unless this is just so Beardless can be a more effective worker for him, so jury is still out on Blue Robe. Beardless seems to impress his boss by talking about how if All is outside the One then it is Nothing or somesuch, Blue Robe says he passed and that Von Hoenheim is now an Alchemist. Really? You give your slave lessons and name him your equal? I really don’t know what to make of Blue Robe. Regardless, Beardless is humble and says he’s still only a servant. Flask chuckles at that. Later Beardless is thanking Flask for his life being improved with the knowledge the Homunculus gave him, earning his Master’s respect. Heck, maybe he’ll even get a girlfriend one day! Flask mocks humanity needing to procreate in order to continue existing, Beardless argues that it’s the bonds of friends and family that people live for. That leads to the question of what makes Flask happy. [Flask]: “Well… I’d hate to be guilty of asking too much, but I think I’d be happy if I could just leave this flask…” Mid-ep pictures of a scuffed-up Beardless (Slave Number 32) wielding a stick, and The Little One Inside The Flask with his huge grin.

Uh oh, creepy music in a darkened hall. Flask is resting on a cloth stand, asking why “someone with so much power and prosperity” would need immortality. Uh oh. Blue Robe snaps at Flask to mind his manners when in front of royalty, seems the noble that Blue Robe works for wants to be immortal. Blue Robe even threatens to smash Flask’s flask (so would that set them free or kill them?), but Flask talks back saying that he wouldn’t dare destroy such a source of knowledge. King certainly looks old enough that mortality is a pressing concern, he demands the secret from Flask who remarks on the age of the King of Xerxes- oh dear, that’s a name that we recognize. So for one we know that this will not end well for the kingdom, and also GOOD LETO Beard is freaking old if he’s from the Precursor civilization to our modern characters! So I think it’s safe to say that the little black-and-red grinning ball of smoke is Evil, it looks like the King’s ordered his people to dig “irrigation canals” all around the country. No sooner do they go to bed after a hard day of standing around and talking about how awesome their King is, that a bunch of soldiers come riding in and slaughter the workers to “carve out a crest of blood”. Dude, not cool. Later Beardless is carrying Flask around as townsfolk murmur about how villages have been getting wiped out, Beardless remarks that it’s an awful tragedy. [Flask, being totally sincere]: “Yeah, real tragic.” A couple more slaughtered villages later, an hourglass runs out and the King is woken up by Blue Robe, along with another Robe Alchemist and Slave Number 32 who is now rocking the Beard. The King just snarks that the TC took long enough. Time to get some immortality all up in this royalty! (Gee, I wonder if it’ll work…) The ceremony begins, the King giving some blood to an urn ask Beard looks on in awe, so happy to see his ruler achieve immortality oh gosh look at all that black smoke and red lighting, looks like things aren’t working out so well. Spindly black arms rise up from the ground to freak out the Xerxians in the circle, the King has just enough time to realize that this isn’t immortality before he and his flunkies start dying. Turns out the real center of the circle is where Flask and Beard are, Flask used the blood of his blood-brother to open the doorway for both of them. A great eye appears below a shocked Beard before enveloping him and growing to encompass the entire city, dozens of giant shadow arms erupting across a screaming nation before they descend on the eye. In the Whitespace Flask and Beard are Deconstructed and the light show ends. In the morning, Beard wakes up next to a broken flask, calling out for his Majesty and his Master before stumbling outside to a city of corpses. [Beard]: “Somebody… there must be someone left…” [Uncle]: “It’s no use. All of their souls have been taken from them.” Beard thinks that the one standing above him is his King and bows, but looks up to see his own face. Uncle says that he created a body using Beard’s blood, now he can walk on his own two legs. [Uncle]: “To thank you for your blood, I’ve given you a name, and I’ve given you knowledge. And now, I’ve given you a body that will live forever.” Yup. Beard’s immortal, carrying half of all the souls of Xerxes in his body. You know, I can kind of understand why he calls himself a monster now. Beard springs back to the waking world on a train, seems he dozed off. So where are you heading now? Finally going to join your boys and be useful, or are you still kicking around Amestris doing whatever it is you do? Ooh! Teacher! Looks like Izumi and Sig are on the same train as Beard! Wait, have they ever met before? Ok, Teacher’s talking about how she finally gets to meet Papa Elric, and Beard finally gets to meet the teacher of his sons. Uh oh, Izumi’s having some stomach problems, Sig goes to get her medicine before Beard offers to take a look. Right, he’s got his Philosopher’s Stone blood, he can patch her up. Sig is sent to “get a car” so he can talk to Teacher privately, he confirms that she’s seen the Truth and she sacrificed her internal organs. Ok, now he can WHAT WHAT NONONONONONONONONONONONONONO BEARD WHAT THE FUCK YOU JUST STABBED TEACHER WHAT THE FUCK I FINALLY SETTLED ON YOU BEING A GOOD GUY (barring you abandoning your family) BUT NOW YOU’RE KILLING OFF THOSE WHO HAVE SEEN THE TRUTH IS YOUR PLAN SERIOUSLY TO KILL OFF UNCLE’S POTENTIAL SACRIFICES SO HE CAN’T USE THEM FUCK THAT, FUCK YOU, KICK HIS ASS SIG wait Teacher is ok? She’s breathing easier? There’s no wound? Ah. Ok, well aside from Beard’s deplorable bedside manner and scaring the living daylights out of me, he’s done a good thing. He apparently can’t replace Teacher’s injuries as they were “a testament to her sin” (so is that the reason you haven’t fixed your kids yet with your Philosopher Blood?), but he did rearrange her organs to allow better blood flow. [Teacher]: “You’re the boy’s father, but who… who are you?” [Beard]: “Who am I? I am a Philosopher's Stone, in the form of a man. That’s what I am.” Post credits has Ed explaining Philosopher’s Stones to Sideburns, who’s skeptical about so much power being held in such a small package. Ed says he’s never seen a Stone larger than that, to make one you’d have to kill thousands. Cue image of Beard eating dinner with the Curtises. [Ed]: “Maybe it’s possible, but I would never want to see it.”

#wmtw #where my twin watches #full metal alchemist #full metal alchemist brotherhood #fmab #fmab 40

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oldtumblhurgoyf · 5 years

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Leviathan

had some stuff conkin around the old noodle lately (read, the past 2+ years) and I’ve never bothered to write any of it cuz it’s all a mess so I’m just gonna kind of stream it below and see if some pieces start to fit better

there’s a woman who is a respectable vintner and rubs shoulders with the upper class and all that. she’s a low aristocrat living in a monarchy and while she’s doing alright for herself, especially compared to the commoners, she dreams of more

like she literally has dreams that are prophetic in nature. she doesn’t know how or why, but she just knows. if she acts on them they can become real. however she is cognizant of the fact that her husband doesn’t appear in any of these dreams and she’s not super sure why

one day the king is coming to visit the area and he’s heard good things about her wines and wants to try them. now she’s had lots of time to prepare for this and is super ready. in fact, she and her husband have planned an elaborate trick to rob the king’s treasury and get away with it

it’s a pretty well known fact that wine snobs would rather drink swill but go along with the popular opinion that it’s incredibly fine wine than buck that opinion to voice distaste and be lampooned as not actually knowing a damned thing about wine. this is more true if everybody knows the price of the bottle.

these two are gonna use that (and this woman’s background in forgery--did I mention she lied and cheated her way up into the aristocracy from peasantry? her husband knows and is pretty cool with it, but they both kept that secret so the two could marry without his family refusing to accept it) anyway these two are gonna use that to produce a very old and highly esteemed and sought after vintage--fake of course. it’s worth a TON and they’re going to offer to let the king buy it from them. there is a fine and old wine in the bottle, and the things so rare, nobody actually knows what the original vintage tastes like, much less after all this time. it’s a perfect crime

of course, something goes wrong. i’m not sure what yet, but they get found out. i’m imagining this elaborate dinner party with the king and his entourage (the whole court isn’t traveling with him, but lots of people are so it’s a hefty crowd) which turns into an impromptu trial when the forgery is somehow found out

now the thing here is, in my mind this is playing out as the two can both deny it and there isn’t hard proof to bring against them (this is a very good forgery, she excels at what she does). maybe in my protagonist’s head she is thinking this and then it comes down to the king’s temperament--does he side with the adviser who insists it’s a fake and punish them, or side with them against his adviser?

but her husband caves under the immense pressure of lying in the face of the king. he wasn’t born into this sort of life style, he just sort of married into it and then the worst he had to do was show his parents the well-forged documents of heredity or whatever proving that his bride-to-be was a distant cousin or some such of some foreign count. he’s never been in this sort of situation and it all just kind of comes up, maybe isn’t even entirely malicious on his part but is the absolute worst thing he could do in this situation

it cuts her so deep, to be betrayed by the man she loves like this. and the sentence for their crime, which in this monarchy is a form of treason, is death. he’s condemned them both... but despite this she can’t stand it and admits before them all her skill at forgery and how it was her idea and her work and here she claims that her husband was unaware of it, that she kept him out of it as well and thus only she should be punished

...except the adviser, who is persnickety and a stickler for details, recalls some small comment or happenstance earlier in the evening which somehow betrays that the husband must have been in on things. he knew and thus despite his wife’s noble attempt at self sacrifice, they must both suffer the punishment

which brings us to this king having a perhaps distorted sense of honor and justice and all that. he reads the husband as a sniveling coward who would sell out his wife to save his own skin (again, maybe that was the case, maybe not) and as such must suffer the fate of a coward (perhaps here the king even confirms that prior to his admission the king felt there was not enough evidence to condemn them and would have simply refused them payment under suspicion). as such it is better the husband be executed rather than “live life as a coward and die a thousand times a day” or some nonsensical line about honor and courage like that. dude’s murdered on the spot, in front of his wife and all. there are fucking cheers because people are like that--they just witnessed god’s divine judgment manifest before their eyes and had no idea dinner would come with such a great show today

he turns to the wife, life destroyed by her husband’s betrayal and subsequent death. she’s numb and traumatized and would welcome the same fate in this moment. the king has other plans. he notes her courage and gumption, if misplaced. he says in a different time, under different circumstances, she could perhaps have made a fine knight or some such, so determined is she and willing to face god and fate unblinking. he sentences her to meet her fate head on, in exile, condemning her to the Tentacles.

that’s part one

now what the fuck are the Tentacles, you ask?

Exogensis by Mac Rebisz

so imagine those things aren’t giant jellyfish but instead giant squid. like, planet-sized squid. the world my story takes place on is one of those squid and the planet is called Leviathan

the head/body of the squid is generally safe and habitable, like just imagine Earth more or less. but those tentacles are a mixed bag of hell. overall they retain atmosphere though it’s thinner and less stable so some areas (and without much rhyme or reason) you can asphyxiate or be exposed unknowingly to dangerous levels of radiation (not that anyone in this setting knows what radiation is and they only barely understand the atmosphere thing--they just know that the Tentacles are hell on Leviathan)

but even more dangerous is the fact that these things are just kind of floating out in space, trailing thousands of miles behind the head/body, and every so often they bang into each other. the appendages themselves can take this kind of beating, but anything on the surface--plants, animals, small towns that have popped up in the last couple of decades to a century since the last tentacle-on-tentacle bashing--is obliterated

life on the Tentacles is harsh and dangerous. for someone who has lived her whole life on Leviathan-proper, exile to the Tentacles is likely a death sentence

so part two picks up here and this is where things get really fuzzy for me. i’m not sure what the trajectory of this story is at this point but big picture here are some things i think i know about the world

Leviathan is one of many planets like this--squid shaped in orbit around a star. but there are no other planets immediately around like it. everything else orbiting this star is a spherical planet. this is because Leviathan is part of an ancient exo-planet colonizing entity. iunno if it’s a “man made” intergalactic space ship of sorts or alien species, but this thing exists to travel the universe, find habitable planets, then jettison a tentacle onto that planet before taking off to a new solar system in search of more planets to cultivate

the tentacle grows on that planet into a new leviathan. which then sets out in search of more hospitable planets to propagate the species

i’m not super sure why or how at the moment, but the surface life of these leviathans--plants, animals, people, all of it--is an intricate and indispensable part of this procreation process. which to me points toward it being an ancient alien seed ship, but i’m more intrigued by the idea of some sort of grand and natural symbiotic relationship where this cosmic entity needs the little bits living impossibly short lives on its surface as much as they need it

my heroine likely finds her way to one of these tentacles as it’s about to shoot off toward a habitable planet. i think she might be an Eve figure? like maybe the people are aware something is about to happen with this tentacle so they are making a mass exodus to save themselves but she’s able to find some sort of deep cave with something akin to stasis capsules and convinces these people they need to hop in ‘em. maybe it’s even just a “hey, we definitely aren’t getting away from this in time, death is certain, so let’s try this and hope against everything we know that a miracle happens”

and of course it does. they wake up to a lush new world. maybe even the Leviathan they came from can still be seen in the distance (though they can tell it’s no longer in orbit, it’s further from the sun and seemingly escaping this solar system--how much time has passed? everyone they may have known, that king that had condemned her and even his entire kingdom, is surely gone). she’s continued to dream in this stasis. she’s here to lead these people and try to better establish a history of where they came from and what these leviathans are, what their Leviathan will seek to do

anyway we get to see her working to establish a new society while also still dealing with the events of her past, which still feel very recent to her. i see the dinner with the king, her exile, and the tentacle jettison all taking place in perhaps two month’s time. then she’s in stasis and wakes up perhaps millions of years later feeling like she just lost her husband two months ago. how do you navigate that intense personal experience with the knowledge of how your actions might effect a global and even intergalactic scale

#ok so this definitely helped some things coalesce #i have a better angle i think #and idea of what themes are there #was working under the assumption that this is a three part story before #but I think now it's two parts #with maybe a #to the lighthouse like middle segment that is the stasis dreams #but probably not even #anyway it's #the party and betrayal and exile #followed by dreaming and waking and (re)building

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ii9ir3iri30ri30ir93ir03ir903 · 4 years

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shitty parallel paradise translations ch 101-104

Shitty Parallel Paradise Translation Chapter 101 to Chapter 104

a duwang quality parallel paradise translation transcript draft from chapters 101 to the first few pages of chapter 105. My brother asked me to do it but I really can't put that much effort into something I don't really care. This was sitting on my computer so i thought I'd put it here even if it is half-assed but if this gets enough likes or reblogs or DM's I'll do it more seriously and give the translations to the group who's doing it (or whoever wants to clean this up and typeset this I can give u photoshop if u want). Scans are from rawdevart.com don't go to the other one because that one is full of ads.

notes: I've never read parallel paradise so I don't know how the characters sound. It's a draft so there's lots of brainstorming words and sentences.

Enjoy the duwang. Namazu out.

Chapter 101

The dreaming maidens target is…?

The dreaming maidens spearhead is aiming towards?

I can't stay as a dreaming virgin?

Peko is looking this way like she doesn't want to get along.

Peko!!

You're here aren't you!!

Come out here!

Tch,

Peko's stupid but she's skilled

Accompany him to sandorio

Go together with him until sandorio please.

I think it would be enough with ruumi and amane though

It probably is but…

Even though peco has talent, she's not a guardian/has no guardian (?)

And therefore she doesn’t know the world outside/outside world.

Because of that I would like to use this chance to give her some experience.

About this world's absurdity (不条理）

You can make her carry your stuff (make her a porter?/carrier?)

Please bring her with you

Carry your stuff!?

…alright.

Peko once you're ready we're moving out.

Tch

Argh dammit

I can't take this!/I can't do this

Me as a stuff carrier you say!?/me carrying stuff you say!? This genius me!!

For this ugly guy!!

Yes yes ill do it ill do it I'll get ready!!

It's misaki sama's orders so I'll obey it!

But I definitely won’t listen to this guys orders you hear!1

I can't believe this humiliation/disgrace!!

On second thought, can I refuse/

Please can you do something about it…

Well then we'll be going

Yeah, be careful

You'll overthrow the (deep jealousy god)(?),

And I believe you will erase the (hougetsu) from the humans

Yeah

Where's peco

She's waiting outside

I see, peco's a unicorn huh

Hng

Kia, what happened to your face?

I got kicked by a unicorn. It was a shock.

Even though I've been taking care that much care of it all this time…

Aahhh…

Unicorn's hate non-virgins so…

I put a saddle on a bicorn.

Arai 荒いrough rude wild

Kisei nature

Odoroki

I am surprised that it was this easy to put a saddle on a bicorn despite such wild nature.

Its because Bicorns like non-virgin girls

Yota-dono

Once the battle is over, I want you to definitely come back.

Because you want to copulate?

Because I like you.

I'll come back.

For sure.

This time, il come back to this city…

Is When I've triumphantly return from defeating the (god of deep jealousy ?)

Well, let's go!!

Taa

uWaa!!

Too fast too fast!!

Is it alright if we go this fast!?

If we're going the same as a unicorn it's totally fine!

Okay

Let's set up tent here

Wow we've progressed quite far in one day…

Yes

At this rate It might not even take 7 days to reach sandorio

Peco how about you come here and eat together with us

I'm good

I am the sole luggage carrier here

I very well can't partake/join in with hero-sama and the guardian-dono

I will go and patrol around the edge of the vicinity

Everyone else please go ahead and go to bed before me.

If something happens be sure to call me immediately!

Huuuh?

Don't make fun of me

There's no way I would depend on someone like you ba-ka

It’s dangerous alone!

Don't mind me

I have confidence in my skills so

What the hell is up with her

She was always a strange child but

It seems like she got even more worse during the period we didn't meet.

The human man that she admired turned out to be yota I wonder if she was greatly disillusioned…

Shut up!

Tch

Who was it, who was the one who said lets set up the tent at a place like this!?

Parallel paradise 102

I want to penetrate! A maidens policy!

Fufufuffu huhuhuhuh…

It's one of me vs 9 of them huh

It's definitely not enough you know

Okay that’s 2

From here on it's the debut of my specially made reverse KARU personal knife!

That makes four

Fufufu if I used this then the KARU are like walking tofu!

Nope nope

Your presence is totally not erased so

Okay 7

Now

Theres only you know

What will it be?

Bui-ru

You can go and call your comrades if you want?

Since im here anyways I'll exterminate all the KARU in the area

Geez, misaki-sama too

Whats up with the 'I want to show her the absurdity of this world"

Even though I am so much stronger than it.

For real?

Sorry…

As I thought

The world is wide…

Tch

The probability of hitting its weak point is 1 out of 4…

No good huh!

Don't fuck with me!'

What the hell is this

Just by one punch I cant move my body anymore…

"call me as soon as there's something!"

If I call now,

I wonder if that hero-dono will come and save me…

There was no point in trying that hard to train in martial arts

No matter how much you train the body it'll be the end if you get punched once.

I'll just be used for these guys sexual desires and die…

To think that…

I was this weak

Save me…

Pp chapter 103

Looking down from above, a peeping danger!?

s-save me…

You're late to call

Baka

You okay?

Why did the KARU run away?

I don't know the reason but

For some reason when they hear my voice the KARU run away,

Whats up with that

That kind of thing is cheating right…

Well

That's why when you're with me you won't get attacked by the KARU

As I thought… I hate you…

Men… are too unfair…

even though I couldn't defeat that stupidly big KARU no matter how hard I tried.

You're right

That's not true

Ru-mi -sama

If youta was bad man then I think he would've used his powers for his own self interest

He is the only man in this world after all.

And besides if you copulate with a man you won't die of moon destruction when you turn 20.

Eh?

If those are the circumstances then we definitely can't go against yota.

In exchange for extending your life he could make all the women in this world do whatever he wants

Every single day copulating with lots of women.

I won't do that

That's right, yota won't do those kinds of things

Even though If he wanted to he could've done countless horrible things.

Forget about trying to use us.

He's putting his life fighting to free us from the destroy moon.

It's very fortunate that this world's only man is yota Is what I think.

It was written in a book in sindoria/

That's unusual

Amelia spoke

3000 years ago the man who appeared…

Brought this world into the brink of atrocity

He did as he liked with all woman

And made them into toys to satisfy his urges

Took their value has humans

he left them along the sidewalks

Laugh at their pathetic forms.

And brought a period of treachery.

Akugyaku no kiri wo tsukushita to

See as I thought its good we got yota

Was it truly like that

Even I, if I stay in this world forever that could I also…

So peko

Don’t you have anything to say to the hero-sama that saved you?

So the KARU will just run away when you use your vice,

So just by using your voice you make the KARU run away, pretty nice position you got there that you can experience the glory of a hero so easily like that

You

I hate you even more now.

Lets go and sleep now

Ahh!

What's wrong what's wrong?

The unicorn!!

The unicorn ran away!!

Did you tie it up properly…

I did… tie it up I think…

It might have ran away from the giant karu's howl yesterday

Can this bicorn ride 4 people?

If it's this big then it should be fine, the problem now is…

Peco, try and touch the bicorn

Ehh…

Ouch!

As I thought it would not let a virgin ride it huh///

Yota…

Well… it cant be helped huh.

We can't just leave peco here and we can't just walk either.

Peko take of your underwear and face your ass here

We're copulating

Huh!?

If you're a non-virgin you can ride the bicorn

Hurry up and take it off

If you hate me that much then let's copulate in the agreed way and business like way

Chapter 103

I'll copulate with you

Haa

I'll do it how you want it professionally

Hurry up and take of your underwear and face your ass here

Just with one prick you'll be able to ride a bicorn.

Know your place

(mi no hodo wakimaenasai)

Huh?

(Peco, her only option left is)

If I have to copulate with you then I'd rather die right here right now.

In the first place I didn't have any business anyways, I'lll just go and head home alone.

If I have three days then I can walk back to mi-su so don't mind me please go on ahead without me

I've already learned plenty how wide the world is.

Even if I put in effort its useless

To lose to a man just by way of him existing is

No matter what dangers I face, it's better than procreating with a man who feels like a hero just for existing.

You know what peco

Then why is your pleasure fountain overflowing?

Eh!?

I get it peco…

We also walked the same path so…

You're getting excited imagining opulating with yota right?

You're wro-!

You should just give up

I know you know?

That peco draws lots of naked

Wai-!?

Why!?

It's famous.

That there are lots of pictures of naked men hanging in the room

Didn't you know?

You're interested in men aren't you

It can't be helped

It's alright

I'm sure it's the same for everyone so

It's not something to be ashamed about

You'll get it if you copulate with yota

To be honest

I am interested about copulating

But…

I thought that men would be more beautiful but…

But… this…

For them to be this rugged and bony and an ugly being like this is…

Give it back…

Give back the beautiful men that I imagined

Give it back…

I've been denied whole heartedly while in tears

If you really don't want it, it can't be helped but…

If you have even a little bit of interest in copulating then please

I don't want to leave you here all alone.

At least…

Inside the tent please…

Oh my oh my

Hurry up and get it over with it already

If you look at her closely even though she's cute what an amazing smell

Well it's not like she's taken a bath yet

Even though you look like you really hate it your pleasure fountains bursting you know

Even though I haven't even touched you yet you're already really excited aren't you

Shut up!

What is this what is this?

Good it's come out already the non-virgin mark

With this it's settled then

Let's ride the bicorn and head off to sandorio.

But… if you want to apologise for all the rude things you did regarding me then I’ll continue copulating with you (?)

What will you do

She said lots of conceited things already…

Let's mess with her a little

Will she fall

Or perhaps she'll endure it

Tears

Eh!?

Hero-sama

Hero sama…

For not knowing my place and all the incalculable rudeness

I am sincerely very sorry

Oh Please bless this wretched pervert with copulation…

You didn't have to fall that far!

What's with you

Kuaah

I… I'm a pervert who loves men!

Always!

I'm a pervert who always imagines copulating with men!!

I didn't know!

That men were such strong beings like this!!

It's totally different

Than women!!

Thank you

Huh?

It's not something you have to say thanks for

Yesterday

For saving me

Aahh

105

Even with for people riding it this bicorn seems to be totally fine

Yeah! Because it's this big!

Before,

They say the humans of this world came out from that castle right

Yeah

Everyone was born in the castle and leaves the castle to start living in their own cities/towns

You leave the castle between when you become old enough to be self-aware or not so there are only hazy memories.

In this world without men, girls being born from a castle…

If you think about how it is, inside that castle it's like there's something pretty nasty about it inside…

Who on earth lives in the castle

The empress

Nobody has seen her face though

The empress has already lived for thousands of hears and protects this country

Eh?

Isn't that?

Could it possibly the witch?

But here,

Whether you can say bad things about the ruler of this land…

Well then let's head off

What a creepy forest

The shortest course would be through here right

We can't go fast here so it's also an opportunity to let the bircorn rest.

Please save me!

Uwah!

Kobold

What are these guys?

Kobold loves young girls and metal

They're aiming for our weapons

Peco?

Small fry…

As expected her martial arts is ruthless/can’t be excused

Are you alright?

b-big sister thank you…

It was scary…

She has an unexpectedly kind face huh

Everything is alright now

Peco had a little sister

They were killed though

Hey ru-mi sama

I want to take this child all the way to the city

That's impossible

Why?

I mean that child can't ride a bicorn right?

Wai-!

You planning on copulating with a child this young!?

I wasn’t!

Oh alright!! Then I'll walk and drop her home to the city myself!!

You guys can go on ahead first!

Like I said it's impossible peco

You definitely can't walk in the outside world alone.

LUMI=sama…

Aren’t you underestimating me a bit too much?

Just because I was saved once yesterday…

It's alright

There's an easy solution so

Eh?

Amane

I feel a bit sorry for them but this way it's settle

Let's hurry and move on

Peco look closely!

That childs a ghoul

Ghouls turn into people to let their guards down and then attack and eat them

Even if you cut of their arms and legs they’ll regenerate but their stomach is their weak point.

I'm sure it teamed up with the Cobolt to attack people.

The Cobolt for the metal and the ghoul for the human meat

How di did you know?

Ghouls have a special smell

The smell of human corpses

The ghoul made you let your guard down So I apologise I ended up saying it in such a roundabout way

But with this you understand now right?

I understand you have confidence in your martial arts but you can't walk the worlds outside of the city with just that.

I think that's why misaki wanted you gain experience.

See, look peco

Aren’t you glad you didn't have to go back to mi-su alone?

If you didn't mate with me you would've been dead by now.

Shut up

Why don’t you go die instead!!

Die you!!

Pp 106

The weather has been fine all the way…

At this rate we should already be arriving at sondorio!!

Just a bit ore nishina…

I defeated garia and I obtained the card that will free you from the cold sleep./ that will release the cold sleep

Once I get to sandorio I'll awaken nishina…

And then…

What on earth happened to her,

Why did she become the "wtich of deep jealousy"

Everything that I don’t know I'll hear from her!

It's sandoria!

Eh?

What's the matter amane?

What the? It's/something burning?

You're wrong

It's a beacon/signal fire right?

Does that mean something happened in sandoria?

What, is that…?

That’s…

What on earth happened?

We haven't met in the while huh

Kaduchi

Banyuu

Nakuta sama… what on earth does this mean?

It's proof of my resoution

#parallel paradise #parallel paradise translation #my translations

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elizabethleslie7654 · 5 years

Text

PissEarth, 2025

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Originally published on The American Sun by John Chapman on December 16, 2018.

““If much in the world were mystery the limits of that world were not, for it was without measure or bound and there were contained within it creatures more horrible yet and men of other colors and beings which no man has looked upon and yet not alien none of it more than were their own hearts alien in them, whatever wilderness contained there and whatever beasts.”

– Cormac McCarthy, “Blood Meridian, or the Evening Redness in the West”

“ＢＯＲＮＴＯＤＩＥ WORLD IS A FUCK 鬼神 Kill Em All 1989 I am trash man 410,757,864,530 DEAD COPS”

PissEarth, 2025

It is cliche at this point to speak of how horrified you are at the detritus of our postmodern world. There is, of course, a certain kind of thrill in digging beneath the pallid white corpses of decency to see what strange and mutated life is writhing beneath, just so you can scoop it up and toss it in the faces of your friends. However, it has become rote and formulaic to look at just another story of neoliberal capitalism functioning in its just-as-planned absurdity and pull out the clown horn to signal to your friends how far we’ve fallen and how far left there is to get to hell. Our receptors for rage-flavored dopamine need something more, our haterade must be topped off. So I come to you as a prophet and I offer you a vision of the world to come.

I offer you, PissEarth, 2025.

When one hears the name PissEarth, it may conjure up images of ammonia-scented oceans of fetid yellow water, ebbing and flowing in tide under a bloodmoon in a night-sky bereft of stars, while little islands of human refuse taper across like logs of flotsam and jetsam. The spirituality of such a world is not that far off. The seers who are blind know that they were blessed to have lost their sight. You, too, may find yourself in such a state, like Oedipus staring wistfully at the golden pins after his terrible, horrible, no-good very bad lunch date with the shepherd. Like Oedipus, you’re all tainted motherfuckers.

You must understand, I do not tell you these things to hurt you, but to warn you that this new world wants to hurt you. It will. Oh, believe me it will. PissEarth, 2025 is accelerated humanity, and there is no more room for obsolescent units that think in terms of the abolished humanity. They will not return you for store credit or sit you up in Dorothy McGillicuddy’s Home for Antiques. Anything less than total depravity of your spirit, dispossession of your body, and annihilation of your mind would be a mercy. I say ‘you’ because if ‘you’ are still reading this past the first 150 words, then you are already a member of the abolished.

Everything you hate, everything you fear, everything that disgusts you inside, all of that will come quite naturally to PissEarth, 2025. A totalistic reality wholly assumed with no history. What you see now as the “slippery slope” will simply be the waterslide into a community piss-pool everyone will be baptized in. You will never gawk, never sigh and point at just how far we’ve come. You’ll be amazed at the efficiency of it all when it whittles down the Buddha’s Four Noble Truths down to just the very First one.

“I teach suffering.”

– some Indian who sat under a tree

Let us be clear. There is Clown World, and there is PissEarth. When we speak of Clown World, we speak of the contradictions and absurdities that the present culture and political order are built on. We speak of a president who is able to shoot impotent missiles at a country his own citizens can’t find on a map but who is powerless to stop a caravan of admixtured Aztecs wearing the hand-me-downs that Fat Bob of Fat Bob’s T-Shirt Emporium wasn’t able to sell. We speak of the nation grounding to a halt over whether or not little girls should be exposed to the Halloween parade hopped up on homemade HRT hobbling into their bathrooms. We speak of dozens of men who have lost gainful employment for making OKAY signs in photos because the Morris Dees newsletter fell for a prank from mischievous, anonymous frogs.

When we speak of these clownish things, we speak with a feeling that dragging these things into the light and exposing them for all the world to see will allow the light to shine in and obliterate the vampires with its cleansing sunbeams. These are all flashpoints in the broad and all-encompassing culture war that the West has found itself embroiled in, with each day yielding a brand new skirmish to deploy for, though the war is already lost. When we speak of Clown World, we speak of trying to find a way to shoo out the clowns.

PissEarth is different. PissEarth is the surrender. PissEarth is the occupation. PissEarth is the Morgenthau Plan for your shattered psyche. PissEarth is the moment this has all been building up to. Clown World ain’t nothing on PissEarth, 2025, the real Greatest Show on Earth.

WORLD IS A FUCK

“Get on with it,” I hear you (and the editor) say, “You’ve talked enough, like you’re trying to warn us from hearing out your vision, like no matter how awful it is we aren’t going to look anyway. Just put me in the hurt-box, please. Just show me what sights there are to behold.”

Very well. Behold, PissEarth, 2025.

Behold PissEarth, where the tech-giants have spread their privatized favelas far-and-wide, where debt-ridden PhDs hustle from gig-to-gig, chasing bounties that allow you to snitch on anyone insufficiently committed to diversity. It will become a game all unto its own, with high scores for ‘scalps’ that were claimed, no matter how absurd the bounties one gets. The dopamine must flow.

Behold PissEarth, where you celebrate your abortion from a mail-order kit as you make a public pledge to reduce your carbon footprint by remaining childless while Nuevo Americano rides a river of trash into your welcoming arms. Adopting enormous underprivileged families becomes the norm as a form of public atonement, and their weak-chinned fathers beam with pride and joy that their daughters are doing such a public service to the world.

Behold PissEarth, where pornographers have the social capital to demand and force aggressive men to watch pornography lest their employment and finances are endangered, mocking them for the damage it does at the same time. A thousand smirking social climbers, all in unison saying “have a fap, you’ll feel better” as their malice goes unchecked.

Behold PissEarth, where procreation is a quaint novelty–every boy a girl, every girl a boy, belonging to everyone and no one, in beautiful rainbow shades of light brown to dark brown, as even the socially ostracized will respect the pronoun and they will suck the feminine penis. Then real communism can finally be tried.

Behold PissEarth, where war is abolished but skirmishes are constant and daily with little purpose to them other than the grim remains of human resistance or simple lashings of animal rage. No one is happy, but at last they are free. A friendly notification pops up in your latest smart-device, warning you of which roads to avoid for threat of most recent self-contained riot.

Behold PissEarth, with such technological wonders like the IUD that filters the microplastics out of your dick, “air purifiers” in place of trees, and artisanal soylent green but it’s from free-range, cruelty-free cockroaches. Status vloggers chase clicks by dumping half their paycheck to eat dressed up prole food made for them by a group of queer hijabis who receive their funding from a nearby corporation.

Behold PissEarth, where the purpose of a lifetime of labor is to fund research into how corpulent immovable masses of flesh can have better and more revolutionary forms of sex. The research and test subjects themselves become their own programming, another screen to pass the time in your shrinking apartment.

Behold PissEarth, where every neurosis has become a fetish to be enacted in order to attain collective cummies, to be taught in schools, and to be talked about incessantly on perpetual content devices. While the fear of pedophiles will always remain as a release vale for anger, its normalization will be so thorough that vigilantism against it is arbitrary.

Behold PissEarth, where the President will be a figurehead American idol, sworn-in on a human resources manual as they pledge to do their utmost to continue the pursuit of equality before a million teeming masses yearning to breathe at all in the crowd so that they can snap selfies for their social credit score. Though the president will be known as a figurehead, and though everyone will acknowledge that tech corporations have all the power, everyone still states solemnly the importance of a hallowed or is it hollowed democratic institution.

Behold PissEarth, where the gods of the new world are men disfigured into chimeras made from the new sacred rituals and paraded out in victory for their ascendance. Where children are made to be their wards by loving and approving parents. The parents will allow their children to be “babysat” by these creatures, in order that values of acceptance be inculcated at an early age.

Behold PissEarth, where any intellectual curiosity beyond the new and revised canon will be immediately suspect, where not having a strong opinion on the most current pop culture multimedia franchise will mark you with a big red flag on your social credit score, where you will never be able to escape the perpetual content stream as the algorithms pioneered by Netflix find a way to be lodged inside your brain like some kind of mind-control slug slithering its way inside. Your future has been written by media mathematics.

Behold PissEarth, where your experience with nature is a virtual reality simulation that you share with the few people online that you’ve been able to light any embers of a human connection with. Though the simulation glitches and shimmers in an unnatural way, you cling to this image because that little voice in the back of your head fears what you will do if you lose even this little bit of hope’s simulacrum.

I can hear you protest that this is already happening. Yes, the sprouts have sprung but they have not yet bloomed. Only when you have accepted all of these things as assumed and normal, when instead of being complacent your friends and family applaud it will you truly understand the reality of PissEarth, 2025. There will be no more pieces to point and gawk and decry that the world has gone mad. It will all be as staid as the abolished Sunday dinner.

This is what you must understand about the reality of PissEarth, 2025. Everything you joke about is assumed. Everything you satirize is simple reality. Whatever protests you think you’ll register against it simply won’t exist. You’ll keep your head down and just try to get through this life if you have any thoughts of rebellion, because you saw what Clown World did to the ones before you. You saw what it did to your friends, your family, and your brothers. You have accepted that you are but a drop of wine in the entire piss-bucket.

Technology will improve, but your quality of life will not. Materially it will not. Spiritually it will not. Every force that champions this great progress being made will be actively trying harm you every which way in totalistic system if there is any sense that you are not on board or there was a point you were never on board.

If you truly wish to understand PissEarth, 2025 on an intellectual level beyond the confetti-and-glitterbomb sermon I’ve laid out, then you must understand the nature of post-totalitarian ideology. Vaclav Havel lays out many of these concepts in his work The Power of the Powerless but elucidates the nature of PissEarth quite well in his concept of the greengrocer:

“{9} The post-totalitarian system touches people at every step, but it does so with its ideological gloves on. This is why life in the system is so thoroughly permeated with hypocrisy and lies: government by bureaucracy is called popular government; the working class is enslaved in the name of the working class; … Because the regime is captive to its own lies, it must falsify everything. It falsifies the past. It falsifies the present, and it falsifies the future. It falsifies statistics. …

{10} Individuals need not believe all these mystifications, but they must behave as though they did, or they must at least tolerate them in silence, or get along well with those who work with them. For this reason, however, they must live within a lie. They need not accept the lie. It is enough for them to have accepted their life with it and in it. For by this very fact, individuals confirm the system, fulfill the system, make the system, are the system. . . . .”

The difference between Havel’s greengrocer and the PissEarth denizen is that the people of the former are a people trained to avoid negative stimuli while the latter have learned to love the negative stimuli. They embrace it as a mission, as a religious calling, and like Andres Serrano’s Piss Christ they will strike their own perverted Christlike pose and submerge themselves wholly into these bodily fluids. They will immerse themselves and baptize themselves into a world they will lovingly embrace despite every dissonant thought, despite every horrible incident, and despite every pain that’s inflicted on them. They will hate you if you try to pull them out of it.

This is the totalistic reality of PissEarth, 2025.

Okay, Yeah, That Sounds Pretty Awful. How Do I Escape From PissEarth?

You don’t. You don’t escape PissEarth. You fight. You struggle. You take your Boomer father’s yacht that he spent your inheritance on and like Johansen you ram that shit as far into Cthulhu’s sleepy eye as you possibly can. Regardless of how it all ends. You delegitimize the system. You take everything you possibly can get from it and you rob it blind any way you can. Legally of course through any clever loophole you can find, because (taps NSA microphone) we’re good upright citizens who don’t commit any crimes and disavow any and all illegal activity.

Some seek a much more simple way to terminate this endless suffering. Listening to the wisdom of the modern nomads, they have joined the caldera deathcult and pray earnestly five times a day in the direction of Yellowstone for one final eruption to scald away our modern sins. Along this same vein, even the insects in people suits who work unpaid overtime to bring about PissEarth, 2025 stare hopefully up at the stars, not to explore them but to pull down a meteor and simply end it all. Personally, I’m pulling for a nice little grey goo scenario, an experiment of the Han Empire run amok that engulfs, smothers, and consumes the entire world. These are understandable expressions. The trashworld citizen, who knows the world for what it is, who often sat in silence like a totemic mystic once intoned “we are fucking up shit that cannot be easily unfucked“. It’s the bleak reality of a grim future, so why not end it all with a pithy “gg, everybody”.

I have another vision though. A hypnopompic one not as clear, like a dream that fades in the morning but you retain some inkling of it as you go about your day-to-day life. When I meditate I can almost see it within my mind’s eye.

I can see that even in a world lit up in gasoline-doused fires, where pain is maximal, there are men who have learned to love life so much that they will defend the last dignified patch of wood with their very lives, and not a care for how little it all means. I can still see little babies being born and suckling at their mother’s breasts in the dark of night as plastic meteors go down over the lonely mountains. I can see bands of foolhardy boys laugh about the stories they’ve heard, when technological demons once roamed the earth. I can see cold, bitter days made just a bit less uncomfortable by a fire that people learned to light by their grandfathers and great-uncles.

It must be made clear that these green dreams are not premonitions, only some slumbering notions of a better future after the inevitable long dark. Extinction is always on the table, always a possibility, and that wave of existential terror thunders inside like a beating heart in every action.

Short of a miraculous consciousness simultaneously sweeping across the great swaths of the abolished humanity, you will not stop PissEarth. It lumbers and slouches toward us, consuming everything it sees with the moral imperative of a brimstone preacher. To fight against PissEarth will be to engage in the inner jihad, to always be at war with one’s self and the world as the wars of PissEarth, 2025 are maximal wars. The forever wars.

We are not the middle children of history. We are the abandoned children of history, set down in the bulrushes of a river so polluted that it’s being set on fire. Like the Cuyahoga, I don’t know if this one has any chance of being fixed in time to undo any of the damage. Humanity has been abolished and PissEarth is rolling out the recall. You might call this bleak, you might call this depressing, but the facts are the facts and it has become clear there are two types of people in the modern world and there will only ever be these two types of people. Those who want to live and those who want to die. Those who want to die, who have given up on life, are the denizens of PissEarth, whose own lives are simulacrum broadcast back to them by malevolent entities charging them for the privilege. Those who want to live will, to a man and woman, be banished to the outer dark and be made to fend for themselves against every hostile entity, their own just desserts for rejecting the Superior Future.

Do you love life? Do you want life for your descendants? Do you want any hope against just how bad things are going to be? Then you better learn to swim in a burning river, my man, because what else are you going to do?

MY FAVORITE ACCESSORIES

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#IFTTT #LIZ FASHION FEED

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platsy · 7 years

Text

Trolls

(Angry) This is something I’ve been meaning to write down for a very long time, but I couldn’t quite write everything down for some reason. But I believe I have it down now. There are very few movies that I hate. Honestly, the films that I’ve reviewed on this show don’t even make me that angry. I like to view each bad film as a learning experience for people who want to tell their own stories. Extract the things that work or could use a little touching up, explain where the film fails, and then thank the film for offering something to art. But then are movies like Trolls. At first glance, this film seems like another film that your kids will sing-along to for some months before you finally grab the belt and start wailing away at the children until the only thing that comes out of their mouths is sharp exhales whenever you open your mouth to say literally anything, because they’re so scarred and broken from the beating that anything that comes out of your diseased brain will likely make them jump in fright. Anyway, if you actually take the time to sit down and analyze the film, because when a film’s message is to find happiness perhaps that’s an invitation for people to look at it, you’ll find that the film’s quickly slapped on message is a little more flawed, and a little more dangerous. Kind of like you... you monster. So, Trolls is a film... unfortunately. And it’s one that comes to us from Dreamworks animation. The same guys who brought us How To Train Your Dragon 1&2 and Kung-Fu Panda 1&2. 3 is fine but it’s meh compared to the first two. These were the finest films that Dreamworks has created, and they’re some of my favorite movies of all time. Really, these movies are so good, that thinking about them inspires me. I love the characters, I love the emotional sincerity, I love the animation, I love every single last bit that these movies have to offer. Then I take a few steps back and look at Dreamworks as a whole. Dreamworks is a studio born of spite and anger towards Disney. As a result of that, we got such films such as Antz, made to deliberately screw over Pixar’s A Bug’s Life, and Shrek, a movie that tears apart Disney’s various tropes about its fairytale movies. And then Disney started doing that itself. Oh, no, don’t worry, it’s totally not distracting, you keep breaking your own immersion just to point out that this is not the typical Disney princess movie. What, no, it’s totally within these characters to point these things out, just shut up and get on with the film! And now, I feel either a coincidence or a reaction from Dreamworks about Pixar’s Inside Out. “Hey, their film about colorful small creatures that has themes of emotions and the importance of them did really well, I bet that we can do that too! I want it done in seven months.” Only, with Trolls, Dreamwork’s avaricious tendencies kicked in, and they thought it best to cast pop stars and have most of the film’s soundtrack be tired songs from recent memory that are boring and uninspired at best and insulting at worst. You’re going to notice a lot of comparisons to Inside Out here, because Inside Out and trolls are very similar. Tiny, colorful creatures going on an adventure to rescue something important, and learning a thing or two about emotions. I’m taking a stand against these kinds of movies. Those that decide to make a playlist of songs that were popular for a time and crafts an uninspired movie around it in order to make bank on the soundtrack. They’re selling you things that you already have and could easily make yourself. I do not need five covers of the same song. I don’t need to hear a song I had gotten tired of over and over again. Plot! Trolls escape giant creatures called Bergens. They live their lives in peace and banal harmony for some twenty years until the princess, Poppy voiced by Anna Kendrick of Pitch Perfect fame (because kids totally watched and understood the humor in that movie), throws a big party to celebrate escaping the bergens all those years ago, and then ironically and conveniently gets her closest friends taken to get eaten. And then I was half tempted to leave the theater and not know how the film ended, because I didn’t care about her friends because all I got was this out of them. *farting sprinkles* *dated lingo* *insufferable dialogue* *annoyance* Also as a side note, when Poppy says, “Will you go to Bergentown and help me save everyone?” There was only six trolls that were taken, and several hundred Trolls left, but then later on all the Trolls were taken to be eaten, so I think that while writing the early drafts of the story, the writers opted not to write another draft, they just went back over the previous draft and made slight edits here and there to save on time because when the main gimmick of your film is appealing to a crowd of screaming children by using dated lingo and beating dead horses until your arms give out from exhaustion, time is of the essence because you only have a very limited time to capitalize on the success of others instead of thinking about making your own songs, you’re not Disney and no matter how hard you try, you’re not going to beat Disney, you’re a joke! So, some dated, overrated songs later, we get to the climax of the film which involves the Trolls explaining that they can be happy without eating Trolls. And then they don't adequately explain how the Bergens can be happy or how they even know the neurological properties of a Bergen’s head. Instead, they sing a song that had already been drawn into the street and publically humiliated and then forgotten about. It’s obvious, but the main message is to be happy. Plain and simple, really. However, let’s talk about sadness. What’s the purpose of sadness? Well, despite what you might think and what society explicitly tells us, sadness isn’t just something that happens to us whenever something unpleasant happens to us. Twentieth century compulsory happiness is pretty much trying to drive sadness out of everybody’s heads. As Dr. Heidi Lepper explains in her article, “Sadness Serves a Purpose” quote, “Like all emotions, it is believed that sadness evolved because of its adaptive value, something about it served us well long ago, and we can use that knowledge now to help us cope with it in ourselves and within others.” Unquote. We use sadness in order to slow ourselves down and examine whatever is making us sad in order to deal with the problem. What Trolls tells us is that sadness hinders us. You might think that I’m a terrible villain who wants nothing but sadness and depressing art from films, however, I thoroughly believe that not every movie should be artful and inspired. I have plenty of films that I like despite the fact that they’re nothing movies. “Cloverfield” “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” “Pacific Rim”. And you can also use the age old argument that you throw at people who complain about children’s media, “It’s just a kids film, quit taking it so seriously.” Here’s the thing. When we talk about kids, the next generation of people, they deserve something better than a loud, colorful film that shouts at them constantly. Children deserve better media. They’re the ones who will run the world once we’re all dead and buried. You really want them to take these memories with them? *YouTube kids* *Teen Titans GO* We need quality content for kids. They deserve better. We can’t keep making this garbage for a profit. Our future will lie in the hands of these people. And I’m not saying that every single bit of children’s entertainment should be artful and inspiring. We do need some silly, goofy humor. There needs to be some breathers in between all the heavy stuff. We as human beings can’t handle that kind of stress all the time. But quite frankly, there needs to be more serious stuff for kids out there. Why can’t there be more mainstream kids movies out there that make the kid feel something other than happy? We have other emotions for specific purposes. Pushing them out in favor of happiness is dangerous. Trolls even accidentally contradicts itself. It shows unhappiness as a bad thing, but in the climax of the movie, when all the trolls lose their colors, Branch is inspired to help all of them. That was Branch using sadness in order to make them all willing to try and escape. Which was the message that Inside Out had. Of all the problems that the current generation has, compulsory happiness is certainly one of them. We push out anything that’s sad out of our heads, we purposely avoid negative art because that would make us be negative, and we even make sure that people who are sad are happy when they really need to be sad. They need that sadness in order to figure out where things are going wrong. Our negative emotions have purposes. Fear keeps us safe, anger makes us aware of the unfair things about the world, without lust then we wouldn’t be able to procreate and give children, suspiciousness makes us aware of shifty people, etc etc. The line that makes me the angriest is a line from the Russell Brand character. He says, “Some people just don’t want to be happy.” No no no no no no no no no, and f**k you. There are several factors that influence unhappiness, such as an unfair system, see happiness industry, mental problems that stop the flow of certain hormones, physical and mental abuse, I could go on but I need to make a point. There is not a single person on this planet that chooses to be unhappy. There are those who have a bad attitude, but that is never a choice they have a choice in. Something made them make those choices, they are not unhappy simply because they want to be. That line also implies that people who are unhappy have something wrong with them. There are some that really do have something wrong with them, but those who don’t suffer from anything serious, they believe that sadness is something to be avoided at all cost, not realizing the purpose of it, because they won’t let it do its job right. As I said, there are lot of factors that influence unhappiness, it’s not because people hate everything and choose to be unhappy. We all find happiness in different ways. Just because somebody doesn’t like what you like, it doesn’t make them unhappy. Also, what about that little kid who feels sad all the time. He doesn’t quite know why, but that’s something that he needs to deal with. Imagine him seeing this movie and being hurt and confused when the movie tells him to be something he can’t be. But the bottom line here is that life is hard. Life is really hard. Films like these aren’t going to help with that. They’re going to paint life as a happy skip and hop. There may be some adversity, but if you always keep a smile on and March through the hard times, then life will be just peachy. What about the times when being happy didn’t work for you? Nobody goes through life completely happy. Everybody has their trials. But kids wouldn’t know that, because they weren’t adequately prepared for that. A little sadness here and there is not inherently bad. It really isn’t. It’s how you handle it that might be the problem. I truly hate Trolls. It stands against everything I’ve stood for in the past three years, and it’s a garbage fire in all other respects. There hasn’t been any other film that has made me this angry. Die in a fire. I’m All of the Above, thanks for reading.

#trolls #happiness #filmcritic #film review #dreamworks #sadness

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