#anyways I still have a migraine so I did this instead of drawing lmao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

noxiim · 7 years

Note

Oh my... You're making me blush >\\\

I’ve had one for almost the last two weeks on and off, I drink water, eat well, take medicine as needed, but they don’t just let up. The rest of the year my head is manageable, but it’s hell during the summer. D: Part of me wants to say it because it’s the summer and the weather is brutal, another part of me just doesn’t know why. Besides that, I’m kicking ass in my summer class, but I’m still super stressed about it as the high anxiety person I am :))))) Like my first exam I got a 91 then my second one I got a perfect, so I’m doing well in the course, but I’m nervous that I’m going to get too confident and slip up and and and just bomb the next exam. It’s really bad D: what makes this even worse is that it’s a 6 week course M-F for 75 minutes everyday, basically a whole semester class that normally takes three months is crammed into 6 weeks. It’s really high paced, its been three weeks already and we’ve learned 8 chapters… There’s one more chapter left on Monday before we have an exam on Tuesday, then chapters 10 and 11 to learn which will be tested in addition to a cumulative final. I’m shocked I’m keeping up and doing so well, I took this class last semester and ended up dropping it because of how bad I did, and now taking it with a different teacher I’m doing much better. I hope it goes well! Anyway, how have you been doing? watermark anon

Aw man I really hope that the headaches/migranes ease up on you soon! That sounds like such a pain to deal with omg ;o; I’m so proud of you for doing so well in your summer class!!! 💕💕💕 91 and a perfect score holy shit can u teach me how to study because my finals are next week and instead I’m procrastinating by suddenly drawing a lot more frequently (same thing happened last time with midterms lmao) I’m sure you’ll do fine for the rest of your exams! As long as you keep to the pace that you’ve set you should be all good, you can do it!!! *vigorously cheerleads in support of you achieving them academic goals* I reckon getting and staying in the groove of things is the best way to maintain good study habits but I’m finding it a little difficult because I have bad studying habits and I’m finding it kinda hard to break them haha, I’ll hopefully get there soon tho! As for me, there isn’t really much going on other than finals which start next week 😱 I’ve got a chemistry exam on the 15th, population health on the 16th, biosci 107 on the 19th and biosci 101 on the 22nd! Once I get these finals done with I’ll have a month long break and I can draw so much omg I’m gonna have such a good time~ I have so many unfinished wips at the moment, but the thing that I’m really looking forward to is being able to sleep in instead of rolling out of bed at 6am haha

#9am labs are honestly the bane of my existence because that meant I had to wake up at 6 and go through a 3 hour lab and 4 lectures #and then get home at 8 #I'm just looking forward to semester break #I can't believe that half of the year has just gone by so quickly oml #watermark anon #asks

6 notes · View notes

fandammit · 7 years

Note

for the 100 meme - sinclair

A/N: I know that this is very Raven centric, but it’s all told from Sinclair’s perspective, so I guess it counts? I just have a different Raven & Sinclair planned that’s set during S2/3 time jump.

The 100 Meme: Eight characters [1/8] - Jacapo Sinclair (aka 2400 words on Raven and Sinclair’s backstory lmao I’m ridiculous)

“I added extra garlic in your soup.” He gestures over to the tidily packed leftovers on the kitchen counter. “The bread will probably go bad in another two days, so don’t wait too long to eat it.”

Normally, he wouldn’t say anything - just hand her the food with a small, sardonic smile and be grateful that she actually takes it. It’s taken nearly three years of weekly dinners with him and Liona for Raven to accept the small bit of help that he knows she needs.

Early on, she’d flat out refused to take any food home with her. He gathered that she was smart enough to realize that Liona’s dinner invite to their shared favorite student was partially because they both really did enjoy having her in class, and partially an attempt to make sure she was getting enough food. In addition to a brilliant mind, Raven also has an almost pathological inability to accept help of any kind. Which meant he had spent week after week coming up excuses for why she needed to take food home - Liona had made too much, she was the only one who could stomach the amount of basil he’d ‘accidentally’ tossed into the soup, their protein ration would go bad in the next day.

After weeks of crafting increasingly outrageous reasons for why she needed to take the leftovers home with her, Raven had finally stopped him one night midway through a fabricated story involving a ration mix-up and a failed experiment in the kitchen.

“As much as I like hearing about the weekly adventures of the Sinclairs attempting to cook dinner, I’ll just take the food and nix storytime.”

She’d said it with one eyebrow cocked, sarcasm dripping off of every word. But he’d known her well enough by then to hear the sincere look of thanks in her eyes.

She had taken the food and, in a surprising bit of affection, given Liona a hug before hurrying out of their home.

He remembers turning to Liona then, arms crossed in front of him, a rare smile stretched across his features.

“Guess she got tired of hearing my stories.”

Liona had snorted, then shook her head at him and patted him fondly on the cheek.

“I think she just finally believes that we aren’t going anywhere.”

Tonight, though, he points out the food to her - partially as an inside joke, partially because she’s so distracted that he’s afraid she’ll leave without it.

She looks up from the dinner table and nods at him, a faraway look in her eyes that he swears looks almost guilty, tinged with something that he can’t quite place. He frowns.

“Raven,” he says, and he can see her start at the sound of her first name. These days he makes sure to call her by her last name, same as anyone else on the team - as if doing so will make everyone forget that he had all but handpicked her for the Zero G program about five minutes after she stepped into his apprenticeship class, that he’d had to fight four different levels of bureaucracy to get her certified.

She looks at him and - there it is again - that look of guilt. Something else, too, that gives him reason to pause for a moment. He tries to get a better look at the expression on her face but she ducks her head back down quickly.

If he didn’t know better, he’d swear it was fear.

He draws his brows together. He’s seen ten different shades of Raven’s anger, witnessed her frustration, very rarely recognized anxiety. But he cannot recall a signal instance of fear - not when it became clear she’d have to move out on her own, or when she first stepped out into zero g. Not even when Finn got put into lockup. For every moment that others might show fear, Raven Reyes had only gritted her teeth together and moved forward with grim determination.

He can tell that she’s been distracted this past week. And, unfortunately, despite working together, the only dedicated one on one time he ever gets to spend with Raven are at these weekly dinners. This next week, especially, he knows he won’t even be in the engineering quarter, but will instead be monitoring the status of the 100 from Earth Monitoring.

So he leans in and gives her a questioning look.

“Is everything ok?” He tilts his head down to try and catch her eye.“You’ve just been pretty distracted these past few days.”

She bites her lip and just stares at him, seeming to consider something that’s just beyond his grasp.

Finally, she shakes her head as though clearing it, then turns a corner of her lip up.

“I don’t think I’ve ever said it, but I - I hope you’ve always known that - .” She stops abruptly and looks down, tracing the worn patterns in their hand-me-down kitchen table. She clears her throat and looks back up at him. “I’ve really appreciated everything you and Liona have done for me these last few years.” She scratches the tabletop, suddenly unable to meet his eye. “You took care of me.” She glances over at the food on the kitchen counter and smiles. “Even when I didn’t think I needed it.”

He waits for her to glance up at him before he nods.

“We’ve always known, Raven.” He hesitates for a moment, then lays a hand on her shoulder. He’s never been a particularly affectionate person - that’s more of Liona’s purview - but something in Raven’s expression makes him think she might need it right now. “Wanna talk about what’s been on your mind?”

She gives him a long look before she shrugs and looks away.

“You know, I just haven’t been able to see Finn these last few days, so it makes me moody.” He manages - just barely - not to wince at the boy’s name. It had been his suggestion to put Finn on the list of the 100 - a genuine, last ditch attempt to save the life of the boy that Raven loved; still, he can’t but feel guilty when faced now with the direct consequences of his choice. “And,” she continues, a bit more expressive than she’s been all night, “Liona’s soup was really good tonight, so I thought I should stop being an asshole for a moment and actually thank you both for putting up with me.”

He tips his head up and studies her expression. He wishes that Liona hadn’t gone to bed early with a migraine - he’s almost certain she could get Raven to talk about what’s obviously on her mind. He’s always been less inclined to push than she is, so instead he just lets out a long breath and smiles.

“I’ll let her know.”

Raven nods and pushes herself back from the table, then walks over and lifts the bag of food from the countertop. She glances over at him - a still, inscrutable look that worries him for a reason he can’t quite place - then shrugs her jacket on. She turns towards the door but stops halfway and whips back around to face him.

“Give her my love, ok? And just - .” She blows out a shaky breath and shakes her head, then walks quickly over to him and throws her arms around him. “Thank you, Sinclair,” she says, and he finally get over his shock enough to wrap his arms back around her. She drops her head against his shoulder and sighs. “You believe in me?” And it must the fact that the words are muffled by his shoulder that it comes out in present tense, more a question than a statement. But he knows what she means, anyway. He squeezes her shoulders before stepping away from her. “I’ve always believed in you, Raven.”

She nods, then smiles at him, a teasing glint to it.

“A little self serving, don’t you think? After all, I learned basically everything I know from you.”

He grins at her.

“Who better to learn from?”

Her smile softens, and she reaches out to give him one last hug.

“Don’t forget that, ok?”

Before he has time to puzzle through her question or her sudden bout of physical affection, she turns and very quickly walks out of their home.

He stares at the closed door and shakes his head, resolves to be a little more persistent at what’s bothering her at the next weekly dinner.

But of course there is no next weekly dinner.

Abby walks into Earth Monitoring Station, her eyes immediately moving up to the widescreen at the front of the open bay. He tracks her movements, sees the way she rubs the marks on her wrist before resting her hands on Jake’s ring at her neck. Some part of him knows that she only did what she thought was right, that she had meant to go with Raven, that she truly believes what she did will work.

But the part that’s closer to the surface, that’s rising up in a roaring wave of anger and agony can only think this: that Raven is shooting towards space in a hundred year old ship, cobbled from spare scrap metal, held together by Raven’s ingenuity and Abby’s convictions.

He walks slowly over to her and stands beside her, keeping his eyes trained on the screen in front of them. A screen that tells them both everything but what they want to know.

“Liona had Raven in her math class when Raven was ten,” he begins without preamble. “She was four years younger than everyone in there and scored twice as high as the rest. She started her Engineering apprenticeship with me a full two years before she was technically eligible. She’s been coming to our house for a weekly dinner for the last three years.” He keeps his eyes focused in front of him. Doesn’t trust himself to face Abby. “How well do you know Raven, Abby?”

His voice is level and flat; someone who didn’t know better might very well might mistake it for emotionless.

But Abby does know better; has, in fact, known him since they were both children growing up together on Alpha Station. So when she glances over at him, he knows it’s to gauge just how angry he really is.

Her sharp intake of breath tells him she’s figured it out.

“I know that you believed in her enough to overturn four different levels of bureaucracy. I know that she’s the youngest Zero G Mechanic in 50 years. ” She glances over at him. “And I know that your judgment is never off.”

His mouth thins to a stiff line.

“I wish I could say the same about you.”

He sees her close her eyes momentarily.

“I had to, Sinclair. For Clarke.” She looks over at him. “If Raven had been down there with her, you would’ve done whatever it took.”

He gives a curt nod.

“Yes.” He turns towards her and stares at her intently. “But if I were sending Jackson out, I’d at least let you know.” He grits his jaw. “I’d at least let you say goodbye.”

Abby bows her head, then nods before turning to face him, her eyes wide and earnest.

“She’s going to make it, Sinclair. I really believe that.”

He wants to say that believing doesn’t make it so, that it won’t hold together rusted parts during re-entry or keep Raven safe in the coldest reaches of space.

But he can’t. Because belief is all he has now, too.

It’s two weeks after the fall of Mount Weather before he and Raven have a chance to drive out to the site of her crash landed spaceship.

He stares at the broken, twisted pieces of it; sees her dried blood splattered on the chair, the ripped up wires, and imagines the thousand and one different permutations of how it could’ve all gone wrong.

All of a sudden, he’s angry at Abby all over again, nauseated at the thought of Raven hurtling through the darkness of space, hurt that she hadn’t come to him for help.

He doesn’t vocalize any of this, of course. Just turns to Raven with his arms crossed in front of him.

“You came down in that?” He aims for incredulous, but words come out sharp and accusatory instead.

She arches a brow at his tone.

“What, I made it, didn’t I?”

He huffs and shakes his head. Neither of them make a move towards the scrap metal that barely passes for a spaceship in front of them. Instead, he glances over at her.

“I would’ve helped you, you know.”

She rocks back on her heels, then looks down at the ground.

“I was afraid that you’d stop me.”

He gives her a wry look.

“Raven, I’ve yet to see anyone - myself included - stop you from doing something you have your mind set on.”

She grins at him before she nods.

“It turned out alright.”

He doesn’t say anything to that. She’s right, of course. But he still remembers the sinking feeling in his stomach when Kane rushed in to tell him what had happened, those long, drawn out hours when he replayed that last scene in his kitchen, wondering what he could’ve done, what he should’ve said, praying to a god that he didn’t even believe in.

He breathes out heavily.

“A lot could’ve gone wrong,” he finally says.

She lets out a laugh that’s more bitter than anything, then balances herself against him as she shuffles on her brace.

“A lot has gone wrong, Sinclair.”

She grimaces and he frowns at the sweat that’s beading on her forehead from the pain of standing upright. He wants to direct them both to a fallen down log so that she can sit down and get off of her leg, but he knows she’d only glare at him. So instead, he loops his arm around her shoulders to steady her and hopes it can be enough for right now.

“But we’re both still here,” he says after a quiet moment. It’s not quite optimism, but it’s a brand of hopeful that he thinks is still honest.

She smiles up at him. It’s a small gesture, held up weakly by the edges of her lips, but he’s glad to see it reach her eyes.

“Yeah,” she says softly, leaning into him, “at least there’s that.”

#jacapo sinclair #raven reyes #abby griffin #sinclair & raven #the 100 #the 100 fic #my fic #the 100 meme #just out here making up backstories for all these minor characters don't mind me #me @ me: why are you like this

18 notes · View notes