ok, this one’s been percolating in my mind for a while. i’ve heard people say you need to work up to involving a dynamic or kinks in a sexual relationship and i disagree. maybe if you’re talking about, like, intense cnc or sadism, but as for d/s and lighter stuff, i don’t see why two adults can’t negotiate that the first time they have sex. i have, in fact some of my best experiences were first times with new people. “but someone could push you to do something you’re not comfortable with” that can happen with vanilla sex and it can happen the twentieth time, not just the first. “it could be a problem if one person has significantly more experience with bdsm” it could be a problem if one person has significantly more experience with sex. i’m not saying there aren’t risks, i’m saying they’re not specific to introducing a dynamic with a new/casual partner (actually they’re not even specific to sex, but y’all wouldn’t relish an aromantic’s opinion about romantic consent). tbh it just sounds like some of you aren’t very good at communicating or being aware of boundaries. i actually feel like it’s a sort of ‘hoisted by your own petard’ thing where like, you’re saying a dynamic requires especial attention to that, so then if you’re speaking from experience shouldn’t you (that is to say, people in “the community”) be especially good at it? if you personally don’t want to introduce a dynamic with new/casual partners that’s fine! but some of us do and are capable of doing so, and having vanilla sex at first against our mutual wishes wouldn’t serve any purpose.